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Learning the ropes

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: Alaska
I am gay. I still have trouble saying that because of my very conservative upbringing, but that is not what I need help with today. I had my first few sexual encounters the other week with this great understanding, older guy. When he was blowing me it felt great, however I wasn’t able to cum during the oral sex. Is this normal? And is there anything I can do to change that? Thank you so much for any help, and the chance to say something to someone about being gay. I don’t get to talk about issues in this genre because of the taboo-ness of the issue. Thanks a lot- James

Wow, sorry to hear you’re living in such a repressive environment, pup. I hope that changes for you soon. Just remember, change is gonna begin with you. The longer you put up with the repression the harder it will be to break its grip.

Coming out is rarely a breeze for anyone. This is especially true for those, like yourself, who were raised in a conservative home. But then throwing off the shackles of oppression, however they present themselves, will make you a much better person in the long run. Like the old saying goes; “If you allow someone to control your sexuality, you allow that person to control all of you.” So nothing reverses the repression quicker than exercising your sexuality on your own terms.

As to the oral sex question you raise, I’ve written a whole lot about that already. You might want to glance over to the sidebar and look for CATEGORIES pull down menu. Look for the main category — Sex Therapy. Then look for the subcategory — Ejaculation Concerns.You’ll find a load of written postings and podcasts.

The gist of what I’ve had to say about this is; it’s not uncommon for a guy not to get off with just a blowjob. This is particularly true for someone who is new to the whole hummer thing. There’s also the distinct possibility that the guy doin the blowin’ may not be a particularly talented cocksucker. It happens! It happens a lot, believe me.

That being said, there are things you can do to change this if that’s what you really want. First and foremost, you need to communicate with your partner on how he’s doing down there. Ya see most of us guys get real used to the feel of our hand on our wang while jerkin-off. After years of practice we get our stroke down to a science. We know exactly when to apply more pressure, or loosen our grip. We know exactly when to speed up the stroke and when to ease off. We know exactly when to yank on our balls or stick a finger in our ass and diddle our prostate. We know all of this because our body is giving us constant feedback all the time we’re playin’ with ourselves.

On the other hand, the cocksucker between our legs isn’t gettin that kind of immediate sensory feedback, so he’s not gonna know what to do when. That is, unless you tell him. And it’s really ok to give the guy a little direction. A talented cocksucker, of course, will already know how to ask you for feedback. After all, he’s new to your cock and his experience tells him that all cocks respond the same why to the same stimulus.

Another thing you can do is relax. There’s not a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to sex. So the more relaxed you are the more you will be able to enjoy the pleasure. If your mind is all busy with dumb shit like — oh my god, I’m not gettin off, what must he think of me? — then you’re not in the moment and the pleasure is wasted on you.

Finally, the best way to learn how to receive a good blowjob is to become a fabulous cocksucker yourself. Smokin’ you some fine pole is an art form. It’s way more than simply than rappin’ your lips around a bloke’s dick. The more you understand about superior cocksucking the better you’ll be at guiding your partners through the fine points of eatin’ you meat. So get out there and get some experience.

Not sure what to do when faced with a big beautiful baloney pony? Well, you’re in luck. Check out my sexual enrichment tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker …OR HOW TO GIVE THE PERFECT BLOW JOB.

Good Luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Try as I might…

Name: Dan
Gender: Male
Age: 48
Location: Montreal
I’m a late forties year old man who has lived numerous sexual experience in the past, until I met just in the beginning of this past year a wonderful interesting, woman with all the qualities and values that I needed. We started our first sexual experience a few months ago, April. The result was quite a disaster. I wasn’t able to do any penetration on her. She insisted that she has a blockage, and I had no idea about blockage and wanted to leave her place. Now I tried to understand her, but her problem has two factors that I’ve never came across with a woman. One is that if I fucked her she would get vaginitis. She doesn’t have any reaction when I fuck her. However, the scenario with her is the usual. She would get into her closet wear something very daring and sexy and give me a nice blowjob and …swallow. I would usually experience just straight penetration, in any position in my past experience with other women But would this mean that the sexy clothes and asking me if I would cum in her mouth, compensated for her inability to have my penis in her vagina? She asked me that I would have to eat her pussy often so she would feel something. The last time I did I was eating her pussy for two hours with a few breaks until she came. My question is can I take this any longer, and what is the connection with her vaginitis?

Hell, Dan, I don’t know if you can take this any longer or not. What’s clear to me is, things are pretty grim, not just for you but also for your lady friend.

Your story is a little difficult to follow. I’m gonna guess that English is not your first language, right? But here’s what I think you’re trying to say. You are a sexually experienced man in his forties. You’ve recently met an interesting woman that you like very much. Unfortunately, the sex sucks…and not in a good way.

Your friend experiences pain while fucking, but you don’t know why. She says there’s a blockage and tells you that intercourse will only lead to vaginitis, which is an inflammation of the vaginal mucosa and often associated with an irritation or an infection. While this is a pretty common problem, it should not be an every fucking time kinda problem…if you catch my drift. However, this little lady is happy to give you a hummer to make up for this. And just to show you there are no hard feelings — she’ll even swallow your spunk. Well, she’s a trooper that’s for sure! Unfortunately, avoiding the fucking issue won’t solve the mystery of why fucking is a real pain in the pussy.

The two most likely reasons for this painful fucking are: 1) the woman is not aroused enough before the fucking begins, or 2) there is an actual physical condition that might make fucking painful, even if she is aroused.

It’s easy enough to eliminate the second option; all your woman friend has to do is pay her gynecologist a little visit and have her doc take a quick look around. If there is indeed a blockage, as she says there is, a gynecological exam will discover it and end the debate.

That being said, I’d be willing to bet that, in your friend’s situation the first reason is the more likely culprit. This is often the case with pre-orgasmic women and your woman friend sounds like she may very well fall into that category. If your woman friend has lived all her adult life without having an orgasm, she will sure enough be conditioned not to expect one any time soon — either through fucking or by having you eat her out…even for hours. And hey, you’re a trooper too for doin’ that, darlin’!

I’d be willing to speculate that she’s not particularly informed about her own sexual response cycle. Thus she’s unable to provide you much direction on how to pleasure her without discomfort. A woman, particularly a preorgasmic one, must come to full arousal before her partner attempts penetration. A man, on the other hand, needs only to have a stiff dick. This obviously makes them (men) more ready and eager for the old in and out long before their female partner is ready and eager for the same. If you are guilty of this, and there’s a good chance that you are, your woman friend’s body will resist you, even if she desires to make a go of it.

Your woman friend could start getting over this by being better informed about her own sexual response cycle. If she doesn’t know what turns her crank, she can’t expect you to know what to do, even with all of your experience. Once she figures out how her body works, and this information will come best through masturbation, she’ll then be able to instruct you on the subtleties and points of interest of her particular pussy.

Touch is very important to most women, especially in the arousal stage of things. Often women will want to be touched and caressed all over, not just on the sexually charged spots of her body like her tits and pussy. She ought to take you on a little touch tour of her body. Literally, she could take you by the hand and touch herself with your fingers. She should show you the kind of touch she likes in the places she likes to be touched. You guys will need to take your time with this. I can pretty much guarantee you won’t get it the hang of this first time you try.

With her help you’re gonna be able to see her arousal build. She could encourage you to use your lips and mouth as well as your hands. If she’s not fully aroused, her pussy will be dry. But even if she is wet, you ought to use a nice personal lubricant to make her even more slippery and to facilitate penetration. I can’t overstate the necessity of lots and lots of lube.

If you guys follow these simple steps, you will have greater success with your fucking. Your woman friend will experience great pleasure and she will, in turn, be a fount of great pleasure for you. In the end, your woman friend must take the lead in this. She must get to know her own body first, so she can teach you about it next.

Finally, let me turn you on to a couple of great resources. Both are SEX WISDOM podcasts. I suggest that you and your woman friend listen to these shows together.  The first is an interview with author Mikaya Heart. Mikaya is the author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women; How to Become Orgasmic For A Lifetime. It is by far the best book about women’s sexuality that I have read in the past decade, if not longer.

The second interview is with sexologist, Dr Shannon Chavez. She is one of the co-founders of the revolutionary SHE (Sexual Health Experts) Clinic in Arizona. Theirs is a comprehensive interdisciplinary treatment approach to female sexual health needs.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

My First Love

It’s Pride Month! So we’ll be spending a little time each week hearing the thoughts and concerns of the LGBT community.

Name: Jaymie
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Location:
Hi, my name is Jaymie. I am a 16-year-old guy. I have a best friend (Jared) also 16, who I have been in love with for 3 years now. I know, you probably think, “he’s too young to fall in love”. Well I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever been so sure of in my life.

Anyways, I am bisexual. He knows that. I told him about 4 months ago that I was in love with him and he told me he already knew and that he was ok with it. A few years ago, we made out one night when we were kind of drunk and that scared him. He recently told me that he used to have feelings for me, but he got rid of them because “that’s not the kind of person he is”. I’m guessing by that he means that he couldn’t do it because he is not “gay”. He’s had a girlfriend now and they’ve been together for about 10 months and he’s supposedly in love with her. Even though there relationship is shit and they are always fighting.

We’ve always been really flirty with each other (cuddling, tickling, spooning, touching each others penis’ etc.) but all that has kind of gone down hill because of his parents catching us spooning and giving him SO much shit about it. Now we just cuddle once in a while.

I have a couple of questions, and you seem like a smart man. 1. What should I do about him? Should I give up on him? I cry all the time about it because I feel he’s the only one for me that I will ever love this much. 2. I know this might be a little weird, but when we were sleeping next to each other, I always stick my hands down his pants and play with his penis. Sometimes for fun, sometimes I jack him off while I jack off (I know, so I’m a little obsessed) he never wakes up though. He ALWAYS gets a boner when I do it but never moves and stays “asleep”. Can he get a boner from me touching him while he’s sleeping? Or does this mean that he’s faking it and knows I am doing it? If you could answer me that would be great. It’s really important.

You know what? You’re right; I’m a smart man. Smart enough to recognize that you too are pretty damn smart yourself. This is so curious to me. I know men more than twice your age who, in comparison to you, are absolutely clueless about who they are and what they desire. You, on the other hand, are very precocious. And that, my friend, is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have extraordinary clarity about yourself and what makes you tick. On the other hand, being as advanced as you are, you leave your age peers in the dust, so to speak. The young man you mention, Jared, he is nowhere near as confident as you with regard to who he is and what he wants. That’s not unusual. In fact, as I suggest, that’s par for the course for a young man his age. You are the one who is unusual. And I’m not talking about your sexual preferences, just your emotional maturity.

I’m receiving an ever-increasing number of messages from young people, just like you, who are in the throws of adolescent anxiety. Everything seems topsy-turvy in their life including their sexual awakenings. These young people’s hormones are raging and they don’t know how to direct them.

You, Jaymie, say you love your friend. You suspect that I will disregard the whole idea as preposterous, because of your age. On the contrary, I take what you say at face value. I know for certain that young people have the capacity to feel as deeply and as passionately about things as older people. What may be lacking in younger people is a frame of reference — a means of tempering their unruly passions — because that come only by way of life experience. I hasten to add that a good number of us older folks don’t have the ability rule our passion very well either, even though we have a shit-load of life experience. This is truly unfortunate, because our lack of insight makes for some pretty messy lives and seriously diminishes the number of good role models of living healthy emotional lives. Perhaps if you get the hang of this while in your teens, Jaymie, you’ll be much better situated as an adult.

I note that you say you cry all the time. You claim you know your friend is the only guy for you and this causes this emotional distress. Here’s where I believe the whole life experience thing could help temper your passions. But since this is your first time out the gate, let me make some predictions. I’d be willing to bet my last dollar that this guy, as pivotal as he is to you today, is not the only man for you. In fact, I’ll wager that by the time you finish college, you’ll barely remember this fellow’s name. I’d also be willing to bet that most of your tears are tears of frustration, because the young man in question is unwilling, or more likely unable, to return your affections as you think he should. And unrequited love stings like the dickens. But I think you already know that part.

I have another prediction for you. You will have several of these unrequited love experiences in your life. I can predict this with absolute certainty, because lots of people just like you have traveled this same path. So if you allow me to offer you some advice, it would be to try to go with the flow. Take the joys with the pain and try not to fly apart in the process. Destiny has lots of things in store for you. And Jared is just the first of many of his kind.

As you make your way in life, particularly as a bisexual or gay man, you will discover a sad fact. Many other men with the same longings as you, some of which will be the objects of your affections, will not be able to acknowledge or reciprocate your feelings. This is because they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own feelings. The world is full of these kinds of men. So prepare to meet more than your share.

Jared’s pretending to be asleep while you fondle and jerk him off, is his way of avoiding both you and himself. Trust me, if he didn’t want you to do what you are doing, he’d sure enough let you know in no uncertain terms. Exclusively straight boys and men are like that. They’re like totally not down with the gay sex thing. Again, I’d wager he’s accepting your sexual advances and even enjoying them as much as he allows him himself to. What he can’t or won’t do is be upfront about it with you.

No doubt he’s scared shitless about all of this. On the one hand he’s being intensely pleasured by you, another guy. On the other he must be crippled with guilt and shame, aware of how inappropriate this is in terms of his parents value system, his religious upbringing and a good portion of our sex negative culture. I’d also be willing to bet that despite the fact that you are touching him out of your deep feelings for him, your touch only adds to his internal conflict and anxiety.

Most guys who receive the sexual attentions of another dude, but fake being absent through out, like feigning sleep or being drunk, can avoid some of the internal conflict by telling themselves that they are not like the guy doling out the sexual touch. That is in fact a delusion, but many a man gets through his life on delusion alone. You will discover this for yourself as your life unfolds before you.

Finally, to your question should you quit Jared? I think that you and I both know that despite your deep feelings for him, he’s not gonna wake up from one of your sexually charged naps and proclaim his love for you…at least not anytime soon. In fact, if you continue along the path, you risk ruining any chance that he could come to an awakening and acceptance of his sexuality on his own. Constantly pressuring him and mooning over him is counterproductive. And I also foresee a major confrontation erupting soon. Here’s a tip: some even ostensibly straight guys can groove on the whole sex thing with another dude, but they choke on the emotional attachment that often comes with the proffered blowjob.

So it’s pretty much your call, Jaymie. Will you continue to assail Jared for your own selfish pleasure knowing as you do that he can’t or won’t respond as you want him to? Or do you back off and allow him the time and space he needs to come to awareness on his own?

I think we both know what the mature choice is, don’t we? If you love this guy as much as you say, you’re gonna have to cool your jets and give him room to mature at his own pace. Remember he has some ways to go to catch up with you.

Good luck

Lost and Found

Hey sex fans,

We bring you our third and final Romance Series video from New Sensations for today’s edition of Product Review Friday.

But wait, you didn’t miss the two previous reviews we posted, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find them HERE and HERE.  And remember all our adult product reviews, going back 5 years, are archived at Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

Let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Glenn & Hank, to see what’s on their mind.

Lost and Found —— $18.81

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “I have a little secret. I have a guilty pleasure. I really get off on straight porn. Well some of it anyhow.”
Hank: “He has to keep it a secret, because, if the homo police find out, they’ll take away his homo card.”
Glenn: “You joke, but you know there’s truth in what I say, Hank. Most of our queer friends would never understand my taste for straight porn.”
Hank: “Hey, I don’t know; I’d be wiling to bet that way more gay men dig straight porn then those, like you, who are willing to admit to their guilty pleasure. Nowadays the men in straight porn are way hotter than they used to be. Maybe that’s because a lot of the ‘straight’ male performers are also working as ‘gay-for-pay’ performers in gay porn. So you know for certain that is raising the hunkyness-bar all over the industry.”
Glenn: “On a recent visit to Dr Dick’s I noticed a pile of DVDs on his desk. I asked him; ‘what’s up with all the movies?’ He said, ‘I got them from New Sensations to farm out for review.’ I said, ‘I’d be up for that assignment.’ He said, ‘really? That would be way cool; you know it’s straight porn, right? Then Dr Dick added, ‘I suppose if these movies can pass the gay test, we’ll all know that they are good to go.’ And so that’s how I got Lost and Found to review. Score!”
Hank: “When Glenn is happy, I’m happy. Besides, anything that gets him boned up will eventually lead to me gettin’ a world-class blowjob or me pluggin’ his tight muscular ass. And I almost never argue with that math.”
Glenn: “Ok, I admit, I’m a sex fiend; so sue me already! Lost and Found is the story of a bachelor, David, (Xander Corvus, who is hot, hot, hot!), who wants to jettison the swinger ways and settle down. Imagine his good fortune when the gal of his dreams, Jen (Allie Haze, who is so adorable!) moves in next door with her little dog. This is a sweet romance about a man, a woman and the little dog that brought them together by nearly tearing them apart. Fuckin’ charming, huh?”
Hank: “It is very charming, but it’s sexy as hell too. I walked in on Glenn watching the DVD and thought he was watching some Hollywood romcom. I was just about to turn heal and run when this chick starts blowin’ this dude. And damn, she sure looked like she knew what she was doin’. Most of the women I see in straight porn aren’t very good cocksuckers. They look at the dick in their hand and you can see it in their face, they’d much rather be in Cleveland.”
Glenn: “Hank says that a lot of the guys in gay porn don’t know how to suck dick either. He’s right! It’s pathetic, I tell you. Cocksucking is a lost art. I also want to comment on something else Hank said. The production values of Lost and Found are first class. Everything from the box art to the movie’s audio track is topnotch. It could have easily come from one of the major Hollywood studios…except it has all this really hot girl on guy sex. And here’s the real kicker; all the dudes wear condoms in this flick. Fuckin’ A! I wish more straight porn producers did that.”
Hank: “You can also tell that this movie has its female audience in mind. I don’t mean to suggest that they soft sell the sex; they don’t. But it is respectful of women. Call me old fashioned; but I hate it when I see a woman being degraded in a porno. It’s such a turn off. No wonder most women aren’t into video smut. BTW, Xander Corvus is super fine! He has a sweet face, a nice body, a big old dick, but he shaves his pubes. I guess three out of four ain’t too shabby!”
Glenn: “Lost and Found has four really great sex scenes. All the characters are very attractive and likeable, but they’re also still believable. There’s not a porn stereotype in the bunch. The sex is vanilla, but there’s real chemistry between the performers. There’s loads and loads of kissing too. And the non-sex acting is amazingly good.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Dear Abby

Hey sex fans,

We have another video review lined up for today’s edition of Product Review Friday.

This is the second of three vids from the folks at The Romance Series.  You didn’t miss the first of these reviews, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find it HERE.  And remember all our adult product reviews, going back 5 years, are archived at Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

Let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Kevin and Gina, to see what’s on their mind.

Dear Abby — $23.43

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “Kevin and I were reminiscing about the first review we did together. It was for the WE-vibe.  That was way back in August of 2008. I was shy and clueless about most sexual things. I was your average recovering Catholic girl, back then, who couldn’t wait to discover the big bad world out there.”
Kevin: “And I’m happy to report that I was the corrupting influence in her life. Although I must say she didn’t offer much resistance. Since that fateful We-vibe review, we’ve been all over the map, so to speak. We get such a hoot out of looking back on all the reviews we’ve done since then. You can find them HERE.”
Gina: “Yeah, it’s like looking at an old yearbook. I was such an innocent back then. Well, all that has changed. Now I’m as sexually adventurous as they come.”
Kevin: “But do you remember when you discovered my stash of porn movies on one of your first over-nights at my place? Do you remember your reaction?”
Gina: “Yes, I do. I was so disillusioned. I couldn’t believe you were into that stuff. I thought you were so cool and progressive; how could you watch porn? Back then I though all porn was disgusting and exploitative of women. I had so much to learn. Now I’m able to tell good porn from bad. And that’s why I jumped at the chance to review Dear Abby.”
Kevin: “She’s right! But I didn’t share Gina’s opinion when she brought home the DVD. The packaging looks exactly like what a major Hollywood studio would produce for a mainstream romantic comedy. I thought for certain this was going to be a dud. My taste in porn is way more edgy.”
Gina: “I knew he was going to say that. I immediately saw the disappointment in his eyes when I showed him the package. However, The Romance Series has a reputation for delivering great watchable sex along with really convincing non-sex performances by the same performers. I don’t find that too often, even in the porn that I’ve come to like very much.”
Kevin: “This is a great adult movie for couples. I hesitate to use the term ‘porn’, because it may turn off some in our audience who have yet to discover that sexually explicit movies, like Dear Abby, can be enjoyed without the guilt associated with watching mainstream porn. But just so you know, this is not soft-core sex. On the contrary; the sex is full-on and totally hot and sweaty. It is, however, of the vanilla variety. And there’s no flimsy storyline just to string together a bunch of unrelated sex scenes. No, this is a real movie movie.”
Gina: “Dear Abby is the story of a young couple, who have broken up, but eventually find their way back together. Ok, so I’ll admit the premise is pretty trite, but movie is not. There are four sex scenes featuring four very attractive couples. Unlike a lot of the porn I’ve seen, these couples seem to have real chemistry together. The camerawork is first-rate and the viewer is treated to an over all view of the couples enjoying themselves, not just fucking. There are no intense close-ups that make some porn really creepy. The sex is never hurried and the female characters are believable. In fact, they are presented as multidimensional people, not mindless sex dolls for the gratification of the guys. And there’s kissing, lots and lots of kissing.”
Kevin: “Both the guys and the gals are very attractive. And the blowjobs scenes are fantastic. Did I mention I LOVE blowjobs? But wait; are all the guys in porn these days shaving their pubes? Looks like it from this feature. Not one of the male performers has a bush. WTF?”
Gina: “Yeah, I wondered about that too. I like to see a man’s bush.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

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