Search Results: Big

You are browsing the search results for big

Brody James and his Sex EDGE-U-cation – Podcast #247 – 11/24/10


Hey sex fans,

Brody James is back with us today. He’s here again this week for Part 2 of our conversation about his Sex EDGE-U-cation; that is his personal journey into the world of kink and alternative lifestyles.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful conversation that appeared here last week at this time, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in my Podcast Archive. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #246 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Brody and I discuss:

  • The different kinds of highs associated with being dominate/submissive;
  • The recreational and cathartic aspects of BDSM;
  • Seeking guidance and advice from his role models;
  • The scenes he gets into;
  • Power play and sex;
  • Polyamory — the solo and relationship types;
  • Dating outside the kink community;
  • Being an out and proud kinkster.

Brody invites all you members of fetlife.com to look for him there. You can find by searching for his profile: BJK32

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Sex Work — The Principle of Supply and Demand

No podcast today; instead there’s this…

Sex workers and their consumers are two sides of the same coin; the operative word being coin. Few things are more troublesome to the social hierarchy than the notion of sex for money. And yet, as the saying goes, there’d be no supply if there weren’t a demand.

I travel a lot for work and often get really lonely on long trips. I don’t go to bars, because I don’t drink. The idea of looking for sex in a bathhouse or sex club puts me off. Lately I’ve been thinking I should just hire an escort, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It must be a pretty common phenomenon thought, because I see tons of ads for escorts on line in every city I go to. Any suggestions on how I might proceed?
— Gabe

I presume you’ve ordered out for food while traveling for business, right? Finding a satisfying “order-out” sexual adventure is not all that different. In the case of an escort, the commodities are charming company, erotic massage, and possibly a little sex, instead of potstickers, mu shu pork and Kung Pao Chicken. (Now if only someone would devise a marketing plan to combine the two—erotic massage and mu shu pork? We’d all die from an overabundance of bliss!)

Not all order-out is created equal. Just as there is bad food, there are also unsavory escorts. Do your homework. You already know there are scads of escort or rentboy sites on the net. There are also plenty of review sites, where customers of the provider leave their comments regarding levels of satisfaction and the like. Most escorts, particularly the really good ones, immediately call your attention to the reviews they’ve received. It’s like having the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval stamped on your ass.

Start by interviewing a few working boys. This can initially be done via email. Ask for further information about services and rates. Many escorts have photos of themselves available to send to prospective clients, so you might respectfully request those. If at all possible, include a photo of yourself—or at the very least, an accurate description.

When communicating with a service provider, NEVER suggest that you are offering money for sex; in most jurisdictions, that’s against the law. While most clients hope to get a little sex in the encounter, the money exchanged is not for the sex. It is for the provider’s time and expertise. This may sound like splitting hairs, but if sex happens it is by mutual agreement by consenting adults during the time you’ve arranged to be together.

Finding the right escort for you is your task. Know what you want and know how to ask for it. Don’t waste your time or that of the provider by beating around the bush. If you are new at this, say so. The rentboy, if he’s any good at all, will be familiar with this territory and help you though the initial conversation.

There are different levels of pros out there; each will have his own fee structure for services provided. If you’re looking for something kinky, be ready to pay more. Never bargain with the provider. If he’s out of your price range, move along. Or come right out with it and say, “Listen, I have X amount of money to spend. Are you available?” This gives the provider the option to see you at the discounted rate. You’d be a fool not to insist on safe sex, but there’s a shitload of fools out there.

When arranging an outcall to your hotel, there may be an additional surcharge for traveling cost. This should be agreed upon before the deal is struck.

Not all prostitutes are prostitutes because they want to. But most guys turn pro because they’re good at what they do. And most enjoy the accompanying lifestyle. The truly successful provider will have a string of regulars, men they have a somewhat more intimate connection with. Kinda like finding a great Chinese restaurant and becoming a regular there. The proprietor might just offer you something not on the menu as a way of acknowledging your preferred customer status. Get it?

Some johns use the service of an agency, which can be a reliable way to go at first. However, I believe the hard-working independent entrepreneur is often one’s best bet.

You’ll also find among the independents a unique phenomenon—Gay for Pay. These are ostensibly “straight” (and I use that word in quotes with great intent) guys who will have gay sex with gay men for money. In the old days, we used to refer to them as trade. And like we in the business say, “today’s trade is tomorrow’s competition.”

Remember, a wise and informed consumer is happy and satisfied consumer.

I’m just out of college and have a ton of bills and no real job prospects at the moment. A friend suggested I do some escorting to make ends meet. Guys tell me that I’m hot and I like sex, but I don’t know if I could pull it off. Suggestions?
— Kevin

Being hot and liking sex are great assets if you decide to turn pro, but you’ll need a whole lot more than that. Being a sex worker is not like having sex for love, or even recreational sex. You will be exchanging sex for money and that makes it a business proposition. You’d be wise to approach this with as much forethought as you would any other profession. It is, after all, the world’s oldest.

You’ll need the physical fortitude to have sex with a wide range of people; some who may not be attractive to you. And when there’s an exchange of money, the john becomes your customer. And all pro sex is client-directed; it’s not about you even when it looks like it’s all about you.

You’ll also need the emotional distance and psychological resilience to cope with the intimacy issues this line of work creates. This is precisely the point where most fledgling sex workers flounder. They either give too much, or not enough. Some actually resent their clients for sustaining them; go figure! A lack of clarity on this issue will cause troubling boundary issues for both you and your john.

A cheap street hustler turning tricks to support a drug habit and an expensive rentboy who is attending the rich and famous face many of the same pitfalls. A lot of sex workers are self-destructive or have huge unresolved sex issues that they are trying to compensate for by making people pay them for what they usually give away.

If you still think this is a line of work for you, know that your mind and body are your greatest business assets. Take care of them. Keep them clean, fit and toned. Hygiene, both physical and mental, is a must. Improve your mind. Make yourself interesting. Stay abreast on current affairs. Develop other skills like massage and bodywork. Self-awareness, not the narcissistic type, and safe-sex practices are your frontline defense against STIs.

Stay clean and sober while on the job. More sex workers get busted for drugs than hustling. Know how to handle a drugged-out client. You’ll probably see a lot of those. Also know they can take forever to get off, and can sometimes be paranoid and dangerous.

Be fiscally responsibility. Plan for the lean times…and there will always lean times. You’ll probably be a hot property at first; the new meat phenomenon, don’t cha know. Don’t let this go to your head. There will be cuter, younger, hotter competition getting off the bus tomorrow. Try to cultivate a number of regular clients. Have a thought to how and where you will market yourself. And I encourage you not to do this full-time. If you find it difficult to pay the rent, you’ll be tempted to do more and more risky things just to make ends meet.

Sex work is often more about being psychologically present than a sexual performance. Your clients will often be more lonely and isolated then they are horny. Always treat them with respect.

You should have at least one trusted friend who knows your whereabouts at all times, or who has access to your appointment book. Never make a date with anyone who won’t share his/her phone number with you. And always make a call back before you head out. Keep an appointment book, in code if you must.

Have a travel bag prepared with all the basics you will need: condoms, lube, massage oils, handi-wipes, an extra shirt, toys, mace (or other protective equipment). Have that bag ready to pick up and leave if there’s trouble.

Finally, I suggest that you connect with other sex workers in your area. There is strength in numbers. Other rentboys will provide you with essential information about troublesome clients and help you get the lay of the land, so to speak.

Good Luck

Holiday Gift Giving Guide, WEEK 2

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday again and this is Week 2 of our 3rd annual Holiday Gift Giving Guide.

This week we welcome back two manufacturers we’ve reviewed before — Digital Playground and System JO. To view the previous reviews for these two companies, just search for their names using the search function in the header.

JO H2O Flavored Sweet Pomegranate —— $15.07
JO H2O Flavored Tangerine Dream —— $15.07

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “Gosh, it’s been a whole month since Kevin and I posted a review. Where does the time go?”
Kevin: “And we’ve back at it with a bang too, because we have a couple of nice personal lubes to tell you about. They are flavored water-based lubes from System JO. I have no idea what that name means, but the lubes we have are great.”
Gina: “I can’t figure out the name either, nor have I ever heard of this company before. But it is clear that they know what they are doing, both in terms of product development and packaging.”
Kevin: “The two flavors we have to show you today are — H2O Flavored Sweet Pomegranate and H2O Flavored Tangerine Dream. They are just two of the half dozen or so flavors available.”
Gina: “These fruity flavored lubes are all latex safe (think condoms) and non-staining. They hold up really well in terms of consistency, even with vigorous use. I didn’t notice any stickiness or tackiness, which is often the downfall of other water-based lubes we’ve tried. You should also know that both of these products contain parabens and glycerin. Now, that’s not a problem for me necessarily, but I know that a lot of other people want, and often must, avoid these dubious ingredients. If you are one such person, you’ll need to avoid these products.”
Kevin: “I was impressed with the taste of each, which kind of surprised me. I’m not one for flavored stuff that masks the raw taste of sex. But, like I said, these were fine; although the Sweet Pomegranate is really sweet. There wasn’t any cloying after taste though. Maybe that’s because these products don’t contain artificial sweeteners.”
Gina: “Yeah, sweeteners in a lube would be a disaster. Just think of the yeast infections. Like I said above, I really like the packaging. It’s playful and stylish all at the same time. And the packages are color-coded to match the flavor.”
Kevin: “I liked the unique pop-top lid. It makes for easy one-handed use. That probably doesn’t sound like a big thing, but it is. I hate having to totally interrupt the action just to handle a bottle of lube.”
Full Review HERE!

JO Premium Women —— $22.39
JO H2O Women —— $11.66

Joy & Dixie
Joy: “We’re back with two more amazing products from the System JO people. You probably saw the reviews we did just a couple of weeks ago for their Clitoral Gel, right?”
Dixie: “I should mention from the start of this review that both Joy and I are total lube snobs. I figure ya gotta be since there is so much questionable stuff on the market these days.”
Joy: “Absolutely! Listen, folks you need some standards when it comes to products that you will use on and IN your body. You certainly don’t want to be at the mercy of unscrupulous manufacturers. Be informed and choose your products wisely; it’s the only way to protect yourself.”
Dixie: “The two products we have today are very similar. The JO Premium Women is a silicone-based lubricant; the JO H2O Women is the water-based product. Both were developed for women by women and contain vegetable-based glycerin as opposed to animal-based glycerin. This should waylay any concerns some might have about yeast infections associated with animal-based glycerin.”
Joy: “While we’re on the topic of ingredients, I should point out that the JO H2O Women product contains parabens. Again, some women may be sensitive to that. Parabens, as you may know, are preservatives and you can’t have a water-based lube without some kind of preservative, because it will go bad.”
Dixie: “What’s so remarkable about both the JO Premium Women and the JO H2O Women is that they both feel so much alike. Both are very slick and slippery. Both feel like silicone. The JO Premium Women for obvious reasons, it is silicone-based after all. But the JO H2O Women is nearly identical in its consistency. And both last and last.”
Full Review HERE!

Pirates Pendant Vibe – Black —— $19.99

Karen
When I got home from Dr Dick’s with our monthly allotment of review products I was arranging the booty on the dining room table when my partner, Jack, came in the room. “Look what we scored this time,” I proudly announced as I waved my hand over all the goodies. The only thing I was unclear on was the Pirates Pendant Vibe. I mean, I understood the pendant vibe part; I just couldn’t figure out the pirate part. Jack had to tell me about the Digital Playground movie series, Pirates.”

Ok, I confess, porn is not my thing; I’ve never really been interested. But that’s fine, because Jack consumes enough porn for the both of us. And apparently, from the way he went on and on about Pirates, it’s one of his favorites.

While I can’t be accused of being a fan of the movies, I do count myself among the fans of the Pirates Pendant Vibe. It’s a kicky little bullet vibe that doubles as a pendent jewelry. Once Jack filled me in on the theme of the movies, I understood the fun pirate designs that decorate the vibe.

It is remarkably quiet, very discreet and attractive in its own way. The vibe has multiple vibration patterns, five to be precise. And you cycle through them with the one-touch button situated at the top of the vibe. It is amazing on my clit.
Full Review HERE!

Janine’s Pirates Cove Rocket —— $34.99

Jada
I’ve never seen any of the Digital Playground Pirates movies, so the packaging for Janine’s Pirates Cove Rocket was pretty much lost on me. Don’t get me wrong; it’s stylish and the model on the cover, Janine, in her pirate rig is very sexy and not in an off-putting way either.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is also attractive. It’s molded from what appears to be hard plastic, but it has a cream-colored coating on it that makes it pleasantly soft to the touch. I couldn’t find any information on the materials used in this product either on the package or the Digital Playground website. However, the package does say that it is phthalate free.

In keeping with the theme, the Pirates Cove Rocket is decorated with an abundance of what looks like those temporary tattoos you sometimes see in the stores. Of course, the images include a traditional scull and crossbones, an anchor and crossed pirate sabers, but there’s also hearts, a fish, flowers and stars. It’s a very busy design that will, no doubt, appeal to some. The base of the vibe is encrusted with rhinestones to further the pirate treasure theme, I guess.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is powered by two C-batteries, which are not included in the package. This adds a nice heft to the vibe and also makes for a more powerful vibration that lasts for a longer time than what smaller sized batteries could offer. The Pirates Cove Rocket also has three speeds and two variable vibrations. I confess to being impressed with the level of vibration, but the one button operation, at the base of the vibe, leaves a great deal to be desired. They’ve thoughtfully included a black satin storage/travel pouch too. It’s the kind of special touch you’d find with a more expensive vibrator, so I thought it was interesting that the manufacturer decided to go the distance with this product.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

The Sex EDGE-U-cation of Brody James — Podcast #246 – 11/17/10


Hey sex fans,

I have a delightful twist on the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series for you today. As you know, in this series I’ve been chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles; we’ve been taking a look at the world of fetish sex and kink. Not surprisingly, this series has generated loads of comments from my audience, mostly from folks new to the scene. You’ve told me how much you are enjoying these conversations and how much you’ve been learning from listening to the masters speak. I feel the same way; I can’t tell you how enriching this series has been for me personally.

So all of this feedback got me to thinking. Wouldn’t it be interesting to interview some relative newcomers to the scene to see how they are making their way? Well that turned out to be easier said then done. Most of the budding kinksters I invited to join me were flattered that I asked them to participate, but all were too shy to actually follow through. That is until I had the good fortune to meet today’s very special guest, Brody James.

Brody graciously agreed to talk with me about his personal journey. And so he is here today to let us know how it’s all going. I know you will be as charmed as I by this marvelous young man and our frank discussion.

Brody and I discuss:
His impressions of Folsom Fringe and The Folsom Street Fair;
Who is Brody James, international man of mystery;
His first foray into the scene;
The learning curve involved;
Opening a primary relationship;
Self-identifying as kinky;
A working definition of power play;
Classes at CSPC with BondageLessons Max;
Is BDSM synonymous with power play;
Defining Dominate/top & submissive/bottom.

If you’re a member of fetlife.com, you can find Brody by searching for his profile: BJK32

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

Dr Dick’s Sex Positive Doctrine

No podcast today; instead there’s this…

Have you ever wondered about the term, sex positive? If you’re like me you see it all over the place, especially on sex-related sites. I confess I use it way more often than I should. It’s become one of those industry buzzwords that has, over time, become so fuzzy around the edges that it’s now virtually meaningless. In fact, if the truth be known, I believe the term sex positive has been taken over by the sex Taliban who have made it a cover for their strict code of political correctness. Oddly enough, this is the very antithesis of its original meaning.

If you want to shame someone in the sex field—be it a sex worker, blogger or adult product manufacturer—you label that person as sex-negative. You may not know anything about that person other than you were offended by something they did, said or made. But still, you hurl the epithet as if you were exorcising a heretic. This is a very powerful tool for keeping people in my industry in line. But I’ve begun to wonder, who is setting themselves up as the arbiter of what is and what is not sex positive? I have to ask: What is the agenda? I mean, could compulsory ideological purity of some artificial standards of thought or behavior be “positive” anything? I say, no!

Like all good ideas that have gone bad due to overuse—or worse, sloppy use—the sex positive concept once had meaning that was life-affirming and enriching. Sex positive has been in the lexicon at least since the mid-1950s. It frequently appears in journals and research papers to describe a movement that examines and advocates for all the other beneficial aspects of sex beyond reproduction.

I’ve been using the term since 1981 when I opened my practice in Clinical Sexology and Sexual Health Care. The opening words of my mission statement read: “I affirm the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond.” Way back then, I was flush with my quixotic pursuit to stand steadfast against all the cultural pressures to negate or denigrate sexuality and pleasure. I dedicated myself to spreading the gospel that healthy attitudes toward sex not only affect a person’s sex life, but his/her ability to relate well with others.

This came relatively easy for me, because I’d learned something very important about evangelization in my life as a Catholic priest. (Another quixotic pursuit, but we’ll have to save the details of that misadventure for another time.) One of the first things one learns in seminary is how to proselytize, to sow the seeds of a creed, and then nurture them taking root by endless repetition of the articles of faith. Of course there is a downside to this, too. Repetition fosters mindlessness, stifles creative thought, and worse makes things boring.

But the creed statements of the world’s three great monotheistic religions are masterful works of theological art.

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha’olam!
Allaahu Akbar!
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and the of the Holy Spirit!

Each contains the most profound kernel of religious truth the believer needs to know, but all are easy enough for a child to learn. And like I said, the secret is in the repetition. For the true devotee, these creedal statements are uttered dozens of times a day and to great effect.

Early on in my career as a sexologist, I decided to put the principles I learned in the Church into disseminating my new belief system. First, keep the message simple! I settled on: “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” This has been my mantra for decades. It contains everything you need to know about being sex positive, but it’s easy enough for a child to learn. Even now, I close each of my podcasts with this same article of faith. To this day it soothes me to hear myself say these words. And it comforts me in the same way blessing myself did in my priestly days.

Despite my apprehensions, I continue to be an apostle of the sex positive doctrine. I know that even though my industry has corrupted the concept, others have yet to hear the good news. And there’s something almost spiritual about seeing someone grasp the idea for the first time. Let me tell you about one such instance. Some while ago I was asked to offer a workshop for a group of doctors on the topic: Health Care Concerns Of Sexually Diverse Populations. Unfortunately, just a handful of doctors attended the workshop—which was pretty disconcerting, considering all the work I’d put into the presentation. I guess that’s why kinksters and pervs, as well as your run-of-the-mill queer folk, are often frustrated in their search for sensitive and lifestyle-attuned healing and helping professionals.

Since the group of doctors attending was so small, I decided to ask them to pull their chairs in a circle so that our time together could be a bit more informal and intimate. Frankly, I’ve never found it easy talking to doctors about sex; and discussing kinky sex was surely going to be very tricky. So, I decided to start off as gently as I could. My opening remarks included the phrases “sex positive” and “kink positive.”

Sitting as close to my audience as I was, I could see at once that these fundamental concepts weren’t registering with them. I was astonished. Here was a group of physicians, each with a large urban practice. Could they really be this out of touch? I quickly checked in with them to see if my perception was correct. I was right! None of them had heard the term, sex positive. The two who hazarded a guess at its meaning thought it had something to do with being HIV+. I had my work cut out for me.

I decided to share my creed with them. “Sex is Good—and Good Sex is Even Better.” I asked them repeat it with me as if I were teaching a catechism to children. Surprisingly, they did so without resistance. After we repeated the mantra a couple more times, I exposed them to the sex positive doctrine unencumbered by political correctness.

  • Sex Is Good! Sex is a positive force in human development; the pursuit of pleasure, including sexual pleasure, is at the very foundation of a harmonious society.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The individual makes that determination. For example, what I decide is good sex for me, may be boring sex to someone else. And their good sex may be hair-raising to me. In other words, consensual sexual expression is a basic human right regardless of the form that expression takes. And it’s not appropriate for me, or anyone else, to call into question someone else’s consensual affectional choices.
  • Sex Is Good! Everyone has a right to clear, unambiguous sexual health information. It must be presented in a nonjudgmental way, particularly from his or her health care providers. And sexual health encompasses a lot more then just disease prevention, and contraception.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! The focus is on the affirmative aspects of sexuality, like sexual pleasure. Sexual wellbeing is more than simply being able to perform. It also means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of one’s personality and involvement with others.
  • Sex Is Good! Each person is unique and that must be respected. Our aim as healing and helping professionals is to provide information and guidance that will help the individual approach his/her unique sexuality in a realistic and responsible manner. This will foster his/her independent growth, personal integrity, as well as provide a more joyful experience of living.
  • And Good Sex Is Even Better! Between the extremes of total sexual repression and relentless sexual pursuit, a person can find that unique place, where he/she is free to live a life of self-respect, enjoyment and love.

Finally I told them they ought to think creatively how they could adapt this concept to their own practice. It was up to each of them to make this creed their own. As it turned out, this primer was just the thing to open my planned discussion of health of kinksters.

In a way this experience was a bit of a spiritual reawakening for me, too. Despite my misgivings about the contamination of the sex positive doctrine by malicious people bent on using it as a weapon against those they disagree with. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to watch these sex positive novices hear, and then embrace, the message for the first time. It was nothing short of a religious experience.