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Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex

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Want to have better sex? Speak up!

By JoEllen Notte

talk dirty

The more I talk to people about sex, the more I see that so many of them struggle with the very same things. High up on this list is sexual communication. Whether it’s navigating consent, ensuring that they get what they need, or being a better partner, an awful lot of couples come up short because their approach falls somewhere between mind reading and charades. I’d like to offer a better way. My suggestion? Dirty talk.

Dirty talk is hardly groundbreaking stuff, but according to a 2011 poll by Adam & Eve, nearly one-third of people never talk dirty, while another 33 percent only do so sometimes. So I’m going to come right out and say it: If you and your partner aren’t talking dirty, you could be missing out. Here are some key reasons why you should let the filth fly – and how you shy types can get the conversation started.

Why Try Aural Sex?

It’s the most fun way to tackle a serious topic
If there’s anything that scores points in the sack it’s enthusiasm, but enthusiastic consent is a stumbling block for many people who feel that it ruins the moment. In reality, dirty talk is a great way to say you’re in while still building arousal.

You know what’s hotter than a partner touching you in a new way? A partner telling you how much they want to touch you in that way, giving you the chance to say oh hell yes. Suddenly, sexual consent stops being a stumbling block on the way to the good stuff and becomes a stepping stone to making the stuff we do good. This is especially true when you’re with a new partner or you’re trying something new with an old partner. (Want some ideas on how to spice things up? Check out 9 Sex Moves to Rock a Woman’s World.)

It can make good sex even bettertalk dirty2
Speaking of making the stuff we do good, the best thing about dirty talk is that it gets people talking about sex, which is always a good thing. According to a 2012 study by researcher Elizabeth Babin at Cleveland Ohio University, chatty lovers tend to have greater sexual satisfaction because they communicate what they want.

Your partner isn’t a mind reader; building communication into lovemaking can heat things up – and improve the chances that you’ll get what you want.

How to Get Dirty

Breaking out of your sexual mime box

For some people, talking dirty can feel like diving into performative, porn-star sex. That can be a huge leap for more, shall we say … demure lovers. The first step to making it all more manageable is to keep it simple and keep it real. Forget about parroting all the dirty-talk stereotypes you may have heard; not all penises are “so big” not all vaginas are “so tight” and sometimes, announcing that your partner has been “very, very bad” just comes off weird.

The answer? Just stick with what’s actually happening with the person you are actually with. Does it feel good when they touch you? Awesome, share that news. Do they have a great ass? They’d probably enjoy hearing about that. Are you excited to have sex with them? Tell them all about it. Perhaps the best piece of dirty talk advice comes from famed porn start Nina Hartley, who said, “Don’t tell them what they want to hear, tell them what they need to know”.

Talking dirty to a ninja

Sometimes what impedes dirty talk is an imbalance between partners. Maybe you’re rarin’ to go and your partner is totally silent. In this, scenario whispering “talk dirty to me” often yields results that are awkward – for both of you. It can be hard to find that softer side of the strong, silent ninja type, so help a ninja out! Keep it real. Go with questions. “What do you want?” is especially successful in this scenario, or something more structured to get them comfortable verbalizing. I love the exercise described by Chris Gore in this Sex Nerd Sandra podcast. Whatever you do, just make sure you give your partner some guidance with it and understand that, as with any sexual activity, dirty talk isn’t for everyone, and that’s something you’ll have to negotiate.

If it works for you, dirty talk can be a sexual game-changer. So don’t be shy: Get out there and get dirty!

To learn more, check out “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty.”

Complete Article HERE!

Sex and the Nursing Home Resident

By Stacy Lloyd

nursing-home-residents

A medical ethicist and a team of Australian researchers say nursing homes should not discourage residents from having sex.

Research by the Australian Centre for Evidence Based Aged Care, published in the Journal of Medical Ethics (JME), stated that sexual freedom is considered a fundamental human right by most Western societies.

While laws regarding consent and coercion must be abided, in general, people should be able to engage in sexual behavior whenever, and with whomever, they choose.

Nonetheless sexual relationships are often a no-no for many competent and healthy elderly people in residential aged care facilities, reported the New York Daily News.

Art Caplan, a medical Ethicist at the New York University Langone Medical Center, told Medscape that one of the reasons for this is that nursing homes are set up to give people very little privacy for legal and safety reasons.Nursing-Homes-Residents-Rights-350x350

FoxNews added concerns about “duty of care, anxieties about potential repercussions from relatives and ageism are other reasons nursing home staffs deny privacy or separate potential partners, according to the Australian researchers.”

New York Daily News said that nursing home staffs receive little training on the sex lives of the elderly, focusing primarily on their ability to make decisions and provide consent.

Many simply don’t look at the elderly as mature adults, but as children who must be policed.

For older people with dementia living in residential aged care facilities the issue becomes more complex, wrote the researchers in the JME.

However, the JME article added that even elderly people in the early stages of dementia still enjoy sexual relationships.

Researchers argued that even when a person receives a poor score on a mini mental state test which assesses cognitive impairment, they are often still capable of expressing preferences for a friend or lover, wrote FoxNews.

Intimate relationships can help lessen feelings of loss and loneliness that come with age, Robin Dessel, director of memory care services and sexual rights educator at the Hebrew Home at Riverdale in New York, told ABC News.

The good news is, in response to the topic of geriatric sex, some facilities such as the Hebrew Home are establishing policies to ensure staff support for residents’ rights, wrote AgingWell.com.

“Clinical staff needs to understand that elderly long-term care residents have very real sexual needs that might exceed what staff would consider their clinical needs,” Dessel told AgingWell.com.

Caplan believes this awkward topic of geriatric sex should be discussed by doctors with patients and families as someone prepares to enter a nursing home because, as he stated, sex is a part of old age.

Complete Article HERE!

Postnatal Sex

Name: Stacy
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: ND
Could you talk a little about postnatal sex? I’m a new mother and, while I love my husband and I know he’s got blue balls from lack of sex, I just don’t feel like it.

hands-man-woman-baby_medium

Hey, congratulations on the arrival of your baby. It’s cause for celebration, right? But you should know that experts pinpoint this event as the one that places the most strain on a relationship. When you think about it, there should be no surprise. The new mother is exhausted. She’s developing mothering skills she may have only read about before. First babies are a challenge – they can be colicky and demanding. If she’s going back to work, then organizing childcare is a big hurdle. With all this going on, what if her partner expects the sort of sex life that led to the pregnancy in the first place? She may feel like there’s just one more person to service, one more person with needs and demands that are keeping her from much-needed sleep.

New mothers can find sex unappealing for reasons both physical and emotional. If you’re breastfeeding, your breasts are sore, heavy and leaky. Your body just doesn’t feel sexy, with its stretch marks, cellulite, dark nipples and dark line down the abdomen, not to mention the weight gain and varicose veins. Then there is lochia, the discharge after the birth, which lasts for 3 to 4 weeks and does not smell very good. If you had an episiotomy, the stitches are very uncomfortable and you may worry about infection. Your hormones may still be in a state of flux, so you feel moody or depressed. And you may not have a good method of birth control, so sex is the last thing on your mind!

Some doctors recommend that new mothers refrain from sex until their first post partum examination, usually about 6 weeks after the birth.mommy, daddy, baby

Couples aren’t warned about all this, you’re totally unprepared. If you can’t talk about it, there may be trouble ahead. Many males firmly believe that once the baby is born, their sex life will go right back to how it was pre-pregnancy. This is unrealistic, and it puts pressure on both partners.

New fathers can help their partner move beyond those feelings of sexual disinterest by being a very involved parent and helping around the house.

Many new mothers are quite happy to perform a hand job and or a blow job until they are feeling sexual again. And many males will be quite happy masturbating until their partner is ready to resume sexual intercourse. (Here’s a fun sex toy that has gotten other couples through the postnatal sexual dilemma.)

Touching, hugging, kissing and snuggling are important for both, but remember, there should be no expectation that it will inevitably end up in sex.

It takes time, patience and understanding to return to a normal, intimate, loving partnership after your first baby is born.

Good luck

PS: For more information on this topic look HERE!

New At This?

Name: Sita
Gender: female
Age: 19
Location: Delhi
Hi!
I came to know u through the net. I am from India and I am 19 years old. I am married for the past one year and I have a problem. Myself and my husband had sexual relationship which meant only breaking of the hymen but whenever he tries to insert it I cry out of pain and stop him from it. I really do not know how to overcome this problem. Kindly help me please.

The two most likely reasons for this painful fucking are: 1) you’re not aroused enough before the fucking begins, or 2) you have a physical condition that might make fucking painful, even if you are aroused.

I’d be willing to bet that, in your case, Sita, the first reason is the more likely cause of your discomfort. This is often the case with young people having their first go at sex. One can hardly fault them, both women and men in our culture as well as the women and men in yours are not particularly informed about their own sexual response cycle, much less the sexual response cycle of their partners.

Young women new to sex, may not have time to come to full arousal before their man starts trying to shove “it” in. A woman, particularly one who is new to fucking, must come to full arousal before her partner attempts penetration. A man, on the other hand, needs only to have a stiff dick. And if the young men in your country are anything like the young men here in the good old US of A, they pretty much have a hardon 24 hours a day. This obviously makes them ready and eager for the old in and out long before their female partners are ready and eager for the same. If your husband is guilty of this, and I’d bet my last rupee that he is, your body will resist him, even if you want to make a go of it.

I’d also be willing to bet that your culture, like ours, doesn’t value a woman’s sexuality or pleasure as much as it values a man’s sexuality and pleasure. If that’s the case, you’re gonna have to struggle against those cultural forces to gain your rightful place as an equal sex partner in your marriage.

jillin off

Start by being well informed about your own sexual response cycle. If you don’t know what turns your crank, don’t expect your hubby to know what to do.

My first question to you is: are you orgasmic? If not, there’s a whole lot of remedial sex learning for you to do on your own. If you resist doing this, for whatever reason — women are not supposed to do that, blah, blah, blah —you can say good by to ever enjoying sex with your man.

Once you figure out how your body work, it’s gonna be your responsibility to instruct your husband on the subtleties and points of interest of your particular pussy. Touch is very important to most women: often a woman will want to be touched and caressed all over, not just on the sexually charged points of her body like her tits and clit. Take your husband on a little touch tour of your body. Literally, take him by the hand and touch yourself with his fingers. Show him the kind of touch you like in the places you like to be touched. Take your time with this. I can guarantee he’s not gonna get it the first time out.

With your help he’s gonna be able to see your arousal build. He should be encouraged to use his lips and mouth as well as his hands. Make your man work for his bone, darling. If you let him just pounce on you like a sack of rice, that’s how he’s gonna respond to you. If you want him to behave like a lover rather than a conqueror, then you’re gonna have to demand that of him.

If you’re not fully aroused, your pussy will be dry. Use a lubricant to make yourself slippery and to facilitate penetration. If you can’t get commercial lube, cooking oil or saliva is better than nothing at all.

more lube

If you follow these simple steps, Sita, you will have greater success with your fucking. You will experience great pleasure and be a fount of great pleasure for your husband. In the end, it is you who must take the lead in this. Know your own body, so you can give teach your husband about it. Then insist that he must respect and use that information.

Good luck

6 Reasons Why Orgasms Need to Be Part of Your Morning Routine – Starting Now!

By Erica Braverman

Forget fiber cereal and coffee – and orgasm is the best way to start the day, hands down.

black-couple-in-bed

A great start to the day can make the rest of the day fly by so much better. So what makes for a great start? Why not add an orgasm to the mix? Not only will your mornings be much more enjoyable, you’ll also get to enjoy a ton of physical and emotional benefits that last the entire day – and beyond!

Not convinced? Here are six benefits of daily orgasms:

Less Stress

Orgasm releases feel-good endorphins like dopamine and serotonin into the body, leaving you more calm, happy and balanced. Starting the day with a dose of good vibes will give you the clear mind you need to tackle whatever fresh hell the day serves up with a zen-like poise. (Try more than one! Read Top Tips for Multiples Female Orgasms for tips on how to do it.)

o-face

Better Work Performance

Say buh-bye to anxiety and hello to the corner office. A recent study in Scotland proved that people who had orgasms before important speaking engagements felt much calmer and more self-possessed when it came time to deliver their speeches. This was probably thanks to the reduced cortisol levels that come from orgasm. Can you say “win-win situation”?

Bye Bye Belly Bloat

When you orgasm, a rush of oxytocin surges through you, making you feel physically amazing – while shoving your cortisol levels out the window. Since cortisol is the hormone behind both stress and belly bloat, you’re actually killing two birds with one stone. Go you.

Big, Beautiful Brains

Skip today’s regularly scheduled Sudoku puzzle – an orgasm doesn’t just make you feel great, it also improves your memory and boosts your brain activity. This is mainly due to a spike in your DHEA hormone, which also gives your skin that amazing post-sex glow. Hello, beauty and brains.

Laser-Sharp Focus

Masturbation is like meditation. You go through the motions, you do it consistently, you are persistent and regular, and after a while – boom! – our mind changes, you get used to the focusing and relaxing, and you start feeling the benefits.

­This is because meditation and masturbation both promote mindfulness: the ability to be present, to quiet your mind and to focus on one thing. Our brains have to process a lot of information, but with mindfulness, we can learn to slow down and control that flow of information even when we aren’t meditating (or masturbating!).

o face

Good Things Come to Those Who Feel Good

What is it with this widespread belief that what feels good is bad for you, and you can only achieve greatness through suffering? Newsflash: many things that feel good are also good for you.

In fact, a number of studies from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill show that pleasurable experiences tend to generate an upward spiral in our lives.

It’s time to get real with yourself and do things that give you pleasure while meeting your goals. Ditch that Type-A guilt and remember that much like drinking a green juice or hitting the Stairmaster, feeling good is good for you.

Starting the day with an orgasm isn’t just a way to feel good in the moment – it can set you up for success all day long, while improving your overall health and well-being.

Complete Article HERE!