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Are You Gettin’ On, But Not Gettin’ Off?

Name: Rachel
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Location: somewhere
Is it possible for a girl not to be able to have an orgasm after having sex twice?

You betcha, Rachel! Loads of women, way too many in fact, go through most of their lives being pre-orgasmic. Even having sex on a regular basis and having lots of babies is no guarantee that the woman in question is orgasmic. It’s a staggering statistic that us men folk simply can’t wrap our heads around. In fact I believe the earth would stop rotating on its axis if an equal number of men lived most of their lives without being orgasmic.

Now it must be clear to you, even at your tender age, that there are some fundamental differences between the sexes when it comes to sexual enjoyment. But a good portion of that has always been culturally dependent. Men have always had a whole lot more cultural permission to be sexually experimental. And since our willie is just hangin around down there waiting for an invitation to play. Or more precisely it’s our wang that tells us it’s time to play. We get to know our way around our boner early in life. Women? Ahhh not so much! Ok, so historically women have been sexually oppressed and repressed. But times they are a chanin! And all you women folk out there need to wake up about this.

Nowadays you don’t need nobody’s stinkin’ permission to get real acquainted with your cooch. That’s why I am a really big advocate of the notion that each of us, both the women folk and the men folk, ought to be responsible for our own orgasms…even, or more especially, in partnered sex.

If you mean by having sex, (and I hate that ambiguous term), that you’re having full-on cock in cooter fucking, and you’re not being appropriately pleasured, then I think it’s high time for you to take some responsibility for that. I mean you can chalk up just so much sexual disappointment to the sex-negative culture and a slew of offish and uninformed male lovers, darling!

If the man you are with isn’t pleasuring you to orgasm, then it’s your responsibility to take the time to instruct him on how it’s done. If you don’t insist that your partnered sex be mutual and reciprocal, i.e. pleasure for pleasure, then you’re gonna have to suffer the consequences. If loutish men are bumpin’ around down there gettin their jollies, but leaving you high and dry…literally and figuratively…then you are not taking care of business properly.

Of course, the other alternative is just doing it yourself. Either way, you should have the know-how to bring yourself to orgasm even if you are with an ineffectual lover.

I suppose you know where I’m going with this, huh? Well, here’s the 411 on gettin’ rid of preorgasmia once and for all. It is incumbent upon you to be exceptionally well versed in the pleasure points of your own personal pussy so you can pass this information on to the guy who wants to jump your bones. Never, and I mean never, assume a dude is gonna know what to do all on his own. Even a very seasoned lover is not gonna know the particulars of your pussy. But luckily, a seasoned lover will probably ask to be introduced to your cooch as insurance that he does the job right.

Begin by knowing your body and your sexual response cycle inside out. You are intimately familiar with masturbation, right? If not, times a wastin’, girl! Start by learning how to pleasure your body to orgasm. Once you get the hang of it, you will likely know the kind of stimulation you need to achieve full arousal in partnered sex, because this is precisely the information you are gonna want to pass on to your partner before the next fuck-fest begins as well as throughout the event. If you don’t do this, then you probably deserve the sexual wasteland you will surely find.

In other words, if you’re gettin it on, but not gettin off; you, my dear, need to take some of the blame for that.

To that end, allow me to direct you to a two-part interview I did with the marvelous, Mikaya Heart. She was a guest on my show for the SEX WISDOM series. You will find the podcasts HERE and HERE!

Mikaya is the author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women; How to Become Orgasmic For A Lifetime. It is by far the best book about women’s sexuality that I have read in the past decade, if not longer.

Good luck

My First Love

It’s Pride Month! So we’ll be spending a little time each week hearing the thoughts and concerns of the LGBT community.

Name: Jaymie
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Hi, my name is Jaymie. I am a 16-year-old guy. I have a best friend (Jared) also 16, who I have been in love with for 3 years now. I know, you probably think, “he’s too young to fall in love”. Well I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever been so sure of in my life.

Anyways, I am bisexual. He knows that. I told him about 4 months ago that I was in love with him and he told me he already knew and that he was ok with it. A few years ago, we made out one night when we were kind of drunk and that scared him. He recently told me that he used to have feelings for me, but he got rid of them because “that’s not the kind of person he is”. I’m guessing by that he means that he couldn’t do it because he is not “gay”. He’s had a girlfriend now and they’ve been together for about 10 months and he’s supposedly in love with her. Even though there relationship is shit and they are always fighting.

We’ve always been really flirty with each other (cuddling, tickling, spooning, touching each others penis’ etc.) but all that has kind of gone down hill because of his parents catching us spooning and giving him SO much shit about it. Now we just cuddle once in a while.

I have a couple of questions, and you seem like a smart man. 1. What should I do about him? Should I give up on him? I cry all the time about it because I feel he’s the only one for me that I will ever love this much. 2. I know this might be a little weird, but when we were sleeping next to each other, I always stick my hands down his pants and play with his penis. Sometimes for fun, sometimes I jack him off while I jack off (I know, so I’m a little obsessed) he never wakes up though. He ALWAYS gets a boner when I do it but never moves and stays “asleep”. Can he get a boner from me touching him while he’s sleeping? Or does this mean that he’s faking it and knows I am doing it? If you could answer me that would be great. It’s really important.

You know what? You’re right; I’m a smart man. Smart enough to recognize that you too are pretty damn smart yourself. This is so curious to me. I know men more than twice your age who, in comparison to you, are absolutely clueless about who they are and what they desire. You, on the other hand, are very precocious. And that, my friend, is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have extraordinary clarity about yourself and what makes you tick. On the other hand, being as advanced as you are, you leave your age peers in the dust, so to speak. The young man you mention, Jared, he is nowhere near as confident as you with regard to who he is and what he wants. That’s not unusual. In fact, as I suggest, that’s par for the course for a young man his age. You are the one who is unusual. And I’m not talking about your sexual preferences, just your emotional maturity.

I’m receiving an ever-increasing number of messages from young people, just like you, who are in the throws of adolescent anxiety. Everything seems topsy-turvy in their life including their sexual awakenings. These young people’s hormones are raging and they don’t know how to direct them.

You, Jaymie, say you love your friend. You suspect that I will disregard the whole idea as preposterous, because of your age. On the contrary, I take what you say at face value. I know for certain that young people have the capacity to feel as deeply and as passionately about things as older people. What may be lacking in younger people is a frame of reference — a means of tempering their unruly passions — because that come only by way of life experience. I hasten to add that a good number of us older folks don’t have the ability rule our passion very well either, even though we have a shit-load of life experience. This is truly unfortunate, because our lack of insight makes for some pretty messy lives and seriously diminishes the number of good role models of living healthy emotional lives. Perhaps if you get the hang of this while in your teens, Jaymie, you’ll be much better situated as an adult.

I note that you say you cry all the time. You claim you know your friend is the only guy for you and this causes this emotional distress. Here’s where I believe the whole life experience thing could help temper your passions. But since this is your first time out the gate, let me make some predictions. I’d be willing to bet my last dollar that this guy, as pivotal as he is to you today, is not the only man for you. In fact, I’ll wager that by the time you finish college, you’ll barely remember this fellow’s name. I’d also be willing to bet that most of your tears are tears of frustration, because the young man in question is unwilling, or more likely unable, to return your affections as you think he should. And unrequited love stings like the dickens. But I think you already know that part.

I have another prediction for you. You will have several of these unrequited love experiences in your life. I can predict this with absolute certainty, because lots of people just like you have traveled this same path. So if you allow me to offer you some advice, it would be to try to go with the flow. Take the joys with the pain and try not to fly apart in the process. Destiny has lots of things in store for you. And Jared is just the first of many of his kind.

As you make your way in life, particularly as a bisexual or gay man, you will discover a sad fact. Many other men with the same longings as you, some of which will be the objects of your affections, will not be able to acknowledge or reciprocate your feelings. This is because they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own feelings. The world is full of these kinds of men. So prepare to meet more than your share.

Jared’s pretending to be asleep while you fondle and jerk him off, is his way of avoiding both you and himself. Trust me, if he didn’t want you to do what you are doing, he’d sure enough let you know in no uncertain terms. Exclusively straight boys and men are like that. They’re like totally not down with the gay sex thing. Again, I’d wager he’s accepting your sexual advances and even enjoying them as much as he allows him himself to. What he can’t or won’t do is be upfront about it with you.

No doubt he’s scared shitless about all of this. On the one hand he’s being intensely pleasured by you, another guy. On the other he must be crippled with guilt and shame, aware of how inappropriate this is in terms of his parents value system, his religious upbringing and a good portion of our sex negative culture. I’d also be willing to bet that despite the fact that you are touching him out of your deep feelings for him, your touch only adds to his internal conflict and anxiety.

Most guys who receive the sexual attentions of another dude, but fake being absent through out, like feigning sleep or being drunk, can avoid some of the internal conflict by telling themselves that they are not like the guy doling out the sexual touch. That is in fact a delusion, but many a man gets through his life on delusion alone. You will discover this for yourself as your life unfolds before you.

Finally, to your question should you quit Jared? I think that you and I both know that despite your deep feelings for him, he’s not gonna wake up from one of your sexually charged naps and proclaim his love for you…at least not anytime soon. In fact, if you continue along the path, you risk ruining any chance that he could come to an awakening and acceptance of his sexuality on his own. Constantly pressuring him and mooning over him is counterproductive. And I also foresee a major confrontation erupting soon. Here’s a tip: some even ostensibly straight guys can groove on the whole sex thing with another dude, but they choke on the emotional attachment that often comes with the proffered blowjob.

So it’s pretty much your call, Jaymie. Will you continue to assail Jared for your own selfish pleasure knowing as you do that he can’t or won’t respond as you want him to? Or do you back off and allow him the time and space he needs to come to awareness on his own?

I think we both know what the mature choice is, don’t we? If you love this guy as much as you say, you’re gonna have to cool your jets and give him room to mature at his own pace. Remember he has some ways to go to catch up with you.

Good luck

Batter Up

Name: Trey
Gender: Male
Age: 17
I’m 17 years old. I hit puberty at age 10, so I have had time for my dick to grow, but it hasn’t. I’m 1 inch soft and 4 inches hard. Why? Is it normal? I mean all the other guys have dicks at least 4 inches soft and like 6-8 inches hard. Even one of my of my 13-year-old friends dick is honestly 6 inches soft! What is wrong with me? Why is mine so small? Is it abnormal for my age? I have heard that weight can have something to do with it? I’m about 240 pounds. Can you help? I can’t do surgeries or enhancement pills or whatever. I mean, give some names of medicines and I can talk to my doctor or something.

Normally I wouldn’t respond to yet another question about how one grows his dick bigger. I’ve already dedicated enough ink to this topic to last a lifetime. If you want the 411 on cock enlargement techniques of all types, all you have to do is use the search function in the header and search for topics like: cock size, cock shape and jelqing. Or look for these topics in the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar. You’ll find everything I have to say on the subject.  Here’s an example of what I am talking about — Much Ado About Very Little.

But for your benefit, Trey, I’ll summarize. Our dick size is determined by genetics, like our skin color, hair color, stature and the like. Permanent male enhancement by any means, short of surgery, is a fiction. And surgery is an exceptionally risky procedure, often times only making matters worse.

The only reason I decided to publicly respond to your question, Trey, is because you mention your weight. You tell me you are 17 years old and you weigh about 240lbs. That’s astounding, pup. Unless you are 7” tall and built like a brick shithouse, you must be considerably overweight, perhaps even obese. If I were you, darlin’, I’d consider my weight problem to be a much bigger liability then the size of my baloney pony.

Seriously, one sure fire way to add to your dick size is to lose weight. Think about it, if your unit is struggling to peek out from under a big fold of fat hanging down from just above your cock, you could easily add a couple inches if you trimmed the fat. But dick size aside, you’re simply carrying too much weight and at such a tender age. YIKES!

You know you are at risk for diabetes, circulatory problems and cardiac problems, right? Each and every one of these will impact in a very negative way on your sexual response cycle. So even if you could magically grow you dick bigger, your weight will defeat you; making it impossible for you to get it up and get it off.

I encourage you to seriously consider a lifestyle change, pup. Do it so you’ll have a bigger dick, if that’s what you really want. And in the process you’ll also insure a healthier heart making that bigger dick of yours function like it oughta.

Good luck

Name: razor
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: Texas
My partner and I have been together for about 8 months now. I can’t even say we had a great, awesome, sex life at first. There was something else. I thought I had found a good person and friend in him. He is very sexy, lean and hung. Honestly, I should really want him. I’m poz, and he’s not. I, wonder if that could be the reason, why I don’t desire him? Afraid that I might hurt him somehow. Or could this be just what I think it is, could I just not want sex?

Mmmm, I’d go with the first option, if I had to pick one. I’d be willing to guess that the disparity between you and your BF’s HIV status is indeed getting in the way of your eroticism. And that’s a big fat bummer, because it doesn’t have to be like that.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the lack of desire for this hot and hunky HIV- guy isn’t getting in the way of you guys having a good relationship, is it? The reason I ask is that many happy secure relationships are based on other things besides sex. You say he’s a good person and a friend. Maybe that’s all you need to make this relationship work and last. Most long-term relationships wind up being relatively sexless anyway. Instead of sexual fulfillment, the couple finds contentment in the intimacy and stability of the relationship. And that is often more gratifying than a vigorous roll in the hay.

As to your fears about possibly hurting your guy through sex…well life is full of risks, right? Your man is equally aware of the possibility of an accidental sero-conversion as you, right? But he stays with you. Why is that? Maybe he’s willing to take the risk; because he has this other connection with you…ya know the friendship thing. Maybe he is confident about the safe sex he practices. Maybe sex is not all that important to him, considering he’s in a relationship with a good man who is his friend. Maybe you just oughta ask him.

At the same time, there’s loads of very pleasurable sexual activities you guys could involve yourselves in which carry very little to absolutely no risk of an HIV accident. Maybe you just need to get a little more creative in your sex play. Lots of mixed HIV couples have figured this out already.

Fear is an ugly thing, Razor. It can, as you suggest, shut down a person’s entire erotic life. But I encourage you not to let this happen to you. Push past your fears. Work with a sex-positive therapist or an HIV support group, if you must. Just don’t settle for the status quo. Even if your current relationship isn’t dependent on a regular slap and tickle, you oughtn’t live your life like you are some kind of Typhoid Mary. That is if you ask me.

Good luck


Hey sex fans!

Welcome to this our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the second of three products that came to us from a marvelous Israeli company, Joya 4U. If you somehow missed the first of our reviews you can find it HERE.

Today we welcome back Dr Dick Review Crew member, Angie. We’ve missed you ma’am! And we’re so glad you’re back with us.

Little Su Natural —— $38.41


After an all-together too long hiatus from the Dr Dick Review Crew I’m happily back where I belong. Thanks for the warm welcome back, Dr Dick.

I was absent for so long because I had a little medical issue that I needed to attend to. Actually, it was a big medical concern. I was diagnosed with lymphoma over a year ago. One of these days I’d like to do some writing about my cancer diagnosis and treatment and how these things impacted me, my husband and our sex life. But until that day comes, let’s just say it was an adventure. A difficult, confusing and often painful adventure, but an adventure nonetheless.

There is precious little information about sex and sexuality available to cancer survivors. No one seemed to be capable of speaking clearly and unambiguously about how a diagnosis and treatment can impact a person’s intimate life. This conspiracy of silence has got to stop!

See, don’t get me started. Well, actually, this is precisely where I want to start.

The only way I knew how to work my way back to being a sexual being, for myself, and a sexual partner, for my husband, was through masturbation.

My self-loving exercises began slowly and tentatively, but I still made progress. My husband was lovingly supportive, which was a really good thing. I am so blessed.

All this gets me to my review of the Little Su Natural. This delightful insertable is my new friend. And the curious thing is, it’s not a vibrator.

The beautiful packaging refers to Little Su Natural as a dildo, but I think that generic designation does it a disservice. This 100% medical grade silicone insertable is much more versatile than any other dildo I’ve ever used. It’s so flexible; you can use it alone, or with a partner. And you can use it vaginally or anally. It relatively small as insertable go, it’s only about 4.5” long with a diameter of slightly over 1.25”.

I’d like to direct your attention to the user manual that comes with the Little Su Natural. Here you will find detailed written instructions and illustrations depicting various methods of using Little Su Natural. For example, when the thick bulbous end is inserted vaginally it brings the sculptured tail in contact with your clitoris. Rubbing or rocking on a bed or pillow delivers intense pleasure. The Little Su Natural is also ideal for tightening you PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. As part of my post cancer rehabilitation I’ve rededicated myself to doing my kegel exercises, which has revitalized the sensations I feel internally.

The Little Su Natural works just as well in partnered play. I insert it as I would when I am alone, but when I’m with my husband; I straddle his thigh and rock myself to pleasure or he will use his hand to rock it for me. This position gives me more control over the kind of stimulation I want and need. I learned that having control, like this, was particularly important to me when I was first reinvestigating my sexual response after chemo.

I hasten to add that you can only use water-based lube with this silicone toy.

Clean up is a snap! Warm water and mild soap will do for everyday cleaning. If you are looking to share your Little Su Natural, and I think you should, then you must sanitize it. This is easily done by dropping it into a pot of boiling or putting it through a cycle in the dishwasher.

As much as I admired the stylish packaging, the foam insert inside the box, which holds the Little Su Natural, has a bit of an unpleasant odor. I decided to get rid of that and replace it with folded hand towel. That way I can continue to use the box for storage.
Full Review HERE!


Learning to ride

Hey sex fans!

We’re all back from Spring Break. Did you miss us? We sure missed you. So ok, let’s get this ball rolling again with a timely question from one of my correspondents.

Name: Drew
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: Boise
I’m gay, I’m a virgin, and I think I may be afraid of sex. In all the porn I’ve seen, the bottom guy looks uncomfortable and in pain, why would I want that? I’ve only done anything sexual with one guy and I was so anxious that I couldn’t even get up. I liked the guy, he was hot, and I enjoyed all the fore-play type stuff, but I just couldn’t do anything else. Any advice on how to get over this?

First thing, don’t ever look to porn for your sex education; you will surely be misled. Second, that grimace that you report seeing on the bottom’s face as he is being penetrated, may be a grimace of pleasure not pain. I think you are projecting your own discomfort on the guys in the movies.

Let me tell you a little story. The other day I was walking in the park with Ginger the dog. Actually, I was trying to walk like a normal person, but she was pulling me along like a maniac. We were both, in our own way, enjoying some beautiful spring weather and the sights, sounds and smells nature in its glory. As we walked along we encountered a father and son who were seriously involved in what appeared to be the kid’s first lesson in riding a bicycle…without training wheels. Despite the father’s patient encouragement the kid couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. He would start out ok, but just as soon as his dad let go of the back of his seat the boy would wobble and eventually crash. There were plenty of tears, a skinned knee and the boy’s fear and anxiety was thick enough to cut with a knife. It was quite a scene.

The kid was convinced that he didn’t have what it took to ride on his own. His defeatism fueled itself and became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He finally gave up. Sat down on a bench, his bike in a tangle at his side, and refused his father’s pleading that he try again. In the kid’s mind the bike was the enemy another attempt would only hurt and humiliate, and so the lesson ended.

What the kid lacked was self-confidence, a sense of adventure and probably more importantly — balance. I wish I had had an opportunity to suggest to the boy and his dad, that they might try another ploy. I wanted to say, set the bike aside and work on that balance thing first. This would surely increase the boy’s confidence and it wouldn’t cost a blow to his ego or his knee. And it would be fun.

I would have suggested the dad start by helping the kid walk on 4” curb, balancing himself as he went. Then the dad could increase the challenge to include balancing on one foot, then the other. Once the kid discovered the power within him to accomplish these tasks, the bike could be reintroduced. The father would assist the boy in drawing upon his skill in balancing on the curb to master balancing on his bike.

The same will be true for you, Drew. Sex is nothing to be afraid of. Rather it is a skill that one learns. Some, obviously, take to it quicker than others, but everyone can learn a happy, healthy sexual expression that will build self-esteem and bring great pleasure.

I want you to start exploring and enjoying your bottom on your own. Like the kid in the park, you need to acquaint yourself with the powers that lie within you. He needed to find a sense of balance within himself; you need to find the Big Old Butt Pirate within yourself.

Most all of the discomfort in butt fucking is associated with your sphincter muscle trying to resist whatever it is being inserted in your ass. When this muscle resists to the point of spasm things can become very painful. So here’s what I want you to do.

  • First, before you start playing with your hole — relax. Just like the kid in the park would have needed to calm himself before attempting to balance on the curb. The same is true for you.
  • Take a relaxing shower, a warm bath, and/or try some deep breathing exercises to center yourself.
  • Have a ready supply of a water-based lube handy. Silicone-based lubes are swell for these exercises too. However, oil-based lubricants aren’t recommended for use with a condom.
  • Start with a little self-pleasuring. Stroke your dick with your lubed hand and get into your happy place.
  • Gradually slather some of that lube on to your balls and taint. With legs open wide find your hole and play with your rosebud. Gently massage the area around your asshole, but don’t side your fingers in just yet. Simply get used to the feelings of playing at the opening of your ass.
  • Let your play include the tip of your finger entering your ass.
  • If you do this while you’re stroking your cock, you will find that your hole will actually open and invite your finger. That’s the great thing about pleasuring one part of your body while learning to pleasure another.
  • Once you are comfortable with your fingertip inside, try pushing it in further and move it around a little. Try pushing it and pulling it out of your ass. Ya know, like finger-fucking yourself.
  • Find your prostate. It shouldn’t be hard to find if you’re all horned up. It will feel smooth and hard, like a flat stone.
  • Give that puppy a nice gentle massage. If you’re still stroking your wood, don’t be surprised if this prostate massage gets you to bust your nut. In fact, you will find that your prostate actually enlarges a bit and becomes more firm just as you are about to shoot.
  • As you jizz you will also notice that your sphincter muscle will tighten around your finger and pulsate with each squirt

Continue these self-pleasuring exercises until you are comfortable inserting a couple fingers in your ass. Then try a small vibrating dildo. In no time at all you will be ready to jump on your bike and ride…so to speak.

With these exercises behind you, no pun intended, the first time you actually fuck with a partner will be the incredible experience it is meant to be. If you encounter any discomfort you’ll know what to do — deep breathing to relax and priming your hole with a lubed finger or two.

  • First, attend to your personal hygiene. Make sure you’re clean inside. We don’t want any unsightly and embarrassing mishaps to mess up the big event.
  • Remember to take it slow. There’s no rushing pleasure. And you’ll be the one in charge of what goes in your ass, when and for how long.
  • Warm up with some foreplay, kissing, sucking, licking, rimming touching and massaging.
  • Have condoms and lots of lube near to hand.
  • While you’re warming up, start loosening up your ass with your lubed fingers, just like in your self-pleasuring exercises.
  • Once you’re comfortable offer your ass to your partner. Have him replace your fingers with his own. Try some swell finger-fucking first.
  • Once you’re relaxed and loose, lie on your side with your partner behind you. Have him slowly push his cock against your rosebud.
  • Try pushing out like you are trying to take a dump. This will help open up your sphincter for his entry.
  • As he enters you, have him stop so that you can breathe deeply. Give your ass the time it needs to adjust to the new sensations. If there’s pain or discomfort have your partner reverse course and go back to finger fucking before you proceed.
  • Make sure that your partner knows that if you ask him to stop; he will stop. Trust is very important in butt fucking.
  • As he fills you with his dick he will hit your prostate. This will send waves of pleasure through your body and signal your sphincter to open for even more.
  • You may find that you’ll even want to push your ass back to meet and engulf his cock.

By the time this happens you will happily discover that you are ridding your bike all by yourself. And you will be very happy.

Good luck