Search Results: Ass Pain

You are browsing the search results for ass pain

The Erotic Mind of John Woods & Cass King – Podcast #213 – 06/21/10

FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrShare

Hey sex fans,

HAPPY SOLSTICE EVERYONE! Damn, this year is flying by. It seems like it was only a couple of weeks ago that we were welcoming spring. Sheesh!

So remember how I promised you a knock-you-out line up of guests for our special Pride month shows? Well then, I got something for you today that’ll sure enough make you sit up and take note. In fact, we’re off on another audio field trip, one that will take us to the Theater Off Jackson, here in Seattle. We’re gonna visit with John Woods & Cass King, the exceptional talent behind the wildly popular and deliciously sexy vaudevillians known as The Wet Spots.

John & Cass are in town to produce their first full-fledged musical stage production called SHINE: A Burlesque Musical, which will run from JULY 8th through the 18th. They’ve invited us to drop by to visit with them between rehearsals. And I don’t mind telling you that I’m more than a little stage struck. I mean give me the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd and I’m a happy guy.

Besides the sparkling conversation, which brings a whole new dimension to The Erotic Mind podcast series, our guests will share with us one of their brand new songs, written expressly for the show. Get ready to be bowled over!

John & Cass and I discuss:

  • Vulgarity, filth and perversion? Maybe not so much!
  • The Wet Spots — a husband and wife team from the golden age of comedy.
  • How they got their act together.
  • The universal appeal of sex humor.
  • Their queer following.
  • The intensity of living and working together and their polly marriage.
  • Producing SHINE: A Burlesque Musical.
  • Their new songs for the show.
  • The creative process.
  • A musical about show business — a very old tradition.

John & Cass invite you to visit the SHINE: A Burlesque Musical website HERE! Or the Wet Spots website HERE! They’re on Facebook too, HERE and HERE!

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

I wanna take a moment to remind you to check out another great website in the Dr Dick family of sites. It’s my new PRODUCT REVIEW site — drdicksextoyreviews.com

That’s right, sex fans, now it’s so easy to see what hot and what’s not in the world of adult products. I review of all kinds of adult related goodies — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, herbal products, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE!

Look for the drdicksextoyreviews.com. You’ll be so glad you did.

 

I Have A Pain in My Inbox!

From the sublime to the ridiculous, my inbox is a catch all. Kinda like the grease trap in your kitchen drain. Wading through the detritus can often be injurious to my health. But wade I must. So onward we go.

Name: anonras
Gender:
Age: 47
Location: Northridge CA
I’ve heard a lot about checking your balls for possible problems — but none ever say what lumps you have naturally. At the low point of my testacies I feel a lump (I would explain it as an area that would feel more or less like a cracked egg, you have that part that is globulous and is string-tethered to the yoke. Is that exactly what’s happening? Should you feel any pain if you squeeze it — especially trying to figure out if it is a lump or not?

repo.jpgHoney, I’m clever as all-get out about lots of things, but the lump on your balls ain’t one of those things. I’m not a medical doctor; I don’t even play one here on the internets. And I can assure you, no reputable doctor anywhere would hazard a guess about what you present without first seeing you in person. That’s just good medicine.

That being said, I applaud you taking note of your balls in an inquisitive sort of way. Good for you! But you should also have at least a rudimentary understanding of your testicular anatomy. So that when you do your self-exam, you can have some sense about what it is you are examining. To this purpose, I offer the diagram to the right. Is there anything in the diagram that looks even remotely like what you are feeling in your ballsack?

Finally, if you have a concern about what you think may be an abnormality, isn’t it high time for you to high tail it to a doctor for a look-see?

Good luck

Name: Dorian
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: NYC
Is there any difference in Penis size between races?

Seriously? You need to get out more, darlin!
black_big_dick1.jpg
You becha there a difference in cock size between the races. While, within each racial group there is a natural diversity of size, from tiny to gargantuan. There’s no getting around the fact that there are more gargantuan johnsons in some racial groups then other. At the risk of perpetuating a stereotype, compare some fine black dick to some sweet Chinese cock.

asian.jpg

Good luck

Name: Kent I B Pinker
Gender:
Age: 32
Location: New Zealand
I am curious about anal bleaching. In part just for the sheer vanity of it, but also as a surprise and kinky turn on for my partner. I have done some research online but I am scared after reading some of the horror stories. Any advice?

Kent I B Pinker? I love it! You get the award for “Most Clever Pseudonym of the Year! Congratulations!

If you’re curious about anal bleaching — and yes, there is such a thing — you have way too much time on your hands. Anal bleaching is just the latest in a string of truly disturbing cosmetic trends sweeping the “More Money Than Brains” crowd. WTF, folks? If your vanity extends to the hue of your rosebud, you’re just too goddamn vain, in my humble opinion!

anusbanner.jpgThis all started in the adult industry, don’t ‘cha know. I guess some folks figured they weren’t quite ready for their close-up. Being part of that industry myself, I know how unforgiving hot lights and hi-def can be. However, I still can’t condone such a dangerous and reckless practice.

You are right to be scared off by the horror stories of bleachings gone bad, Kent. So I suggest, unless your hole is makin’ you money, you forego even contemplating the procedure.

Good luck

Name: William
Gender:
Age: 67
Location: Connecticut
Is there such a thing as a being a homosexual watcher only? Getting an erection but not wanting to perform?

kinsey_scale.jpgAll sexual orientation is on a continuum. See the Kinsey Scale to the right. The dean of American sex research, Alfred Kinsey, his associate, Wardell Pomeroy, and others developed this scale as a way of classifying a person’s sexuality in terms of both behavior and fantasy. These pioneering sexologists also found that an individual may be reassigned a position on this scale, at different periods in his/her life. It’s conceivable that one could go from 0 to 6 in a lifetime, or just a summer on Fire Island. This seven-point scale comes close to showing the many gradations that actually exist in human sexual expression.

To your specific question, William… Yes, some one could be a Kinsey “6” in terms of his fantasy and desire, but be a Kinsey “0” in terms of behaviors.

We’re amazing creatures, huh?

Good Luck

Name: michelle
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: canada
tips to help when the man your sleeping with has a small penis

Tips? …no pun intended, I hope.

doggiestyle.jpgOk, here goes — Tip #1, grin and bear it. Tip #2, find a guy with more pork. Tip #3, get a dildo. Tip #4, find a sexual position, like doggie style, that will make the most of every little bit of pecker the poor guy’s got. Tip #5, remember it ain’t always da meat, but it is always da motion.

Good luck

Name: Drew
Gender:
Age: 43
Location: Philadelphia
I am looking forward to my first man-on-man sex for the first time with a hookup in the near future. Question: What type of “preparation” do I need for my first anal sex? Also, should I use a condom with giving/getting oral sex? Thanks.

You’re in luck, newbee butt-pirate! Dr Dick has written (postings) and spoken (podcasts) extensively about the joys of ass fucking. Check out the CATEGORIES section on the left side of the site. Look for anything with the word “ass” in it. We don’t mince words around here. Or you can simply search for Liberating The B.O.B. Within. That’ll get ya started.

As to your concern about condom-covered dick for blowjobs; I don’t see a pressing reason for such. That’s not to say there’s no reason, just not a pressing one. I am of the mind that we ought to know something about the dick we’re sucking. Does it look healthy? Do you know where it’s been before it was in your mouth? How’s our oral health and hygiene? Will there be an exchange of bodily fluids? If you have questions about any of these things, maybe you need to postpone the cocksucking.

Good luck

Name: william
Gender:
Age: 19
Location: Wisconsin
In cock size, is 4 1/2 to small. Why is it so small and is there a way to fix it.

Jeez, ya mean 4.5” erect? Yeah, that’s kinda on the “How Adorable” end of the size spectrum. It’s not quite, “OMG, How Pathetic”, nor is it “Yikes, You’ll Put an Eye Out With That” either.

Why is it so small? Sheesh, beats me. Maybe when the angles were handing out meat, you thought they said “feet” and asked for petite.

Is there a way to fix it? Are you suggesting it doesn’t work? Or are you just a size queen? While you’re trying to figure that out, why not take a look at: Much Ado About Very Little.

Good luck

A handy history

Condemned, celebrated, shunned: masturbation has long been an uncomfortable fact of life. Why?

by Barry Reay

A handy history

The anonymous author of the pamphlet Onania (1716) was very worried about masturbation. The ‘shameful vice’, the ‘solitary act of pleasure’, was something too terrible to even be described. The writer agreed with those ‘who are of the opinion, that… it never ought to be spoken of, or hinted at, because the bare mentioning of it may be dangerous to some’. There was, however, little reticence in cataloguing ‘the frightful consequences of self-pollution’. Gonorrhoea, fits, epilepsy, consumption, impotence, headaches, weakness of intellect, backache, pimples, blisters, glandular swelling, trembling, dizziness, heart palpitations, urinary discharge, ‘wandering pains’, and incontinence – were all attributed to the scourge of onanism.

The fear was not confined to men. The full title of the pamphlet was Onania: Or the Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution, and all its Frightful Consequences (in Both Sexes). Its author was aware that the sin of Onan referred to the spilling of male seed (and divine retribution for the act) but reiterated that he treated ‘of this crime in relation to women as well as men’. ‘[W]hilst the offence is Self-Pollution in both, I could not think of any other word which would so well put the reader in mind both of the sin and its punishment’. Women who indulged could expect disease of the womb, hysteria, infertility and deflowering (the loss of ‘that valuable badge of their chastity and innocence’).

Another bestselling pamphlet was published later in the century: L’onanisme (1760) by Samuel Auguste Tissot. He was critical of Onania, ‘a real chaos … all the author’s reflections are nothing but theological and moral puerilities’, but nevertheless listed ‘the ills of which the English patients complain’. Tissot was likewise fixated on ‘the physical disorders produced by masturbation’, and provided his own case study, a watchmaker who had self-pleasured himself into ‘insensibility’ on a daily basis, sometimes three times a day; ‘I found a being that less resembled a living creature than a corpse, lying upon straw, meagre, pale, and filthy, casting forth an infectious stench; almost incapable of motion.’ The fear these pamphlets promoted soon spread.

The strange thing is that masturbation was never before the object of such horror. In ancient times, masturbation was either not much mentioned or treated as something a little vulgar, not in good taste, a bad joke. In the Middle Ages and for much of the early modern period too, masturbation, while sinful and unnatural, was not invested with such significance. What changed?

Religion and medicine combined powerfully to create a new and hostile discourse. The idea that the soul was present in semen led to thinking that it was very important to retain the vital fluid. Its spilling became, then, both immoral and dangerous (medicine believed in female semen at the time). ‘Sin, vice, and self-destruction’ were the ‘trinity of ideas’ that would dominate from the 18th into the 19th century, as the historians Jean Stengers and Anne Van Neck put it in Masturbation: The Great Terror (2001).

There were exceptions. Sometimes masturbation was opposed for more ‘enlightened’ reasons. In the 1830s and 1840s, for instance, female moral campaign societies in the United States condemned masturbation, not out of hostility to sex, but as a means to self-control. What would now be termed ‘greater sexual agency’ – the historian April Haynes refers to ‘sexual virtue’ and ‘virtuous restraint’ – was central to their message.

Yet it is difficult to escape the intensity of the fear. J H Kellogg’s Plain Facts for Old and Young (1877) contained both exaggerated horror stories and grand claims: ‘neither the plague, nor war, nor smallpox, nor similar diseases, have produced results so disastrous to humanity as the pernicious habit of Onanism; it is the destroying element of civilised societies’. Kellogg suggested remedies for the scourge, such as exercise, strict bathing and sleeping regimes, compresses, douching, enemas and electrical treatment. Diet was vital: this rabid anti-masturbator was co-inventor of the breakfast cereal that still bears his name. ‘Few of today’s eaters of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes know that he invented them, almost literally, as anti-masturbation food,’ as the psychologist John Money once pointed out.

The traces are still with us in other ways. Male circumcision, for instance, originated in part with the 19th-century obsession with the role of the foreskin in encouraging masturbatory practices. Consciously or not, many US males are faced with this bodily reminder every time they masturbate. And the general disquiet unleashed in the 18th century similarly lingers on today. We seem to have a confusing and conflicting relationship with masturbation. On one hand it is accepted, even celebrated – on the other, there remains an unmistakable element of taboo.

When the sociologist Anthony Giddens in The Transformation of Intimacy (1992) attempted to identify what made modern sex modern, one of the characteristics he identified was the acceptance of masturbation. It was, as he said, masturbation’s ‘coming out’. Now it was ‘widely recommended as a major source of sexual pleasure, and actively encouraged as a mode of improving sexual responsiveness on the part of both sexes’. It had indeed come to signify female sexual freedom with Betty Dodson’s Liberating Masturbation (1974) (renamed and republished as Sex for One in 1996), which has sold more than a million copies, and her Bodysex Workshops in Manhattan with their ‘all-women masturbation circles’. The Boston Women’s Health Collective’s classic feminist text Our Bodies, Ourselves (1973) included a section called ‘Learning to Masturbate’.

Alfred Kinsey and his team are mainly remembered for the sex surveys that publicised the pervasiveness of same-sex desires and experiences in the US, but they also recognised the prevalence of masturbation. It was, for both men and women, one of the nation’s principal sexual outlets. In the US National Survey (2009–10), 94 per cent of men aged 25-29 and 85 per cent of women in the same age group said that they had masturbated alone in the course of their lifetime. (All surveys indicate lower reported rates for women.) In the just-published results of the 2012 US National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 92 per cent of straight men and a full 100 per cent of gay men recorded lifetime masturbation.

There has certainly been little silence about the activity. Several generations of German university students were questioned by a Hamburg research team about their masturbatory habits to chart changing attitudes and practices from 1966 to 1996; their results were published in 2003. Did they reach orgasm? Were they sexually satisfied? Was it fun? In another study, US women were contacted on Craigslist and asked about their masturbatory experiences, including clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration. An older, somewhat self-referential study from 1977 of sexual arousal to films of masturbation asked psychology students at the University of Connecticut to report their ‘genital sensations’ while watching those films. Erection? Ejaculation? Breast sensations? Vaginal lubrication? Orgasm? And doctors have written up studies of the failed experiments of unfortunate patients: ‘Masturbation Injury Resulting from Intraurethral Introduction of Spaghetti’ (1986); ‘Penile Incarceration Secondary to Masturbation with A Steel Pipe’ (2013), with illustrations.

‘We are a profoundly self-pleasuring society at both a metaphorical and material level’

Self-stimulation has been employed in sexual research, though not always to great import. Kinsey and his team wanted to measure how far, if at all, semen was projected during ejaculation: Jonathan Gathorne-Hardy, Kinsey’s biographer, refers to queues of men in Greenwich Village waiting to be filmed at $3 an ejaculation. William Masters and Virginia Johnson recorded and measured the physiological response during sexual arousal, using new technology, including a miniature camera inside a plastic phallus. Their book Human Sexual Response (1966) was based on data from more than 10,000 orgasms from nearly 700 volunteers: laboratory research involving sexual intercourse, stimulation, and masturbation by hand and with that transparent phallus. Learned journals have produced findings such as ‘Orgasm in Women in the Laboratory – Quantitative Studies on Duration, Intensity, Latency, and Vaginal Blood Flow’ (1985).

In therapy, too, masturbation has found its place ‘as a means of achieving sexual health’, as an article by Eli Coleman, the director of the programme in human sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School, once put it. A published study in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology in 1977 outlined therapist-supervised female masturbation (with dildo, vibrator and ‘organic vegetables’) as a way of encouraging vaginal orgasm. Then there is The Big Book of Masturbation (2003) and the hundreds of (pun intended) self-help books, Masturbation for Weight Loss, a Womans Guide only among the latest (and more opportunistic).

Self-pleasure has featured in literature, most famously in Philip Roth’s novel Portnoys Complaint (1969). But it is there in more recent writing too, including Chuck Palahniuk’s disturbing short story ‘Guts’ (2004). Autoeroticism (and its traces) have been showcased in artistic expression: in Jordan MacKenzie’s sperm and charcoal canvases (2007), for example, or in Marina Abramović’s reprise of Vito Acconci’s Seedbed at the Guggenheim in 2005, or her video art Balkan Erotic Epic of the same year.

On film and television, masturbation is similarly pervasive: Lauren Rosewarne’s Masturbation in Pop Culture (2014) was able to draw on more than 600 such scenes. My favourites are in the film Spanking the Monkey (1994), in which the main character is trying to masturbate in the bathroom, while the family dog, seemingly alert to such behaviour, pants and whines at the door; and in the Seinfeld episode ‘The Contest’ (1992), in which the ‘m’ word is never uttered, and where George’s mother tells her adult son that he is ‘treating his body like it was an amusement park’.

There is much evidence, then, for what the film scholar Greg Tuck in 2009 called the ‘mainstreaming of masturbation’: ‘We are a profoundly self-pleasuring society at both a metaphorical and material level.’ There are politically-conscious masturbation websites. There is the online ‘Masturbation Hall of Fame’ (sponsored by the sex-toys franchise Good Vibrations). There are masturbationathons, and jack-off-clubs, and masturbation parties.

It would be a mistake, however, to present a rigid contrast between past condemnation and present acceptance. There are continuities. Autoeroticism might be mainstreamed but that does not mean it is totally accepted. In Sexual Investigations (1996), the philosopher Alan Soble observed that people brag about casual sex and infidelities but remain silent about solitary sex. Anne-Francis Watson and Alan McKee’s 2013 study of 14- to 16-year-old Australians found that not only the participants but also their families and teachers were more comfortable talking about almost any other sexual matter than about self-pleasuring. It ‘remains an activity that is viewed as shameful and problematic’, warns the entry on masturbation in the Encyclopedia of Adolescence (2011). In a study of the sexuality of students in a western US university, where they were asked about sexual orientation, anal and vaginal sex, condom use, and masturbation, it was the last topic that occasioned reservation: 28 per cent of the participants ‘declined to answer the masturbation questions’. Masturbation remains, to some extent, taboo.

When the subject is mentioned, it is often as an object of laughter or ridicule. Rosewarne, the dogged viewer of the 600 masturbation scenes in film and TV, concluded that male masturbation was almost invariably portrayed negatively (female masturbation was mostly erotic). Watson and McKee’s study revealed that their young Australians knew that masturbation was normal yet still made ‘negative or ambivalent statements’ about it.

Belief in the evils of masturbation has resurfaced in the figure of the sex addict and in the obsession with the impact of internet pornography. Throughout their relatively short histories, sexual addiction and hypersexual disorder have included masturbation as one of the primary symptoms of their purported maladies. What, in a sex-positive environment, would be considered normal sexual behaviour has been pathologised in another. Of the 152 patients in treatment for hypersexual disorder in clinics in California, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, Texas and Utah, a 2012 study showed that most characterised their sexual disorder in terms of pornography consumption (81 per cent) and masturbation (78 per cent). The New Catholic Encyclopedia’s supplement on masturbation (2012-13), too, slips into a lengthy disquisition on sex addiction and the evils of internet pornography: ‘The availability of internet pornography has markedly increased the practice of masturbation to the degree that it can be appropriately referred to as an epidemic.’

Critics think that therapeutic masturbation might reinforce sexual selfishness rather than sexual empathy and sharing

The masturbator is often seen as the pornography-consumer and sex addict enslaved by masturbation. The sociologist Steve Garlick has suggested that negative attitudes to masturbation have been reconstituted to ‘surreptitiously infect ideas about pornography’. Pornography has become masturbation’s metonym. Significantly, when the New Zealand politician Shane Jones was exposed for using his taxpayer-funded credit card to view pornographic movies, the unnamed shame was that his self-pleasuring activities were proclaimed on the front pages of the nation’s newspapers – thus the jokes about ‘the matter in hand’ and not shaking hands with him at early morning meetings. It would have been less humiliating, one assumes, if he had used the public purse to finance the services of sex workers.

Nor is there consensus on the benefits of masturbation. Despite its continued use in therapy, some therapists question its usefulness and propriety. ‘It is a mystery to me how conversational psychotherapy has made the sudden transition to massage parlour technology involving vibrators, mirrors, surrogates, and now even carrots and cucumbers!’ one psychologist protested in the late 1970s. He was concerned about issues of client-patient power and a blinkered pursuit of the sexual climax ‘ignoring … the more profound psychological implications of the procedure’. In terms of effectiveness, critics think that therapeutic masturbation might reinforce individual pleasure and sexual selfishness rather than creating sexual empathy and sharing. As one observed in the pages of the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 1995: ‘Ironically, the argument against masturbation in American society was originally religiously founded, but may re-emerge as a humanist argument.’ Oversimplified, but in essence right: people remain disturbed by the solitariness of solitary sex.

Why has what the Japanese charmingly call ‘self-play’ become such a forcing ground for sexual attitudes? Perhaps there is something about masturbation’s uncontrollability that continues to make people anxious. It is perversely non-procreative, incestuous, adulterous, homosexual, ‘often pederastic’ and, in imagination at least, sex with ‘every man, woman, or beast to whom I take a fancy’, to quote Soble. For the ever-astute historian Thomas Laqueur, author of Solitary Sex (2003), masturbation is ‘that part of human sexual life where potentially unlimited pleasure meets social restraint’.

Why did masturbation become such a problem? For Laqueur, it began with developments in 18th-century Europe, with the cultural rise of the imagination in the arts, the seemingly unbounded future of commerce, the role of print culture, the rise of private, silent reading, especially novels, and the democratic ingredients of this transformation. Masturbation’s condemned tendencies – solitariness, excessive desire, limitless imagination, and equal-opportunity pleasure – were an outer limit or testing of these valued attributes, ‘a kind of Satan to the glories of bourgeois civilisation’.

In more pleasure-conscious modern times, the balance has tipped towards personal gratification. The acceptance of personal autonomy, sexual liberation and sexual consumerism, together with a widespread focus on addiction, and the ubiquity of the internet, now seem to demand their own demon. Fears of unrestrained fantasy and endless indulging of the self remain. Onania’s 18th-century complaints about the lack of restraint of solitary sex are not, in the end, all that far away from today’s fear of boundless, ungovernable, unquenchable pleasure in the self.

Complete Article HERE!

Worried About Weight? How to Have Spectacular Sex Anyway

By

Spectacular sex – at any size – is really all about putting mind over body mass.

Fat man holding a measurement tape against white background

I was in my 20s the first time I heard the term BBW and learned that it stood for Big Beautiful Women. I had access to magazines, TV, books, movies and a host of other media, all without ever hearing of someone who thought fat bodies (like mine) could be sexy. I’m like a lot of fat people. (And yeah, I’m using the word fat even though some people still cringe when they hear it. Nothing about it is inherently insulting, negative, or worthy of scorn. I promise, getting used to hearing it will take the sting out.)

Anyway, like a lot of fat people, I was raised on a steady diet of disdain for my body, predicated on the idea that I could never be happily partnered with anyone if I “stayed fat.” Many people of size are resigned to the idea that they should settle for boring, intermittent, unsatisfying sex, or worse -that they should forgo sexy times altogether until they lose weight. Given the stats on successful weight loss, roughly 95 percent of those people will be waiting a very long time. I’m sure geriatric sex is awesome, but why wait decades to have the awesome giggity you could be having right now? Let’s take a look at what keeps some Big Beautiful Women (and yes, Big Handsome Men too) from the big, big love they could be enjoying now.

Problem: Logistics

Trying new sex positions can be daunting for anyone. But when you or your partner look nothing like the Kama Sutra pictures, sex becomes a mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a condom. Can you believe there’s no such thing as a fat Kama Sutra? Existing books on sexual positions all focus on a specific body type that excludes not just fat people, but anyone below 5 feet or above 6 feet tall.
Solution: In the 1980s Dr. Ruth Westheimer encouraged the use of pillows for propping and leverage, making sex positions easier to achieve. Since then, people have been talking about sex more openly and more honestly, leading to a flood of products designed to help people of all sizes have great sex. The Liberator ramp is my personal fave. It’s a bit of an investment but honestly, how much is too much to spend if the result is even more incredible sex? (Get more tips on sex positions in 9 Sex Moves to Rock a Woman’s World.)

Problem: Dressing the Part

Finding sexy bras, garters, teddies and other lingerie in plus-sizes has always been a hassle. Even if you find a reasonably priced store that carries large sizes, they almost never have large models. A size 22 shouldn’t have to guess what something will look like from seeing it on a size six model.
Solution: Fat-shion! More (mostly online) stores than ever carry plus-size lingerie of all types from modest to bold. Fat people demanded bustiers, thigh-high fishnets, silk boxer shorts, teddies and naughty nighties of all kinds. Torrid and Hips & Curves are good places to begin. (You can also check out plus-size lingerie at our affiliate, Adam & Eve.)

There are also crafting websites where talented seamstresses line up to create custom clothing for all sizes. Adventurous DIY types can add sparkle to boring bras with fabric paints, or even a bedazzler. Finally, you can network with other fatshionistas online to ask questions, get opinions and advice, and see pics of heavy people looking super cute in fancy duds. You might even see me over there!

Problem: “It Doesn’t Look Right”

The concept of confirmation bias means that our brains tend to favor information of imagery if it conforms to something we already believe. Most of us have been taught that, for example, full breasts above a small waist is very sexy. Anything that deviates from this, like fat, must not be sexy, right? Wrong! Sexy is always in the eye of the beholder. Luckily, the solution here is an easy one, since we always have the option to broaden our idea of what sexy looks like.
Solution: In the real world, preferences are as varied and changeable as the people who have them. Find some of the many wonderful images out there of people of all sizes playing sports, dancing, eating cupcakes, and getting the most out of life, and put them someplace you’ll see them often. Whether it’s on your refrigerator, your desktop wallpaper, or stuck on a bulletin board, surround yourself with images of people who look like you (or are you) doing wonderful things. Get used to looking at them until you remember that beauty can be found in a multitude of sizes -especially yours.

Problem: Negative Body Image

I’m certainly not suggesting that fat people are the only ones with body image issues, but fat people are often told how unacceptable they are by parents, siblings, teachers, doctors, classmates, friends, enemies and even total strangers. Whether it’s done in the course of bullying or out of feigned concern, being told that your body is unhealthy, ugly, or wrong can make anyone feel decidedly unsexy. Because we don’t tend to take good care of things we hate, bad body image can become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Solution No.1: Pampering. Stress and negative body image go hand-in-hand. We tend to be less patient and accepting with ourselves when we’re under stress. The first step in feeling better about yourself is to relax. Whether this means deep cleansing breaths, a few minutes of Mozart, or a nice foot massage, less stress leads to better body image. (Sex is also a great stress reliever. Read more in Skip the Gym, Get In Bed: 7 Health Benefits of Sex.)

Solution No.2: Realism. Everybody knows someone who hates to be photographed because they never like how the pictures turn out. But being fat isn’t like having a zit on your nose. You can’t hide it. What’s more, everyone with working eyes can already see what you look like. So who exactly are you hiding from? Whoever they are, they can already see you. And they’re wondering why you’re trying to disguise curvy hips under a giant T-shirt, or hide a double chin behind a carefully placed thumb-and forefinger.

Problem: Nudity

Aside from all the puritanical attitudes people have about nudity in general, fatties have an even bigger problem. They’ve been told that no one wants to see them naked. If you grew up believing that everyone thinks fat is ugly, taking your clothes off in front of another person is not so much sexy as it is heart-stoppingly terrifying.
Solution: Befriend your body. If you don’t already do this, spend some alone time walking around your home naked. Do the things you’d normally do. Make some tea, read, fold laundry or just take a nap. Take a few minutes to really look at yourself in a full-length mirror and marvel at just how amazing your body is. Being naked with yourself will help you be more comfortable being naked with a friend. Befriending your body also means being honest about what it looks like. Fat women in particular are more likely to engage in fat-denying gymnastics during sex. They keep their arms tight at their sides or twist their backs like a pretzel doing yoga, all in the hope that they’ll look a little slimmer, their stomachs a little flatter. Your partner can see you, and he totally wants to have sex with you. Accepting that upfront makes it easier to relax and have fun.

Problem: Shyness

There are different types of shyness. The shyness I refer to here has to do with not speaking up about your needs, fears, likes and dislikes, or generally being too nervous to discuss things openly with your partner. This type of shyness doesn’t just lead to bad sex; it can be crippling to the whole relationship. While shyness can seem daunting, it can also be overcome.
Solution: Talk it out. Many of us have been taught that it’s romantic for our partner to magically understand our needs without being told. Unless you’re dating a wizard, that’s probably not possible. You don’t have to wait until you’re in the throes of passion to discuss sex. In fact, many couples find it less awkward to talk specifics at non-sexy times, while doing the dishes or relaxing in front of the TV, for example. The timing is less important than the openness. If your fear of crushing your partner (not a realistic worry, say the experts) makes you not want to avoid being on top, say so. If you burst into uncontrollable giggles at the sight of a glow-in-the-dark condom, say that too. Levity is great for diffusing awkwardness. (Get some tips on how to communicate better in Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex.)

Focusing on fat can leave fatties feeling so ugly that we develop our own confirmation bias. But come one. Plenty of other things that come in all shapes, sizes and colors are called beautiful every day. Is a sunflower less beautiful than a peony because it’s so much bigger? Of course not. Why should it be any different with human beings? It shouldn’t, especially when you consider that the most powerful sex organ in humans is the brain. That means that spectacular sex – at any size – is really all about putting mind over body mass. (For more great info, check out “Big, Big Love: A Sex and Relationship Guide for People of Size.”)

Complete Article HERE!

Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun

Whips, chains and blindfolds – oh my! Oh yes!

By Stephanie Weaver

bondage

Whether you’re a woman or a guy, by now you’ve probably read – or at least heard of – the “Fifty Shades of Grey” phenomenon. The fastest-selling trilogy of all time depicts the S&M relationship between virginal Anastasia Steele and young business mogul Christian Grey.

What exactly made these books so appealing to women of all ages? The idea of allowing a man to tie you up and make you submit to all of his sexual desires seems to go against everything feminism and Gloria Steinem ever taught us. But despite the scary descriptions you’ve heard about bondage in the bedroom, a little kink can bring you and your partner endless pleasure and joy between the sheets. Whether you just want to tie each other up, smack one another around, or go all out with nipple clamps and anal beads, bondage can be your new BFF in bed. (Read any dirty books lately? Find out why you should in Beyond “Fifty Shades:” How Erotica Can Improve Your Sex Life.)

Why S&M?

Just looking at those two words – sadism and masochism- put side by side is enough to turn anybody off of S&M. You’re probably conjuring up mental images of a fat guy called The Gimp tugging on his leash as he eye-fucks Bruce Willis in “Pulp Fiction”.

But S&M can work for normal, run-of-the-mill folks as well … unless you’ve been living in a crate underneath a pawnshop. That was probably The Gimp’s problem.

S&M can bring out a playful side of you and your partner that you’ve never witnessed. Plus, S&M and bondage is founded on mutual trust and communication, which can bring you and your partner closer together than ever before.

Bondage & S&M for Beginners – What You Need to Knowbondge_arms

An estimated one in five couples dabbles in S&M and one in 20 engages in extremely serious role play. In other words, bondage is more common than you might think. Before you go bending your partner over a couch, let us give you a brief Bondage 101.

The most important thing to discuss before you invite S&M and bondage into the bedroom is boundaries. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to how far you’re willing to explore the darker side of sex. If you want to tie your partner up but he or she only wants to experiment with a tickler, it’s not going to work. As we said before, S&M is all about communication. It’s absolutely necessary for both of you to trust and respect one another’s boundaries. Before you get it on, sit down and have a serious discussion about what you want to get out of S&M and how far you both want to go with it.

It’s also important to have a safety word in the bedroom. This ensures that if things get too hot and heavy for one of you to handle, you can just say the safety word and take a breather. This word should have nothing to do with sex. “Turnip” should do it.

Toys, Tips and Tricks

So now that you’re ready to explore a bit of S&M and bondage in the bedroom, you need to load up on fun and kinky toys. If you’re new to all of this, start light and skip the face masks, bull whips and vaginal balls.

Start off with furry handcuffs or rope, a blindfold and a tickler or small crop. You can usually get a set with all of these included. Beginning with lighter, playful toys enables you and your partner to accustom yourselves to them in the bedroom and then move on to more serious gadgets if you so choose.

On the first couple of nights, just experiment with tying each other up and finding your individual comfort levels. Pay attention to if you like being tied up or doing the dominating. And be sure to communicate everything you are feeling and thinking.

Bondage Moves Not for the Faint of Heart

The more you and your partner explore S&M and bondage, the more you’ll be willing to test your boundaries. For those of you who want to push the limits, there are plenty of bold moves that S&M and bondage offers.

Ball gags are a fun way of keeping your partner silent. If you use one, be sure to come up with a hand gesture or signal that implies you want out – you won’t be able to utter your safeword after all.

You can also get clothes pins to lightly clamp onto different body parts. Mixing pain and pleasure is definitely erotic and will make for an intense and explosive orgasm.Adding a bit of role play to the antics is also a great idea. Try having a dominant and submissive character, such as a teacher and student or doctor and patient.

Bondage Bringing You Closer

Not a lot of people would think that spanking and hog tying your hubby would strengthen your relationship, but it really can.

Women especially are afraid that allowing a partner to tie them up and dominate them in the bedroom will play out in the rest of their relationship, but this is not true at all. S&M is strictly reserved for the bedroom, and men who want to have control over their girlfriends in real life have power issues that should be addressed by a counselor.

If done right, S&M and bondage will increase the trust and faith you have in one another and open doors you never thought existed, including one to greater sexual pleasure. (Did the sex play in “Fifty Shades” pique your interest – and your curiosity? Read 9 “Fifty Shades” Questions You Were Too Afraid to Ask.)

Complete Article HERE!