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Come As You Are

Name: Valeri
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Dubuque IA
Dr Dick: I just went through a very painful divorce. My husband of 18 years up and decided that he wanted to start over…in a new job, in a new state with a new girlfriend, someone 12 years his junior. I must be completely blind, because I didn’t see any of this coming. Sure we had our problems, what marriage doesn’t? I want to move on too, but I feel so stuck. I feel like this big loser. The few tentative forays into dating have been horrible. Every guy I meet is this lying sack of shit. Sorry, does that sound too bitter? HELP!

Damn girl, that’s fucked…big time! It’s hell when relationships go belly-up, and I don’t care if they are business relationships or relationships of the heart. If there’s an established bond of trust that is broken it’s gonna smart. And when the bond is broken unilaterally, it’s even worse. But what can you expect when you’re dealing with humans.

Surviving a break-up is not unlike surviving a death. In fact, the demise of a relationship is very much a death in every sense of the word. I believe that any relationship worth talking about has a life of its own; you see, it’s greater then the sum of its parts. I gotta tell ya, I see a lot of this in my private practice. A couple drags in their relationship and it’s immediately apparent that it’s on life support. They’ve actively throttled the relationship to within an inch of its life, and they want me to fix it. Most of the time the option to “fix” has long passed. All we can hope to do, at this point, is preside over the death of the thing, providing its passing with as much dignity as possible. But to tell the truth, when a relationship is in such grave condition, and there is very little good will left between the partners, sadly there’s not gonna be a lot of dignity when the thing finally expires. It breaks my heart, but what are ya gonna do?

Many years ago a therapist working with sick and dying people wrote a book called, On Death and Dying. In it the author, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, identified five stages of dying — 1. Denial: The initial stage: “It can’t be happening.” 2. Anger: “Why ME? This is so unfair!” 3. Bargaining: “Just let me live to see my son graduate.” 4. Depression: “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?” 5. Acceptance: “It’s going to be OK.”

I find it helpful to use these same identifiable stages to talk about the end of a relationship, particularly a relationship that ends unilaterally. If you don’t mind I’d like to walk through these stages with you so that you can see how applicable they are to someone in your situation.

Grieving the death of a loved one, or a relationship, involves the whole of us — our physical, emotional and social selves. We have to relearn, or cognitively adjust to, our new self without the loved one or relationship. Moving through the end of things is hard to work. And to survive it; we need be patient with ourselves. You, on the other hand, seem to be having a particular problem with this since you say you feel like a loser. That kind of mindset is not going be particularly helpful. So, if you can please jettison that kind of thinking. Or at least try to have a bit more compassion for yourself. Maybe you could shelf that self-deprecation for a while, until you get your bearings once again.

A person is faced with a fact that is too painful to accept and so she rejects it instead, insisting that it can’t possibly be true despite overwhelming evidence. This is Stage 1 — Denial! “Honey, I’m moving out. I’m getting a new job in a new state. Oh, and I have this new, much younger girlfriend too.” “This can’t be happening! Sure we’ve had our troubles, I’ll grant you that. But so does every relationship.” Denying the reality of the unpleasant fact may actually serve a purpose. It’s a coping mechanism for dealing with something overwhelming and too shocking to take in at once.

We have a gut-wrenching emotional response to the injustice, humiliation, and betrayal. This is Stage 2 — Anger. Depending on the kind of person we are, we may actively express our anger by lashing out verbally or physically. Or we may passively express our anger — turning it inward becoming silent, sulking or passive-aggressive. We may even consider harming our self as a way of punishing the other.

We try to fix what’s wrong. This is Stage 3 — Bargaining. “We can make this work! I’ll change, I promise! I know I can make you happy. Stay for the sake of the kids. What will the neighbors say? This will kill your mother! What does she have that I don’t have? You’ll never be able to show your face in this town again.” Hmmm, does any of this sound familiar, Valeri?

All our efforts to reverse the inevitable course of things leave us emotionally drained and exhausted. This is Stage 4 — Depression. Why bother with anything — family, friends, work, personal appearances, whatever — life as we knew it is over. We can’t seem to project ourselves beyond the ending of things. In the bleakness we often begin to self-medicate. A little too much food, booze, drugs? As if depression is not punishing enough, we often pile it on. I’ve heard some many people say; “hurting myself is the only thing that makes me feel I’m still alive.”

Slowly we begin to regroup. Maybe it’s through sheer willpower, or the interventions of friends and family, or maybe it’s just time itself. But we stop resisting and move toward acquiescence. This is Stage 5 — Acceptance. We stop resisting what we cannot change. Even if the end was un-chosen, undesired and inescapable, we can still willingly choose to accept it.

I hasten to add that these stages are guidelines. They are not presented in the order that they always happen. Nor is one stage predicated on the other. How long a person is in one stage or another is situational. However, I do hope this was helpful. What is certain is you will experience a wide range of feelings and emotions.

Some suggest the therapy of keeping yourself busy as a means of healing and moving on. This may sound elemental, but it’s not as easy as it seems. Most of us tend to wallow in our misery. We are way too indulgent with sitting on the pitty-pot. While you definitely need time to recover from the divorce, this period of heartache will have an end. And ends of things always led to beginnings of other things.

You now have certain freedoms that you may not have had while you were married. Once the initial period of grieving is over, it is important to jump back into life. Become more involved in your social group. Going out might seem unappealing at first, but it’s better than staying home and feeling sorry for yourself. If you’re only dating assholes, I’ll bet you’re fishing in the wrong holes, so to speak. The internet makes it so much easier to connect with quality people of ever stripe. Use this tool wisely. May I suggest that you start by connecting with people with similar interests as you, rather than posting a profile and photos on a dating site.

Of course, it is necessary to have some time with yourself to realize that you can survive and even be happy without your dick of a husband. The secret to successful grieving is that you need to feel the pain in order to get through it. Therefore, using drugs (prescription or recreational) and alcohol to numb yourself only make things worse.

You might consider working with a therapist to help you understand why your relationship ended. With a little luck you’ll learn how to avoid blaming yourself for the demise. No one is without fault, and your husband definitely has more than his share. But blaming him for everything will do you no good. You are neither totally to blame, nor are you the helpless victim. Lingering at either extreme will rob you of your self-esteem.

At first, being single might seem weird or even unappealing. But being single has its perks. Being single allows you to focus on you and take better care of yourself. And what better way to do that then by reconnecting with your sexual-self. Masturbation is gonna be your best friend during this transition period. Lavish time and pleasure on yourself. You’re worth it! Indulge yourself; instead of chocolate, get yourself a supped up vibrator and kick that thing into first gear, maybe even second! By spending more private sexual time with yourself, you’ll reconnect with who you are and what you want. This will make it easier for you to later choose a partner who can and will satisfy your needs.

Good luck

Give it to me straight!

Name: Darren
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Location: Long Beach
I’m a 24-year-old straight male. On my second tour of duty in Iraq, I took some shrapnel in my back on account of an IED. I’ve been in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the waist down, ever since. I come from a very strict religious family so I never was sexually active before the marines. Now I’m back at home, and while my parents are great caregivers, I can’t talk to them about this. I’m afraid that I won’t ever get to have sex, but I want to. What should I do?

Tough break, pup! As if the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan weren’t bad enough, there is all this collateral damage to our brave and valiant service people. Damn. If we, your countrymen, don’t owe ya’ll every possible assistance, accommodation and convenience I don’t know what!

I’ll admit, your family’s religious scruples, coupled with your spinal cord injury, makes for a pretty daunting double whammy. So let’s start with some basics. Lots of people automatically think that a person in a wheelchair can’t have or is uninterested in sex. Your parents probably think this. They probably also believe that sex is only for married people and since you aren’t married and you’re in a chair, there’s no good reason to discuss the matter further. I encourage you not to sink to the lowest common denominator on this.

I suspect that since you still have a healthy interest in sex, and you want to get laid at some point…hopefully real soon. All we have to do is figure out a clever work-around to your current living situation. To that end, I have some questions for you. Are you afforded any private time and space in your parent’s home? Are you are getting some physical therapy at the veteran’s hospital or elsewhere? Are you in a spinal injury support group? Do you have any social outlets, other than the medical related ones? Do you still have some jar-head buddies who could swing by and pick you up and take you out?

The reason I ask all these questions is that, despite your disability, you’re gonna have to forge your own independent life away from, and out of the control of your parents — good people though they are. Many care-providers, despite their best intentions, have a tendency to smother the people they are caring for. Don’t let this happen to you. The only way you will find the fuck you are looking for is if you assert your independence. This move toward independence may have to happen incrementally, but you gotta get started.

Clearly you have access to the interents, or you wouldn’t have been able to contact to me. That’s a good start. The internet tubes is gonna be your best friend for the duration, count on it. Connect with other similarly challenged vets and civilians online. These folks will be a wealth of information for you about how to take the next steps — pardon the pun — toward independent living. If you’re not plugged into an ongoing spinal injury support group, make that happen ASAP. Like I said, these folks will have information and resources that the professionals who attend you do not have, or will not share. If there are any wheelchair fetishists out there, your support group will know about them. And I think you can be pretty certain that there are. You are following me on this, right Darren? Good!

Now, this is where your jar-head buddies will come in handy. Prevail upon them to be your transportation. Parents are good for getting you to and from the hospital and the like, but you don’t want to count on them to get you to a tryst or date, don’t cha know. One thing for certain, when connecting with chicks online or elsewhere you need to be pretty upfront about what you want and need. Remember, you have to compensate for people’s preconceived ideas about sex and disability.

I’ll grant you, this is a fine line to tread — again no pun intended — because you have to be upfront about your desires, but ya gotta do it without being a dickhead about it. You are also at a disadvantage for not having had the opportunity of hone your dating and seduction skills before Iraq. So you’re gonna have to do some remedial work now. In social situations — and you ought to be goin out to places other than hospitals and support groups — project yourself as a sexual being. Put out a sexual vibe. Not all geeky and weird, but as a matter of self-confidence, you’re a marine vet for Christ sake. That should be swagger and bragging rights enough.

And don’t forget, you know something that others may not know. You’re gonna be a freakin’ terror in the sheets, because you gonna be making up for a whole lot of lost time. Make eye contact and smile, be your charming devilish self. Whatever you do, don’t gawk at her tits. They may be pretty as all get out, and the object of your eternal desire, but please, keep a lid on it!

If you are unsure about your skills as a lover or you just need a little tutorial on how to please a woman, my I suggest you connect with a pro — ya know a sex worker. That’s right, it’s a time-honored way for guys in the service to lose their cherry. And you’re still sorta like in the service, right? Nowadays, connecting with just the right provider has never been easier, thanks again to the internets. See, I told you that the internet tubes was gonna be your best friend for the duration. Seriously, I suspect that you have lots to learn about the ins and outs of sex, — my final pun, i promise — so why not see a specialist?

One thing for sure, if you are having a difficult time carving out private time there in your parent’s home, or they are the snooping kind, keep your internet searches on a friend’s computer. You don’t want your parents finding out that you are indeed a sexual being looking to get his freak on. At least you don’t want them to find out till after you’ve established your independence. Because if they pull the plug on your internets before you’re on your own, because they think you are a big fat pervert sexual sinner, you’re gonna be shit out of luck, if ya catch my drift.

Good luck

Name: Mikhall
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: U of M
I’ve been having wet dreams since I was 13. I thought I would get over this by now, but it’s still happening. I’m in college now and I don’t want my roommate to think I’m some kind of freak. Is there anyway to make this stop?

I remember when I was a kid, I couldn’t have been more that 6 or 7, I overheard my older brother telling his friend he had had a wet dream. I couldn’t wrap my head around what he was saying. He was boasting, of course, and it had something to do with sex, that I knew for sure. But why was he so proud of wetting his bed? I was way to self-conscious to ask him about it, so I let my mind just spin out all these fantastic scenarios and boy, were they fantastic. My brother was really cool, so I was hoped I would have a wet dream one day too, but I was also dreading it all the same. Information about sex, when it comes in dribs and drabs like this, can really be confusing.

I finally had my first wet dream a few years later and I was surprised as hell to wake up with sticky wet sheets and PJs. Interestingly enough, I didn’t make the connection between what had just happened to me and what my brother had been talking about a couple of years earlier. So ok, I wasn’t all that swift when I was a kid. But just look at me now!

As I look back, I can’t honestly tell you how I figured the whole thing out. I did, however, discover that wet dreams had a more ominous technical name: a nocturnal emission. That was scary in and of itself.

So ok, here’s what we know about wet dreams. And you can bank in this info. When a guy begins puberty, somewhere between the ages of 9 and 13, he starts to produce sperm. Once that happens he’s able to ejaculate, even though he may not have discovered this on his own, ya know like through jerkin’ off. It is at this point that most guys experience their first wet dreams. While asleep our little boy cock rubs against the mattress or sheets, or we may unconsciously fondle ourselves till we squirt. Since this often happens while dreaming, or because of a dream with sexual overtones, a nocturnal emission is also call a sex dream, or the ever popular dirty dream.

Here’s something you might not know. Technically there is a difference between a nocturnal orgasm (which anyone can have at any age, even as and infant) and a nocturnal emission (which only males have and only after he reaches puberty).

I know you’re a bit exasperated, Mikhall, with the continuation of these pesky wet dreams, but it’s all quite normal and I might add, healthy. You clearly have a very active spooge production system. You’re body is producing an over abundance of spunk, more than you need. And it has to get rid of the excess somehow. Believe me, you really wouldn’t want it stay in your system; it wouldn’t be healthy. Embarrassment aside, you can be grateful that your bod is working properly and in harmony with nature.

Do you recall your first wet dream? Most guys tell me that they thought they had injured themselves, or they somehow got a sex disease. Too bad our parents don’t prepare us for this eventful night. Many kids are so filled with fear and embarrassment that they try to destroy the evidence — getting rid of the sheets, underwear or pajamas. Another confusing aspect of a kid’s first wet dream is the pleasure and arousal he feels. Those of us brought up in religious homes are often filled with shame by this disturbing occurrence.

Those of you who are familiar with Dr Dick’s background know that I was a Catholic priest for many years. I know, scary, huh? I don’t want to go off topic here and discuss my life as a priest now — we can save that for another time. What I want to point out here is that when I was in the saddle, so to speak, I often had the occasion to hear the confessions of young people. It was remarkable how often young men would confess to a wet dream, like if they had committed some heinous crime! What gives with a culture that instills such shame about things that are so natural and outside of our control?

Think of it this way, when your bladder gets full you take a wiz. When your prostate and seminal vesicles get full you take a jizz. It’s as simple and natural as all that. Now, if I were to guess, Mikhall, I’d speculate that, for whatever reason, you’re not masturbating all that much. Right? The reason I think that is, if you were relieving yourself of your joy juice, ya know like beatin’ off, you’d have less of a build up and fewer wet dreams, if any. Do you see where I’m headed with this? The same thing would be true if you didn’t relieve yourself when your bladder got full, you’d piss anyhow, only it would happen when you weren’t able to properly direct it. Get it? Got it? Good!

If you want to cut down on those embarrassing wet dreams, milk yourself before you sleep. This way you can direct your spooge into a proper receptacle, like a Kleenex or a dirty sock — just like all your peers.

I also want to remind you of the current research being done about masturbation. Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 men who had not, about their sexual habits. They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop prostate cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20’s. Get this, men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

Good luck!

Lovin’ It!

Product Review Friday is back again and we have an interesting group of products from our friends at SexToy.com.

Dr Dick Review Crew members — Gina & Kevin and Karen do the honors. So let’s get right to it.

Ultra Harness 2000 For Men —— $80.51

Gina & Kevin
Kevin: “We have the hot set up for you! This here is the Ultra Harness 2000 For Men. And I haven’t had so much fun in ages. I know you’ve all heard about strap-ons for women, right? Well this is a strap-on for men. I kid you not!”
Gina: “So you’re probably wondering, why would a guy need a strap-on when he already has his ‘tool’ dangling between his legs. Ever hear of erectile dysfunction? Or say a guy wants to please his partner with a little, or a lot more than what nature gave him. Or say there’s some hot double penetration play in the offing, but only one partner.”
Kevin: “There ya go; took the words right out of my mouth. Actually the Ultra Harness 2000 For Men is a kit. It comes with the three-way fully adjustable all leather harness, which expands up to 44 inches in the waist; a realistic looking 7”x1.75” dildo; and an adjustable or detachable butt plug. They thought of everything.”
Gina: “Although this thing is designed for a man, and they have a version for women, I was able to wear the Ultra Harness 2000 too. But I think it would be cool to get the harness designed for women and decide which I liked best.”
Kevin: “The Ultra Harness 2000 come with the patented Vac-U-Lock technology that uses a plastic plug to attach the dong to the harness. It’s brilliant, really! Plus you can buy an array of attachments and accessories.”
Gina: “Speaking of attachments; we will also be reviewing, the Kong Realistic attachment today too.”
Kevin: “I’m like totally game for new experiences and so even though I don’t have ED, and my cock is a generous size, and Gina is not into double penetration; I strapped on the Ultra Harness 2000 with the dildo that came in the package. You see the harness has a hole in it that you put your own cock and balls through and snap it closed. Then I adjusted the very hefty butt plug and sank it in my ass. This took more time than I expected, because it is considerably bigger than I am used to.”
Gina: “Once he had the whole thing arranged he called me in the room. There he stood with two raging hardons, one of which was dripping precum like crazy. It was a site to behold.”
Kevin: “You can blame the butt plug for all the precum. I was filled to the hilt, so to speak.”
Gina: “We slipped a condom on the dong and Kevin had a ball fucking me with both of his cocks. It was a riot! You should know that I won’t insert a dildo made of this soft material inside me. It’s fun to look at and play with, but I won’t insert it without a condom.”
Kevin: “A condom is a must for any dildo made of this kind of realistic feel material, because this stuff is very porous and it can’t be sterilized. And if it can’t be sterilized, it can’t be shared. Oh, and you can only use a water-based lube with this thing.”
Gina: “You should also prepare yourself for the odor that emanates from the box when first opened. It’s a sickly sweet smell that is pretty overpowering. This was another reason that I didn’t want that dong in my box. I insisted that Kevin air the thing out in the garage for a couple of days till the smell dissipated. The off gas tells me the materials used in this toy are probably toxic to some degree. I would also guess that they contain phthalates, PVC and possibly latex. So be warned!”
Full Review HERE

Vac-U-Lock Kong Realistic —— $39.03

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “Hello again. This review is basically a continuation of the Ultra Harness 2000 review we just posted. We decided to review these products together because, well they belong together.”
Kevin: “In the Ultra Harness 2000 review we mentioned that there are a number of different attachments and accessories that you can buy for your harness. Well, the Vac-U-Lock Kong Realistic is one such attachment.”
Gina: “This is one gigantic dong, folks! It’s actually scary in its realistic appearance. It even has faux pubic hair. I know, WTF? And this isn’t even the biggest model they make, but I digress.”
Kevin: “Gina’s right; when I pulled this thing out of the box, I went ‘DAMN!’ It’s made of a soft, lifelike material that makes the Kong Realistic look so realistic. But as we learned in the previous review; that comes at a price. The off gas that you smell when you first open the box tells us the materials used in this toy are toxic to some degree. We also suspect that they contain phthalates, PVC and possibly latex. This is not necessarily a problem, just so long as you don’t use the thing internally without a condom.”
Gina: “That’s right; use a condom when you play with this thing. Not just for health concerns, but for clean up too. The Kong Realistic is made of a very porous material and it can’t be sterilized. And if it can’t be sterilized, it can’t be shared. And you can only use a water-based lube with it.”
Kevin: “So ok, this time around Gina used the harness. The Ultra Harness 2000 we have is designed for a man but she says it fits her too. Attaching the Kong Realistic is easy with the patented Vac-U-Lock technology, which uses a plastic plug to attach the dong to the harness.”
Gina: “The Kong Realistic is so massive I could hardly believe my eyes when I looked at myself in the mirror. No wonder guys with huge dicks think they rule the world.”
Kevin: “I looked at the dong warily too. This would be the biggest thing I’ve had in my ass to date. Would I even be able to do it? I warmed up my ass with a decent sized plug. And when I thought I was ready, I gave Gina the green light. She slipped on a condom and looked at me with an evil gaze.”
Gina: “Ok, are you gonna tell them, or am I?”
Full Review HERE

Silicone Taffy Tickler Water G —— $25.19

Karen
I took the Silicone Taffy Tickler Water G from its packaging hoping against hope that the prickly surface of the toy would be soft and pliable. But my hopes were soon dashed. I wondered to myself; who designed this thing, the Marquis de Sade? And if the Taffy Tickler is really made of silicone as the package says, I’ll eat my hat. It doesn’t feel or smell like any of the other quality silicone toys I own.

The Taffy Tickler is designed as a G-spot vibe, as the curved tip suggests. My only question is who has a tough enough pussy to withstand the insertion of something akin to a scrub brush. I certainly don’t! Not that I didn’t try. Like the good little reviewer that I am, I did try. First I used it externally. Despite being very sensitive in my genital area, I did find that if I lightly dragged the Taffy Tickler over my pussy lips and above my clit, the sensations were pleasurable. Next, while sitting up, I just laid the Taffy Tickler with the vibration on high (it has one of those rheostat sort of controllers) between my legs and against my pussy. This was a very interesting sensation too. It sent shivers down my spine.

But insertion was impossible for me and I like girthy toys! Even with the loads of water-based lube that I used on it; it didn’t smooth the way. The lube just got lost in the crevices and I couldn’t even get the tip fully inserted. This has got to be the biggest disaster of my Dr Dick Review Crew career.
Full Review HERE

ENJOY!

WET and Wonderful

Hey sex fans!

Today’s Product Review Friday brings you the balance of our reviews of the WET products we received earlier in the year.  As you recall, we reviewed a whole bunch of their products back in May. You can see the Dr Dick Review Crew comments HERE!

I’m delighted to have the honor of introducing you to the remaining three WET products, two of which are not personal lubes.  I love it that they are branching out.

WET Gellee —— $8.74

Dr Dick
Water-based personal lubes are notorious for drying out too quickly, at least as they compare to silicone-based lubes. And when a lube dries out during use, it tend to become sticky. I hate when that happens! Problem is if you’re using a condom and/or playing with a fine silicone toy; ya can’t use a silicone-based lube.

Water-based personal lubes are also less viscous then their silicone-based cousins. Less viscosity means the lube will be runny and less likely to stay in place. This can be frustrating, messy and wasteful.

But wait! Our friends at WET have come up with a very nice solution to these nagging problems. They call their product — WET Gellee. This is a new product for WET. They’ve successfully made a hypoallergenic gel-type water-based lube that is silky smooth; more long-lasting; doesn’t get sticky; way more viscous than the traditional runny liquid formula so it stays put longer; and there’s less of a mess when using it. WET Gellee isn’t as likely to drip all over your bedding, furniture, carpet or car upholstery. Wait, car upholstery? Come on; let’s face it, not all fucking happens in the bedroom. And WET Gellee is non-staining, which makes it perfect for all those non-traditional sex situations…the dining room table, pool side, Aunt Millie’s powder room?

I was happy to receive the non-scented original formula of WET Gellee. They also have a Kiwi Strawberry flavor, which would have been way over the top for me. I prefer my lube to be flavorless, thank you very much. However, there is a hint of sweetness, even with this non-scented original formula. But these formulas are completely sugar-free, which means most people can use them internally without reservation. But, if you are allergic to sucralose, you’ll want to look elsewhere for your lube.
Full Review HERE

Inttimo Tranquility Aromatherapy —— $12.17

Dr Dick
I’ve been an avid practitioner of massage and bodywork for ages. I guess you could say I know my way around a massage table. However, finding just the right massage oil or lotion is not nearly as easy as kneading out the knots in someone’s body.

I’ve tried dozens and dozens of different products over the years and while I’m particularly fond of the Vitamin E and Aloe Vera-based massage lotion that I whip up in my own kitchen, I am always on the lookout for an exceptionally fine massage oil as a compliment to the lotion I use.

I am happy to announce that, thanks to my friends at WET, I now have what I’ve been searching for — Inttimo Tranquility Aromatherapy.  It is the ideal massage oil to use along side of my special recipe massage lotion. So yay for that!

Inttimo Tranquility is another new product from the masterminds at WET. It’s a very light, pleasantly fragranced massage oil that can also be used as a bath oil. I am so glad to see them branch out from their more familiar line of personal lubricants.

Inttimo Tranquility is long-lasting, but never greasy. It has a nice, but not overpowering scent. This one contains bergamot and ginger; aromas to balance, instill composure and relax the body. But there are three other aromas to choose from. And a little goes a long way. It feels beautifully on my hands and on my client’s skin.

It comes in a nicely shaped plastic bottle. I got the 4oz size for review, but it also comes in an 8oz size. Despite the attractive bottle I wound up transferring the contents to an empty pump bottle I had on hand. The screw top of the original container is not convenient. It’s a bother to have to open and close it with each application, but you’d be foolish not to. The bottle could easily tip and spill and that would make a huge mess. If I had one suggestion to make to the manufacturer it would be consider adding a pump to the packaging.

Again, I loved the consistency of Inttimo Tranquility; not too thin, not so thick, it’s just right. It distributes on the body very evenly and it easily absorbs into the skin. There’s no residue to stain either my massage linens or my client’s clothing.

Inttimo Tranquility contains almond oil, aloe vera juice, vitamin E and A, hemp seed oil, avocado oil, kukul nut oil, and sunflower oil. It’s very good for your skin. It’s great for erotic massage too. But it’s not recommended for use with a condom.
Full Review HERE

Inttimo Shave Cream —— $9.99

Dr Dick
I have the pleasure of introducing you to my new product of choice in the shaving department. Say hello to Inttimo Shave Cream, another innovative product from the good folks at WET. I mean it just figures that a company known for their premium personal lubes would bring to market a superior shaving cream. All I gotta say is; what took you so long?

If you’re prone to razor burn, ingrown hairs and/or shaving bumps Inttimo Shave Cream is the ideal product for you. Now I know that WET created this formula to enhance and safeguard intimate shaves, like bikini shaves, legs, underarms and manscaping, but is it’s as practical, if not more so, for every day facial shaving.

It’s enhanced with aloe vera, vitamin E and jojoba oil; it doesn’t contain parabens, but there is glycerin. I have pretty sensitive skin, but I didn’t experience any irritation when using Inttimo Shave Cream and my skin fells fantastic after each use. A small amount covers a large area and coats the skin nicely. I really like it because it’s not dense like shaving foam. This is a good thing because my razor just glides along, it didn’t clog my razor and it rinses off my razor easily.

I’m happy I got the unscented formula for review, but for those who want/need some fragrance they also have a Forbidden Fruit formula. (I wonder, what fruit is forbidden these days?)

I really like the plastic squeeze tube container. It has a flip-up top that is very convenient and you don’t have to worry about rust stains that so frequently accompany traditional metal shaving cream cans.
Full Review HERE

ENJOY

Who’s up next?

Name: Sofia
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Arizona
You are sick Dr DICK! I believe that porn is a sign of weakness in men and women. They cannot control their need and put their personal relationship in harm. Its degrading towards women and it gives off the wrong message to men about women. Porn is very harmful in peoples daily lives. Relationships come to an end because of men’s porn addiction. Men have lost families, wives, girlfriends etc. because of porn. Men find themselves defending it so much that they end up losing the people in their lives who do not agree with it (wives, GF, BF, etc.) What does porn leave them? Nothing! Lonely nights with no one by their side and a PC full of nasty images. Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic. Men are destroying their lives to make a porn filmmaker more wealthy. What a great exchange.

So nice of you to drop by, Sofia, and thank you for being so solicitous about my health. Yes, I was sick, I had a little cold there for a couple of days, but I’m much better now.

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m sick because I don’t share your repressive opinion about pornography. I get it; you’re another moral crusader who needs to denigrate those who don’t share your beliefs. What is up with that?

Ya know the thing is, darlin’, I actually share many of your concerns — a lot of porn is harmful and exploitative. It also can be very disruptive to people’s lives and can cause serious damage to otherwise healthy relationships. I mean how difficult was it for you to come up with that critique? Taking pot shots at porn in this sex-negative culture is like shooting fish in a barrel. Get over yourself, girlfriend.

And ya know what else, ma’am, all the things you accuse porn of — being harmful and exploitative, disruptive, damaging to otherwise healthy relationships — you could say about the worst aspects of organized religion, the fast food industry, our government, the credit card industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the medical industry, the war machine and it’s horrific profiteers, like Halliburton. And what about BP and the damage it is wreaking families, an entire way of life and on a whole ecosystem in the Golf of Mexico? The list goes on and on.

Hell, everything humans touch has the potential for becoming harmful and exploitative; it’s the nature of the beast. Even your own tirade is harmful to and disruptive to those of us who are trying to make a difference in the adult entertainment industry. Trust me, you would have made a better case if you said you wanted to help change the status quo in porn, not just point out its inherent flaws.

And what’s all this; “Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic”? Are you suggesting that you are the alternative? Perhaps, if you weren’t so bitchy and condescending your men wouldn’t turn to porn. Your abrasive personality and moral rectitude would drive the pope to porn.

Oh, and have a nice day! NEXT!

Name: Suzanne
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Auckland
Should a woman fake an orgasm to keep her partner happy?

Brilliant idea, Susanne! Rather than help your ineffectual lover overcome his inadequacy with the truth and a little tutorial on how to make you cum — lie to monkey about his sexual prowess.

I see nothing wrong with that! Other than when you’re done fuckin’ him, or he’s done fuckin’ you, the next unlucky woman he happens upon will have twice the work. She’ll not only have to tell him the truth — that he sucks as a lover — but she’ll also have to contend with his inflated ego. Thanks to you and the deception you practice, he’ll be convinced that he’s a fabulous lover when, of course, he’s a Neanderthal.

What could be wrong with that, Susanne? D’oh!

Name: Emily
Gender:
Age: 28
Location: Texas
How much should I tell my new partner about my sex life with my exes?

How about just enough to get his dick hard?

Hell, I don’t know! Some guys get off on hearing all the gory details of the sexual exploits of their partners, albeit, it’s a relatively small number of guys. Just keep in mind that most men prefer the bliss that is ignorance.

If you’ve been around the block a time…or six, maybe you best keep that to yourself till you find out how much the new guy can stomach.

Good Luck

Name: Phillip
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Austin, Texas
Dr. D, I’ve never had a problem with my sex life up until now. My wife and I have been very happy with our physical relationship. But, about 8 months ago, in a very vivid nightmare, I dreamed we were making love and when I came, the ejaculate was blood. I came blood. Everything in the dream stood still as I watched, almost like a third person, as my life flowed out of me. I woke in a sweat, and we’ve not made love since. We’ve talked about the dream, tried to be intimate, but I’m simply not able to enjoy the contact anymore. This is someone about whom I care deeply and with whom I am deeply in love. Considering professional help but would like your take.

Interesting! Yet another case of how one’s psyche can override one’s eroticism.

This is nothing to be toyed with, Phillip. Like an earthquake, this vivid dream has jarred you out of your happy, healthy sex life with your wife. And like anyone who has survived an earthquake, or a similar natural disaster, you need to put your life back together again as quickly as possible. I encourage you to seek a sex-positive therapist to help you break the spell of this nightmare.

The longer you let this thing hang out there the more perverse it will become.

Good Luck

Name: Lorenzo
Gender:
Age: 33
Location: Italy
I can only get off by squeezing my cock with my thighs. I have done this for as long as I’ve masturbated. I only found out years later that you should use your hand. But this does not work for me. Is this normal or common?

Lorenzo, what you report is neither normal nor common. But do you really care about “normal” and “common” if this technique works for you? And what the fuck is normal anyhow — statistical normalcy? I think we can forget that being the arbiter of things sexual.

Apparently your masturbation technique isn’t any less effective than those who employ a more “common” practice — like using one’s hand.

Basically, there aren’t a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to the style one employs to squeeze one off — and in your case, I mean that literally. If squeezing your cock with your thighs works for you — SWELL, knock yourself out!

Since you don’t report that this method of getting off is getting in the way of your partnered sex, I think you should leave well enough alone and enjoy your uniqueness.

Good Luck

Name: Sam
Gender:
Age: 22
Location: London, UK
Dear Dr. Dick, I am a young gay guy, and when I masturbate I am able to achieve orgasm and ejaculate; but when I am with another guy I do not cum. Don’t get me wrong, I have a great time during sex, but my partner doesn’t get me off. This is not a person-specific thing — this has been happening to me since I was 16.
Call it “delayed ejaculation”, if you will; but it’s more like “non-existent ejaculation”! The weird thing is, I don’t mind myself; the foreplay and sex is totally hot and I’m as happy as a clam with that as it is. But my partners have always been frustrated and disappointed, as if ejaculation is the official mark of success to show the culmination of a great fuck. So they keep trying until they get tired, which I guess is inevitable.
Is this something I should be worried about if I’m otherwise okay with sex? Or should my partner be less concerned about the orgasm and just realize that it doesn’t bother me. Many thanks and kudos for such an informative site.

Hey Sam, thanks for your kind words about the site, they’re much appreciated.

As to the issue you present, it’s not particularly uncommon. Many people are unable to, or choose not to, get off in partnered sex. And there are several very common reasons why. Without going into detail about that, let me just ask one thing. Are you able to masturbate yourself to orgasm when you are with a partner, like you can do when you are alone? If so, maybe you could incorporate that into your sex play your partner.

It’s true what you say about some people thinking a sexual encounter is only “successful” if both partners shoot. That’s nonsense, as both you and I well know. There’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and sexual satisfaction, just like there’s no necessary connection between an ejaculation and an orgasm. If you cave to that way of thinking you won’t help your misguided partners and you will be adding a good deal of performance anxiety to your sex encounters. And nobody wants that! Stick to your guns, Sam!

Good Luck