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Fabulous Four

Because The Dr Dick Review Crew has been inundated with loads of swell adult products to review, we will be presenting several different toys each week till we relieve the backlog.

Despite it not even being Halloween yet, I know from my forays into the land of retail that holiday gift giving is not far from the minds of a lot of people.  Perish the thought!  So expediting our reviews will also give you loads of gift-giving ideas.  And that, my friends, is all I’m gonna say about that till at least the middle of next month when we launch our annual Holiday Gift Giving Guide.

Today we will hear from Review Crew Members: Madora, Joy & Dixie, Brad and Glenn & Hank.  So without further ado…

There’s something brand-spankin new goin on at Fleshlight.   Here’s Brad to tell us all about it.
Sex In A Can: Spread Eagle Brew —— $39.95

The Fleshlight company has been around for a lone time. They make the legendary Fleshlight and Fleshjack. I’m the proud owner of my very own Fleshlight; it is my go-to toy for spankin the monkey. I never get tired of my Fleshlight and I wouldn’t give it up for the world. That’s way I wanted to review their new product: Sex In A Can.large_1759

I am of the mind that foolin’ around with or trying to improve on a great product, an icon even, will sure enough just fuck things up. I just couldn’t see why the Fleshlight people were tempting fate by bring out Sex In A Can. But I promised Dr Dick that I would set aside my preconceived ideas and approach this new product with an open mind.

Damn! I’ll be the first to admit, I was totally off base in thinking the iconic Fleshlight couldn’t be improved upon. Wait, improved is not the word I’m looking for, because Sex In A Can doesn’t really improve on the original design, it just gives the consumer yet another option.

Those of you familiar with Fleshlight will know that every customer can pretty much customize every aspect of the unit he wants to buy. They have several “orifice” options: pussy, mouth, asshole or “neutral”. The plastic case comes in silver, black or clear. The insert comes in different colors, and there are several different internal contours for the insert itself.

Sex In A Can is basically just another option in terms of size and shape. Here’s what I mean. Sex In A Can is shaped like a tallboy beer, instead of the traditional oversized Fleshlight shape. It is lighter, more compact, less expensive, yet it has all the features of its big brothers.

There are three brand new “orifice” options — two different pussies (Mmmm, pussies!) and a mouth. Three new insert contours too. Everything else — including the patented Superskin insert remains the same. The plastic case, the thing that looks like a tallboy beer, has removable caps at both ends, as does the Fleshlight. The top cap covers the head of the insert and keeps it clean when your dick’s not in it. The end cap can also be removed for easy cleaning.

Just like the Fleshlight, ya gotta loosen the end cap a bit before you attempt to stick in your dick. Sex In A Can is a whole lot tighter than my stalwart Fleshlight. In fact, bein the hefty-cock brother I am, it was a very tight squeeze. I had to use a shitload of lube just to get me started. Oh, and by the way, you can only use water-based lube with all the Fleshlight Superskin products. Here’s a tip: you adjust the suction created inside Sex In A Can by either loosening or tightening the base cap.

Clean up is a super-easy. A little soap and water will do the trick. But once the insert is dry, you have to dust it, inside and out, with a little cornstarch, or body powder. This will help keep things as fresh as the day you got it.

My Sex In A Can: Spread Eagle Brew, came with the Pink Spread Lady orifice; (Mmmm, pussies!) mini vortex insert; the cleverly designed beer can case; and sample packet of lube.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Sex furniture?  You betcha!  Glenn & Hank walk you around this offering from the amazing folks at Liberator.
Liberator Ramp —— $200.00

Glenn: “Check this out! This is the best thing that’s happened to butt fuckin since the invention of the sling. The Ramp is just one of Liberator’s many sex furniture shapes that are designed to add more fun and lessen bodily stress for whatever kind of sex you have up your sleeve.”
Hank: “Or down your pant leg, as the case may be. We got us a plus sized Ramp and it is covered in black pleather. But you can choose from a bunch of sizes and fabric options.”

200

Glenn: “Pleather is great, because it cleans up fast. And that’s a big plus because our sessions can get pretty messy.”
Hank: “Ok, so what is the Liberator Ramp exactly and why is even better than a sling, or a swing for that matter? Good questions. The Liberator Ramp is a big triangular shaped, sturdy, comfy and solidly made cushion. Ours is 29” X 35” X 12”. And it can be used in a multitude of ways.”
Glenn: “It’s better than a sling or swing, because it’s portable, storable and you don’t have to suspend it from the ceiling, or set it up every time you want to shag. It does stow easily under the bed. It’s perfect for butt fuckin, because regardless of what position you like the Liberator Ramp is gonna make the sex a whole lot better for the top as well as the bottom.”
Hank: “Glenn likes it doggie style. I just bend him over the Ramp and plow away at his ass. It’s easier on me, because his ass is elevated to just the right position for the ass-ult. I can go as deep as possible, because his pelvis is supported by the Ramp. Oh, and ya can’t really do doggie style in a sling or swing!”
Glenn: “Hank is right! I don’t have to arch my back or strain my arms and wrists pressing back against his manly thrusts. But he can still grab my hair and pull.”
Hank: “You joke, but I know you love it deep and heavy. You’re just a dirty little piggy bottom, aren’t you?”
Glenn: “Oink, oink! I do enjoy a furious ride, that’s for damn sure. Ok, so if you want to do another position, all you do is reposition yourself on the Ramp for a little face-to-face action. Like I lay down on the Ramp, with my head at the lowest part of the incline. I scoot my butt to the highest edge of the incline.”
Hank: “Again, his ass is perfectly positioned for me to fuck him silly. With Glenn already angled down, I can lift and open his legs with ease.”
Glenn: “My toes are pointed to Jesus, and I’m in fuckin’ heaven.”
Hank: “Oh, the Ramp is great for cocksucking too. I just lay back on the Ramp, in the position Glenn just described, which elevates my hips 12” off the floor. Glenn has all the access he needs to my dick, balls and rosebud. He can service me till his heart’s content.”
Glenn: “Again, there no stress or strain on my neck or back while I blow him. And in this position Hank can grab his knees and pull open his own legs. PERFECT!”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Joy & Dixie have the pleasure of introducing you to a new kid on the block, Duncan Charles Designs. They specialize in unique, handcrafted ceramic adult toys.

Signature —— $55.00

Dixie: “Here’s something refreshing, this ceramic textured dildo is handmade! I’m so tired of mass-produced sex toys, aren’t you? Oh to have something unique, something that is crafted not manufactured.”
Joy: “Dixie is so right; I love knowing that no one else on the planet had precisely the same toy as we have. Each Duncan Charles Designs piece is unlike any other. In fact, it’s beautiful art. And it is GREEN!”
Dixie: “Signature has a food grade high-gloss coating that makes it as smooth as glass. But it is also textured, just the way we like it. Despite it being ceramic, there is nothing fussy about this beauty.”
Joy: “However, you will want to treat Signature with loving care, not because it’s fragile, but because it is a fine-looking sculpture.”
Dixie: “Signature comes wrapped in a lovely lined ultrasuede pouch. Ours is jet black, but it also comes in red. It’s just under 8″ long and weighs in at just over 8 ounces.”
Joy: “It has a rounded head on top of its scalloped shaft. The ridges add immeasurable fun. Because of the super high-gloss finish, we only had to use a little bit of lube. And you can use any type of lube you want with this ceramic baby.”

DCD signature black

Dixie: “This dildo is designed for g-spot, clitoral or prostate massage. Unlike most of the other G-spot stimulators that have a curve to them Signature is straight as an arrow. And yet it is just as effective as the curved ones.”
Joy: “I also really like the fact that I can warm and chill the Signature to suit my mood. You can chill it in the refrigerator for a few minutes or warm it by placing it under running hot water.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally, Madora, has something fun from Big Teaze Toys to show you.

Super Flower Power: 2 Piece Bouquet —— $29.99

Home; batteries included (triple A), YES! I love it when that happens. Inside there’s a bonus Flower Power keychain, a mini version of the vibe that looks like a little daisy without the stem, this one even comes with bonus extra batteries (the little watch kind), EXCELLENT!sfp-500px

My first impression is that the vibrating part, the center of the flower, is a little hard for me. At least for direct contact with my “flower”. The center of the flower is hard plastic. But I like the soft petals which spread the vibes out from its petals to yours. It’s like a gentle labia massage, which is cool and rare in a vibrator. These are especially nice if you use a little lube on the petals.

I’m starting to get used to the texture and hardness. I actually like it and like the strength of the vibe when I’m using it through my clothes, the barrier makes it not seem so hard and yet it’s still able to convey strong enough vibes right through to where they’re needed. I was thinking it could be fun for when you want to tease your partner right through her clothes. Did I mention these toys are waterproof?

All in all it definitely did the trick but when I really start to get into it, either with the vibe or the little keychain, the soft petal ring pops right off the vibrator. I either hafta kinda hold it on, or stop and put it back on, if I wanna keep playing with that part. So that’s a bummer.

The keychain has been a godsend. I’m on a trip right now and brought it with me and wasn’t concerned about security seeing it, It just looks like a toy. I ended up having cramps and everyone knows an orgasm is the best thing for cramps so I put it to use, you know, for medicinal purposes.
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

A little dab’ll do ya!

Sex fans, we have a load of lovely lubes to tell you about.  We received five of the hottest selling Boy Butter products to test, and test we did!  In fact, The Dr Dick Review Crew has pert near wore out their parts testing this stuff.  What we won’t do in the name of science.

Review Crew members; Mick & Chuck, Kevin & Gina, Jack & Karen and Carlos walk us around these products.
Boy Butter Warming 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $20.99

Gina & Kevin

Gina: “We’ve both been wanting to try a warming lube, so I’m glad we were chosen for Boy Butter Warming .”
Kevin: “I like the pump container. It’s easy to use and there’s not the mess that often comes with traditional containers.”BBwarming
Gina: “This stuff really works! With just the first application I could feel the warming sensations. At first, I thought it was going to get too intense for me, but it didn’t.”
Kevin: “It’s a coconut-oil based lube so it’s not compatible with latex condoms. That’s not an issue for us, but I did want to mention that in my review. Also, this is the first creamy lube we’ve used. I was impressed with its lasting power.”
Gina: “I must confess; I had my misgivings at first. I have very sensitive skin and I often have adverse reactions to new lubes. I checked the label on Boy Butter Warming and secretly thought to myself, I can’t even pronounce half of the ingredients. This doesn’t bode well for me using it. At least, that’s what I thought. Curiously enough, I experienced no irritation or discomfort. So yeah for that!”
Kevin: “We love our silicone lubes, but they are a bitch to clean up and they stain clothing. This product however, despite containing silicone and being oil-based, cleaned up in a snap. In fact, it cleaned up like a water-based lube.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Boy Butter 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $16.99

Carlos
This is the original formula Boy Butter. It comes in several different packaging options, so you may have seen it in a tub or a squeeze bottle. Personally, I think this E-Z pump is the best. It’s easy to handle, and you can dispense just the right amount of lube you need every time. The plastic top keeps it from accidentally messing up anything else it may come in contact with.BBoriginal

I really like the creamy consistency of Boy Butter. It lasts longer than other oil-based lubes I’ve tried; and I’ve tried plenty. The organic coconut-oil base keeps it slick and silky. I’ve never found a better jack-off lube than Boy Butter. It even outlasts my favorite silicone-based lube.  I’m sold on this product.

Keep in mind; you can’t use Boy Butter with latex condoms.

Clean up is pretty easy too, soap and warm water will do.  It’s so much easier to clean up than my favorite silicone-based lube.

FULL REVIEW HERE

Boy Butter H2O 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $16.99

Jack & Karen

Jack: “Damn, this stuff is great!”BBLh2o
Karen: “This is the first creamy formula water-based lube I’ve eve seen. I didn’t even know you could make such a thing.”
Jack: “We concur with all our fellow reviewers, Boy Butter H2O last long, never gets sticky. We really like the pump container too. Very convenient!”
Karen: “This formula is perfect for use with latex condoms. And because it is water-based, clean up is a breeze. It won’t stain clothing or beading either. And that’s a big plus in my book.”
Jack: “Neither one of us experienced any negative reactions to this lube; no irritation, nothing. And we used it for fucking, not just for jillin’ or jackin’ off.
Karen: “Yeah, I was really surprised by this. I’m always very careful about what I put near, on or in my pussy. But knock on wood, I’ve had no adverse reaction at all.”
Jack: “Kudos for great packaging and branding. It’s fun and smart. Funny, up until we got Boy Butter H2O to review, I had never heard of the company. I wonder, is it a product line that is primarily marketed to gay men?
FULL REVIEW HERE

Boy Butter Extreme 5 oz. E-Z Pump —— $17.99

Boy Butter Extreme Desensitizing H20 Based 5 oz EZ-Pump —— $19.25

Mick & ChuckBBextremeEZ

Mick: “We have a little confession to make. Chuck and I had already used Boy Butter Extreme before we were asked to review it.”
Chuck: “We hadn’t used the H20 Based formula and we really wanted to, so we asked if we could test both products.”
Mick: “Until we tried the H20 Based one, we thought Boy Butter Extreme was the best such product on the market. We’ve tired several other desensitizing products, but we liked Boy Butter Extreme best.”
Chuck: “Sometimes Mick has difficulty relaxing into butt sex. I’m not tooting my own horn here, but I’m hung 8.5”, pretty thick too.”
Mick: “Trust me, it’s a sight to behold. But it’s true; I have a tendency to tighten up when I’m just getting started in a fuck. Boy Butter Extreme helps me over this initial phase allows me to enjoy all that is to come.”
Chuck: “I love the pump container. Both products are long-lasting and remain slick and silky, which makes fucking a joy. I hate it when lubes get sticky!”
Mick: “Both products use the maximum amount of Benzocaine (7.5%) allowed by law. So you know this is industrial strength!”BBextremeH2O
Chuck: “Some people have an adverse reaction to Benzocaine. If you do, these are not the products for you.”
Mick: “I am so happy that Boy Butter make a H20 formula, because Chuck has to use a condom when I use either of these products. And the H20 Based version is condom safe.”
Chuck: “I was just about to mention that. We had an unfortunate experience a while back when we first started using desensitizing lubes and whatnot. I didn’t wear a condom and my dick became desensitized too.”
Mick: “Come to think of it, this wouldn’t be such a bad thing for a guy who has a real short fuse, right? The Benzocaine would probably just the thing to help him last longer.”
Chuck: “Oh, and may I suggest that you use these products sparingly. A little goes a very long way. You certainly don’t want to over use either of these lubes. It will take all the fun out of the fuck for both top and bottom; you’ll not be able to feel a thing.”
Mick: “Exactly, ya simply want to apply a small amount of Boy Butter Extreme (or the H20 Based formula) to your finger, insert it into your ass. Smooth it around till you’ve lightly coated your sphincter. You will notice the numbing effect in a minute or two. Remember, you can always add more if needed, but you can’t eliminate it once it’s been applied. At least, not without soap and water.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me…

Name: John
Gender:  Male
Age: 16
Location: San Diego
My dick is kinda small.  I want to add 3-5 inches.  How do I do that?

Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all.  I keep promising myself that I won’t small_cock1respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions.  And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again.  Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said.  If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic scroll use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right.  Search with key words like “cock shape”, “cock size” and “jelqing”.  Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.

Here’s a bit of an overview of what you’ll find.  First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John.  So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you.  If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece.  Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.

In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin.  It’s simply not gonna happen.  There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson, short of a small_cock3surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.

Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick.  But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all.  In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.

May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else.  Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit.  Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock.  Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.

Name: Laurel
Gender: female
Age: 42
Location: San Francisco
My best friend, someone I truly love, has been really getting into S&M lately.  Some weeks ago she told me she now has a full-time slave.  She says it’s a lifestyle thing, but I still don’t get it.  The problem I have is that this isn’t a private thing between her and this guy. She parades it around and treats him like a slave 24 hours a day.  I find this really disturbing and it’s like she does this just to annoy me.  My husband and I are complete equals in every way.  I can’t get comfortable watching my friend humiliate and degrade someone like this.  My friend says I should just quit being so uptight.  Is this really just a question of me being closed-minded?  Or is there something radically wrong with someone wanting to humiliate and degrade someone else?

How did your best friend’s lifestyle choices, whatever they might be, suddenly become all about you?  If you really cared for this person as much as you say you do, or better yet, as much as you care for yourself and your delicate sensitivities you’d try to look beyond your superficial appreciation of what’s going on with your friend and her slave.

fem-domYou say your problem with your friend is that she doesn’t keep her perversion private; rather she and her man slave “parade around” 24hr a day.  What, you’d prefer she be a dilettante kinkster? Hell I give her credit for taking this thing seriously.  So many others compartmentalize their lives — this is me for my family and friends — this is me for playmates — and this over here is my secret me.

As to your friend, I doubt that she gives a flying fuck if her public antics annoy you.  In fact, that may very well be why she does it.  Let’s try and look at this as dispassionately as possible.  Your friend, by being so public with her kink, has entered the realm of political and sexual theater.  That is not in any way meant to diminish her commitment to her lifestyle.  On the contrary, only someone who is totally into this would have the fortitude to constantly poke a finger in the eye of polite society.  She has a message for you and us. And I suspect that it has something to do with the unfortunate sex-role stereotyping and stultifying gender conventions that plague our buttoned down society.  But best you get that directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

I have no way of knowing why your friend does what she does, but she belongs to a very long and venerable tradition of flying in the face of the popular culture.  Sure she risks being cut off by you and ostracized by others.  And that has to hurt on some level even for those way out on the fringe.  Like all political theatrics she draws you into her world, albeit as an unwilling participant. Humiliating her slave in front of squeamish folks, like you, who don’t share her kink is asking for more than tolerance that’s for sure.  One could make the case that her behavior is foolhardy and counterproductive.  What’s for certain is she’s walking a fine line between performance art and alienation.  In the end, Laurel, you may find that it is you who will need to set the boundaries.slave

And I don’t think this is simply a question of you being too up tight.  But I fear that you are using a conventional mindset to try and decipher these very interesting goings on.  That’s simply not gonna work.  Like I said earlier, she’s being this public about what most people, including yourself, think should be private because she wants to make a statement.  I suspect your conventional mindset doesn’t know what to make of consensual power-play, which is precisely what this is.

You point out that you would never humiliate your husband like this.  No kidding?  Of course you and hubby aren’t engaged in consensual power-play, are you?  Because if you were, you’d understand your friend a whole lot better, even if you still disapproved of her public performances.

If you find your friend’s lifestyle so disturbing, you could simply ask her to chill the scene when you’re around.  She may or may not comply.  Another solution might be that you ask her for some alone time, just she and you, without her slave.  Hell, even a slave get a day off from time to time.  Again she may or may not comply.  If no arrangement can be made, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.  Hopefully you guys could do that with as little acrimony as possible.  There’s no need to burn bridges over this.  Who knows this might be a phase she’s going through…ya know trying to show everyone how edgy she is.  In time she might very well find that the fringe is not all that comfortable and decide to keep her kink more to herself.

Name: Jack
Gender:
Age: 52
Location: Milwaukee
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year.  He is the love of my life.  I love him so much, but he treats me like shit.  I met him on vacation in Florida.  He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis.  And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen.  The first time we had sex I saw stars.  He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times.  He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me.  I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him.  He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car.  I pay for his cloths and gym membership.  He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex.  My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him.  They tell me they know he sees other guys.  I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.

Like my momma always used to say:  if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it.  And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.

Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick hot guyobservations about you.  You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler.  I know, I can hear you now…oh no dr dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help.  Bullshit!

Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john.  Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns.  It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules.   And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit.  Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!

Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation.  Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life.  You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.

Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love.  It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue.  It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love.  Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’.  Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship.  They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.

Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple.  To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense.  Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.

How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself?  He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it.  And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?

So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh?  Why is that not surprising?  But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john.  I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.

hot_guy2Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script.  Ya see, kids like this need structure.  He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated.  This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks.  They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many.  He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment.  And so he turned the tables on you.  You can hardly fault the guy.  You try to manipulate him with your money.  He outwits you and manipulates you with his dick.

If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate.  And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.

There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior.  But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now.  But violence there will be; you can bank on it!

Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably?  Who knows!  If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that.  If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south.  And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.

Good Luck Ya’ll

Pjur Part Zwei

Hey Sex Fans,

We’re back with Part Zwei (that’s Part 2 in German, don’t cha know!) of our latest Pjur reviews.  Why the German flair, you might ask?  Well, that’s because Pjur is a German company, silly!  And we’re all about makin folks feel at home here at Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

This week we have three products to take a look at.  Review Crew Members — Glenn & Hank, Christa and Jada do the honors.

Pjur Power Cream Personal Lubricant 150ml / 5.1oz $17.95

Glenn & Hank

Glenn: “When pigs are at play, like Hank and me; we need a stand-up lube that won’t let us down!”Hank: “And when we’re in the thick of it, I don’t want to be fumblin’ around with a slick plastic bottle; just trying to get a grip on it so I can squeeze a paw full of lube. I wanna scoop my lube from a tub, damn it!”
Glenn: “He’s such a he-man, huh?”99240_pjur_power_premium_cream
Hank: “No, I’m serious. A tub of lube, particularly when the consistency is more like goop then liquid, is ideal for pig play. Since there’s nothing dainty about our play; there shouldn’t be anything dainty about our lube dispenser, if ya ask me”
Glenn: “Truer words were never spoken. That’s why we’re crazy over
Pjur Power Cream Personal Lubricant. Our lube of choice has always been, Pjur Original Bodyglide. There’s no beating their silicone-based lube. It’s slicker than shit!”
Hank: “That’s for sure. Now that we’ve gotten our hands on
Power Cream, we have two Pjur products to choose from.”
Glenn: “
Pjur Power Cream Personal Lubricant is like having two lubes in one; because it’s a combo of water-based and silicone-based lubes. I guess that’s what gives this stuff its thick creamy consistency that really has staying power.”
Hank: “And it lasts long too! There’s nothing I hate worse than a lube that dries out, or worse, gets sticky.”
Glenn: “It’s like totally safe to use with condoms too, which is perfect when we’re playing with others.”

Full review HERE!

Pjur Med Clean Spray Lotion 100ml / 3.4oz bottle $12.95

Pjur Med Clean Moist Toweletts 25 per pack $12.95

Jada

Good to be back with the Review Crew, especially since I have the good fortune to tell you about the Pjur Med Clean products.

Like everyone else on the Review Crew, I’m very fond of the Pjur lubes I’ve tried. I’ve never found better. Apparently they bring the same medclean-fampassion for perfection and innovation to their other products too. I’m fastidious about my personal hygiene and clean up after sex. But I also hate to ruin the intimate time after lovemaking by running off to the bathroom to tidy myself or clean my toys. The Pjur Med Clean products allow me to take care of any mess without leaving bed. I Love This Concept!

The moist toweletts and the handy spray are alcohol free and scent free. They are gentle on my skin, yet thoroughly effective.

The toweletts come in a discreet little package and the spray comes in a small container; both fit neatly in my bedside drawer. But they could easily fit in my purse. These are the idea products to have on hand for an impromptu encounter, if you know what I mean. And I think you do!

Full review HERE!

Pjur Cult For Rubber, Latex, Leather 100ml / 3.4oz $21.95

Christa

I guess I am the only Review Crew Member who is into latex. What’s up with the rest of you guys, anyway? I want to see Ken and Denise and Gina & Kevin in some rubber or latex. That would be so hot!06FP-Cult-bottle

This is only my second appearance with the Review Crew. I did one gig back in November, I think. I was the only one who would review the Divine Intervention Insertables. Ok, so my tastes are a little on the unconventional side, so sue me!

Anyhow, here I am again doin duty on a product no one else could do. I’m glad for that, because Pjur Cult is fuckin amazing. I’ll be the first to admit that latex and rubber wear is a bit labor intensive. Getting in and out of a body suit can be a real bitch. I don’t see how people with a lot of body hair do it. Maintenance of these articles can be a pain in the ass too.

But there is nothing like the feel of latex, or rubber! I got this super pair of Opera Length Latex Gloves, a kick-ass mini-skirt and this latex lace-up top. I also have a latex bodice that really shows off my rack. My little sub boyfriend, Benny, begs me to wear this shit every time we’re together. As if, you freak!

But Pjur Cult actually makes his wish a possibility. I’m able to get in (and out) of my outfits with ease. It also keeps this very expensive stuff in beautiful condition when I don’t have it on. It is oil-free and non-greasy and odorless too; thank you very much. It even feels great on my skin.

Full review HERE!

Elegant ELISE

Hey sex fans,

So here we go with Part 4 of our LELO reviews (and we still have three more to go).  If you somehow missed the previous installments, use the search function to the right.  Type in LELO, and presto!

Jack & Karen do the honors

ELISE —— $169

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Finally we’ve got our hands on a LELO. We were beginning to wonder who we had to fuck to get in on the LELO action around here.”
Jack: “Like my daddy always said, ‘Ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.’”
Karen: “The
ELISE is way better than a pony!
This black beauty (ours is black) is made from medical grade silicone. It’s just short of 10” long with just about 5” insertable length. It’s got a sweet curve to it and its torpedo-shaped. I like that shape because it looks just like Jack’s thingy.”
Jack: “Thingy? My THINGY? She’s such a grownup.”
Karen: “Sorry, that didn’t come out like I hoped. Jack’s cock is torpedo-shaped and it curves, to the left. Is that better, honey?”
Jack: “Yes dear, that’s better. It’s just that I never heard you use “thingy” before.
Ok, on with our review. The
ELISE has 5 stimulation modes and 5 speeds. It’s super quiet. It’s also rechargeable; so there’s no stinkin’ batteries to buy.”
Karen: “The Scandinavian designers of the
ELISE clearly had the woman user in mind when they developed this vibe. When I use it by myself, for G-spot stimulation, the controls are right where they should be, in the handle were I see and can reach them. There are also two, count them, two points of vibration — one in the tip, another in the shaft.”
Jack: “The
ELISE comes with the elegant signature LELO high-end packaging. It’s a gift just waiting to be given.”
Karen: “But be sure to use only water-based lube with this silicone vibe.”
Jack: “And be careful that you don’t get any lube (or water, when you’re cleaning up) in the recharging port.”
Karen: “That’s the only drawback I see to this Pleasure Object. Other than that, you can be completely uninhibited with the
ELISE. Isn’t that true, Jack? Why not tell the good people your little secret?”
Jack: “Ok, ok, Stop The Presses! I have an announcement. I broke my ass cherry with the ELISE. There I said it.
I wasn’t actually gonna say that here, because I’m still a little, how shall I put this, sensitive about the whole anal insertion thing. But WTF, right?

I mean I had a ball with this bugger. I’m like totally sold on the prostate massage concept now. But still, years of equating butt-play with gay will take awhile to dissolve.”
Karen: “I am so proud of you for coming out like this, you little butt pirate, you!”
Jack: “Hey now, that’s our little secret.”
Karen: “Yeah, us and all of our readers.”
Jack : “Like I suggested a bit ago, cleanup is easy with just some soap and water; just mind the recharger port. If you’re gonna share this toy, like we did, be sure to thoroughly wipe it down with a lint-free towel wet with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. Remember, you won’t be able to boil it or pop it in the dishwasher to sterilize.”

See the full review HERE!

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