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More of the Indomitable Human Spirit

Name: Bert
Age: 54
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Dear Sir,
7 years ago I lost my lover who I had lived for 14 years by AIDS. 6 months later I met my present lover. His lover just died of lung cancer. We met each other at a time we needed someone in our life. I am not a person who steps inside easily into a relationship. For the first 3 years we had a review every 3 months and every 3 months we extended our relationship for another 3 months. I needed time to get over my loss. My problem is that I cannot ejaculate when I have sex with my present lover and my appetite for sex has vanished. Before my lover died I had the greatest appetite for sex and I had no inhibitions about sex. I feel shy and uncomfortable when he approaches me and I do have an erected penis. In the first years I thought the reason was my lost of my lover. But after seven years it must be over. Can you give me advice?

Grief has a profound effect on our sexual response. In my practice I have found that grief is one of the leading causes of sexual dissatisfaction and dysfunction. You, Bert, present the classic symptoms of grief induced sexual dysfunction and dysphoria.

As you probably know, some animals mate for life. When the mate dies, that animal will not mate again. Are you such an animal? Is seven years of grieving enough? I can’t say. Grieving is such an individual thing. What I can tell you is it’s time for you to bring this concern to a professional for help. I suggest that you seek the help of a qualified sex-positive therapist, someone who is well versed in both sexuality and grief counseling. It’s imperative that you address this issue as soon as you can. Don’t let this go unattended any longer. It will fester and destroy any sexual relationship you will try to establish in the future.

If you can’t find anyone to help you where you live, perhaps you and I can work together. Thanks to the internet my practice is no longer geographically bound. I am able to see clients all over the world. If you’d like to learn more about me, my philosophy and the services I offer; look to the tab in the header that reads: About DR DICK.  The tab in the header that reads: Therapy Available will explain how you can contact me to set up an appointment.

Name: Lenore
Age: 27
Location: IL
Whenever I have sex with ANYONE (it could be the hottest guy on the planet) I have to ALWAYS imagine I am with someone else from my past. The guy in question was the first guy I ever had sex with. We only did it once and I never saw him again after that. I was 17 in high school and he was 23 in the navy. Now if I don’t imagine this guy I can’t achieve orgasm, no matter how GOOD the partner I have is making me feel. I’m having a good time, I lubricate like crazy, but when it gets right down to it, I HAVE to think of this guy or no orgasm.
Can you give me some advice on this?

Are you suggesting that what you describe here is a problem? Or are you just making a point and asking me for my thoughts on the matter? I hope it’s the later, because I don’t see that your fantasy life is getting in the way of you enjoying your sexuality. On the contrary, your fantasies are enriching your sexuality. You’re able to fully enjoy sex, even to orgasm…with the help of your recollections of the guy who popped your cherry.

As to what goes on in your head during sex, well that’s no body’s business but yours, unless you want to tell your partner what’s on our mind. Everyone enjoys sexual fantasies as an integral part of their sexual expression. And rarely do those fantasies include the person right there bumpin’ parts with us. There’s nothing wrong with that, don’t ‘cha know! I mean, why would you want to leave your largest sexual organ, your brain, unstimulated when your pussy is having such a good time?

Why not just enjoy what works for you?

Good luck ya’ll

SEX WISDOM With Toni Newman — Podcast #299 — 09/21/11

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Holy cow, I’m giddy with excitement, because I have an extraordinary program in store for you today. I am honored to be welcoming my first transgendered guest to the show. Just to be clear, it’s not like I haven’t reached out to other transgendered people in the past; I have. It just that I was never was able to seal the deal.

So when I contacted Toni Newman, the author of the groundbreaking: I Rise – The Transformation of Toni Newman, I kind of expected the same kind of noncommittal response I got from the other prospective guests. I was so pleasantly surprised to find that not only was Toni willing to come speak with us, she has an inspirational story of survival and triumph over the most amazing odds to tell.

But wait; that’s not all! This show is a twofer, don’t cha know. My guest, our conversation and the themes discussed in this podcast easily fall into both the SEX WISDOM series and the Sex EDGE-U-cation series.

Toni is, of course, among the movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality; who are making news and helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves. But she’s also a former sex worker who honestly and forthrightly speaks about her life on the streets and as a tranny dominatrix. Hold on to your hats, sex fans, you’ll not find a more startling and revealing interview anywhere on the net.

Toni and I discuss:

  • Being the first African-American transgendered person to write a memoir;
  • The unique perspective of transgendered people or color;
  • Transgender/transsexual;
  • Gender and genitalia;
  • Being shunned by other sexual minorities;
  • Transgender and sexual orientation;
  • Her life before her transition;
  • The difficulties she faced in her transition;
  • The phenomenal expense of a transition;
  • Being a sex worker.

Toni invites you to visit her on her site HERE!  She’s on Facebook HERE! And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

(Click on the book art below to buy Toni’s book.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

LORDY, LORDY, LORDY!

Hey Dick!
As you know, I am an escort. My business is doing very well. In fact, so well I need to ask if you know of any meds, besides Viagra, that I can take that will help me maintain an erection over a longer period of time?
Can I be frank? Here’s the deal, let’s say I have I have two one-hour clients during the day. Then a regular of mine calls and wants an all-nighter. That’s not a problem other than the fact that this particular client wants to get fucked hard. I mean real hard, for hours at a time. He’s an insatiable power bottom.
I want to be able to ride his ass, like the bitch he is. Hell, I’m even attracted to him. I just can’t stay hard enough to fuck him like he likes (especially after having had the two clients before him that same day). Sometimes I have difficulty getting it up for him, and wind up finger-fucking him till my hand is sore. I do not want to lose this client. And shifting days is not the solution. Because when he wants it he wants it and I have to produce. That’s what I do, I sell “muscle.” I have a reputation for giving the best hard driving, dominating and controlling sex around.
Again, is there a medication I can take to maintain the erection?
— Works Hard

Dear WH,

Your life reads like a cheap porn movie script. Lordy, the good doctor nearly got the vapors simply reading through your very explicit missive. (As you can see, I had to edit out some of the more gory details so I could protect your identity in this public forum.) Of course, as you suggest, it never hurts to advertise. You’re so bad!

I thoroughly understand the pressures you and other sex workers face. It’s not as glamorous a life as it is often portrayed, huh? Ok, so you’re beautiful, men idolize you and crave your attention. You’re getting loads of sex, putting all those “bitches” in their place, and crying all the way to the bank to boot. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it. But then again, there are all those sniggling performance issues that even a he-man like you must contend with.

The trouble lies in the fact that you are a workaholic. And that’s never good, regardless of the work one does. Sex work, like any other work, will burn you out if you’re not careful. If you don’t learn to pace yourself, darlin’, you’ll fizzle. (How’s that for an appropriate euphemism?) And from what you tell me, this is already beginning to happen. Keep it up (no pun intended), and you won’t be the first causality in this line of work, nor will you be the last. But If you ask me, and I happen to know a little something about sex work myself, the object here is to grow old (or older in your case) in your chosen profession.

I’m tellin’ ya, WH, if the erectile burnout don’t get ya the psychological torment will. I’ll bet you’re terrified the word will get out that Mr. Big-Beautiful-29-year-old-Stud-Power-Fucker can’t get it up. That would be real bad for business. And you know how those johns can gossip. Bitches! They don’t know that you’re servicing men at a rate that would make a superhero blush. All they see is limp willie and that spells trouble right there in River City.

It’s not surprising that you are having erection concerns given the number of clients you are seeing in one day. I mean, girlfriend, when do you find time to eat? You don’t need a new med, you need a vacation. If Viagra and a good cock ring don’t do the trick, then, in my humble opinion, your body is telling you to slow the fuck down.

And here’s another tip; research is beginning to show that prolonged and persistent use of Viagra can have some very unpleasant side effects. Those who overuse this potent cardiovascular drug, particularly young men who use it recreationally, may be in for some very unpleasant surprises down the road. So, I have one simple suggestion, WH, have a care about your sexual wellbeing and treat your dick gently. Despite the pounding you can inflict with it, it is a very delicate mechanism.

Good Luck

Give To Get

Name: Suzanne
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Auckland
I often fake an orgasm to keep my partner happy. Actually, I fake it every time. Do you think there’s a problem with that? I mean, I’d love for him to get me off but he’s pretty clueless about the whole sex thing. Besides the dreadful sex, he is a sweet guy.

Brilliant idea, Susanne! Rather than help your ineffectual lover overcome his inadequacy by telling him the truth and then offering him a little tutorial on how to make you cum — go ahead and lie to monkey about his sexual prowess. What could possibly be wrong with that?

I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doin’…except maybe that when you’re done fuckin’ him, or he’s done fuckin’ you, the next unlucky chick he happens upon will have twice the work cut out for her. Not only will she have to tell him the truth — that he sucks as a lover (and not in a good way) — but she’ll also have to contend with his ego. Thanks to you and your deception, he’ll be totally convinced that he’s a fabulous lover when, of course, he’s not.

Here’s the thing, I keep hearing from women who tell me the same sad story that you are telling me, Suzanne. They’ve saddled themselves with some clueless chump and rather than take him aside for a little show and tell, they just go with the follow, or lack there of. And then one fine day, when they finally get fed up with the whole fuckin’ mess, they write to me for advice.

And my advice is always the same. Ladies; if you imagine that whatever dude you welcome to your bed will somehow magically and innately know the finer points of pleasing you without your input, you’re living in a dream world. Us men folk generally know nothing about women’s sexuality besides what we learned from previous partners and from the porn we watch. And for the most part, that is precious little.  And since a lot of your sisters are dumping their inadequate lovers back on the market without so much as a warning to other women to keep clear of the Neanderthal, the whole sorry disappointing cycle keeps repeating itself.

Ladies; do yourself, your lovers and all human kind a favor by taking responsibility for your own pleasure. By doing so you will necessarily have to inform the men you fuck on the specific dos and don’ts of doin’ you. This task will not only reward you with greater pleasure and satisfaction, but it will improve the lot of all your sisters. Because if/when you’re ever done with the guy he will be the richer for the experience of having known, I mean really known, something of your particular sexual response. And the next woman to have him will have less a chore in showing him around her particular pussy.

Good Luck

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Name: Sofia
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Arizona
You are sick Dr DICK! I believe that porn is a sign of weakness in men and women. They cannot control their need and put their personal relationship in harm. Its degrading towards women and it gives off the wrong message to men about women. Porn is very harmful in peoples daily lives. Relationships come to an end because of men’s porn addiction. Men have lost families, wives, girlfriends etc. because of porn. Men find themselves defending it so much that they end up losing the people in their lives who do not agree with it (wives, GF, BF, etc.) What does porn leave them? Nothing! Lonely nights with no one by their side and a PC full of nasty images. Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic. Men are destroying their lives to make a porn filmmakers more wealthy. What a great exchange.

So nice of you to drop by, Sofia, and thank you for being so solicitous about my health. Yes, I was sick; I had a little cold there for a couple of days, but now I’m better.

Oh wait, you’re saying I’m sick because I don’t share your repressive opinion about porn. I get it; you’re another moral crusader who needs to denigrate those who don’t share your beliefs. What’s up with that?

Ya know the thing is, darling, I actually agree with you; a lot of porn is harmful and exploitative. It also can be very disruptive to people’s lives and can cause serious damage to otherwise healthy relationships. I mean how difficult was it for you to come up with that critique? Taking pot shots at porn in this sex-negative culture is like shooting fish in a barrel. Get over yourself, girlfriend.

And ya know what else, ma’am, all the things you accuse porn of being — harmful and exploitative, disruptive, damaging to otherwise healthy relationships — you could say about organized religion, the fast food industry, our government, the credit card industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the medical industry, the war machine and it’s horrific profiteers, like Halaburton. And the list goes on and on.

Hell, everything humans touch has the potential for becoming harmful and exploitative; it’s in our nature.  We can just as easily fuck things up as make them up-lifting and life-affirming. Even your own tirade is harmful and disruptive to those of us who are and have been trying to make a difference in the adult entertainment industry. Trust me, you would have made a better case if you said you wanted to help change the status quo in porn, not just point out its inherent flaws.

And what’s all this; “Porn leaves men lonely and pathetic”? What, are you saying you’re the alternative? Perhaps, if you weren’t so bitchy, condescending and mean-spirited the men in your life wouldn’t need to turn to porn. Your abrasive personality and moral rectitude would drive the pope to porn.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Phillip
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Austin, Texas
Dr. D, I’ve never had a problem with my sex life up until now. My wife and I have been very happy with our physical relationship. But, about 8 months ago, in a very vivid nightmare, I dreamed we were making love and when I came, the ejaculate was blood. I came blood. Everything in the dream stood still as I watched, almost as a third person, as my life flowed out of me. I woke in a sweat, and we’ve not made love since. We’ve talked about the dream, tried to be intimate, but I’m simply not able to enjoy the contact anymore. This is someone about whom I care deeply and with whom I am deeply in love. I’m considering professional help but would like your take. Thanks, Phillip in Austin

Interesting! Here is yet another instance of how one’s psyche can override one’s eroticism.

Trust me, Phillip, this is nothing to toy with; you are spot on thinking this is a matter for a professional. Like an earthquake, this vivid dream has jarred you out of your happy, healthy sex life with your wife. And like anyone who has survived an earthquake, or a similar natural disaster, you need to put your life together again as quickly as possible. I encourage you to seek a sex-positive therapist to help you break the spell of this nightmare.

To that end; I suppose you know that I offer counseling and therapy to all who visit Dr Dick’s Sex Advice, right? Thanks to the wonders of the internet and phone, my practice is not limited to the Seattle area. In fact, I have had remote clients from all over the world. Here’s what you do; look for the tab in the header that reads: Therapy Available.  You will find all the information you need to make an educated decision about joining me for some counseling.

Regardless if you choose to work with me or someone else, closer to home, the object here is to get on this ASAP. The longer you let this thing hang out there the more perverse it will become.

Good Luck ya’ll