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Play With It welcomes Dr Kat Van Kirk — Podcast #287 — 06/29/11

Hey sex fans, welcome back

Say, what if I could introduce you to some industry insiders in the world of adult products? What if I could bring you a series of conversations with leading retailers, educators, manufacturers and reviewers who are shaping the sex toy and pleasure product marketplace? You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Alrighty then; you’re in luck, because I’m back with another installment in this the Play With It series.

Ya know this is only the third podcast in this series and there’s a reason for that. I have to look high and low to find the best people to join me for this series. Despite being approached by lot of folks for a spot on this show, I only choose the cream of the crop. And speaking of cream, today we take an audio field trip to paradise, Hawaii to be precise, to meet the splendid Dr Kat Van Kirk. She is an esteemed therapist and educator, fellow podcaster and staff sexologist for one of the oldest brands in the industry, Adam & Eve.

Dr Kat and I discuss:

  • Being the sofa sexologist;
  • The predictable roots of most sexual concerns;
  • The dearth of sexological training for most healing and helping professionals;
  • Being on the cutting edge of sex education;
  • Her podcasts — Sex Chat with Dr. Kat and her gay boyfriend;
  • Her husband’s blog — So I Married a Sexologist;
  • Her sex toy reviews;
  • Women in sexology;
  • Becoming a conscientious, GREEN sex toy consumer.

Dr Kat invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Look for her on Facebook HERE!  And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!


Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.


Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.



Hey Sex Fans!

Product Review Friday is comin’ your way and today we have another outstanding insertable from our very good friends at: Crystal Delights. Today’s pleasure product is not the first Crystal Delights product we’ve reviewed, no siree! I reviewed one back in February, 2010. You can see it HERE!

Today’s review is brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew members Jack & Karen.

The Kiss —— $99.95

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Even though both Jack and I are relative new-cumers to anal play, we both need to warm up for a full on ass-ult. But now that we’re no longer rank amateurs we both really get into it once we’re loosened up a bit. I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. Originally, I offered up my butt to please Jack. I didn’t think there’d be much in it for me, but I was willing to give it a try for him. Boy, was I ever mistaken. I swear, I’m getting the lion’s share of the pleasure when Jack fucks me back there.”
Jack: “I totally love her for trying anal, just for me. And because she did it just to please me, I figured it was high time for me to do the same. We did our homework too. We also watched a couple of educational and enrichment videos on anal play; that really helped us too.”
Karen: “So true! The videos made a point of stating that the warm-up part of the play is essential if the person hopes to enjoy his/her rear entry adventure.”
Jack: “One of the most effective ways of warming-up is by using a butt plug. And we now have a new addition to our growing collection. Allow us to introduce you to the exquisite Kiss.”
Karen: “That’s the perfect word for the Kiss; it’s exquisite. It’s like jewelry for your butt hole. No, I mean it! This beautiful glass plug, (hand blown Pyrex mind you) with the stunning red swirls is the perfect size for the novice butt pirate. It is approximately 1.5” wide, at it’s widest, and has an insertable length of about 3”. The teardrop shape of the insertable end tapers down to a half-inch stem before it flares again to the base. And the base is studded with a genuine Swarovski crystal. The whole thing is no more than 3.5” long so anyone can enjoy it.”
Jack: “This important; the shape that Karen just described is classic butt plug. Once the teardrop shaped end of the Kiss is popped in you pooper, your sphincter muscles clamp down on the thin neck and this action holds the plug in place. And there’s never a worry that it will accidentally slip inside. The base is too big for that. It also means that you can wear this puppy for hours at a time. There’s no discomfort, just pleasure, pleasure, pleasure!”
Karen: “Because the beautiful Kiss is Pyrex glass it’s nonporous. It is easily cleaned and sanitized so that we can share the toy. We simply wash it in soapy hot water, then wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. We’d boil it or pop it in the dishwasher, as we do out other find glass toys, but the Kiss has that stunning crystal in its base and we don’t want to disrupt that.”
Jack: “Another great feature of a high-quality glass insertable, like the Kiss is that you can use any type of lube you want with it. We’re found of silicone-based lubes, so that’s what we use. And here’s a tip; just a little dab of lube will make the Kiss super slick.”
Karen: “I want to repeat something Jack just said. The Kiss is very comfortable to wear. In anticipation of some hot backdoor action with Jack, I simply insert the plug in advance of our play together. Wearing this thing for even 30 minutes makes my rump hungry for more.”
Jack: “She’s like totally primed for my dick when play time begins. And I’m totally ready for her strap-on when it’s my turn to give up my ass. And don’t forget, you can warm or chill glass for an added sensation.”
Karen: “The Kiss comes in a stylish padded pouch that folds upon itself and secures itself with elastic bands. It’s a very classy presentation and it would make the perfect gift.”
Full Review HERE!


My Latest Book


(Click on the book art above to purchase.)

For centuries homosexuals have been vilified and persecuted by the Catholic Church, but throughout all of its history the Church has had a very inconvenient secret. Many of its clergy and religious men and women, even those in the highest echelons of the Church, were and are homosexual. Little was known of the lives these religious people live until the publication, in 1981, of the groundbreaking, Gay Catholic Priests; A Study of Cognitive and Affective Dissonance.

I am the author of that study and I am a gay priest. But the media firestorm that erupted after its publication and the backlash within my religious community because of its publication eventually destroyed my public priesthood. The story of my 13-year battle with the Church to save my ministry exemplifies the spiritual isolation, emotional distress and ecclesiastical reprisals every gay priest most fears.

A Brief Description
Secrecy, Sophistry And Gay Sex In The Catholic Church provides an intimate and disturbing look into the unseemly inner-workings the Catholic Church. It is primarily a story about how this institution deals with dissent in its midst, but it also shows to what lengths the Church will go to silence a whistle-blower. What I am about to recount happened between 1981 and 1994. It involves the highest levels of the Vatican bureaucracy, secret documents, corporate incompetence, canonical corruption, and institutionalized homophobia on an epic scale.

The publication of my dissertation broke the seal on the Vatican’s gay secret. The press dubbed me “The Gay Priest,” but my research and what it implies made patently clear that I wasn’t the only gay priest. In fact, there is a sizable segment of the clergy population that is gay and these men are forced to live duplicitous lives of repression in secret.

The Church’s single-minded effort to quash the emerging story and silence me showed that I needed to be “dealt with” in the most severe fashion; an example had to be made of me. If other priests started coming out of the closet, demanding to be treated with dignity and respect it would certainly undercut the entirety of Catholic sexual moral theology—there is no place for non-reproductive sexuality in that paradigm.

The irony is that at the same time my story was unfolding an unimaginable scandal, involving hundreds of Catholic priests across the globe, was also brewing. Cardinals, bishops and provincials worldwide were, and still are, furtively shuffling pedophile priest from one crime scene to another. They were, and still are, involved in a massive corporate cover up of their own crimes and those of their brother clergy.

While I am being singled out for 13 years of Church vitriol, public character assassination and communal shunning—my superiors claim that they are simply trying to protect the Church from scandal—these same Church leaders and others are lying, prevaricating and sabotaging any effort to uncover the burgeoning clergy sexual abuse scandal that would soon rock the front pages of newspapers all over the world.

The public panic, among Church officials, exhibited toward me—a single up-front gay priest in their midst—is in stark contrast to their apathetic and anemic response to the systemic clergy sexual abuse that engulfs them.

I am confident making the comparison between my struggle and the clergy sex abuse scandal, because I have first-hand knowledge of this abuse criminality. I was repeatedly sexually molested as a 14-year-old boy in an Oblate seminary in southern Illinois.

My story is the story of a Church that will go to any length, even to violate its core principles—Gospel values that form the fundamental tenets of faith—to protect its public image. In other words, this is a story of a Church out of control.

Secrecy, Sophistry And Gay Sex In The Catholic Church: The Systematic Destruction Of An Oblate Priest, is presented in two distinct parts.

  • Part 1 is a detailed account of my 13-year struggle with the religious community I once belonged to, The Missionary Oblates Of Mary Immaculate, to preserve my priesthood. It reads like an ecclesiastical who-done-it.
  • Part 2 is my complete doctoral thesis, Gay Catholic Priests; A Study of Cognitive and Affective Dissonance.  I included it in this volume, because this is precisely what set this controversy in motion.  It illustrates and reveals the plight of gay Catholic clergy and the fierce repression the Vatican imposes upon them. It is also the 30th anniversary of its limited publication as a monograph before the Vatican silenced me. It’s been out of print for well over 25 years.

I invite you to “Like” us on Facebook HERE, “Follow” us on Twitter HERE and visit our new site and blog HERE.

More of The Erotic Mind of Euftis Emery — Podcast #286 — 06/20/11

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

Happy Solstice everyone! Damn, where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday we were greeting the equinox.

Well you know what they say; time flies when you’re having fun. And we’re all about havin’ fun, don’t cha know. And speaking of entertainment; Mr Off-Da-Chain himself, Euftis Emery, is back with Part 2 of our chat for this The Erotic Mind series.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful conversation, which appeared here last week at this time did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #285 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Euftis and I discuss:

  • Keeping up the sexual tension up in his writing;
  • Erotica is culturally based;
  • His audience and fans;
  • Erotica and porn;
  • Writing erotica as therapy;
  • Being a little twisted;
  • No need to “get into character”;
  • Getting “outted” at work;
  • What he looks for in the erotica of others;
  • Advice for the novice writer.

And Euftis is just itchin’ to share another selection of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. This week, like last, he will be reading from his oh so popular anthology, Off The Chain, Volume 2.

Our guest tells us that we can find everything there is to find about Euftis Emery on the net, by simply searching for…you guessed it — Euftis Emery. But here’s a tip; you’ll find him on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE!

(click on the thumbnails below to get more information about these volumes)


Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.


Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.


Overcoming a Fear of Sex: A Step-By-Step Process

All phobias can be overcome with some effort. The same is true for conquering a fear of sex. Here, I walk a young gay man through his trepidation with anal sex. We take simple, easy to accomplish steps to build confidence and dispel his apprehensions.

I’m gay, I’m a virgin, and I think I may be afraid of sex. In all the porn I’ve seen, the bottom guy looks uncomfortable and in pain— why would I want that? I’ve only done anything sexual with one guy, and I was so anxious that I couldn’t even get it up. I liked the guy, he was hot, and I enjoyed all the foreplay type stuff, but I just couldn’t do anything else. Any advice on how to get over this?

First thing—don’t ever look to porn for your sex education; you’ll surely be misled. Second, that grimace you report seeing on the bottom’s face as he is being penetrated may be a grimace of pleasure, not pain. I think you may be projecting your own discomfort on the guys in the movies.

Let me tell you a little story. Recently I was strolling in the park with my dog. We were each, in our own way, enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of nature in its glory. As we walked along, we encountered a father and son who were deeply involved in what appeared to be the boy’s first lesson in riding a bicycle—sans training wheels. Despite the father’s patient encouragement, the kid couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. He’d start out okay, but just as soon as his dad let go of the bike, it would begin to wobble and the boy would eventually crash. There were plenty of tears, a skinned knee, and the boy’s fear and anxiety were thick enough to cut with a knife.

The boy was convinced that he couldn’t ride on his own. His defeatism became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He finally gave up, sat down on a bench, his bike in a tangle at his feet, and refused his father’s pleading to give it another try. In his mind, the bike was the enemy; another attempt would only hurt and humiliate, and so the lesson ended.

What the kid lacked was self-confidence, a sense of adventure and probably more importantly—balance. I wish I’d had the opportunity to suggest to the boy and his dad that they try another ploy. I wanted to say, “Set the bike aside and work on that balance thing first.” This would surely increase the boy’s confidence, and it wouldn’t cost a blow to his ego or his knee—and it would be fun.

I’d have suggested the dad start by helping the kid walk on curb, balancing himself as he went. Then the dad could increase the challenge to include balancing on one foot, then the other. Once the kid discovered the power within him to accomplish these tasks, the bike could be reintroduced. The father would assist the boy in drawing upon his skill in balancing on the curb to master balancing on his bike.

The same will be true for you, Drew. Sex is nothing to be afraid of. Rather, it is a skill that one learns. Some, obviously, take to it quicker than others, but everyone can learn a happy, healthy sexual repertoire that will build self-esteem and bring great pleasure.

I want you to start exploring and enjoying your bottom on your own. Like the kid in the park, you need to acquaint yourself with the powers that lie within you. He needed to find a sense of balance; you need to find the Big Old Butt Pirate within.

Most all of the discomfort in anal sex is associated with your sphincter muscle trying to resist whatever it is being inserted. When this muscle resists to the point of spasming, things can become very painful. So here’s what I want you to do.

  • Before you start playing with your hole—relax. Take a relaxing shower, a warm bath, and/or try some deep breathing exercises to center yourself.
  • Have a ready supply of a water-based lube handy. Silicone-based lubes are swell for these exercises too. However, this type of lube isn’t recommended for use with a condom.
  • Start with a little self-pleasuring. Stroke your dick with your lubed hand and get into your happy place.
  • Gradually slather some of that lube on to your balls and taint. With legs open, find your hole and play with your rosebud. Gently massage the area around your asshole, but don’t slide your fingers in just yet. Simply get used to the sensations at the opening of your ass.
  • Let your play include the tip of your finger entering your ass.
    If you do this while you’re stroking your cock, you will find that your hole will actually open and invite your finger. That’s the great thing about pleasuring one part of your body while learning to pleasure another.
  • Once you are comfortable with your fingertip inside, try pushing it in further and move it around a little. Try pushing it and pulling it out of your ass. You know, like finger-fucking yourself.
  • Locate your prostate. (It shouldn’t be hard to find if you’re all horned up.) It will feel smooth and hard, like a flat stone. Give it a nice gentle massage. If you’re still stroking your wood, don’t be surprised if this prostate massage gets you to ejaculate. In fact, you will find that your prostate actually enlarges a bit and becomes more firm just as you are about to shoot. As you jizz, you’ll notice that your sphincter muscle will tighten around your finger and pulsate with each squirt.

Continue these self-pleasuring exercises until you’re comfortable inserting a couple fingers in your ass. Then try a small vibrating dildo. In no time at all, you will be ready to jump on your bike and ride…so to speak.

With these exercises behind you—no pun intended—the first time you actually fuck with a partner will be the incredible experience it is meant to be. If you encounter any discomfort, you’ll know what to do: deep breathing to relax and priming your hole with a lubed finger or two.

  • First, attend to your personal hygiene. Make sure you’re clean inside. This will help you avoid an unsightly and embarrassing mishap that might mess up the big event.
  • Remember to take it slow. There’s no rushing pleasure. Remember, you’ll be the one in charge of what goes in your ass, when, and for how long.
  • Warm up with some foreplay, kissing, sucking, licking, rimming, touching and massaging.
  • Have condoms and plenty of lube near at hand.
  • While you’re warming up, start loosening up your ass with your lubed fingers, just as you did in your self-pleasuring exercises.
  • Once you’re comfortable, offer your ass to your partner. Have him replace your fingers with his own. Try some finger-fucking first.
  • After you’re relaxed and loose, lie on your side with your partner behind you. Have him slowly push his cock against your rosebud.
  • Try pushing out like you are trying to take a dump. This will help open up your sphincter for his entry.
  • As he enters you, have him stop so that you can breathe deeply. Give your ass the time it needs to adjust to the new sensations. If there’s pain or discomfort have your partner reverse course and go back to finger fucking before you proceed.
  • Make sure that your partner knows that if you ask him to stop, he will stop. Trust is essential.
  • As he fills you with his dick he will hit your prostate. This will send waves of pleasure through your body and signal your sphincter to open for even more.
  • You may find that you’ll even want to push your ass back to meet and engulf his cock.

By the time this happens you will happily discover that you are riding your bike all by yourself.

Good luck!