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Sex Therapy—What Is It and Who Needs It? – Part 2

(Look for Part 1 of this series HERE!)

Of course, there are plenty of individuals—and couples—who haven’t waited until the last minute to seek help. These people want to be proactive about their concerns. Some people simply need some clear, unambiguous information about human sexuality. A surprising number of people are trying to piece together their sexual lives, but are hampered by misconceptions and misinformation.

Sometimes a momentous event motivates a person to address arising sexual or intimacy issues. The birth of a child, a disease process, a death in the family, or an accident can fundamentally alter the power dynamic of a relationship, which will require a rethinking of the entire relationship.

Or perhaps someone comes to a new realization about him or herself: Perhaps they are finally able to acknowledge their bisexuality, or that he’s gay, or she’s a lesbian. Maybe they are finally able to acknowledge a fetish—he’s a crossdresser, or she’s into another kink. Things like this obviously impact the individual, but if that person is in a relationship, the relationship is also affected. People in these self-revelatory situations are often unsure how to talk about their discoveries with a partner, which is another reason they seek counseling.

Some couples don’t fret when the sex vanishes from the relationship; other couples are devastated. What does one do when one partner still has sexual needs, but the other doesn’t? Often, there are unexplored options that can hold the relationship together, but will address the disparity in sexual interest and desire.

In this case, I can help the couple make compromises without losing their moral compass. Some couples navigate this with ease; others not so much. It can be extremely challenging, but there are ways to preserve what’s sacred about a primary relationship, while contemplating opening the relationship to include others. I can help a couple establish guidelines and ground rules for making the necessary adjustments.

Sometimes the relationship is really wonderful and fun. The couple really loves each other, but they’ve noticed their sex life together is pretty boring and stale. I’m often approached to simply help a couple spice things up. In this instance, my work is sheer joy. Mostly, I just give them permission to experiment and have fun.

You’ve probably noticed that a good portion of the work that I do as a sex therapist is merely giving permission. That may not sound like therapy at all, but when you consider that our sex-negative culture is so full of prohibitions; permission giving is often the front line of sexual rehabilitation. Most of the permissions I give are for an individual to educate him or herself about his or her body and his or her sexual response cycle. Personal exploration, such as masturbation, is the very best means to that education. I’m a huge proponent of partners masturbating together.

Happily, our need to reacquaint and reeducate ourselves about our bodies and our sexual response cycle is a life-long process. There is always something new to explore. As we age, our bodies change, and if we don’t keep up with those changes, we can become frustrated and disoriented. Older people, menopausal women and andropausal men, take longer to build up “a head of sexual steam,” so to speak. If they’re not attuned to the changes they’re going through, they can easily miss the important cues their body is sending to slow down and enjoy the sensuality.

Of course, I could go on and on, but now I want to leave you with what is the distillation of years my thinking about the role sexuality plays in our life:

I believe that sex is like food. We can enjoy it alone, or with others. We can be abstemious, or gluttonous. We can nosh or nibble; dine or devour. And we can be certain there will be both times of feast and famine.

Sex is like food. It can nourish and sustain us, or it can make us sick. We can consume all the available bounty, or restrict our diet. It can completely satisfy, or leave us devastatingly empty. We can employ it to express our highest aspirations, or allow it to rob us of our soul. We can give it as a gift, or use it as a weapon. It can be both bacchanal and sacrament.

One thing is for sure, whether purely physical or transcendentally spiritual, no one can live without food…or sex.

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Oh sweet mystery of life at last I found you

In lieu of Product Review Friday, we have some interesting Q&A about sex toys.

Name: Tadd
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Arizona
In one of your podcasts you told some guy about a strap on kit he could buy for his GF. Could you repeat that? I’ve been trying to find one.

I responded to an inquiry from Karol from Poland a while back. He asked about a strap-on kit. I told him: “As to your question about a strap-on and what a guy should know about buying one for his female partner. I suspect the overriding concern for the amateur butt pirate is to get his gal a comfortable harness that can accommodate a couple different sized dildos. I suggested that he turn his attention to the Dr Dick’s Stockroom banner in the sidebar. I told him to click through there and search for the Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit (B664).  The good people at Dr Dick’s Stockroom have painstakingly put together everything you need for your first pegging!”

  • Is there someone in your life who is curious about strapping it on, but doesn’t know quite where to begin? Well, we have the perfect starter kit! Everything a beginning sensuous player would need to strap it on is included in this package (except their favorite water-soluble lubricant – sold separately).
  • This strap-on harness is low-riding with a fuzzy, deep purple velvet front and highly adjustable nylon straps. The kit has 2 color coordinated, shimmery purple dildos. These hypoallergenic silicone dildos are shaped and sized appropriately for those just beginning anal play adventures. The smaller is approximately 4″ long and 3⁄4″ wide, while the larger one is 5″ long and 11⁄4″ wide.
  • A powerful variable-speed mini-vibe sits in a secret pocket behind the dildo to give the wearer an extra jolt of fun. The straps are adjustable, fitting up to 50″ hips. The 1.5″ O-ring can be exchanged for play with other sized dildos (sold separately). Washable, smart, and sexy. Bottom line – this is one hot strap-on package!

Name: Gary
Age: 58
Location: Tampa
I’m a widower; my wife of 29 years died a little over a year ago. I’m just now getting back into the swing of thing. The sex I had with my wife was very conventional now I want to try something different. I want to go to a dominatrix. I’ve always had a fantasy about a woman owning and punishing my privates. It’s a big turn on. Is there anything I should know about this?

I love it, another kinkster in the making. Coming out as a perv, in my opinion, is better done late than never. My first suggestion is that you find a better term for your privates than “privates”. You sound like your mommy. I suggest cock and balls, it pretty much says it all very succinctly.

Have you done your homework in terms of finding the right dominatrix? I suppose you have at least a couple in mind, right? Might I suggest that when you make contact with one or another of these professional women that you be very specific about what you want and how you want it. You can ask for some hot CBT (cock and ball torture). Ya see, knowing the right vocabulary will often expedite your getting precisely what you are looking for.

Here’s a tip…a good submissive, or sub — that’s you, Gary, will want to bring his dominatrix, or dom a little gift to start things off on the right foot. May I suggest this little number: A Male Chastity Kit (B702). Look for it in the Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

  • The CB-3000 represents the latest design in modern male chastity devices from the same designers who invented the best-selling CB-2000 and The Curve. Some customers wanted a size mid-way between the CB-2000 and The Curve. The manufacturers listened to our customers’ requests and have allowed us to bring you this exciting new male chastity device.
  • The natural flow of lines in this model represents the cock and conforms to the body. The slim, smooth lines permit the CB-3000 to be worn easily under clothing. It is slightly vented with curving lines and custom openings for comfort and hygiene. The material, a highly durable transparent polycarbonate, is functional and appealing, and its strength exceeds that of acrylic and many other plastic blends.
  • Some men find it possible to use the urinals while wearing the CB-3000, though most find it more practical to sit. When locked with a plastic lock, the device will not set off metal detectors in airports or at other security checkpoints. So it is possible to wear the device 24/7 without interfering with travel or business routines. (Just make sure to use the plastic lock and not the brass lock under these circumstances.) This compact design involves no uncomfortable belts, straps or chains.
  • The CB-3000 consists of two main parts, the cage portion (inside length 3″ – inside diameter 1 3/8″) and the cuff ring. They easily slide together by means of two guide pins and a locking pin. The guide pins extend from the cage portion. Different-sized spacing rings are provided to allow a personalized fit.
  • The five rings included in the kit have inside diameters of 1_”, 1 5/8″, 1_”, 1 7/8″, and 2″. Once you find the right spacing, simply use a pair of side cutter pliers to snip the ends of the guide pins and then smooth the edges with an emery board or file. The locking pin is slightly recessed into the body cuff.
  • The Body Cuff comes in five different sizes, and swivels open at the bottom so that it can be closed easily around the cock and balls. Align the locking pin holes with the locking pins on the main part of the cage, add the proper amount of spacers, and then install the cage portion. The balls will then be trapped between the cuff and the cage. The smooth, rounded design minimizes pinching and chafing while being worn.
  • Finding the right-sized Body Cuff is extremely important for reasons of comfort and security. It should be as tight as possible without cutting off any circulation. If you are wearing a cuff that is too tight, it will cause some swelling and discoloration of the ball sac. If you see any discoloration, or experience numbness or aching discomfort, you definitely need to go to the next larger size. If you have a particularly high (short/tight) ball sac, you may find that you will need to stretch the ball sac slightly before the CB-3000 becomes comfortable and suitable for longer-term wear. For the most comfortable fit, the balls should hang below the cage and cuff ring. to prevent pinching.
  • I highly recommend applying baby oil/gel (or a similar product) to your cock with a cotton swab after showering. This practice allows your willie to move naturally up and down in the cage portion. Then you should be able to wear it 24/7 for indefinite periods of time. Some people have kept it on for months.
  • The CB-3000 kit includes the following: One brass padlock with 2 keys, 5 individually numbered, tamper-proof plastic locks, 3 different lengths of locking pins and 5 differently-sized spacers.

Good luck

It’s Only Natural!

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday again and we have two more Intimate Organics products  to tell you about. I say “more”, because we reviewed one of their other products a couple of weeks ago. You can find that review HERE!

This week’s reviews come to you by way of Dr Dick Review Crew members Denise and Karen.

Intimate Organics Intense – clitoral gel —— $15.60

Karen
I thought to myself: Oh goodie, Intimate Organics Intense clitoral gel sounds simply delightful. I can’t wait to give it a whirl. Alas, once I did, I found that it didn’t live up to my, perhaps inflated, expectations.

Allow me to explain. It appears the Intimate Organics people and I have a completely different take on what the word “intense” means. When I think “intense” I think WOW, totally awesome! Intimate Organics Intense didn’t even come close to WOW or awesome. That’s not to say it didn’t work at all; it did. It’s just that it was mild, not wild.

Now, I’m the first one to acknowledge that every woman’s naughty bits are different from every other woman’s naughty bits. A woman’s response to a product like Intimate Organics Intense will be very subjective. What is thrilling to one may not be all that exciting to another. So how this clitoral gel panned out for me may not predict your experience.

Intimate Organics Intense is a clear gel, easy to use and it isn’t runny. I am totally stoked that this product is certified paraben-free, pure vegan and DEA-free. In fact, I couldn’t be more pleased in this regard. I’ll choose an organic product over an alternative every time.

I’m guessing the active ingredient in Intimate Organics Intense is the peppermint oil. It has a slight peppermint taste and the warming/stimulating/cooling effect is probably due to that too. I just wished they had kicked it up a notch.

I used Intimate Organics Intense on myself first. Than Jack and I used it together. I used it on my clit and I dabbed it on my nipples. There was an increase in sensations, but like I said there was nothing intense about it.

It works best when you apply it and then wait about 2 minutes and will last for about 10 minutes or so.
Full Review HERE!

Defense Protection Lubricant —— $8.78

Denise
Before I started to use Defense Protection Lubricant I thought I’d better do a little background check. You see, we’ve reviewed dozens of lubes on this site, but this is the first one that suggested it protects. But protects what, or protects against what; was my question.

This is what I discovered. Defense Protection Lubricant contains both caarrageean (sea kelp) and guava bark, an anti-bacterial extract. Apparently there are studies that show carrageenan inhibits the virus (HPV) that cause cervical cancer and genital warts. Guava bark has been traditionally used as a douche to treat and prevent yeast infections. I really think this is a great idea. I just hope that folks don’t get the wrong impression and think that use of Defense Protection Lubricant is a sufficient means of protecting oneself from all STIs.

I also want to point out that carrageenan is a vegan alternative to gelatin.

Defense Protection Lubricant is a light, water-based, glycerin-free, propylene glycol-free, condom friendly lubricant. All of these fine GREEN attributes make this lube worthy of your serious consideration. If I have one quarrel with the product it is that Defense Protection Lubricant dries out very quickly. It doesn’t get sticky, mind you, but it does dry out. Ken and I found that we needed to reapply several times even before we got to the main fucking event.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Purely Sensual

Hey sex fans,

I have a swell, and oh so special, Product Review Friday for ya. Today is a twofer, don’t cha know. We’re experiencing a bit of a backlog in our reviews and while generally I post only one review a week, today we have two. One product comes to us from a new company joining our review effort for the first time. The other product comes to us from a good friend and stalwart in the industry. Please join me in welcoming Intimate Organics and welcoming back LELO.

These reviews are brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew members Brad and Jada.

Intimate Organics Adventure – anal relaxing spray — $17.78

Brad
Hey everyone, I’m here to tell you about Intimate Organics Adventure. It’s an anal relaxing spray. Curiously enough this product is marketed exclusively to women. But ya know what? Men have assholes too. And Intimate Organics Adventure is equally effective on a dude’s bunghole as it is on a chick’s.

When I haven’t bottomed for a while, and I’m talking about either diddling myself with a dildo while I beat off or having my GF peg me, I want to ease into the experience. Gettin bum-fucked is a kick when it is worry free. So anything I can use to take the edge off is a big plus in my book.

Ok, after saying that I just realized that didn’t come out right. I don’t want to suggest that “anything” that takes the edge off is good. The reason I’m correcting myself is that I have tried other anal relaxers. Actually they were anal anesthesizers and that was the problem. Some of the products I tried in the past used benzocaine and it numbed the shit out of my hole. This was way over-kill and it was also dangerous. If I couldn’t feel what was going on down there I couldn’t tell if I was about to injure myself, nor could I be any help to my partner with the strap-on. So no more of that stuff for me!

Intimate Organics Adventure is different. Their herbal-based spray does not numb, because it doesn’t contain any anesthetic elements. Their unique formula contains a certified organic extract blend with the natural potency of clove, goji berry, aloe and lemongrass. It’s great. My GF, Kitty, thinks so too. Once she saw how much I enjoyed my butt she decided to give up her ass too.

I’m certain that the Intimate Organics Adventure was a big part of her decision to try anal. This chick is super fussy about what she puts in and on her bod. The fact that this product is organic really impressed her. The lady-friendly packaging didn’t hurt the effort either.

Intimate Organics Adventure is a spray, I already mentioned that, and it’s the consistency of a light lube. But ya gotta know that this product does not replace the need for a high-quality lube. When it come to anal penetration of any kind, you’re gonna want to use lots more lube than a couple of spritzes of this product. only thing ya got to remember is ya have to wait about 10 minutes after applying the Intimate Organics Adventure before applying the additional lube. This product is also latex and condom friendly.
Full Review HERE!

LELO Flickering Touch Massage Candle —— $29.15

Jada
I’m a sucker for scented candles. I have them all over the house. I once took a class in aromatherapy and I learned a lot about how essential oils, and other aromatic compounds can alter a person’s mind, mood, cognitive function or health.

So when Dr Dick offered me the Flickering Touch Massage Candle to review I knew I was in for a treat. I am very fond of my LELO pleasure objects. I reviewed The SORAYA way back in January and was so impressed that I’ve picked up two others LELO vibes since. One I gave as a gift.  I know, how generous!

The Flickering Touch Massage Candle did not disappoint. It lives up to the LELO name in every way. Lets start with the packaging. It came in a simply elegant black box, with mauve and black accents. And all the packaging is biodegradable. The candle itself comes in a gorgeous black glass container with a designer silver lid. It dresses up anywhere you put it.

I received the Vanilla & Crème De Cacao candle, but there are two other candles in the LELO line — Black Pepper & Pomegranate and Snow Pear & Cedarwood. (Please Mr LELO, send us others to review!)

The candle is made from natural soy wax, shea butter and apricot oil. And because it is a massage candle as well as aromatherapy, when you dab it on your skin, or your lover’s skin, the effect is outstanding. It absorbs nicely, like a fine body oil should. And it leaves your skin delectably smooth and lightly fragranced.

If you are into sensual massages and romantic play the Flickering Touch Massage Candle is just the thing for you. My husband and I went to the San Juan Islands for an amorous weekend get away for our anniversary last month. I made certain that the Flickering Touch Massage Candle would accompany us. My husband liked the scent too. He’s sometimes critical of my aromas, because he claims some are too sweet or feminine. But he liked the Vanilla & Crème De Cacao just fine.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

KISS My Ass

Hey Sex Fans!

Product Review Friday is comin’ your way and today we have another outstanding insertable from our very good friends at: Crystal Delights. Today’s pleasure product is not the first Crystal Delights product we’ve reviewed, no siree! I reviewed one back in February, 2010. You can see it HERE!

Today’s review is brought to you by Dr Dick Review Crew members Jack & Karen.

The Kiss —— $99.95

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Even though both Jack and I are relative new-cumers to anal play, we both need to warm up for a full on ass-ult. But now that we’re no longer rank amateurs we both really get into it once we’re loosened up a bit. I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. Originally, I offered up my butt to please Jack. I didn’t think there’d be much in it for me, but I was willing to give it a try for him. Boy, was I ever mistaken. I swear, I’m getting the lion’s share of the pleasure when Jack fucks me back there.”
Jack: “I totally love her for trying anal, just for me. And because she did it just to please me, I figured it was high time for me to do the same. We did our homework too. We also watched a couple of educational and enrichment videos on anal play; that really helped us too.”
Karen: “So true! The videos made a point of stating that the warm-up part of the play is essential if the person hopes to enjoy his/her rear entry adventure.”
Jack: “One of the most effective ways of warming-up is by using a butt plug. And we now have a new addition to our growing collection. Allow us to introduce you to the exquisite Kiss.”
Karen: “That’s the perfect word for the Kiss; it’s exquisite. It’s like jewelry for your butt hole. No, I mean it! This beautiful glass plug, (hand blown Pyrex mind you) with the stunning red swirls is the perfect size for the novice butt pirate. It is approximately 1.5” wide, at it’s widest, and has an insertable length of about 3”. The teardrop shape of the insertable end tapers down to a half-inch stem before it flares again to the base. And the base is studded with a genuine Swarovski crystal. The whole thing is no more than 3.5” long so anyone can enjoy it.”
Jack: “This important; the shape that Karen just described is classic butt plug. Once the teardrop shaped end of the Kiss is popped in you pooper, your sphincter muscles clamp down on the thin neck and this action holds the plug in place. And there’s never a worry that it will accidentally slip inside. The base is too big for that. It also means that you can wear this puppy for hours at a time. There’s no discomfort, just pleasure, pleasure, pleasure!”
Karen: “Because the beautiful Kiss is Pyrex glass it’s nonporous. It is easily cleaned and sanitized so that we can share the toy. We simply wash it in soapy hot water, then wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. We’d boil it or pop it in the dishwasher, as we do out other find glass toys, but the Kiss has that stunning crystal in its base and we don’t want to disrupt that.”
Jack: “Another great feature of a high-quality glass insertable, like the Kiss is that you can use any type of lube you want with it. We’re found of silicone-based lubes, so that’s what we use. And here’s a tip; just a little dab of lube will make the Kiss super slick.”
Karen: “I want to repeat something Jack just said. The Kiss is very comfortable to wear. In anticipation of some hot backdoor action with Jack, I simply insert the plug in advance of our play together. Wearing this thing for even 30 minutes makes my rump hungry for more.”
Jack: “She’s like totally primed for my dick when play time begins. And I’m totally ready for her strap-on when it’s my turn to give up my ass. And don’t forget, you can warm or chill glass for an added sensation.”
Karen: “The Kiss comes in a stylish padded pouch that folds upon itself and secures itself with elastic bands. It’s a very classy presentation and it would make the perfect gift.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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