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Is she is, or is she ain’t

Name: Ulrich
Gender: male
Age: 22
Location: Hannover, GR
How do I know my girlfriend isn’t faking it? She looks like she’s into it, but sometimes it looks like too much drama.

Too much drama, I love it! I’m gonna assume that you’re talking about what appears to be her throws of pleasure — screaming, moaning and thrashing about, just like in the porno movies. I’m not sure I know why woman fake it, men sure as hell don’t go out of their way put on a show if their heart and dick ain’t in it. But women often do and sometimes even us benighted men think something’s fishy…so to speak.

Maybe the question you are asking, Ulli, might stem from a concern you have about your own skill as a lover. I suppose the most obvious reason a woman fakes an orgasm is to massage the ego of the guy who is putting it to her. I suppose it’s the path of least resistance after all. It’s easier to fake it then be honest with her lover about his sexual prowess. Of course there’s always the possibility that the woman in question is pre-orgasmic — that she’s never had an orgasm so she may think that this is how it’s done. How sad is that?

You know how there’s little mystery about a dude’s pleasure — he gets it up, he gets it on and he gets it off — pretty cut and dried. And there’s often the evidence of his pleasure in the form of a pool of his own jizz. Although I hasten to add that an ejaculation is not the same thing as an orgasm, but it is rare to have an ejaculation that isn’t somewhat pleasurable.

A chick is very different, don’t ‘cha know. Her sexual organs and arousal are mostly internal. So unless she’s a squirter (a g-spot ejaculation that is) there’s only circumstantial evidence that she is being pleasured. I guess that’s why so many women make all that “drama.” It’s to compensate for not having anything as obvious as a hardon and a puddle of spooge. Of course the drama could also be a way of throwing us boys off the scent…so to speak.

However, there are things you can look for that may indicate your partner is enjoying herself. Knowing something about the female sexual response cycle will, no doubt, be very helpful here. If you don’t know your way around this phenomenon, I’d suggest that you have some remedial study to do.

Again, the male sexual response cycle is pretty obvious — he gets wood. For a woman the analogous response is she gets wet. If your lady has a wet pussy, you may be on the right track. Of course lots of women don’t lubricate all that much, so you might not want to rely on this evidence alone. In this instance you might look for the secondary signs of arousal – these are pretty much the same in both women and men. Our pupils may dilate, our skin may flush, our nipples may erect, our breathing may increase to a pant, our heart rate will defiantly increase and our toes might curl. Not all of these will happen every time to every person, but you get the drift, right?

In terms of the big “O” men and women differ in many respects, but there are some commonalities. Both women and men can have “mini orgasms” as well as “major” screamin’ memes. Us men folk tend not to pay too much attention to the little tremors, because we know the big one is coming. Women, on the other hand, have less certainty that the big “O” will show up, so they tend to be more aware of the mini ones. Regardless of the gender a good portion of an orgasm’s physiologic response is the same in all of us. Muscle contractions, specifically the PC (pubococcygeus muscle) in both women and men and vaginal and uterine muscles in women signal orgasm. Everything else— the writhing, the shuddering, the fluttering of the eyes and the moans of delight — is gravy.

If the chick you’re bumping has a wild orgasm every single time, I think she’s faking it. If she cums no matter what you’re doing to her, I think she’s faking it. If she sounds like a cheap porn flick, I think she’s faking it. If she’s still doin’ the “oh yeah baby, you’re the best…make momma scream,” long after you stopped doin whatever you were doin’. I think she’s faking it. If she carrying on, yet looking over at the television or the clock, then I think she’s faking it. If there’s no afterglow after a big “O”, I’ll bet she faking it.

If you think you’re with a faker, you might just want to tell her that she doesn’t need to put on a show for you. On the contrary, you both would be better served with a little honesty. Ask her for some feedback; what’s working, what’s not. Oh, and if you think the chick you’re with is gonna cum as fast as you, you don’t know your way around a pussy.

And here’s another thing you should know; most women don’t come from fucking alone. So if you think you got a magic wand in your pants, you are sadly mistaken. If you’re not using your hands and mouth as well as your willie; she’ll likely fake it.

And finally, if you can’t locate her clit to save your life, you can count on her faking it.

Good luck

Bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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If it’s not one thing, it’s another…

Name: Malcolm
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Johannesburg
I’m in love with this guy who is as sweet as the day is long. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. What makes him so charming is he’s only recently come out as gay. Before this he was married. He is not jaded like so many other guys I meet. But there’s a problem. He’s real vanilla. I guess that’s the down side of coming out of a heterosexual marriage at the age of 35. He’s happy as a clam fucking me a couple times a week. He thinks anal sex is really adventurous and sexually daring. I on the other hand, am suffocating in the boredom. I know, now I sound really jaded, but I can’t help it. It’s just that there’s so much more to sex than what we are doing. I want to introduce him to some kinky shit, but I’m afraid that I will scare him off. What the fuck should I do?

I absolutely adore messages that start out: “I’m so in love. He/she is everything I ever wanted, blah, blah, blah!” Because I know that only a few words later the other shoe is gonna drop, and drop hard. “But there’s a problem, blah, blah, blah!”

Of course there’s a problem. There is always a problem…even with Mr. or Ms. Perfect, or maybe because your honey is so freakin perfect. Take it from me, sexual dissatisfaction will upset even the most tranquil and rosy apple cart and send everyone into a tizzy. Allow me to share with you something I wrote about this very issue about ten years ago. I think you will find the advice as fresh as the day it was written.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting depraved creature you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar don’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah’s always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with — lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

Good luck

Cushion for the pushin’

Hey sex fans,

Welcome to another installment of Product Review Friday.

Today we feature a product from a new company; at least they’re new to us. Join us in welcoming the good people at Little Deeper to our review effort.

I love bringing you news of small, independent adult product companies. And if they are green and healthful, as is the Little Deeper, than that’s a huge plus in my book.

But don’t take my word for it, lets check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Ken & Denise, for their thoughts

Little Deeper —— $89.95

Ken & Denise
Denise: “This is our first posting of the new year and we have a wonderful product to tell you about. The Little Deeper is a practical, easy to use and easy to store cushion that makes partnered sex more fun and less strenuous.”
Ken: “In other words, the Little Deeper is sex furniture. We’ve reviewed a couple of other such products in the past; you can find those reviews HERE!  In fact, Denise and I had the dubious honor of reviewing one of them. And all I can say is, that product was horrible.”
Denise: “Yeah, I remember how frustrated we both were. I even hesitated when Dr Dick invited us to review the Little Deeper. I was afraid that we’d be disappointed again. But I am so glad that Dr Dick persisted, because I am happy to report that the Little Deeper is amazing. We love the fun play on words too.”
Ken: “It just goes to show you that really good things can come from a good company, one who is interested in health and wellbeing, not just cranking out junk for profit.”
Denise: “So you may be asking yourself, what exactly is the Little Deeper. Well, it’s an ergonomically shaped, sturdy foam cushion covered in a removable plush red polyester cover. And it comes in it’s own very smart black zip-up carrying case.”
Ken: “Let me quote from their promotional materials, because I couldn’t express it better. ‘This simple, nifty device lifts and supports a woman’s hips, positioning them in the perfect position for lovemaking. Using the Little Deeper, you can leave behind the toil and effort that can sometimes be associated with enduring sessions of lovemaking, and now perform various positions with more ease and comfort. The cushion is anatomically designed to fit all body types and sizes, and can result in increased pleasure for both partners. As the woman’s hips are tiled at an ideal angle for penetration, a man can plunge into her body more deeply, which means he can simultaneously stimulate her G-spot and give himself limitless access to pleasure. Ultimately, using the Little Deeper cushion can result in more intense, more long-lasting and even more frequent orgasms during vaginal, anal and oral lovemaking.’”
Denise: “What the promotional materials do not tell you is that the handy-dandy Little Deeper works equally well when Ken is on the bottom and I’m pegging the bejesus out of him.”
Ken: “TOTALLY! When Denise straps it on, I know I’m in for the ride of my life. To tell the truth, I think she’s a better top than me.”
Denise: “See how sweet you are, honey? I suppose I understand why all the images on the Little Deeper website show traditional heterosexual coupling. But I think they do themselves a disservice by doing only that. The Little Deeper is for everyone — gay boys and lesbians will love it too. I also think this cushion would be great for older lovers and the bigger-build people among us too.”
Ken: “You’ll never have to struggle with ordinary bed pillows to prop up your partner’s pelvis for a roll in the hay. And the best part is, this simple device leaves your hands free to further pleasure your partner. And it works with a variety of positions.”
Denise: “I want to return to something I said at the very beginning of this review, because it bears repeating. The Little Deeper is easy to store. We’ve seen some of the other sex cushions that are available in stores and online; they’re huge and unwieldy. And unless you have a designated playroom, where in the world would you store something like that? The Little Deeper, in its nondescript carrying case, fits easily and discreetly in our bedroom closet.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Get your wood the natural way!

Hey there sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday and I have the pleasure of welcoming yet another new company, LibidoStack, to our review effort.

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Mick, Carlos and I bring you the results of our experimentation.

LibidoStack —— $49.95 (10 capsules, one month supply)

Dr Dick: For review purposes, the manufacturer of LibidoStack sent me a package containing ten capsules in a tamperproof bubble-pack. The claim is that their all-natural herbal product is supposed to improve one’s sexual health and performance. This is equivalent to 10 doses — one capsule per dose. (My contact at LibidoStack tells me that a 10-pack is a month’s supply; a capsule every three days.)

Being the generous kinda guy that I am, I shared my LibidoStack stash with two of my fellow Dr Dick Review Crew members — Carlos and Mick. I gave my colleagues the lion share of the product. They both got four capsules equaling 4 doses. I used the remaining two myself. We will each take our turn reporting our findings. I’ll go first.

So what is LibidoStack exactly? The manufacturer says it’s a “…proprietary all natural male enhancement blend was researched and developed by our team of highly-acclaimed biochemists, and research analysts.” They claim their product will produce “…increased sexual pleasure, harder and longer lasting erections, and increased sex desire.”

The LibidoStack website list the ingredients, which they claim “consists of herbs, minerals, and amino acids.” They list the ingredients HERE! http://libidostack.com/index.php/how-it-works.html

I took the time to look up each and every ingredient listed. I found that the health benefits associated with these herbal extracts include — an increase in energy and virility; as well as antioxidant, anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties. So if nothing else, I figured my LibidoStack experience would not harm me in any way.

My experience — I used LibidoStack on two different occasions and followed the directions on the package each time — Take one capsule with warm water 60 minutes after a meal.

Before I continue, I must confess that I always approach products like this with a healthy dose of skepticism. And I’m always on the lookout for the placebo effect — the suggestion of an effect creates the effect. But I did have two opportunities to test this product over a span of 10 days so I would have had to be very suggestible for the placebo effect to play much of a role on both occasions. And I can tell you; I’m not that suggestible.

I am familiar with the effects of Viagra and its companion drugs, Levitra and Cialis. So I do have a frame of reference when it comes to judging the effects of herbal products, like LibidoStack. I can honesty say I was pleased with this product’s performance. It works by building up in your system as opposed to producing its effect immediately.

LibidoStack had a more gradual effect than the pharmaceuticals I’ve used, but that’s not a bad thing. What amazed me is that LibidoStack is as effective as any the medically prescribed drugs I’ve tested, but it is much kinder to my system. There were no headaches, unsightly flushes, upset stomach, rise in blood pressure or altered vision. This made me very happy indeed.

In doing reviews like this there is the danger of generalizing from one person’s experience. I want to avoid this by stating every human body is unique. Each of us metabolizes what we consume in a slightly different way. Keep this in mind if you try LibidoStack. The degree of erection, as well as the time it takes to get hard on this product (or any such product, including the pharmaceuticals) will depend on one’s age, overall health and the amount of sexual stimulation one is receiving.

Oh, and this is not an aphrodisiac, people! Wood is not gonna miraculously happen on it’s own.

I also want to be clear on another point — LibidoStack is not miracle potion. It will not override an unhealthy lifestyle. But it can positively effect one’s sexual response cycle; making arousal easier, which will make one a more confident lover.

I have a couple more thoughts that I will share at the end of this review. But now I want to bring in Carlos and Mick so that they can share their findings.

Mick: “I’m sold on LibidoStack. I’ve been having erections issues since my prostate cancer diagnosis. My doc believes the problem is all in my head. He can’t find any physical reason why the plumbing doesn’t work like it should, although I do have high blood pressure. So I can’t take Viagra because of that.
LibidoStackworked fine the first time, but better the fourth time I tried it. LibidoStack doesn’t come on like a freight train; it’s way more subtle than that. Like Dr Dick said, it really boosted my confidence. And if that’s all I needed, I’m a happy guy.”
Carlos: “I’m impressed too. LibidoStack exceeded my expectations.
I’ve tried several other herbal products in my time, because Viagra is so fuckin’ expensive. But none of the other products matched LibidoStack’s performance.
I do need to say, however, that I didn’t experience the effects of LibidoStack as quickly as did Mick. Of course, I’m a much bigger guy. I also took my first two doses an hour after a full meal, just as the package suggests. I took the other two doses on an empty stomach and it worked better.”
Mick: “I discovered that too. If I take LibidoStack on an empty stomach, the effect is more immediate.
Here’s another thing I noticed. After the second dose I started having nighttime boners, a lot of them. I would wake up from a sound sleep with a raging hardon. It was like it was in my 20’s.”
Carlos: “I had that happen to me too. At first I said, ‘whoa nelly!’ My wife was surprised as hell too. I hadn’t been feeling very randy for the last six months.”
Mick: “Yeah, my partner Chuck, noticed a difference right away too. I’m gonna guess that this stuff builds up in your system and maybe a maintenance dose is all ya ever need.
I was kidding with Chuck about those warnings you see on TV, the ones that say; ‘Warning: If you experience an erection for more than 4 hours, please seek medical assistance immediately.’ I told Chuck that if I had a boner that lasted 4 hours I wouldn’t call a doctor; I’d call a hustler!”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Sex Therapy—What Is It and Who Needs It? – Part 2

(Look for Part 1 of this series HERE!)

Of course, there are plenty of individuals—and couples—who haven’t waited until the last minute to seek help. These people want to be proactive about their concerns. Some people simply need some clear, unambiguous information about human sexuality. A surprising number of people are trying to piece together their sexual lives, but are hampered by misconceptions and misinformation.

Sometimes a momentous event motivates a person to address arising sexual or intimacy issues. The birth of a child, a disease process, a death in the family, or an accident can fundamentally alter the power dynamic of a relationship, which will require a rethinking of the entire relationship.

Or perhaps someone comes to a new realization about him or herself: Perhaps they are finally able to acknowledge their bisexuality, or that he’s gay, or she’s a lesbian. Maybe they are finally able to acknowledge a fetish—he’s a crossdresser, or she’s into another kink. Things like this obviously impact the individual, but if that person is in a relationship, the relationship is also affected. People in these self-revelatory situations are often unsure how to talk about their discoveries with a partner, which is another reason they seek counseling.

Some couples don’t fret when the sex vanishes from the relationship; other couples are devastated. What does one do when one partner still has sexual needs, but the other doesn’t? Often, there are unexplored options that can hold the relationship together, but will address the disparity in sexual interest and desire.

In this case, I can help the couple make compromises without losing their moral compass. Some couples navigate this with ease; others not so much. It can be extremely challenging, but there are ways to preserve what’s sacred about a primary relationship, while contemplating opening the relationship to include others. I can help a couple establish guidelines and ground rules for making the necessary adjustments.

Sometimes the relationship is really wonderful and fun. The couple really loves each other, but they’ve noticed their sex life together is pretty boring and stale. I’m often approached to simply help a couple spice things up. In this instance, my work is sheer joy. Mostly, I just give them permission to experiment and have fun.

You’ve probably noticed that a good portion of the work that I do as a sex therapist is merely giving permission. That may not sound like therapy at all, but when you consider that our sex-negative culture is so full of prohibitions; permission giving is often the front line of sexual rehabilitation. Most of the permissions I give are for an individual to educate him or herself about his or her body and his or her sexual response cycle. Personal exploration, such as masturbation, is the very best means to that education. I’m a huge proponent of partners masturbating together.

Happily, our need to reacquaint and reeducate ourselves about our bodies and our sexual response cycle is a life-long process. There is always something new to explore. As we age, our bodies change, and if we don’t keep up with those changes, we can become frustrated and disoriented. Older people, menopausal women and andropausal men, take longer to build up “a head of sexual steam,” so to speak. If they’re not attuned to the changes they’re going through, they can easily miss the important cues their body is sending to slow down and enjoy the sensuality.

Of course, I could go on and on, but now I want to leave you with what is the distillation of years my thinking about the role sexuality plays in our life:

I believe that sex is like food. We can enjoy it alone, or with others. We can be abstemious, or gluttonous. We can nosh or nibble; dine or devour. And we can be certain there will be both times of feast and famine.

Sex is like food. It can nourish and sustain us, or it can make us sick. We can consume all the available bounty, or restrict our diet. It can completely satisfy, or leave us devastatingly empty. We can employ it to express our highest aspirations, or allow it to rob us of our soul. We can give it as a gift, or use it as a weapon. It can be both bacchanal and sacrament.

One thing is for sure, whether purely physical or transcendentally spiritual, no one can live without food…or sex.

Got a Sex Question?
You’ve come to the right place.
Contact me here: questions@drdicksexadvice.com

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Give Dr Dick a call.
(866) 422-5680
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