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28 Realities of Long-Distance Dating

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long-distance-dating

In short, long distance sucks. It’s the suckiest of all possible sucks, and not always for the reasons you’d expect. You might think you’re going to miss your SO when you’re hanging out with your couple gang, or when you fancy a movie date, and you will, but it will be the moments of frustration — like when you’re trying to put the quilt cover back on — that you’ll find yourself in tears because you miss them so much.

My partner and I are on our second bout of LD. In a way it’s easier than the first time — I know the lonesome drill — and in other ways it’s harder — I thought I’d paid my dues! Here are 28 things you totally know to be true when your SO lives in another city.

  1. You know your best FaceTime angle and where in your house has the best lighting. Especially important if you’re going to be talking after you’ve washed your face.
  2. You spend even more time looking at your phone. Who even knew that was possible? You’ve also downloaded 15 new ways of communicating with each other: Words with Friends, WhatsApp, Viber, Facebook Messenger, Pair . . . and if you’re planning a wedding like us: Trello, Google Docs and Evernote.
  3. You feel like you’re in a relationship with your phone. It’s like he actually lives in your phone, because it’s the only place you see him. If you lose your phone, it’s like you’ve killed him.
  4. All your money goes to flights. And you’re booking the cheapest, nastiest airlines so you’re not even accumulating points.
  5. You have a similar dating life to that of the girls on The Bachelor. When the ladies were complaining that it was all or nothing with Richie you could totally relate. When you finally see your SO it’s all fancy dinners, romantic strolls and helicopter rides (OK, maybe not that bit) but then it’s back to the #nunlife.
  6. You can get a bit *cough* lazy with the personal grooming. Are legs really hairy if no one’s there to feel them?
  7. You have about five conversations that are just “checking in” and one during which you download all information and admin. Wake-up call, mid-morning coffee call, lunch call, 3 p.m. call, and the “I’m heading home” call put together don’t run longer than 2.5 minutes. 8 p.m. call goes for an hour.
  8. You enjoy the luxury of more space. In the wardrobe, in the bed, in the kitchen — who knew those stupid protein powders were preventing you from having a teacup collection?!
  9. You devour every girly series he vetoed. You’ve cried your way through the later seasons of Downton Abbey, got into Outlander, devoured every season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, rewatched Sex and the City — your Netflix has never looked so pink.
  10. You jam-pack your social calendar just to stop yourself feeling lonely. Exhausted and broke is better than lonely, right?
  11. You’re really happy when he’s having a good time without you, but also a teeny bit jealous. Shake it off girl.
  12. Your single mates like you so much more. You can stay out all night because no one’s waiting for you to come home and you’re basically chaste — you’re the ultimate wing-woman.
  13. You go back to having hours-long convos with your girlfriends. You know the kind you had in high school when time seemed to drag on forever? The downside of this is that time seems to drag forever.
  14. You get really good at mingling. Flying solo at a party for the first time in forever will actually make you feel awesome. You’re still fun. People still like you, see? Something you’ll recount to your partner later with the phrase, “I was the life of the party.”
  15. You say “yes” to a lot more. See above. Why would you not go to that Aztec party of a Facebook you forgot you had? You’re the life of the party.
  16. You become more sure of yourself. Jokes aside, it’s a huge confidence boost knowing you don’t need your dude with you to have a good time. You’re together because you want to be, not because you need to be. *sings “Independent Woman”*
  17. Time differences become your enemy. People will think you’re being a pathetic but even half an hour is annoying.
  18. Podcasts are your friend. Because your transit time is at an all-time high.
  19. You count down days like a kid waiting for Christmas. You literally mark them off the calendar like you’re in a ’90s Disney movie. Where did you even find a calendar?
  20. You get butterflies in your stomach when you’re about to see him. You’d kind of forgotten what it was like to be so nervous and excited at the same time.
  21. You get to discover another city. You’re going there so much that you learn where all the good cafes and bars are, and become a bit of an expert.
  22. People totally get it when you say you can’t do something because your SO is in town. The most you’re going to hear out of anyone that weekend is a love-heart emoji on your Insta pic. They’re just happy you’re together!
  23. You experience the most severe Sunday blues known to man. Your time together is over and it’s as if a group of Dementors have arrived for a sleepover.
  24. You do a lot more communicating. It’s all you’ve got, babe!
  25. You become more thoughtful. Because you know that a little note in his suitcase will brighten his whole day.
  26. You begin to appreciate him a lot. When you’re in each other’s face it’s easy to start taking each other for granted, but with a little distance you see, he’s amazing.
  27. You learn a lot more about yourself. If for no other reason than you’re spending a lot more time solo, making all the decisions. And yes, you do think a bowl of steamed broccoli followed by a block of Lindt chocolate is an adequate dinner.
  28. Your relationship will be stronger than ever. This is how I see it: when you start doing LD your relationship is like Goku, going into the Gravity Chamber to begin his training. It’s tough and at times he wants to go back to how things were, but he carries on and eventually he becomes super saiyan (blonde) and basically invincible.
     
    If Dragon Ball Z references are wasted on you, I’m basically saying, if you can make it through long-distance, you can make it through anything.

Complete Article HERE!

What Does Transgender Mean? Your Guide to Understanding Trans Terminology.

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what-does-transgender-mean-your-guide-to-understanding-trans-terminology

For this edition of Elle Oh Elle, I’ve enlisted the voice of Monika MHz, a Portland DJ and columnist. Monika is a trans woman, and she’s here to explain how you can make the world a better place by removing transphobia from your life.

Although ultimately impossible to measure precisely, a new study suggests that about 1.6 million Americans are transgender. Too often in the LGBT discussion, we focus on the LGB, and forget about the T.

Let’s broaden our discussion, to include all of our sex-positive brothers and sisters. It is perfectly OK to not yet be familiar with these terms — but as you seek to better understand the trans community, it helps to start by understanding some of the language. Here’s your starter guide.<

Transgender

Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe a person who does not identify specifically with their assigned gender from birth. There’s a big spectrum on this — not everyone falls into an entirely male or female category — meaning the term includes a lot of gray area.

Some people use the term “transgender” to include drag queens and all gender nonconforming folks; others don’t. Some trans folks hate the term; others don’t. “Trans” bridges some of that gap. “When in doubt,” Monika says, “just say ‘trans.’ It’s a baggage-free abbreviation, umbrella, and identity for a large percentage of the community — and won’t be read as offensive or rude. No one is gonna start a hashtag because you called me trans.”

Cisgender

Here’s a simple way to understand what it means to be cisgender:

ELLE: I’m a cisgender female; meaning I identify with the gender assigned to me at birth. I was raised as a female, and I identify as such.

MONIKA: I’m a trans woman. I was assigned male at birth, and I’m a woman. I’m also a DJ and a writer. I’m wicked hot — and you, dear reader, should treat me like people.

FTM, MTF

FTM is an acronym for “female-to-male” that refers to trans men who were assigned female at birth. Conversely, MTF is “male-to-female” and refers to trans women assigned male at birth. Some people find the term uncomfortable and don’t like to use it; others prefer it. You should always ask before these acronyms to describe an individual.

But how do you ask someone a question like this?

“It’s like asking any other personal question,” Monika says. “Don’t drop the bomb in the middle of discussing Stranger Things on Netflix. But if the topic comes up and you are struggling to find the right wording in your head, it’s OK to just ask: ‘I’m sorry, this might be wrong, but do you prefer FTM or is there a better term?’ Just use good judgment, be polite, and you’ll be fine. Always better to ask!”

LGBT, LGBQ, LGBTQA, TBLG

The above acronyms are used in reference to L) lesbian, G) gay, B) bisexual, T) transgender, Q) queer, and A) asexual or ally. But while we lump all these groups together into a single acronym (i.e., “the LGBT community”), it’s important to remember that each part of these acronyms represents a specific identity. Trans is overlooked too often, even as strides are made among the gay, bisexual, and lesbian communities. But some of that is (finally!) starting to shift, ever so slowly.

“Trans folks have been at the front of the LGBTQ equality movement from the start,” Monika says. “Trans women fought on the front lines of Stonewall and the Compton Cafeteria riots. As things got better for LGBQ folks, the T just seemed louder by comparison. Our stories, eventually, cut through the noise and it leads us to where we are now.

“An ‘ally’ is what you call yourself when you use the right pronoun for your trans friend, or when you retweet Laverne Cox. However, being an ally is more than just a few actions. Even if you don’t know a trans person, you can ally.” Write an email to your state and national government officials in support of employment protections for trans folks, or talk to your family about the humanity of trans folks. You can ally all over your family.

Pronouns

Pronouns are the parts of speech we use to describe the gender of people, pets, and sometimes boats and cars (if you’re into that sort of thing). She, he, and — if you’re non-binary, or genderqueer — they. If you don’t know someone’s gender, it’s really easy to just use “their/they.” Try it! People do it with babies all the time.

“Your cat is licking their paws.”

“That person with long hair is waiting for their cab.”

“People do it all the time in general,” Monika says. “Chicago style manual, Washington Post, and many other style guides recognize it as just plain useful. I have a friend who doesn’t like it for formal writing, but they’re wrong. See what I did there?”

Transition

It’s sort of just like it sounds. It’s usually referring to the medical and/or social puberty experienced by trans folks. It’s just like a young cis (non-trans) boy “transitions” from boyhood to manhood during puberty. You might hear someone tell you that they transitioned when they were 16, for example. That would give you some idea of their life experience.

Transphobia

“People often read this as ‘fear of trans people’ and sorta rightly so, given its etymological roots,” Monika says. “However, the way it’s used is more than just the fear or hate of trans people. It’s about the systemic and socially mediated ways in which society mistreats an entire class of people and how that impacts the way trans folks, and trans women in particular, are treated.”

Intersex

“This has nothing to do with being trans,” Monika says. “It’s a generalizing medical term to describe folks born with genetic, reproductive, and sexual anatomy differences that don’t fit the usual definitions of male and female. Some intersex people are trans, and others aren’t, but they are separate things.”

Genderqueer

Genderqueer is a sort of catchall umbrella term often used to describe gender non-conforming and trans folks who don’t feel like they fit into the male or female identity. Not everyone uses it, and some people identify as genderqueer and a woman or a man. It’s a messy world, and language is often inadequate to describe how folks feel.

In one stand-up routine, comedian Whitney Streed sums their experience as such: “I cut my hair [short], I dress and move about the earth in this particular fashion, because I need my gender to be baffling. Like I need it not to scan. I’ve thought about it, and I want all of my catcalls to end in question marks, that’s what I’m going for. I want my gender to be something like a crossword puzzle. Because you are gonna work on this the entire bus ride to work. Just taking in all the clues, thinking about it. You get there, you think to yourself, ‘Did I get all of that right?’ –That’s me! I am the New York Times Sunday crossword of gender.”

Queer

In the same way some sex-positive people like myself refer to themselves as a slut, most younger LGBTQ people are happy to call themselves “queer” in an effort to reclaim the connotations of the word.

“It’s a term some LGBT folks forged out of an anti-gay slur,” Monika says. “Usually only referring to sexuality, I like to use it to describe my sexuality and not my gender. Some people, though, identify as queer rather than trans. [But] it can be very offensive to some people, especially gay men of older generations.”

Cross-dresser

Everyone is a cross dresser and everyone isn’t. Basically it’s all about social context. Women wear suits all the time now, but at a different time we might have called that cross-dressing.

Nowadays, people seem to use it to exclusively refer to men who wear clothing and makeup deemed too feminine for a man. It’s a ridiculous term past its prime.<

Gender identity

Gender identity is defined as the personal experience of one’s own gender. Which seems vague, but that’s fine.

“Sometimes it [gender identity] can feel less solid,” Monika says. “I don’t just identify as Latina, I am Latina. I am a woman.”

To cut through the confusion, just go with the gender an individual identifies as. A person with a vagina who identifies as a man, is a man. A person with a penis identifying as a woman, is a woman.

Trans man

This is a catchall usually used for trans people assigned female at birth who are men. Sometimes they have gone through — or are planning to go through — some medical interventions to enhance their comfort with their bodies.

Sometimes, people use the term to refer to people who don’t identify with manhood. These are individual cases.

Trans woman

See above. This usually refers to people assigned male at birth who are women. “Trans women” is also sometimes used as a term for all trans people who were assigned male at birth.

Tranny

For both uses of trans, is it OK to use the term “tranny”?< "You’re allowed to say any word, sure," Monika says. "But it’s probably ill-advised to skip down the street dropping the 'T' all day. Not only are you likely to ruin someone’s day, but you’ll likely sound like a clueless relic. So, unless you want to be a wanker, hold off on the 'T-word'... unless you’re a trans woman. It’s sort of 'our word.'” Same goes for “transvestite.” It’s archaic, and should be left to the script of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

“Back in the ’90s,” Monika says, “there were these insufferably fine distinctions drawn between different types of transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. ‘Transvestite’ was a diagnosis from the DSM IV codes for mental illness — that has since been removed — used to describe folks who fetishized cross-dressing. If you identify as a man, and wearing lingerie while jerking off sounds like an ideal Sunday activity, then at that time you would have been considered a transvestite. These distinctions have largely fallen out of use, or fashion, or whatever. No one is really using this term anymore.”

Sex, sexuality, and gender are a larger ingredient to the recipe of a society. And human rights are an integral part of an ethical nation — but it all starts with our ability to communicate with each other. Asking questions, showing compassion, and seeking understanding: this is how we elevate our culture to a better place.

Complete Article HERE!

More of The Erotic Mind of Stan Cole — Podcast #408 — 02/24/14


Hey sex fans,

Ya know what? Last week I was so excited to introduce you to my guest that I completely forgot to mention that stan cole2last week’s podcast marked my 7th anniversary of podcasting. Holy Cow, that’s a lotta podcasting. Hurray for me and all the people who, by their generous donations, make this fun, interesting, and informative sex positive resource available world-wide.

And what better example of the kind of stuff you will find in my podcasts than this The Erotic Mind show. And what better example of the fascinating artists you will find on this show than the very talented, Stan Cole. Who just so happens to be here for Part 2 of his conversation with us about his delightful work.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our chat or his first slide show, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #407 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Stan and I discuss:

  • Idealized masculinity and including men of color;
  • What drives his erotic creativity;
  • His fondness for spooge;
  • Developing trends in erotic art;
  • Art and porn;
  • What is erotic in art;
  • Erotic art and personal eroticism;
  • What he looks for in the erotic art of others;
  • Artists who inspires him;
  • Advice for the novice erotic artist.

Stan invites you to visit him on his website HERE! Buy his work HERE! Look for him on Tumblr HERE! And Twitter HERE!

Click on the thumbnail images below to see another slideshow of Stan’s smutty work.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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The Erotic Mind of Stan Cole — Podcast #407 — 02/17/14


Hey sex fans,photo (20)

We’re on a roll with The Erotic Mind show. For the last two weeks, we spent some time visiting with a well-established literary artist from Portland, OR. Today we travel to England to visit with an up and coming visual artist. I am pleased to welcome the very talented artist and illustrator, Stan Cole.

Stan and I discuss:

  • His passion for his work;
  • Letting his work speak for itself;
  • Who is Stan Cole;
  • Getting a degree in doodling;
  • His nom de smut;
  • Lots of cum shots;
  • Interacting with his fans;
  • Commissions;
  • The distinction between artist and illustrator;
  • Comparing his erotic and non-erotic art;
  • The possibility of future collaborations;
  • His interest in comics;
  • The influence of pop culture.

 

Stan invites you to visit him on his website HERE! Buy his work HERE! Look for him on Tumblr HERE! And Twitter HERE!

Click on the thumbnail images below to see a slideshow of some of Stan’s delightful work.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

 

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

More of The Erotic Mind of Stan Keetley — Podcast #324 — 03/12/12


Hey sex fans,

The brilliant erotic photographer with a pedigree, Stan Keetley, returns to The Erotic Mind series today. He and I had such a good time together last week that I simply had to have him come back for more this week. And we pick up where we left off last Monday.

But wait; you didn’t miss Part 1 of our conversation, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you will find it and all of my shows in the podcast archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the site’s search function in the header, type in podcast #323 and Voilà! But don’t forget to use the #sign when you do your search.

Stan and I discuss:

  • Where he finds his models;
  • Erotic art and porn;
  • The artistic value in the erotic and in porn;
  • Comparing the social mores of his dad’s age and his age;
  • The disappearing mystery and magic of the nude;
  • The feedback he gets from his fans;
  • Shooting on film and shooting digitally;
  • Strong confident and empowered women in their knickers;
  • What he looks for in the erotic art of others.

For more of Stan, be sure to visit his blog HERE! Look for his and his father’s work HERE! Look for him on Facebook HERE! And follow him on Twitter HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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