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Too pooped to pop

Name: Djon
Gender: Male
Age: 54
Location:
I’m a 54-year-old man, who 3 years ago managed to finally come out and live the life I so desperately longed for all my life. My question — is there a biological clock in men like the issues women have to deal with in menopause. During the last years of my marriage there was no sex life other than with myself. Now I’m living a fantastic life, with a great man who I love very much. I know there is more to life than sex but now that I’m finally able to express myself physically with a man my ability to perform is just not working.

I’ve tried Viagra and such years ago. They used to work in maintaining an erection, it was just by myself, but I always had fun. The headache’s and discomforts from the meds bring up the question — do I really want to take this?

But now the med’s don’t even help, and as for my libido it suffers with my lack of ability. I’ve been tested for testosterone levels and they say I’m right where I should be at for my age. I’ve seen two doctors about the issue and when they find out my partner’s sex they don’t want to deal with it and seem to just pass it off as an age thing.

I’m in fairly decent good shape, I exercise 3 – 4 days a week at the gym, can you send me any advice on a path to take.

A little frustrated: Djon

A little frustrated? Holy cow, darlin’, you sound a lot frustrated. I don’t blame ya. You finally find what’s been missing throughout your whole life only to discover that your plumbing is now givin’ out on you. Ain’t that a bitch! And before I continue I want to tell you and all the other alternative lifestyle people in my audience, don’t settle for a sex-negative physician no matter what. Dion, find yourself a sex-positive doctor that will look beyond your choice of partner and give you the respect you deserve! Damn, I hate shit like that.

andropause2258You raise an interesting question about the aging process when you ask if men experience something similar to menopause in women. The short answer is — yeah, you betcha! In fact, it even has a name; andropause.  I’ve written and spoken extensively about this very subject. Here’s what I want you to do. Look for the CATEGORIES section in the sidebar, look for the category — AGING. There you will find everything I’ve written and said about Andropause, and Sex and Aging.

You’ll find a whole lot more information there than I can put together for you in this posting. However, I can offer you an overview. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has started to pay attention to the impact changing hormonal levels have on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!

Every man will experience a decrease testosterone, the “male” hormone, as he ages. This decline is gradual, often spanning ten to fifteen years on average. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

And listen, when a physician says that your testosterone level falls within an acceptable range, he/she isn’t telling you much. Let’s just say you had an elevated level of testosterone all your life, till now. Let’s say that you now register on the lower end of “acceptable”. That would mean that you’ve had a significant loss in testosterone. But your doctor wouldn’t know that, because he has no baseline for your normal testosterone level to begin with.andropause

There is no doubt that a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more pronounced too.

Andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Just know that most medical professionals, like yours, Dion, resist testosterone therapy. Some mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer. Even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. I encourage you to be fully informed about TRT before you approach your doctor, your new sex positive doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively — by you and your doctor.

Finally, getting the lead back in your pencil, so to speak, may simply be an issue of taking more time with arousal play. Don’t expect to go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds like you once did. Also, use a cockring.  But most of all, fuckin’ relax, why don’t cha already. Your anxiety is short-circuiting your wood, my friend. And only you can stop that.

Good luck

Shorty & Cutie

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday again. Today we feature our third, and last review of the Toyfriend line. We have two vibes on tap for you today.

But wait! You didn’t miss our earlier Toyfriend reviews, did you? Well not to worry if you did, because you can find it and all our reviews on DrDickSexToyReviews.com. Use the search function in the header, type in “Toyfriend” and VOILÀ!

Dr Dick Review Crew members, Jack & Karen are here to tell us about their new toy.

Cute Toyfriend —— $22.68
Shorty Toyfriend —— $40.25

Jack & Karen
Karen: “Jack and I have two vibes to tell you about today. Both come from Toyfriend. I think I can safely categorize both as small, pocket-sized personal vibrators. But despite their diminutive size, they are distinctive in terms of design and function.”
Jack: “Both Karen and I were impressed with the reviews our fellow Review Crew members gave the two other Toyfriend vibes that we’ve featured over the past few weeks. This company gets high marks for innovation and creativity.”Cute
Karen: “I want to introduce you to our first Toyfriend, Cute. It has a very unique design. In fact it is the most distinctive toy I own. Its broad flat head, as well as its stalk is covered in beautiful, warm-to-the-touch 100% silicone. It’s easy to grip, even with lubed fingers. Cute is a G-spot vibe, so it’s meant to be inserted. However, I found I liked it best as an external vibe. The edge of the broad flat head was ideal for clit stimulation.”
Jack: “Since Karen was having difficulty using the Cute on herself internally. I asked if I might give it a try. As it turned out, it was much easier for me to maneuver Cute into place than it was for her to do so. Besides, I know where her G-spot is.”
Karen: “Sometimes that’s how it is, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s nice to just lay back and be taken care of instead of taking care of one’s self. Cute is not a particularly powerful vibe; it runs on a battery. And happily, the first battery is included in the package. Thanks Toyfriend! However, the battery they chose for this vibe is unusual. It’s an N-type, 1.5W battery. We couldn’t use any of our stock of traditional sized batteries with this vibe. For some this will be a deal breaker. In fact, we had to search several stores to find a replacement.”
Jack: “I have to agree. I have to wonder why Toyfriend chose that battery size as opposed to a more traditional AAA battery. That issue aside, Cute is waterproof so it can be enjoyed in the shower or bath. We have one of those oversized bathtubs in our master bathroom so Karen and I start many of our play sessions in the bath. I can’t think of anything more soothing than a soak, it really gets me in a sensual mood. I was able to use Cute externally on myself too. It’s a tickler, ya know. Its broad flat head delivers a tingly sensation to my nipples, dick head, balls, and butthole. I couldn’t quite insert it in my ass, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. I guess I need something more tapered.”
Karen: “I think that Jack liked Cute more than I did, which is perfectly fine with me. Next up is Shorty. I had to laugh the first time I saw this vibe. It’s a stylized rabbit vibe. Again, kudos for the distinctive design, but what struck me most is that it looks like a rabbit with a huge, obscene erection.”Toyfriend-Shorty
Jack: “It does; it’s comical! There are many similarities between these two toys. Shorty, like its Cute cousin, is covered from head to toe in beautiful silicone. It’s also battery operated, same funky size battery too. It’s as quiet as its cousin and it is waterproof too. It’s also a G-spot vibe. But ya know what? This one works on my P-spot. Because of it’s tapered ‘appendage.’ For lack of a better term, I was able to slip it right in my ass.”
Karen: “I’m certain that Jack got off on Shorty way more than I did. The overly stylized shape didn’t work for me and my G-spot. The bullet style vibrator delivers gentle stimulation. If that’s your bag, or you’re just starting out as a vibrator user, you’ll really like Shorty.”
Jack: “Both of our new toys, Shorty and Cute, are ideal for sharing. The fact that they are waterproof and sheathed in nonporous silicone makes sanitizing these puppies easy as pie. Mild soap and warm water is fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. After you wipe it down rinse in warm water and let it air dry. But we both were so confident of the quality of these toys that we dropped each of them in boiling water for a couple of minutes and even ran them through a cycle in the dishwasher to completely sanitize them. Both toys weathered this treatment no problem at all.”
Karen: “There’s no doubt about it, these are well designed and carefully crafted pleasure products. I want to call attention to the minimalist packaging. It’s fun, and there’s nothing ostentatious about it. Both vibes come with their own clear plastic stand. Very nice!”
Jack: “There’s lots to recommend these adorable toys. Just remember they are pocket-sized. Neither one is gonna deliver the vibration of a full-sized vibrator.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Sit and Stay…Longer

Podcasting will resume next week Monday with a swell Q&A Show. Today, however, I want to pay tribute to my long-time companion, Ginger The Dog, who died last Friday, one month shy of her 14th birthday. She was so much a part of my life that she often appeared in my posting and provided sound effects in numerous podcasts. Here’s one such posting, re-posted from January 2005. This particular column remains one of my most popular postings ever.

 

 

Anyone the least bit familiar with Dr Dick’s wacky household will know all about Ginger. For the uninitiated, Ginger is a 5 year old German Shorthair Pointer, who believes she’s the center of the universe and who daily runs the good doctor into the ground.24604.jpg Ginger is special. She’s no one’s pet — least of all mine.

She doesn’t even think of herself as a dog — except when she forgets herself and takes off after a squirrel or a rabbit. And she makes a point of reminding me, several times a day, that she doesn’t “belong” to me. Rather, it is I who have the great privilege to share a domicile with her. I tell you all of this by way of introducing today’s topic. No, it’s not bestiality, ferchrisake! It’s behavior modification and sexual response. Ya know — learning how to last longer.

Here we’ll discuss the remedy for that pesky premature ejaculation problem everyone is talking about. Ginger was a year and a half old when she moved in and took over the joint. She had been abandoned and was, for all intents and purposes, completely feral when she arrived. Once here, Dr Dick tried to imprint a more civilized behavior pattern on his new housemate using several tried and true dog-training methods. Which, for all intents and purposes, are simply behavior modification techniques for doggies.

Successful behavior modification is dependent on the consistency of the stimulus. Consistent stimuli — a command and a treat — are supposed to create the desired response —sitting and staying. Sadly, this approach wasn’t overly successful for Ginger and me. In fact, about the only one who got trained/modified was Dr Dick. Ginger remains blissfully resistant to all efforts to civilize her.

The following correspondents, we hope, will succeed in modifying their sexual response with greater ease than my attempts to train Ginger The Dog. What differentiates them from the dog is that each of my correspondents has the motivation to change. Ginger, on the other hand, has no such motivation. She thinks she’s perfect just the way she is.

Hey Doc,I have a major problem that I hope I could get some advice from you. It’s about my sexual issue. Whenever I’m having sex, I can’t control my nerves. It means I can’t relax. And I come too fast and rapidly. I can’t have foreplay or enjoy sex. Do you know any medications or anything that would help me to prevent this? I guess my problem is what people called “premature ejaculation”. I can ejaculate rapidly, at first I thought it was really good. But later I figured out that wasn’t good. And that it’s a sickness. Please help me. Hope to hear from you soon.Thanks Dylan

Hey Dylan,Your premature ejaculation concern is not a sickness. In fact, it’s a very common complaint. Learning to last longer is a relatively easy thing to accomplish if that’s really what you want. Motivation is key.Let’s start with how you jack-off. If I had to guess these little sessions are speedy affairs, right? Quick jack-off sessions, just to relieve sexual tension can be a good thing, but they are also modifying your sexual response and interfering with your partnered pleasure.

Premature_Ejaculation_ManIf your body is being sensitized to cuming quickly, like while jerkin’-off, then that’s how it will respond later, when you are at play with a partner.I suggest that you take a different approach to your self-pleasuring activity. Some, if not all, of your masturbation should be dedicated to full body masturbation. That is, while you’re diddlin’ yourself with the one hand, your other hand is busy exploring the rest of your body. The object is to play with the sex tension and move it around. Some people call this edge play or edging.

The object here is to avoid an ejaculation. Move the sexual energy all over your body, touch and pleasure your whole body while stroking you cock. A nice massage lotion will add to the enjoyment. Make this time last as long as you can. As you approach the point of ejaculation, stop stroking your dick and continue to play with another part of your body, your tits, ass hole, prostate, feet, etc. When the urge to cum subsides, you can start to stroke your dick again. Practice this method over and over until you can last 30 minutes.

Successful behavior modification is dependent on the consistency of the stimulus.5431362.jpg Consistent stimuli — full body masturbation — will create the desired response — lasting longer.You are teaching your body a new way to respond to sexual stimulation. This will no doubt also increase your stamina when you’re with a partner. When you’re having sex with a partner do the same thing as when you are masturbating. Encourage your partner to spread the sexual energy around. Discourage her/him from concentrating on your dick. Work at stalling your orgasm. If you’re getting close to cuming, have him/her turn his/her attention to another pleasurable activity.

Don’t get frustrated if you can’tt regain control over your sexual response right away. This is gonna take some practice, but I think it’s worth the effort. Once you mastered this technique, there are other more advanced methods that I can tell you about later.Good luck.

Hi Richard,

My question is in two parts. 1. How can I orgasm more quickly? 2. How can I orgasm easily when someone else is doing the stimulation?I know this question might sounds strange because many guys are trying to not cum too quickly.Here’s some background; over the years, I have gotten very in-touch with my physical sexual side. I have learned control the build up to orgasm and my orgasm. Having this control is amazing for the most part — it allows long periods of edge play, which I really enjoy.

However, the disadvantage is that I can’t easily orgasm quickly and usually can’t orgasm at all when someone else is doing the stimulation. These two limitations haven’t been a big concern until recently. My orgasm isn’t necessarily the most important part of sex for me. Unfortunately, many times my limitations are disappointing to a sex partner. He wants to see me cum and/or wants to make me cum. Both of these desires are totally understandable — I really enjoy doing the same for him.Is it possible for me to “learn” to cum more quickly and is it possible to “learn” how to cum from the stimulation of someone other than myself? Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Jim

Hey Jim,

What an interesting predicament you present. As you suggest, I’m forever hearing from guys who have the opposite problem as you. They what to prolong their sex play before 180402.jpgcoming. Your message to me proves my point to them; our sexual response is altered, for good or for worse, by how we stimulate ourselves.Curious enough, the answer to your query resides in the detail you present about your particular sexual practices. Clearly, you have conditioned your body, and thus your sexual response cycle, to last a very long time, perhaps too long. I guess that’s the downside of long periods of edge play.

How does one remedy this? Gosh, you’ve conditioned yourself so successfully; there may be little you can do to reverse this.

Orgasms, as you know, are not things we can will to happen or not to happen. However, you could try to find a stroke or a type of stimulation that you could use to successfully bring yourself to climax. Concentrate on that stroke with the intention of getting yourself off ASAP. You would then have to show your partner(s) this technique if you wanted them to get you off. Just a thought, does ass play and prostate massage speed up your orgasm? It does for lots of other men. So if you’re not already doing so, perhaps you could incorporate some…or more of this.

What you’re gonna want to do here is reverse some of the conditioning you’ve done and relearn a new sexual practice or response. It can be done. Will it take determination? You betcha!

Good luck

Short Fuse

Name: Marcos
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Location: new york city
I may have premature ejaculation, meaning after I’m exited I can’t hold it in (ejaculation) for more than a couple of minutes, which worries me regarding the pleasure I can provide… Suggestions, other than the eventual doctor visit?

The curious thing about premature ejaculation is that what constitutes “premature” is pretty subjective. Some men report that they can only last a minute or two, others say they can last only 15 minutes, but all consider themselves as premature ejaculators. I’m not trying to suggest that PE is a figment of one’s imagination, on the contrary. Any guy who isn’t satisfied with the control he has, or does not have, over his ejaculation may fall into this general category. In the same way, lasting longer, whatever longer, might mean is a relatively easy thing to accomplish. All ya gotta do is work at prolonging the pleasure.premature-ejaculators-anonymous

Let’s start with how you jack-off, Marcos. If I had to guess these sessions are speedy little affairs, right? A quick wank just to relieve sexual tension is a good thing, but if that’s all the self-pleasuring you do it will interfere with your partnered pleasure later. Look at it this way, if you body is sensitized to cumin’ quickly like while jerkin’ off just relieve tension, then that’s how it’ll respond later, when you’re with a partner.

I suggest that you reevaluate your self-pleasuring activity. Most, if not all, of your masturbation should be dedicated to full body masturbation. The object in this kind of masturbation is to play with the sex tension that develops in self-pleasuring and to delay the your ejaculation for as long as you can.

Here’s how it works, as you become turned on you build up sexual tension. I want you to move the sexual energy all over your body as you stroke your cock. Touch and pleasure your whole body — feet, nipples, asshole, what have you. Make the pleasure last as long as you can. As you approach the point of ejaculation, stop stroking your dick and concentrate your play on the other parts of your body. When the urge to cum subsides, you can start to stroke your dick again. Do this over and over till you can last 30 minutes. By the way, some people refer to this as edging or edge play — coming to the edge of cuming and then backing away. Get it? Got it? Good!

Premature_Ejaculation_ManThe purpose of this exercise, I mean besides the joy of gettin’ off on your whole body, is to teach your body a different way to respond to cock stimulation. If you practice this method conscientiously it will increase your sexual stamina when you’re with a partner too.

I also have in mind a swell sex toy that will help you overcome your premature ejaculation. I discovered the ideal device to help you or anyone else that wants to last longer. As you may already know I have a product reviews site, cleverly named: DrDickSexToyReviews.com.  I post reviews of all kinds of adult products — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. I reviewed the Fleshlight way back in 2007.

To make a long story short, the Fleshlight is, as I said, is a male masturbator, but a very unique one. I wrote in my review:icejack.jpg

“I always like to take my time with a new toy. Ya know, to get a sense of how the thing works and feels. This was particularly the way to go with the Fleshlight. Masturbating with one of these puppies has several advantages to your basic hand job. First, there is a delightful silkiness, and a tight consistent pressure on your cock throughout each stroke. In this regard pluggin’ a Fleshlight is very different than pluggin’ any human orifice I know. But that’s not a bad thing, mind you. Consider the guy who is dealing with premature ejaculation, for example. I’m positive that if he used a Fleshlight to train himself to last longer, he’d have way more success than if he just used his hand. This is an ideal device for practicing delaying one’s orgasm. And you can bank on that!”

Now when you’re having sex with your partner; do the same thing as when you’re doing your full-body masturbation. Spread the sexual energy around. Don’t focus on your pud. Concentrate on stalling your orgasm through the techniques you learned in your self-pleasuring. If you’re getting close to cumin’, pull out of penetration till you regain control; then reinsert.

This is going to take some practice, but I think it’s worth the effort. Once you mastered this there are other more advanced techniques that I can turn you on to.

One final thing, if you are concerned about the amount of pleasure you can provide, short fuse or not, I always encourage the men I work with in my private practice to look to pleasuring their partners before they even get warmed up themselves. But even after you cum, you still have a mouth and hands and fingers with witch to pleasure your partner, so there’s never an excuse to leave a partner unsatisfied regardless of your own sexual response cycle.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Sex EDGE-U-cation with Tonya Jone Miller — Podcast #370 — 04/03/13


Hey sex fans, welcome back!TJM01

Buckle your seat belts, because we’re in for one hell of a ride. Coming up is a new edition of the Sex EDGE-U-cation show. And by now I’m sure you know this is the series that takes a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative lifestyles and we do so with a remarkably talented people from all over the freakin’ world, don’t cha know.

My guest today is phone sex performer Tonya Jone Miller. She is an educator, sex positive activist and, of course, a self-identified sex worker. She’s brilliant and kinky, and if that weren’t enough, she’s got a big, brassy sense of humor that’ll knock you out.

Tonya and I discuss:

  • Being an Aural Courtesan;
  • Imagination and sex;
  • Mutual satisfaction in her work;
  • Verbalizing sex and eroticism for sexual health;
  • On the road with rock bands;
  • Acting school;
  • Sexual triggers and taboos;
  • Fantasy and reality;
  • The “gateway drug” theory;
  • Her gift of acceptance;
  • Her woman clients;
  • The infidelity question.

You’ll find more about Tonya on her website HERE! Her FetLife page HERE! On her Facebook page HERE! And, by all means, do not miss her Twitter feed HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

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