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Now what?

Name: Jen
Gender:
Age: 25
Location: Florida
I am a young and attractive female with a great personality and many friends, but when it comes to men… I just don’t get it. I date many guys, but I can’t seem to get a guy into a relationship. I wont have sex with a guy unless we’re a “couple”, but the men I date seem to be turned off by this fact and don’t stay in the picture for long. In the past, I would have sex with guys I dated, but it would always end as soon as a relationship was mentioned. Any tips on how to get a guy to stick around without having to put out?

Basically men are pigs, darling. They want what they want, when and how they want it. (And just for the record, you appear to be just like most men, right? You have a very strict notion about how things should be and you wanna have it just that way.)

Nowadays the men folk don’t think it’s necessary to commit to a relationship just to get laid. The marketplace, so to speak, is brimming over with less encumbered pussy.

Now, far be it from me to suggest that you change your behaviors or value system. But you might want to take a look at why you are using sex as a lure? Maybe you’re good in bed, but not great relationship material. Or it might be that you are simply fishing in the wrong hole, so to speak.

Try connecting with a good fundamentalist Christian boy or one of them fine Mormon missionaries that are always floating around in pairs. They’re generally cute as the dickens in their white shits and black ties. And they will probably have a similar outlook as you as to the proper place for sex.

However, you may also discover that men with more traditional values about sex also have very traditional notions about the place of women in a marriage. Ya know, like barefoot and pregnant. You may even find that one of these more traditional types will do you one better by insisting that there be no nookie till you convert and get married in the church or temple.

In other words, beware of what you wish for; you may actually get it!

Good luck

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

You betcha, darlin’! Let me call your attention to Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Click on the Video On Demand tab in the header. This will take you to the library’s start page. Once inside you’ll find everything your little hearts could desire in terms of guides for the budding perv. In particular, I’d like to call your attention to the series put out by the ever popular, Nina Hartley.

Nina is one of the most recognized and respected people in the adult industry. She is as well known for her outspoken support of the industry as she is for her more than 600 adult titles. Nina established herself as one of the top porn stars of the 80’s. Her success continued strong in the 90’s when she did some of her best work. Today she uses her position as one of the world’s most popular adult stars to advocate sex education and sexual freedom among couples and singles.

Look for: Nina Hartley’s Guide To The Perfect OrgyNina Hartley’s Guide To Stripping For Your PartnerNina Hartley’s Guide To Sex For The Bi-Curious WomanNina Hartley’s Guide To Foot FunNina Hartley’s Guide To Strap-On SexNina Hartley’s Guide To SpankingNina Hartley’s Guide To Double PenetrationNina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual DominationNina Hartley’s Guide To Couples SexplorationNina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes  and Nina Hartley’s Guide To Bondage Sex. Just to name a few.

These handy dandy guides demystifies the particular fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring, and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. And the visuals…well they will tantalize and inspire.

If Missy Nina doesn’t cover the particular kink that you are looking for, just do a search for the particular fetish you’re curious about. You’ll find just about everything at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Try search terms like: bondage, discipline, role-play, tickling, tit play, costumes, cock and ball torture, fetish, cross-dressing, diaper and medical play. The list goes on and on.

And the best part of all of this is that you’ll be able to view these videos by the scene, or in their entirety. Heck, you can even download to own. And you do it all from the comfort and security of your own computer. Simply put there’s no better way to become a big fat pervert than indulging in Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

Good luck

First Time, Every Time

Name: Julie
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Location: Kentucky
I am a virgin. I am also just asking. How do I keep my first time from hurting? Some say lubrication in excess, but I am very small.

Yep, lots of lube is important — first time and every time.

But there is so much more you can do to prepare yourself for your first fuck. Begin by knowing your body and your sexual response cycle.

Is it safe to assume, even though you are a virgin to full-on fucking, that you are familiar with masturbation? If not, darling, that’s where you should start. If you enjoy pleasuring your body to orgasm, you will likely know the kind of stimulation you need to achieve full arousal. This is precisely the information you will want to pass on to your partner before the first fuck-fest begins as well as throughout the event.

The more you know about your body and the mysteries of your particular sexual response cycle the smoother things will go for you and your partner. Nowadays there is absolutely no need for anyone to come to their first partnered sexual encounter uninformed about sex in general and his or her sexuality in particular.

There are three main reasons why a women might experience pain during fucking — for the first time or anytime: 1) She is inexperienced. 2) Her partner is inexperienced or doesn’t know the first thing about mutual pleasuring, 3) She is not fully aroused. Right away you can see how a familiarity with your body in general and your pussy in particular will short-circuit at least two of the three main reasons right away. And while you can’t account for the sexual prowess of your partner, you will be able to direct him/her on how to touch and make love to you. And that, my dear, takes care of the third main reason.

One other thing, a lot of women don’t relax during sex…thus discomfort…because they worry about becoming pregnant. If you’re not well versed on the main methods of contraception and actually using one of them, you’re not ready to have sex. And one other thing, sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for both you and your partner. Don’t be a fuck-up; make sure your partner always uses a condom.

Name: Rocket Man
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Nashville
Big Dr. Dick, Between busy work schedules, traveling and such, I haven’t had much time for sex. It was actually about a 5-week span without sex or masturbation. When my wife and I finally got together I was built up big time. I knew my response would be quick and my load would likely triple its normal oozeage. Being that it had been so long, there was not much foreplay…we just wanted to get down to the hardcore humping.

I was sitting on a couch and she climbed on top. On her 3rd down stroke, I blew like a Friday afternoon work whistle. She shot off my cock back first into the coffee table, broke it in half and received a few splinters in her ass! Should we replace this piece of furniture, or should I just make her kneel on the floor and rest my legs on her when she’s done sucking me off in the future?

You Nashville folks have all the fun! You get extra points for making me laugh. Perhaps all ya need is sturdier furniture.

PS: don’t be surprised if I steal this: “I blew like a Friday afternoon work whistle.” That’s just downright hilarious.

Name: Colleen
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Location: California
I have noticed lately that I am way more horny than normal. It is like I can’t get enough and the slightest touch gets me going. Also my natural smell from my vagina seems to be extra strong lately and sometimes after my husband and I have sex I have a clear but chunky discharge. I regularly with use Summer’s Eve wash and I have never smelled so strong as I do now. I feel like I am a dog in heat. What is wrong with me?

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? Simply put, you’re 28 and you’re as randy as all get-out, darling. Sounds like you’re pert-near feral. If you were in the wild your super-strong odor would attract males from far and wide, each and every one wanting to satisfy your vixen lusts. Good for you!

And here’s a tip: quit with the over the counter douches, already, especially the ones with the fragrances. Despite the perceived benefits of douching, there is growing evidence that any potential health benefit may be outweighed by risks of douching with such products.

Douching upsets the vaginal environment in a number of ways. It shifts the pH, causes direct irritation and inflammation of the vaginal mucosa (the delicate lining of your pussy), and it washes away the good bacteria. So do not douche.

It can also drive bad bacteria up into the uterus and increase the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease. Women who douche, even infrequently are much more prone to the common vaginal infection, Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). All ‘feminine hygiene products’ (suppositories, sprays, cleansers, etc) are useless, potentially disruptive, totally unnecessary and a waste of your money. Also avoid any strong chemicals, such as deodorant soaps, anti-bacterial soaps, strongly perfumed soaps or body washes as they can all have negative effects on the beneficial flora and lead to infections and irritation.

And that “clear but chunky discharge” you’re having after the hubby bones you? If your pussy is healthy, Doll, I’d be willing to guess that’s his spooge drippin’ out of your cunt. Ahhh, youth! But if you think otherwise, why not have a physician take a look.

Good Luck, ya’ll!

Touched for the very first time…

Virginity is a very touchy issue in just about every culture. Curiously enough, it’s almost always exclusively about female virginity. This woeful double standard gives rise to emotional conflicts for both genders. But again, it is young women and girls who bear the brunt of it.

Let’s begin with Katelyn who’s 18 years old:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We’ve just started talking about having sex even though we both took a virginity pledge through our church. We love each other very much and plan on getting married in a couple of years. If we are practically engaged do you think having sex now would be like breaking our promise?

I’m pretty sure that the creators of all those “abstinence only” and “virginity pledge” programs out there like to think they’re keeping kids like you safe from the unforeseen consequences of sex. I’d probably have less of a problem with them if they didn’t have at their base some pretty rank scare tactics.

Scaring people away from sex is a time-honored means of controlling people.

If you have sex, you well surely get a disease!

If you have sex, you will surely get pregnant!

If you have sex, you will be breaking the commandments and you’ll go to hell!

If you have sex, you will be a slut and no one will want to marry you!

And my all-time favorite: If he gets the milk for free, why would he buy the cow?

These sex-negative messages only frighten, intimidate and instill guilt. They certainly don’t teach people how to behave knowledgeably and responsibly. And they do absolutely nothing to prepare even those who wind up honoring their pledge of abstinence for the inevitable sex life they’ll have later in life. And that to my mind is criminal. Young people have a natural, healthy curiosity about their bodies and the bodies of others. Stifling this natural curiosity with veiled threats and fear-mongering does very little good—and a whole lot of harm.

But before I respond to your question, I have a question for you. I hope you’re not actually thinking I might help you rationalize away your impending behavior—Oh sure honey, if you’re gonna marry the lug anyway, why not give it up now?—because I won’t go there. Have the courage to make up your own mind. If you’re old enough to be considering sex, you’re old enough to take responsibility for your actions.

If you abstain from sex out of fear or religious duress, then where’s the virtue in that? It’s just as bad as having sex because you fear losing your boyfriend. Neither option suggests to me that you are behaving knowledgeably and responsibly.

Of course, it’s always easier to decide on a course of action when one has all the information. And that’s where I can be of some assistance. I’m not gonna tell you what you oughtta do, but I can offer you some timely information about human sexuality that you apparently aren’t getting from your family, church or your community.

There are many sexual alternatives to full-on fucking. And if you want to remain a virgin, at least technically speaking, you might want to explore these options.

Are you both masturbating? If not, then that’s a good place to begin. You should both be familiar with your own pleasure zones and sexual response cycle before you launch into partnered sex of any kind. I believe that the best sex is mutual sex, where the partners knowingly and without reservation gift themselves to one another. And I don’t see how that’s possible unless you are well-acquainted with the gift…your own body.

I can guarantee that your boyfriend won’t know how to pleasure you, especially if he’s still discovering the pleasures of his own body. And you’d be a very remarkable young woman if you understood the mysteries of male sexuality. So if you’re both unversed in the joys of human sexuality, why not discover them together? Mutual masturbation—as well as oral sex—will help you appreciate the particulars and uniqueness of each of your sexual response cycles. And just think how far ahead you’ll be when you guys actually decide it’s time for full-on fucking. You’ll already know how your bodies work.

Even so, the two of you should be familiar with several different means of birth control—and practicing at least two methods. This is a precaution because, in the heat of the moment, you may decide to escalate things to include vaginal penetration. And if you do, you’ll be prepared. Always have water-based lubricants on hand, even for masturbation. These lubricants work very well with latex condoms. Oil lubricants, like petroleum jelly, baby oil or cooking oil, can cause latex condoms to break. So stay away from them.

I realize that procuring all this stuff is gonna be a challenge for young folks like you. But don’t just blow them off just because they’re not readily available to you. This is a big part of being knowledgeable and responsible about your sexuality. If you’re not prepared to go the distance in terms of preparation, you’re not ready to have sex.

Young men and boys have their share of trepidation about impending partnered sex. Here’s 18-year-old Tabor.

I feel kinda silly asking a complete stranger this, but here goes. I’m a pretty normal 18 year old. I’ve had a few girlfriends over the years, nothing really serious, though. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of this one girl; she’s 20, a junior at my school. I really like her and we’re discussing taking our friendship to the next level, but there’s a problem. I’m a virgin. My girlfriend is way more experienced than me and that makes me a little nervous too. She wants me to decide when the time is right. My question is how will I know when I’m ready for sex?

I have a question for you, Tabor, and I hope it doesn’t sound flippant. When do you know it’s time to eat, or sleep? I know many of us eat even when we’re not hungry and sometimes we don’t sleep even when we’re tired. That aside, I suggest that the same bodily signals that alert you to hunger and exhaustion will let you know when it’s time for sex. You’ll want to have sex when you feel the desire to be sexual. I’m not trying to be evasive; I’m trying to get you to listen to your body, because that’s how you’ll know. To be perfectly frank, that’s how all of us know it’s time for sex. We get a hankerin’ for some pleasure and we pursue that till we’re satisfied. Sometimes that’s solo sex and sometimes it’s partnered sex.

If I were to advise you further I’d want to know how much sex you’ve already had with your GF. Has there been any sex play at all? Probably some, right? Otherwise how would you know you like her well enough to consider taking things to the next level?

Penis/vagina intercourse, or as I like to call it, “fucking,” can bring more intimacy and more pleasure than other forms of sex, but it’s not the be-all end-all either. Fucking also carries far more responsibility, particularly for fertile young puppies like you and your honey.

Is it safe to assume that you are well-versed in the complexities of the human reproductive system? I hope so. Not everyone is, of course, even some otherwise smart people. If you’re not clear on the whole concept, there’s no time like the present to do a little boning up, so to speak. Being responsible about sex is as important as being sexual. And being informed about health risks and contraception is the beginning of taking responsibility for your sexual activity.

Remember what I said earlier—that you’ll want to have sex when your body says so? Well, if you take the time to prepare now, you’ll not need to interrupt the moment when your body tells you I’m ready! You should discuss birth control with your girlfriend in advance of any foolin’ around. You should have condoms and lube available. Don’t expect that you’ll have your wits about you when your dick is hard. Remember, you’re not the one who’ll get pregnant if ya’ll screw up. I’ll bet your sweetheart will be impressed with your forethought, too.

Remember, even if your girlfriend is on the pill or has a diaphragm; condoms are a must. One in every ten sexually active teens carries one or more STDs or as we call them nowadays, STIs (sexually transmitted infections). You can consider dropping the condoms only when you’re in an exclusive relationship.

Good luck!

meat substitutes or give me the beef

Name: Carol
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
I’ve got an odd question. You know how there seems to be no end to the methods and devices available to bolster a man’s equipment. Everything from cock rings to Viagra. I know guys are all ego involved with their stuff and everything, but it seems to me that instead of all this gadgetry and pharmaceuticals why don’t they just strap one on? Most women I know wouldn’t much care if was the “real thing” and a dildo. I mean, is the “real thing” all that superior? I don’t think so, because a woman could choose the girth, length and texture of her “object of desire” or change it depending on her mood. The guy would not have to worry about being “worn out,” “premature” or not being able to “get it up” at all. Best of all, both could enjoy sex for longer periods. I’m quite serious. Let’s face it; the male refractory period is really a drag. It seems to me that strap-on sex would be a great way to put off ejaculation, extend the time we have for lovemaking and “keep the fire burning” for as long as the woman wants and needs.

OUCH, Carol! For a chick who says she understands that us guys are all ego involved with our stuff, you sure are rough as hell on us penis owning people. Holy cow!

You’ll get no argument from me — most us men folk are way to obsessed with our cocks. If only we spent a fraction of the time we fritter way worrying about the size and shape of our poor willies on something worthwhile, something that would actually make us more interesting; the world would be a much better place. But let’s face it, that ain’t gonna happen. And when all the boys out there get a load of your message, which suggests that most women would actually choose a strap on over the real thing, well…you know for sure the anxiety level is gonna go through the roof.

Frankly, I don’t believe that most women would choose a dildo over the real thing, even though the “real thing”, as you so generously point out, has its deficiencies like the pesky male refractory period.  And if I had to guess, and it would indeed be a guess, most women would prefer the animate thing, with all its shortcomings, no pun intended to the inanimate things with all their variety. I guess this because most of the women I know think that there is more to sex and intimacy than penetration sex, even though penetration sex is all fine and dandy. I’ve also had my share of women tell me they’re not overly disturbed when the hubby or BF can’t get it up, because that means less barkin’ at their front door, or (god forbid) back door…if you catch my drift.

I also get loads of letters from women who complain that the dudes in her life don’t know squat about how to use the dick nature gave them. It’s hard for me to imagine how awkward and clumsy penis/vagina sex would be if the guy pluggin’ the chick couldn’t feel the thing he was pluggin’ her with. I’d be willing to wager that there’d be a whole lot more bruised pussies out there if men were strappin’ their tool on, instead of using the one that came “standard issue” with their birthday suit.

But let’s just say you’re right; let’s say that most women would prefer to have fake as opposed to real, how would these women break the news to their benighted men? I mean, would she just come right out and say, “hey mister, tonight we’re gonna have you strap on old junior here.” As she pulls out some big vibrating monster wang and a harness. How do you suppose that would affect the guy’s ego? I suggest, not very well. Like I said at the beginning, us guys are already nervous about our adequacy. How are we supposed to compete with something that never loses its boner and can vibrate all at the same time?

No darlin’, I don’t think that’s gonna fly. Imagine for a moment if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak. And men started to bring home blow up dolls to compensate for all the times their women were too tired, or too headachy, or too pregnant or too turned off to the idea of giving their man some well-deserved head. Imagine the female consternation if their male partners asked them to move over in bed to make way for Missy Blow-up…you know the one with the eveready mouth, pussy and asshole, the one that never complains and has those really perky tits, albeit made of plastic.

You see where I’m going with this, don’t ‘cha? Most of the women I know can’t even bear the idea their man might be jerkin’ off to porn let alone having to share their bed with an inanimate object that is there simply for the sexual gratification of their male partner.

Now that I’ve debunked the idea of real verses fake, I do believe that most couples I know — straight, bi, gay, what have you — would benefit from adding a sex toy…or six to their love making. I mean that’s why I hawk all those fabulous “marital aids” in the Dr Dick’s Stockroom for my kinkier friends  and my other, more vanilla toy emporium HERE.  I’m a big advocate of spicing up things with all this stuff, but never at the ego expense of one or the other partner.

So by all means Carol, if you’re bedding a man that has the ego strength to hear you suggest he strap one on when his peters out…so to speak…good for you! Knock yourself out! But then you’d have to be as agreeable to his toy suggestions too, right? I mean turn about is fair play, right darling?

I am of the mind that most people, both women and men are still too skittish about the whole notion of toys, at least as part of partnered fun. And that’s really too bad. For the most part, us Americans, particularly straight Americans, are not particularly adventurous when it comes to sex in general, and partnered sex with toys in particular. And those who are including toy play in their sex play generally use toys that are no threat to the ego of their partner. They tend to save their dildos and masturbation sleeves for when they are alone, again, too bad about that. I think that more people would have more enjoyable sex — together, if they were more comfortable jerkin’ off and jillin’ off WITH their partner and their toys. As it is now, most masturbation is still a furtive, solitary affair, again, too bad about that.

In the end, the answer to your query might reside with the kind of guy you fuck, Carol. Hopefully he, or they are open minded and fun loving sex freaks who are dying to try new things. If he, or they are, you’re in luck. All you’ll have to do is come up with a politic way of introducing “old junior” and his harness to your man. If by chance, the guy or guys you fuck aren’t quite so enlightened, maybe you’ll have to introduce the idea of toys first by getting him one. Imagine his surprise if you showed up in bed one day with a vibrating masturbation sleeve, one that looks like a real live pussy. Then you could tell your man to have a ball and bust a nut while you watch with joy. After he’s spent himself on the inanimate pussy, you could whip out the strap-on and tell him to go to town on your real thing.

Good luck!

Play With It welcomes Audrey McManus — Podcast #248 — 11/29/10


Hey sex fans,

What if I could introduce you to some of the industry insiders in the world of adult products? What if I could bring you a series of conversations with leading retailers, educators, manufacturers and reviewers who are shaping the sex toy and pleasure product marketplace? Well wish no more, because I’m gonna do precisely that with a new podcast series I’m inaugurating today. It’s called — Play With It!

To insure that we get off on the right foot in this new series, I looked high and low for the best person to launch this series with me. As it turns out, I didn’t have to look very far at all. Today we take an audio field trip to a women-friendly adult toy emporium right here in the Emerald City. We’re off to meet the splendid Audrey McManus. She is the Marketing, Education and Social Media Coordinator for Babeland, Seattle.

If you know anything about adult products you will know that the Babeland brand stands for uncompromising quality. And Seattle is lucky enough to have one of their retail outlets in our midst. Audrey has loads of information to share with us about the intimate workings of a sex toy boutique.

Audrey and I discuss:

  • Being a sexuality educator;
  • Being the social media maven for Babeland;
  • Sinner/Saint Burlesque;
  • Teaching about the G-spot;
  • Being pregnant;
  • Vibrator use;
  • Greening your sex life — what to look for, what to avoid;
  • The wisdom of buying quality;
  • Rechargeable toys and rechargeable batteries.

Audrey invites you to check out all the fabulous products and interesting enrichment programs available at Babeland by visiting their site HERE! Look for her on Facebook HERE!  And enjoy her twitter feed HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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