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Nectar of the Gods

Ya’ll know that we’re taking a short break from podcasting, right? Good! This should keep you entertained till we return.

Name: steve
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Location: usa
hey there just wondered if there was a way to produce more pre-cum as my girlfriend really likes it.

Ya gotta love a chick that groves on some sweet precum, don’t cha know! Not everyone loves this nectar of the gods as much as some of us do. The curious thing about this stuff is that some guys have a load of it every time; others have little to none.

Precum, or pre-ejaculate as it is technically known is the product of the bulbourethral gland (or Cowper’s gland). This is part of our reproductive system, obviously. It is about the size of a pea and it sits just under the prostate gland behind a portion of the urethra at the base of our cock. And ya know what? Women have a similar, or holologous, gland called the Bartholin gland. Theirs is located in the inner lips of a their pussy and it provides lubrication during sex.

These glands (both the female and male type) get smaller, and thus less productive, as we age. That’s why the delicious treats, precum and pussy juice, are so hard to cum by (no pun intended) in us older folks.

Basically, these clear liquids are associated with the arousal stage of our sexual response cycle. In us guys, precum lubricates and helps clean out any urine or other foreign matter from our urethra that might impede, or worse, kill our very delicate sperm.

How does one increase precum production, if that’s even possible? Good question! One sure factor is to keep yourself well hydrated, which just makes sense, right? The more hydrated you are, the more liquids you’ll produce. Another factor may be to massage your cowper’s gland. The more you stimulate the gland, the more productive it’s likely to be.

How does one stimulate his Cowper’s gland, you might ask. Well then, I have the answer to that question too. Since our Cowper’s gland is just below our prostate, you stimulate your Cowper’s gland with a nice prostate massager. And guess what? We’ve reviewed a bunch of them on DrDickSexToyReviews.com. Check it out! Mozie on over to my site and look for the CATEGORY pull-down menu in the sidebar. Scroll down till you find the category — Prostate Massage. There are several pages of products and reviews. So knock yourself out.

Allow me to introduce you to a fine line of prostate massagers from the good people at Aneros.

If you’re a guy (or you know someone who is) and you have a butt hole (or the guy you know has one), I’ve got some swell news for YOU! I want to introduce you to three hands-free prostate and perineum massagers that have cum my way. I haven’t been this excited (literally and figuratively) about a line of adult products in a very long time.

Finally, someone got it right! The first thing I want to say about these Aneros products is they areb750.jpg designed and developed by folks who are as serious about prostate health as they are about prostate pleasure. Listen, I’m all in favor of toys that have no other purpose than to dispense a good dose of the jollies. But if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beats the pants off diddlin’ just for fun.

Before we get down to actually landin’ these babies where the sun don’t shine; I have some general comments to make. Each Aneros product has a unique shape. And there’s a shape for every anal-pleasure experience level — from rank amateur to professional butt pirate.

They’re made of firm, durable, non-toxic plastic. They clean up in a jiffy. Warm water and a mild detergent do just fine. You can also sterilize them by dropping ‘em in boiling water for a couple of minutes. Hell, ya can even pop ‘em in the dishwasher too. What could be easier?

They have an ergonomic elegance about them. They actually remind me of a finely crafted medical device. No surprise there, I suppose; since each Aneros massager is the product of years of research and development. And just so you don’t think I’m pullin’ your leg — these are the only medically patented prostate massagers on the market.

Their Zen-like simplicity is a marvel in and of itself. There are no batteries to wear down, no wires to fumble with. These beauties works their magic in harmony with your body’s own movements. Just lifting or repositioning your leg, tensing your PC muscle, or rolling on your side will stimulate and invigorate your prostate and perineum in a slightly different way. It’s truly amazing. I discovered that if I did a few crunches while my Aneros massager was lodged within; what was previously a workout drudgery became a tingly delight.

Since I had three Aneros products to review, I decided to share the wealth, so to speak. I wanted to find three uninhibited men who were up for an afternoon of prostate pleasuring. I apparently know the right kind of guys, because the very first three fellas I invited jumped at the opportunity. And best of all, we covered the spectrum of anal play experience.

I told my visitors that we had one simple task — to agree or disagree with the Aneros claim that their stimulators increase one’s sexual performance and stamina, facilitate a stronger erection and enhance orgasmic pleasure. Before we set to work, however, I had to remind my friends that we gathered together and dropped our drawers purely in the name of science. So I insisted that they wipe those stupid grins off their faces right away! ;-)

Kevin — single, straight, 25 — was the youngest and least experienced among us. (He’s never had more than a finger in his ass.) He chose the Aneros MGX as his challenge. Despite it’s modest girth, he was still a bit apprehensive.

Glenn — partnered, gay, 33 — was the most experienced among us. He’s pretty smug about his talented ass and proudly identifies himself as a power-bottom extraordinaire. Initially he scoffed at all three stimulators. “Shit, I could take all three of them at once!” He proclaimed. I handed him the Aneros Progasm, the largest stimulator of the bunch, and told him to park his famous ass and shut his pie hole for the time being.

Carlos — married, “mostly straight,” 46 — has experimented with a couple of anal toys and would like to do more. He wants to get his wife involved too. However, he’s been having some prostate problems lately, so he was unsure how helpful he’d be. He got the Aneros Helix.

We shared our initial reactions to each product — how they looked and felt in our hand. We talked about what our expectations were, if any. We took note of the different shapes and the configuration of the Perineum Tab and K-Tab on each.

  • I gotta tell ya, we all were stumped by the K-Tab reference. I actually had to go to the Aneros website for an explanation. “Kundalini or “K-Tab” is supposed to add sensations up and down your spine similar to the sensations you’re feeling through your prostate.” Ok, the “Kundalini” reference is way too esoteric for me. I realize this is some kind of tantric reference, but please! Basically the K-Tab hits below your tailbone or coccyx. Sheesh!

c771.jpgNow that my guests and I are all comfortable and naked; the fun begins in earnest. Kevin realizes that he’s gonna need lube to insert his MGX. (Actually everyone needs lube for ass play of any kind. But ya’ll know that already, huh?) Unfortunately, Kevin was using a dainty amount of lube right on his pucker. I guess he thought that was gonna do the trick. He was oh so wrong! Listen up; ya gotta lube the whole chute, don’t cha’ know.

Glenn leaned over with one of the Marksman water-based lube shooters that came with the Aneros stimulators. He showed Kevin how to pop the top, insert the shooter stem to deep-lube his hole. “Ahhh, much better!” Kevin proclaimed. On his side with his lower leg straight and his upper leg cocked to his stomach, he tired to insert the MGX. But failed. I think he was pretty nervous and there was a fair amount of performance anxiety goin’ on too. It didn’t help that, we his audience, were looking on with great anticipation.

Carlos reached over and held Kevin’s upper leg, so he wouldn’t have to tense to hold the position. Then he said; “relax and breathe deep.” Kevin’s next try was successful. As soon as the MGX slipped into place, with its head knockin’ on his prostate, Kevin’s eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a whimper. “Damn! Holy Shit!”

Kevin was a little nervous about lowering his leg, because that movement slightly altered the position of the MGX. Each time he moved, he got a jolt of pleasure. Finally, he was able to roll on to his back and lowered his leg. I told him to do some Kegel exercises. “Tighten your P.C. muscle (like you would if your were trying to stop the flow of pee) and hold that contraction for a slow count of 3. Then relax. Next, contract and relax your P.C. muscle as rapidly as you can — like a flutter.”

Kevin was oozing precum like there was no tomorrow. He had a rock-hard hardon. Ok, so he’s 25, all his boners are rock-hard. He did say, however, that he was afraid to touch his cock, because he thought he’d shoot his load for sure if he did. And he didn’t want to cum right away. He wanted to ride all these new sensations he was having.

Carlos was next. He popped the top and administered his Marksman lube shooter like a pro. His previous experience with ass toys insured an effortless insertion. Maybe because of his enlarged prostate, the Helix hit home with a bang…as it were, and it took his breath away.

Carlos admitted that the experience was right on the edge of being uncomfortable at first. I reminded him that the good people at Aneros suggest that everyone take his time to acquaint his butt with one of their stimulators. “Ya gotta be patient, darlin’!” I insisted. “Your body needs a chance to get familiar with its new friend.”

Carlos worked through the initial discomfort with deep breathing, Kegels and yankin’ on his balls to move the sexual energy around. He too had a powerful hardon and more than the usual amount of precum. This surprised him. Because of his enlarged prostate, Carlos found that he needed to take a break and remove the Helix every once in a while. This was fine with him, because reinserting it was so much fun.

While Carlos and Kevin were riding their stimulators, Glenn was preparing himself for disappointment. He was sure his Progasm was gonna be a bust. He put on a cockring, because he assumed he would need one. No “little” insertable was gonna challenge his pro-hole or give him wood either…or so he thought.

Glenn’s poop chute devoured the Progasm like it was a snack. It slipped into place with an audible pop. We all giggled like schoolgirls. Sure enough, the girth of the Progasm was like playing house for him. What Glenn didn’t count on was the P-Tab and the K-Tab. These little numbers made all the difference in the world. None of his other ass toys had anything like this.

When Glenn could finally admit that bigger isn’t always better, he realized the potential of the Progasm. As every power- bottom will tell you — the secret to enjoying a big toy and/or a ferocious fuck is pelvic muscle control. If you keep your muscles (including your PC muscle) in tip-top shape, a wealth of pleasure awaits you. If you go loose in the caboose…so to speak, you pay the price in pleasure and sphincter control.

While the Progasm didn’t come close to “filling him up,” it did hit the spot. The P-Tab and the K-Tab riveted the Progasm head to his prostate while adding the additional stimulation of his “taint” (perineum) and spine. This was all new territory for Glenn. He found that he had to work at tightening his PC muscle around the more modestly sized Progasm shank. This exercised his muscles more; delivering more pleasure.

Glenn had to remove his cockring because his wood was gettin’ too intense. “Ok, I’m a believer. This thing is pretty fuckin’ amazing! I’m sold, big time!”

Our afternoon session ended in an explosive manner. After only 20 minutes with his MGX, Kevin couldn’t stand it any longer and popped a wad that hurled well over his shoulder. We all cheered him on as he writhed in delicious agony. (Funny how pleasure and pain register as the same on one’s face.) He pulled the plug from his ass and fought to catch his breath. As his dick softened it continued to dribble spooge into a pool near his navel. “This thing rocks!”

Carlos decided to finish himself off without the Helix in place. He said he liked the butt play a lot; it just became too intense as he neared orgasm. He finally gave up his spunk in three waves of bliss. He was surprised at the amount of cum he produced. He figured it was the prostate massage that milked more cum out of him. However, he reported that his prostate was very tender after the orgasm. He though he needed to take more time with the Helix or maybe try the MGX next time.

Meanwhile, Glenn was edging — playing with his sexual tension as he jerked off. He would come right up to the point of ejaculating, and then he’d suddenly let go of his dick. Its hardness would slap against his belly. When the urge to cum subsided he’d start to handle himself again. He said he could usually delay his ejaculation for an hour doing this. Not today, though. The Progasm altered his edging performance and brought him closer to cuming more frequently, until he finally let fly. He said edging usually makes for a more intense orgasm, but this time, with the Progasm pluggin his happy hole, he felt several mini orgasmic quakes before the big one hit. “Like I said, I’m sold!”

As my guests lay spent on the floor, I asked them to rate their particular Aneros product, on a scale of 1-10 — 10 being the highest. Kevin gave his MGX a 10.0. He was gonna go online and buy his own just as soon as he got home. Glenn was happy to be proven wrong. He gave the Progasm a 8.5. He thought he’d probably buy his own, as well. He asked if he could borrow the MGX for his partner, who never bottoms, to try. Carlos rated the Helix at 9.0, but his experience at 8.0. Like he said, I need more time to work with one of these things on my sensitive prostate. He wanted to introduce his wife to the concept and asked if he could borrow the Helix for some homework.

As for me, I tried all three stimulators, I found the Helix fit me best. I sympathized with Carlos and the trouble he has with his enlarged prostate. I know the feeling. Lots of men our age and older are similarly troubled. However, I am discovering that a regular routine of Aneros prostate massage therapy is making a big difference. It’s assisting me in achieving better pelvic muscle tone and increasing oxygen-rich blood flow. This is reducing the size of my prostate and making my erections firmer. Firmer erections mean more sensitivity. And greater sensitivity means more pleasure. It’s a win-win situation all around.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fierce advocate for prostate self-awareness. At the risk of generalizing from my experience, I’d say there’s a very good chance that regular use of an Aneros stimulator will facilitate prostate health and vitality in most men. And a healthy prostate, increased blood flow and added muscle control are the kingpins of powerful orgasms, rejuvenated sexual ability, and stamina, as well as a stiffer cock. So, like I said; “if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beat the pants off just diddlin’ just for fun.”

ENJOY!

Nicely Naughty

Name: Seth
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Las Vegas
My girlfriend has told me that her last boyfriend was very naughty in bed and very good as well, just wondering if you had any advice on how to follow up such an intense sexual relationship? Naughty or intimate, or whatever Thanks SDG,

Let me introduce you to the DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY and show you around this marvelous resource. First you’re gonna have to mozie on over to the Video Library tab at the top of this page. Once you click on that link you’re immediately taken to the video library itself.comma sutra

If you don’t know how a pay-for-view set up works, just click on the “HELP” tab and read all about it. If you already are familiar with this sort of video on demand thingy then you are ready to go.

Here’s what you do. Using the TITLE search field type in key words like: Sexual Secrets. Sex Skills, Women’s Sexual Satisfaction, Best Sexual Positions, Sexual Massage, What Women Really Want…things like that. Each of those searches will take you to a specific video title. Once on a particular title’s page you can read more about that particular vid. You can choose to watch by the minute. You can rent the entire video for an extended period of time. Or even download-to-own the blasted thing. Isn’t that amazing?

Further down the page you’ll see all the scenes from the video you’ve chosen. Here you have the option of watching only the scenes that appeal to you and nothing more.

You can search by Studio and/or by Director. I have a couple of recommendations for this kind of search too. If you are searching by studio look for: Access Instructional Media or anything with Nina Hartley or Tristan Taormino, You can search by Category too. Use the pull-down CATEGORY menu and look for “Instructional”.

Just look at the wealth of information available to you for virtually pennies.

 

And that, my friend, is just the beginning. At the bottom of each page there is a whole selection of other similar types of movies. Why, you could spend hours and hours educating, enriching and entertaining yourself.

And here’s a tip, Seth, why not check out some of these titles with your GF. Don’t be afraid to ask her for a little direction on finding precisely the sorts of things that interest her. If, as you say, she is more sexually experienced then you; then, by all means, allow her to take the lead. This in no way insinuates that you are less a man for doing this. Rather it will mark you as an open minded, sexually progressive fellow who wants to learn. No woman will be able to resist that.

Finally, I encourage you to keep things playful…even as you learn.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Too Big!

Name: Jordan
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location ?
Hi, I’m a young male aged 18, and recently have become sexually active. I revealed my penis to my girlfriend for the first time and she said that I was too big for her. I am 9in when erect, and 4.5in in girth. Is this too big and if so what procedures are there to make it smaller?
Thanks

This is so precious; I love it. You are so precise with your measurements. I suspect that you pay a lot of attention to what hangs between your legs. Am I right?Sand-Cock

While I want to believe this is a legitimate question from a clueless pup, who is swingin’ some mighty big pipe, I actually have my doubts. If old Jordan here is pulling my leg, it’s ok. It’s been pulled a lot before. On the off chance that this is on the up and up, and our boy is really concerned about the size of his unit vis-à-vis his girlfriend’s equipment, I do have some things to say about how things…even big things…can fit into relatively small places.

But before we get to that, I thought we’d do a little remedial anatomy lesson. Did you know a vulva is made up of the same tissue as your penis and scrotum? In other words your cock and balls are simply a pussy on a stick. So if you follow the logic, Jordan, you’ll find the answer to your query. Pussies come in a variety of sizes shapes, just like cocks & balls.

Ok, so we’re clear on that point, right? Excellent. Now the variation in size and shape of the external components of female genitalia, the vulva, vaginal lips, etc, are only a preview of the amazing capacities of the internal components, the thing itself. A vagina is best understood as a potential space. It is very expandable. It has to be, since whole babies come pushin’ through that space from time to time. Please tell me you’re clear on that concept!

Well-HungAgain if you follow the logic you’ll realize that, just about any adult female vagina is able to accommodate even the really big boys. However, being able to and wanting to be impaled by a giant johnson…well, that’s just a whole other issue, don’t cha know.

Second, and this is a most important point, I wholeheartedly recommend that one day real soon you have a nice long conversation with your GF about her whoha. Do this before you start pokin’ away at this mysterious entity that you clearly don’t understand. There’s a good chance that even your GF doesn’t know her way around down there, so this will be a great experience for your both. Ask her for a little tour of her fine pussy. Have her show you around. Have her point out all the really exciting points of interest…and there are plenty of ‘em. If you think your dick is talented, bub? Let me tell ya, it pales in comparison to a cunt.

Besides, this little exercise will give you a load of brownie points with your GF. You’ll also be a vastly more informed about pussies in general, which hopefully will make you a much better lover whatever comes your way in the future.

Finally, if your GF is concerned about your size it’s incumbent upon you to prove to her that you are an expert cocksmith. That you will make it your business to get her completely turned on before you attempt to administer that 9X5er. Here’s a tip: most women who complain about painful intercourse, regardless of the size of their partner’s hose, report that their offish partners don’t get them warmed up enough before commencing the fuck. No arousal means there’s no lubrication. No lubrication means there’s sure to be painful fucking ahead…even if you’ve got a puny pipe to swing. Get it?dick-tater

A word to the wise, Jordan, if a guy’s dick is hard it’s evidence that he’s aroused. If his partner isn’t lubricating big-time then she not aroused. Which tells me that the guy didn’t take care of business like he should have before he started to poke and prod with his one-eyed monster.

You want in? Better pave the way pup! And this will certainly include lots of a high-quality personal lubricant. Don’t know which one to choose? Check out my adult products review site, DrDickSexToyReviews. Look for the CATEGORY pull-down menu in the side bar; scroll down till your find the category — LUBE and presto!

Good luck

Plug Your Hole In Three Easy Steps

Plug Your Hole In Three Easy Steps — The Butt Plug Tutorial

I want to welcome you to the Wonderful World of Butt Plugs! Not sure what a butt plug is or why you would want one? Or maybe you sure enough know a butt plug when you see one, but you just don’t know how to go about choosing the right one for you. Well, never fear, because Dr Dick is here with another one of his Handy Dandy Sex Toy Advisories.i'm wearing my butt plug

A butt plug is an anal stimulation device that allows you to enjoy sustained anal pleasure (and prostate stimulation for the men folk) without the worry of having your toy fall out, or worse, disappear up you hole.

Let’s look at a typical butt plug to get a feel for how it works. Unlike most dildos and other anal toys, a butt plug is shorter and has a unique shape. The insertable part is often a tapered cone shape, designed for easy insertion and that filled-up feeling while it’s in place.

The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.

Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?

But why would I want a plug in my butt? You might ask. That, my friend, is a question only a novice butt pirate would ask. Unfamiliar with the joys of butt play, are ya? Well, here’s the 411 on anal pleasuring. Your bum is chock full of nerve ending that, when stimulated, induce intense pleasure. And a butt plug can be worn for hours at a time for a sustained dose of devilish delight.

Once you decide to give a plug a try, you’ll have loads of options to choose from. There is a slue of different sizes, shapes colors and textures. They come in several different materials. And some even vibrate. How fun is that?

Let’s look at all these options in turn.

Start with SIZE.
If you’re new to the whole anal thing, I recommend you try something small. You’ll want an insertable length of less then 4” and a diameter of 2.5”. Feeling a bit more daring? Want to increase the insertable length and/or diameter? Knock yourself out, my friend. There are dozens of sizes available.

Next choose a Material.
Got the dimensions you want, but not sure about what kind of material you want plugging your hole? I know that sounds funny, but it may actually matter what you insert where the sun don’t shine! Say, Dr Dick, how do I know what material is best for me? Excellent question! See, you’re becoming a well-informed consumer already. Let me detail some of the finer points for you.

  • Latex

Is the granddaddy of sex toy materials.
PLUSES —
Inexpensive
Soft and flexible
Use with both water-based and silicone-based lubes.
MINUSES —
Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Distinct rubbery odor

  • Jelly

Advancements in chemistry transformed ordinary latex into an even softer and more pliable jelly material.
PLUSES —
Inexpensive
Super-soft and flexible
Appealing translucent jelly-like appearance
Use with both water-based and silicone-based lubes.
Comes in a variety of colors
MINUSES —
Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Distinct chemical odor

  • SiliconeC935

A non-latex product that come in two varieties — firm and soft.
PLUSES —
Durable and long lasting
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize silicone toys by boiling them
They’re bleachable
Dishwasher safe
More realistic feel
Retains body heat
Comes in a variety of colors
No odor
MINUSES —
Slightly more expensive
Use only water-based lubes

  • Stainless Steelaluminum butt plug

It is smooth, hard and a thing of beauty.
PLUSES —
Super-durable and long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize Stainless Steel toys by boiling them
Bleachable
Dishwasher safe
Much heftier weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and silicone-based lubes.
MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

  • Pyrex Glassglass

Pyrex is a hard dense glass that will not shatter or splinter. It’s smooth, hard and a work of art.
PLUSES —
Super-durable, long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize Pyrex toys by boiling them
Bleachable
Dishwasher safe
Hefty weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and silicone-based lubes.
MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

  • Wood wood

It’s smooth, hard and a work of art.
PLUSES —
Super-durable, long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
No unpleasant odor
Use with both water-based and silicone-based lubes.
MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

  • New Supersoft

Is a new material that’s has the closest feel to real-life skin. It can be both soft and rigid.
PLUSES—
Less expensive
Great texture
MINUSES —
Very porous
Less hygienic
Always use with a condom
Use only water-based lubes.
Difficult to clean
Distinct chemical odorD649

  • Rubber

An old standard!
PLUSES—
Inexpensive
Durable, long lasting
Waterproof
Use with both water-based and silicone-based lubes.
Comes in a vast array of colors (just as long as it’s black)
MINUSES —
Very porous, less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Distinct rubbery odor

Next choose Special Features.
Once you’ve decided on the material you want, you to customize your butt plug with special features like:beautiful
Bendable
Inflatable
Multi speed vibrating
Suction cup

Next choose Texture.
Latex, silicone, glass, wood and rubber butt plugs come in an array of textures. Which one of these buggers will tickles your fancy?
Bulged
Noduled
Nubbed
Ribbed
Smooth
Studded
Swirled
Veined
Velvety

Butt plugs come in loads of delectable colors and even more shades and hues. Looking for something rosy red, or jet black? Something to match your eyes, or your Day-Glo lime undies? You’ll not have any difficulty finding your heart’s desire.

ENJOY!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Hey sex fans,

I know I promised you a Q&A podcast for today, but I’m afraid I must disappoint. I’ve been experiencing technical difficulties all weekend long, so this charming exchange between me and a nervous mother will have to satisfy you till I can pull together the next podcast…this coming Wednesday, 12/05/12, I hope.

Name: Nora
Gender: female
Age: 26
Location: Mane
My husband and I are having a little problem with our 5-year-old son. He’s very bright and inquisitive and we encourage that in him. However, we’ve caught him playing doctor with playmates, twice in two months. Once with a 4 year old neighbor girl and most recently, a 6-year-old boy from his school. How do we handle this? We don’t want to stifle his inquisitive nature, nor do we want to send him the message that sex is bad or dirty. We weren’t raised like that and we don’t want to raise our son like that either. At the same time, he can’t continue to do this. If other parents discover this, there could be trouble. What do you think? Thanks.

Ya gotta love the curiosity and innocence of children, but I certainly understand your concern.

Reading your message took me back to one of my earliest memories. I must have been about the same age as your son at the time. A neighborhood boy, who was slightly younger than me, and I were playing in a vacant lot near our homes. We made a little fort in the tall grass. And there, out of the blue, I suggested that he, the neighbor boy, pull down his pants so that I could take his temperature with this little stick I was holding. He was perfectly compliant and, like it was an everyday thing, he bent over and I stuck the twig in his bum. I remember taking careful note of his little peepee in the process. He had one, just like me, which was a totally different configuration than my baby sisters. I had taken note of that when I watched my mother change their diapers. I remember thinking to myself, my god that is so weird. But I digress. The gist of the story is that I was a very inquisitive lad, just like your son. And the opportunity check out the neighbor kid was, just that…an opportunity to satisfy my curiosity.

A couple days later, pretty much out of the blue, my dad took me aside for a little chat. He asked me about my play with the neighbor kid. I wasn’t quite sure what he was referring to. Ya see the “doctor” incident didn’t register with me as particularly significant, or all the memorable. It just was what it was. But it sure did register with a nosy neighbor lady who witnessed the whole thing. Apparently she told my mother, my mother told my father and now he was telling me. You have to remember, this was the mid-1950s, so sexual experimentation at any age was a lot more taboo than it is today, or even when you and your hubby were kids.

To my father’s credit he wasn’t hysterical, but he was very firm. I got the unambiguous message that this sort of behavior was not OK. It’s funny, had no one seen me and the neighborhood kid in our innocent play, the incident wouldn’t have registered with me at all. I probably had the same level of interest in the kid as I would have seeing an interesting bug, or catching a glimpse of a rabbit or raccoon. It filled the moment, and then it was gone.

Like I said, despite my father’s mild manner, I did get the clear message that what I did crossed some line, a line that I didn’t even know existed beforehand. My father’s talk managed to instill a sense of shame where there was none before. And I remember realizing that my behavior wasn’t just wrong, like if I had hit someone, but it bad, like sinful. And even at that age, I understood to some degree what sin was. I had visions of Jesus and his blessed mother up in heaven crying their little hearts out over my indiscretion. So now, along with the shame I began to feel guilt.

Of course, even if my “doctor” play hadn’t been discovered at age 5 there certainly were dozens of subsequent opportunities for me to get the hardball message that sex was dirty and sinful — not just touching but even dwelling on the subject was enough to send one to hell. There simply was no escaping that fifty some years ago. Are things fundamentally different today? Probably not fundamentally! There are, no doubt, more parents these days who, like yourselves, are more enlightened than when I was a kid. But let’s face it; the predominant culture is still very sex-negative.

One of the biggest mistakes parents make when they are faced with the kind of situation you refer to, Nora, is they impose adult motivations onto their kid’s behavior. For the most part, young children don’t have a sense of shame about their bodies, nor do they have a highly developed sense of the personal space of another person. When their curiosity about their body and the bodies of others, both children and adults, turns to touching and exploration, it has no sexual connotation like we grown-ups understand.

Some years ago, I said much the same thing at a church sponsored workshop for parents. A mother in the audience stood up to tell me that I was all wet about this. She said she knew for sure that her pre-adolescent son had a sense of guilt about fondling himself, because when she caught him doing it one day he looked very guilty. Well, duh! But when we discussed the occurrence further, we were able to discover the truth. I asked her, to describe the situation. She said, “I happened to see my son, through the partially open door to his room. It was just after his bath. He was sitting on his bed touching himself impurely.” I had to chuckle at her vocabulary, but I asked her to proceed with her story. She said, “naturally, I threw open the door and said; ‘what in the world are you doing?’” I said, in a somewhat mocking tone; “Yes, naturally!”

I wasn’t hard to imagine the scene she was describing, because she was pretty agitated by just retelling the story. I could visualize the bedroom door flying open, her stomping into the room, hands on her hips, eyes glaring, nostrils flared, her voice pitched high. What she saw in her young son’s face was not shame; it was fright. I told her that she was the cause of the panic in his face. I explained that if she had barged in to his room that way, with her threatening body language and her “what in the world” screech while he was on his knees saying his bedtime prayers, the kid would have had the same look of alarm, which she interpreted as guilt. I also confronted the woman about the issue of privacy. Listen parents, even young children need and deserve their privacy. You don’t want to see embarrassing things? Avoid the temptation to walk in on your kids without knocking first.

The reason I tell you all of this, Nora, is I want you to realize that the way you address your son’s behavior is probably more important than what you actually tell him. If you approach the discussion all worried, or distressed, or alarmed, or agitated; you can be assured that your body language will tell him all he needs to know, even before you speak your first word.

If your son’s behavior doesn’t course correct all by itself, which it probably will, my advice is schedule a little family meeting. The key here is that you’ll want to talk about several things besides the bothersome behavior. You might bring up school, putting away his toys, playing doctor with the neighbors, and helping with some of the household chores. You’ll notice that the more difficult subject is couched between more mundane concerns. This will help keep the sexual issue properly situated…as part of everyday life.

When you ask him about his “doctor” play, and if you do it in a casual sort of way, he will probably tell you all about it as if he were telling you about his other play. My guess is he is not yet made the distinction between types of play. You might ask him why he’s playing this particular game. Maybe even ask him what he discovered, if anything. Once this part is over and you have some information about his motivation, you could add your perspective…the adult perspective. Here’s where you get to explain that some parts of our bodies are private. And now that he’s getting bigger he needs to understand the difference between public and private. You could make the distinction between bad and inappropriate — his play is not bad, just out of place. I’d be willing to guess that he already has a grasp on this concept.

You may not even have to tell him not to do it again. You could tell him that if he thinks he wants to play “doctor” again, he should ask for your permission. In the same way he would have to ask your permission to cross a busy street or stay at a friends house for lunch.

If after the family meeting you think you and your husband didn’t get it precisely right, just let it go. If the behavior continues you’ll have another opportunity to get it right. Here’s a tip, if you guys casually talk about body things, like personal hygiene…particularly if your son is uncut…on a regular basis you’ll have a foundation on which to build more complicated sex related discussions in the future.

Finally, keep all sex related talks firmly grounded in every day life. One good way of doing that is use examples from nature and apply it to human behavior.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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