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Family Jewels

Name: Lloyd
Gender: male
Age: 33
Location: UK
Hi Dr,
I like pulling on my nuts when I masturbate. I like the way it adds tension to my entire genital area, cock, bum and of course my balls. Is it ok to do this as often as I masturbate? Could I injure myself? I’ve heard there are ball-stretching devices, but I don’t know how they work. Is this something you are familiar with? Thanks a bunch.

Lots of guys are into stretching their balls; it’s a very common practice (fetish). Like you suggest there’s nothing like a pair of low-hangers slappin’ around down there as you pull your pud.

As you probably know, your nuts hang outside and away from your body so they stay slightly cooler than you normal core body temperature. This keeps sperm production at its peak.

Think of the fun you’ll have with a partner too. Do you know about tea baggin? (Not the nutty American Republican kind, mind you.) It’s all the rage, don’t cha know! When you stretch out your balls, you’ll be able to straddle your partner and do deep knee bends, while you’re family jewels dip in and out of your partner’s mouth as you proceed with your up and down motion. How fun!

Don’t know a ball stretcher from a hole in your head? Not to worry. There are several kinds of devices. All encircle your sack above your balls and then either push your balls away from the body, or yank down on your nuts. Most stretchers are made of soft leather, neoprene, metal, or a combination of these materials. Persistent use can stretch your sack a good 3 inches. By the way, the stretching itself can produce a very erotic sensation both in your balls and your testicle cords (vas deferens). Let’s take a look at what you can find in Dr Dick’s Stockroom relating to this.

For example, check out this little number: Weighted Ball Stretcher (SL118) $25.95 The Weighted Ball Stretcher is crafted from high quality garment leather, containing tiny sand granules that make this CBT (Cock & Ball Torture) toy firm yet flexible. The dual snaps allow for custom adjustment to ensure a snug and secure fit, ideal for even the most extreme CBT scenarios. This ball stretcher weighs six ounces and will weigh down your boys without being excessively straining.

This ball stretcher is supple yet durable and it will make a great addition to your cock and ball toy collection.


Then there’s the Parachute Ball Stretcher (A576) $18.00 Add some style and exquisite tease toy your play with the small studded parachute by Spartacus. This exquisite CBT device is shaped like a small parachute that surrounds the wearer’s package with a firm grip. High quality leather makes it comfortable as well as providing a tight grip. The item also has a 6″ long metal chain for attaching additional weights. The metal stud design will make the wearer stylish and sexy during the play. Weights can also be attached, but for god sake, have your wits about you when you try this. You can injure yourself if not careful.


How about the KinkLab Neoprene Ball Stretcher (KL765) $14.95
Choose between 2 lengths —

  • Short 2-snap (1.5″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.
  • Long 3-snap (2″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.


Take a look at the 1.5″ Rubber Ball Stretcher w/ Locking Strap (R134) $22.00   This Locking Rubber Ball Stretcher stands apart from the rest because it is made of a firmer neoprene rubber that looks and feels like natural rubber, but can be used with oil based lubricants. This particular grade of rubber is more firm and shiny than other Neoprene Ball Stretchers.

The snap closes on the side allow for two different levels of tightness for the best fit and the 3/4″ wide buckling strap has a lockable buckle.


Here’s a beauty, 3″ Leather Ball Stretcher w/ 2 Pulls (B584) $33.00  This leather ball stretcher has three buckles and two mini pull-straps for attaching weights or other restraint devices. This stretcher constricts the scrotum sack down to a diameter variable between 1″ to 4″ while forcing the testicles down.

The soft leather-lined inner surface is totally smooth without any rivets. Width: 3″, Length 6″, with six holes for buckle adjustment.


Looking for something shiny? The Chrome Ball Stretcher (A720) $29.50 – $42.00  Nothing else looks or feels quite the same as one of these shiny chrome ball stretchers.

We’re currently carry two different diameters in two different lengths, for a total of four sizes. The 2 diameters are 1 5/8″ and 1 7/8″ and the 2 lengths are 1 1/8″ and 2″.

For those who get into the feeling of a metal ball stretcher, these stretchers are fantastic. They are good-quality rings at an excellent price.


Finally, something hi-tech. The Separating Ball Stretcher (B010) $68.00 – $69.00  When it comes to ball stretchers/weights, this is the top of the line. You may want to wear it for the sensual feel, but the way it looks, the erotic bondage/control possibilities, and the gradual stretching of the scrotum are a bonus. Whatever your motivation, this chrome-plated brass stretcher of unusually high quality and advanced design has many advantages:

Unlike all other metal ball stretchers I’ve seen, this one separates so that it can be closed around your balls, instead of having to shove your balls through the opening at the center. This allows the opening to be smaller, which allows the ball-stretching ring to be thicker (and heavier).

The smaller opening also prevents most men from removing the stretcher without opening it. And the stretcher is opened and closed using bolts which can only be screwed/unscrewed with an allen wrench. (The wrench is included with the stretcher.) So, if the wearer doesn’t have access to an allen wrench, the ring is effectively locked on, opening up interesting bondage possibilities. (Note: the wrench is a standard size, so if it gets lost, it can be easily and inexpensively replaced with a quick trip to any hardware store.)

Both stretching and bondage possibilities are enhanced by the optional addition of two eyebolts, one on either side of the stretcher. These eyebolts are included as part of the stretcher package. The stretcher can be used with or without the eyebolts, depending on your tastes, needs, and plans. They can be used to attach weights, cuffs, ropes, locks, etc.

  • 8oz. Stretcher/Weight B010
    This 8oz. version of the separating stretcher is the smallest and mildest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is a mild .5″ (1.2cm). Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 16oz. Stretcher/Weight B011
    This 16oz. version of the separating stretcher is a full pound of weight for the balls, and is the second largest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″. Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 22oz. Stretcher/Weight B012
    This 22oz. version of the separating stretcher weighs almost a pound and a half, and is the largest and heaviest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″ (3.8cm).


Again a word of caution. When using any stretcher, it’s best to proceed slowly and gradually. Be careful when handling your scrotum to make sure that it doesn’t get pinched. You may find it helpful to use a tongue depressor, a pen, or some similar household object to push the scrotum skin out of the way as you slowly tighten snaps or screws.

Also, the potential for injury to this tender part of your body is obvious. So be careful and conservative in your use of any of these items. The Dr Dick’s Stockroom can guarantee the quality of workmanship of all these products, but not the safety of their use. You use them is at your own risk.

Again, please be careful and use common sense.

Good luck

You say you want a revolution…

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday. And we have another toy for your bum (or G-spot as the case may be) to tell you about. It came to us directly from the manufacturer, Nexus. This is the fifth product we’ve reviewed of theirs.

You have been following all our Nexus reviews, right? If not, you’re missing out. You can find them all HERE!

Dr Dick Review Crew member, Brad, is here to show and tell.

Nexus Revo  —— $199.99

Damn, it’s almost been a year since I posted my last review. I had to take a break from reviewing, because I guess I was getting burnt out. The toys offered to me didn’t spark any enthusiasm, so I simply declined the offers. I didn’t want to try to review something that didn’t at least pique my interest.

At any rate, when Dr Dick offered me the Nexus Revo to review I jumped on the opportunity. I’m a straight guy who really gets off on ass play. I make a point of saying I’m straight, because so many people assume if a guy is into his butt hole, he’s gotta be gay. Nonsense! Happily, the days of making that uninformed leap are over. More and more straight guys are discovering their prostate and living to tell the story.

Nexus is one of the companies that is making prostate massage a household word. I’ve turned a number of my clients, I’m a personal trainer, on to their very interesting line of massagers and stimulators.

The Nexus Revo is supposed to represent a REVOlution in prostate massage. And in a way it is, at least it was for me. I am very familiar with the vibrating massagers and the plugs that act as stimulators, but the Nexus Revo is different from all the others. The tip of the insertable end rotates. Very cool! There is also a vibrator in the end that stimulates the perineum too. The small nubs on this part of the toy are soft and pliable. While that’s not a new phenomenon, it is noteworthy.

Nexus is fond of calling the prostate the male G-spot, which makes me squirm. I hate P-spot too. Do we really need these euphemisms? Let’s put our big boy pants on and call it by its name — prostate. Maybe then the guys who don’t know where theirs is, or the pleasure it can deliver, will be prompted to look for it.

The Nexus Revo is the right size for newbies and advanced users alike, anyone can enjoy this toy. Hey, even women wanting to explore their G-spot will get off on this. The business parts of this insertable are made of 100% hypoallergenic, latex free, nonporous and phthalates free silicone. The other parts, the base, where the controller is and battery compartment, are made of plastic. And because this thing is silicone, you can only use a water-based lube with it. And all ass play requires lots of lube

The bumps and ridges of the Nexus Revo make for easy insertion. For all you butt hole novices out there, just insert one bump and ridge at a time. No need to try and insert it all at once. But once fully inserted your ass sphincter will close down on the final notch holding the toy in place. So it sort of acts like a butt plug, for the most part. This makes the Nexus Revo a hands-free stimulator, which I really like. Because I like to tug on my nuts and stroke my cock when my prostate is being pleasured. I liked using it best while lying down on my back or side. The base is pretty bulky, so sitting on it is uncomfortable.

The dual motors are strong and quiet. There’s a single button controller. A single push of that button starts the rotation, a second push gives you a pulse vibe pattern and a third push escalates the pattern and a final push of the button turns the thing off.

I liked the very unique and stylish packaging. Everything, except the little foam cushion at the bottom of the package is made of recyclable paper products. Thank you for being so conscientious, Nexus. There’s even a little black satin drawstring storage pouch included in the box. Very thoughtful.

So far so good.

Now my gripes.

The Nexus Revo is not waterproof. What where they thinking? Nexus could have easily gone the extra mine and made the battery compartment waterproof, but they didn’t. I simply don’t get that. This is a toy for your asshole, people! Those of us who love our holes want our insertable toys to be sanatizable. This one is decidedly not. I also like using my prostate toys in the shower and bath. There’s no way I can do that with this thing. Disappointed!

I also thought the battery compartment was poorly designed. I mean, not only is it not watertight, but it’s made of cheap plastic that I had to struggle with to close properly.

And why is there a battery compartment to begin with? This thing should be rechargeable. I mean battery-powered toys are so last decade. All you have to do is look around at the competition. There are GREEN companies out there that are producing 100% seamless silicone G-spot and P-spot toys that are completely waterproof and rechargeable and they are less expensive too.

What’s up with the one rotational speed option? I wanted to be able to kick it up at least one notch to get myself off when I was close. With the Nexus Revo I get close but there is just not enough stimulation to push me over the edge, if you know what I mean.

Hey Nexus, how can you ask your customers to shell out two hundred bucks for a battery-operated toy, with limited speed and vibration options that is not waterproof? Again, what are you thinking?
Full Review HERE!


Batter Up

Name: Trey
Gender: Male
Age: 17
I’m 17 years old. I hit puberty at age 10, so I have had time for my dick to grow, but it hasn’t. I’m 1 inch soft and 4 inches hard. Why? Is it normal? I mean all the other guys have dicks at least 4 inches soft and like 6-8 inches hard. Even one of my of my 13-year-old friends dick is honestly 6 inches soft! What is wrong with me? Why is mine so small? Is it abnormal for my age? I have heard that weight can have something to do with it? I’m about 240 pounds. Can you help? I can’t do surgeries or enhancement pills or whatever. I mean, give some names of medicines and I can talk to my doctor or something.

Normally I wouldn’t respond to yet another question about how one grows his dick bigger. I’ve already dedicated enough ink to this topic to last a lifetime. If you want the 411 on cock enlargement techniques of all types, all you have to do is use the search function in the header and search for topics like: cock size, cock shape and jelqing. Or look for these topics in the CATEGORY pull down menu in the sidebar. You’ll find everything I have to say on the subject.  Here’s an example of what I am talking about — Much Ado About Very Little.

But for your benefit, Trey, I’ll summarize. Our dick size is determined by genetics, like our skin color, hair color, stature and the like. Permanent male enhancement by any means, short of surgery, is a fiction. And surgery is an exceptionally risky procedure, often times only making matters worse.

The only reason I decided to publicly respond to your question, Trey, is because you mention your weight. You tell me you are 17 years old and you weigh about 240lbs. That’s astounding, pup. Unless you are 7” tall and built like a brick shithouse, you must be considerably overweight, perhaps even obese. If I were you, darlin’, I’d consider my weight problem to be a much bigger liability then the size of my baloney pony.

Seriously, one sure fire way to add to your dick size is to lose weight. Think about it, if your unit is struggling to peek out from under a big fold of fat hanging down from just above your cock, you could easily add a couple inches if you trimmed the fat. But dick size aside, you’re simply carrying too much weight and at such a tender age. YIKES!

You know you are at risk for diabetes, circulatory problems and cardiac problems, right? Each and every one of these will impact in a very negative way on your sexual response cycle. So even if you could magically grow you dick bigger, your weight will defeat you; making it impossible for you to get it up and get it off.

I encourage you to seriously consider a lifestyle change, pup. Do it so you’ll have a bigger dick, if that’s what you really want. And in the process you’ll also insure a healthier heart making that bigger dick of yours function like it oughta.

Good luck

Name: razor
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: Texas
My partner and I have been together for about 8 months now. I can’t even say we had a great, awesome, sex life at first. There was something else. I thought I had found a good person and friend in him. He is very sexy, lean and hung. Honestly, I should really want him. I’m poz, and he’s not. I, wonder if that could be the reason, why I don’t desire him? Afraid that I might hurt him somehow. Or could this be just what I think it is, could I just not want sex?

Mmmm, I’d go with the first option, if I had to pick one. I’d be willing to guess that the disparity between you and your BF’s HIV status is indeed getting in the way of your eroticism. And that’s a big fat bummer, because it doesn’t have to be like that.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the lack of desire for this hot and hunky HIV- guy isn’t getting in the way of you guys having a good relationship, is it? The reason I ask is that many happy secure relationships are based on other things besides sex. You say he’s a good person and a friend. Maybe that’s all you need to make this relationship work and last. Most long-term relationships wind up being relatively sexless anyway. Instead of sexual fulfillment, the couple finds contentment in the intimacy and stability of the relationship. And that is often more gratifying than a vigorous roll in the hay.

As to your fears about possibly hurting your guy through sex…well life is full of risks, right? Your man is equally aware of the possibility of an accidental sero-conversion as you, right? But he stays with you. Why is that? Maybe he’s willing to take the risk; because he has this other connection with you…ya know the friendship thing. Maybe he is confident about the safe sex he practices. Maybe sex is not all that important to him, considering he’s in a relationship with a good man who is his friend. Maybe you just oughta ask him.

At the same time, there’s loads of very pleasurable sexual activities you guys could involve yourselves in which carry very little to absolutely no risk of an HIV accident. Maybe you just need to get a little more creative in your sex play. Lots of mixed HIV couples have figured this out already.

Fear is an ugly thing, Razor. It can, as you suggest, shut down a person’s entire erotic life. But I encourage you not to let this happen to you. Push past your fears. Work with a sex-positive therapist or an HIV support group, if you must. Just don’t settle for the status quo. Even if your current relationship isn’t dependent on a regular slap and tickle, you oughtn’t live your life like you are some kind of Typhoid Mary. That is if you ask me.

Good luck

Now what?

Name: Jen
Age: 25
Location: Florida
I am a young and attractive female with a great personality and many friends, but when it comes to men… I just don’t get it. I date many guys, but I can’t seem to get a guy into a relationship. I wont have sex with a guy unless we’re a “couple”, but the men I date seem to be turned off by this fact and don’t stay in the picture for long. In the past, I would have sex with guys I dated, but it would always end as soon as a relationship was mentioned. Any tips on how to get a guy to stick around without having to put out?

Basically men are pigs, darling. They want what they want, when and how they want it. (And just for the record, you appear to be just like most men, right? You have a very strict notion about how things should be and you wanna have it just that way.)

Nowadays the men folk don’t think it’s necessary to commit to a relationship just to get laid. The marketplace, so to speak, is brimming over with less encumbered pussy.

Now, far be it from me to suggest that you change your behaviors or value system. But you might want to take a look at why you are using sex as a lure? Maybe you’re good in bed, but not great relationship material. Or it might be that you are simply fishing in the wrong hole, so to speak.

Try connecting with a good fundamentalist Christian boy or one of them fine Mormon missionaries that are always floating around in pairs. They’re generally cute as the dickens in their white shits and black ties. And they will probably have a similar outlook as you as to the proper place for sex.

However, you may also discover that men with more traditional values about sex also have very traditional notions about the place of women in a marriage. Ya know, like barefoot and pregnant. You may even find that one of these more traditional types will do you one better by insisting that there be no nookie till you convert and get married in the church or temple.

In other words, beware of what you wish for; you may actually get it!

Good luck

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

You betcha, darlin’! Let me call your attention to Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Click on the Video On Demand tab in the header. This will take you to the library’s start page. Once inside you’ll find everything your little hearts could desire in terms of guides for the budding perv. In particular, I’d like to call your attention to the series put out by the ever popular, Nina Hartley.

Nina is one of the most recognized and respected people in the adult industry. She is as well known for her outspoken support of the industry as she is for her more than 600 adult titles. Nina established herself as one of the top porn stars of the 80’s. Her success continued strong in the 90’s when she did some of her best work. Today she uses her position as one of the world’s most popular adult stars to advocate sex education and sexual freedom among couples and singles.

Look for: Nina Hartley’s Guide To The Perfect OrgyNina Hartley’s Guide To Stripping For Your PartnerNina Hartley’s Guide To Sex For The Bi-Curious WomanNina Hartley’s Guide To Foot FunNina Hartley’s Guide To Strap-On SexNina Hartley’s Guide To SpankingNina Hartley’s Guide To Double PenetrationNina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual DominationNina Hartley’s Guide To Couples SexplorationNina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes  and Nina Hartley’s Guide To Bondage Sex. Just to name a few.

These handy dandy guides demystifies the particular fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring, and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. And the visuals…well they will tantalize and inspire.

If Missy Nina doesn’t cover the particular kink that you are looking for, just do a search for the particular fetish you’re curious about. You’ll find just about everything at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Try search terms like: bondage, discipline, role-play, tickling, tit play, costumes, cock and ball torture, fetish, cross-dressing, diaper and medical play. The list goes on and on.

And the best part of all of this is that you’ll be able to view these videos by the scene, or in their entirety. Heck, you can even download to own. And you do it all from the comfort and security of your own computer. Simply put there’s no better way to become a big fat pervert than indulging in Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

Good luck

Libido Disparity, A Common Problem

Name: Chris
Gender: male
Age: 29
I’m 29 and I’ve been married for the last 3 years. I was seeing my wife for 5 years prior to being married so I guess it’s been a total of 8 years that we’ve been together. When we first got together everything was great the sex was outstanding ya know 69 all types of positions tons of oral, tons of foreplay and she had an orgasm every time. It seems that just in the last couple of years everything has dwindled away to the point where it’s her on top for a little bit, me on top for a little bit till I finish then we go back to the living room and hang out. Whenever I bring up the subject she gets very uncomfortable and won’t talk about it. And it’s really starting to freak me out in every aspect of our relationship. I love the girl, so I don’t want to go anywhere. I’m wondering if there’s any hope to get things back to the way they used to be that fresh hotness and spontaneity. How can I bring the heat back?

Like I always say, If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this same complaint from a frustrated and desperate man or woman trapped in an undersexed marriage, I’d have enough money to lay down my keyboard, give up my status as the most fabulous and revered sexpert in the universe and retire to Maui.

Despite the frequency of the grievance, it still breaks my heart to hear the despair. I mean it’s one thing to have the sexual connection between partners drift away by mutual consent. It’s another thing all together to have one partner dissolve the sexual connection unilaterally while leaving the other partner bewildered and disoriented.

And what gives with a partner who refuses to talk about why the sex has taken a nosedive? That is so wrong. I can understand not knowing exactly what to say about things goin’ south, or even how to say what may be on your mind, but to clam up all together, that’s just unfair. Suppose the problem had to do with finances instead of sex. What if one of you decided to start splurging on major purchases without consulting the other? There’d be hell to pay then, huh? There’d be no duckin’ out of the responsibility by clamin’ up in this instance, I’ll bet. But when it comes to sex, somehow the same rules for accountability don’t always apply. Why is that?

Sexuality is both a personal expression and a means of bonding with another. Thus sexual wellbeing in a relationship is way more than just the old in and out. It means taking responsibility for one’s eroticism as an integral part of relationship. Sex is a way of expressing one’s self as well as our love for the other. The confusion, unhappiness and anxiety that results from the breakdown of this fundamental tenet will, as you suggest Chris, spill over into and contaminate other areas of the relationship. But it doesn’t need to happen.

When I encounter this predicament in my counseling practice, I always build in some individual time with each partner even though the couple is there for “couples counseling.” I often get a much better sense of what’s causing the breakdown in these private sessions than I do when the couple and I work together as a threesome. Sometimes it’s easier for the individual to talk to me privately than to be open, honest and forthcoming about his/her feelings with his/her partner sitting right there.

My experience tells me that more often than not, a refusal to discuss sexual concerns has more to do with not knowing how to express oneself without hurting the feelings of the other. Sometimes an individual simply doesn’t know herself why things are different than they once were. Sometimes there are lifestyle issues at play — family concerns, work concerns, lack of sleep, drugs and alcohol consumption, etc. Sometimes there are medical and psychological issues that impact on a person’s libido — weight gain, birth control, other pharmaceutical drugs, diabetes and depression to mention a few.

There’s also something we in the business call: “desire discrepancy disorder,” which is just a fancy-schmancy way of saying one partner has a stronger libido then the other. But often the simplest and most ordinary explanation is that the partnered sex has become stale, rote and boring.

Whatever the cause of the imbalance, it needs to be addressed as a couple. Once the couple has identified the problem the next step is learning how to talk about it in an effective yet non-threatening way. This can be tricky, to say the least. But it is still so much easier than trying to avoid the issue all together.

Ok, so your wife is reluctant to discuss the matter with you, Chris. That just means you’re gonna have to be proactive in bringing this issue to a head. And I’m not suggesting that you browbeat your wife about her unwillingness to talk about the issue. It’s gonna be all about you leading by example. Here’s what I suggest. Set up a time for you and your wife to have a sit-down. This needs to be scheduled in advance so that both of you know it’s coming. There ought be no surprises. This conference should not immediately follow sex, especially disappointing sex. Set aside at least 30 minutes when you guys are fresh and relaxed and then start preparing what you want to say. Take notes if necessary.

When the time comes for the sit down, I encourage you to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Begin by laying out how you feel and owing your feelings. “I feel confused. I feel frustrated. I feel that our relationship is in jeopardy.” Stay away from statements like “you make me feel…blah, blah, blah. These kinds of pronouncements will only muddy the waters. Then I suggest that you invite your wife to do the same. If she can’t, or won’t, move on to what steps you will take to get to the bottom of this. Something like, “I don’t want to continue the status quo. I’ve decided that I am going to seek some professional help for this. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. I can’t get to the bottom of this on my own, so maybe a sex therapist will help me understand what’s going on.” Again, invite her to join you in this effort. If she refuses or stalls out, move on to closing the discussion. You might say something like, “thank you for hearing me out on this. I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but I think our relationship is worth the effort to preserve it. And I’m actually gonna do something to make sure that we stay together. My invitation to you to join me in this effort will remain open.” End of discussion!

Of course, if you take this route, you will have to follow through on your commitment. If you don’t you will sabotage the whole damn thing, which will only make matters considerably worse. I encourage you to find a sex-positive therapist to work with. A good resource for this is The American College of Sexologists. Visit the directory page on their website. You will find listings for certified sexologists and sex therapists all over the world. If there is no one near you, contact the person closest to you and ask for a referral. Often my fellow ACS therapists and sexologists are very well connected to the broader sex-positive communities in their area.

You may also wish to consult me, even if you’re not here in Seattle. Check out the Therapy Available link in the header of my site for all the information you’ll need to make an enlightened decision about working with me.

Whatever you do, don’t settle for the path of least resistance. Your leadership might be just the thing your wife is looking for to muster her own strength to face the facts. Either way, the problem you are facing will not go away simply by ignoring it. Disappointments will become resentments and resentments will inevitably lead to acting-out and that will surely fuck things up royally.

Good luck