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Pesky Pronouns

Name: Lynn
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Location: Eugene, OR
I have a friend who is driving me (us) crazy. She is my age and we’ve been best friends since grade school. Last year I came out to her as a lesbian and she was very supportive and loving. This year it’s her turn. She cut her hair really short and now only wears men’s clothes. Thing is, she’s not gay, or lesbian. In fact, she doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. As far as I know she’s still a virgin. She told me that she’s gender queer. I was like, OK cool. Then she changed her name and wanted all her friends to call her by her new gender-neutral name. I was like, OK cool. Now she wants us to use gender-neutral pronouns—they, their, and them when referring to “her.” This just sounds dumb. I want to be loving and supportive of her, like she was for me, but I don’t understand what’s going on. It’s like this whole thing is an act, like she is trying to see how much attention she can get. A lot of our friends have just given up on her, but I don’t want to do that. At the same time it’s like she’s mocking our trans friends who have real gender concerns. Am I being a dick for not wanting to go along with this?

Curious word choice there, young lesbian Lynn. Are you being a dick? Hell, I don’t know. What I can say for certain is, if we were being totally politically correct, we wouldn’t use euphemisms for our genitals in a derogatory way, right? Luckily, I’m not the least bit PC as you will discover from my comments below.gender-fuck

The question you raise in your email is a thorny one and I’m not sure I know how to respond. Gender is the new hot button issue and it is rapidly becoming the litmus test for PC crowd. As you suggest, it sometimes looks as though some folks are just trying to get attention or see how much the traffic will bear.

I’m going to be pretty self-referential in my response because I feel like I’ve been here before. Let me explain.

When I was about your age and into my early 20’s the modern gay lib movement here in the US was just finding its footing. Stonewall had just happened and those of us on the sexual fringe were tying to come up with a new vocabulary with which to talk about ourselves. No one I knew liked the term homosexual for obvious reasons. Some of us, myself included, preferred the term, homophile. The difference being one was about loving, the other was about sex. That term didn’t catch on, but “gay” sure did. I was fine with that, even though it wasn’t my first choice. As I began to take a closer look at my sexual orientation and identity, I became a bit more radical; gay just didn’t cut it anymore. I began to embrace the term “queer.”

look!When I was a boy, the term queer, often directed at me because I wasn’t like the other boys, was hate-filled and hurtful. It stung and I was ashamed. By my mid 20’s, however, I was no longer ashamed. In fact, I was full of a new found fervor that was connected to my new found identity as a sexual outlaw. I know for certain that my radicalness was a little off-putting to some people, even people who wanted to love and support me.

After I passed through my militancy stage, I continued to use the term queer to describe myself as a way of showing the world that I had reclaimed and detoxified the word that once brought me shame. It became my own personal badge of honor.  Maybe you’ve had a similar ark in your coming out, Lynn.

The curious thing is I’ve lived long enough to see the term I fought so hard to reclaim morph yet again. Nowadays, when someone self-identifies as queer, more often than not, it has to do with gender; it no longer has a strong sexual connotation. I feel a little bummed about this because one of my favorite words has been coopted by another group of people.  But that’s the nature of language, right?Gender-Outlaws6

Over the decades since I first began to struggle with who I was and how I would talk about myself to others, I’ve seen numerous fracturing of the solidarity we sexual outlaws might have had. There was a virulent strain of lesbian separatism that cropped up in the mid 70’s. But most of that has dissipated since. And there was the radicalism that came with HIV/AIDS, which turned quiet, unassuming, cocktail sipping homos into fearless street fighters. That too has played itself out. In fact, now that marriage equality is all the rage, some of us old queers are asking if it’s still possible to be a sexual outlaw by just being gay. I fear not. Apparently, gender benders are the new sexual outlaws. OK, my time has past; I get it. I have no hard feelings, but I do have a wistfulness for days gone by.

It’s also been my experience that some of us, and I include my younger self in this category, have an uncanny ability to alienate loads of people with our politics. That can be a good thing, but radicalism can, and often does, alienate those who would naturally be our allies as well as some of those who struggle next to us. There’s nothing more devastating to a popular movement than having a bunch of edgier-than-thou folks setting themselves up as the thought police. When this happens, as it always does, it suggests to me that we are more interested in making a point than making a connection. This is a particularly acute problem for the newly liberated crowd, often found on college campuses. They are flush with indignation as they discover that life is not fair. They tend to use the scattergun approach when doling out their fury regardless if those around them are deserved of their wrath or not.

fuck genderThe current incarnation of the gender liberation movement suffers from a lot of the excesses that other liberation movements have experienced before it—intolerance and dogmatism among them. The thing is, gender-fuck has a long history and an honored place in sexual politics. However, in the past, this has mostly expressed itself in street theater. Nowadays, there is precious little humor among the new gender warriors, and very few of these zealots can laugh at themselves. That tells me we’re all in for a very rough ride ahead.

I know how important a shift in vocabulary is to making the dominant culture see its oppression, but the pronoun thing is just awkward. For one thing, there’s no agreement on what pronouns to use for those who are rallying for gender neutrality. Some people militate for they, their, and them. Others want the even more extreme “ze,” pronounced as the letter zee. And “hir,” pronounced here. As in, “Ze went to the store and bought hirself an ice cream cone.” Well, if you wanna do that to the language go right ahead, but I refuse!

Besides, are we just supposed to use these twisted pronouns when the gender warrior is in our company, or are we to alter our vocabulary even when they aren’t around? Try using they, their, and them when referring to someone who isn’t present. Confusion will reign.gender neutral pronouns

Lynn, I don’t know your friend so I can hardly make a call on whether your friend is being authentic, disingenuous, or histrionic. But I don’t think you should beat yourself up if you draw the line at a pronoun shift. If your friend takes offense, as well your friend might, you could always compromise and use no pronouns ever in relation to your friend. Simply use your friend’s chosen name each time a pronoun might serve you better. In time, this will surely get exhausting for both you and your friend. But maybe this exercise will help your friend see that you are not the enemy and maybe your friend will then cut you a little slack.

Good luck

Learning the ropes

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Location: Alaska
I am gay. I still have trouble saying that because of my very conservative upbringing, but that is not what I need help with today. I had my first few sexual encounters the other week with this great understanding, older guy. When he was blowing me it felt great, however I wasn’t able to cum during the oral sex. Is this normal? And is there anything I can do to change that? Thank you so much for any help, and the chance to say something to someone about being gay. I don’t get to talk about issues in this genre because of the taboo-ness of the issue. Thanks a lot- James

Wow, sorry to hear you’re living in such a repressive environment, pup. I hope that changes for you soon. Just remember, change is gonna begin with you. The longer you put up with the repression the harder it will be to break its grip.

Coming out is rarely a breeze for anyone. This is especially true for those, like yourself, who were raised in a conservative home. But then throwing off the shackles of oppression, however they present themselves, will make you a much better person in the long run. Like the old saying goes; “If you allow someone to control your sexuality, you allow that person to control all of you.” So nothing reverses the repression quicker than exercising your sexuality on your own terms.

As to the oral sex question you raise, I’ve written a whole lot about that already. You might want to glance over to the sidebar and look for CATEGORIES pull down menu. Look for the main category — Sex Therapy. Then look for the subcategory — Ejaculation Concerns.You’ll find a load of written postings and podcasts.

The gist of what I’ve had to say about this is; it’s not uncommon for a guy not to get off with just a blowjob. This is particularly true for someone who is new to the whole hummer thing. There’s also the distinct possibility that the guy doin the blowin’ may not be a particularly talented cocksucker. It happens! It happens a lot, believe me.

That being said, there are things you can do to change this if that’s what you really want. First and foremost, you need to communicate with your partner on how he’s doing down there. Ya see most of us guys get real used to the feel of our hand on our wang while jerkin-off. After years of practice we get our stroke down to a science. We know exactly when to apply more pressure, or loosen our grip. We know exactly when to speed up the stroke and when to ease off. We know exactly when to yank on our balls or stick a finger in our ass and diddle our prostate. We know all of this because our body is giving us constant feedback all the time we’re playin’ with ourselves.

On the other hand, the cocksucker between our legs isn’t gettin that kind of immediate sensory feedback, so he’s not gonna know what to do when. That is, unless you tell him. And it’s really ok to give the guy a little direction. A talented cocksucker, of course, will already know how to ask you for feedback. After all, he’s new to your cock and his experience tells him that all cocks respond the same why to the same stimulus.

Another thing you can do is relax. There’s not a whole lot of “shoulds” when it comes to sex. So the more relaxed you are the more you will be able to enjoy the pleasure. If your mind is all busy with dumb shit like — oh my god, I’m not gettin off, what must he think of me? — then you’re not in the moment and the pleasure is wasted on you.

Finally, the best way to learn how to receive a good blowjob is to become a fabulous cocksucker yourself. Smokin’ you some fine pole is an art form. It’s way more than simply than rappin’ your lips around a bloke’s dick. The more you understand about superior cocksucking the better you’ll be at guiding your partners through the fine points of eatin’ you meat. So get out there and get some experience.

Not sure what to do when faced with a big beautiful baloney pony? Well, you’re in luck. Check out my sexual enrichment tutorial: So Ya Wanna Be A World-Class Cocksucker …OR HOW TO GIVE THE PERFECT BLOW JOB.

Good Luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Hers and Hers, Part 1

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday! And we’re comin’ down to the last two reviews of the year. Both this week and next we will feature a Zini vibe. You are following these reviews, right? If not, I suggest that you do because they are doing some remarkable stuff. You can find all our reviews by going to drdicksextoyreviews.com, use the search function in the sidebar and type in “Zini.”

Dr Dick Review Crew partners, Joy & Dixie, are here to tell us about today’s pleasure product and they will return next week to review our last toy of the year too.

Zini Zook —— $150.00

Joy & Dixie
Dixie: “So the reason that Joy and I are up two weeks in a row is that we have two very similar vibes to tell you about. They are both Zini vibes. They are virtually twins in concept—stylized rabbit vibes; the only difference between the two is contours of the pleasure points. If this seems a little vague at the moment, don’t worry, we’ll clear it up for you.”zook 01
Joy: “The two vibes in question are the Zook, today’s review, and the Hua, which we will tell you about next week.”
Dixie: “The Zook is a pleasure to look at and handle. Its sculptured, relatively slim shaft is vaguely reminiscent of a bamboo shoot and the clit stimulator is reminiscent of a bamboo leaf. The vibe is covered in a luscious, high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. You will want to use a fine water-based lube with the Zook, of course. Because you know that using a silicone-based lube with a silicone toy is a no-no, right? It will mar the finish. The Zook comes in three different colors, mine is dark wine.”
Joy: “The Zook employs two motors, which deliver five speeds and fifteen vibrating functions. The vibrations are the buzzy kind not the rumbling kind. And, like so many of the other Zini products the Dr Dick Review Crew has reviewed, it features a three-button control panel that is easy to use and understand. The “+” button turns on the vibe and accelerates the speed through its five settings. The “-” button decelerates the speed and turns off the vibe. The round button between the other two rotates through the pulsation modes. Every press of the button makes the Zook flash a different color. And it is remarkably quiet.”product_zook_04
Dixie: “I noticed while using the Zook that the vibrations are equally strong in the handle as it is in the insertable end. This may be a problem for some women, particularly older women have very sensitive hands.”
Joy: “Yes, it wasn’t a problem for me either, but you make a good point.”
Dixie: “The two other features that make this vibe so special are it is waterproof and rechargeable. This delights me no end. Another recent Zini review revealed that one of their other high-end vibes, the Roae, wasn’t waterproof and so it didn’t get as praise worthy a review as our review.”
Joy: “The Zook comes with a USB recharging cable. It takes a couple of hours to fully charge the unit and you get several hours of pleasuring on a charge. Another thoughtful feature is the travel lock. No surprises when you travel with this beauty.”
Dixie: “The fact that Zook is made of silicone and its fully waterproof makes it so easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. And it should be shared!”
Joy: “Each of our colleagues on the Dr Dick Review Crew, who have had the good fortune to review one of the Zini products, has called attention to the esthetically pleasing packaging. Dixie and I concur; it’s really very nice and ready for gift giving. Heck, it even comes with a very elegant drawstring storage pouch.”
Dixie: “I want to call attention to the recharge port, which is sealed with a watertight plug. Take care to ensure that the plug is set good and tight before submerging it in the bath…YUM!…or when cleaning.”product_zook_01
Joy: “Zook is the more girthy of the two vibes. The Hua, which will be reviewed next week, is sleeker. Zook’s leaf-shaped clitoral stimulator is more flexible than its sister, the Hua. This flexibility has its advantages and disadvantages. It’s soft to the touch, and if your clit is super sensitive, that might work for you. But if you’re used bearing down with some pressure on your clit, then this may be frustrating. I know I say this every time we review one of these stylized rabbit vibes, but it bears repeating. The one size or one shape fits all concept is a fiction. But then again, maybe that’s why there are so many styles and shapes out there. The trick is for each of us it to find precisely the right one that will pleasure us. And there are so many variables — insertable length, curve of the shaft, length of the clit vibe, and on and on.”
Dixie: “We wholehearted recommend the Zook, particularly for a woman new to vaginal and clitoral stimulation. We also want to let you know that the Zook is just as handy and pleasurable in your butt. So all you guys out there experimenting with anal sex, you will enjoy it too.”
Joy: “Let’s recap, shall we? Zook is body-safe, healthy, GREEN, rechargeable, waterproof, moderately powerful, and super quiet. The sad thing is, it’s not available anywhere in North America that we know of.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

All that glitters

Hey sex fans!

It’s the black Friday edition of Product Review Friday! And we turn again to Zini for today’s pleasure product.  I believe this marks our seventh review from their line. You are following these reviews, right? If not, I suggest that you do. You can find all our reviews by going to drdicksextoyreviews.com, use the search function in the sidebar and type in “Zini.”

Today we have a vibe designed for women. Here is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Christa, for the lowdown.

Zini ROAE —— $135.99

Christa
I loves me some high-end sex toys. They always make me feel so elegant, and that’s a pretty hard thing to do because I ain’t elegant at all. In fact, I’m kind of a schlub. Don’t get me wrong, just because a vibe is expensive doesn’t make it good. I’ve learned that the hard way.zini_roae_black_gold_size

I know you’ve seen the stuff I’m talking about; stuff that comes in gussied up packaging with fancy-schmancy logos. Stuff that looks so promising, but turns out to be a big fat dud. I hate when that happens. My time on the Dr Dick Review crew has helped me become a little less dazzled with the externals, like packaging and shit like that, and withhold judgment till I get my hot little hands on the thing and put it through its paces. Because, like they say, not everything that glitters is gold.

This gets me to my Zini ROAE, which, curiously enough, is black and gold. BTW, it comes in other color combinations too. Now when I see a vibe doin’ the whole gold thing, I say to my self, “Whoa! Are you trying to dazzle me? ‘Cuz if you are, I’m way ahead of you, buddy.”

So what is the ROAE, you may be asking. Well I’ll tell ya. It is indeed an attractive internal/external vibe, a highly stylized rabbit design if you will, that is supposed to stimulates your G-spot and clit at the same time. It has dual motors and it is covered in luxurious latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. It is beautiful to the touch. It’s also rechargeable, via a USB cable, which is the only way to go nowadays. If you’re still buying battery-operated toys, I don’t even know what to say to you, except GET WITH IT!

zini_roae_gspot_vibrator-02-lrgI was sad to learn that the ROAE is not waterproof. That’s a bummer. I expect all high-end vibes to be waterproof, don’t you?. This spashproof nonsense has got to stop, if ya ask me.

Here’s the thing about the ROAE; it’s a really great design, but it seems like the designers just blew off the recharge port cover. It’s made of this really flimsy plastic that could easily snap off. Had they made it so the port cover was sturdier and created a watertight seal, like their SEED vibe, all would be well.  I mean, why in the world would a company go to all the expense of making something as good as ROAE, but skimp in this very important detail? It’s beyond me.

Anyone who has used one of these internal/external vibes, and there are dozens and dozens of them out there, will know that one size does not fit all. All of us gals have a slightly different genital configuration. Sure everything is in approximately the same place—clit is here, G-spot there—but our uniqueness will either make of break a vibe design for each of us. What works for you may not work for me. I gave up hope long ago that I would ever find precisely the right configuration of an internal/external design to pleasure both my G-spot and clit at the same time. I guess I’m just built weird. But that doesn’t diminish the effectiveness of the ROAE. I don’t mind rocking it back and forth—a little G-spot stimulation, then some more clit stimulation. To tell you the truth, I’m not all that enamored with my G-spot. For me it’s all about my clit. When I jill-off I rarely insert anything into my vagina. I don’t use the ROAE, or any such vibe, internally, even if the designer says that’s how it’s supposed to be used. I’ll be the judge of that, if ya don’t mind. The tip of the ROAE is real good for clit stimulation too and it provides a different sensation than the flat head pad, at the other end of the vibe, the side that is “supposed” to be the clit stimulator.zini_roae_gspot_vibrator-03-lrg

The ROAE delivers a kind of diffuse stimulation, even at its most intense. I chalk this up to the silicone skin. I suspect it mutes a lot of the vibrations. This isn’t a bad thing, especially for women new to vibration. But if you are one of those gals that needs a vibrator that is so intense you need to kick-start it, this vibe will disappoint. The ROAE is remarkably quiet too.

I like the three-button control panel, which is easy to use and understand. The “+” button turns on the vibe and accelerates the speed through its five speeds. The “-” button decelerates the speed and turns off the vibe. The round button between the other two rotates through the 15 pulsation modes.

Remember only water-based lube with a velvety silicone toy like this.

Now to the issue of clean up. Because the ROAE isn’t waterproof you can’t clean it as well as you might like. Submerging a toy for deep cleaning is optimum, but there’s no submerging this guy. There is an obvious seam between the gold plastic in the handle and the silicone skin. I discovered that I needed to use an old toothbrush, along with the warm water and mild soap, to make sure this area is clean. The owner’s manual says you can’t use chemical or alcohol-based cleaners on it. WHAT? I don’t know why this is so because every other silicone toy I know of doesn’t exclude these types of cleaners. Whatever, this pretty much eliminates the possibility of sanitizing it for sharing. That’s another huge bummer because my butt-boy BF, Alex, sure enough wanted to use this toy in his ass. He reminded me that all G-spot vibes also work on P-spots. “Yeah, Alex, I know. You tell me that every time I get a G-spot vibe to review. I may just wind up giving it to him and forgo using it ever again myself. ;-(

zini-roae-black-gold-boxed-1-850x850I want to call attention to the packaging; it’s signature Zini all the way. It’s elegant without being ostentatious and it’s recyclable.

I was torn about a recommendation. On the one hand, the ROAE has a beautiful stylistic design; it’s made of silicone, and it’s rechargeable. On the other hand, there is the spashproof, not waterproof, issue, which has implications in terms of cleaning and sanitizing. For the longest time I struggled with this. I had to ask myself, could I wholeheartedly recommend a super pricy vibe that has such glaring problems? In the end, the answer was, sadly no.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Seedling

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday! This week we continue with more of the Zini product line. You are following these reviews, right? If not, I suggest that you do because we have been mighty impressed with what we have discovered so far. You can find all our reviews by going to drdicksextoyreviews.com, use the search function in the sidebar and type in “Zini.”

Today we have a mini vibe that is designed to enhance solo as well as couple play. Here is Dr Dick Review Crew member, Jada, to tell us all about it.

Zini Seed —— $99.99

Jada
I finally got a crack at one of the Zini toys. Luckily there are so many different products in their amazing line. I’m here to tell you about the Zini Seed. A curious name for a personal vibe, don’t you think? Well that’s what I thought too until I saw it for the first time. It looks like an exotic seedpod.product_seed_01

The Zini Seed is very petite, not even 4.5” long and just 1.25” wide. It’s available in three color combinations; mine is violet and black. It’s designed to deliver pinpoint stimulation where you want it — clit, nipples, you name it. It’s fits comfortably in your hand, which make it easy to direct the vibrations right where you want them to be. And best of all, it is rechargeable and waterproof.

I love it! It’s such a sweet little thing.

It’s so unobtrusive, that my husband welcomes it in our couple play. He likes to use it on me and he even turns it on himself from time to time. He chuckles as the buzzy vibrations, delivered to his penis through the soft and velvety silicone tip, tickle his fancy. Because the Seed is so diminutive, you shouldn’t expect it to have the same kind of rumbling vibrations a much larger vibe might deliver.

product_seed_04I love that we can laugh during our sex play. It wasn’t always like this. When we were first married I was so uptight and he was so macho. Our sex life was a chore. Being part of the Dr Dick Review Crew has brought us both out of our shell. When I started to bring home toys and other products, my husband wasn’t sure how he felt about it all. Happily, he now appreciates how enriching most have been to our sex life. He has come a long way and so have I. Now when I hear other women complain that their sex life is all work and no play I turn these women on to the reviews gathered here. I’m certain that this has saved more than one marriage.

First thing out of the box you’ll need to fully charge the Seed. It took me approximately 2 hours to fully charge, which provided me approximately 3 hours of use. The control panel lights up when charging and it changes color, from red to blue, when fully charged. The package I received had two types of recharging cables, one wall plug, albeit for a European outlet, and one USB cable. Obviously, I used the USB cable. The cable connects to the vibe via a port in its base. The port is then sealed by a plug, which creates a waterproof seal. I love that the Seed is waterproof. I know from reading some of the other Zini reviews that not all their product line is waterproof, so I’m so glad that mine is.

The three-button control panel is easy to use and understand. The “+” button turns on the vibe and accelerates the speed through its five settings. The “-” button decelerates the speed and turns off the vibe. The round button between the other two rotates through the 10 pulsation modes. Every press of the button makes the Zini Seed flash a different color. And it is remarkably quiet. One thing, and this isn’t a problem really, but because the Seed is so small the whole unit vibrates, although the silicone encased tip delivers the most intense and spot-on vibration. There is also a travel lock feature.

Because the business end of the Seed is hypoallergenic, latex free, non-porous, and phthalate-free silicone, you’ll need to use a water-based lube with it. As you probably know, a silicone-based lube would mar the surface of the vibe. At the same time, because the Seed is silicone and waterproof, cleaning it couldn’t be easier. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. And it should be shared!product_seed_06

The beautiful black presentation box is worthy of note. It is very elegant and it would make a fantastic gift even without further wrapping. All the packaging is recyclable. Zini clearly has an ecological conscience. The Seed lies nestled beneath a plastic bubble in a compartment just under the lid of the box. Now swing that compartment to the side and you will find another compartment containing the user manual, recharging cable, and a sweet storage pouch big enough for both the vibe and the cable. It’s really quite lovely.

Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

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