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Redefining Sexuality after Stroke


You can have a healthy sex life after having a stroke.

By StrokeSmart Staff

You can have a healthy sex life after having a stroke. In fact, it’s a key part of getting back into a normal routine. The need to love and be loved is significant. Also, the physical and mental release that sex provides is important.

The quality of a couple’s sexual relationship following a stroke differs from couple to couple. Most couples find that their sexual relationship has changed, but not all find this to be a problem. The closeness that a couple shares before a stroke is the best indicator of how their relationship will evolve after the stroke.

However, having sex after a stroke can present problems and concerns for both you and your partner.

Stroke survivors often report a decrease in sexual desire. Women report a strong decrease in the ability to have an orgasm and men often have some degree of impotency. A stroke can change your body, how you feel and impact your sex life.

Having good communication with your partner, managing depression, controlling pain or incontinence and working with impotence can all help you resume a healthy sex life.

Communication is Key

Talking about sex is hard for many people. It gets even more complicated after having a stroke, when you may be unable to understand or say words or have uncontrollable laughing or crying spells. But it is critical to talk openly and honestly with your partner about your sexual needs, desires and concerns. Encourage your partner to do the same. If you are having a difficult time communicating with your partner about sex, an experienced counselor can help.

Depression, Pain and Medication — How They Effect Your Sex Drive

It is common for stroke survivors and their partners to suffer from depression. When you are depressed, you tend to have less interest in sexual intimacy. Depression can be treated with medications. You may also be taking medicine for anxiety, high blood pressure, spasticity, sleeping problems or allergies. Addressing these medical concerns can increase your sex drive. But know that some medication can also have side effects that interfere with your sex life. If your ability to enjoy sex has decreased since your stroke, talk with your doctor about medicines that have fewer sexual side effects.

Many stroke survivors also have problems with pain, contributing to a loss of sexual desire, impotence and the ability to have an orgasm. This is a normal reaction. Work with your doctor to develop a program to manage your pain and increase your sexual desire.

Controlling incontinence

If you are having trouble with controlling your bladder or bowel, being afraid that you will have an accident while making love is understandable. There are a few steps you can take to help make incontinence during sex less of a concern.

  • Go to the bathroom before having sex
  • Avoid positions that put pressure on the bladder
  • Don’t drink liquids before sexual activity
  • Talk to your partner about your concerns
  • Place plastic covering on the bed, or use an incontinence pad to help protect the bedding
  • Store cleaning supplies close in case of accidents

If you have a catheter, you can ask your doctor’s permission to remove it and put it back in afterwards. A woman with a catheter can tape it to one side. A man with a catheter can cover it with a lubricated condom. Using a lubricant or gel will make sex more comfortable.

Working With Impotence

Impotence refers to problems that interfere with sexual intercourse, such as a lack of sexual desire, being unable to keep an erection or trouble with ejaculation. Today, there are many options available to men with this problem. For most, the initial treatment is an oral medicine. If this doesn’t work, options include penile injections, penile implants or the use of vacuum devices. Men who are having problems with impotence should check with their doctors about corrective medicines. This is especially true if you have high blood pressure or are at risk for a heart attack. Once you have talked to your partner and you are both ready to begin a post-stroke sexual relationship, set yourself up to be comfortable. Start by reintroducing familiar activities such as kissing, touching and hugging. Create a calm, non-pressure environment and remember that sexual satisfaction, both giving and receiving, can be accomplished in many ways.

Ask the Doctor

Things to discuss with your doctor:

  1. Medications for depression and pain that have fewer sexual side effects.
  2. Changes you should expect when having sex and advice on how to deal with them. Be sure to discuss when it is safe to have sex again.
  3. Impotence and corrective medications.
  4. Incontinence — a urologist who specializes in urinary functions may be able to provide help in this area.

Tips for Enjoying Sex After a Stroke

  • Communicate your feelings honestly and openly.
  • if you have trouble talking, use touch to communicate. It is a very intimate way to express thoughts, needs and desires.
  • after stroke, your body and appearance may have changed. Take time for you and your partner to get used to these changes.
  • Maintain grooming and personal hygiene to feel attractive for yourself and for your partner.
  • explore your body for sexual sensations and areas of heightened sensitivity.
  • have intercourse when you are rested and relaxed and have enough time to enjoy each other.
  • try planning for sex in advance, so you can fully enjoy it.
  • Be creative, flexible and open to change.
  • the side of the body that lacks feeling or that causes you pain needs to be considered. Don’t be afraid to use gentle touch or massage in these areas.
  • if intercourse is too difficult, remember there are many ways to give and receive sexual satisfaction.

Complete Article HERE!


How To Get Your Partner Into Sex Toys


By Jess McIntyre

Whether you’re in a new relationship or a well-established one, there’s every reason to introduce toys for your mutual sexual happiness. Put simply, the couple that plays together are more likely to stay together – and there’s some science behind that.

First of all, the excitement of trying out sex toys stimulates the production of dopamine – the chemical that plays a big role in both sexual arousal and pleasure in general. Meanwhile, for the large majority of women the simple in-and-out of vaginal penetration alone isn’t usually the route to orgasm, but add some clitoral stimulation and you’re far more likely to score a “Yes!”. Having an orgasm produces oxytocin – also known as the ‘bonding’ hormone – which has the long term effect of making people feel closer to and more supportive of their partner.

So, the science is great – but if you’re not yet using sex toys together, how do you get past any potential embarrassment, and avoid either partner being made to feel defensive about their bedroom technique? Here are some possible dilemmas and corresponding suggestions that could help you set off on a new adventure together.

I’ve just started a new relationship. How do I admit to my partner that I already use sex toys?

It’s always best to be honest, but be sensitive and approach the subject in a casual manner outside of the bedroom. Maybe mention that you recently saw lubricant for sale in your local supermarket and how it made you smile! Judging by your partner’s reaction, you’ll know right away if you could immediately let on about your sex toy collection, or whether to stick to a more subtle hint such as, “Do you think we should pick up some lube next time we’re out?” By keeping the conversation light-hearted and jovial, you can easily disperse any tension and it will be easier to gauge what they think of the idea. It’s always a good idea to be honest from the beginning.

My partner says that if I was satisfied with them, I wouldn’t need a sex toy. How do I convince them this isn’t the case?

The trouble is that people who aren’t familiar with sex toys are often thinking of huge dildo vibrators that are, quite frankly, intimidating! But these are really just a fraction of what’s available. The most popular toys are actually things like small bullet vibrators for clitoral stimulation, or stretchy cock rings for happy erections, and they’re far from scary.

Reassure your partner that you find your sex life fulfilling but that you don’t want them to feel under pressure to be responsible alone for bringing you to orgasm. Using a mini vibrator or a cock ring can provide pleasure for you both.

A great way to turn a man’s prejudices on their head might be to buy a male toy for you both to enjoy using on him first. A textured stroker sleeve adds a whole new dimension to a hand job, and could prove to be the path to his sex toy enlightenment…

It should be noted that toys are not supposed to replace nor detract from what your partner brings to your play time in the bedroom. If anything, toys should be seen as a treat designed to enhance the experience and discover more about each other.

We do both want to use sex toys together, but we don’t know where to start

It’s a great idea to choose something together. Cuddle up with a glass of wine on a weekend evening and browse the Lovehoney website – you’re sure to find something you both like. There’s lots of advice in the ‘Help’ section to assist you, too.

If you’re in a male/female couple you could start with a toy that stimulates you both at the same time. The Tracey Cox Supersex Twin Vibrating Love Ring is great for getting you both off, for example. The stretchy cock ring part can give him a bigger, harder erection and more powerful orgasm, while the vibrating bullet in the top provides vibrations to both her clitoris and his testicles.

Same sex relationships benefit from toys just the same as hetero relationships. And strap ons aren’t just for the girls! Guys are also both using and allowing their partners to please them with these helpful and amazing tools to enhance their experience between the sheets..and anywhere else!

Or why not go for a vibrating wand massager? Originally created for soothing tired muscles, wands are also great for stimulating erogenous zones such as inner thighs or the nape of the neck, plus intimate parts such as the labia, testicles and more.

The most important part of using sex toys together is to communicate. Go ahead and experiment, and if at any point you start to feel numb or uncomfortable, speak up – your partner won’t know unless you tell them. By the same token, if you especially enjoy something, let your partner know – the joy of discovering a new favourite sensation together is what sex toys are all about!

Complete Article HERE!


Rheumatoid arthritis and sexual dysfunction: Impact and tips


By: Devon Andre

Close Up Of Senior Couple Holding Hands On Beach

Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is accompanied by sexual dysfunction in one-third of all RA patients, both men and women. The study found that there are a number of issues that affect RA patients, including low libido, painful intercourse, orgasmic dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and non-satisfactory sexual life.

Dr. Pedro Santos-Moreno, lead author, said, “Sexuality is an important dimension of an individual’s personality, and sexual problems can have a seriously detrimental impact on a couple’s relationship. It is, therefore, rather surprising that, up until now, very little quality research on sexual disturbances in RA patients has been published in the literature, bearing in mind how common the problems are.”

Factors associated with rheumatoid arthritis and sexual dysfunction

There are many factors that affect the prevalence and aggravation of sexual problems, but the relationship between sexual dysfunction and RA disease activity has never been statistically significant. On the other hand, there is a connection between not being sexually active and disease activity.

The study examined three types of factors – precipitating, predisposing, and maintenance – to see how they would influence the prevalence and worsening of sexual disturbances in rheumatoid arthritis.

Precipitating factors for sexual dysfunction in women and men with RA included infidelity, insecurity in a sexual role, and biological or physical causes. The range of predisposing factors in women and men were related to image changes, infidelity, anxiety, and loss of attraction.

Factors believed to be responsible for sexual disturbance in RA included biological causes, infidelity, general alteration of a couple’s relationship, partner’s sexual dysfunction, depression, and anxiety.

The relationship between these factors and disease activity was not found to be statistically significant.

Effects of rheumatoid arthritis on sexual activity

Rheumatoid arthritis may pose some challenges when it comes to sex, but maintaining a healthy sex life while living with RA is very possible. For starters, it’s important to maintain an open conversation with your partner about your needs, feelings, desires, and challenges. Intimacy may have to be changed with different touches, techniques, sexual devices, and new positions to accommodate the condition.

Sexual activity should take place when you are feeling your best throughout the day, which means saving sexual activity for the nighttime may not always be a viable option, as many people feel their worse at this time. Avoid cold temperatures as they can worsen rheumatoid arthritis symptoms. Lastly, keep a good attitude and remember that the goal of intimacy is the emotional closeness.

Aspects that can affect the sexual expression of a rheumatoid arthritis patient include severity of the disease, levels of fatigue, degree of pain, physical limitations, contribution of movement and touch, self-perception, side effects of medications, and effects of surgery.

senior intimacy

Tips to manage sexual function with rheumatoid arthritis

Here’s what you can do to manage sexual function with rheumatoid arthritis:

  • Plan ahead for sex – choose times when you know you are feeling your best and most rested.
  • Nap before sexual activity.
  • Take a warm shower or bath, or use a heating pad to relieve stiffness.
  • Time pain medications so they are at peak effect during sex.
  • Use massage to help relax muscles and joints.
  • Pile up pillows or rolled sheets to offer support.
  • Pace yourself to save energy.

By trying out some of these tips, you can improve your sexual function despite living with rheumatoid arthritis.

Complete Article HERE!


Five things that everyone should know about sex


The internet has changed sex and relationships forever. So if your education in the subject stopped at 16, here’s a refresher for the modern world




What was your sex education like? Did you get any at all past the age of 16? Given that only a quarter to a third of young people have sex before they are 16, but most will have had sex at least once by the age of 19, it seems remiss not to provide high-quality sex education for the 16-25 age range (especially since that is the age group most at risk of contracting STIs such as chlamydia).

Unfortunately, sex education hasn’t moved on much from puberty, plumbing and prevention, and is often reported as being too little, too late and too biological. In the new internet world order where porn and internet hook-ups prevail, and the use of dating apps by perpetrators of sexual violence was reported last week to have increased sharply, it is time we provided sex and relationships education fit for the 21st century, to help us to enjoy our bodies safely.

So if you missed out on quality sex education, or could do with a top-up, here are five things relating to sex and relationships you might want to think about:

1. Sexuality – We live in a heteronormative world, where gender binary and heterosexual norms prevail. Fixed ideas about sexual identity and sexuality can be limiting. We all need to understand sex as something more than a penis in a vagina and recognise that sex with all sorts of different body parts (or objects) in all sorts of wonderful configurations can be had. That’s not to say you have to experience kinds of sex outside your own comfort levels and boundaries. Be aware of how media, cultural background, gender and power dynamics influence sexuality. Monogamous heterosexuality does not have to be your path.

2) Consent – what it looks like, what it sounds like, what it feels like. Enthusiastic consent should be a baseline expectation, not an aspiration. Without enthusiastic consent then sex is no fun (and quite feasibly rape). If consent is in any doubt at all, you need to stop and check in with your partner. You might even want to think about introducing safe words into your sexual interactions and ensuring you and your partner are confident using them.

‘Taking time to challenge and explore ideas around pleasure will help with your sex education.’

‘Taking time to challenge and explore ideas around pleasure will help with your sex education.’

3) Pleasure – sex can be one of the most awesomely fun things you do with your body. All sorts of things can affect your ability to give and receive pleasure, including your upbringing, self-confidence, physical and mental health, and communication skills. If sex isn’t pleasurable and fun for you, what needs to change? It is worth noting that male pleasure is generally prioritised over female pleasure. Consider, for example, when you would consider a penis-in-vagina sexual interaction to be finished – at male orgasm or female orgasm?

Taking time to challenge and explore ideas around pleasure as well as deepening your understanding of your own body (in other words, masturbation) will help with your sex education. Always remember, you don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to.

4) Health and wellbeing – Love your body and know what is normal for you. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. There are all sorts of pressures on us to make our bodies look a certain way, but take some time to appreciate the non-photoshopped, non-pornified variation in our bodies. Your shape and size (of penis, or breasts) do not matter – sex can be the best jigsaw puzzle, and genuine confidence in your body can help you figure out how to use it as an instrument for pleasure.

Knowing what is normal for you is also really important. There are women who continually get treated for thrush bacterial vaginosis and cystitis because they do not understand vaginal flora and the natural discharge variation in their monthly cycle. Nobody told them that having a wee shortly after sex is a good idea.

5) Safety – We are often taught to override our gut feelings. This sometimes stems from childhood, when adults have ignored our bodily autonomy. However it is vital we remember to tune into our gut instincts, especially given the rise in internet dating and internet dating-related crime. Being aware of your own personal safety and sexual boundaries when internet dating is essential.

Remember that no matter how you have been socialised, you do not need to be polite to someone who is making you feel uncomfortable. No is a complete sentence. If someone does not respect your right to bodily autonomy and violates your consent, it is never your fault; the blame lies entirely with them. Always trust your “spidey” sense – if it is tingling, it is trying to tell you something isn’t right, be that a relationship with unhealthy elements, or plans to meet up for a blind date. If a situation doesn’t feel right, think about what needs to change.

Complete Article HERE!


Sexual Healing for Cancer Survivors




Sexual health can be an uncomfortable or embarrassing topic to discuss for many people, and for patients with cancer, survivors and their partners, it can feel even more awkward. In fact, sex ranks among the top five unmet needs of survivors, and a new digital health startup, Will2Love, has been launched to help fill this void.

Sixty percent of cancer survivors — 9.3 million individuals in the United States alone — end up with long-term sexual problems, but fewer than 20 percent get professional help, according to Leslie R. Schover, PhD, Will2Love’s founder. Among the barriers she cites are overburdened oncology clinics, poor insurance coverage for services related to sexual health and an overall lack of expertise on the part of providers, many of whom don’t know how to talk to patients and survivors about these issues.

Sexual issues can affect every stage of the cancer journey. Schover, who hosted a recent webinar for health care practitioners on the topic, has been a pioneer in developing treatment for cancer-related problems with sexuality or fertility. After decades of research and clinical practice, she has witnessed firsthand how little training is available in the area of sexual health.

“Sex remains a low priority, with very little time devoted to managing sexual problems even in specialty residencies,” she adds.

The problem is twofold: how to encourage oncology teams to do a better job of assessing and managing sexual problems and how to help those impacted by cancer to discuss their sexual concerns.

Schover says that simple, open-ended questions such as: “This treatment will affect your sex life. Tell me a little about your sex life now,” can help to get the conversation started.

Sexual side effects after cancer treatment vary from person to person, and also from treatment to treatment. Common side effects for men and women include difficulty reaching climax, pain during sexual intercourse, lower sexual desire and feelings of being less attractive. Men specifically can experience erectile dysfunction and dry orgasm, while women may have vaginal dryness and/or tightness, as well as loss of erotic sensation such as on their breasts following breast cancer treatment.

Sexual dysfunction after cancer can often lead to depression and poor quality of life for survivors and their partners.

Cancer treatment can impact hormonal cycles, nerves directing blood flow to the genitals, and the pelvic circulatory system itself, explains Schover. In addition, side effects like prolonged nausea, fatigue, and chronic pain also can disrupt a patient’s sex life.

“Simply to give medical solutions rarely resolves the problems because a person or couple needs to make changes in the sexual relationship to accommodate changes in physical function,” Schover stresses. “That kind of treatment is usually best coming from a trained mental health professional, especially if the couple has issues with communication or conflict.”

Schover hopes that Will2Love will bring much-needed attention to the topic by providing easily accessible resources for patients, survivors, their partners and health care providers. (Box)

Currently visitors to the website can subscribe to its e-newsletter and receive a free introductory five-part email course covering topics related to what your doctor may not be telling you about sex, fertility and cancer. After the fifth lesson, users will receive a link to the Will2Love “Sex and the Survivor” video series. “Sexual health is a right,” Schover stresses, and oncology professionals, patients and survivors need to be assertive to get the conversation started.

Complete Article HERE!