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Sexual MYTHBUSTERS, Part 1 – The Big O

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No podcast today, but there is this…

Angie is 20 and she’s having issues, lots of issues.

Hello, I would ask you a question that has been on my mind for a while. I seem to have a problem orgasming without stimulating my clitoris. I suppose that doesn’t really sound like a problem but it’s really starting to annoy me. I would like to be able to enjoy an orgasm without having to stimulate my clit every time! I love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way? I mean I am aware of where my G-spot is and my boyfriend said he’ll be focusing more on hitting it “spot” on. There’s also another thing I have noticed, sometimes my boyfriend will hit my cervix and it hurts a bit, but is this even normal? Should he even be able to hit it? Or is there something abnormal going on here?

Let’s see, when you say you “love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way?” Are you referring to full-on cock in cooter fucking when you say, “having sex”? The reason I ask is that not everyone means the same thing when they use that trite euphemism.

Since you’re not here to fill in the blanks, so to speak. I’ll assume you want to know why you can’t have or haven’t yet had a vaginal orgasm. But before I answer, I just want to say that I hope you are not setting up an orgasmic dichotomy where there doesn’t need to be one. That would truly be unwise.

If you are at all familiar with your genital anatomy, you will know that the pleasure centers in that area of your body are all wired together. Your clit, G-spot, pussy, taint (perineum) and butthole are all on the same circuit, so to speak. Each erogenous zone is distinct, of course, but they act in consort with one another. However, not all your parts will generate the same amount of buzz. Since a woman’s clit is at the center of this network of nerves, it tends to dominate all the others and it is generally the quickest way to intense pleasure for most women.

Ok, now my answer. I can’t really say why your not climaxing while you’re fucking. Other than the fact that an exclusively vaginal centered orgasm is a myth. The vast majority of women don’t have vaginal orgasms. In fact the degree of insensitivity inside a woman’s vagina is so high that Kinsey wrote in his seminal work, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female published back in 1953: “Among the women who were tested in our gynecologic sample, less than 14% were at all conscious that they had been touched.” That’s pretty remarkable, wouldn’t you say?

The vaginal orgasm myth is perpetuated, in part, by many women’s confusion and/or lack of knowledge about their own anatomy. Some women believe that an orgasm felt during fucking is centered in their cooch. This suggests to me that they aren’t being precise in locating the center of that orgasm. Other women believe in the vaginal orgasm myth because they think they need to conform to a male oriented notion of female sexuality — fucking = cuming. And that’s simply wrong, don’t cha know. Just ask all the preorgasmic women out there.

But ya know what? I don’t own a pussy my own self. All I can only tell you is what I have learned from those people who actually have a honeypot. The people I’m referring to, we’ll call them females, tell me vaginal orgasms, mythological or not, may simply be dependent on a tone of a woman’s pelvic musculature. As amazing as pussies are, and they are amazing, if the muscles that surround them are not taught and toned enough, a fucking generated orgasm may elude the owner of said pussy.

Some women haven’t developed their PC muscles enough to cum through fucking alone. Are you doing your kegels, Angie? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you have some serious remedial research to do.

The elusive vaginal orgasm may also have to do with your partner cock, particularly the girth of his unit and opposed to its length. My women friends tell me that a thicker cock may have more of a chance triggering a vaginal orgasm then a pencil dick. No surprise there, I suppose. Position will also play a role. Why not give a bunch of different positions a try and see if one or another makes a difference? You on top cowgirl style, or doggie style might work best. But it’s your coozie, my dear, and you ought to know it better than I.

As to your G-spot question. That’s another thing all together. I am so glad that you are familiar with your anatomy enough to have found your own personal G-spot. And it’s great to hear that you have an accommodating partner who is working on stimulating this sensitive area. Good for you both! However, while I wholeheartedly endorse and encourage your further investigations and sex play, I do have one caution. I share the concern of most of my women friends. We want you to avoid all the G-spot hype floating around in the popular culture these days. Most women have a good time with their G-spot exploration. They report that it is not particularly difficult to find, but it’s also much harder to pleasure. If a woman, you perhaps, gets it in her head that something amazing is supposed to happen with a G-spot stimulation, she might be setting herself up for disappointment. In the same way some women, you perhaps, set themselves up for disappointment if they buy into the myth of an exclusively vaginal generated orgasm.

I encourage you to see your genitals as a whole, not a bunch of separate parts that somehow work independently of one another. If your pussy is happy and your pussy is making you happy; is it really all that important how the happiness comes to be?

In comparison us men folk are not all that fussy. What gets us off; gets us off. I never hear from a guy who is disappointed because he’s not having an exclusively prostate generated orgasm. They do happen, but we’re not the least bit concerned when they don’t happen. I also never hear from a guy who thinks he should be orgasmic through manipulation of his balls alone. That can happen too, but we’re not holding our breath for them.

What I do hear from guys is that we often need a particular kind of dick-oriented stimulation to get us off. And this is where the men folk and the women folk are a whole lot alike. You, like us, probably need a particular kind of stimulation to get you off. Be it vaginal, clitoral, G-spot, or whatever. If you acknowledge that your genitals are a composite of parts that work together to bring you joy, then you’ll be less likely to be swayed by the claims, hype and misinformation about female sexual response.

Regarding the issue of your boyfriend hitting your cervix. Yeah, that’ll hurt, don’t cha know. I’d be willing to guess that he’s in the wrong position and being too athletic in his pumping when that happens. If he’s bumping your cervix, but you like the depth and athleticism of his manly thrusts, simply change position. That should remedy the problem.

Finally, I’d simply advise you to respect the uniqueness of your body and your sexual response cycle. If it’s your clit that delivers the big O, even though you are being pleasured elsewhere. Then by all means, stimulate your clit while whatever else is happening, and enjoy the ride.

Good luck

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Sex Wisdom with Jesús Ángel García – Podcast #191 – 03/10/10

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Hey sex fans,

Ok, so here’s the deal. As you know, I’m all about bringing you the very best interviews I can for all my podcast series. Not to long ago I hooked up with this exceptional author who I think is absolutely perfect for The Erotic Mind series. But midway through our conversation I realize that we are discussing stuff that would fit equally well in my SEX WISDOM series.

So what am I to do but officially declare our very first twofer! Allow me to introduce you to Jesús Ángel García, the remarkable author of the multimedia novel badbadbad. His novel can be read on many levels. Those looking for a very engagingly and smutty erotic story will not be disappointed. However, his work is also infused with profound insights into the philosophy and psychology of why we are sexual. Getting to the marrow of this man and his complex novel is a sheer delight. You won’t want to miss this, my friends.

Jesús and I discuss:

  • How the man with such the heavenly name, Jesús Ángel, come to write such a devilishly profane book.
  • Why he writes under a pen name and the derivation of that name.
  • Is it a memoir or is it fiction?
  • The multimedia nature of his novel.
  • The intent and origins of badbadbad.
  • The prominence of religious imagery.
  • How psychological complexity is reflected in sexual expression.
  • His novel as a morality tale.

Adding to the sexual tension of today’s show, Jesús reads from badbadbad.

Jesús invites you to visit him on his site HERE! You’ll discover that his is the first novel to come with its own YouTube playlist.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

I wanna take a moment to remind you to check out another great website in the Dr Dick family of sites. It’s my new PRODUCT REVIEW site — drdicksextoyreviews.com

That’s right, sex fans, now it’s so easy to see what hot and what’s not in the world of adult products. I review of all kinds of adult related goodies — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, herbal products, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE!

Look for the drdicksextoyreviews.com. You’ll be so glad you did.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

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SEX WISDOM with Shai Rotem – Podcast #179 – 01/13/10

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Hey sex fans,

I have a fantastic show in store for you.  I am delighted to inform you that I am launching yet another podcast series today.  I call it the SEX WISDOM podcast series.

Besides the wildly popular Sex EDGE-U-cation series and The Erotic Mind series that have been running for the past year and longer, I thought it would be grand to chat with some of the movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality.   So in the course of this new series we will be chatting with researchers, educators, clinicians, pundits and philosophers who are making news and reshaping how we look at our sexual selves.  I can assure you that these conversations will be well worth the time you spend with us.

I have chosen a remarkable man as my first guest.  His name is Shai Rotem.  He is a certified surrogate partner; or a sex surrogate, if you prefer.  And he’s here to tell us about the critical work he is doing with his clients.  This is fascinating stuff, sex fans!  Please stay tuned.

Shai and I discuss:

  • A working definition of the term Surrogate Partner.
  • How a sex surrogate differs from a sex worker.
  • Being part of a scripted therapeutic intervention.
  • Surrogate partner therapy and the law.
  • Who can benefit from surrogate partner therapy.
  • The impact of a repressive religious upbringing on sexual wellbeing.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Sensate Focus Techniques.

Shai invites you to learn more about surrogate partner therapy by visiting the International Professional Surrogates Association’s website HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S  — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Sex EDGE-U-cation with John and Deanna – Podcast #127 – 06/03/09

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Hey sex fans,

Today we take another audio field trip.  I have the distinct pleasure of introducing the Co-Executive Directors of the amazing Sharma Center right here in beautiful downtown Seattle.

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John and Deanna welcome us to the center, show us around, talk about themselves, their lives together; we discuss polyamory, swinging and the sex positive mission of the Sharma Center.

This oh so charming and insightful couple add their voices to this Sex EDGE-U-cation series.   As you know, in these podcasts, we’re taking a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative sexual lifestyles. And we are chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.  And John and Deanna fit that bill exceptionally well.

John and Deanna and I discuss:

  • Swinging, Polyamory and Open Relationships; what’s alike about them and what’s different.
  • Some common terms used by those in the lifestyle.
  • The education and enrichment mission of the Sharma Center.
  • Coming out as a sexual minority.
  • Her activities, including her double sessions and private lessons.
  • Personal morality v. the morality of the dominant culture.

Be sure to visit them at the Sharma Center’s website HERE!

See a slideshow of the Sharma Center.  Click on the thumbnails below.

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Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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The clit is it!

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. Today we bring you another product from the good people at Satisfyer.

To keep track of all our Satisfyer reviews, here’s what you do. Use the search function in the header of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in Satisfyer, and PRESTO!

Here to tell you all about this new product are Dr Dick Review Crew founding members, Joy and Dixie.

The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe, Next Generation —— $49.95

Joy and Dixie
Joy: “The clit is it, folks!”
Dixie: “How is it that some people, even some women, don’t know this by now? Please, don’t get me started…”
Joy: “I know, huh? Most all the sexual frustration women experience stems from the fact that most men and, as you say Dixie, even some women, wouldn’t know a woman’s clit if it walked up and tapped them on the shoulder. I want to believe that things are changing and that younger people are not so clueless, but I’m not sure that this isn’t just wishful thinking on my part.”
Dixie: “Well, happily, some in the adult products industry are trying to change this. Now there are several companies who are making clit-oriented products and women all over the world are the richer for it. G-spot vibes are grand, dildos can be wonderful, but if we’re somehow overlooking our clit in all this exploration, we’re missing the boat, so to speak.”
Joy: “And how many women who have found their clitoris even know that what they can see ‘down there’ is only the tip of the iceberg? I’ll tell ya, us chicks have it goin’ on. We’re fuckin’ built for pleasure.”
Dixie: “Now that we’ve got that out of our system, let’s talks about the amazing Satisfyer Pro Deluxe, Next Generation. After all it’s the reason why we’re here.”


Joy: “It’s only been a year or two since the first suction-based sex toys appeared on the market. And now there are a handful of manufacturers doing their darnedest to bring out the best clit-centric products. The Dr Dick Review Crew has already review one of these. Our colleague, Jada reviewed the Pro Penguin, another suction-based sex toy, also by Satisfyer.”
Dixie: “I love Jada’s reviews.”


Joy: “Before we get to our review proper, let’s take a look at the packaging. The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe comes in simple thin cardboard box. It’s attractive enough, but it’s really basic. Inside there’s a formed plastic holder that holds the toy and it’s USB recharging cable. There’s also a owner’s manual.”
Dixie: “The owner’s manual suggests you completely charge the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe before using. That took only a couple of hours for us. The USB cable attaches to the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe magnetically. It couldn’t be easier. A light flashes on the control button as it charges and remains solid when it is completely charged. The unique ergonomic shape of the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe allows you to cradle it in the palm of your hand. This makes it extremely easy to handle. A band of soft white silicone runs down the center of the body, which makes gripping it easy.”
Joy: “You turn on the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe by depressing the one and only control button for about two seconds. You do the same to turn the toy off. The one button design is convenient, easy to operate, and it’s easy to navigate through the settings. The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe has eleven settings. To scroll through the settings, simply press the control button again and again. The different settings are really distinct and I could immediately feel the different sensations as I cycled through them. Some are pretty intense indeed. And it is extremely quiet.”


Dixie: “The business end of the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe is the nozzle on the underside of the body. It is also made of silicone. It is thicker than the Penguin Pro nozzle, but isn’t as deep.”
Joy: “The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe uses air pulse technology to deliver touch free orgasms. It’s remarkably like oral sex, especially if you use a spot of water-based lube. I place it directly over my clit the nozzle delivers a sucking/pulsing sensation which brings me to orgasm every time I use it.”
Dixie: “The same is true for me. We like using it on one another, especially when the receiver is bound and gaged. Oh wait, you didn’t know we were kinky, did you?”
Joy: “If I can use my sex toys in the bath, I’m as happy as a pig in shit. Maybe that’s not the most attractive metaphor, but it’s true. And the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe doesn’t disappoint, in fact, the warm bath water seems to intensify the sensations.”
Dixie: “The only thing I don’t like about the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe is that I can only reduce the intensity during use by scrolling through all the settings. I would love to be able to drop back a bit on the intensity when I want to prolong my play.”
Joy: “That is actually a really good point.”
Dixie: “Because it is made of silicone, and ABS Plastic, and its fully waterproof it’s really easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing.”
Joy: “OK, let’s recap. The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe is body-safe, healthy, waterproof, powerful, and super quiet.”
Dixie: “And when you consider that this amazing toy is under $50, well ya can’t beat that with a stick.”

Full Review HERE!

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