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My First Love

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It’s Pride Month! So we’ll be spending a little time each week hearing the thoughts and concerns of the LGBT community.

Name: Jaymie
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Location:
Hi, my name is Jaymie. I am a 16-year-old guy. I have a best friend (Jared) also 16, who I have been in love with for 3 years now. I know, you probably think, “he’s too young to fall in love”. Well I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever been so sure of in my life.

Anyways, I am bisexual. He knows that. I told him about 4 months ago that I was in love with him and he told me he already knew and that he was ok with it. A few years ago, we made out one night when we were kind of drunk and that scared him. He recently told me that he used to have feelings for me, but he got rid of them because “that’s not the kind of person he is”. I’m guessing by that he means that he couldn’t do it because he is not “gay”. He’s had a girlfriend now and they’ve been together for about 10 months and he’s supposedly in love with her. Even though there relationship is shit and they are always fighting.

We’ve always been really flirty with each other (cuddling, tickling, spooning, touching each others penis’ etc.) but all that has kind of gone down hill because of his parents catching us spooning and giving him SO much shit about it. Now we just cuddle once in a while.

I have a couple of questions, and you seem like a smart man. 1. What should I do about him? Should I give up on him? I cry all the time about it because I feel he’s the only one for me that I will ever love this much. 2. I know this might be a little weird, but when we were sleeping next to each other, I always stick my hands down his pants and play with his penis. Sometimes for fun, sometimes I jack him off while I jack off (I know, so I’m a little obsessed) he never wakes up though. He ALWAYS gets a boner when I do it but never moves and stays “asleep”. Can he get a boner from me touching him while he’s sleeping? Or does this mean that he’s faking it and knows I am doing it? If you could answer me that would be great. It’s really important.

You know what? You’re right; I’m a smart man. Smart enough to recognize that you too are pretty damn smart yourself. This is so curious to me. I know men more than twice your age who, in comparison to you, are absolutely clueless about who they are and what they desire. You, on the other hand, are very precocious. And that, my friend, is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have extraordinary clarity about yourself and what makes you tick. On the other hand, being as advanced as you are, you leave your age peers in the dust, so to speak. The young man you mention, Jared, he is nowhere near as confident as you with regard to who he is and what he wants. That’s not unusual. In fact, as I suggest, that’s par for the course for a young man his age. You are the one who is unusual. And I’m not talking about your sexual preferences, just your emotional maturity.

I’m receiving an ever-increasing number of messages from young people, just like you, who are in the throws of adolescent anxiety. Everything seems topsy-turvy in their life including their sexual awakenings. These young people’s hormones are raging and they don’t know how to direct them.

You, Jaymie, say you love your friend. You suspect that I will disregard the whole idea as preposterous, because of your age. On the contrary, I take what you say at face value. I know for certain that young people have the capacity to feel as deeply and as passionately about things as older people. What may be lacking in younger people is a frame of reference — a means of tempering their unruly passions — because that come only by way of life experience. I hasten to add that a good number of us older folks don’t have the ability rule our passion very well either, even though we have a shit-load of life experience. This is truly unfortunate, because our lack of insight makes for some pretty messy lives and seriously diminishes the number of good role models of living healthy emotional lives. Perhaps if you get the hang of this while in your teens, Jaymie, you’ll be much better situated as an adult.

I note that you say you cry all the time. You claim you know your friend is the only guy for you and this causes this emotional distress. Here’s where I believe the whole life experience thing could help temper your passions. But since this is your first time out the gate, let me make some predictions. I’d be willing to bet my last dollar that this guy, as pivotal as he is to you today, is not the only man for you. In fact, I’ll wager that by the time you finish college, you’ll barely remember this fellow’s name. I’d also be willing to bet that most of your tears are tears of frustration, because the young man in question is unwilling, or more likely unable, to return your affections as you think he should. And unrequited love stings like the dickens. But I think you already know that part.

I have another prediction for you. You will have several of these unrequited love experiences in your life. I can predict this with absolute certainty, because lots of people just like you have traveled this same path. So if you allow me to offer you some advice, it would be to try to go with the flow. Take the joys with the pain and try not to fly apart in the process. Destiny has lots of things in store for you. And Jared is just the first of many of his kind.

As you make your way in life, particularly as a bisexual or gay man, you will discover a sad fact. Many other men with the same longings as you, some of which will be the objects of your affections, will not be able to acknowledge or reciprocate your feelings. This is because they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own feelings. The world is full of these kinds of men. So prepare to meet more than your share.

Jared’s pretending to be asleep while you fondle and jerk him off, is his way of avoiding both you and himself. Trust me, if he didn’t want you to do what you are doing, he’d sure enough let you know in no uncertain terms. Exclusively straight boys and men are like that. They’re like totally not down with the gay sex thing. Again, I’d wager he’s accepting your sexual advances and even enjoying them as much as he allows him himself to. What he can’t or won’t do is be upfront about it with you.

No doubt he’s scared shitless about all of this. On the one hand he’s being intensely pleasured by you, another guy. On the other he must be crippled with guilt and shame, aware of how inappropriate this is in terms of his parents value system, his religious upbringing and a good portion of our sex negative culture. I’d also be willing to bet that despite the fact that you are touching him out of your deep feelings for him, your touch only adds to his internal conflict and anxiety.

Most guys who receive the sexual attentions of another dude, but fake being absent through out, like feigning sleep or being drunk, can avoid some of the internal conflict by telling themselves that they are not like the guy doling out the sexual touch. That is in fact a delusion, but many a man gets through his life on delusion alone. You will discover this for yourself as your life unfolds before you.

Finally, to your question should you quit Jared? I think that you and I both know that despite your deep feelings for him, he’s not gonna wake up from one of your sexually charged naps and proclaim his love for you…at least not anytime soon. In fact, if you continue along the path, you risk ruining any chance that he could come to an awakening and acceptance of his sexuality on his own. Constantly pressuring him and mooning over him is counterproductive. And I also foresee a major confrontation erupting soon. Here’s a tip: some even ostensibly straight guys can groove on the whole sex thing with another dude, but they choke on the emotional attachment that often comes with the proffered blowjob.

So it’s pretty much your call, Jaymie. Will you continue to assail Jared for your own selfish pleasure knowing as you do that he can’t or won’t respond as you want him to? Or do you back off and allow him the time and space he needs to come to awareness on his own?

I think we both know what the mature choice is, don’t we? If you love this guy as much as you say, you’re gonna have to cool your jets and give him room to mature at his own pace. Remember he has some ways to go to catch up with you.

Good luck

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Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

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Hey sex fans!

Welcome to this our latest edition of Product Review Friday. Today we feature the third of three products that came to us from the marvelous Israeli company, Joya. If you somehow missed the first two of our reviews you can find the first one HERE! And the second one HERE!

Today we hear from Dr Dick Review Crew members, Kevin & Gina.

Sphere Intimate Massager —— $73.68

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We were lucky to score the last of three Joya toys sent to us for review. We eagerly read the reviews our fellow Dr Dick Review Crew members, Christa and Angie, posted — the Little Su Tulip and the Little Su Natural in anticipation of our turn at bat.”
Kevin: “What is so fascinating about these three Joya toys is that they are all so very distinct. The Little Su Tulip and the Little Su Natural are insertables. Our toy, the Sphere, is designed for external use. And more than that, it’s actually two separate vibes. It’s a kind of his/her, or his/his, or her/her sorta deal.”
Gina: “The yin-yang shaped massagers come nestled together in one sleek acrylic storage case. Each vibe offers 5 surprisingly strong discreetly quiet modes. The white half offers 5 graduating speeds while the black half offers 5 unique pulsation modes. You can use them together or one at a time. Or you can use one and your partner can use the other. You can mix and match to your heart’s delight. What a clever concept!”
Kevin: “Each side of the toy takes 2 AAA batteries. The batteries are not included in the package. So be sure you have the proper number and size of batteries on hand or you won’t be able to play with the Sphere as soon as you get it. And that would be a crying shame.”
Gina: “The yin-yang shape of the Sphere makes it very comfortable to hold. The curved shape make it ideal for massaging my breasts, neck, and it nestles very nicely against my vulva.”
Kevin: “I could say the same thing. I used my half of the Sphere on my nipples, taint (perineum), cock and balls. I saw Gina using it on her neck, so I followed her lead. Very Nice! But I think I preferred it on my nuts, but maybe that’s just a guy thing.”
Gina: “The Sphere is made from premium-grade nonporous nontoxic and hypoallergenic ABS plastic. Both pieces are waterproof, so they’re very easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine, but you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too. And you can use any kind of lube you want. We’re partial to silicone-based lubes, but water-based lubes work fine too.”
Kevin: “Each side of the Sphere measures 4.85″ x 2.5′ x 1.4″. Each features an easy to find and operate button, which powers up the vibe. Continue to depress the button and it will browse through the vibration modes and speeds.”
Gina: “The battery compartment is located in the widest part of each side of the Sphere. It’s easy to open and locks securely into place making it, as I already mentioned, waterproof. I know Kevin has played with his half in the shower and I certainly played with my half in the bath. We’ve decided to make a date for some mutual bath time where we intend to reunite the Sphere for some outstanding watery partnered play.”
Kevin: “I discovered there’s a hands-free way to use the Sphere too. I kind of straddled one half of the toy while it’s perched on a cushion. I positioned it so that the pointy part hit on my taint or my asshole. This made the wider part nuzzle my nuts. I loved it.”
Gina: “I watched Kevin do this and followed suit. I rocked against my half of the toy while the pointy end was on my perineum and the wider part between my labia. YUMMY!”
Kevin: “See, you can be creative like this with the Sphere.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

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Jizz4U

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday and this week we review a great product that everyone can use and enjoy. And in doing so we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort, CumShotLube. Can ya stand it? What a brilliant name.

Let’s check in with Dr Dick Review Crew members, Mick & Chuck, for their take on this new personal lubricant.

CumShotLube —— $12.99

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “Ya know, when it comes to lube, I pretty much though the Dr Dick Review Crew had covered all the bases. I thought for certain there wasn’t anything new under the sun. I mean you got your water-based lubes, your silicone-based lubes and your oil-based lubes and that pretty much sums it up.”
Chuck: “Don’t forget you’ve got your warming, arousing and desensitizing lubes and all those flavored lubes too.”
Mick: “Oh right! So you can imagine how unenthusiastic we were when Dr Dick handed us yet another bottle of lube to review. Of course our interest was peaked when we took a look at the label. I confess, the clever name, CumShotLube, got me smiling. But, I’ve been charmed by a product’s name before, only to discover the product sucked…and not in a good way.”
Chuck: “Dr Dick said he though we would be pleasantly surprised by CumShotLube. He said that he hadn’t seen anything like it before and he thought we were the perfect couple to review it. We always listen to what the good doctor says, so we took our little bottle of lube home with us intending to put it to good use in the coming days.”
Mick: “Our first play date with CumShotLube was at one of our mutual wank fests. Sometimes, after a hard day at work, we are too tired for a full-on fuck, So we pop some porn in the DVD player and settle in for an evening of pulling our puds. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather when we broke out the lube. CumShotLube is fuckin’ amazing. I mean it looks and feels just like semen. A dollop of CumShotLube warming in the palm of my hand actually separated a bit, just like my own spooge does. It has the same consistency and viscosity of my own load. In fact, I couldn’t tell the difference between my cum and CumShotLube.”
Chuck: “Damn right! We both couldn’t believe our eyes. It’s so realistic. And it has no discernable taste, which is really important to me. A lot of lubes I’ve tried taste funny, kinda chemically, and that’s a deal breaker for me.”
Mick: “CumShotLube is long lasting too. I don’t know about you, but Chuck and I like to use one another’s cum to lubricate ourselves to a finish. Lets say he cums first. He shoots his wad on me and I scoop it up and slather it all over my cock. This is great, but actual spunk dries out really fast. Not CumShotLube.”
Chuck: “We had so much fun jacking off with this stuff we thought we’d try fucking with it too. We decided to warm the lube a bit in a bowl of hot water. This way, a shot of CumShotLube feels, as well as looks, like the real thing. And this lube has staying power. It doesn’t dry out like other water-based lubes we’ve tried.”
Mick: “We both noticed that there’s powerful erotic component to using CumShotLube. We even discussed this with Dr Dick. We think that jizz is a powerful aphrodisiac for a lot of guys, maybe even some women too. I know it is for us. We love to see it. We love to play with it. We love to rub it into our skin. It’s a huge turn on for us. With CumShotLube we get to indulge our little cum fetish as much as we would like.”
Chuck: “Ok, so CumShotLube, is the ideal personal lube for all your lubricant needs. But then again, there are lots of fine personal lubricants on store shelves these days. What sets CumShotLube apart from the others? It’s the play factor. And before you discount that, try to imagine your favorite porn movie without all the cum shots. I rest my case.”
Mick: “That’s funny, I was thinking the same thing. In fact, I was thinking how CumShotLube is going to revolutionize the porn industry. I think we all know that some of the money shots, as they are called in the industry, are faked. Now studio executives have CumShotLube to save the day. No more watered down mayonnaise.”
Chuck: “And think of all the guys who can’t of don’t shoot much of a load, if any. We have a friend who had prostate cancer and had is prostate removed. He has no ejaculate at all. This product will help him overcome being self consciousness about that. CumShotLube is condom compatible and you can use it with all your favorite toys, even with your expensive silicone toys. It won’t stain bedding or clothes either. We love the packaging too. Very creative!”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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More of The Erotic Mind of David de Lara — Podcast #332 — 05/14/12

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Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

The gifted painter, illustrator and photographer, the man with this Texas sized talent, David de Lara, returns today for Part 2 of his appearance on this The Erotic Mind series.

And I am happy to report that David brings along with him another gallery of his delightful art for us to enjoy. You’ll find it below.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1of this delectable conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #331 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

David and I discuss:

  • His early exploration of photography;
  • Being compelled to be creative;
  • The erotic vs. the pornographic;
  • His chosen media;
  • Coming to Seattle for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival;
  • What he looks for in a model;
  • His models are his collaborators;
  • What he looks for in the erotic art of others;
  • What the future holds for he and his work.

David invites you to visit him on his site HERE! Find him on Facebook HERE! His noteworthy blog HERE! And follow him on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the thumbnail images below to see another slideshow of some of David’s beautiful artwork.)

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Get a grip!

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We continue our National Masturbation Month theme today.

Name: Pablo
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Location: Madrid
Can you help me I have an addiction towards masturbation. I can’t control the urge that I have. I’m single and have never been with a woman. I’m very nervous about this. How can I control these sexual urges? Please write back as soon as you can.

Pablo, darling, what’s the big problem with jerkin’ off…even jerkin’ off a lot? Perhaps you’re creating a predicament where there doesn’t need to be one. Maybe you just need to relax and enjoy your self-pleasuring.

First off, I want to restate my belief that there’s no such thing as a masturbation addict. Compulsive hand jobs? Sure! Out of control wackin’ off? Ya betcha! Self-denigrating pud-pulling? Absolutely! Masturbation addiction? No way!

Masturbation is normal, particularly for someone like you who is not involved with someone else. Of course masturbation is also a big part of the sex life of people in relationships too.

Say, where are you getting the information that self-love is a bad thing? Is this message coming from the Church perhaps? I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if it were. Masturbation can sure enough be a problem, if you’ve been indoctrinated to think it is bad or sinful. But then again, the problem is the sex-negative propaganda, not the masturbation itself.

I’d be willing to guess a guy of your age, without a wife or lover has all kinds of repressive feelings about sex in general, not just masturbation in particular. Maybe it’s your religious up bringing that is coloring your judgment about your private sexuality. Perhaps if you took the opportunity to rethink your training, you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.

Since you don’t go into any detail about the extent of your behavior, I guess I’ll just have to make some general comments. Like I said masturbation, or any behavior for that matter, can become compulsive. If the urge to choke the chicken gets in the way of you having a full rich life, you may have a problem. Say you’re jerkin’ off so much that you don’t having a social life. Or you’re pullin’ your pud so much that you can’t hold down a job. Then that’s a problem. But I hasten to add the problem is not masturbation, per se, it’s the being out of control that’s the problem. Just like if someone told me they were jogging so much they had no time for a social life or for a job, then that person has a problem. But it’s not the jogging, per se. Ya get it?

There are lots of reasons why people feel uncomfortable about their sexual desires and behaviors. Most all of us grow up in a very sex- negative environment. Parents still punish their kids if they catch them playing with themselves. The Church still insists that any sexual expression outside of marriage is sinful. So many people are so judgmental about the sexual behaviors of others, particularly if the expression is one they themselves don’t practice. Others can be so cruel, using terms like slut, whore, and promiscuous when talking about someone who is getting more sex than they. In other words, it’s our culture’s unhealthy preoccupation with sex that is often the cause of one’s fear and mistrust of his own sexual desires and practices.

You don’t have to settle for this, Pablo. You can learn to free yourself from the repressive messages that may surround you. You may find the help you need on the internet, don’t cha know. There are many online communities that celebrate self-loving. Do a search using the words: healthy masturbation.

One thing for sure, if you feel bad about jerkin’ off, you’re probably also fearful of partnered sex. I mean it wasn’t lost on me that you’re 34 and still a virgin. Holy Cow! Maybe if you liberated yourself from your repressive attitudes toward masturbation, partnered sex would take its rightful place in your life. It’s never too late for this to happen, Pablo.

Some people use masturbation as a means of self-abuse. I guess it’s no accident that self-abuse is a term some sex-negative people use when talking about masturbation. If you don’t like yourself very much, Pablo, for whatever reason, you could be using your private sex to punish and denigrate yourself. This is the ultimate perversion — turning something good and healthy into something hurtful and hateful.

Are you concentrating so much time and energy on your cock to avoid other problems in your life? Maybe if you confronted these other problems, whatever they might be, head on, you’d feel better about yourself. And your solitary sexual practices wouldn’t loom so large. The problem is, because you feel bad about what you’re doing, you’re actually adding more stress in your life, making it harder for you to get a hold of this, no pun intended.

Good luck!

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

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