D.L. King is one of my favorite authors. She appeared on The Erotic Mind show way back in January 2010. We had a great time together and she treated us to readings from her work. Look Part 1 of that show HERE and Part 2 HERE!
Imagine my surprise when I found this…
D.L. King Thrice nominated for the Golden Flogger Award for her anthologies speaks out
Do you participate in D/s activities or merely write about them?
I’ve been actively practicing kinky sex for more than fifteen years. There was always something missing in my relationships before I began adding d/s and s/m. I always chalked it up to not being a very sexual person; boy, was I wrong. Once I began writing what turned me on I realized that it indeed did turn me on (sometimes I can be a bit slow on the uptake) and I began to initiate d/s with my partners, I realized just how sexual I was—and how kinky. I’m a dominant woman and I enjoy playing with submissive men and the occasional submissive woman. I used to play in public fairly often, especially if exhibitionism either humiliated or turned my partner on, but now I prefer playing in private, where I can be as comfortable as I want. Of course, sometimes it’s nice to play in a dungeon or play space in order to have use of special equipment I don’t own or have room for.
What does being nominated for the Golden Flogger Award mean to you?
I was so very flattered to find out that three of my anthologies were nominated for the Golden Flogger Award. I’ve been writing and editing anthologies for many years and work very hard to make sure that a book or story is the best it can be before putting it out there with my name on it. There are many erotica anthologies out there, but I like to think mine are unique as first and foremost, I put them together to please myself. That’s why, whether it’s lesbian BDSM, female submission or general domination, choices will be different than another editor’s. I publish what I like and I think what I like tends to be a little quirkier than a lot of what’s out there—maybe there’s more humor, maybe stories are more thought provoking. But knowing that other people recognize what I’m doing and like it too is what makes being nominated so special to me.
What is the hardest part of editing your anthologies?
I think the most difficult part of editing is rejection. Sometimes rejection is easy. When a story doesn’t fit the call for submissions or has no plot or appears to have been written by a third grader, it’s easy to reject. But when it’s obvious that the author put his or her heart and soul into a piece and it still doesn’t quite fit what I’m looking for, it’s tough. When somebody’s on the right track but the work just isn’t there yet or when I really love something, but it doesn’t fit, or I already have something too similar, I’ll often add a note of encouragement to my email. I don’t know what writers think about those notes, after all, it’s still a rejection, but I hope what I have to say is helpful.
Once I fell madly in love with a story, but it didn’t fit the anthology for which it had been submitted. I sent a note to the author telling her that. I told her if I ever did a book it did fit, I’d get back to her. I don’t know how she felt about the note and I doubt she believed me. She may have been flattered by it, but it was still a rejection. I wanted that story so badly I pitched an idea to my publisher just so I could include it. I think she was surprised when I wrote to her months later and asked to have it back. It’s still one of my all-time favorite stories.
Tell us a little about yourself and your writing works.
I’ve been writing erotica over fifteen years and have published over seventy short stories in a lot of different anthologies. My work can be found in various editions of the “bests” such as Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, Best Bondage Erotica and Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, as well as The Sexy Librarian’s Big Book of Erotica, Leather Ever After, No Safewords, Hurts So Good, Bound for Trouble, Baby Got Back, and many more. I’ve edited thirteen anthologies of Erotica including vampire erotica, steampunk erotica, lesbian erotica, female domination and many others. The one thing they all have in common is the inclusion of BDSM. Even the anthologies not necessarily billed as kinky erotica contain BDSM because it’s my passion. I’ve written two novels of female domination and male submission, The Melinoe Project and The Art of Melinoe and Riverdale Avenue Books has published a collection of twenty-one of my femdom short stories, Her Wish is Your Command.
My anthology, The Harder She Comes won both the Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Erotica and the Independent Publishers gold medal. My anthology, Carnal Machines is also an Independent Publishers gold medalist and my anthology Under Her Thumb is a silver medalist.
Will you be attending BDSM Writers Con or other events we can meet you at?
With a To Do list like that, I don’t think I’ll be attending the BDSM Writers Con this year, though that could change. I will be attending the NELA Fetish Flea in Warwick RI this Valentine’s Day weekend. Forget virtual bookstore; it will be an actual bookstore. Cecilia Tan and I have connecting rooms this year so readers can have a one-stop shopping experience. Oh, and Laura Antoniou will be making our rooms her headquarters when not teaching classes, and her books available, as well! So, if you’re going to the Flea, be sure to stop by!
Complete Article HERE!
From Everyone here at Dr Dick’s Sex Advice, CONGRATULATIONS on your all your nominations and awards, D.L.!
And now for one of our regular, semi-obligatory Meth-related questions. I get at least a half dozen of these questions a month. And each and every one of them breaks my heart. I know nothing about the fellow writing me; I don’t know where he lives or his age. I don’t suppose it really matters, does it?
I need some help and I hope you can point me in the right direction. I am recently divorced and trying to move on in life but I’m depressed all the time and also using meth a lot. I have tried to have different sexual partners since my divorce and every time I’m with someone new I can get a erection when we are messing around with no problem, but soon as its time for penetration I loose my erection I feel like I’m having anxiety issues and also I’m very nervous, and I’m not impotent so can it be the meth preventing me to keep it up, or do I need medication for my anxiety? How can I overcome this problem?
I’m certain I can point you in the right direction. Thanks for asking. Allow me to speak plainly. Quit the meth! Quitting won’t solve all your problems, but it is the first and most important step. And frankly, if you choose not to quit, all your other efforts to pull your life together are doomed.
Meth is not a therapy for depression, nor is it gonna help you connect with a new partner. It most assuredly will not help your erection problems; in fact, it is the cause of your erection problems. But I’ll wager you know that already, huh?
You also have an underlying performance anxiety problem that needs to be addressed ASAP.
In the meantime, take a look at some of the stuff I’ve written and podcasts where I talk about meth. Use the pull-down CATEGORIES menu in the sidebar, to your right, and scroll down till you fine the SEX & SUBSTANCES category. It’s under that category that you will find the subcategory Crystal Meth.
You’ll also want to take a look at some of the stuff I’ve written and podcasts where I talk about performance anxiety. Again, use the pull-down CATEGORIES menu in the sidebar and scroll down till you fine the SEX THERAPY category. Under that category you will find the subcategory Performance Anxiety.
Here are examples of the stuff you’ll find.
Location: Southern Calif
Love doing tina with masturbation and watching really hot porn. Think this is just social fun?
Nope, I don’t Joey. Despite the prevalence of this dastardly drug, there is nothing fun about tina…crystal meth for those unfamiliar with the term “tina”. If you love doing tina for whatever reason, I’d wager you’re hooked on that shit.
Listen, I’m not prude when it comes to using some drugs recreationally. But I think that we’d do well to stick to those drugs that are more natural. The less processing involved (and meth is the worst in that regard) and fewer added chemicals (OMG, the crap they put in crystal) the better, in my humble opinion.
Despite the admitted high ya get, recent research shows that long-term meth use destroys nerve cells in the brain that regulate dopamine, muscle movement, memory, and decision-making. This damage can be wide-spread and permanent.
Your body reacts to crystal meth the same way it reacts to danger. Crystal floods the body with adrenaline — the same hormone that prepares us for emergencies. Adrenaline gives a super-charge of strength and endurance so the body can deal with danger and injury. But artificially triggering this response over and over again will have serious consequences.
When you use crystal, your nervous system shifts into high gear. The brain floods your body with “danger” messages. Your body responds immediately to what it thinks is a threat. It prepares to fight or to run away. Common body responses to perceived danger include:
- Pupils dilate to let in more light.
- Hair stands on end (“getting goose bumps”).
- Blood vessels just under the skin constrict.
- Body temperature goes up
Regular, long-term crystal use will diminish sores of neurotransmitters. Episodes of paranoia and anxiety become more frequent and longer lasting. Blocked blood vessels within the brain can lead to increased chances of stroke.
Crystal fucks with your dopamine levels. Dopamine delivers a sense of reward and pleasure. It is also associated with body movement. Too little dopamine causes paralysis or a Parkinson’s-like tremors and rigidity. Too much dopamine and a person can become paranoid, hear voices and get twisted thoughts. Sound familiar?
Crystal fucks with your serotonin levels. Serotonin is involved in regulating sleep and sensory perception. It plays a role in moods and regulating body temperature. Serotonin is involved with many emotional disorders like schizophrenia, phobias, super-aggressive states and obsessive-compulsive behavior. Too much serotonin can make it difficult (or impossible) to have an orgasm. And of course there’s the dreaded “crystal dick”…the inability to get it up.
Joey, listen up! You’re way too young with too much of your life ahead of you to self-inflict so much serious irreparable damage on yourself. If this weren’t such a troublesome drug, there wouldn’t be such a virulent anti and reformed tweeker community out there. Want to know the real truth about “tina” check in at: crystalmeth.org. You’ll be glad you did.
On Performance Anxiety:
I get a dozen or so messages a month on this topic. I’ve written about it in numerous postings and spoken about it in several podcasts, but still the email comes.
One of the real bugaboos for anyone, regardless of gender, is living up to our own expectations of sexual performance. So many things can get in the way, literally and figuratively, of fully enjoying ourselves and/or pleasuring our partners.
The arousal stage of our sexual response cycle is particularly vulnerable to a disruption. And when there’s trouble there, there’s no hiding it. A limp dick or a dry pussy can put the kibosh on all festivities that we may have hoped would follow.
However, performance anxiety can strike any of us, regardless of age, and at just about any point in our sexual response cycle. This is a particularly galling when it seems to come out of the blue. And regaining our composure can be more far more difficult than we imagine.
Today we will be focusing on male performance anxiety. I’ll address female performance anxiety at a later date.
Complete Article HERE!
Just in time for Valentines Day, I feature an exchange I had with an earnest and, I might add, very nervous young man about a prevalent STI. Our friend is freaking out about genital warts. I know, I’m such a buzz-kill.
Age: 20 something
Location: Lowell MA
A few years back, a friend confided that he contracted genital warts from his ex-girl friend. He had the genital warts on his genitals, anus, hands, feet and in his mouth. His ex-girl friend had it on her hands, in her vagina, mouth, anus and cervix. I can understand having it on the genitals and hands and in the anus, mouth and cervix. I didn’t ask how he got it on his feet.
He went to work in another state, but came back here two years later. He told me he liked a girl he met and would like to bring the relationship into a more intimate level. I asked him about his genital warts. He said he was cured of it. I read that genital warts cannot be cured. That it can be treated, but will remain incurable and contagious although dormant for a while.
Will the girl get it after they had sex? My friend comes to my house very often, drinks beer with my girl friend and me. He uses the bathroom and the hand towel. Even after scrubbing the bathroom and washing the hand towel, can my girl friend and I get the genital warts? As for my friend, was he condemned not to have sex for life? Or, is it safe to have sex if there was no outbreak or external signs?
I’ve seen several bad cases of genital warts, but never a case that included hands feet and mouth. I know that’s possible, of course, but I’ve never seen it. And without a doctor’s diagnosis, a particular outbreak could be something else. That’s why, something like this, needs to be diagnosed and treated properly.
You are right; technically genital warts remain incurable, though non-contagious, and dormant if treated correctly. And proper treatment is the key. For more information you might consult WebMD.
Casual contact, the kind you describe below — bathroom, towels, etc. — cannot pass on the virus. Transmission is dependent on intimate genital contact. Does your friend (or his GF) have an outbreak going on now? Can you see something on his (her) hands and face?
I know my friend is a responsible person and he will not knowingly infect me with his genital warts. But, how can he be sure that the wart is dormant and non-contagious? I am now wary because he told me his genital warts were cured. This makes me wonder whether he was given the wrong medical advice or he was just trying to put my mind at ease. Aside from using the bathroom and towels, he also eats dinner at my home and could infect my dishes, utensils, cloth napkins, etc. and pass the virus to me and my girl friend.
This matter has the potential of becoming a dilemma for me and my friendship with him. I don’t want to ask him details such as who is his doctor, what kind of treatment he is getting (it seems the infected person must be tested periodically and the treatment ongoing) and how is he going to determine when he is not contagious. He is a sensitive person and I know that he will get angry if I asked him these questions. I can make excuses not to see him at my house (this only goes so far). If I ask or make excuses, I’d lose his friendship. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. But, I don’t want him to infect me and my girl friend with the virus either, knowingly or unknowingly.
I don’t see any warts on his hands and on his feet (he wears sandals sometimes). I don’t know if he plans to tell the girl he plans to get intimate with.
My girl friend doesn’t know about this. She will freak out if I tell her and that will cause more problems. Help!!!???!!!
If I were you I would ask him about the treatment he received for his warts. That would put your mind at ease. Besides, your friendship sounds like it’s on the brink anyway. And here’s a tip: you probably have lots of casual contact with many other people with genital warts without even knowing it — it’s a very common malady.
Thank you very much. I think he should also tell the girl about his genital warts before having sex with her. She must be given the option to reject or accept it. I also read that the virus can be passed just with skin-to-skin contact when there is a flare up. Is this true?
I feel bad about this. Although my friend is a responsible person, there is still a chance he could get carried away in the heat of passion and throw precaution and caution to the wind.
I imagine it is difficult to enjoy sex when you have to do and think of many things that could go wrong. Giving him my sympathy will not help. He alone has the burden of doing what has to be done before having sex to prevent contaminating his girl friend or spreading he genital warts around.
I will appreciate any additional information/clarification/advice you can give me about this.
Thank you again for your help.
Again, genital warts, like herpes, are contagious only when there’s a flair-up. Skin to skin contact can pass the virus at that point. Also, like herpes, if the genital wart virus has been treated, the likelihood of passing on the virus is negligible.
I am of the mind that we all ought to be responsible and up-front with our sex partners about any health related issues that may impact on the health of our partners.
I have been with the same man for 17 years now. Although he is not the only man I have been with he is most definitely the best. I suppose mostly that’s due to having years to experiment and practice, etc. Anyway, I have always had amazing orgasms all of which require clitoral stimulation regardless of position but the other night I had a gusher; I squirted a lot! He was inside me and I was using my vibrator. And when I got off, there was only this one big release, but there was so much fluid it made a spot on the bed twice the size of a large softball, maybe even larger. At first, I thought it was him until he asked if I was okay and that’s when I felt this warm honey-like feeling fill me. I have never had this happen before and would like to know if it’s normal or not to, all of a sudden, have an orgasm like that? Quite frankly I am not impressed for the fact that it was only 1 big release instead of my usual orgasm where I often climax for up to 2 minutes. And should I be embarrassed? What if his face had been down there? Thanks for your help
I’m so glad to hear that you have been having lots of amazing orgasms, Selena. Good for you! However, it seems to me that you’ve wandered into some new and uncharted orgasmic territory with the one you describe. In fact, it sounds like you’ve had your first ejaculation. There’s nothing abnormal about it, although it’s not all that common.
And why would you be embarrassed to have had an ejaculation while your partner was eating you out? Hasn’t your man ever busted his nut on your face? Isn’t it the same thing? I say, yes. And no man ever apologizes for that stunt.
There is a lot of controversy about female ejaculation. Well-meaning people in and out of the sex community continue to debate the topic. Women and men, scientists, clinicians, academicians, scientists, and lay people all have very strong opinions that they don’t mind insisting are that last word on the subject. And yet the debate continues to rage. I find that curious. But so much about human sexuality remains controversial. That probably says more about our culture than about sex, but you I’ll bet you know that already.
Anyhow, I’ve written a bit about female ejaculation on my site, there are some podcasts that discuss the topic too. Use the CATEGORY pull-down menu in the sidebar to your right and scroll down till you find ‘Female Ejaculation.’ It’s near the top under the heading, BODY ISSUES.
This is the sort of thing you will discover.
Do you have any suggestions about FE, I believe I have one once and it was total bliss. But achieving it again is quite another thing.
The G-spot (or Grafenberg Spot after the physician who first wrote about it) or Skene’s gland is a small area of spongy tissue just behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. This is analogous tissue to the male prostate. In fact, the G-spot is sometimes referred to as the female prostate. But like most things sexual, particularly if it has to do with female sexuality, there’s a lot of debate about whether the G-Spot is the same thing as the female prostate. I intend to steer clear of that controversy as much as possible.
In short, what I can tell you for sure is that during early fetal development all fetuses start out being potentially female. This does not change until a male fetus begins to produce its own hormones around the eighth week of gestation. Only then does the physical development of the male and female bodies diverge. Of course, this necessitates that all fetuses initially have structures that could develop into either male or female reproductive and sexual organs. This means the tissue that develops into the male prostate gland must also be present in females. Get it? Got it? Good!
Many women report that their G-area is more sensitive to stimulation than other parts of their internal genitals. To find your very own G-spot, put two fingers in your pussy and curve them upwards, like toward your belly. Now make a “come here” motion, stroking the upper wall of your vagina with a firm, upward pressure. Feel that? That’s your G-spot, darlin’! How fun is this?
Fingering yourself like this will probably be more pleasurable if you’re already aroused. Some women have orgasms and/or ejaculate from G-spot stimulation, but not all women ejaculate and not all women find G-spot stimulation pleasurable…wouldn’t ya just know it!
Some women report that they feel like they need to pee when their G-Spot is stimulated. Therefore, I suggest, that before you go rootin’ around in your pussy lookin’ for your g-spot, that you completely empty your bladder. Oh and make sure your fingers are well lubricated throughout your exploration. Even if you have a lot of your own vaginal lubrication, I always suggest the use of a water-based lubricant to augment your own juices.
As an aside, we all know that post-menopausal women experience bouts of vaginal dryness, but even younger women have dry episodes, especially if they are taking antihistamines or antidepressants.
If ya want to hit your G-spot while fucking, may I suggest you try “the woman-on-top — cowgirl” position or the “doggy” position. These are best because your partner’s dick (or strap-on) will be better situated to hit the front wall of your pussy.
***Guys, most women need firmer pressure to the front of their pussy to have a G-Spot orgasm. This might best be accomplished by quick strokes and a lot of deeper friction. But let your partner be your guide.
Like I mentioned earlier, G-Spot stimulation may cause you to ejaculate a small amount of white or clear fluid. Some women produce more ejaculate than others. Just remember, the gushers…the ones you see in porno movies…are faked for your viewin’ pleasure. I mean, come on; some of these videos would scare the fuck out of Noah!
Enjoy your exploration, T. Like I always say, the more you know about the mysterious workin’s of your own personal pussy the more information you’ll be able to share with your own personal partners.