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I’m Shocked! —— Part 3

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REVIEW #24

Hey sex fans,

We’re back with our final installment in this series that focuses on the pleasures of Erotic Electro Stimulation.  And the exceptional products of Paradise Electro Stimulations, PES.

Last week, as you recall, the Dr Dick Review Crew and I introduced you to a slew of very cool PES Electrodes that attach to the PES Power Box.  These are the thingies and that actually deliver the stimulation.  If you somehow missed either of the first two parts of our presentation, look for REVIEW #22 and #23.

This week the Review Crew will introduce you to even more PES Electrodes.  This week they are all pretty much gender specific — for those among us with manly parts.

This week’s Review Crew include:
Glenn & Hank — Reviews #4, 16, 17, 18, 23
Gina & Kevin — Reviews #4, 13, 16, 17, 18, 23

Glenn & Hank introduce us to the PES Tubular Mid Ring Electrode (C087) $70.00 and the PES Testicle Tubular Electrode (C085) $60.00.

Hank:  “Ya see, the Tubular Mid-Ring is designed to stimulate various points along your cock shat.”
Glenn:  “And the Testicle Tubular Electrode is designed to wrap around your nuts, as well as separating each of your balls to spread the e-stim all over your family jewels. You get to adjust the focus by tightening or loosening the fit of the tubing.
Hank:  “Put these babies together and you have some amazing sensations playing off one another all over your cock and balls.”
Glenn:  “The best thing is the Mid-Ring is completely adjustable.  It’s made of a flexible tubing that you can disconnect from the brass connection and cut to fit any spot on your dick, even right under your dickhead, like the PES Corona Stimulator.  Reconnect the tubing to the brass connection and you’re all set.”
Hank:  “The same is true for the Testicle Tubular Electrode.  So no one has to worry about a ‘one size fits all’ situation.  Because as we all know there is no such thing when it comes to cock and balls.”

c085.jpg c087.jpg

..full review here

Gina & Kevin introduce us to the PES Tubular Base Ring Electrode (C086)   $70.00 and the PES Prostate Stimulator Electrode (C092) $133.00.

Gina:  “When Kevin and I met, I was like this good little Catholic girl.  About as sexually adventurous as I ever got was having sex with the lights on.  I mean it, I must have been a real piece of work.”
Kevin:  “Yeah, it was like she had just escaped from a convent or something.  She was like totally adorable, with this knock-out body, but she was so timid and shy and like completely inexperienced.”
Gina:  “But look at me now!  Thanks to Kevin and our own devious Dr Dick I’ve gotten in touch with my inner ‘Dom’.  Despite my feminist leanings, I thought women were always subservient to men in the bedroom.  I never realized there were ‘Sub’ men.  And anyone who didn’t know Kevin and my little secret would never guess he loves to be dominated.  I mean, it came as a huge surprise to me.”
Kevin:  “It’s true.  Until that fateful first review I did as part of Dr Dick’s Review Crew. I never new I had an inner ‘Sub’ just dying to get out.  I just thought I like things in my ass.”
Gina:  “There’s so much more to this sex stuff than what meets the eye, huh?  I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to wake myself up to the erotic world around me.”
Kevin:  “So we have two electrodes to tell you about.  The Tubular Base Ring is much like the one Glenn and Hank used, only it’s larger and fits down at the base of your cock.  It’s designed to send intense stimulation all over your dick and down into your pelvis.  Because it’s uni-polar, ya have to use it in combination with another electrode. Ya get it?”
Gina:  “To be truthful, we didn’t get it right away either.  We both discovered that a single pole electrode, like the Tubular Base Ring, has to be used in conjunction with another single pole electrode to complete the erotic electro circuit.”
Kevin:  “Doesn’t she sound like Suzie Scientist?”
Gina:  “Shut up!”
Kevin:  “Luckily we had this other electrode, the Prostate Stimulator, (Mmmm, prostate stimulation) to use with the Base Ring.”
Gina:  “Yeah, I mean how lucky was that, butt boy?”
Kevin:  “By the way, the Tubular Ring can be cut to size to allow for a more individual fit.  The Prostate Stimulator, on the other hand is made up of two basic components:  A flexible T-shaped stem with a chrome plated electro conductive sphere at the tip.”

c092.jpg c086.jpg

..full review here

I’ll be the judge of that!

Name: Eddie
Gender: male
Age: 19
Location: Sacramento
I have a pretty big dick, almost 9 inches and if I try I can bend myself till the tip is just touching my lips and then I can shoot right in my mouth.  But I want to get more of my cock in my mouth because I think it’s hot.  Are there any exercises I can do to help me do this?  Thanks.

You go, dude!  Autofellatio, or self-sucking is every man’s dream.  Of course, if all selfsuck2.jpgof us men folk could blow ourselves, there would be no good reason for us to ever leave our house.

What we have here, sex fans, is a guy who can orally masturbate himself. According to the Kinsey Reports less than 1% of males can lick or suck their own cock.  Obviously, suckin’ is more difficult than lickin’, because the guy’s gotta fold himself over a whole lot more to get more of his unit in his mouth.  But it is doable for the lucky few.

Did you know that there is archaeological evidence for self-administered blowjobs in Egyptian hieroglyphs?   That’s right, sex fans!  According to researcher David Lorton, “Many ancient texts refer to autofellatio within the religious mythology of Egypt.  The sun god Ra is said to have created the god Shu and goddess Tefnut by sucking himself off, then spitting out his spunk into the ground.”  Yeah baby, give me that old time religion!

Successful self-sucking depends on two things, Eddie — having a big enough dick and being limber as all get-out so you can pretty much bend in half.  Every guy can do something about his flexibility, but none of us can grow our dick longer.  That’s why this behavior remains fantasy material for the vast majority of us wee willies.

autofellatio.jpgIf you want to suck your own cock it’s a good idea to begin by expanding your range of motion; ya know, working on becoming more limber.  Concentrate on stretching exercises that will help improve the flexibility in your legs, glutes, lower back, upper back and neck.  If you’re not doin Yoga, pup, now’s a good time to start.

Begin by stretching out your legs.  Your quads and hamstrings need to be nice and limber.  While lying flat on the floor, with your legs fully extended.  Lift each leg in succession.  Take hold of your calf or thigh and pull your bent leg toward your chest.  Hold this for 15 seconds, breathe deeply and release.  Repeat five more times.  Once you’re able to do one leg at a time, work on doing both legs at once.  Be careful not to over stretch, you don’t want to pull a muscle.

Next stretch your back and neck. While lying flat on the floor, clasp your fingers together place them behind your head and slowly roll yourself up while your hold your chin to your chest. This will be exactly like doing a crunch, only completely different.  Hold these stretches for 15 seconds apiece, breathe deeply and release.  Repeat five more times.

Once you’ve mastered these stretches to the point you can pert-near fold yourself in half, you should be getting close to being able to lick your own dick…if it’s long enough, that is.

While lying flat on the floor place, roll yourself up, legs to your head and place your knees, one at a time, on either side of your head so you’re looking at your crotch and your pud is pointed towards your lips. Don’t forget to breathe through these stretches.

Now grab your ass and pull your dick closer to your mouth.  If it’s meant to be, this is how it will happen.  If it’s not meant to be, it won’t.

But don’t despair, if ya can’t pull this off.  All those stretching exercises you’ve been doing will make you a much better lover with a partner.  Because you will be much more limber for all the sexual gymnastics, don’t cha know.

Name: Gil
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Ohio
I’m bi and I have both female and male lovers.  Right now, I’m in more of a same sex phase.  I’m dating two different guys that I like a lot.  Both are really nice and fun and the sex is pretty good.  But neither one of these guys — one is 23 and the other is 25, knows how to kiss worth a damn.  And I can’t get worked up without kissing.  The 23 year old claims to be mostly straight and says kissing is too queer for him.  The other guy is all like all open mouth teeth.  Yuck!  Is it just me, or is kissing a lost art for gay men?

You are so right on, Gil!  Kissing is a lost art, but not just for gay men.  Women kissing.jpgoften tell me that their straight male partners don’t know squat about kissing either.  Is it just too intimate a thing for manly men nowadays or what?

And yeah, it is queer for one guy to kiss another guy.  It’s supposed to be, for Pet’s sake!  What, does the 23 year old think he’ll maintain his “straightness” if he sucks and fucks another dude, but doesn’t kiss him?  WTF!

In my book, kissing is essential to satisfying sex.  If ya can’t kiss, I’d be willing to bet you can’t fuck either.  Oh, that’s not to say that you won’t be able to bump parts, any monkey can do that.  But real good fucking involves passion and how’s there supposed to be passion without kissing?  That’s what I’d like to know.

Kissing is often the first sexual experience we have.  Whether it’s a light kiss from a friend, or deep sensuous French kiss with a potential lover.  We can express so much with kissing — love, passion, friendship, commitment — and we can do so while fully clothed.

lesbian_kiss.jpg

Kissing someone on the mouth is bliss.  But taking those kisses to other places on your partner’s body is a mighty fine idea too.  I used to think kissing came naturally to us all, but now I’m convinced that’s now so.  It could be we all have an innate ability that just needs to be nurtured before it blossoms.  Whatever the case may be, there are some things the kissing challenged ought know.

Always make sure that your breath is fresh.  There’s nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath!  This is particularly important for those of you who still smoke.

Kissing not only involves your mouth, it also has to involve body contact, hugging and touching.

  • If you’re all open mouth, teeth and drool, you’re not kissing.
  • If you rush to jam your tongue into your partner’s mouth and down his or her throat, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re biting instead of nibbling, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re trying to cover his or her entire mouth with yours like some kind of freaky suction cup, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re kissing with your eyes wide open, you’re not kissing.
  • If your tongue is poking and prodding in your partner’s mouth like it is searching for lost food, you’re not kissing.
  • IF someone is kissing you and you’re not kissing back, you’re not kissing.
  • If you’re body is stiff, like a frozen slab of beef, you’re not kissing.
  • If your hands are stationary without a thing to do, you’re not kissing.
  • If you think kissing is something ya gotta do just to get laid, you’re not kissing.

kissing02.jpgIf you’re pressed for technique, or you’re simply clueless about where to begin, start by giving your partner a quick peck on the cheek or lips. Then move back a little, look him or her in the eye, then move in again for another kiss with a bit more passion this time.  Slowly build up the passion and excitement with a series of these kinds of seductive kisses till you’re all over one another like a bad cold.

Or try light kissing all over your partner’s face and neck pausing every now and again for a deep sigh and a longing look in his/her eyes.  Whatever you do, don’t suck or slobber.  Save that for when you’re eating her out or sucking his cock.

If you think you need practice kissing, and unless you’ve been told that you are a great kisser, you do need practice.  And you’re too timid to invite a partner to join you for the exercise, here’s what I propose you do.  Make a fist; turn it sideways so that you have the opening between your thumb and forefinger in front of you.  Kiss that.  Stand in front of a mirror and watch yourself.  If you look like they do in the movies, you may be on the right track.

When you think you’re getting the hang of it, move on to the real thing.  Don’t be shy we all have to start somewhere.  You might invite your partner to give you some feed back on how you’re doing.  Remember, practice makes perfect.

Name: Wilson
Gender: male
Age: 58
Location: Lancing MI
I’m a successful entrepreneur, in decent health (I could stand to lose a few pounds.) I have just about everything a man could want in life, but I’m miserable.  I have no energy and I feel like I’m sleepwalking through my life.  I have no sex drive at all; my wife thinks I’m having an affair…I wish.  Even Viagra doesn’t do the trick anymore.  Is this just old age, or what?

Old age, at 58?  I beg your pardon!  Hell, you’re not even technically a senior yet!  older_men.jpgRegardless what we call it, you sound like you’re in the throws of andropause — male menopause — ya know, the change of life!

Never heard of such a thing?  You’re not alone.  It’s only been recently that the medical industry has begun to pay attention to the impact changing hormonal levels has on the male mind and body.  Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant.  WRONG!

Every man will experience a decrease testosterone, the “male” hormone, as he ages.  This decline is gradual, often spanning ten to fifteen years on average. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

There’s no doubt a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more pronounced too.

While most all of us have heard of a mid-life crisis, and it’s tragic consequences — red convertible sports cars, comb-overs, and the trophy wife or lover — fewer have heard of andropause. A mid-life crisis is essentially a psycho-social adjustment to aging — bored at work, bored at home, bored with the wife or partner — that sort of thing.

Although andropause may coincide with a mid-life crisis, is not the same thing.  Andropause is a distinct physiological phenomenon that is akin to female menopause.

Like I said, the production of testosterone diminishes gradually after age 40.  I suppose you know that testosterone is the hormone that stimulates sexual development in the male infant, bone and muscle growth in adolescent males, and is responsible for our sexual drive, right?  But did you know that by the age of 55 the amount of testosterone secreted into our bloodstream is significantly lower than it was at 45.  And by age 80, most male hormone levels have decreased to pre-puberty levels.

  • Men, are you over 50, feeling weak, lethargic, depressed and irritable? Do you have mood swings, hot flashes, suffer from insomnia and decreased libido, like our buddy Wilson, here?  Then you too may be andropausal.  You need to get some lead back in your pencil!

check-up.JPGAll kidding aside, all us andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT).  Ask your physician about this.  Just know that some medical professionals resist testosterone therapy, because they mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer.  Even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. However, before starting a testosterone regiment, insist on a complete physical, including blood work and a rectal examine.  Mmmm, rectal exams!

Here’s an interesting tidbit; total testosterone, which is generally the only thing that is ever measured in men complaining of andropausal symptoms, is only low in relation to the standard laboratory “normal range” in 13% of cases. However, more detailed blood analysis shows that  bio-available Testosterone, which is the important measure, is decreased in 74% of cases.

Testosterone is available in many forms — oral, injectable, trans-dermal and by way of implants. The oral form is not recommended because of the high risk of liver damage.  But injections, patches, pellets, creams and gels might be just the answer.

I encourage you to be informed about TRT before you approach your doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively — by you and your doctor.

I just found a swell resource online:  The Andropause Society.  Check it out!

Good luck ya’ll

Hard to Heart

Name: Julian
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: mexico city
What does CBT mean?

Geez, CBT could mean all sorts of things, depending on the context. It could stand for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, something the good doctor knows a great deal about. It could also stand for Computer Based Training, but why in the world would you be asking dr dick about that? Let me see what else…CBT also stands for “Cock and Ball Torture”.

Yeah, that’s it! That’s what you want to know about, huh Julian — you little pervert. Good forcbt.jpg you!

As a matter of fact, there are all manner of torture techniques for your cock and balls — Slapping, Squeezing, Pinching, Bondage, even the use of weights. Tickling can be a form of torture too. A dude’s package can withstand a great deal of torment. But dolling out professional grade torture is not for the amateur. The dominant (as opposed to the submissive) really needs to know what he or she is doing. Carelessness can lead to severe injury.

In some cases, “torture” is really mostly “play”. One’s cock and balls are simply tugged on or stretched out, maybe with some weights. There’s cock and ball bondage too — the family jewels trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey. And that’s just the beginning. Imagine what you could do with your mother’s old clothespins. See, now you’re putting two and two together!

Oh, and the “T” word doesn’t necessarily stand for torture. It can represent a full range of play — from tickling and teasing to torment and torture.

If you’re interested in investigating the pain/pleasure of cock and ball torture for your self, Julian, here’s a safe way to start. Begin by experimenting with different sensations. Look around the house for things you can brush or rub against your cock and balls. Start with something soft like a silk scarf. Progressively work your way to something with a rough texture, like a scrub brush. You will also notice that the sensations are different when your dick is soft, as opposed to when it’s hard.

Try a hollowed-out, cylindrical loofa sponge. Get it good and wet, and slip it over your hardon and try jerkin’ off with it. Rubber bands can be applied to your cock and balls. Not only for the constriction sensation, which is delightful in itself. But you can also snap those puppies for some delicious pain.

Lots of pervs like cock and ball spanking. You could try your hand at this, so to speak. Or you could employ a kitchen wooden spoon or spatula. They work nicely too. Prickly things like a fork can be used to scrape or drag over your cock and balls. Poke them lightly if you like. Be careful though; you do not want to break the skin and draw blood.

wirecocktrap.jpgCock and ball bondage can be a delight. Nylon rope is a good choice for this, but nothing beats 100% cotton clothesline. If you want something a bit more abrasive, try a little something in hemp.

Again, safe play is happy play. Wrap the rope around your cock, and around each of your balls separately. Use the rope to stretch your sac. A little discomfort is desirable, but just don’t over do it. Remember the sensations will become more intense as your dick engorges with blood. Keep this kind of play to less than 10 minutes at a time. Watch for signs of distress — your dick will veer to the color purple and your balls will feel cool to the touch. When that happens, it’s time to loosen the restraints and move on to something else for a while.

If you really get into this you can find loads of more professional torture implements at My Stockroom. Look for the tab at the top of the page. There’s a whole department in my online store devoted to cock and ball toys. You might want to start with a cock and ball harness. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

CBT is great for livening up and extending a ho-hum jerk off session too. And here’s a tip: once you know what you like and how you like it; you can turn on your partner to the practices. Speaking of partners, the novice perv might want to surrender his privates to a professional Dom for some training. A well-versed mistress or master will be able to take you places you’ve only dreamed about. A pro Dom is also a great resource for the do-it-yourself kinda guy. Before you launch into uncharted waters, seek the advice of someone who has made the study of pain/pleasure his or her life’s work. And don’t expect to get this information for free.

Cock and ball play can be loads of fun — alone or with others. Just remember the mantra — safe play is happy play. Experimenting is fine, but if you get in over your head and you don’t know what the fuck you are doing — STOP. Go back to something more suitable to your skill set.

Name: mariana
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Location: washington
i lost my virginity yesterday and i did not bleed why is this?

Are congratulations in order, Mariana? Was your first time enjoyable? Are you happy you’re no longer a virgin? It’s so amazing to me that you didn’t mention any thing about your first fuck other than that fact that you didn’t bleed. I guess, for some young women, that all that really matters.

As you may know, a hymen is a mucous membrane that is part of the vulva, the external part ofhymen_morphologie.jpg your genitals. It’s located outside the vagina, which is the internal part of your genitals. Not all women have a noticeable hymen. You may or may not have had one to begin with. However most women do. Simply put, having a hymen and/or having it rupture during one’s first fuck is not a reliable indicator of virginity.

Many girls and teens tear or otherwise dilate their hymen while participating in sports like cycling, horseback riding and gymnastics. A young woman can tear her hymen inserting a tampon, or while masturbating. And it’s possible that the girl may not even know she’s done this. Often there is little or no blood or pain when it happens. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty. Like I said, the presence or absence of a hymen and/or bleeding in no way indicates whether or not you are a virgin.

Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a cock to enter without tearing, or they tear only partially, and there is NO bleeding at all. As I hope you know, when you are adequately aroused, you lubricate and your vagina becomes more flexible. It will stretch without discomfort for most women. It’s even possible for a woman to have sex for years without ‘tearing’ her hymen. And, like I said, some women never have much of a hymen to begin with.

Name: Mike
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Hi, my name is mike I’m 20 and I’m a bisexual. And I have an 8 and half inch uncircumcised cock. And I believe my stepmom has been spying on me. Now do I take the opportunity to have sex with her, or do I let it go. She’s extremely beautiful, very thick with a nice hairy pussy and big titties. I’ve seen her spying on me numerous times. What should I do? Should I drill her or should I not? Let me know.

AS IF, Mike! Nice try though.

I have a good deal of experience working with real issues of intra-family sex, so when your message arrived I knew it was sheer fantasy.

There is so much about your story that is completely unbelievable. First, you start out with way too much information about yourself — your bisexuality and your eight and a half inches of uncut cock. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Unless, of course, you’re flashing your boy boner to your unsuspecting stepmother. But then if you’re flashing her, she can’t be spying on you. More likely, she is revolted by your impudence and has yet to confront you about it.

33518098_240×240_front_color-ashgrey.jpgSecond, you don’t give enough information about how the supposed spying occurs. Someone with a real story to tell would have reversed these things. He would have gone into detail about the incident or incidents involving his stepmother and he wouldn’t have volunteered the size and shape of his johnson.

The next mistake you make is the detailed description you volunteer of your super-hot MILF of a step mom — beautiful, thick, hairy pussy, big titties. How would you know she has a hairy pussy unless you’re spying on her? BUSTED!

And say, what’s a 20 year old doing still living at his father’s house anyway? Are you some kind of deadbeat slacker?

Should you drill your stepmother? Indeed, what could possibly go wrong with a bone-head son fucking his father’s wife? In your dreams, Mike. In your dreams!

Even though Mike here is full of shit, there may be others in my audience who are really struggling with issues of intra-family sex. So I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss this very thorny issue a bit. Incest, particularly the heterosexual kind, or the adult to child type, is considered taboo and a serious crime in nearly every culture, both past and present. There’s plenty of good reason for this, not least of which is issue of inbreeding. But the genetic concerns aside, the most devastating thing about incest is the secrecy. No one violates this universal taboo in the open. The secrecy and the inevitable shame and guilt will, sure as shootin’, destroy a family dynamic.

Even when the intra-family sex is not technically incest — sex between blood relatives — like Mike’s fantasy with his fantasy step mom — the secrecy, the violation of the inherent family bond of trust and the inescapable guilt and shame will destroy the relationship between the perpetrators as well as destroy the family.

If you find yourself in a seductive situation with family member, don’t give in to theincesttee02.jpg temptation. Even a seemingly harmless encounter between consenting adults will inevitably have dire consequences for all concerned.

Finally, because the incest taboo is so strong and so universal it also creates the perfect environment for equally powerful fantasy development. Take Mike as an example. This lad’s fertile imagination, coupled with an overactive libido and too much time on his hands, has created the quintessential jack-off material for horny adolescent. He imagines himself man enough to fish in the same waters as his old man. Titillating whimsy for sure and definitely lots of boy juice will be spilt into wadded up Kleenex. But that’s precisely where it needs to say — as a cherished albeit forbidden fantasy.

  • Finally, we have a follow-up question from a fellow with a ball problem. This guy wrote me to tell me he thinks he might have an abnormality in his nut sack. I wrote back to him: “I applaud you taking note of your balls in an inquisitive sort of way. Good for you! But you should also have at least a rudimentary understanding of your testicular anatomy. So that when you do your self-exam, you can have some sense about what it is you are examining.” To that purpose, I offered a medical diagram for him to look at. Despite my promptings to take his huevos to a doctor for a look see, he decided to write to me once again. D’oh!

Name: anoras
Gender:
Age: 47
Location: Northridge CA
Thank you so much for your previous reply and for the diagram. Yes, I’ve seen it before but really didn’t look at it precisely — Ooops. So let’s see, the thing that goes into the testicles and that gangs up to the top of the testicle, that must be what I am referring to. Feeling my balls now I realize that it is at the top and not the bottom. Can I conclude that maybe I did feel it at that time on the top and thought it at the bottom, and/or that at that time maybe I my testicle turned around for some reason? Next, at the area where it is globulous, if pressure is placed on it, would it have a pain feeling rather than applying pressure anywhere else on the testicle? That is the question I’m asking, whether there are any areas on the testicle that you would naturally feel lumps and/or pain with any pressure. The next question would be if there are ways that the testicles can be turned around and when they do can they be readjusted. Thanks in advance for your understanding and great responses.

testicleantomy.jpgSheesh, darling, take your nuts to a freakin’ doctor already, why don’t cha?

Since I’m not there, while you root around in your groin, I can’t see what you’re referring to. And even if I were there watching you poke and prod and I could feel what you feel, I wouldn’t hazard a guess about what’s going on with you. I am not a physician!

You ask again about lumps. Here’s a rule of thumb for us all: If you got lumps of any sort see a doctor. You ask again about pressure and pain. Since I have no way of knowing what kind of pressure you are applying, all I can say is, if you’re applying lots of pressure, it’s probably gonna hurt. If your applying only light pressure and it hurts, I’d guess there’s a problem — see your doctor.

And no, I’ve never heard of inverted testicles — see your doctor!

Ok, audience, what have we learned in today’s lesson? If any of us has a concern about what we think might be an abnormality in our naughty parts…or any other part for that matter, don’t write me…more than once…go see the doctor. Get it? Got it? GOOD.

Good luck ya’ll

Anything Goes…

Name: Denise
Gender: Female
Age: 35
Location: Colorado
My husband and I have two beautiful sons, 11 and 13. We are a naturist family. Our children have grown up in this way of life and they have a healthy appreciation for the human body and are comfortable with nudity. Recently, both our sons said they did not want to join my husband and I at our yearly naturist retreat. We are honoring their wishes, but we are disappointed by their decision. Any thoughts on were we may have gone wrong?

Let’s give our readership a little background first, shall we Denise? For the uninformed, nudists or naturists practice social nudity. While nudity is an obvious aspect of nudism, it is just part of a much larger lifestyle and life philosophy.

festival311.jpg

The nudist/naturist lifestyle promotes a wholesome appreciation of the human body, mind, and spirit. They believe that this wholesomeness comes easiest to those who shed the psychological and social encumbrance of clothing.

Naturists also promote health through complete contact of the whole body with the natural elements. Nudism is practiced, as much as possible, in environments free of the pollution and the stress of modern living. It also involves a holistic approach to nutrition, physical activity, mental health, and social interaction.

As Denise suggests, nudism fosters family participation. Children in naturist families learn to appreciate the human body as part of their natural environment. They often grow up with healthier attitudes toward the physical body and do so with much less fear or shame their non-naturist peers.

naturism2.jpgNow on to your concern, Denise. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. On the contrary, I think you are navigating this seeming change of heart by your kids very well. You’ve decided, and rightly so, to honor their wishes to not participate in the whole naturists thing for the time being.

Your boys are going through puberty and that alone is enough to set their whole world on its head. They may also be facing intense peer pressure from their non-naturist mates. Societal pressures to fit in and conform, even to unhealthy cultural dictates about “proper” behavior and injurious hyper body consciousness is particularly demanding during the early teenage years. Somehow the desire to be popular distorts a kid’s perception and can screw up his/her self-esteem.

Ideally, your son’s nudist upbringing would give them the ability to look past these superficial elements, and maybe they will in time. Right now, they need to feel they have more of a control over some of the externals of their life. And it is easy enough for you and your husband to grant them this. I would hasten to add that you and the hubby ought not sink to the lowest common denominator. I encourage you to continue to live your lifestyle as before. Your kids need to know that if they want their wishes respected, they’ll need to respect yours.

With a little luck, the body acceptance, self-respect and confidence you’ve instilled in your sons will once again kick in once their hormones simmer down. Just know that the anxiety you and your husband are experiencing is simply part and parcel of being parents to teens…nudist or non.

Name: Ed Clarke
Gender:
Age: 52
Location: Chicago
Dr. Dick, Please settle a bet. I say that a man with an 8 inch dick has more nerve endings than one who has only 5 inches of meat, and that means he gets more sexualsailor04.jpg stimulation of his joystick and greater pleasure. What do you say, Doc?

Ahhh, a betting man, are ya Ed? Ok, simply put, an 8-inch dick has indeed more skin than a 5-incher, but not more nerve endings. Just like a guy with a long neck has more skin than a guy with a short neck, but both guys have the same number of neck bones.

The nerve endings in a relatively short dick are more concentrated than those in a longer dick, but they function just the same. If you need further proof, consider a woman’s clit. It’s tiny compared to an 8-inch boner, but it packs more wallop per square centimeter than that big boy.

I also hesitate to endorse any notion that a bigger dick enjoys more sexual stimulation than a smaller dick. Skillful stimulation has less to do with size than it does with technique. And the notion that a bigger dick may somehow be the source of more pleasure than one that’s not so big…is also a myth. Once again, I refer you to that marvelous creation — the clit.

So I guess it’s time to pay up, huh Mr. Clarke?

Name: Katrina
Gender:
Age: 26
Location: Dallas
Dear Dr Dick: I am a 26 year old woman and want to trim my bush but am scared to go to the waxing salon. Is the salon safe? Do you have any recommendations for how I could go about this myself? Are there home kits?

Have you considered using the old weed-whacker, darlin’? Oh wait, not that kind of bush trimming, huh?ladypruning.jpg

OK, let’s see, are salons safe? I suppose if you entrusted your precious bush to a licensed establishment you’d be fine.

Any recommendations for how you could go about doing this yourself? I haven’t talked to too many women about this, but most of the men I know who manscape their pubes do so with a disposable razor while in the shower. Some submit to waxing, but most say it hurts way too much. Men are such PUSSIES!

Waxing has been around for centuries. People used to rid themselves of their pubic hair to cut down on infestations of lice and other unwanted vermin. Nowadays waxing and shaving are merely cosmetic in nature. I’m personally a big fan of the natural look, but to each his own, right?

wax_job.jpgWaxing can be done at home, and yes, there are kits available. I don’t know too much about these kits, so I can’t advise you further. What I can offer you is the basics — hot wax is applied to the hair infested areas of the skin, and a strip of cloth or paper is pressed into the wax. The strip is then quickly pulled away, taking the hair with it. OUCH! What price beauty???

This method is fast and relatively inexpensive…at least as one compares it to a salon job. But for the novice at-home waxer, this can also become very messy and if the done improperly the hair can break off below the surface of the skin and cause unsightly red bumps that look like prickly heat. This can also lead to an infection. And that’s never a good thing.

At-home kits can cost from $25-$75. Professional wax jobs can run from $50-$200 depending on the area treated.

Name: Marti
Gender: female
Age: 27
Location: Seattle
Is there such a thing as an asexual? The reason I ask is that I think I am one. I’m happy and well adjusted, but sex does nothing for me. I can’t orgasm. My genitals are icky. My marriage seems fine. I love my husband; we share the same values. And even if there’s nothing in it for me, I’m apparently pretty good at fellatio. We don’t do intercourse. Is this normal for some people? Are some people simply not wired to be sexual? I have no problems with love. I’m passionate about my husband and my friends, but it’s more of a cerebral thing.

Yeah, Marti, I do believe there is such a thing as an asexual. But I don’t think you’re one. Ya know why I say that? It’s because an asexual has an indifference toward sex. You, dear lady, exhibit disgust toward sex and things sexual…including your very own pussy. And that tells me you have an aversion to sex, which is completely different from what an asexual feels about sex.sexy-couple.jpg

I’d also have to challenge you on your statement that you are happy and well adjusted. I just don’t buy it, darlin’! And here’s a tip, if you have to go out of your way to tell someone you are happy and well adjusted, you’re probably neither.

In my estimation, a young married, albeit preorgasmic, woman who denies her hubby the old in and out, but begrudgingly blows him when absolutely necessary is NOT happy or well adjusted. SORRY! Since you have never known the joys of sex, you can hardly dismiss them as unimportant.

If we had access to your long-suffering husband I think he would tell a different tale than you, Miss Marti. I’ll betcha he’s withering on the vine for lack of nookie — the odd semi-obligatory blowjob he gets doled out to him on occasion not withstanding.

Listen darling, you got issues…big fuckin issues that need to be addressed ASAP. Don’t go trying to cover your shit with a happy face like asexuality. You’ll give all those real sexual ascetics a bad name if ya do.

female_masturbate.jpgBegin by resolving your anorgasmia, or as other call it preorgasmia. Because that, my dear, is the root of your sexual aversion. Work with a qualified sex-positive therapist. Learn to masturbate in a way that will bring you sexual satisfaction. Once you and your trusty vibrator slams yourself your first screamin’ meme of an orgasm, I believe you will change your tune about the rest of sex and your much maligned pussy too.

We can only hope that your deprived spousal unit will stick around during this remedial period. But you’re gonna have to level with him. Tell him you’ve finally accepted the fact that you have a problem that you need to get to the bottom of it, so to speak. With his help and support and that of your therapist, you’ll find your way to real happiness and being an authentically well-adjusted person, not just someone who says she is.

Anything short of this kind of honesty will continue to rob your husband of the full-fledged sex life he ought to be enjoying with you his wife. If ya don’t you can be sure ‘ole hubby will find his satisfaction in a more welcoming pussy than yours…if he hasn’t already.

Good luck ya’ll

Merrily We Roll Along!

Hey sex fans,

I hope ya’ll survived the holidays. I did! Although I can’t tell you how glad I am that all that nonsense is over.

Before we begin, I just want to remind you that my podcasts will resume next Monday, January 07. I have a slew of interesting questions that have been piling up over the past couple of weeks. So I can guarantee you it will be a juicy podcast. Don’t miss it!

Name: Fay
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: LA
I met this guy on the Internet and he seemed nice and all, but I wasn’t that turned on to him. All I remember is he was pretty nerdy and had really sweaty palms. We went out a couple of time, nothing serious. He just wasn’t my type. So I stopped responding to his calls. Last week I was out at this club with some friends and I saw Mr. Nerdy with this other chic. And I was like, wait a minute, that skank’s hornin’ in on my stuff! I know I wasn’t returning his calls, but still, I saw him first. It was like totally freaky, how they were all kissy-kissy right there in everyone’s face. What should I do?

Seriously? What should you do? How about getting a life. you vacuous twit? And Iwoman_screaming.jpg mean that in the nicest sort of way.

If you could just pull your head out of your ass long enough for you to listen to yourself; your misguided notions about dating and your fundamental lack of respect for the feelings of others would surly grate on you as much as it does me. Your mindless chatter is like fingernails on a blackboard. I mean REALLY!

Think about what you are suggesting here. You’re gettin’ all territorial about some guy you could barely bring yourself to give the time of day to and then blew off like he was excess baggage. You didn’t bother to take the time to look beyond his nerdy-ness and his sweaty palms like this other woman have done. Had you done so, you might have discovered what this other “skank,” as you so lovingly refer to her, has found. But ya didn’t!

Like most nerds, this guy probably developed other means of making himself attractive and interesting to compensate for his nerdy-ness. Maybe he’s got a big ol’ dick, or he’s great in the sack. Maybe he got a big bank account or maybe he simply has a handle on the basic social graces, something that you, dear Fay, have yet to grasp.

Your jealousy is neither cute nor charming. It does, however, mark you as self-centered and childish. For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of a person’s lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Here’s a tip: try and develop a healthier sense of self, so that you’ll mature into someone who can interact with others in a respectful manner that is befitting another human being.

Oh, and have a nice day!

Name: Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Location: Toronto
I’m 25, 5-foot-7 and weigh 105 pounds. I take care of my body by eating right and exercising regularly. My problem is that I hate the way I look. I am actually repulsed by my body. I take very brief showers and avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m not a prude. Others being nude is fine with me. But my body image issues are hindering my sexual encounters. I always want to wear a shirt or have the lights off.

My current boyfriend says that if I trust him enough to sleep with him I should trust him enough to let him see me naked. He also has told me that we can’t continue seeing each other if this doesn’t improve. But I let him see every part of my nude body — just not all at once. So he knows I’m not hiding some monstrous deformity or anything. I guess I thought my boyfriend would be more sensitive to my fear and let me stay covered up. Do I owe him nudity?

Hold on there, girlfriend, you think your BF is being insensitive because he wants to enjoy your body in the buff…with the lights on? You think that he’s sticking around just to needle you about your phobia? Honey, get over yourself!

Do you honestly think that your body-positive BF oughta facilitate and participatecrystal_pussy.jpg in your pathology? Yeah, like why don’t we all just sink to the lowest common denominator? And here’s a tip, doll: you do have a monstrous deformity. Perhaps it’s not a physical deformity, but it sure enough is a psychological one.

I concur with your boyfriend; your relationship is on the line here. You need to get a handle on your hang-ups, darlin’, or you can just say good-bye to whatever sex and intimacy you may currently be enjoying.

Listen, I have a thing about sex and intimacy being a gift one gives another. So I ask you, how can you give yourself as a gift to anyone if you are disgusted with the gift you’re giving? And you’ll never convince me that your body issues aren’t seeping into and sabotaging the sex you may be having with your long-suffering BF. I’ll betcha you don’t let him get too close to the body parts you begrudgingly expose to him…when the lights are out.

Joanne, like I suggest above, being repulsed by your own body is a sign of a deep psychological problem. I’d suggest you get to the bottom of this with a sex-positive therapist right away.

When I encounter this sort of thing in my practice, inevitably my client and I discover a past body related trauma to be at root of his or her current disgust. Left untreated, this aversion could easily morph into a desire to do yourself harm. It’s a common enough phenomenon; so don’t let that happen.

And to your closing question about do you “owe” him nudity; what the fuck is that? Is your sexuality and the intimacy you share with your BF something to be bid and bargained for, like beads in a bazaar? Sex and intimacy is either a gift freely given or it’s coerced.

If you’re feeling coerced about being naked with the man who loves you, you’d better set him free and get thee to a nunnery.

NEXT, ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL

Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

Without further ado, here’s dr dick’s long awaited seminar on being a great ass fuckin’ top. This is a companion piece to an earlier tutorial for you novice bottoms out there — Liberating the BOB Within (That’s Big Old Bottom).

closeup1.jpgThis tutorial is for anyone who is considering being a top in butt fucking sex, regardless of whether the meat injection is 100% prime or a beef substitute — like a strap-on dildo, these words of wisdom are for you.

Some people are not open to experimentation when it comes to their precious asshole. They think it’s gonna be painful, or worse…the mere idea grosses them out. First off, you don’t want to try toppin’ one of these folks. A good top should know it makes no sense at all to try to force, or worse belittle an unwilling bottom to give up his or her rosebud if he/she is not inclined to do so. This is simply a waste of everyone’s time. Because if you do succeed in gettin’ the unwilling bottom to relent and the attempted fuck confirms the bottom’s earlier suspicions that this activity is indeed painful and/or gross; you will have won the skirmish, but you will have lost the war.

Second, before a top commences a fuck of any kind he or she oughta considerfemale_buttfuck.jpg whose pleasure is primary in this particular fuck-fest. There is a big difference between fucking for the top’s pleasure, for the bottom’s pleasure, or for mutual pleasure. If a top is trying to finesse a novice bottom into exploring his/her ass, that top needs to resign him or herself to concentrating on the bottom’s pleasure first and foremost.

Start by getting the bottom comfortable being touched where the sun don’t shine. Lubricate your hand and massage the outside of his or her hole. Make some lazy little circles with your fingers and drive your bottom wild with desire. When her sphincter starts to quiver, as it surely will, slowly penetrate your bottom’s butt with a lubricated finger tip. After a few minutes of just hangin’ out down there with your finger in his poop chute, you can begin to slowly slide your finger in and out. When you’re fingerin’ someone for the first time, be sure to take your time. Allow his or her muscles to adjust to being penetrated. You might want to incorporate a thin vibrating dildo and/or some expert rimming to pave the way for bigger things.

fingering.jpgWhen a top fingers a bottom like this, he or she ought consider the width of his dick or her strap-on while doing so. For example, once your bottom can take two fingers comfortably and three fingers with a minimum of discomfort he or she is ready to take a modest sized cock or dildo inside. If you’re very well endowed or you plan to strap on a dildo that resembles a floor lamp, you’d better adjust this finger formula based on the width of your fingers and your equipment.

A clean asshole is a happy and fuckable asshole. Hygiene is essential for both tops and bottoms. Bottoms need to anally douche beforehand. And tops, once your cock or your strapped on dildo has been inside your bottom’s ass, don’t go puttin’ that thang anywhere else (mouth, pussy, whatever) until you’ve washed it with soap and water. Carelessness in the hygiene department is just inviting a very serious infection.

Tops, be sure to use a good lube and make sure you have your favorite condoms near to hand. Getting your bottom into the right position, one that is comfortable for both of you is paramount. There are way too many positions for me cover here, but when choosing a position, consider —

  • your preference
  • the bottom’s preference
  • your cock and/or dildo size
  • your body type, and the bottom’s body type.

femalebutthole.jpgYou may find that a pillow or two will help support and prop up the bottom in most positions.

Painful fucking is a sign that something is being done incorrectly. It is definitely not a sign from god that ass fucking itself is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few predictable reasons: the bottom is too tense and is tightening up. The top is being impatient and is pushing too hard. There may not be enough lubricant. Or the cock or strap-on is too big for the bottom’s experience level.

Obviously. both top and bottom should be comfortable and feel at least some pleasure in the fuck. However, it’s perfectly fine, on occasion, to concentrate on one person’s pleasure over the pleasure of the other. Just make sure you both agree on who’s pleasure is gonna be the focus of any given fuck.

Topping is a skill like any other. Practice will improve your technique. And while practicing, invite and then listen to the feedback coming from your bottom.

Ok, let’s review.

  1. Always use a lubricant…and a lot of it. Water-based lubes are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. I’m not suggesting that you stop trying altogether; just don’t push yourself onto your bottom when he or she wants you to stop. Find the source of the problem lubrication, position, whatever, resolve the problem, then resume the fuck.
  3. Take it slow. There is no need to rush, especially if you’re experimenting with anal sex for the first time.
  4. A bottom’s desire to be fucked does not insure pleasurable cornhole-ing. It’s nice that he or she might want to surrender his or her ass, but that’s not gonna make it happen on its own.
  5. Always communicate with your bottom. Keep your communication playful and smutty.
  6. Tops, be open about what you want and how it’s feeling. “Oh baby, that’s right you’ve got such a tight hole. You want my big meat in your ass? Yes you do! Open up for daddy…or momma…as the case may be.” Get the picture?

Some experienced bottoms can orgasm with ass fucking alone. Women do so through pelvic muscle contractions, men because of pressure applied to their prostate.

inthehay.jpgOh, and here’s something you need to know. We all have two sphincter muscles. If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your ass and press your fingertip against the side you’ll find them both. There is less than a quarter-inch between them.

The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system, which means you can tense and relax this sphincter at will. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system making it involuntary. This muscle responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause your bottom’s hole to tense up automatically even if he or she is trying to relax.

Tops, remember the rectum is not straight (no pun intended). After the short anal canal that connects the asshole to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. That’s way some people are anatomically less suited to ass fucking than others.

Finally, the best attribute a top can have is his or her sense of humor about the whole friggin deal. Fucking ain’t as easy as it looks, at least not at first. But perseverance will win the day.

Good luck ya’ll

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