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Hey sex fans,

Listen up!

I’m adding this new feature to my Q&A columns.  Whenever possible, I will include in my response a link to a movie in my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page?) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.  (Click on the images below for viewing information.)

Name: Spencer
Age: 37
Location: Ottawa
I am very interested in learning more about prostate massage and milking techniques.  Are you familiar with these things?  Thank you.

I am very familiar with both prostate massage and the fetish commonly known as milking.

But let’s begin with prostate massage, because it is something every guy can practice and enjoy.  I a53342_xlfrecommend all us men folk be prostate aware.  You know I’m a big advocate of frequent prostate self-exam, right?  And I figure while you’re down there rootin’ around in your butt-hole checking for abnormalities, hey spend a little more time and give yourself a nice massage why don’t ‘cha?  Fingers work just fine for this, but an insertable vibrator is…well…out of this world.  Prostate massage is a wonderful way to expand your self-pleasuring repertoire, especially for all you guys out there who only know how to yank on their dick for joy.  And ladies, prostate massage is a great way to play with your male partners.  Perhaps if you signal to your guy that a little butt play can be fun, more straight guys will be less ass-phobic and the world will be a much better place, don’t cha know.

You can feel your prostate gland by inserting a finger a couple of inches or so into your bum.  If you are the least bit aroused your prostate will feel like a smooth rounded flat lump about the size of a large almond. Just in back of and up from your prostate is a smaller triangular wedge shaped nodule that is the bottom portion of your somewhat larger seminal vesicles.  This, by the way, is where most of your jizz is produced and stored. Underneath the seminal vesicles are the ampullae, which are tiny reservoirs for your sperm that will mix with all the other fluids produced by the vesicles and your prostate when you cum.

a73296_xlfAs you become aroused, ejaculatory fluid and sperm accumulate in these glands backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory ducts. When the fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the muscular contractions of your ejaculation.  This empties the glands and you’ve just shot your wad.

Naturally, if one abstains from ejaculating for a while and prolongs his arousal stage, say like through edging, more fluids will build up, making for a larger load and a more explosive orgasm.

So with that little anatomy lesson behind us, so to speak, we can get back to prostate massage.  Simply insert your well-lubricated middle finger or middle finger and index finger into your butt hole and apply a little pressure.  Slowly massage your prostate.  Doesn’t that feel yummy?  Some men can cum by prostate massage alone.  Hell, you may find that you don’t even need a stiff dick to enjoy an orgasm and/or an ejaculation.

a83370_xlfNow to kink things up a bit we introduce the fetish called milking.  This is mostly a partnered — dom/sub, bondage/discipline — sort of deal.  But a guy can certainly do it on his own if he’d like.  Basically, the object here is to drain and collect the spunk produced.  How it’s collected?  Well that’s is up for grabs.  Ya see there are a zillion variations on the milking theme.  Some practitioners deny the donor the pleasure of an orgasm while collecting his jizz.  Ice packs are placed on a guy’s cock and balls before milking begins.  The spooge will flow through prostate massage and masturbation, but there won’t be much feeling for the donor.

Another interesting twist on milking is to completely restrain and blindfold the donor.  This may include a little (or a lot) of cock and ball torture (CBT) during the milking sessions.  There are even milking machines available, not unlike the contraptions that milk a mother’s breast, for the medical fetishists among us.

There are sadists who revel in denying the donor any sexual release except for his milking sessions.  This is where a male chastity belt will come in mighty handy.  A guy will still need to a71598_xlfhave his balls drained, so to speak, every few weeks in order to avoid him losing his joy juice in a wet dream or when he takes a piss. But with regular prostate milkings, a dude can be deprived of orgasmic release for a long time with no harmful effects.

Those going for volume rather than frequency practice what is known as cum control, which takes edging to a whole new level.   Their objective is to go as long as possible without triggering an orgasm or a wet dream.  Since the pressure of fluid buildup increases with each arousal, the urgency to have an ejaculation also increases.  To deny himself the release is, for some, exquisitely painful.

If you’re still looking for more information on all of this, search them interweb tubes for key words like:  Semen Worship / Orgasm Control / Cum Control / Milking / Edging / Chastity and Cock and Ball Torture.

Name: Shelly
Age: 21
Location: Atlanta
How come men are seen as ‘studs’ and women as ‘sluts’ for doing the same things.

Basically darling, that’s because our culture is pretty fucked up — sexually, and in so many other was too.

Despite the progress we’ve made over the last 50 years to liberate ourselves from suffocating 5Blit2oaSplgn264lJN97XCpo1_400sex-role stereotyping and culturally induced gender expectations, we are nowhere near being free and clear of all that crap.

Changing societal attitudes about sex begins with each one of us carving out our own healthy place to celebrate our sexuality.  Carving out that place means we don’t tolerate this or any other kind of double standard bullshit from those around us.  It’s tough standing against the tide of sexual bigotry, but it will make you strong and proud.  Banding together with other like-minded people for support and encouragement is also important.

The biggest danger, of course, is that young, sexually progressive women will, in time, cave to the pressure to conform.  They will begin to internalize the madonna/whore dichotomy that has plagued all of us for millennia and pass it on to yet another generation of vulnerable women.  The risk is always there; so vigilance is the only response.

And all you guys out there who think that this double standard is the way things oughta be.  Think again!  You are not a stud if you cheapen your sexual partners by degrading them; you’re just an asshole.

Name: Brianna
Age: 30
Location: San Diego
I’ve been so disturbed about the increasing number of recalled Chinese made products lately — dog food, toothpaste, children’s toys and the like — that I was horrified to discover that most of my sex toys are made in China.  I suppose this is a dumb time to ask, but how safe are sex toys?

That is a real good question, Brianna.  Ya know there was a time when I thought that the greatest hazard to the ardent sex toy consumer was simply all the poorly designed and cheaply a2458_xlfmanufactured crap that floods the marketplace.  But in light of the alarming news of recent months about the safety risks of many products coming from China, I think there is room for concern about the safety of Chinese made sex toys.

I hasten to add that not all Chinese imports are dangerous.  Nor are all products grown or manufactured in the US safe.  But there is a long history of unscrupulous Western companies exploiting the Chinese labor force.  This greed and abuse leads to a dangerous mix that often has dire consequences.

Obviously there is no government regulatory agency out there with a mandate to protect us from unsafe or unhealthful sex toys.  Of course, one can make the case that even when there is a government regulatory agency with a mandate to protect us, and our pets, from unsafe, tainted or unhealthy food, drugs and other consumables they’re not doing a particularly good job.

The sex toy industry does an equally piss-poor job of regulating itself.  No surprise there, I suppose.  Profit motives seem to trump all other considerations.  And since there is virtually no scientific data on sex toy safety the responsibility for keeping ourselves safe falls to us, the consumer.  It’s up to us to positively impact the market.  We can begin by taking some responsibility for what we consume.  We can go GREEN with our sex toys, so to speak.  We could patronize only the retailers that provide fair and balanced product reviews.  We could refrain from buying on impulse or being swayed by slick smutty packaging.  We could avoid excess packaging that only winds up in a landfill.

We could avoid doing business with sex toy retailers who continue to peddle products with by unsubstantiated claims.  Herbal supplements that promise to grow a guy’s dick bigger or enhance his sexual performance.  Or those patches, pills and lubricating oils that are supposed to boost a chick’s desire.  It’s not like there aren’t good products out there, it’s just that we have to do our research before we buy.  Check out some of the great Product Review Sites too — Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews, Jane’s Guide or Hey Epiphora.

a122441_xlfWe could protect ourselves by insisting our toys be manufactured by people who have access to sex information, education and contraception for themselves.  If our purchases support repressive governments who abuse their people we are complicit in the repression.  Imagine our dildos, vibrators and fetish gear being manufactured by people who will never be able to enjoy a happy, healthy integrated sex life because of gender inequity or poverty.  That sucks, huh?

We can also protect ourselves by patronizing responsible and ethical sex toy retailers.  These include my very own Dr Dick’s Stockroom, Good Vibrations, Babeland and Eden Fantasys.  These retailers have excellent customer service departments and well as educational components to outreach.  They’re also terrific resources for all your sex toy related questions.

There have been a lot of unsubstantiated claims made of late that there is a potential danger in all sex toys.  Some insist that most sex toys contain cancer-causing ingredients. While I won’t go that far, there are some things to be concerned about.  For example, many soft rubber toys are made using phthalates, which have been linked to environmental and human health issues. Phthalates (pronounced “thall-eights”) are a chemical compound used to soften hard plastics into soft rubbery and jelly-like toys. I also recommend that you avoid toys with artificial scent and dyes.  They’ve been known to trigger allergic reactions in some people.

I believe that if you buy quality you are more likely to get quality.  Consider hypoallergenic materials, such as silicone, wood, glass and aluminum.  They are more expensive, but worth it.   Then again, you could always use a condom on any insertable, or less expensive toy of questionable material.  The problem with this is, condoms are not biodegradable and they’re expensive.  By the time you factor in the cost of condoms for every toy use, you’ll actually be spending more per diddle than if you bought quality from the get-go.

Remember the more information you have, the wiser a consumer you will be.

Good luck ya’ll


Cum All Ye Faithful

Look for my new

Product Reviews!


Hey sex fans,

Holy cow!  It’s Week 2 of our Holiday Extravaganza.  Did you somehow miss Week 1 of this amazing panoply?  Shame on you!  Check out REVIEW #25 if ya did.

As you know, the Dr Dick Review Crew is throwing our product review apparatus into high gear.  We want to get as many reviews out there as possible before the end of the year.  We certainly don’t want to leave you hanging…as to what is hot and juicy in the holiday gift giving department, don’t cha know.

This week’s Review Crew include:

  • Tag — First Posted Review
  • Me, Dr Dick — Reviews #1 – 5, 7 – 10, 12, 14, 15, 19, 21, 25
  • Angie — Reviews #12, 16
  • Christa — First Posted Review

First up is Tag, who introduces us to two glass dildos from Don Wands — The Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand and the Pink Nubby Rocket.
Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand $79.99

My name is Tag and this is my first published outing with the Dr Dick Review Crew. Dr Dick and I go way back, but that’s another story all together.


The Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand is waterproof and like all glass dildos it’s hypo-allergenic, nonporous, ultra-smooth and very durable. I really appreciated the fact that the first set of batteries (2 AA’s) were included in the package. There’s nothing I hate more than bringing home a battery-operated toy only to discover that the batteries are not included. There oughta be a law against that!

Anyhow, I’m no stranger to glass insertables. In fact, I have an absolutely stunning one that DD gave me last spring. It’s hard (no pun intended) not to make a comparison between the first one and these two. But before we get to that, let’s evaluate the two Don Wands glass dildos on their own merits.

Read more of this review here

Pink Nubby Rocket $29.99pink.jpg

Tag: I almost got myself off with ‘Big Blue’, when I happened to look over and see the slightly more petite pink puppy waiting to take me for a ride. I carefully released my grip on ‘Big Blue’, clamped down to stem the tide of my building orgasm and turned my attention to the Pink Nubby Rocket.

Actually Pink Nubby Rocket isn’t so little. Approximately 7 ” in length and 1″ in diameter; this rose-colored dong features a nicely curved shaft with a whole lot of nubbies. It has a nice base to hold on to for pumping in and out and directing the head to your P-spot (or G-spot).

Read more of this review here

Next, Angie and I introduce three delicious products from the oh so creative people at Earthly Body — A Massage Body Candle — Naked in the Woods, an Edible Candle — Watermelon and an Aromatherapy Candle — Melt Away.

Aromatherapy Earthly Body Candle — Melt Away 6 oz. $15.99

One of the best things about being Dr Dick is sharing the bounteous melt-away-hi-res.jpgproducts sent to me for review with my Review Crew.  It’s like bein’ friggin’ Santa Claus all year long.  Despite my exceptionally big heart there are always some pangs of envy as I see a product I covet go off to a new home in the hot little hands of one of my posse.  Generosity is so bittersweet.

I had the damnedest time trying to choose among these Earthly Body products.  Each one is a mini treasure.  But since I am an avid practitioner of massage and bodywork I chose the Aromatherapy Earthly Body Candle — Melt Away as my keeper…

Read more of this review here

Heart-Shaped Massage Body Candle — Naked in the Woods 6 oz. $15.99

Edible Candle — Watermelon 4 oz. $15.99

Angie: I couldn’t agree more with the Dr D! I was thrilled when asked to round-massage-med-res.jpgreview these two candles — the Heart-Shaped Massage Body Candle — Naked in the Woods and the Edible Candle — Watermelon. They are scrumptious.

I have very sensitive skin, so I have to be very careful what products I use. Initially, I was concerned that fragranced products, like these, would not sit well on my skin. So I decided to visit the Earthly Body website and do some homework before my first use. I was delighted to learn that all their products are vegan and nontoxic.

My first use was right after my bath. I lit a candle, which fragranced the room while I enjoyed my bath. Naked in the Woods has a light earthy sent with just a hint of pine. the Edible Candle — Watermelon is…well all edible-watermelon-candle-hi-res.jpgwatermelon-y. Is there such a word? Depending on my mood, I had a choice between earthy and fruity. By the time if finished my bath, there was enough liquefied oil to generously moisturize my legs. This is a much finer oil than what I usually use, so much more silky.

Read more of this review here

And now for something completely different!  Our next line of products will be introduced by a newcomer to the Review Crew — Christa.

Here’s the thing.  The exceptionally irreverent and downright blasphemous folks are Divine Interventions have cum up with a line of exquisite silicone insertables.  You say; “Ok Dr Dick, we loves us some silicone dildos!”  Yeah, everyone on the Review Crew said the same thing.

But not so fast, since these remarkable insertables are fashioned in a most unorthodox manner (to say the least) no crew member had the audacity to take them on.  That is until Joy turned me on to her 20-something goth-chick pal, Christa.  She was like totally down with the whole sacrilegious concept, as you will see.

Diving Nun $59

Christa here!  I can’t believe that you’re just gonna fork over three totally nun.jpgbitchin’, top of the line, high-grade silicone toys, like for free.  And the fact that these babies skewer the whole religion thing makes ‘em even hotter.
So ok, I can see where these are not for everyone.  People are so fuckin’ uptight about shit like this.  But like I said, that only makes them more of a turn on for me.

Take the Diving Nun for instance.  This is a no nonsense dong, 7-3/4” tall with a 1-3/4” diameter.  This will fill you up.  It comes in lots of hot colors.  Mine is appropriately virgin Mary blue.  What’s so great about this particular dildo is that it has a suction base.  It’ll stick to the floor, if you’re takin it up the ass or to the wall if you wanna hands-free pussy-fuck yourself.  Now, that’s what I call versatile!  I had my way with this thing in the shower the other day and I’m still walkin’ funny today…

Read more of this review here

Baby Jesus Butt Plug $35baby.jpg

I saved the Baby Jesus Butt Plug for my sub, butt-boy BF, Alex.  He is like this total ass whore.  I was the first girlfriend he ever had that fingered his hole and played with his prostate.  Now it’s ‘fuck me, fuck me, fuck me’ all the time.  This butt plug is perfect for keeping him stuffed and horny so that he gets me off a bunch of times before he does himself.  And I can just lay back and enjoy.  If you have an ass-hungry man in your life, or you are ass-hungry yourself and you’d get off even more by shovin’ an icon where the sun don’t shine; this is the plug for you…

Read more of this review here

Jackhammer Jesus $65jack.jpg

The ultimate in blasphemy!  Ever get in the mood to go like all Linda Blair in the Exorcist?  Frankly I hadn’t ever thought about it till I discovered that my Jackhammer Jesus is a silicone crucifix with a beautiful dickhead at the foot of the cross. Then all manner of wickedness crossed (no pun intended) my mind.

This beauty rivals the Diving Nun in size, 7-1/2” tall by 1-3/4” diameter. It’s not as versatile as the Nun, because it doesn’t have a suction base.  But Jackhammer Jesus is even more twisted…

Read more of this review here

Take A Deep Breath

Name: Jake
Age: 18
Location: London
I have never had sex mostly because I have never managed to approach the person. I am bisexual and am desperate to have sex with a guy or girl. What are the best ways to approach someone for sex?

Can’t manage to approach a person for sex?  Are you just really shy, or are you a total geek?  Either way, my friend, you gotta get over yourself if you ever hope to get laid.  And here’s a tip:  perspective partners can smell desperation, like the kind you speak of, a mile away.  And they will avoid you like the plague.

Ok, so you’re just 18 without a lot of experience in the ways of the world.  teen_sexuality.jpgHere’s what I tell everyone who asks me this question, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation.  When it comes to asking for sex; the direct approach works best.  Just so long as you’re not a dick about it.  If you haven’t already discovered this, baggin a bird will probably take a bit more finesse than pokin’ on a bloke.  And coming on to a mate demands a different approach than hittin’ up a stranger for a shag.

If there’s a bit of charm about you, your task will be considerably easier than if you are a crude Neanderthal who just wants to notch his belt.  If you’re not sure what your selling points are, ask a friend for his or her feedback.  If he or she tells you nice things bout yourself, you might be in luck.  If he or she tells you that you’re a charmless creep, you’ll have your work cut out for you.

Regardless what group you fall into — the “maybe fuckable”, or the “not fucking ever”, you can always improve your image and hone your unique style.  Look to how you present yourself; make sure you are groomed, clean and odor-free.  Dress to impress.  Stay clear of fancy or fussy, but do make it look like you gave your cloths a thought before you dressed yourself.  Make yourself interesting; have a point of view, but share it sparingly.  Develop a sense of humor about yourself.  If you can’t be clever or witty, then keep your mouth shut for the most part.

boys_kissing05.jpgThe internet is a great place to test the waters.  Dating and hook-up sites abound.  Put up a profile…with a photo or two.  Here’s a tip, save the dick pics for the queer sites.  Women don’t want to see your pathetic willie, at least not right away.  And like I said above, there’s nothing more unattractive to most women, or men, than a desperate fuck.  Asking for what you want is good, pleading to be taken out of pity is not!

Few women are as casual about sex as are most men.  So if a woman tells you no, she just may be shy, or not ready, or not sure.  If a guy tell you no, it’s not the end of the world.  He’s probably not into your type.  Since there are so many fish in the sea, if you’re not immediately successful, move on.  Sometimes getting laid is a situational thing.  Being in the right place at the right time is helpful.

Chicks are gonna be concerned about the whole pregnancy thing. This is much more serious concern for a woman then for a dude. If you’re not well versed on all methods of contraception and willing to practice at least one, you’re not ready to have sex. Sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for you both.  Don’t be a fuck-up; always use a condom regardless of your partner’s gender.


If you’re dick is hard, it’s not the right time to talk about sex with a woman, but it might be the best time to hit up a dude.  Women don’t necessarily like the lean and hungry look.  Men tend to groove on it.

There are lots of different ways to have sex, so what might be appealing to one person may not be to another.  Hand jobs and/or blow jobs are often more easy to cum by than full-on fucking with both birds and blokes.

In the end, there no standard way to ask for sex, but if you treat a prospective partner, regardless of gender, with respect, honesty, and patience, you can be sure whatever words you use will be more effective than if you’re an uncouth lout.

Name: Nita
Gender: female
Age: 40
Location: South Africa
I recently had abdominal surgery to remove a cancer.  I’m recovering pretty well, and the prognosis for my future is also pretty good.  But I am noticing two problems. The surgery left a really big scar.  It’s still not fully healed yet, but I can tell it’s always going to be ugly.  And my belly is really misshapen now. I felt pretty okay about my body before hand, but this scar really makes me look really unattractive.  Also, my sex drive has completely gone away. I used to be a pretty sexual person, but now nothing excites me. Would you say this is normal?

How long ago was your surgery, I wonder?  It’s got to be pretty recent, if you say the incision is still healing.

Darlin’, may I suggest that you’ve been through quite a trauma — a cancer diagnosis, recent surgery and all.  This would throw anyone for a loop.  I’d be willing to guess you’ve not had the proper time to process all of this.  It comes as no surprise to me that your libido has gone south.  I wouldn’t expect otherwise.

If you’re still healing on the outside, you know for sure your insides have a much longer way to go.  You’re probably still feeling some discomfort, right?  That’s enough to put the kibosh on sexual interest right there.  You’re body is consumed with the job of healing itself.  It probably hasn’t any energy to spare for sex.  And why have a libido if ya can’t be sexual, right?   So you see, your body is actually protecting itself and concentrating on the task at hand.sensual_massage110.JPG

Maybe at this point in your recovery a little pampering would be better for you than a pursuit of sexual pleasure.  Long luxurious baths will help soothe the tension, as well as giving your easy access to your fine pussy.  Even folks with no discernable libido find touching themselves enjoyable. And just to keep your head in the game, even though you’re sitting on the sidelines, you could read some erotica or watch some sexy smut.

Some modest exercise like walking or swimming can perk up the libido too.  Treat yourself to an erotic massage.  Let a pro get his or her hands on you and make you glow.  This may also help bring back some of the sensitivity to areas effected by the surgery.  One things for sure, doing something is better than doing nothing but sitting there wondering what’s up.

An invasive and disfiguring surgery will always have a profound effect on one’s body image, which goes without saying.  Feeling unattractive because of a scar? No doubt about it, it’s a bummer.  But here you are writing to me about it, instead of napping six-feet under.  So I guess the scar is not the worst thing that could have happened, right?  As you probably know, I’m hearing from a number of my country’s war vets returning home with shattered bodies and lives.  My advice to them is what I offer you now.  Move through the scar’s impact…with a therapist if need be.  And find within yourself the other things that make you beautiful, attractive, alluring and desirable. Who knows, you might luck out and find a scar fetishist out there who will worship you for what you find loathsome.

mastectomy_scars.jpgEmbracing and then moving past your scaring will open you to find the myriad pleasures your body can still provide you and others.  So while your body works on healing itself, your mind can do likewise.  No need to have two scars, on one your belly and another one on your psyche.  In the end you may find that flaunting your scar, like some women do with their mastectomy scars, will liberate you from feeling unattractive.  After all, that scare and misshapen abdomen are your red badges of courage, honey.  Not only do they make you distinct, but also they testify to you being a survivor.

Name: David
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Location: New York, NY
This is a rather disgusting question. I am a gay male who prefers to be the bottom. The trouble is that even if I perform an enema right before sex, I still seem to get some excrement onto my partner’s penis during sex. It just seems that the feeling of the motion back and forth inside of me causes a sensation that makes something come out. The odor is, at times, unpleasant and I, of course, am mortified. I wonder if this is a common problem and if there is anything else I can do to PREVENT this from happening?? Could it perhaps be my diet? Do I need to drink more water?

YIKES!  You sound like a real attractive guy, David.  Just kidding!

If you are douching properly before the butt fucking there shouldn’t be much seepage if any.  Maybe you’re not taking care of business correctly.  Or maybe you need to douche twice.  Or maybe you’re being fucked too hard.  I know that a vigorous fucking will introduce more air into the bottom’s rectum expanding it and making for that “OMG, I gotta take a dump” feeling.butt_fuck5.jpg

I understand you being mortified; a smelly dirty fuck is no fun for anyone.  That being said, you have to realize your bowels are working properly, so it’s not their fault.  Just remember, there will inevitably be some unpleasant side effects when rootin’ around in someone’s hole, regardless how fastidious the bottom is about his hygiene.

I’m not sure I see the connection between diet and hydration and messy fucking, but hell, I’d try just about anything to keep from embarrassing myself when my toes are pointed to jesus!

Name: Ken
Age: 42
Location: Seattle
I recently went to get a massage with a “happy ending” As soon as the girl started to fondle me I came and I did not even have an erection yet.  I never have this problem with my wife or past girlfriends. Why did this happen? It sure cost a lot of money for about five minutes with this “lady”. Thanks

Well, let’s see…either this “masseuse” (and I use that term very loosely) was amazingly talented, or you were just real nervous about doing this naughty thing with someone other than your wife.

Hmmm, I bet it was the later.

Here’s a tip, always get the massage first…before the happy ending.  If the first thing that happens is the happy ending, then you got gypped, darlin’!

Name: Marion
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: NYC
I’m 34 and single.  After 15 years of unsuccessful dating, searching for the right guy to marry and raise a family with, I decided to go it alone.  I’m 2 months pregnant through artificial insemination.  You’ll love this; the donor is my best gay pal.  I am absolutely delighted and cherish the thought of finally being a mother.  While a lot of the guys I’ve been dating aren’t father material, they are great sex and I don’t want to continue to enjoy their company.  I gather that it’s safe to have sex during pregnancy.  But is there anything I should avoid?  Are there specific sexual positions that better suit a mommy-to-be like me?

Hey, congratulations on the bun in the oven, darlin’.  And how true about some men being great in the sack, but not desirable husband and/or father material.  I know several gay men who have helped out a long-suffering straight and lesbian friends with the whole breeding thing.  Us “mos” are so selfless in that regard.  😉

It’s difficult to find accurate and unambiguous information about sex preg_sex01jpg.jpgduring pregnancy that doesn’t have a decidedly sex-negative bias to it.  For the most part, our culture promotes the message that sex is primarily for procreation.  Why then would any responsible mother to be continue to have sex if she’s already knocked up?  You can see where a lot of the misconceptions, misinformation and scare tactics come from, huh?

So let’s see if we can shed some light on this for ya.  As a pregnancy advances, the fertilized egg grows into an embryo and then into a fetus. The fetus is encased in and protected by the amniotic cavity.  This provides the fetus nourishment and protects it from infections.  A thick layer of mucus seals the cervix further isolating the fetus in the mother’s uterus.

If you’re having a normal pregnancy, as do most women, then there is no reason to alter your sex life during your pregnancy.  Since this is your first, you’ll not know this, but a woman who has a history of premature birth may be advised by her physician to abstain from partnered sex during the last three months of pregnancy.  In the same way, a woman with a history of miscarriage will probably be advised to avoid partnered sex in the first trimester.  Only women with high-risk pregnancies might be advised to avoid sex for the full term of the pregnancy.

Nature provides all protection the fetus needs in its mother’s uterus. So you don’t need to worry about semen or vaginal fluids coming into contact with the baby.  And the mucus seal on your cervix does not allow a penis to come in direct contact with the fetus either.  Which dispels several misconceptions right there, don’t cha know.

In terms of pregnancy related sex, I suspect that your libido will probably play a more determining role in your availability for sex than you capacity to have sex.  Your libido will no doubt fluctuate during your pregnancy, which may have a lot to do with hormonal fluctuations.  Increased blood circulation in your pelvic region will heighten sensations, but you may find your body feels too heavy to fully enjoy sex.

Most men will love your bigger tits and fuller hips, but sometimes an overriding concern to avoid any exertion on the uterus or in the vagina makes partnered sex too cumbersome.

Sex during pregnancy, like sex after menopause, is free of worry about contraception, which makes sex more enjoyable for some.  While others are too busy anticipating the new addition to be much interested in sex at all.

In terms of sexual positions, you’re gonna be the best judge of that.  No preg_sex08.jpgposition is automatically ruled out, but as your pregnancy progresses you’ll find some positions, like the missionary position, will be uncomfortable. One of the best positions might be the woman on top position. Sometimes known as the Cowgirl position.  This position takes all of the pressure off of the woman’s abdomen, and also allows her to control the speed and the depth of thrusting.

And if you are a fan of anal sex; that will continue to be a terrific option throughout your pregnancy, particularly doggie style.  Some pregnant women claim that butt fucking actually helps soothe their pregnancy induced hemorrhoids.  In your final weeks mutual masturbation may be the easiest option as well as the most satisfying sexual outlet.

Good Luck ya’ll

Staying Out Of The Closet In Old Age

By Anna Gorman

Partners Edwin Fisher, 86, and Patrick Mizelle, 64, moved to Rose Villa in Portland, Oregon, from from Georgia about three years ago. Fisher and Mizelle worried residents of senior living communities in Georgia wouldn’t accept their gay lifestyle.

Partners Edwin Fisher, 86, and Patrick Mizelle, 64, moved to Rose Villa in Portland, Oregon, from from Georgia about three years ago. Fisher and Mizelle worried residents of senior living communities in Georgia wouldn’t accept their gay lifestyle.

Patrick Mizelle and Edwin Fisher, who have been together for 37 years, were planning to grow old in their home state of Georgia.

But visits to senior living communities left them worried that after decades of living openly, marching in pride parades and raising money for gay causes, they wouldn’t feel as free in their later years. Fisher said the places all seemed very “churchy,” and the couple worried about evangelical people leaving Bibles on their doorstep or not accepting their lifestyle.

“I thought, ‘Have I come this far only to have to go back in the closet and pretend we are brothers?” said Mizelle. “We have always been out and we didn’t want to be stuck in a place where we couldn’t be.”

So three years ago, they moved across the country to Rose Villa, a hillside senior living complex just outside of Portland that actively reaches out to gay, lesbian and transgender seniors.

As openly gay and lesbian people age, they will increasingly rely on caregivers and move into assisted living communities and nursing homes. And while many rely on friends and partners, more are likely to be single and without adult children, according to researchpublished by the National Institutes of Health.

Rose Villa Senior Living, located just outside of Portland, Oregon, has made a point of welcoming LGBT elders. The community, which offers independent and assisted living, also has a nursing home on site.

Rose Villa Senior Living, located just outside of Portland, Oregon, has made a point of welcoming LGBT elders. The community, which offers independent and assisted living, also has a nursing home on site.

But long-term care facilities frequently lack trained staff and policies to discourage discrimination, advocates and doctors said. That can lead to painful decisions for seniors about whether to hide their sexual orientation or face possible harassment by fellow elderly residents or caregivers with traditional views on sexuality and marriage.

“It is a very serious challenge for many LGBT older people,” said Michael Adams, chief executive officer of SAGE, or Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders. “[They] really fought to create a world where people could be out and proud. … Now our LGBT pioneers are sharing residences with those who harbor the most bias against them.”

There are an estimated 1.5 million gay, lesbian and bisexual people over 65 living in the U.S. currently, and that number is expected to double by 2030, according to the organization, which runs a national resource center on LGBT aging.

Andrea Drury, 69, and Kate Birdsall, 73, got married in 2014 and moved to Rose Villa last year. Birdsall said she wanted to grow old together in an accepting environment. “We are just one of the couples who are here,” she said. “It just so happens we are both women.”

Andrea Drury, 69, and Kate Birdsall, 73, got married in 2014 and moved to Rose Villa last year. Birdsall said she wanted to grow old together in an accepting environment. “We are just one of the couples who are here,” she said. “It just so happens we are both women.”

Nationwide, advocacy groups are pushing to improve conditions and expand options for gay and lesbian seniors. Facilities for LGBT seniors have opened in Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco and elsewhere.

SAGE staff are also training providers at nursing homes and elsewhere to provide a more supportive environment for elderly gays and lesbians. That may mean asking different questions at intake, such as whether they have a partner rather than if they are married (even though they can get married, not all older couples have).  Or it could be a matter of educating other residents and offering activities specific to the LGBT community like gay-friendly movies or lectures.

Mizelle, 64, and Fisher, 86, said they found the support they hoped for at Rose Villa, where they live in a ground-floor cottage near the community garden and spend their time socializing with other residents, both gay and straight. They both exercise in the on-site gym and pool. Fisher bakes for a farmer’s market and Mizelle is participating in art classes. Fisher, who recently had a few small strokes, said they liked Rose Villa for another reason too: It provides in-home caregivers and has a nursing facility on site.

But many aging gays and lesbians — the generation that protested for gay rights at Stonewall, in state capitols and on the steps of the Supreme Court — may not be living in such welcoming environments. Only 20 percent of LGBT seniors in long-term care facilities said they were comfortable being open about their sexual orientation, according to a recent report by Justice in Aging, a national nonprofit legal advocacy organization.

Ed Dehag, 70, at the Triangle Square Apartments in Los Angeles, California, in August 2016. The retired floral designer moved into the building when his partner passed away and he couldn’t afford the rent on his old apartment by himself.

Ed Dehag, 70, at the Triangle Square Apartments in Los Angeles, California, in August 2016. The retired floral designer moved into the building when his partner passed away and he couldn’t afford the rent on his old apartment by himself.

This summer, Lambda Legal, a gay advocacy group, filed a lawsuit against the Glen Saint Andrew Living Community, a senior residential facility in Niles, Illinois, for failing to protect a disabled lesbian woman from harassment, discrimination and violence. The resident, 68-year-old Marsha Wetzel, moved into the complex in 2014 after her partner of 30 years had died of cancer. Soon after, residents called her names and even physically assaulted her, according to the lawsuit.

“I don’t feel safe in my own home,” Wetzel said in a phone interview. “I am scared constantly. … What I am doing is about getting justice. I don’t want other LGBT seniors to go through what I’ve gone through.”

Karen Loewy, Wetzel’s attorney at Lambda Legal, said senior living facilities are “totally ill-prepared” for this population of openly gay elders. She said she hopes the case will not only stop the discrimination against Wetzel but will start a national conversation.

“LGBT seniors have the right to age with dignity and free from discrimination, and we want senior living facilities to know … that they have an obligation to protect it,” Loewy said.

A photo of Dehag’s partner sits on the dresser in his bedroom. Dehag moved into one of the apartments shortly after his partner passed away.

A photo of Dehag’s partner sits on the dresser in his bedroom. Dehag moved into one of the apartments shortly after his partner passed away.

Spencer Maus, spokesman for Glen Saint Andrew, declined to comment specifically on the lawsuit but said in an email that the community “does not tolerate discrimination of any kind or under any circumstances.”

Many elderly gay and lesbian people have difficulty finding housing at all, according to a 2010 report by several advocacy organizations in partnership with the federal American Society on Aging. Another report in 2014 by the Equal Rights Center, a national nonprofit civil rights organization, revealed that the application process was more difficult and housing more expensive for gay and lesbian seniors.

Recognizing the need for more affordable housing, the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing organization opened Triangle Square Apartments in 2007. In the building, the first of its kind, residents can get health and social services through the Los Angeles LGBT Center. The wait for apartments with the biggest subsidies is about five years.

Residents display rainbow flags outside their doors throughout the building. On a recent morning, fliers about falls, mental health, movie nights and meningitis vaccines were posted on a bulletin board near the elevator.

Lee Marquardt, 74, at the Triangle Square Apartments in Los Angeles, California, in August 2016. Marquardt moved into the apartment building two years ago. She said she didn’t want to spend her elder years hiding her true self as she had as a younger woman.

Lee Marquardt, 74, at the Triangle Square Apartments in Los Angeles, California, in August 2016. Marquardt moved into the apartment building two years ago. She said she didn’t want to spend her elder years hiding her true self as she had as a younger woman.

Ed Dehay, 80, moved into one of the apartments when they first opened. His partner had recently passed away and he couldn’t afford the rent on his old apartment by himself. “This was a godsend for me,” said Dehay, a retired floral designer who has covered every wall of his apartment with framed art.

His neighbor, 74-year-old Lee Marquardt, said she came out after raising three children, and didn’t want to spend her elder years hiding her true self as she had as a younger woman. Marquardt, a former truck driver who has high blood pressure and kidney disease, said she found a new family as soon as she moved into the apartment building two years ago.

“I was dishonest all the time before,” she said. “Now I am who I am and I don’t have to be quiet about it.”

Tanya Witt, resident services coordinator for the Los Angeles LGBT Center, said some of the Triangle Square residents are reluctant to have in-home caregivers — even in their current housing — because they worry they won’t be gay-friendly. Others say they won’t ever go into a nursing home, even if they have serious health needs.

Marquardt holds an old photograph of herself of when she was married. Marquardt, a former truck driver who has high blood pressure and kidney disease, came out after raising three children.

Marquardt holds an old photograph of herself of when she was married. Marquardt, a former truck driver who has high blood pressure and kidney disease, came out after raising three children.

In addition to facing common health problems as they age, gay and lesbian seniors also may be dealing with additional stressors, isolation or depression, said Alexia Torke, an associate professor of medicine at Indiana University.

“LGBT older adults have specific needs in their health care,” she said. And caregivers “need to be aware.”

Lesbian, gay and bisexual elders are at higher risk of mental health problems and disabilities and have higher rates of smoking and excessive alcohol consumption. They are also more likely to delay health care, according to a report by The Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law. In addition, older gay men are disproportionately affected by some chronic diseases, including hypertension, according to research out of UCLA.

Torke said LGBT seniors are not strangers to nursing homes. The difference now is that there is a growing recognition of the need to make the homes safe and welcoming for them, she said.

The Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Elder Housing organization opened Triangle Square Apartments in 2007. In the first of its kind building, residents can get health and social services through the Los Angeles LGBT Center.

The Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Elder Housing organization opened Triangle Square Apartments in 2007. In the first of its kind building, residents can get health and social services through the Los Angeles LGBT Center.

At Rose Villa, CEO Vassar Byrd said she began working nearly a decade ago to make the community more open to gays after a lesbian couple told her that another facility had suggested they would be more welcome if they posed as sisters. Today, several gay, lesbian and transgender people — individually and in couples — are living there, Byrd said. Her staff has undergone training to help them better care for that population, and Byrd said she has spoken to other senior care providers around the nation about the issue.

Bill Cunitz and Lee Nolet, who began dating in 1976, didn’t come out as a couple until they moved to Rose Villa last year. Cunitz is an ordained minister and former head of a senior living community in Southern California. He said he didn’t want to be known as the “gay CEO.”

Nolet, a retired nurse and county health official, said it’s been “absolutely amazing” to find a place where they can be open— and where they know they will have accepting people who can take care of them if they get sick.

“After 40 years of being in the shadows … we introduce each other as partner,” Nolet said. “Everyone here knows we’re together.”

 Complete Article HERE!

Screw Science: The Futuristic Sex Tech Aiming to Penetrate Your Bedroom

From fully customizable vibrators to bioelectronic headsets, smart sex toys are on the way up. But does personal pleasure necessarily make for better health?


Pleasure is personal, mostly because it has to be, and not least because female scientists continue to face grinding discrimination regardless of their area of research. And when it comes to sexual health, breakthroughs are few and far between: in spite of increasing documentation of associated health risks, birth control hasn’t really been reformulated since the 60s, and last year’s much-anticipated release of Addyi, a pill meant to fix female sexual dysfunction, only worked for ten percent of the women who tried it.

It’s clear that sexual emancipation has not yet been freed from the bedroom. In spite of its roots in scientific misogyny—the vibrator was developed in the 19th century to cure women of hysteria, after all—a swathe of new devices have people looking hopefully to sex tech (or sextech, as it is also known) as the answer to systemic gaps in sexual health. History, it seems, is coming full circle; where the 1960s saw the vibrator de-medicalized and uncoupled from science, today’s consumer market is beginning to see pleasure and health unified in the pursuit of wellness. Yet what we call “sex tech” is tied more to the lucrative sex toy industry—worth $15 billion this year—than it is to scientific institutions, with much of its promise linked to idea that personal pleasure makes for better health.

These days, more people than ever understand that a woman’s ability to understand what turns her on and why is a crucial step in developing a healthy perspective on her sexual life. So it makes sense that we’re seeking out masturbatory experiences that are more tailored than your average stand-in phallus. It’s the driving force behind the popularity of devices like Crescendo, the first-ever fully customizable vibrator, which raised £1.6 million in funding to date and shipped out over 1,000 pre-orders after a successful crowdfunding round.

Designed to cater to the inherent complexities of female arousal, the vibrator can be finely customized, equipped with six motors and the ability to be bent into any favorable shape. An accompanying app allows users to control each motor individually; it remembers favorite behaviors, provides pre-set vibration patterns, and responds to mood-setting music.

“We were inspired by the concept of tech designed for the human, rather than the human having to adapt their behaviour to tech,” says Stephanie Alys, the co-founder of Crescendo creators Mysteryvibe. “Human beings aren’t just unique in terms of our size and how we’re put together genetically, but also in terms of what we like. What turns us on can be different from what turns another person on.”


Mysteryvibe’s flagship product is the Crescendo, a customizable sex toy.

But in spite of the life-improving promises of consumer sex tech, the reality is that official, peer-reviewed studies remain crucial to reforming policy and education. Founded by Dr. Nicole Prause, Liberos Center is one of the few sex-centric research institutions in the United States. Much of its work investigates the relationship between psychology, physiology, and sex, with an emphasis on the hard data that is often lacking in sex tech.

Liberos presses on in a particularly antagonistic climate; the American government is famously skittish about sexual content. Sexual material is banned from government-funded computers, says Prause, making it difficult for researchers to, say, screen porn to test subjects as part of a study on arousal. She adds that congressional bodies actively seek to pull funding from research that addresses the topic head-on—four recent studies that had already been awarded funding were re-opened for assessment because of their sexual content.

“People report having certain types of experiences all the time,” says Prause. “But they’re often poor observers of their own behaviour, and don’t see anyone’s behaviour but their own. They don’t really have that external perspective, which is why I think it’s important to take both a psychological and laboratory approach. For example, in science, people haven’t been verifying that orgasm actually occurs. So we’ve been developing an objective way of measuring that, and of measuring the effects of clitoral stimulation—on how to best capture the contractions that occur through the orgasm.”


Liberos is also investigating the effect of transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and direct current stimulation (tDCS) on sexual responsiveness. Both are non-invasive treatments, meaning anyone seeking a cure for low libido may not require anything more than the use of a headset. TMS holds potential for long-term changes to a person’s sex drive; the technique, which uses a magnetic field generator to produce small electrical currents in the brain, has already been used to treat neuropathic pain and otherwise stubborn cases of major depressive disorder. DCS, on the other hand, uses a headset to deliver a low-intensity electrical charge, stimulating the brain areas where activity spikes at the sight, or touch, of a turn-on.

If using the brain’s electrical signals to control the rest of the body sounds like a dystopian fantasy, the reality is that these medical treatments aren’t far off. Bioelectronic firms are now backed by the likes of Glaxosmithkline and Alphabet, Google’s parent company, and similar applications have already been established for hypertension and sleep apnea, while chronic conditions like asthma, diabetes, and arthritis are targeted for future development.

According to Dr. Karen E. Adams, clinical professor of OBGYN at Oregon Health and Science University, anywhere from 40 to 50 percent of women experience varying degrees of sexual dysfunction. Medication that targets neurotransmitters, like the SSRIs used to treat depression and anxiety, can fluctuate in efficacy depending on the unique makeup of the person using it.

Combined with the trickiness of locking down the nebulousness of desire (and lack thereof), it’s no wonder that Addyi, a failed antidepressant pursued because of its unexpected effect on serotonin levels in female mice, was a flop. Non-sex-specific studies have shown that electrical stimulation can be more adaptive to the brain’s constantly-shifting landscape than medication that interacts with its chemistry. For the 90 percent of women who found Addyi to be a sore disappointment, bioelectronic treatments could soon offer an alternative solution to low sexual responsivity.

“By giving women information about their bodies that they can decide what to do with, we’re enabling more female empowerment,” says Prause. “And by allowing women to decide which aspects of sex they want to be more responsive to, we’re giving people more control, and not with charlatan claims. We actually have good scientific reasons that we think are going to work, that are going to make a difference.”

Yet the field’s burgeoning successes are only as good as the social environment they take hold in. Sociopolitical hurdles notwithstanding, money remains a significant roadblock for developers, as the controversial nature of sex research has many investors shying away from backing new projects in spite of consumer interest. Whether they’re seeking government funding or VC investments, sex start-ups and labs alike are often forced to turn to crowdfunding to raise money for development.

“It’s pretty unsurprising that heavily female-oriented tech products do so well on crowdfunding sites; these are solutions to problems faced by half of the population, that are overlooked by a male-dominated industry where male entrepreneurs are 86 percent more likely to be VC funded than women,” says Katy Young, behavioral analyst at research firm Canvas8. “But the audience is clearly there—Livia, a device which targets nerves in order to stop period pains, raised over $1 million on Indiegogo.”

Outdated sex ed programs, which emphasize procreation and normalize straight male sexuality without addressing female sexual development, are ground zero for unhealthy social perspectives on sex. Acknowledging that change can’t just come from devices alone, New York’s Unbound, a luxury sex toy subscription service, is teaming up with “campus sexpert” app Tabù to bring both sex education and affordable masturbation tools to colleges across the country.

“There’s a national discussion right now surrounding consent, which is 100 percent needed and super important,” says Polly Rodriguez, CEO and co-founder of Unbound. “But for women to be able to engage in sex and address consent as equals, they need to learn about female pleasure—they should understand their own bodies so that when they are engaging in sexual activities with someone else, they know what feels good to them, they know how to communicate that, and they don’t feel uncomfortable about it.”

It’s tempting to buy into the idea of tech as freeing: that the increased presence of smart devices in our lives will help us form healthier habits and a better understanding of our ourselves, or that the availability of medically-approved tech will be a panacea in the intricately fraught landscape of female sexual dysfunction—which is as socially determined as it is biological, and as cultural as it is psychological.

But sex tech is still far from being paradigm-shifting. Its success will be dependent not only on consumer dollars but on government policies and public attitudes; at a level of engagement this intimate, tech is only any good if people feel free to use it.

Complete Article HERE!