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The Naughty & The Nice

Just in time for the holidays, here’s my Naughty and Nice list.

NICE

NAUGHTY

NICELY NAUGHTY

Happy Holidays!

A potpourri of poignant problems

Name: Catherine Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 42
Location: Canada, Alberta
I am in a very loving, understanding, compassionate relationship, which I have been waiting for for some time now. The only thing is he stimulates my emotional side in every way, but in the bedroom he is not as sexual as previous partners I have encountered. I do not know if this is because all my previous relationships have always been about the “sex” and fizzled out, shortly there after, or this is how a “real love thing truly is?” If so, how can I mentally get over this one…he’s just not inventive, or has a lack of sexual knowledge. I don’t want to end this loving relationship over the bed issue. Please help me out on this one, so I do not sabotage this relationship. Sincerely, Catherine

Like my momma always used to say, if it has four wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have trouble with it. Listen darlin’, if this guy satisfies as much as you say, hold on to him. He’s a keeper.

You can always teach the old dog some new tricks. Of course, you’re gonna have to take the lead in his sex ed. Let’s just hope he’s not threatened by a woman who is more sexually experienced, adventurous and progressive than he is.

That being said, I think you ought to make your peace with the fact that he’ll probably never become a wild fuck. But then again, you probably don’t want that, because those wild fucks don’t make for loving, understanding and compassionate partners…as you already know.

Just remember: It’s as hard to domesticate a wild fuck, as it is to make a domestic fuck — wild!

Good luck

Name: Jamie
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Location: Georgia
Lately when me and my boyfriend have sex, he’s been pulling out because he says his dick burns. WHY IS HE HAVING THAT PROBLEM?

What you got goin’ on in your pussy, girl? Nothing about a healthy cunt is gonna irritate a guy’s dong. SEE YOUR DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY!

Hey wait a minute! Maybe he’s the one with the problem. Maybe he has some kind of a skin irritation or rash or something. And his willie is gettin irritated inside you. HE OUGHTA SEE HIS DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY!

Say, have you seen his dick up close and in good light lately…ever? I am painfully aware that lots of couples never see one another fully naked even when their doin’ the nasty. This is not a good practice. You should not only know all about your own pussy and how to keep it in perfect working order, but you should have some working knowledge of how a healthy cock looks and operates. If you’re not clear on this you have some homework to do.

And what the fuck are you two doin screwin’ around without using a condom? Are you on the pill? You’d better be. Cuz if you ain’t ya’ll are gonna have a whole lot more to worry about than cock burns, if ya catch my drift.

Good luck

Name: Chris P.
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Location: Montgomery AL
Can it be unhealthy to deliberately avoid male ejaculation for long periods of time? Months, Years? Is it practiced maybe by religious? Can it be done?

Yes, it can be done. And no, it’s not necessarily an unhealthy practice! Some people practice total sexual abstinence for their entire adult life. Some of these people do so for religious reasons, others simply because they aren’t particularly interested in sex. Either way, there’s no real evidence that this practice is injurious to one’s health. What I can say for sure is that if one chooses or embraces sexual abstinence as a means to a higher goal, it is virtuous. If abstinence is mandated or practiced out of fear or repression, there is no virtue.

That being said, I do want to remind you of something I’ve written about a lot recently. It concerns the groundbreaking research on the connection between masturbation and prostate cancer. Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 men who had not, about their sexual habits. They found those who ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were least likely to develop prostate cancer.

The protective effect of frequent ejaculations was greatest when the men were in their 20’s. Get this; men who ejaculated more than five times a week were one third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life. Kind of amazing, huh?

I think you should also know that even if you don’t purposely ejaculate, like through jerkin off or partnered sex, your body still needs to rid itself of old stale semen in another way. Think of it like this, when your bladder gets full you take a wiz. When your prostate and seminal vesicles get full you take a jizz. It’s as simple and natural as all that. If you don’t relieve yourself of your joy juice on your own, your body will rid itself of your old spooge in a wet dream, or it will flush it out of your system in your urine. It’s like if you didn’t relieve yourself when your bladder got full, you’d piss anyhow, only it wouldn’t be able to properly direct it. Get it? Got it? Good!

Good luck

Parts is Parts!

Name: Charles
Gender: male
Age: 47
Location: Northridge CA
I’ve heard a lot about checking your balls for possible problems — but none ever say what lumps you have naturally. At the low point of my testacles I feel a lump (I would explain it as an area that would feel more or less like a cracked egg, you have that part that is globules and is string-tethered to the yoke. Is that exactly what’s happening? Should you feel any pain if you squeeze it — especially trying to figure out if it is a lump or not?

My friend, I’m clever as all-get out about lots of things, but the lump on your balls ain’t one of those things. I’m not a medical doctor; I don’t even play one here on the internets. And I can assure you, no reputable doctor anywhere would hazard a guess about what you present without first seeing you in person. That’s just good medicine.

That being said, I applaud you taking note of your balls in an inquisitive sort of way. Good for you! But you should also have at least a rudimentary understanding of your testicular anatomy. So that when you do your self-exam, you can have some sense about what it is you are examining. To this purpose, I offer the diagram to the right. Is there anything in the diagram that looks even remotely like what you are feeling in your ballsack?

Finally, if you have a concern about what you think may be an abnormality, isn’t it high time for you to high tail it to a doctor for a look-see?

Good luck

Name: Tom
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: New York
Okay so I’m not sexually active yet so I’m not in a rush to solve this but I just had a question for you. Is it possible to have too much foreskin? I mean even when fully erect the skin still overhangs by like 1 quarter inch or so (never measured so not exact). So a few times I’ve tried to do it by hand and yet still it doesn’t fully go back and gets to a point that it starts to hurt and I can’t continue. So do I probably have to get cut some day or something? Also what if I decided not to get cut would this cause problems, just asking because if I didn’t have to go in and get cut I’d prefer that but you gotta do what you gotta do. Well thanks for the help.

Too much foreskin? Never heard of such a thing!

That being said, it does sound like you have been blessed with an abundance of lace curtains. What’s also obvious is that you’ve yet to learn how to manage a foreskin…particularly a wild and unruly foreskin, like yours.

Phimosis, or tight foreskin, can be a real pain. But stretching, not circumcision, is the cure for all but the most severe cases. I’d be willing to guess that you’ve never been taught to stretch your foreskin to make it more elastic, right? Alrighty then, let’s start with a few stretching exercises.

Exercise 1 — While you’re dick is soft; retract your foreskin as far back as you can. Work two fingers in under your hood till you can touch the head of your dick. Now attempt to roll your hood forward and over your fingers. It’s like docking another dick, only you’re using your fingers. This exercise depends on you having your fingers inside your foreskin for it to be effective. In time you’ll be able to add three fingers, instead of just two. This will stretch your skin to the point you’ll be able to easily retract it over your erect dick head.

Exercise 2 — Grab each side of the foreskin opening and gently pull each side apart. Stretch the opening till it’s stretched with a tension you can tolerate, but not actually painful. Hold for a count of 10 and release. Repeat for 5 sets of 10 pulls per day, more if you can handle it. Here’s a tip, these stretches are best done after soaking in a warm bath or a long hot shower.

Exercise 3 — This is a variation on exercise 1. Insert a smooth cylindrical object into your foreskin opening, like the cork from a wine bottle. This object needs to be just large enough to stretch the skin without pain. Once inserted, leave it there for as long as you can during the day, or for over night. As your foreskin stretches you want to swap one object for another with a larger diameter. If a wine cork is too big to start with, consider a smaller smooth wooden or plastic dowel. You can find these sorts of things at the Home-O Depot. You might need to use a bit of surgical tape to keep these stretchers in place.

These exercises may sound a bit invasive or uncomfortable, and perhaps they will be at first. But they’re nothing compared to getting cut as an adult. In a short period of time you will achieve the success you are looking for. Remember, properly caring for your foreskin will insure that you’ll be able to keep this amazing piece of your anatomy. So that when it’s time for you to become sexually active it will work flawlessly and exponentially increase your pleasure.

Good luck

The Well-Pierced Cock

Nowadays, body piercings are all the rage. And, as we all know, some folks can’t stop with just a few—which can lead to some humorous predicaments when being wanded by airport security. While I firmly believe in the right of every man to augment, embellish, or in any other way customize his equipment, it’s a personal decision. If it makes you happy, go for it. If it ain’t for you, just say NO.

Should I Get Pierced?
Here we have Chad; he’s 25 and lives in Alaska.

    My new girlfriend is five years older than me and she is a total freak. She has purple hair, five tattoos and seven piercings, including her labia. She wants me to get my dick pierced. I said I’d think about it, but she says I’m a pussy for putting it off. I know a lot of guys have piercings, but is it safe?

Sounds to me like your freaky-deaky girlfriend is badgering you to get pierced. That’s not good. If I were you, I’d tell her to back off ’til you can make up your own mind. It’s a good thing you’re being so thoughtful about this, because even though a piercing isn’t as permanent as a tattoo, there still are risks involved…more so than getting inked.

Piercings and Safety
As body piercings become more popular, many people try to outdo each other with the unusual. However, the most common piercings have their roots in the traditions of tribal peoples throughout the world. This is particularly true for genital piercings. Many cultures practice erotic piercing to enhance both visual appearance and physical arousal.

The first thing you should know is that body piercing is an art form. It is best practiced by well-trained, highly qualified, seasoned professionals. If you entrust your body to an amateur, you’re probably asking for trouble—so do your homework. As piercing establishments proliferate, some will be better than others. In most jurisdictions, piercers and their salons are required to be registered and licensed. You might want to check your local health department for information and recommendations.

Before you decide to proceed, visit the piercer in his/her shop. Ask questions. Ask them how they sterilize their instruments and jewelry. Autoclaving is the only safe method. Nowadays, all needles should be single-use instruments. They should be opened just prior to the piercing, and then disposed of immediately thereafter. If the shop offers other services, like tattooing, make sure the piercing is done in a separate room (for privacy as well as hygiene).

Most people are initially concerned with the pain involved in getting pierced. Depending on what you’re getting pierced, the level of pain can range from moderate to…well, a lot. And that’s just the beginning. Once the jewelry is in place, there will be at least two to three days when the piercing area is very sensitive to the touch. Because some areas of the body have more blood vessels than others—like your dick, for example—expect some blood loss and a lot of swelling post-piercing. Trust me; getting a boner afterward will be your worst nightmare.

That being said, you’ll be amazed at how resilient the body is. It has a phenomenal ability to heal itself. Of course, the practitioner should provide you with detailed aftercare instructions. These will outline all the procedures and aftercare products you’ll need to attend to yourself while you heal. A word of caution, if your general health is compromised in any way: if you are sick, run-down, overworked, or immune-compromised, your body’s ability to heal will be diminished and the risk of infection will be increased.

As you heal, any pressure on a piercing has the potential to aggravate and inflame the site. You’d best refrain from contact sports, manual labor, or anything else that’ll irritate your new piercing. Most piercings take a minimum of six weeks to heal. Wearing tight clothes, touching the piercing with dirty hands, contact with bodily fluids, rough treatment, and using inappropriate cleaning agents will further diminish your body’s ability to heal and increase the risk of infection. And don’t skimp on the quality of jewelry you choose, either. Cheap-grade jewelry can fuck up the piercing big-time. Look for medical-grade stainless steel, titanium or 18k gold.

Baubles, Bangles and Beads
Given all the pain and risks, you might ask, why do people bother getting pierced at all? Well, that’s pretty easy to answer. Piercing enhances sex by providing a greater degree of stimulation to one’s self and one’s partner.

(Click on the thumbnails below to see a slideshow of popular male genital piercings.)

[nggallery id=104]

The most popular cock piercing is the Dressing Ring, otherwise known as a PA or Prince Albert. This piercing is named after Prince Albert, the husband of Queen Victoria of England. In his day, men’s pants were so tight; a guy’s johnson needed to be held to one side or the other so as not to create an unsightly bulge. To accomplish this some men had their dick pierced so it could be held close to their leg by a hook on the inside of the trousers. The ring enters your urethra and exits immediately behind your dickhead on the underside of your cock. A variation on this piercing is called the Reverse Prince Albert, which enters your urethra and exits on the top of your dickhead.

The PA is the fastest healing genital piercing and is considered the most sexually appealing of cock adornments. This piercing requires less cleaning than most since urine aids in the healing process. However some men, particularly those who sport heavy gauge jewelry, find they have to sit down to pee or they dribble all over themselves. You’ll need to allow at least one week of sexual abstinence post piercing and two to four months for it to heal completely. In the interim, always use a condom.

Other popular male piercings include:
1. The Frenum, which pierces through your frenulum, the waddle of skin on the underside of your shaft just behind your dickhead. This is the second most popular piercing after the Prince Albert. It heals quickly and there’s a minimum of pain and complications. It will also add a great deal of sexual stimulation. There are a couple of variations to this piercing: The Lorum, a piercing at the base of your shaft near your balls; and the Ladder, which is row of several frenum piercings from the base of your shaft to your frenulum.

2. Foreskin piercings, for the uncut guy. It comes down to us from when it was used as a chastity device for slaves. But today it’s all about adornment and sexual enhancement. Your foreskin can be pierced with either single or multiple piercings.

3. The Dydoe piercing is for the cut man. It pierces the ridge of your dickhead. Of course, this is only possible if you have a large enough edge to accommodate the needle and jewelry.

4. The Ampallang is among the least popular piercings, because it is a horizontal piercing right through your dickhead. And its sister piercing, the Apadravya pierces your dickhead, only vertically. You can choose it to be done above, under, or through the urethra. And get this—it’s best done when you have a boner. Ouch, bloody OUCH!

And just to keep you in the know, you can also have your scrotum (Hafada) and/or perineum (Guiche) pierced, too.

And on that note, I sincerely bid you good luck!

A High-Summer Q&A Show — Podcast #293 — 07/25/11

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

Holy cow, where has the time gone? Here it is the end of July and we haven’t had a Q&A show since early last month. And because of that my email in-box is overflowing! Besides a big hot load of questions from the sexually worrisome out there I have a special treat for you today. I am pleased to announce that my most excellent summer intern, Monique, will be joining me for today’s show.

That’s right, sex fans, someone high up at the University of Washington made the ill-advised decision to let me mentor an impressionable young lass for the summer. I mean, what in the world were they thinking, right? Well, as it turns out, my most excellent summer intern, Monique, is pretty gal-darn amazing, as you will soon hear for yourself.

  • Jessie can’t get off by herself or with her BF.
  • Ruben has a big hard dick, but only when he’s by himself.

Monique and I discuss:

  • Joe who jerks off to porn a lot.
  • Claire who claims she is a 31-year-old lesbian virgin.
  • Nipple Dude who’s into DYS nipple torture.

Finally

  • Sammy and her GF have a messed up relationship.
  • Owen wants to restore his foreskin.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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