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Name: r68tool
Gender: Male
Age: 52
Location: Montana
Doc, I have been an insulin-dependent diabetic for 25 years. I’m also a post-operative kidney transplant recipient. I have not been able to achieve nor maintain any kind of erection for the past 19 years. I have visited several urologists, but they have been useless. I am able to manipulate my cock to have a semi-hard erection by tying a leather string around my scrotum and cock. I can sometimes get very erect. But when I orgasm, I NEVER ejaculate sperm. I’m convinced that there must be blockage to prevent an erection and semen flow. Any suggestions? Do I need surgery?

Do you ABSOLUTELY need to ejaculate when you orgasm? Lots of guys with medical issues, like yours, don’t. There are also many men who practice ejaculation control as part of Tantric sex.cock,schlong, dong

I don’t believe you have a blockage of any sort. The glands that produce the bulk of your ejaculate may have atrophied due to the diabetes. This is not uncommon. If this is the case, no surgery is gonna fix that.

That being said; I have a tip for you. If you are self-conscious about not having an ejaculate when you cum, check out Spunk Lube. It’s the lube that looks and feels just like jizz.

Good luck

Name: Emily
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Location: Ohio
I have been having sex with this guy I met for a week now and he’s only cum once. We have foreplay and then we have sex… We try all positions but then his dick goes limp. Is it because of me? He says he likes to have sex with me but I’m confused, why isn’t he cumming? We usually have sex for hours at a time… I squirt and keep my pussy moist so what’s the problem here?

Performance anxiety causing delayed ejaculation. That would be my guess.

Use the search function at the top of the sidebar to your right, type in performance anxiety and you’ll be presented with a load of information about this issue and how to handle it.

Here’s a little taste of what you will find:

Most of us experts believe that the majority of delayed ejaculation concerns are not physical in nature, but rather they are the product of psychological problems. Perhaps your friend would benefit from a professional evaluation.

cordially invitedGenerally, the object of a sexological intervention is to diffuse the guy’s sexual anxieties so that he can comfortably cum with his partner without difficulty.

When I see this issue in my therapy practice, I offer my clients a series of homework assignments that are designed to reduce performance pressure and focus on pleasure. These are relaxation exercises and sensate focus exercises.

I call a moratorium on fucking for a limited period of time, so the couple can learn other means of sexually pleasuring one another. I try to get my clients to stay in the moment; absorb the pleasure that is present without worrying about what is “supposed to” happen. I encourage my clients to create a relaxed, sexy atmosphere, free of pressure to perform in one-way or another. Finally, we address as frankly and openly as possible any and all fears or anxieties they may have as individuals or as a couple. The most common are a fear of intimacy, of being gay, of being in a relationship or of disease.

Some guys report success with hypnosis. But I don’t practice that myself, so I have no first hand knowledge of its efficacy.

However, I do encourage you guys to get to the bottom of this, so to speak, ASAP. To leave this unaddressed will only cause greater difficulties later on. Just remember, you cannot will a sexual response, just like you cannot will yourself to go to sleep or enjoy something you don’t. And the harder you try to have a certain response, the more inhibited you become.

Good luck

Hi,
I am a male and I am interested in having another man give me oral sex. My question is can I get any STDs by allowing another man to perform oral sex on me? Can you direct me to some information regarding this topic? Thanks!

Ya know, that Google thing really works, my friend! Search for “STD (or STI) and oral sex” and presto! You’ll get a shit-load of info.need a good fuck

Here’s what you will learn: Oral sex is considered a lower risk activity for STDs (or as we prefer to call them, STIs Sexually Transmitted Infections) than are anal and vaginal sex. Even so, it is still possible to get an STD/STI whether you are giving or getting oral sex. Blowjobs can put you at risk for infections like herpes and gonorrhea. If you don’t know where your partner’s mouth has been, and you want to extra protection, use a condom.

Good luck

Hi. I was hoping that maybe you could help me out with this problem.
I really only have minimal experience giving oral sex to a man.
I read your bit about the gag reflex and thank you. I will work on that. I want to talk about teeth. My mouth is not that big, and it is hard for me to keep from scraping my man’s cock with them. My partner wants to fuck my throat. We try, but that seems to always cause problems. I was wondering if you knew of any devices out there that are designed to cover the teeth while only reducing the oral cavity size minimally.

Ya know your jaw is a remarkable thing. With just a little exercise, it can be stretched so that your mouth will open wider. Many people never see the need to stretch their jaw and so the gape of their mouth never increases.

The wider your mouth opens the less your teeth will get in the way of whatever you are inserting in your mouth. It just stands to reason.

Start by doing some simple stretching exercises. Open your mouth as wide as you can and hold it for a count of 5. Do a set of 10 stretches like this at least 3 times a day. You will find that in no time your gape will be larger. You can employ the use of a cock shaped vegetable like a cucumber to aid you in your stretching. Just so you know, this is how the experts (porn stars) ready themselves for the really big ones.

You can get teeth guards as well. But I don’t think the problem lies with your teeth.

Practice these exercises and let me know how you make out, so to speak.

Good luck

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Don’t try this at home…

Hi,
In May of 2013 I was instructed by someone not to cum for a year. He also instructed me to play with myself, but any sight of pre-cum I must add six months of no cumming. This could go on for years. Of course I have six months added. I have also been instructed online to put my cock and balls in ice water for a year. I am to hold my cock and balls in ice water for 1 minute; pull out for 1 minute, then repeat this 3 times. If I spill water I add another minute. I also must set my laptop on my cock and balls with no cover, which I am doing now. This is to loosen my cock and balls so I can pull my cock and balls behind my legs during the night to stretch my scrotum and they want my balls to hurt me daily. I write this for you to understand I do as instructed even if it is by chat. My question is, will this hurt me in the long term? I must do it because I do not want to seem as a fake submissive. I guess what I really want to know is what could this do to me in the long run? I have many more things I must do; such as ruler spanking, tie up with weights etc. My instructors plan this on a yearly plus extended plan.
Thank you,
mike

submissive02You’ve been at this extreme cock and ball torture and ejaculation control for nearly a year and you are just now getting around to asking about the possible adverse consequences? Well that don’t make no sense at all, my friend.

And I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you are gonna continue this behavior regardless of what I may tell you. These “instructors” of yours, you only know them from online, right? Listen, I’m all for someone enjoying the life of a submissive. Knock yourself out with that already! What I don’t get is how you can submit to someone you don’t really know. How can you be sure these “instructors” have your best interest at heart and not just making you do stupid and dangerous stuff for their own gratification? Maybe they know they have a gullible twit on their hands who will do anything they tell him to do; and so they make this twit (you) do stuff that endangers his wellbeing. And here’s a tip, pal: doin’ stupid stuff just because some jerk online tells you to do it doesn’t make you a fake submissive. You clearly know nothing about Dominance and submission.submissive01

Here’s the thing, real submissives don’t’ gamble with their health and wellbeing. They also don’t entrust themselves to a Dom that will abuse the power exchange relationship.

The ejaculation control seems excessive to me, but it’s your body. Apparently this gets you off in some fashion or another, just not in the tradition “shoot your wad” sorta way.

male submissiveExtreme ejaculation control, especially over a long period of time will surely impact your sexual response cycle. This excessive edging may make cuming with a partner in the future difficult if not impossible. But maybe that doesn’t concern you. But if future sexual satisfaction with a partner is important to you then I’d suggest you cut back on ejaculation control ASAP.

The same is true for the CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) you’re doin’. Excessive stretching over many hours, like overnight, is not advised. Extreme stretching, like what you describe, can injure your nuts and damage the delicate tissues in your dick. If you want your family jewels to last, I’d suggest you cut back on the stuff you’re doing.

I also suggest that you find someone to dominate you who has your best interest in mind. Remember, BDSM and power play is not abuse.

Good luck

SEX WISDOM With Lara Eardley — Podcast #391 — 09/25/13


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.facebook dec 2012

I know, let’s take an audio field trip to the land down under to visit with one of the most exciting women I’ve ever met. She is a pioneer in her field. She is an author, an activist, and advocate for pelvic floor strength. In a minute the incomparable, Lara Eardley will join us. But. before she does, I want you to prepare yourself to be bowled over. Laura is a powerhouse of passion and I’m pretty sure we will be treated to the full force of her signature SEX WISDOM. Buckle your seat belts, sex fans!

Lara and I discuss:

  • Being passionate about pelvic floor muscles;
  • Good, responsive and supple muscles prevent incontinence;
  • Education, education, education;
  • Sexual fitness;
  • Her study of Buddhist tantra, sexual medicine, and energetic work;
  • 6000 years of cultural knowledge;
  • Awareness and evolution;
  • Bliss;
  • Ejaculation control and life-force energy conservation;
  • Self-cultivation.

Lara invites you to visit her on her site HERE! Don’t miss her YouTube channel HERE! And she also on Facebook HERE! And Twitter HERE!

 

Click on the cover art below for more information about Lara’s books and her DVD.

pelvic floor DVD     Enchantress Book Cover     enchantress

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

The Real Reason Men Lose Their Erection When Using A Condom

by Raffaello Manacorda

Men Lose Their Erection When Using A Condom

That Awkward Moment When…

If you’re a man, you’ve probably experienced this. Everything is perfect, the foreplay is going great, and the stage is set for a throbbing, mind-blowing, heart-shattering lovemaking. Your erection is strong and powerful, and feeling it turns you on even more.

And then, that moment comes. Your lover looks at you sweetly but squarely in the eyes, and with a soft but firm voice says, “We need to use a condom.”

This makes perfect sense. The risk of STIs and/or pregnancy is real. So you’ve got to wear that condom.

But our genitals don’t understand logic. And, sometimes, it only takes a few seconds of this pause for your penis to soften. Her being sweet and comprehensive only makes things worse: something inside you tells you that you won’t be able to do it if you wear a condom.

I’ve gone through the same process. I used to consistently lose my erection whenever a woman asked me to wear a condom. It wasn’t pretty. I hate to admit it, but a couple of times I even lied to a partner, telling her that there were no condoms in the house, while I actually had plenty. I just was too scared of sexual failure. Boy, am I grateful that no one got an STI or got pregnant because of that dirty little lie of mine.

So why on Earth does this happen? Why do we men lose our erection because of condoms?

The Real Reason Condoms Turn Men Off…

You might try to fool yourself and others with explanations such as:

  • That you don’t feel enough pleasure with a condom.
  • That a condom squeezes your penis too much.
  • That the pause “takes the romance away”…

But deep in your heart, you know that those are not the real reasons.

As for sensitivity and comfort, you know well that your penis is not all that sensitive. In fact, the harder it is, the less sensitive it is. And as for the non-romanticism of the 2-minutes pause, you have fantasized or have been in way less romantic situations, where your erection stood strong and implacable.

So WHAT is the real reason why you lose your erection? And what can you do about it?

To answer this question, the first thing you need to understand is that your main sexual organ sits in between your ears or, if you prefer, inside your chest. It is your head and your heart that turn you on (or off).

So, the reason why we men lose our erection when a woman asks us to wear a condom is that some deeply uncomfortable thought and/or emotion arises in us in response to that request. And what might that thought or feeling be?

Although every man is different, that uncomfortable thought is virtually always a variation on the same theme: she asking you to wear a condom carries the message that she does not accept you inside her body. And this can be truly devastating for a man.

Some Truths About Male Sexuality

Men love to feel invited, welcomed, by a trusting lover that opens up to their force and thrust. When the body of a woman is welcoming, wet, inviting, this is a huge turn-on for a man. When the body and soul of a woman tense, close up, tighten – this is a turn-off.

Men deeply crave to feel accepted, welcomed, and trusted.

The request to wear a condom challenges that. It can seem to convey the following messages:

  • If you don’t wear it, I won’t let you inside me (you’re unwelcome)
  • I don’t trust you to be healthy, or to control your ejaculation (you’re not trusted)

This is the subterranean thought that runs into most men’s mind, and makes them lose their erection.

Understanding it is the first step towards liberating your sexuality from this blockage.

As a man, you need to realize that, even if you wear a condom, you are welcome and accepted. That she wants you just as badly. In fact, she wants you so badly that she wants to be fully trusting and surrendered. And in order for that to happen, she needs to feel safe. This conviction will take some time to build, but once it’s there, it will never leave you. Condoms won’t be an issue anymore.

In order to get there, the best thing to do is start practicing, both by yourself and with a partner.

Practicing By Yourself

Get familiar and friendly with condoms. Buy a pack of condoms and start experimenting. Wear a condom and play with yourself.

Now, I know that the condom instructions say that you should wear it only when you are fully erect. The reason they say this is that if your penis is not fully erect, then a condom can potentially slip away, which is not cool. But for now, you can forget about this. You are alone, and you can wear a condom even if your penis is completely flaccid. In fact, you should practice this skill. Wear a condom on your soft penis, and then stimulate your penis so that it becomes hard.

Familiarize yourself with the condom, and lose your aversion to it. This will be really useful once you practice with a partner.

Practicing With a Partner

This is potentially going to be scary, so you’ll need to set a firm intention: you won’t back off. You will wear a condom no matter what, whether you end up having intercourse or not.

Next time you have the opportunity, do not wait for your partner to propose using a condom. Once you have enjoyed your foreplay long enough, go ahead and say the magic phrase: “I’ll put on a condom now, just in case.”

That means that, whether you are going to penetrate your partner or not, you can wear a condom anyway and then continue with whatever you were doing. At some point you may even forget that you have a condom on.

Your partner also has a role in this. You can ask her to support you in a very simple way: by doing with your penis exactly what she would do with it if there were no condoms. Touching it, sucking it, teasing it—just as if that condom did not exist.

And now, if the moment is ripe for both of you, still wearing your condom, penetrate her. Don’t worry if your erection isn’t that strong. In that case, just make sure to hold the bottom of your condom with your fingers to make sure it doesn’t slip away. But do get yourself to the point where you can penetrate her while still wearing a condom.

This moment is a threshold, and after that, the rest will be much easier. The more you feel that things are going well, the more natural it will become to continue making love with a condom. You will notice that it isn’t all that different from not using it, and that wearing a condom will give both of you more confidence and a feeling of safety. Since you are practicing here, refrain from ejaculating inside your partner, even if you are wearing a condom. The purpose now is to gain confidence with condoms—not necessarily to have the hottest lovemaking of your life.

Every man on this planet should be able to make love with a condom, if necessary. We owe it to ourselves, and we owe it to our partners, men or women. Asking a partner not to use condoms just to protect our sexual pride is not an option. If two lovers decide to not use condoms, let that be a conscious decision, rather than a slippery workaround of a sexual blockage.

Have fun!

Complete Article HERE!

When Did Porn Become Sex Ed?

Conversations between adults and teenagers about what happens after “yes” remain rare.

By

porn:sex ed

THE other day, I got an email from a 21-year-old college senior about sex — or perhaps more correctly, about how ill equipped she was to talk about sex. The abstinence-only curriculum in her middle and high schools had taught her little more than “don’t,” and she’d told me that although her otherwise liberal parents would have been willing to answer any questions, it was pretty clear the topic made them even more uncomfortable than it made her.

So she had turned to pornography. “There’s a lot of problems with porn,” she wrote. “But it is kind of nice to be able to use it to gain some knowledge of sex.”

I wish I could say her sentiments were unusual, but I heard them repeatedly during the three years I spent interviewing young women in high school and college for a book on girls and sex. In fact, according to a survey of college students in Britain, 60 percent consult pornography, at least in part, as though it were an instruction manual, even as nearly three-quarters say that they know it is as realistic as pro wrestling. (Its depictions of women, meanwhile, are about as accurate as those of the “The Real Housewives” franchise.)

The statistics on sexual assault may have forced a national dialogue on consent, but honest conversations between adults and teenagers about what happens after yes — discussions about ethics, respect, decision making, sensuality, reciprocity, relationship building, the ability to assert desires and set limits — remain rare. And while we are more often telling children that both parties must agree unequivocally to a sexual encounter, we still tend to avoid the biggest taboo of all: women’s capacity for and entitlement to sexual pleasure.

It starts, whether intentionally or not, with parents. When my daughter was a baby, I remember reading somewhere that while labeling infants’ body parts (“here’s your nose,” “here are your toes”), parents often include a boy’s genitals but not a girl’s. Leaving something unnamed, of course, makes it quite literally unspeakable.

Nor does that silence change much as girls get older. President Obama is trying — finally — in his 2017 budget to remove all federal funding for abstinence education (research has shown repeatedly that the nearly $2 billion spent on it over the past quarter-century may as well have been set on fire). Yet according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, fewer than half of high schools and only a fifth of middle schools teach all 16 components the agency recommends as essential to sex education. Only 23 states mandate sex ed at all; 13 require it to be medically accurate.

Even the most comprehensive classes generally stick with a woman’s internal parts: uteruses, fallopian tubes, ovaries. Those classic diagrams of a woman’s reproductive system, the ones shaped like the head of a steer, blur into a gray Y between the legs, as if the vulva and the labia, let alone the clitoris, don’t exist. And whereas males’ puberty is often characterized in terms of erections, ejaculation and the emergence of a near-unstoppable sex drive, females’ is defined by periods. And the possibility of unwanted pregnancy. When do we explain the miraculous nuances of their anatomy? When do we address exploration, self-knowledge?

No wonder that according to the largest survey on American sexual behavior conducted in decades, published in 2010 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers at Indiana University found only about a third of girls between 14 and 17 reported masturbating regularly and fewer than half have even tried once. When I asked about the subject, girls would tell me, “I have a boyfriend to do that,” though, in addition to placing their pleasure in someone else’s hands, few had ever climaxed with a partner.

Boys, meanwhile, used masturbating on their own as a reason girls should perform oral sex, which was typically not reciprocated. As one of a group of college sophomores informed me, “Guys will say, ‘A hand job is a man job, a blow job is yo’ job.’ ” The other women nodded their heads in agreement.

Frustrated by such stories, I asked a high school senior how she would feel if guys expected girls to, say, fetch a glass of water from the kitchen whenever they were together yet never (or only grudgingly) offered to do so in return? She burst out laughing. “Well, I guess when you put it that way,” she said.

The rise of oral sex, as well as its demotion to an act less intimate than intercourse, was among the most significant transformations in American sexual behavior during the 20th century. In the 21st, the biggest change appears to be an increase in anal sex. In 1992, 16 percent of women aged 18 to 24 said they had tried anal sex. Today, according to the Indiana University study, 20 percent of women 18 to 19 have, and by ages 20 to 24 it’s up to 40 percent.

A 2014 study of 16- to 18-year-old heterosexuals — and can we just pause a moment to consider just how young that is? — published in a British medical journal found that it was mainly boys who pushed for “fifth base,” approaching it less as a form of intimacy with a partner (who they assumed would both need to be and could be coerced into it) than a competition with other boys. They expected girls to endure the act, which young women in the study consistently reported as painful. Both sexes blamed the girls themselves for the discomfort, calling them “naïve or flawed,” unable to “relax.”

According to Debby Herbenick, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and one of the researchers on its sexual behavior survey, when anal sex is included, 70 percent of women report pain in their sexual encounters. Even when it’s not, about a third of young women experience pain, as opposed to about 5 percent of men. What’s more, according to Sara McClelland, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, college women are more likely than men to use their partner’s physical pleasure as the yardstick for their satisfaction, saying things like “If he’s sexually satisfied, then I’m sexually satisfied.” Men are more likely to measure satisfaction by their own orgasm.

Professor McClelland writes about sexuality as a matter of “intimate justice.” It touches on fundamental issues of gender inequality, economic disparity, violence, bodily integrity, physical and mental health, self-efficacy and power dynamics in our most personal relationships, whether they last two hours or 20 years. She asks us to consider: Who has the right to engage in sexual behavior? Who has the right to enjoy it? Who is the primary beneficiary of the experience? Who feels deserving? How does each partner define “good enough”? Those are thorny questions when looking at female sexuality at any age, but particularly when considering girls’ formative experiences.

We are learning to support girls as they “lean in” educationally and professionally, yet in this most personal of realms, we allow them to topple. It is almost as if parents believe that if they don’t tell their daughters that sex should feel good, they won’t find out. And perhaps that’s correct: They don’t, not easily anyway. But the outcome is hardly what adults could have hoped.

What if we went the other way? What if we spoke to kids about sex more instead of less, what if we could normalize it, integrate it into everyday life and shift our thinking in the ways that we (mostly) have about women’s public roles? Because the truth is, the more frankly and fully teachers, parents and doctors talk to young people about sexuality, the more likely kids are both to delay sexual activity and to behave responsibly and ethically when they do engage in it.

Consider a 2010 study published in The International Journal of Sexual Health comparing the early experiences of nearly 300 randomly chosen American and Dutch women at two similar colleges — mostly white, middle class, with similar religious backgrounds. So, apples to apples. The Americans had become sexually active at a younger age than the Dutch, had had more encounters with more partners and were less likely to use birth control. They were also more likely to say that they’d first had intercourse because of pressure from friends or partners.

In subsequent interviews with some of the participants, the Americans, much like the ones I met, described interactions that were “driven by hormones,” in which the guys determined relationships, both sexes prioritized male pleasure, and reciprocity was rare. As for the Dutch? Their early sexual activity took place in caring, respectful relationships in which they communicated openly with their partners (whom they said they knew “very well”) about what felt good and what didn’t, about how far they wanted to go, and about what kind of protection they would need along the way. They reported more comfort with their bodies and their desires than the Americans and were more in touch with their own pleasure.

What’s their secret? The Dutch said that teachers and doctors had talked candidly to them about sex, pleasure and the importance of a mutual trust, even love. More than that, though, there was a stark difference in how their parents approached those topics.

While the survey did not reveal a significant difference in how comfortable parents were talking about sex, the subsequent interviews showed that the American moms had focused on the potential risks and dangers, while their dads, if they said anything at all, stuck to lame jokes.

Dutch parents, by contrast, had talked to their daughters from an early age about both joy and responsibility. As a result, one Dutch woman said she told her mother immediately after she first had intercourse, and that “my friend’s mother also asked me how it was, if I had an orgasm and if he had one.”

MEANWHILE, according to Amy T. Schalet, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, and the author of “Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex, ” young Dutch men expect to combine sex and love. In interviews, they generally credited their fathers with teaching them that their partners must be equally up for any sexual activity, that the women could (and should) enjoy themselves as much as men, and that, as one respondent said, he would be stupid to have sex “with a drunken head.” Although she found that young Dutch and American men both often yearned for love, only the Americans considered that a personal quirk.

I thought about all of that that recently when, driving home with my daughter, who is now in middle school, we passed a billboard whose giant letters on a neon-orange background read, “Porn kills love.” I asked her if she knew what pornography was. She rolled her eyes and said in that jaded tone that parents of preteenagers know so well, “Yes, Mom, but I’ve never seen it.”

I could’ve let the matter drop, felt relieved that she might yet make it to her first kiss unencumbered by those images.

Goodness knows, that would’ve been easier. Instead I took a deep breath and started the conversation: “I know, Honey, but you will, and there are a few things you need to know.”

Complete Article HERE!

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