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More SEX WISDOM from Ruth Neustifter — Podcast #255 – 01/12/11

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Hey sex fans, welcome back!

My good friend and esteemed colleague, Dr. Ruthie is here again today for more of her signature SEX WISDOM. Gosh, I’m so glad she’s able to join us again, because I had so much fun with her last Wednesday. We were chattin’ up a storm, like it was old home week, when I realized our time together had run out. So I had to beg her to please come back for another round this week. It’s just no fair not gettin my fill of this extraordinary sex educator.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful conversation, which appeared here last week at this time did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #253 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Dr. Ruthie and I discuss:

  • Sex and disability;
  • Stress reduction techniques for better sex;
  • Sex toys and sexual wellbeing;
  • Her association with Funwares;
  • Her YouTube channel;
  • Teenage sexuality;
  • Searching for sex-positive and kink-positive healing and helping professionals;
  • Her surprising inspirations and sexual heroes;
  • Advice for the aspiring sex educator.

Dr. Ruthie invites you to visit her on her website HERE! Look for her on Facebook and Twitter HERE & HERE!

Click on the book art below to pre-order The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Funwares.com.

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SEX WISDOM with Ruth Neustifter — Podcast #253 – 01/05/1

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Hey sex fans,

I have an outlandishly wonderful interview program for you today to launch the 2011 edition of this, the SEX WISDOM podcast series. You’ve come to expect prominent movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality as my guests in this series. And that’s because over the last year we’ve had an opportunity to meet outstanding researchers, educators, clinicians, pundits and philosophers; each one making news and reshaping how we look at our sexual selves.

So let’s start off this new year with at bang, shall we? I have the honor of welcoming a woman of distinction in the world of sex education. She is a Couples and Family therapist, a sought after lecturer and workshop leader, an author, and acclaimed educator and if that weren’t enough, she’s the star of her own line of sex positive videos. I am delighted to have with me the dynamo that is Dr. Ruthie.

And get this; to celebrate her appearance on my show, Dr. Ruthie is offering a FREE 1-hour consultation to a lucky listener. The terms for entering this giveaway are included in today’s show, so listen up. But here’s a tip; it involves tweeting about this podcast.

Dr. Ruthie and I discuss:

Dr. Ruthie invites you to visit her on her website HERE!  Look for her on Facebook and Twitter HERE & HERE!

Click on the book art below to pre-order The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Funwares.com.

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Sex Addiction, or Too Much of a Good Thing?

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This last post of 2010 will start with a declaration. One of my famous “Thus Sayeth Dr. Dick” sorta things, if you please.

Ready?

I categorically reject the concept of sexual addiction that has been floating around in the popular culture for the last 20 years or so.

And yes, I know this will rankle a bunch of you, but you’ll just have to get over it. You see, there is no such thing as a sexual addiction. Period!

Nowadays people bandy about the term addiction as if it can be applied to any and all obsessive behaviors. I have an addiction to chocolate; I’m addicted to shopping; I’m addicted to video games; I’m addicted to porn—or, I’m a sex addict. NONSENSE!

That being said, I hasten to add that I do believe there are sexual obsessions and compulsive sexual behaviors, plenty of ’em in fact. However, obsessions and compulsions are not addictions, and addictions, while they may involve irresistible impulses, are not the same thing as compulsions. Get it? Got it? Good!

I want to be absolutely clear about this. An addiction is a very specific condition. It denotes a dual dependency, physical as well as a psychological.

  • A physical dependency occurs when a substance is habitually used to a point where the body becomes reliant on its effects. The substance must be used constantly, because if it is withheld, it will trigger symptoms of withdrawal.
  • Psychological dependency occurs when the substance habitually used creates an emotional reliance on its effects. There is no functioning without it. Its absence produces intense cravings, which if not fed will trigger symptoms of withdrawal.

Check it out. With the help of my handy-dandy dictionary, a good place to start in discussions of this sort, I discovered these three very distinct definitions:

Addiction: The need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal. Broadly: persistent use of a substance known by the user to be harmful. A state of physiological and psychological dependence on a drug.

Compulsive: Driven by an irresistible inner force to do something; i.e., a compulsive liar.

Obsession: A persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.

See? Different words. Different meanings. Not a particularly complex notion to grasp, right?

And listen, just because a bunch of yahoo afternoon talks show hosts and even a load of my esteemed professional colleagues banter these words about like they were interchangeable doesn’t make it so. In fact, we do ourselves a huge disservice by muddling these very specific concepts into a jumble. My fellow therapists should be the first to recognize this because finding help for an addiction or an intervention for an obsessive/compulsive disorder will be as specific as the problem itself.

One thing is for certain: identifying one of the things, as the other will complicate the problem solving. It’s like going to the doctor with a headache, and when the doc asks where does it hurt, you point to your stomach. It just won’t do.

Hi Dr. Dick,
I recently found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He wants me to forgive him, but he keeps on doing the same thing over and over again. He’s like addicted to sex or something. I love him very much, but I feel dirty just by being around him and knowing what he’s doing. It also makes me feel stupid putting up with all of this and at the same time I still love him, please give me some advice. Thank You.
— Darlene

Before we turn our attention to your boyfriend’s behavior, let me make a quick observation about you. You’re a big fat ball of contradictions, huh? How can you say that you love the person that makes you feel dirty and stupid? You’re deceiving yourself about at least one of those feelings. And if I had to guess, I’d say what you’ve got with your man ain’t love—it’s an obsession.

Your boyfriend probably has you figured out by now, and he knows that you will tolerate his misbehavior, which gives him tacit permission to do whatever he feels like doing. From where I sit, you’re the real sap. If you’re really serious about reining in your wayward BF, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate. Until you do precisely that, he’ll just think that he can roam wherever he wants and whenever he wants.

If the two of you are supposed to be living in a sexually exclusive relationship, and he’s taking his business elsewhere, then he’s got a problem, too. However, I caution you against thinking that his sexual behaviors are an addiction. Because they’re not.  And thinking they are will not help you find the solution to the problems you folks are having.

There are root causes for his behavior, just like there are root causes for your behavior. To get to the bottom of all of this, each of you will need to invest a good deal of time and energy with a qualified therapist. One can only hope that there’s a big enough bank of goodwill between the two of you to carry the day because overcoming your obsession and his compulsions will demand all of your emotional resources.

Dear Dr. Dick,
I have been in a relationship for five years now and truly love my partner, however I can never seem to get enough sex. I am 30 and he is 29, but I constantly find myself in the chat rooms lookin’ for younger guys to have sex with. It’s more than just a hobby—it’s a habit! I’ve actually lost jobs because he’d be out of town and I’d spend almost every waking hour on the PC with a cocktail looking for sex, not caring about anything else. It’s like I’m addicted to sex. He knows I have played around (I actually have talked him into three-ways a few times), but he has no idea how extreme it’s become. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not unhappy with him. I just can’t seem to stop wanting sex with younger guys. Any suggestions?
— Brian

It’s interesting that you should tell me about your compulsive sexual behavior in the same breath that you tell me of your love for your partner. As you’ve probably guessed already, there isn’t really much of a connection between the two. Love and sex are two very different things. Sometimes they go together, but not always or even often for that matter.

It appears to me that you’ve really got two problems happening simultaneously: First, your compulsive prowling of the internet for sex (complicated, I might add, by your alcohol consumption). Second, the deception you’re practicing on your partner. Let’s deal with each of these in turn.

Your particular sexual activity, like any compulsive behavior (overeating, excessive shopping, etc.), is more than just a bad habit. It’s a serious psychological dysfunction. Take it from me: breaking this behavior pattern will be nearly impossible without some professional help. If the problem is as serious as you say, then you’d better seek help right away. This sort of thing, if left untreated, will not only destroy your relationship, it will ruin your life. When you seek that professional help, I encourage you to include information about your alcohol consumption. If there is an addiction in all of this, it’s the alcohol, not the sex. And in your case, the addiction may be fueling the compulsion.

Now, regarding your relationship. It’s imperative that you come clean with your partner about your sexual obsessions and compulsions, as well as your probable alcohol addiction. Not only will you feel better about not lying to him anymore, you’re going to need his support in overcoming the difficult obstacles you face. I suggest that you attend to this right away. There’s not a moment to lose.

Good Luck

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The Sex EDGE-U-cation of Brody James — Podcast #246 – 11/17/10

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Hey sex fans,

I have a delightful twist on the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series for you today. As you know, in this series I’ve been chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles; we’ve been taking a look at the world of fetish sex and kink. Not surprisingly, this series has generated loads of comments from my audience, mostly from folks new to the scene. You’ve told me how much you are enjoying these conversations and how much you’ve been learning from listening to the masters speak. I feel the same way; I can’t tell you how enriching this series has been for me personally.

So all of this feedback got me to thinking. Wouldn’t it be interesting to interview some relative newcomers to the scene to see how they are making their way? Well that turned out to be easier said then done. Most of the budding kinksters I invited to join me were flattered that I asked them to participate, but all were too shy to actually follow through. That is until I had the good fortune to meet today’s very special guest, Brody James.

Brody graciously agreed to talk with me about his personal journey. And so he is here today to let us know how it’s all going. I know you will be as charmed as I by this marvelous young man and our frank discussion.

Brody and I discuss:
His impressions of Folsom Fringe and The Folsom Street Fair;
Who is Brody James, international man of mystery;
His first foray into the scene;
The learning curve involved;
Opening a primary relationship;
Self-identifying as kinky;
A working definition of power play;
Classes at CSPC with BondageLessons Max;
Is BDSM synonymous with power play;
Defining Dominate/top & submissive/bottom.

If you’re a member of fetlife.com, you can find Brody by searching for his profile: BJK32

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

drdicksstockroom.jpg

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Holiday Gift Giving Guide, WEEK 1

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Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday again. And today we launch our 3rd annual Holiday Gift Giving Guide. Over the next five weeks we will feature a boatload of adult products for naughty boys and girls.

We have numerous manufacturers and retailers participating with us this year. So we will bring you an array of goodies from high-end pleasure objects to inexpensive novelty items. I can pretty much guarantee that this year’s guide will have something for everyone.

Let’s start off with two products from our friends at Good Vibrations.

Night of Romance Kit —— $18.00

Jada
My husband and I were babysitting our 5-year-old niece for a few days a couple weeks ago. She’s at that stage when mimicking adult behavior is so much fun. She loves dress up and playing house, but her favorite thing is having a tea party. She took great pains to put on an elaborate party for me when we stayed with her. Everything had to be just right and it was all in miniature; it was so cute. Her joy was truly contagious.

These few days with my niece rekindled in me a sense of playfulness that carried over to a weekend get away with my man. I decided to save the Night of Romance Kit that I received to review for this special weekend. It’s actually a miniature plastic handbag that contains a Vibrating Couples Ring, a 5oz container of Please Pleasure Cream and a 5oz container of Touch Me Massage Oil.
Full Review HERE!

Good Clean Love Lubricant —— $16.00

Christa
Ya know what I dig about Good Clean Love Lubricant? I absolutely get it that it’s organic; well it’s made of 95% organic ingredients anyway. Their corporate logo includes the words: “Chemistry without chemicals”. That rocks!

Good Clean Love Lubricant is a water-based lube, but it has a very natural feel to it. Other water-based lubes I’ve tried can be kinda runny, but not this one. That’s because it’s actually more of a gel than a liquid. If there’s one drawback to a water-based lube it’s that it can dry out with vigorous use. And when I’m pegging my little sub, butt-boy BF, Alex, things can get pretty vigorous, ok? Good Clean Love Lubricant has less of a problem with drying out, but if I find that it is getting a little tacky, I just add a wad of spit. Not very lady-like, you say? Fuck you! Alex totally gets off on spit. So I’m happy to oblige.
Full Review HERE!

Here’s a mighty big handful of pleasure from the good folks at Funwares.

Nexus Max 5 —— $69.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “This here is the Nexus Max 5. The package says it’s a G-spot massager. But, if you ask me, it should also say it’s a P-spot massager.”
Hank: “Glenn thinks everything belongs in his ass.”
Glenn: “That’s not exactly true. But, for the most part, if a toy is designed for G-spot stimulation it’ll probably work wonders on your prostate too. That being said, I’ll admit that the Nexus Max 5 is not for beginners!”
Hank: “That’s an understatement. I couldn’t get the first knob on the insertable end past my rosebud.”
Glenn: “Yep, this is a professional grade insertable, that’s for sure. But for a talented power bottom like me, there’s nothing too it.”
Hank: “I love the shape of it. The Nexus Max 5 is made of medical grade silicone, which is one of the safest and most hygienic sex toy materials available. It’s completely smooth and when you lube it up, with a water-based lube, (and make sure you only use water-based lube) it’s slick and slippery and basically slides into Glenn’s ass like a hot knife through butter.”
Glenn: “The unique shape of the Nexus Max 5 makes it so easy to handle, even when lubed up. You, or your partner, can get a real good grip on the thing. And you can power-fuck your ass with it too, although most guys will probably just use it as a butt plug. Here’s the thing, if you can’t easily insert at least two or three fingers in your hole, this toy is not for you.”
Hank: “I swear my man has the most talented ass in town. It’s been known to swallow my entire fist, so the Nexus Max 5 is a cakewalk for him. It comes with a removable bullet vibe, which has 3 variable speeds of vibration. It runs on one of those little round watch batteries and it comes already loaded with a battery right out of the package.”
Full Review HERE!

Now we welcome a brand new manufacturer to our review family. Just about everyone’s favorite high-class video production house, Digital Playground is not making sex toys too. We have two to share with you today.

Riley’s Pleasure Ring w/ Silver Bullet —— $24.99

Ken & Denise
Ken: “Denise and I are huge fans of Digital Playground. In fact our all time favorite movie is Pirates.”
Denise: “So imagine our delight when we heard that Digital Playground is now producing a line of sex toys with the Pirates theme.”
Ken: “Think of it as an adult version of the movie themed toys kids get at a fast food outlet.”
Denise: “We scored the Riley’s Pleasure Ring w/ Silver Bullet for review. It’s named after the porn star, Riley Steele, who appears in Pirates 2.”
Ken: “You get this white stretchy cockring that is molded with skulls and a hook to keep with the pirate theme. It’s pretty funny, actually. Anyhow, there’s a barrel shaped thingy on the top of the ring, this is where the silver bullet attaches to the ring in a horizontal fashion.”
Denise: “It is pretty comical, but it works! The bullet has 3 speeds and two pulse settings for variety. It’s amazing what they’re able to do with bullet vibes these days. It used to be, and not so long ago, they were only one speed.”
Full Review HERE!

Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker —— $24.99

Brad
Jesse Jane is my favorite porn star. I think I have at least a half dozen of her movies, including the two Pirates movies. So when I saw the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker at Dr Dick’s place, I asked if I could review it.

I want to start my review with how the stroker looks in its package. The clear molded plastic case features a totally hot pic of Ms Jane in her pirate costume. You can see the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker through the clear plastic and it looks like an ice sculpture. Very cool! I know ya can’t tell a book by its cover, but the presentation is totally hot, especially for a Jesse Jane fan, like me.

I opened the package and fished out the jelly-like stroker. It’s made of Cyberskin, which really soft, floppy and squishy. I have to say; upon closer inspection of the stroker outside the package, it is a little eerie. It’s like this see-through elf of a Jesse Jane. There’s also a sweet smell to it, almost like strawberry shortcake. I kid you not.

The thing about this stroker is that it has two small apertures at either end of Jesse’s tiny body — one where her asshole would be and the other at her mouth. Since you can see right through her body, you can also see the textured canal that is supposed to surround your dick when you fuck this thing. I mean that’s what a masturbator is all about, right?

Right off the bat I’m thinkin’ I’m never gonna get my 7.5” thick cock into the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker no matter how stretchy the Cyberskin is. But I proceeded anyhow. I got my favorite water-based lube; it’s the only kind of lube I’d ever use with Cyberskin. Funny, there’s nothing on the package that would warn a user about that. In fact the package has no information about the care and handling of this special material. And that’s way too bad, because if you use the wrong kind of lube with Cyberskin it will disintegrate. And if you don’t care for it after each and every use, you will destroy it.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

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