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More Men Than You Think Identify As ‘Mostly Straight’

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In 2013, Hunger Games actor Josh Hutcherson told an interviewer for Out magazine that he was, in his own words, “mostly straight.” “Maybe I could say right now I’m 100 percent straight. But who knows? In a fucking year, I could meet a guy and be like, ‘Whoa, I’m attracted to this person’ … I’ve met guys all the time that I’m like, ‘Damn, that’s a good-looking guy,’ you know? I’ve never been, like, ‘Oh, I want to kiss that guy.’ I really love women. But I think defining yourself as 100% anything is kind of near-sighted and close-minded.”

At the time, the actor’s comments attracted considerable attention from the media, and the interview caught my eye, too. Hutcherson typifies the young men (he’s 25 years old) I’ve interviewed over the years in my work as a research psychologist: those who embrace sexual ambiguity over neat and simple identity boxes. I even borrowed his words as the title for my new book, Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidity Among Men. In it, I draw from the experiences of young men to make the case that an increasing number say they’re straight, but feel a slight but enduring sexual or romantic desire for men.

When I tell people about my work, they often assume these men are joking, or that they are really closeted gays. They’re not. Perhaps if a young woman were to make the same claims as these men, we wouldn’t be surprised: Women, not men, are supposedly fluid in their sexual and romantic lives. The 40 young men I interviewed for my book would disagree. Here’s a small sampling of what they’ve told me.

“I’m not completely heterosexual. I like to think of myself as fluid. I have man crushes when a male is so cool … I like the idea of male fluidity.” — Leo, age 21

“If I were to meet a man who I was attracted to, I would not be afraid to be attracted to them.” — Demetri, age 19

“He opened my eyes that it is not wrong for a straight guy to have attractions or crushes on other guys.” — Brady, age 18

“I wrestled with this guy, my drill partner, and we got very close. We never kissed, but emotionally we kissed.” — Kevin, age 19

“I’ve had bromances, I guess you could say. And man crushes … I would say I’m 99 percent straight with my 1 percent being those moments where noticing or thinking what would it be like to have sex with a guy.” — Ben, age 22

These men challenge existing assumptions that a man is necessarily straight, gay, or, perhaps, bisexual, and that his sexual arousals and romantic desires are stable, categorical, and, therefore, predictable. But what if he doesn’t fit into existing sexual categories or acknowledges that sometimes he desires sex or romance with his “nonpreferred” sex (men)? Is he simply fooling himself — or might he be illustrating a hidden and poorly understood dimension of male sexuality?

The short answer is that we simply don’t know, because research on male sexuality frequently combines him with straight or bisexual men, or deletes him altogether because researchers aren’t sure what to make of him. But so far, the difference seems to be this: Mostly straight men are more attracted to women and less attracted to men than are bisexual men, suggesting that they are neither exclusively straight, nor are they bisexual.

We like male sexuality to be simplistic and straightforward, but this can only be achieved by ignoring complexity. In so doing, however, we discount insights uncovered 70 years ago, when Kinsey demonstrated that sexuality is a continuum for both sexes. And, perhaps more critically, we negate young men who proclaim that their sexual and romantic desires and attachments are on a spectrum, not forever fixed in time or permanently housed in gay or straight identity boxes. We fail to recognize that they are “something else” — not exclusively straight, not bisexual, but mostly straight.

During the past decade, researchers in my sex and gender lab have reviewed the scientific literature about these young men — including youth who in a previous generation had described themselves as “straight but not narrow,” “heteroflexible,” or “bicurious.” We also surveyed and interviewed hundreds of young men about their sexual and romantic histories and measured their pupil and genital responses while they watched videos of naked men and women. In brief, here’s what we’ve found.

More men than you think identify as mostly straight. When given the option to identify as mostly straight, approximately 5 to 10 percent of men do so. This is especially true among millennials, who tend to possess greater sexual knowledge, freedom, curiosity, and exploration than earlier generations. This percentage is, by the way, higher than the percentage of men who self-identify as gay or bisexual combined. And yet these numbers are likely conservative, underrepresenting the true proportion of men who are mostly straight.

Perhaps this is because these men believe they don’t have the similar leeway to choose alternative sexualities. Or, perhaps, they fail to recognize that their bromances, “bud sex” activities, and man crushes imply something important about their sexual or romantic orientation. Also suppressing the number of men willing to identify as mostly straight is the widespread belief in previous generations that any amount of same-sex attractions or crushes makes one at least bisexual and, likely, gay.

“Mostly straight” doesn’t mean “secretly gay.” Our research has found that a mostly straight identity remains moderately stable over time. If a mostly straight individual drifts, the movement is usually between a straight and a mostly straight identity — almost never toward a bisexual or gay identity. This finding challenges the widespread belief that a mostly straight man is in reality someone who is gay but is afraid to emerge from his closet. (Indeed, mostly straight men tend to be exceptionally pro-gay.)

Guy sex and man crushes should be considered an addition, not a subtraction. A mostly straight man exhibits patterns of sexual and romantic attraction, fantasy, and infatuation that are distinctly unique from other men, though, to be clear, he leans closer to the straight. He has about as many female sex partners and romances as a straight man but, as you might expect, he is also more likely to have sex with another guy. His sexual behavior tends to involve genital touching, mutual masturbation, or receptive oral sex, but not anal sex. Although he might develop an intense man crush and cuddle with a best friend, he is considerably less likely to fall passionately in love or want to date this friend. However, he might also agree with interviewee Dillon, age 20: “If the guy is attractive enough … You just never know.” Guy sex and man crushes can be thought of as an addition, not a subtraction, to his heterosexuality.

There is even (some) physiological evidence to support this theory. My lab has found that physiological measures of sexual orientation which are relatively free of conscious control confirm the existence of mostly straight men. These individuals had arousal patterns — penis enlargement and pupil dilation — to pornographic videos of women masturbating that were identical to those of straight men. In contrast to straight men (who had almost zero arousal), they were also slightly aroused by men masturbating, though less so than were bisexual men. Thus, we observed that whereas a mostly straight man didn’t differ from a straight man in his physiological responses to women, he did in his heightened arousal to men. This suggests that he wasn’t lying about his self-reported mostly straightness.

Historically, the social ramifications for owning any degree of homoeroticism prompted many men to minimize or disown their same-sex desires. However, increased tolerance for diverse sexual and gender expression among millennials has given permission to this formerly unrecognized group to embrace the breadth of their sexual and emotional lives. Some we’ve interviewed have maintained this identity and orientation for many years, perhaps even a lifetime, even as they live traditional heterosexual lives.They’re not closeted gays who over time gravitate toward same-sex encounters. They’re mostly straight.

Complete Article HERE!

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It’s totally OK to like pegging if you’re a straight man – 7 guys tells us why

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If 2017 was the year of eating ass, 2018 will be the year of pegging.

Chances are you’ve already heard of it – but if you haven’t, pegging is, in most cases, a sexual act where a straight man is penetrated by a woman wearing a strap-on dildo. And no, it doesn’t involve a peg leg.

The word ‘pegging’ elicits responses of shock and judgement in many, and it might not be for everyone, but as with all sex, it is simply about pleasure.

Pegging has been around since the dawn of time (anything we do, rest assured, the Romans did it first) but it wasn’t until the 1998 release of sexologist Carol Queen’s sex education video series Bend Over Boyfriend that the act was given more attention.

But despite its recent surge in pop culture, in part thanks to shows like Broad City and movies like Deadpool, the act still remains largely taboo.

Many people still mistakenly think that if a straight man enjoys being penetrated, it makes him gay (it doesn’t) or unmanly (utter bollocks).

Anal pleasure for straight men has always been a taboo, partly due to this misguided, patriarchal idea of emasculation, and partly due to an ‘ew’ factor.

But letting internalised homophobia and gender roles get in the way of mind-blowing orgasms seems a little bit silly, doesn’t it?

After all, the prostate – the walnut-size gland found under a man’s bladder and easily accessible via the anus – is essentially the male g-spot. A magic pleasure button, if you will.

Aside from the intense physical pleasure, one of the best aspects of pegging in a cis, hetero relationship is that it inverts the traditional framework of gender and sexual roles.

According to a 2012 study published in the journal Sex Roles, clinging to traditional gender roles could make us feel less comfortable between the sheets, and research by sexuality educator Dr. Charlie Glickman also shows that straight men who had tried pegging were more in tune with what their female partner needed from them during penetration.

So pegging could not only give men a more intense orgasm, but it could possibly teach them a thing or two on how to pleasure women; basically, a win win.

When you think about it, pegging is still standard heterosexual PIV sex because the bottom line (pun intended) is putting something inside a hole. It simply works the other way around.

Indulging in something that is taboo helps chip away the stigma, which helps people get over their insecurities about what turns them on.

Talking about all kinds of sex, urges and curiosities is the first step towards a fulfilling sex life, and no one should feel ashamed to discuss their sexual preferences.

And because sex should always be a judgement free zone, here, seven straight men share their experience with pegging (anonymously, because society is still a little prudish). To quote Ilana from Broad City: ‘Anal’s on the menu’.

R, 33

My interest for anal play and pegging didn’t develop until my 30s.

During my 20s, I was more interested in having different sexual partners and more ‘traditional’ sex.

However, as my relationships started to become more stable, I found that pegging added an extra dimension to my sex life.

I was also very curious about prostate stimulation that is mentioned constantly in many sex articles, so this became something I wanted to try.

C, 21

It’s no different to admitting you having a fetish.

Some people are into feet and others like to be spanked or choked and pegging isn’t any different.

It might be a bit awkward to talk about at first but if you can’t openly talk to your partner then they’re not meant for you.

A, 27

It was my ex girlfriend’s idea, she read about it and brought it up with me.

I was skeptical at first, but even now that we’re not together anymore, it’s something I do with my new partner.

We don’t do it very often but even when we just have regular sex, she’s a lot more assertive, which I think is really hot.

K, 33

I suffer from erectile dysfunction so the allure of pegging was that it took the focus off the penis.

The prostate is basically the male g-spot so it means men who struggle with staying hard can reach orgasm without any penis stimulation at all.

M, 26

Once I realised how good it felt to have your anus stimulated through rimjobs, it kind of snowballed.

My girlfriend and I both started using butt plugs on each other, then we tried vibrators, then dildos.

One day we bought a strap on and never looked back.

M, 24

What I love about it besides the physical sensation, which is awesome, is the power switch.

There’s a lot of trust involved in being pegged, you need to have faith that the woman won’t hurt or judge you and there’s a lot of intimacy in that, which can be very powerful.

There’s also something to be said about someone wanting to please you like that, it makes you feel desired.

T, 26

It just feels really good, there’s not much more to it. If your gal is willing to try I recommend going for it, easy as that.

Complete Article HERE!

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What Does It Mean?

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Name: Robin
Gender: female
Age: 44
Location: Valparaiso, Florida
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year we have always had frontal sex and last night we had anal sex does this mean there is a change in his feelings in our relationship or just to try something different?

Since I am of the mind that anal sex is a natural variation of human sexual expression, which is enjoyed by loads and loads of people all over the world, I suspect that your boyfriend was just trying something different. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you. However, the only way to be absolutely sure is ask him outright.

What’s so curious about your message is that you say absolutely nothing about your response to this new sex play. Did it come as a surprise? Is it safe to assume you were the bottom during this little adventure? Was this a new experience for you? Did you enjoy it? Gosh, seems to me you have lots to talk about with the BF, right? I mean, if I’m curious as all get-out about your reactions, and I don’t even know you; imagine how interested he must be in hearing from you. Why he doesn’t ask you is beyond me. Surely you have some input to share with him…then hopefully me too. With a little luck I’ll hear back from you on this.

 

One thing I’d love to know is, if you bottomed this time, is there a chance he’ll bottom for you in the future? Pegging (you know, you with a strap-on) is all the rage these days, don’t cha know. In fact, in my private practice I often see straight men who are curious about ass play…their ass. They’re afraid to bring up the topic of pegging with their girlfriends or wives, because they think their women might think they’ve turned queer. That simply isn’t the case. One of the suggestions I often make to my butt-curious male clients is that they initiate anal sex with their female partners…the chick as the bottom. Then if that goes well, they could suggest that their partner pleasure their bum in just the same way.

I know it’s kind of a roundabout way of asking for what you want, but it often gets the job done.

Good luck

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A Stylish Vibe For Beginners

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. And, like the last three weeks, you can see them HERE and HERE and HERE, we welcome a new manufacturer to our review effort. This week it’s another German company, OVO Lifestyle Toys.

I’m delighted to welcome back to this review effort one of the founding members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, Joy and her oh so charming wife, Dixie.

F12 Vibrator Fuchsia —— $52.69

Joy & Dixie
Joy: “We’re BACK!”
Dixie: “And we’re back as married ladies. In the near three years that has passed since our last reviews, we got hitched. Joy got down on one knee, no easy task for her, and proposed. After I said, yes, I had to help her to her feet.”
Joy: “So, OK, I’m a romantic at heart, I’m just not built for all the more traditional romantic gestures.”
Dixie: “To tell the truth, not much really changed in our lives after the wedding, but we scored some kick-ass wedding gifts. Joy got some power tools, of course, and I got a load of stuff for the kitchen. We even got a couple of sex toys. All our dyke friends know how much we loves our sex toys.”
Joy: “And ya know what’s better than sex toys? Getting sex toys for free in exchange for doing reviews here on Dr Dick Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews.”
Dixie: “Which brings us to why we are here today. We’re here to tell you about the F12 Vibrator Fuchsia from OVO Lifestyle Toys. Here it is in all its handsomeness.”
Joy: “Or, here SHE is in all her beauty.”
Dixie: “You say tomato, I say tomahto.”
Joy: “I want to start our introduction with the packaging, if that’s alright with you. F12 Vibrator Fuchsia comes in a nice gift package. But my first thought was…are you kidding me with the name? Fuchsia if fine; it is, after all, the color of the thing. But F12?? You gotta be kidding me. Someone is falling down in the creative department, if you ask me.”
Dixie: “I second that. But, you’re right the box is nice.”
Joy: “The packaging consists of a white embossed slip-sleeve featuring a full-sized image of F12 Vibrator Fuchsia. The outer sleeve tells you just about everything you need to know about the vibe inside. It has four programs, three speeds, a contoured texture, it’s waterproof, it’s battery operated, and it comes with a 15-year warranty. Under the slip-sleeve is the pearl grey box that claps shut with magnets. Inside that there’s a black and clear plastic clamshell insert sorta deal that holds the vibe in place. It’s attractive without being ostentatious. There’s also a OVO product catalog and ‘quick start guide’ included.”
Dixie: The F12 Vibrator Fuchsia vibe is covered in a luscious, high-quality, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. Silicone is our material of choice for insertables. But don’t forget you must always use a water-based lube with a silicone toy like the F12. A silicone-based lube would mar the finish. The F12 comes in just this one color, as far as I know, but it has some nice gold detailing.”

Joy: “Like I just said the F12 has four vibrating programs and three speeds. The vibrations are the buzzy kind not the rumbling kind. The two-button control panel is easy to handle and operate. There’s an on/off button under the silicone skin. The “+ and -” button accelerates the speed through its five settings. And it is remarkably quiet.”
Dixie: “The F12 is about nine inches long. The insertable portion is about six inches long. It’s a pretty traditional shape for an insertable, but the contours are nice.”
Joy: “I can’t help but thinking how retro the F12 is. I mean it’s battery operated for god’s sake. I can’t even remember the last toy we reviewed that was battery operated.”
Dixie: “But it’s waterproof, so there’s that. And come to think of it, there are probably lots of women, particularly older women, who may not have the capacity or the know-how to use a USB recharger.”
Joy: “I hear ya. That is actually a really good point. And the fact that F12 is waterproof makes it perfect for bath time. And who doesn’t like to get off in the bath?”
Dixie: “Because it is made of silicone and its fully waterproof it’s so easy to clean. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. But you can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing. And it should be shared!”
Joy: “The packaging states that the F12 is ‘curved for added g-spot pleasure’. I know that g-spot pleasuring is a real buzz word (you should pardon the pun) in vibes these days, but I’m gonna challenge OVO on this claim. I think there’s not nearly enough curve to the F12 to make it an effective g-spot vibe.”
Dixie: “I totally agree with Joy. At the same time, one size or one shape does not fit all! Each of our bodies is different; what will work for me, won’t work for Joy and visa versa. There are so many variables — insertable length, curve of the shaft, and on and on.”
Joy: “Exactly! I have another quarrel with the promotional materials of F12. The claim the F12 is ‘earth-shatteringly powerful’. I beg to differ! While the F12 has many nice features; take it from me, it is most assuredly not ‘earth-shatteringly powerful’. The F12 doesn’t really have enough oomph to get me off. But then again, I am not the intended audience for the F12. I’m thinking the F12 is geared toward a woman, or a couple new to sex toys.”
Dixie: “And I can’t recommend the F12 for butt play either. There isn’t a flared base on it to make it safe for anal play. So all you guys and gals out there experimenting with anal sex, you’ll have to look elsewhere for a pleasure product.”
Joy: “Let’s recap, shall we? F12 is body-safe, healthy, waterproof, moderately powerful, and super quiet.”
Dixie: “When we were working on this review we searched the net for info about the F12. One of the things we discovered is that there is a wide price range for this product. We saw it for as little as $35 and as expensive as $50. I don’t know what accounts for that disparity, but I encourage you to shop around if you plan to buy.”

Full Review HERE!

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Here’s what happens when you get an STI test — and if it comes back positive

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By Erin Van Der Meer

If you’ve never had an STI test, you’re probably imagining it’s a horrendously awkward experience where a mean, judgmental doctor pokes around your nether regions.

But like getting a needle or going to your first workout in a while, it’s one of those things that seems much worse in your mind than it is in reality.

For starters, often you don’t even have to pull down your pants.

“If someone comes in for a routine test for sexually transmissible infections (STIs) and they don’t have any symptoms, they usually don’t need a genital examination,” Dr Vincent Cornelisse, a spokesperson for the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners, told Coach.

“The tests that are ordered will depend on that person’s risk of STIs – some people only need a urine test, some need a self-collected anal or vaginal swab, and some people need a blood test.

“We aim to make this process as hassle-free as possible, in order to encourage people to have ongoing regular testing for STIs.”

Cornelisse says the embarrassment and stigma that some of us still feel about getting an STI test is unnecessary.

“STIs have been around for as long as people have been having sex, so getting an STI is nothing to be ashamed about, it’s a normal part of being human.

“Getting an STI test is an important part of maintaining good health for anyone who is sexually active.”

If you’re yet to have an STI test or it’s been a long time, here’s what you need to know.

How often do you need an STI test?

On average it’s good to get an STI test once a year, but some people should go more often.

“Some people are more affectionate than others, so some need to test every three months – obviously, if someone has symptoms that suggest that they may have an STI, then a physical examination is an important part of their assessment.”

As a general rule, people under 30, men who have sex with men, and people who frequently have new sexual partners should go more often.

To get an STI test ask your GP, or find a sexual health clinic in your area – the Family Planning Alliance Australia website can help you locate one.

What happens at the test?

As Cornelisse mentioned, the doctor will ask you some questions to determine which tests you need, whether it’s a urine test, blood test or genital inspection.

You’ll be asked questions about your sexual orientation, the number of sexual partners you’ve had, your sexual practices (like whether you’ve had unprotected sex), whether you have any symptoms, whether you have injected drugs, and whether you have any tattoos or body piercings.

Your results will be sent away and returned in about one week.

What if you test positive?

There’s no reason to panic if your results show you have an STI – if anything, you should feel relieved, Cornelisse says.

“If you hadn’t had the test, you wouldn’t have realised you had an STI and you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to treat it.

“Most STIs are easily treatable, and the other ones can be managed very well with modern medicine. So don’t feel shame, feel proud – you’re adulting!”

You’ll need to tell your recent sexual partners. While it might be a little awkward, they’ll ultimately appreciate you showing that you care about them.

“People often stress about this, but in my experience people appreciate it if their sexual partner has bothered to tell them about an STI – it shows them that you respect them,” Cornelisse says.

“Also, if this is a sexual partner who you’re likely to have sex with again, not telling them means that you’re likely to get the same STI again.”

The risks of leaving an STI untreated

You can probably think of 400 things you’d rather do than go for an STI test, but the earlier a sexually transmitted infection is caught, the better.

A recent spate of “super-gonorrhea” – a strain of the disease resistant to normal antibiotics –can result in fertility problems, but people who contract it show no symptoms, meaning getting tested is the only way to know you have it, and treat it.

“Untreated STIs can cause many serious problems,” Cornelisse warns.

“For women, untreated chlamydia can cause pelvic scarring, resulting in infertility and chronic pelvic pain.

“Syphilis is making a comeback, and if left untreated can cause many different problems, including damage to the brain, eyes and heart.

“If HIV is left untreated it will result in damage to the immune system — resulting in life-threatening infections and cancers — which is called AIDS.”

There is a long-term treatment for AIDS, but this depends on it being caught early.

“People living with HIV now can live a healthy life and live about as long as people without HIV, but the chance of living a healthy life with HIV depends on having the HIV diagnosed early and starting treatment early.

“Which it’s why it’s so important to be tested regularly, particularly as many STIs often don’t cause symptoms, so you won’t know you have one.”

Looking at the big picture, if you have an undiagnosed and untreated STI, you could give it to your sexual partners, who pass it onto theirs, which is how you got it.

“Getting a regular STI test is not only important for your own health, it also makes you a responsible sexual partner,” Cornelisse says.

“I encourage people to discuss STI testing with their sexual partners. If your sexual partners are also getting tested regularly, it reduces your risk of getting an STI.”

Complete Article HERE!

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