ANOTHER SEXUAL ENRICHMENT TUTORIAL
Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques
The most frequent questions I get are from your average Dick and Jane, (or Dick and Dick, or Jane and Jane) who want to spice up their sex life. Inevitably they describe the kind of sex they’re currently having. And almost universally the description makes this grown man cry. Jeez, the boredom. How do they stand it? It’s a wonder any of them are having any sex at all.
What is it with the humdrum, run of the mill, and the “we’ve always done it that way mentality?” Are ya’ll afraid that if you add a little something new to your sex chore, from time to time, that the sky will fall? Holy cow!
Today’s tutorial is another attempt to motivate you to get off your butts and make something interesting happen in the sex department. We’ll begin with what was once called foreplay.
First off, I hate the word “foreplay” because it suggests that all these really great sex activities are only a lead up to a single “more important” activity — fucking. It also implies that ya’ll can dispense with the one in order to hurry up and get to the other. And that, my friends, is always a huge mistake.
I’m of the mind that we’d all be better served if we thought of sex play as a continuum of pleasure and pleasuring — with a beginning, middle and an end. If you ask me, our sex play ought mirror our sexual response cycles — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. That way we’re less likely to overburden one particular activity at the expense of all the others. Get it? Got it? Good!
Experienced sex fans agree; the best sexual encounters include an extended period of sensual play at the beginning of most sex play. This brings increased pleasure to both partners, and will make whatever else that might follow more satisfying. Just remember, sex play can be a meal in itself.
Sex play brings spice to the encounter because it gets our motors started. Even all you major sex athletes out there who are perpetually primed for sex will benefit from some hearty sex play. It will help cool your jets and make the encounter last longer than a firecracker. And I know that you know what I mean!
In our hectic rush around world, sex play is particularly important. It helps us transition from the daily cares and woes to the realm of sensual pleasures. The workaholics among us need more time to become fully aroused. Their minds are still filled with the junk of the day, and not yet ready to give or receive pleasure. And pleasuring and being pleasured takes a big attitude shift from that of the rest of the day. In fact, if you’re gonna approach sex and pleasuring with the same mindset you have on the job or with the kids, give it up now and be done with it. You’ll only walk away from the encounter disappointed.
Sex play primes us for maximum pleasure. Men will have the time we need to come to full erection and women will have the time they need to properly lubricate. By the way, this is called the arousal stage in our sexual response cycle. But you probably know that already, right?
When we stop thinking of sex play as “foreplay” we realize there is no such thing as spending too much time giving and getting pleasure. If sex play evolves into full-on fucking — SWELL. Both partners will be fully aroused and fucking will flow naturally and effortlessly from the pleasure enjoyed at the beginning of sex play.
Sex play can include everything from chocolate and whipped cream to whips and chains. But let’s not get too far ahead of our selves. Let’s start at the beginning of sex play. Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being helped out of our daily wear and into something sexy or nothing at all can be very arousing. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. We could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living, but there’s more about this in another tutorial — The Big Tease; How to Strip for Someone Special.
Creating the right sex environment is important too. Make sure the room is warm. Proper lighting and music will surely add to the mood. Scents are also important. More and more people are incorporating erotica into their sex play — reading a sexy story together or enjoying some hot porn will make the encounter memorable.
Most women complain that their partners don’t kiss long enough and rush the kissing to get at their pussy. Guys, what the fuck? You want pussy? Use your mouth to maximum advantage kiss and nibble all over everything. Literally devour your partner with your mouth. Believe me, if you do this right, by the time you get to her pussy she’s gonna want to give it up big time.
Sex play is the perfect time for setting the mood for all that might follow. It’s a time for sharing fantasies, role-playing, dirty talk or some full body massage. Always have some nice lotion available then use your hands, forearms, feet and elbows to knead your partner’s muscles and naughty bits.
Certain areas on the body are more hot-wired than others. It’s your job to find each and every one your partner has. As you massage vary your strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your fingertips across his or her nipples and behind his or her ears as you kiss him and tease her with your tongue.
If you’re doin things right, your partner will be moaning with pleasure. If she or he starts getting impatient it’s time to bring out the restraints. There’s nothing like some hot erotic bondage to punctuate your sex play.
While your darling is subdued and possibly blindfolded, crank things up a notch. Add different sensations and stimuli, a warm chocolate sauce followed by ice cream. A fur mitt followed by a Loofah. Introduce some sex toys — a vibrator, tit clamps, or an anal stimulator.
Don’t forget to check in with your partner from time to time. Ask for some feedback and direction. Do you like this? Or do you like this better? Never presume to know what your partner likes simply because he or she liked it before, this is a recipe for boredom and the dreaded bed death. If words fail you, SHOW your partner what you want. Then encourage your partner to do the same to you.
Sex play is not about pressing the right buttons in the right order. It is about understanding what makes your partner tick and supplying and applying those things to their greatest sensual advantage. There are many ways to give your partner extreme pleasure, and it all begins in your brain. Sex play is as much of an art form as it is a necessity.
Finally, the basic premise behind all of this is that a great lover is one that gives pleasure because it is its own reward, not a means to getting something else.
Good luck ya’ll
Hey sex fans! Welcome back.
That internationally famous sexologist, sex educator, author, relationship expert, advice columnist, and television and radio personality Dr. Yvonne Fulbright is back with us today for Part 2 of her turn on the SEX WISDOM show. And that means I get to ask her all the questions I didn’t get to last week. So yay for that!
But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this show, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #389 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.
Yvonne and I discuss:
- Sex coach/sex therapy;
- Sexual performance concerns for women — preorgasmia;
- Performance anxiety;
- Sexual performance concerns for men — premature ejaculation;
- Masturbation and self-pleasuring;
- Expanding our sexual repertoire;
- Sex trends — circumcision;
- Erection enhancers;
- The G-spot debate;
- Sex play;
- Who inspires her and her sexual heroes.
Click on the book covers below for more information about Yvonne’s books.
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!
Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.
Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: SPUNK Lube.
Hey sex fans,
We feature a brand new toy company in today’s edition of Product Review Friday. Join me in welcoming Made To Pleasure, a brilliant boutique manufacturing house located in London. . We are delighted to have this truly unique company join us in our mission of bringing you news of innovation in the adult product marketplace. You will be hearing a lot more about Made To Pleasure in the coming weeks, because they sent us three different toys for review.
Today Dr Dick Review Crew members, Kevin & Gina are on hand to tell us about the first for these toys.
The Pearl —— £95.00
Gina & Kevin
Gina: “After the recent epic fail of one of our favorite vibes, (you can read about that HERE). Kevin and I were so happy to turn our attention to a pleasure product that is stunningly elegant in its simplicity. We are elated to share with you the Pearl just one of the beautiful designs from the up and coming boutique toy company, Made To Pleasure.”
Kevin: “So true! The Made To Pleasure company got my attention immediately for the clever play on words that is their company name. But it also describes them to a tee. You see, you can actually design your own toy (made to order) or choose from the classic designs already created. You simply can’t get more accommodating than that.”
Gina: “I love the idea that anyone of us could design a unique toy for ourselves by simply using the design template on their site. I had fun just playing around with their design tool. Mmm, ‘design tool’, that sounds dirty!”
Kevin: “The Pearl also introduces us to a completely new material — acrylic (aka Lucite). We’ve not seen anything like this before. At first glance, one would guess the crystal-clear Pearl is glass. But it’s not. It shares a lot of the same properties as a quality glass pleasure product, but acrylic is lighter. And for the truly decadent among us, you can order a 99.9% pure gold and silver-plated design.”
Gina: “Yeah, wouldn’t that be spectacular! The Pearl comes in a stylish embossed black matte gift box. Inside the box you’ll find the Pearl wrapped, yet again, in black crêpe paper lying on a swath of black felt. It is tied in place with a satin ribbon. The presentation is dramatically chic; yet all of the packaging components are biodegradable. Very Nice; very smart!”
Kevin: “The Pearl also comes with a bullet vibe and three watch-sized batteries. You can use it apart from the Pearl, as a stand-alone clit vibe. Or you could attach it to the Pearl to make the whole dildo vibrate. We tried both methods. We attached the vibe to the Pearl using one of my silicone cockrings, although I suppose you could use a rubber band just as well!”
Gina: “Frankly, I found the bullet was a nuisance, both as a stand-alone vibe or attached to the dildo. There’s no need to gild this lily. I preferred to use the Pearl by its beautiful self. The gradually increasing (or decreasing) ridges provided me with all the sensations I needed. I say increasing or decreasing, because the Pearl is a double-header. You can use either end. And add to this the delightful feature that the Pearl can be chilled and warmed for added sensations; well I was in heaven. Oh, and you can use any sort of lube you’d like on this beauty.”
Kevin: “I’ve used the Pearl on myself too. So I have a bone to pick with the company’s mission statement. They write ’Made To Pleasure’s raison d’etre is simple – to bring the ultimate pleasure to women through toys that are beautiful to look at, and a pleasure to use.’ Really? Your toys are just for women? What are we, all the men out here, chopped liver? I mean, come on; why be so exclusive? Men have been using dildos for just as long as women have.”
Gina: “Yeah, why the exclucivity? I think it’s great that you are appealing primarily to women. Your site is lovely and sensual, but I agree with Kevin. In this day and age, do we really have to discriminate?”
Kevin: “After all the Pearl is made to be shared. Because it’s acrylic, it’s nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. There are no seams; it’s totally waterproof so it’s easily cleaned. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution as I see fit.”
Gina: “However, unlike glass, you can’t toss the Pearl in the dishwasher or boil it. So be aware of that. But with proper care, it will last a lifetime.”
Full Review HERE!
Hey sex fans,
Holy Cow, we’re on the cusp of another change in the seasons. Where does the time go? Happy Autumnal Equinox, northern hemisphere folks! And happy Vernal Equinox, southern hemisphere folks!
I don’t know about you but I’ve like totally jonesin’ for another fix of The Erotic Mind
podcast series. It’s seems like it’s been ages since the episode. We had such an exciting summer of shows that took us pretty far a field from where the series started. We visited with an artist who creates her erotica with the spoke word; one that creates his erotica with photography and rope; and another artist who creates her erotica with her own body through burlesque.
But today we return to home base and visit with an artist who creates his erotica with the written word. I have the pleasure of introducing you to the enormously talented author and editor, M. Christian. He is probably the most prolific author we’ve met to date. And besides his big fat uncut writing talent, he is also a sheer joy to chat with.
As a special treat, M. Christian will share a mouth-watering selection of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. You do not want miss this, people!
M. Christian and I discuss:
- A shout out to our mutual friend Jeremy Edwards;
- Being a ridiculously prolific writer and editor, a literary streetwalker with a heart of gold;
- Contributing to lots of interesting anthologies;
- His first story published in 1993;
- Writing or editing, his preference and why;
- His writing voice being different from his speaking voice;
- Playing with his identity;
- Who is M. Christian.
As a special treat,M. Christian will share a mouth-watering selection of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. You do not want miss this, people!
(click on the thumbnails to get more information about these volumes)
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!
Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.
Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.
DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!
Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.
Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.