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First Q&A Show of 2013 — Podcast #360 — 01/21/13


Hey sex fans,black tie

Alrighty then! It’s time for our first Q&A show for the New Year. I have a whole bunch of very interesting correspondents vying for their moment in the sunshine, so to speak. Each one is ready to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

  • John is horny as hell and wants to jack off with other guys. I turn him on to Bateworld.
  • Rocky is gettin’ pounded pretty hard, afterward he can’t pee.
  • Holly hasn’t had a date in 48 years. She’s having problems connecting with a good man.
  • Brian is lookin’ to zap his hole.
  • Conner thinks his BF is jerkin off too much.
  • Michael has crystal dick.
  • Lili describes, in great detail, her sex life with her hubby.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: The Perfect Fit Brand!

A Rose By Any Other Name

We’re all back from spring break. The Dr Dick Review Crew is all rested and relaxed. Sadly, I can’t say the same thing about me. oh well, no rest for the wicked.

Doc:

I enjoy your podcast, the frankness and open vocabulary is exactly what I like. No need in beating around the bush, just get to the point. Wish more people would live by that philosophy.

Ok. I am a 45 YO, gay male, very experienced sexually, some say whore… LOL! I enjoy a lot of fetishes; the unusual has always been very attractive to me. The more bizarre the more I will probably like it.

Until I was about 40 I was a DOM top. I started experimenting with the group party world and enjoyed it greatly. Became an experienced fisting top with some formal training, I guess you could call it an apprentice who graduated, or so I thought. Then a few of the FF bottoms suggested I was missing something. Because I didn’t have any experience as a FF bottom I couldn’t realize the true feelings and emotions involved with fisting. I was encouraged to experience fisting as a bottom.

This was a HUGE ordeal for me. The mental change alone was like, wow. The first time I crawled into a sling and had my whole ass on display, legs spread like a woman at her gynecologist…man was I uncomfortable. This was 5 years ago. Now I can hop into a sling and take a fist-fuck fairly easy. I now understand the advice given to me: I finally understand what fisting is all about.

Now my issues.

I have changed. My whole personality has been altered. Changing from a Dominate Top to fisting bottom has created issues with my head and overall sexuality. These changes are now affecting my sex life. I guess I need some help figuring things out.

Thanks,
Jimmy

Thank you, Jimmy, for your message and your kind words about my podcasts.

We really get boxed in with all our self-identification we do, huh? I mean I know why we categorize ourselves and others as gay or straight, top or bottom, sub or Dom. It helps us understand ourselves and communicate in a kind of shorthand with others. But there is a downside to this, as you suggest.sex sling

I believe that human sexual response is a whole lot more fluid than we give it credit for. But this fluidity is often stifled when we overly compartmentalize ourselves or others. Not to mention the fallacy of the binary system — being one thing or the other.  It just ain’t so and you are the perfect case in point.

I’m always talking about how the best tops are those who, on occasion, bottom. The best submissives are those who, on occasion, dominate. Besides the wider range of experience this provides us, we also grow in emotional maturity encompassing both our yin and yang.

Also the words we use to describe ourselves have, over time, become heavily laden with unintended cultural connotations. Top/bottom, sub/Dom are classic examples of this. That’s why I believe that we ought, from time to time, reinvent the language we use to talk about ourselves. In this case, I prefer terms like: giver/receiver over top/bottom. A change in vocabulary can certainly cut through a lot of the cultural nonsense and it can open the door to a more fluid sexual expression; as I believe it ought to be.nekkidbookclub

I hasten to add that at lot of hard-core pervs disagree with me on this. And that’s perfectly fine with me. It’s just that, if our language detracts from our experience, or hems us in, rather than facilitates it, and frees us up, something’s out of whack.

You will pardon the shameless self-promotion, but I’d like to call your attention to my latest book, The Gospel of Kink. It’s a communication and relationship building workshop in workbook form. It centers on the skills us kinksters need to communicate with others, and initiate, build, and maintain the relationships that will serve us well. Learn how to ask for what you want and get what you ask for from the people best situated to fulfill your desires. The book covers a lot of the territory that you raise in your question.

Stay in touch and let me know how this sits with you.

Good luck

And baby makes…four

Name: Dustin
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Location: San Francisco
I am a 35-year-old well-adjusted gay man. My husband of 6 years and I want to have a baby. Our best friend, a straight woman, also wants to get pregnant, but she wants to get pregnant the old-fashioned way, if ya know what I mean.
Unlike a lot of other gay men I know, I’ve never had sex with a woman. I’m like totally up for doin the deed, but let’s just say I haven’t a clue on how to begin. I feel like I’m in high school facing sex for the first time. Even though I’m gay, I don’t think vaginas are scary. I just don’t know what to do. You would think these things would come naturally to us all. I don’t want to appear like a bumbling fool on our conception night. I don’t have anyone else to ask about this. Can you give me a quick tutorial on how to proceed? Thanks.

This is so adorable; it’s like a real life episode of Modern Family, don’t cha know. And yeah, I do know what you mean when you say — “she wants to do it the old fashioned way.” I wasn’t born yesterday.father & son

It’s interesting to me that you make the analogy between your current situation and that of a guy in high school who is faced with, no pun intended, the prospect of gettin’ lucky for the very first time. It’s interesting, because it’s basically the same situation. And no, I wouldn’t agree with your assumption that this comes naturally to anyone. Just because the prevailing genders have complimentary parts, don’t make the coming together of those people or those parts naturally easy.

And it’s good to hear that you don’t have an aversion to vaginas as some gay men do. However, not having an aversion to and being attracted to something is certainly not the same thing. Most first time heterosexual coupling is awkward. Neither person is particularly familiar with the intimate workings of their partner’s parts. What they don’t have in experience; they do often make up for in passion. And that can and does cover a multitude of sins, so to speak.

lovers014

But even when there’s passion, most straight women report that their first full-on fucking sexual encounter was a major disappointment. They report that their partner didn’t take the time to warm them up properly; they didn’t get off, like their male partners did; and the whole blasted thing ended much too quickly.

There’s a lesson in this for you, Dustin. I’m glad that you are, as you say, “totally up for doin’ the deed.” But one would hope that there will be more to this conception than you just doing your duty. Wouldn’t it be grand for both of you if you actually knew how to pleasure a woman before you jumped your best gal-pal’s bones to plant your seed? The same is true for her. Wouldn’t it be grand if she knew what buttons to push on you to raise the flag and get your juices flowing, so to speak, as it were.

I suggest you do some homework. Take all the time you need to educate yourself about the female anatomy before you take your ride. My I suggest that you spend a whole lot of time on one of my favorite sites that deals with female sexuality — Clitical.com. You will be amazed by how much you can learn by paying attention to what women tell each other about their sexuality.makin' babies

And then, even though you may be all boned up, so to speak, on female sexuality in general; you’re gonna need to spend some time with your gal-pal discussing her particular sexual response cycle. There is absolutely no substitution for first-hand knowledge. Why not ask her to take you for a little tactile tour of her pussy and all the truly amazing points of interest therein and around. Ask her how she likes her sex. I guarantee you that she does have a preference. This oughtn’t be a whole lot different than if you were talking to a new prospective male partner. All the things you might ask him about what he likes and what he doesn’t are much the same things you’ll ask your gal-pal. By the way, this show of interest will surely take the edge off your first encounter.

Finally, I wish to add that you will probably find that your first attempt to get pregnant won’t be successful. You may discover that it’ll take several pokes to get the “job” done. To give yourselves the best shot at impregnation I suggest you guys turn your attention to:  Gettingpregnant.com.  This is your one-stop resource for everything you need to know about getting knocked up.

Good luck

The Back to School 2013 Q&A Show — Podcast #388 — 09/04/13


Hey sex fans,fakein' it

Alrighty then! As I promised, I have a swell Q&A show in store for you today. I have a whole bunch of very interesting correspondents vying for their moment in the sun, so to speak. Each one is ready to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

But, before we get to that, I want to acknowledge three recent donation to the upkeep of this site. The donations come from: Peter of Knoxville, TN with a contribution of $25, Annie of Chicago, IL, my hometown, with a contribution of $25, and Terrence of Santa Barbara, CA with a contribution of $50. Thank you all!

  • First, a couple general announcements: website redesign and a word about The Gospel of Kink.
  • Some guy wants to know if it’s ok to have annual (anal??) sex on a daily basis.
  • Matt jerks off using women’s panties.  He wants to know if I think he’s gay?
  • Selena is really getting into her boobs and nipples.
  • Finally, another one of my outstanding sexual enrichment tutorials: Six Reasons Why Women Don’t Enjoy Sex.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

 

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

CLITERACY

Sophia Wallace on CLITERACY

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