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The Erotic Mind of Jezza Smilez — Podcast #269 — 03/28/11

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Hey sex fans,

Today I have the distinct pleasure of introducing you to one of the most charming and delightful people I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing. He is the fantastic artist, Jezza Smilez. I know you will love getting to know him (and his artwork) as much as I have.

Jezza is here as part of The Erotic Mind series, don’t cha know. I’ve been presenting these conversations with noted erotic artists, both visual and literary, from all over the freakin world for over three years now. They are presented as a means of uncovering something of the creative process involved in this specialized art form. And Jezza does not disappoint. He is very insightful and so forthcoming. It is truly a joy being in his company.

Jezza and I discuss:

  • His interviews with other artists that he posts on his site;
  • The common ground he shares with his fellow erotic artists;
  • His early life, stint in the military, being a cop and travels in Australia;
    Being a child artist;
  • When the erotic element began to show up in his work;
  • His nom de plume;
  • The distinction, if any, between being an artist and an illustrator;
  • His superior erotic imagination.

Be sure to check out Jezza and his delicious artwork on his site HERE!  He’s on Facebook too. Find him HERE!

(Click on the thumbnails below to see a slideshow of some of Jezza’s artwork.)

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BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

drdickvod.jpg

Where the sun don’t shine

Hey sex fans,

It’s another edition of Product Review Friday cumin your way. And we have a swell toy for your bum to tell you about. It cums to us directly from the manufacturer, Nexus.

Review crew members, Ken & Denise, are here to show you around.

Nexus Excel Prostate Massager —— $57.24

Ken & Denise
Denise: “The Excel is the third Nexus product the Review Crew has reviewed so far. There are more coming up too! You can find all our Nexus reviews HERE.”
Ken: “The Excel has this fantastic shape; is made of phthalate-free hard plastic; and it comes in three colors. We have the black one. I have to say that I am partial to silicone toys; there’s a warmth to them that hard plastic doesn’t have. Silicone toys also have a ‘give’ to them that the Excel surely doesn’t have. But now that I’ve tried both, I can say that the hard plastic, Excel has a charm all its own.”
Denise: “I totally agree. In fact, I was surprised to discover that it was hard plastic and not silicone. It sure looks like silicone through its clear plastic minimal packaging. There is one obvious benefit to hard plastic over silicone; you can use whatever line of lube you prefer, even a silicone-based lube. You can’t do that with a fine silicone toy. And because the hard plastic Excel is nonporous and waterproof, it is easy to clean and sanitize too. This makes it the perfect toy to share.”
Ken: “Absolutely! Also, because you can sanitize it you can use it both anally and vaginally. Of course, never go from one hole to the other without sanitizing it. Denise thinks it rocks as a G-spot massager.”
Denise: “True! But here’s the thing; the Excel package says it’s a G-spot massager, but it also says that the unique stainless steel rollerball stimulator massages the perineum. There’s no way the rollerball comes anywhere close to my perineum when I’m stimulating my G-spot.”
Ken: “Yeah, I was confused by that too. Then we discovered that Nexus uses the term G-spot interchangeably with the P-spot, which is really your prostate. I don’t get it, but maybe I’m missing something.”
Denise: “It’s got to be confusing for many more people than us, right?”
Ken: “If you are new to ass play, you’ll want to keep in mind that you need a lot of lube for any insertions. And you should also know that the Excel is probably not for the anal novice. It’s very light, but pretty girthy. But if you have some practice with anal toys this baby will fill you up. The shaft is just under 4” long, and it has a circumference of 1.57” at its widest point.”
Denise: “The unusual shape of the Excel allows you to wear it like a butt plug. Your ass sphincter closes down on the last ridge of the shaft, which keeps it in place. You should know that this thing doesn’t vibrate or anything like that, so there are no batteries to run down. Rather it massages your P-spot (if you’re a guy) by rocking on it, or walking around with it in place.”
Ken: “Denise mentioned the rollerball stimulator. Well this thing pops out of its hard plastic nest for cleaning purposes. The Excel comes with this little tool to do just that. You can drop the two pieces, rollerball and hard plastic everything else into a pot of boiling water to sanitize.  Or if you’re real lazy like us, you can simply add it to the dishwasher.”
Denise: “My advice is to warm up your ass before using any toy. We like to relax our sphincter muscles with our fingers, before toy insertion. This also keeps me in touch, nu pun intended with my ass, which is a good thing.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY

Forbidden Fruit Redo

And now, by request, a popular column I wrote several years ago. This is for you, Armand.

What is it about things we’re not supposed to have, or even think about, that make them so tantalizing? In a sex-negative culture like our own, where sexual roles and gender expectations are so buttoned down, where much of the vast array of healthy human sexual expression is proscribed. It’s no wonder we often feel compelled to deny who we are or turn ourselves inside out to avoid the conspicuous. Two correspondents come immediately to mind.

Doc,
Like I’m totally straight, right. But my roommate is gay. He’s hot and all with a great body and he’s this total sex addict. Sometimes I hear him pounding ass through the wall. When he’s drunk he tells me about the guys he’s fucking and it’s like all this really nasty stuff.
I’m like totally not into cock or anything, but I can’t help but wonder how it would feel to touch one. I see my roommate naked all the time. He’s like this total exhibitionist. Sometimes he even has a piss hardon in the morning. Nasty!
I don’t pay much attention, but I sometimes just want to reach out and grab his thing just to see what he would say. I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea. If my GF ever found out she’d freak. So do you think my roommate would mind if I copped a feel? It’s not like it isn’t already hanging out and stuff. Do you think he’d rat on me to my GF?
— Curious

Like you are so totally NOT straight, dude. You are like the biggest closeted flamer in the whole wide world. You’re just itching for the opportunity to smoke yourself some pole, but you can’t admit it. Hmmm, sounds like several prominent Republicans I know…but I digress.

Like I’ll bet you totally jerk off while your hot roommate is pounding ass next door. And I think your GF is this pathetic beard too.

She’s got her eye on you, don’t ‘cha know. She knows that if she turns her back for just one minute, you’d be taking it up the poop-shoot before she can say “Friend of Dorothy”.

Let’s face it; you want your GF to find out about your secret obsession. BTW, what kind of self-respecting straight chick dates a closet case like you anyway? I mean, like how could your roommate rat you out when everyone already has your number? Darlin’, when you find out you’re a big fat homo, everyone will know.

Dude, like you are totally gonna grab your roommates package one of these days real soon, regardless of what I say or what he may think about you doing it. Like you are totally self-deluded about not caring that he walks around the house sporting a giant boner. And that shit you’re trying to feed me about being scandalized by his nasty exploits, that’s like totally obvious too. Me thinks you doth protest too much.

Listen up! If your roommate is a nice guy, and you aren’t the total skulking dweeb you appear to be. And if you have the balls to come clean with your roommate about your true identity. And he’s hasn’t pounded any ass in the past 12 hours. And if he’s feeling really generous, and you ask him real nice; Yes, I think there is a slim chance he’ll bone you big time. It will, of course, be a mercy fuck for sure, but at least you’ll finally know total bliss.

Like, totally go for it, dude. Sheesh!

These postings are brought to you by


And then there’s this…

Hey Doctor Dick,
I got more of a story than a question. I’m a gay. Kinda average looks, kinda big, kinda burly and I really dig sex. Problem is, cuz I don’t look like your typical fag, all gym buff and everything, I’m not gettin laid like I should. I’ve tried everything, online personals, internet chat rooms, phone hook up lines, everything. WTF?
While I’m online lookin for a hookup, I start to notice something that blows me away. There are a lot of queers lookin to hookup with straight guys. At first I’m thinkin, dudes this is fucked up. There are all these homos out there, like me for example, who ain’t gettin their share and you wanna suck off a straight dude? Fuck!
Now I’m gettin all depressed. Ok, so then I try this little experiment. Next time I’m online, I post an ad like always, same stats same everything, only this time I say I’m straight. Damn if I don’t get hit up by a half dozen guys right away. Guys that wouldn’t have given me the time of day when I was “gay”.
I decide to go for it, like now I just want to see if I can pull this shit off. Guess what, I got the best sex I ever had. I turned guys away even. This is really messin with my head, but I’m gettin some really fine ass so I ain’t complaining…too much.
I decide to really get into this. I start sayin things like my girlfriend can’t suck dick for shit and I got this five day load of straight man spunk hold up for some faggot cocksucker. I can barely keep a straight face, no pun intended.
I put this picture of my sister in a frame by my bed and tell all my tricks she’s my girlfriend. I’ve even got this chick at work to join in the fun and call me when some dude’s blowin me. I have her start raggin’ on me like some real girlfriend and then she wants to know what that sound is in the background. This fuckin drives my trick wild, cuz he thinks he gettin authentic straight man dick. BTW, the chick from work thinks it’s a riot.
This works for sure. Fags are so gullible, it’s fuckin Incredible. But I worry cuz I want a boyfriend and this isn’t gonna get me one. Even if one of my tricks turns out to be the man of my dreams, I couldn’t respect him or trust him knowing he’s tryin to make straight guys.
— Scott

What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive! All this just to get laid, Scott? Holy Cow!

While the good doctor is truly entertained by your delightful story, he is as depressed as you to learn the lengths a gay man has to go to these days just to get another gay man to suck his dick. I don’t recall it being so convoluted when I was a younger man.

The good doctor also concurs with your statement that you’ll probably not find a BF this way. And I’d like to point out the obvious. What’s with this bullshit double standard you have? You say you couldn’t respect or trust any guy who is out trying to make straight guys. Yet you don’t call yourself on the mammoth deception you practice. Curious how we can point out the sliver in another man’s eye when while we still have a plank in our own.

You do, however, get extra points for your creativity. I love the touch of having the chick from work call you while you are in flagrante delicto. That’s beautiful. A+.

Good luck

A Spring Q&A Show — Podcast #268 — 03/21/11

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

Hey everybody, Happy Vernal Equinox! It’s the first day of SPRING, at lest it is here in the northern hemisphere. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see the end of winter. The Pacific Northwest is finally waking up to the new season and there are loads of beautiful spring flowers, longer days and warmer weather ahead and all appears right with the world

Ok, so maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. The world is sure-enough not so right for lots of people, including the sexually worrisome out there, don’t cha know. But that’s why I’m here! This is my first Q&A show since Valentine’s Day so I have a bunch of very interesting questions and some snappy answers to dazzle you with today.

  • Rod is clueless about oral sex. He need some pointers on tongue lashing his GF.
  • Pushpendra and a shit load of other guys, just like him, have a short fuse.
  • Ozboy is letting his fears and anxiety overrule his cock.
  • Rick wants to know about sounds and urethra play.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode

A Tool For A Dude

Hey sex fans,

Today is Friday and since we didn’t post a review last week, we’re super stoked to post one today.

And this week’s review is special in as much as it presents a product that came to us in an unorthodox way.  Usually we get our products from a manufacturer or a retailer, but this week’s toy comes to us by way of a friend of Dr Dick Review Crew members, Glenn & Hank.

Perhaps a little background is in order. Everyone on the Review Crew and I have had a jones for the Njoy toy line.  The first time I saw their toys I was hot to go. So I immediately set about gettin us some for review. First, I contacted the Njoy folks directly. They totally blew me off. Next, I requested one or another of the toys from our numerous retail affiliates, no luck there either. So I thought to myself, ok fine, be that way. We can do with out your stinkin toys anyway.

Then a couple of weeks ago Glenn & Hank contacted me and told me they scored an Njoy toy and wanted to write about it. I immediately agreed. I’ll let them pick up the story from there.

Njoy Eleven —— $300.00

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “So one of our dyke friends calls me on the phone and tells me she wants to turn me on to one of her sex toys. I’m immediately suspicious because this chick is the queen of sex toys and she’s not the sharin’ kind. So I ask her, what’s up? She tells me she recently plunked down over 300-smackers for this stainless steel dildo. So now my interest is really piqued.”
Hank: “Yeah, he was like beside himself at the prospect of getting a $300 toy to shove in his ass.”
Glenn: “What can I say; I’m a connoisseur! So a couple of days later our friend shows up with a virtually brand new Njoy Eleven. I said, ‘holy shit, girlfriend; what gives?’ She says she can’t use the blasted thing, because it’s uncomfortable in her hand and it’s not the super-duper G-spot toy she expected it to be. I said, ‘damn, hand it over!” And that’s how I got this coveted Njoy Eleven.”
Hank: “I gotta say, the fuckin thing is amazing. And I love the way it fits in my hand. I guess it’s more of a dude’s toy than a chick toy. It is 11” long, thus the clever name, made of solid stainless steel and weighs in at a hefty 2.75 lbs. This thing could easily be mistaken for a weapon.”
Glenn: “Yeah, a weapon of ass destruction! And it’s a doubleheader. One end is slightly smaller than the other at 1.75” in diameter; the bigger end is 2” diameter. I love them both.”
Hank: “The shaft on the smaller end has a series of ridges. The shaft on the larger end is smooth as a baby’s ass. It’s a complete turn-on to see one or the other end of this thing disappear in Glenn’s talented ass.”
Glenn: “And the Njoy Eleven isn’t just for fun, no siree! This is a serious kegel exerciser. While I have the smaller end up my hole, I work my PC muscles to keep my ass in tip-top condition. The weight of the Njoy Eleven gives me a serious workout and a fantastic prostate massage to boot. And when Hank uses it on me, I’m fuckin in heaven.”
Hank: “The Njoy Eleven is compatible with whatever lube you got handy — oil-based, silicone-based, water-based you name it.”
Glenn: “I prefer a silicone-based lube. It makes a stainless steel toy, like this, slick as shit. Even with just a dab of lube there’s never any dragging or pulling. And you can kick it up a notch by warming or cooling the Njoy Eleven. I love being blindfolded and being surprised when Hank teases my ass with something hot, or cold.
Hank: “He’s so easy to please! And look, the Njoy Eleven comes in this really she-she black leather purse.”
Glenn: “I think it’s called a clutch.”
Hank: “Whatever! At any rate, it’s a pretty damned classy presentation. But then again it better, because don’t forget this thing costs $300. Which makes the Njoy Eleven the most expensive toy the Dr Dick Review Crew has ever reviewed.”
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY