List of Sex Hormones in Females and Males

By Serenity Mirabito RN, OCN 

Sex hormones are chemicals responsible for reproduction and sexual desire. Common female sex hormones include estrogen and progesterone, while testosterone is abundant in most males.

Sex hormones are produced by the ovaries, testes, endocrine system, and adrenal glands. Menstruation, age, and certain medical conditions can cause fluctuations in sex hormones. Females and males can balance sex hormones through hormone deprivation or replacement therapy.

This article will review sex hormone production, function, and ways to achieve hormonal balance.

Sex vs. Gender

This article uses the terms “male” and “female” as labels referring to a person’s chromosomal, anatomical, or biological makeup without regard to which gender or genders they identify with.

Where Are Sex Hormones Produced?

Females and males have different sex hormones. However, they do share some of the same ones but each with different functions.

Females

The main hormones that contribute to sexual health and desire in females are estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Although the ovaries are responsible for most female sex hormones, other tissues can also produce them. These include:1

  • Estrogen (estradiol, estrone, estriol): Although made primarily by the ovaries, estrogen is also produced by the adrenal glands and adipose (fat) tissue.
  • Progesterone: Besides the ovaries, progesterone is produced by the adrenal cortex, corpus luteum, and placenta.
  • Testosterone: Although more abundant in males, testosterone is also essential in females. Testosterone is made in small amounts by the ovaries and adrenal glands.

Males

Androgens are the main sex hormones produced by males. Androgens are responsible for male characteristics and reproduction. Several types of androgens are made in the male body, which include:1

  • Testosterone: Produced in the Leydig cells of the testes and small amounts in the adrenal gland.
  • Dihydrotestosterone (DHT): In adults, about 10% of testosterone is metabolized into DHT by the enzyme 5-alpha reductase. A rise in DHT levels initiates puberty in younger males.
  • Estrogen: This hormone plays a vital role in males. In addition to being produced by the testes, the enzyme aromatase converts testosterone into estrogen.2

Function of Each Sex Hormone

Sex hormones are not only responsible for sexuality and fertility but also are crucial for the growth and development of muscles and organs.1 Additionally, sex hormones help prevent medical conditions such as cardiovascular disease and bone deterioration.

Growth and Development

Estrogen is responsible for the sexual and reproductive development of females. Breast development, pubic and armpit hair, and the start of menstruation are all influenced by estrogen.1

Progesterone contributes to a healthy uterine lining for the implantation and growth of a fertilized egg.3 Progesterone is also essential for maintaining pregnancy and reducing bleeding and miscarriage.

Testosterone and DHT initiate puberty in young males.1 These hormones are responsible for penile and testicular growth, growth in height, and facial hair growth.

Arousal

Estrogen and testosterone are the main hormones affecting arousal and sexual desire. In females, the menstrual cycle causes fluctuations in sex hormones, resulting in feeling more aroused just before ovulation, when estrogen levels are at their highest.4

High levels of progesterone, however, can cause a decrease in sexual desire. Although testosterone may increase libido in some females, estrogen is the primary sex hormone linked to female sexual desire.4

In males, testosterone levels correlate to male libido. Age, obesity, and hypogonadism decrease testosterone, thereby reducing sexual arousal.

Organ Health

Estrogen and testosterone are important in preserving muscle strength as you age. In the first year of menopause, for example, about 80% of a female’s estrogen is lost, resulting in significant muscle loss and frailty.

Decreased estrogen levels can lead to osteoporosis (decrease in bone mass and density) and increased risk of cardiovascular events. Testosterone improves cachexia (complicated metabolic syndrome characterized by muscle mass loss) in cancer and other inflammatory-based conditions.5

Immune System

One study showcased how sex hormones influence immune system cells. Androgens (testosterone and DHT) and progesterone boost an immunosuppressive response (improving autoimmune disorders), while estrogen strengthens humoral immunity (the body’s ability to fight infection). However, more research is needed.6

Mood and Brain Function

Research continues to prove that sex hormones affect the entire brain. Depression, memory loss, brain plasticity, and mood disorders result from decreasing estrogen levels. Cognitive impairment during menopause has been shown to improve with estrogen treatment and may protect against stroke damage, Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease.7

How Sex Hormones Fluctuate

Hormone fluctuation is normal in both sexes. Premenopausal females will experience hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle. Estrogen and progesterone levels are low just before the start of menstruation but are higher around ovulation. As females age, sex hormone levels drop, leading to menopause.8

In males, testosterone levels are highest in the morning and decrease throughout the day. Testosterone decreases at 1% to 3% yearly between 35 and 40.5

Sex Hormone Disorders

Sex hormone disorders can affect physical and mental quality of life. In some instances, they can even be deadly. Types of sex hormone disorders include:

  • Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): Due to falling levels of estrogen and progesterone 10 to 14 days before menstruation, severe depression and anxiety can be experienced by some females. PMDD affects approximately 5% of premenopausal females.9
  • Menopause: Females 45 to 55 will begin to notice the inevitable symptoms of decreasing estrogen and progesterone levels. Brain fog, reduced muscle mass, and hot flashes are common symptoms of menopause.10
  • Erectile dysfunction (ED): As testosterone levels fade with age, having and maintaining an erection can be difficult. ED usually occurs in men over age 50.11
  • Hyperestrogenism (high estrogen levels): Too much estrogen can cause certain types of cancer, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and infertility.
  • Hyperandrogenism (high androgen levels): Too much testosterone can cause PCOS, hirsutism, acne, male-pattern baldness, menstrual irregularities, infertility, and virilization.

Can You Balance Sex Hormones?

Understanding the cause of sex hormone imbalances is essential to creating a treatment plan. If the sex hormone imbalance is due to a medical condition, then treating that condition should be considered. If the hormonal imbalance is due to aging or there is no treatment for the cause, then the following options could help improve sex hormone imbalances.

  • Lifestyle: Eating a well-balanced diet, exercising, maintaining a healthy weight, eliminating alcohol use, and getting enough sleep can impact hormone levels in a positive way.12
  • Herbs and supplements: Some herbs and supplements claim to restore hormonal balance. Nigella sativa could increase estrogen levels, improving the symptoms of menopause.13
  • Hormone therapy (HT): Replacing estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone with synthetic (human-made) forms can help increase low levels of sex hormones. HT can be given as oral medication, patches, creams, vaginal suppositories, subdermal pellets, or injections. Birth control is a form of hormone therapy. HRT is also a vital part of gender-affirming care.14
  • Hormone deprivation therapy: Some medications block hormones, reducing the effects of having too much of a particular hormone. Aromatase inhibitors, for example, prevent estrogen production, and gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs and antagonists are used to block estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs are used to pause puberty in youths undergoing gender-affirming care.14

If you’re experiencing symptoms of sex hormone imbalances, talk to a healthcare provider about having a sex hormone blood test done to help identify potential imbalances.

Summary

Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and dihydrotestosterone (DHT) are sex hormones in males and females. Sex hormones are important in reproduction, fertility, sexual desire, and overall health. Sex hormones fluctuate with the menstrual cycle and with age.

There are several ways you can balance sex hormones, including lifestyle changes and medications. Talk to a healthcare provider if you believe you’re experiencing symptoms of a sex hormone imbalance.

Complete Article HERE!

Silver daddies

— Why do young adult men like older partners?

By Sachintha Wickramasinghe

You’ve probably heard of “sugar daddies.” Or “the internet’s daddy,” Pedro Pascal. Stereotypes of this popular term abound, but what does it actually mean to be a “daddy”? And who is most likely to engage in age-gap relationships, and why?

Daddies of a Different Kind, published today by UBC sociologist and assistant professor Dr. Tony Silva (he/him), analyzes the stories of gay and bisexual daddies and asks why younger adult men are interested in older men for sex and relationships.

We spoke to Dr. Silva about his findings.

What is a daddy and why were you interested in studying them?

sugar daddies,Daddies of a Different Kind,daddy,queer relationships,queer men,homosexual relationships
Front cover of Dr. Tony Silva’s new book, Daddies of a Different Kind.

Many people think of a daddy as a desirable, confident older man who may be paired with a younger partner. The term has gained popularity in recent years, and while it is used in the context of heterosexual, gay or bisexual relationships, research across the Western world shows that age-gap relationships are far more prevalent among gay and bisexual men than any other group. I was interested in finding out why, and learning more about the older men who identify or are perceived as daddies, and what it means to them.

For this book, I interviewed men in their twenties and thirties who partnered with older men, and men in their forties through late sixties who partnered with younger adult men in their twenties and thirties. Some of the older men actively identified as daddies, while others did not necessarily identify that way, but still fulfilled a daddy role and were aware that others saw them as daddies.

What does it mean to be a daddy?

For many of the older men I spoke to, being a daddy was not just about age and sexual and romantic partnerships, but also a sense of responsibility, mentorship and guidance.

As daddies, they saw themselves as providing emotional support, wisdom and life experience to their younger partners: whether that means helping younger adult men figure out career paths, how to come out, or how to integrate into gay and bisexual communities.

For many older men, it was also a point of pride and self-worth, as they felt that their age and experience made them more attractive and desirable to younger men.

The youngest daddy I interviewed was 43, and in general, men started seeing themselves as daddies in their 40s. Contrary to the popular stereotype of older men going after younger guys, it was often younger men who approached them on dating apps once they had silver hair or had other physical markers of aging, and that really sparked their transformation into a daddy.

What do the younger men get out these age-gap relationships?

Some of the reasons why the younger adult men pursued age-gap relationships included a preference for emotionally mature partners, finding older men physically attractive and a desire to learn from older men. Many of the younger adult men also found age-gap pairings sexually exciting and emotionally fulfilling and were drawn by the idea of having a mentor or role model in their partner.

Whether gay or straight, age-gap relationships can involve a power difference. How did the men you spoke to navigate that?

In most cases, there was a sense of responsibility the older men felt to make sure they treated younger adult men with a particular care and made sure they didn’t disadvantage the younger adult man in any way. In contrast to what many people assume, I found little evidence of widespread power differences that harmed either the younger or older men.

For many men, these cross-generational connections between adults seem like they’re a major part of what it means to be a gay or bisexual man today. According to some demographic research I’m currently working on, it looks like these relationships are actually becoming more common, not less.

But there’s still a lot of stigma and misinterpretation around age-gap relationships, so even though many of the men I spoke to were openly gay or bisexual, they don’t always talk about their age-gap relationships outside of other LGBT groups. This research helps us move beyond stereotypes.

Complete Article HERE!

How To Deal With ‘Vanilla Shaming’

—Because No One Should Be Made To Feel Bad About Enjoying Non-Kinky Sex

By

Cultural narratives around sex and sexual preferences have long been weaponized to make people feel embarrassed or ashamed of what they like. Indeed, the history of sex-negativity in this country is so rich—propped up by egregiously lacking sex education—that even the increasing normalization of kink in recent years (which is, in itself, a great thing) seems to have a cost. As it becomes more socially acceptable to enjoy fetishes, fantasies, and classically “deviant” sex acts associated with BDSM (like choking, bondage, and other forms of power play), it’s vanilla sex that is now being subjected to societal shaming.

Where kink has become the “new normal” within the popular discourse, vanilla sex has become the new target for derision, with the unfortunate trend of “vanilla shaming” leaving those who enjoy non-kinky sex unnecessarily ostracized. “Vanilla shaming is when there is judgment toward people who have more traditional sex lives,” says certified sexologist Megwyn White, director of education at sex toy retailer Satisfyer. “Some people believe conventional sex is boring, [which they consider a synonym for] vanilla, and this judgment can manifest in various ways, such as mockery [and] exclusion.”

Spend any time on the sex side of social media, and you’ll see the kind of eye-rolling White is talking about. A corner of TikTok called FreakTok is now rife with videos of people denouncing vanilla sex and mocking people, often women, for not being into choking, cutting, slapping, and other rougher kinds of kink, in particular. Even influencer Emma Chamberlain has stated that she feels “embarrassed” about her more conventional sexual preferences.

As vanilla sex gets the “undesirable” label, people may feel undue pressure to abandon their preferences and embrace kink, whether to appear less prudish or appease a partner (both of which are problematic).

What does vanilla shaming look like in practice?

Vanilla shaming isn’t so much a new phenomenon as it is a new brand of the same judgment long applied to sexual preferences, particularly of folks who identify as women. In our misogynistic society, a woman who seems to have “too much” sex—or, by proxy, enjoys sex or kink too much—has long been labeled a slut, whereas a woman who doesn’t have “enough” sex (or doesn’t get adventurous enough in bed) has long been called a prude.

Vanilla shaming, then, falls on the latter end of that spectrum and is akin to prude shaming, says AASECT-certified sexuality educator Jules Purnell, MEd. “If someone doesn’t engage in kink or BDSM play, they’re considered boring or uncool and aren’t exciting enough in bed.”

“If someone doesn’t engage in kink or BDSM play, they’re considered boring or uncool [by those engaging in vanilla shaming].” —Jules Purnell, MEd, AASECT-certified sexuality educator

Exactly what is considered vanilla in this frame is subjective; after all, one person’s spicy is another person’s “normal.” But generally, vanilla shaming can be any form of putting down someone for liking anything that falls within the traditional realm of heteronormative p-in-v intercourse.

The best way to identify vanilla shaming is to notice your emotional and physical reactions to other people’s actions and comments in regard to sex. Have you ever felt embarrassed when a partner says you’re not adventurous enough? Has your stomach ever dropped when your sexual desire, pleasure, or boundaries have been written off as boring? These feelings are all cues that you may be experiencing vanilla shaming.

What do people engage in vanilla shaming?

Shaming someone for any kind of sexual preference—whether their tendency toward overtly vanilla or kinky sex, or anything in between—is a tactic to make them feel less worthy of pleasure, respect, and care because of their desires. In this way, “sexual shaming can be used to erode a person’s sense of agency,” says White, in order to control or abuse them. After all, an ashamed, powerless person “is much easier to manipulate,” says Purnell.

“Sexual shaming can be used to erode a person’s sense of agency.” —Megwyn White, certified sexologist

For example, someone who is vanilla shamed by a partner (and made to feel as if their desires are unworthy) may be more easily coerced or pressured to try something that they don’t want to do, or that feels uncomfortable, scary, or even dangerous to them. A common scenario? A person urges their girlfriend to try a threesome, and when she declines, he criticizes her for being too bland. That puts her in the lose-lose position of either internalizing the criticism or giving into something she doesn’t want to do—which certainly aren’t fair circumstances under which to offer consent, anyway.

Though this kind of vanilla shaming comes from the same sex-negative root as kink shaming—with both emerging as ways to put down people with particular sex preferences—the two extremes differ in key historical context.

It’s important to remember that people who engaged in kink and types of “cross-dressing” associated with LGBTQ+ gender identities were considered mentally ill (as defined by diagnostic codes for BDSM, fetishism, and transvestic fetishism in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) until 2013. And even to this day, kinky people still run the risk of employment discrimination and job loss, and losing custody of their children. The same level of governmental discrimination has not been applied as a means to shame people who enjoy vanilla sex, thus still assigning these folks a level of privilege by comparison.

What are the negative effects of vanilla shaming?

Feeling ashamed of your sexual preferences can keep you from being able to connect with and act on your desires, says Purnell. “Once we’ve been shamed for long enough, we take on that shaming as a personal project and police our own desire, too.”

That means you could start denying your desires, identity, or sexual orientation in the face of shaming, says White. “This suppression of self can not only hinder personal growth and self-acceptance, but it can also have a negative impact on your sexual well-being,” she adds. Indeed, disconnection from your sexual self “can contribute to sexual dysfunction, such as erectile dysfunction, difficulty experiencing orgasm, or lack of sexual desire,” she says.

More broadly, feeling ashamed of your sexual desires could also cause you to neglect your sexual health, perhaps leading you to bypass the use of STI tests or birth control, or to refrain from seeking out information or education on sex, adds White.

On an emotional level, vanilla shaming can also create barriers to intimacy. “Intimacy is, at its core, about embracing vulnerability and creating trust between partners,” says White. “Sexual shame erodes both the ability to be vulnerable with your partner and the trust necessary for a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.”

How to deal with vanilla shaming in a relationship and feel confident in your sexual self

Have a conversation about sexual shaming

If a sexual partner in your life is engaging in vanilla shaming (or any kind of sexual shaming), ask them to have a conversation. Let them know you’ve noticed their recent put-downs about your sexual preferences and share with them how these comments or actions are negatively affecting you and your ability to feel comfortable and intimate with them.

If their response indicates that they’re willing to be more mindful of their actions and to avoid vanilla shaming in the future, be clear about the kinds of behaviors and comments you’d like them to change, and what would allow you to feel completely shame-free during sex.

Set boundaries around sex talk

Boundaries are personal guidelines for behavior and are communicated to let others know how you will act in certain situations. “A boundary that may be important in this scenario would include not participating in conversations that engage in shaming the sexual experience, desires, or expression of others,” says therapist Jessica Good, LPC, owner of Good EMDR Therapy.

Abiding by this boundary would look like this: If you’re hanging out with friends or family members, and someone starts to make comments putting down or shaming the sexual preferences of another person, you would say, “I’m not comfortable with the way you’re talking about this person. If it keeps up, I’ll need to leave,” suggests Good. This way, you’re more likely to keep your interactions with sexual shaming to a minimum.

Re-evaluate the relationship

If sexual shaming is a continued issue with a romantic or sexual partner, it may be time to reconsider the relationship altogether. “If you are able to share your feelings, and your partner responds in a positive way, showing that they’re listening to your perspective and [are willing to] change their behavior, that is a positive sign for the relationship,” says Good. “However, if they seem disinterested in your experience or dismiss your feelings and concerns, it would be wise to exit that relationship.” There’s no amount of sexual shame that’s worth enduring as a cost to remaining in a relationship.

Embrace personal sex-ploration

Sometimes, sexual shame can be so pervasive, you begin to apply it to yourself and perceive your own preferences or desires as the problematic thing that needs to change. Allow this to be a reminder that whatever preferences you may have—so long as they don’t harm anyone else—are valid and acceptable. And learning to celebrate your desires is a part of resisting sexual shame and reclaiming your right to sexual pleasure in the process.

A good place to start? Learning more about sex, pleasure, and anatomy. Consider reading up on pleasure, attending online sex-positivity workshops, exploring your sex personality type, or embracing the benefits of masturbation as a way to reconnect with your sexual self.

Seek professional support

If vanilla shaming is getting in the way of your ability to engage in sexual or intimate activities, or you can’t shake the belief that your vanilla preferences make you less-than or not “good” enough for a partner (or prospective partner), Good suggests seeking support from a sex therapist or mental-health practitioner. A professional can help you disengage from harmful beliefs internalized from others or from societal narratives, and reconnect with your worth, as both a person and a sexual being.

At the end of the day, it’s essential to remember that there’s nothing broken about enjoying vanilla sex; it’s one flavor among many.

Complete Article HERE!

I Can’t Orgasm, Am I Broken?

By Sriha Srinivasan

The first time I had a go at an orgasm, I tried to plan for everything. Music? Check. Unrealistic erotic content? Check. Privacy? I mean, as much privacy as a young teen could get in her childhood bedroom so…kinda check? Fingers ready, I went for it and as my desire to succeed crescendoed, I didn’t. I felt nothing. Truth be told, my first attempts at masturbating were uncomfortable and embarrassing.

When I confided in my friends, they were sympathetic but it seemed that each of them in their own way had figured themselves out. They couldn’t relate to my struggle to orgasm. Throughout my teenage years, I tried modifying every variable I could think of. I thought that if I just had the right playlist, or tried moving my fingers at exactly the right angle, I could spontaneously fix myself. But I still couldn’t reach the elusive ‘big O’ my friends talked about: the supposedly euphoric experience that I’d watched play out on TV and in movies. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t meant to experience an orgasm. That maybe I was broken.

Hearing about my struggle, a friend who I had always looked up to for her confidence and strength took me aside on my 17th birthday and presented me with a small box. “It worked for me,” she said. “It might just work for you.” It was a brand-new Satisfyer Pro, a clitoral vibrator apparently changing the sex toy landscape for people with vaginas. It was totally portable, waterproof, sleek, shiny — and utterly terrifying. I didn’t touch the box for at least a couple of months. I watched YouTube reviews and revisited the step-by-step articles from my youth that promised to teach me how to orgasm before setting out to give it a try. Unfortunately, the first time using the vibrator was too much for me. Even the slowest setting felt like ants all over my clitoris. So I hid the box away and grappled with a fresh onslaught of shame.

It was a shame that I needn’t have felt. Despite my generation having more information than ever at our fingertips, our sex education is still deeply flawed and far from comprehensive. As a teen growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was lucky to be surrounded by empowering young people who talked openly and honestly about pleasure. I remember being 13 and at a Halloween slumber party, having whispered conversations by flashlight after putting on flimsy sheet masks and eating popcorn, laughter hiding our nervousness over topics we really didn’t know anything about. These conversations led me to the teenage manuals of women’s magazines and websites, where I learned that there was an elusive state called an ‘orgasm’ or, colloquially, ‘the big O’. For penises, ejaculation was the obvious marker of having reached orgasm. But for vaginas? The scientific literature I came across wasn’t helpful at all and mainly referenced studies from the early ’70s. The articles I read described reaching orgasm as feeling like fireworks, whatever that meant. My curiosity led me to follow each article step by step in my bid to discover what an orgasm actually felt like, ultimately leading me to my initial failed attempt. Years had gone by and here I was at 17, still hitting the same wall.

In high school, fueled by misinformation, stigma and frustration at my perceived failure to experience an orgasm, I became involved in sex education. Simultaneously, I grew comfortable with my culture as the daughter of immigrants, and as a rising senior created a consent curriculum that I taught to over 300 youth in my parents’ hometown in south India. After I came back to the United States, I became a UCSF California-certified sexual health educator and eventually, during my final year of high school (and at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic), I set out on TikTok, creating my platform @sexedu to reach as many as I could with my work.

From what I’ve seen as an educator, the United States is in desperate need of comprehensive sex education. We need to deconstruct the idea that sexual wellbeing is a taboo topic. I know now as a creator that my story of struggling to figure out how to orgasm isn’t unique. I want every young person to know that regardless of their journey with pleasure, they aren’t alone and they aren’t broken. That’s why I’m sharing my story. In 2023, we need stories to break the stigma.

In what felt to 17-year-old me like a last-ditch effort, I shared my desolate feelings with the friend who’d gifted me the vibrator. She urged me to try again — she said that it was uncomfortable simply because it was unknown. It was a brand-new sensation; I just had to lean into the discomfort to make a discovery. I took a long, hard look at myself. I looked at my body with a mirror in an attempt to become comfortable with these parts that society had made me shy away from. I shoved down the shame I felt and focused on exploring, not on the destination I sought. Yes, I reached those fireworks. Yes, it felt brand-new the first time, and a little uncomfortable because of that. But yes, it was fantastic. It was an experience that belonged to me and that connected me to humankind.

In the end, the elusive orgasm was a journey for me as it is for so many. After all, there are so many types of orgasm: clitoral, vaginal, deep vaginal, G-spot, anal, nipple, ‘coregasms’, audio/visual, blended and possibly more (there’s a debate to be had about the exact number of types given the lack of research on pleasure for people with vaginas). The journey to reaching an orgasm looks different for everyone! Some reach their first orgasm early on with ease; others might not say ‘orgasm’ aloud until they reach college. You shouldn’t feel pressure to orgasm every time either — even the practice of masturbation without orgasm can be pleasurable.

You aren’t broken if you can’t orgasm from penetration alone, or if you need a half hour of foreplay, or if you can’t orgasm more than once at a time. Pleasure is a biological function; it can also be magical and frustrating and your relationship with it can change over time. But regardless of all this, pleasure unites us all — via orgasm, or whatever pleasure might look like for you. It is your right to experience pleasure in whatever consensual capacity you choose.

Complete Article HERE!

Can Kink Help You Let Go of Shame and Anxiety in the Bedroom?

— Folding in kink and BDSM play can help soothe anxious feelings and release shame.

By Jackie Lam

Key Points

  • Kink and BDSM may help alleviate anxiety, release shame and boost creativity.
  • Go slow. Learn the ropes of kink before you dive in.
  • It doesn’t have to look like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” There are other options, including safer ones that may be easier for beginners.

Common depictions of kink and BDSM, or bondage, discipline and sado-masochism, include latex, whips and flogging devices. These popularized notions of kink and BDSM culture are mainstream thanks to cultural phenomena such as “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

But kink has a much broader range of options—and it doesn’t have to involve a ball gag. Many women struggling with feelings of shame and anxiety experience challenges letting go in the bedroom. Here’s how kink could help.

How can kink help reduce anxiety?

In Norway, roughly 38 percent of people have experimented with a kinky activity during sex, suggested a 2021 study. Kink is more common than we may think, and it could have some unexpected potential health benefits.

Grounding techniques, meditation and spending time in nature can help you gain control of anxiety. There’s one avenue, though, that not everyone knows can help reduce anxiety—and it starts in the bedroom.

BDSM sex may help, as kink can potentially generate flow and transient hypofrontality, or the need for the brain to think, suggested a 2022 study.

What are the different types of sexual shame?

Sexual shame is a particular form of shame characterized by feelings of humiliation or disgust around one’s own identity and sexuality, according to a 2017 study.

Feelings of shame are made up of three main parts:

  1. Relationship sexual shame. This has to do with interpersonal relationships and feelings involving others.
  2. Internalized shame. Feelings of humiliation, disgust or abnormality are sometimes expressed as bodily shame.
  3. Sexual inferiority. Feeling as if you’re not meeting your sexual expectations, often due to societal norms and cultural expectations, can result in shame.

What are the origins of sexual shame?

Where do shameful feelings about sex come from? The answer is complex and varies between people, but there are common sources.

Sexual shame can stem from several places and may be due to the following factors, said Maria “Two-Straps” Hintog, an EDSE sex educator based in Los Angeles:

  • Culture
  • Gender norms
  • Gender roles
  • Gender expectations
  • Social settings
  • Religion and the church

“A lot of the shame comes from our upbringing and our past experiences because, especially as kids, we’re absorbing gender norms and the cultural norms and what you’re not supposed to do,” Hintog said.

Those childhood experiences shape our future selves. These feelings can lead to anxiety for some people.

“So we’re told not to do something, but we don’t know why. We just absorb that information. And then, as we grew older, we’re like, ‘Why is this bad? Nobody told me why it’s bad. They just told me it is,'” Hintog said.

What is the difference in sexual shame between men and women?

Men scored far higher than women on suppressing their sexual desire, suggested a 2023 study. However, there wasn’t much difference between the two genders when it came to sexual desire or sexual shame.

There wasn’t a dramatic difference in cognitive reappraisal, which has to do with changing how a person thinks about a particular situation in the bedroom. Many of us grow up in homes that discourage talking about sex, power and consent, said Mistress Amanda Wildefyre, a professional dominatrix based in Minneapolis.

“Some of us have been taught that it’s wrong to want experiences that don’t match up with our gender or that only certain types of people can enjoy sex,” Wildefrye said.

How can kink help women express desires and set boundaries?

“Engaging in kink/BDSM is a multi-edged sword—in a good way,” Wildefyre said. “These alternative practices ask us to learn to communicate our desires, negotiate expectations and express enthusiastic consent with our partners. BDSM play also encourages us to recognize and reflect on our physical and emotional reactions during and after intimacy.” By following a safe and consensual framework, kink and BDSM can offer the built-in reward of satisfaction and affirmation of our unique desires, which may lead to a reduction of shame and anxiety over time, Wildefyre said.

“When you’re doing those things in that controlled environment, sometimes that’s enough to remind the person that it’s okay,” Hintog said. “‘I’m safe. I don’t have any further repercussions from this.'”

How can kink help you feel safe with the right partner?

A controlled environment, boundaries and aftercare can play into creating a safe space. These feelings of safety can help release bouts of anxiety and shame. “Kink/BDSM play offers a template for clear communication about likes and dislikes, compatibility and expectations,” Wildfyre said. “Safewords give us an explicit language to indicate when we need a pause or would like the action to stop.” Healing can occur during aftercare—the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical caretaking aspects after a sexual experience.

“When you’re with a partner you trust, that aftercare builds connection and intimacy,” Two-Straps said. “And it tells your brain, ‘We did this scary thing in a controlled environment, and now we’re safe.'”

How can kink help you relax and transform shame?

At its best, kink/BDSM offers a narrative-changing context for pleasure and approval for the parts of ourselves we have been made to feel ashamed of, Wildfyre said.

As a teenager, Wildfyre was teased relentlessly for being “too tall.” When she started playing with female dominance, her height became an asset. An athletic, cis-gendered masculine-expressing male, for example, might feel more comfortable indulging in being submissive, something for which they may have previously been ashamed.

BDSM activities indicated reductions in psychological stress and an increase in a mental state linked to heightened creativity, indicated a 2016 study.

Where can you go to learn more about kink and BDSM?

If you’re keen on exploring kink, Hintog suggested relying on reputable sources. Immerse yourself in BDSM 101. Find local meetup groups or sign up for workshops to build community with like-minded people.

See if there are reputable dungeons, or safe areas for BDSM, near you. When exploring kink with a partner, it’s important to negotiate boundaries and consent, explained Hintog. Kinky scenes can involve physical, psychological and emotional risk. “Education, making friends and building community are a great way to start,” Hintog said. “That way, you’re learning as much as you can.”

Let your kinky side emerge at a pace you’re comfortable with.

“If in a relationship, you can introduce a few new things at a time and explore together, which is very bonding and playful when done with a loving partner,” said Charlynn Ruan, Ph.D., a California-based clinical psychologist and founder of Thrive Psychology Group. “If single, there are workshops and events where you can go and observe before getting involved.”

The bottom line

If you’re new to kink and the BDSM world, have realistic expectations, Wildfyre said. Kink and BDSM play may have a unique array of potential benefits, from alleviating shame and anxiety to boosting creativity, but don’t rush the learning process.

“Even though you may have had kinky fantasies all your life, it will take some time and a bit of compromise to bring your explorations to the real world,” Wildfyre said.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Edging?

— Sexual Health Experts Explain What It Is and How to Do It

Get ready to unlock a new level of pleasure.

By Kayla Blanton

When you’re really in the mood, reaching the big O can feel a little short-lived, or even underwhelming. And although people with vulvas are more capable of experiencing multiple orgasms in a small window of time than those with penises, both parties can spice things up and prolong the fun by practicing edging—a sexual technique that is essentially the biggest tease of your life. Keep reading to find the answers to: “What is edging?” and “How do you edge properly?”<

Meet the Experts: Sophia Murphy, L.P.C., a licensed therapist, certified sex coach, and director of wellness at TBD Health; Carolyn Delucia, M.D., OB-GYN, F.A.C.O.G., and luminary in the field of women’s sexual health, and Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe.

What is edging?

To use The Price Is Right logic, edging is getting as close as possible—to climaxing, that is—without going over. “Edging is the ability to delay orgasm by choice,” explains Sophia Murphy, L.P.C., a licensed therapist, certified sex coach, and director of wellness at TBD Health. “Scientifically, this can be defined as an extension of the plateau phase, which is part of the human sexual response cycle as identified by [William] Masters and [Virginia] Johnson in 1966.”

The plateau phase is characterized by increased arousal—it follows the excitement phase (a.k.a. foreplay) and precedes orgasm, Murphy explains. In other words, edging is “when someone is able to extend their period of arousal to the point of being on the edge of orgasm.”

Why edge, you might ask? It’s essentially to build anticipation, and ideally, pleasure. After edging a few times, the idea is to “completely surrender to an orgasm of higher intensity than previously imagined,” explains Carolyn Delucia, M.D., OB-GYN, F.A.C.O.G., and luminary in the field of women’s sexual health.

Edging benefits

You may be confused about how suspense in the bedroom would be helpful—but there are quite a few perks:

Prolonged pleasure

While more research is needed to solidify any medical benefits of edging, the upside is, well, it makes for a good time. “[Edging] is a popular sexual technique in an attempt to heighten intensity and fun,” says Dr. Delucia.

Possible intensified orgasm

“Some individuals find that edging leads to a more intense and powerful orgasm from prolonged anticipation and arousal build-up,” says Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe. However, there is little research to back this up.

Increased body awareness and understanding

“Edging can be a great way for people to gain an intimate understanding of their arousal patterns and sexual responsiveness, which translates to better command of their bodies,” explains Narkiewicz. Murphy adds that when you take your time and remove the pressure to orgasm, you can give yourself permission to fully experience your body. “You can learn more about how it changes, how it moves through the sexual response cycle, what works best, and you might even surprise yourself,” she says.

Potentially strengthened pelvic floor muscles

“Some edging techniques involve pelvic floor exercises similar to Kegels,” or an intentional contraction of the pelvic floor, explains Narkiewicz. Research shows that pelvic floor muscle strength is positively correlated with sexual function, especially with age.

Premature ejaculation help

Dr. Delucia says edging—via the start-stop method or squeezing the tip of the penis (more on that later)—is “very effective” in helping men and penis owners who experience premature ejaculation (PE) grow more aware of their arousal patterns and therefore, gain more ejaculatory control. Research has documented this as a form of potential treatment for PE.

Enhanced couple communication

If you practice edging with a partner, the session will require in-depth communication to let them know how stimulation is progressing, which makes it a great exercise in connection. “Unless you’ve set specific parameters for a partner to be in charge of your orgasm, be sure to speak up while edging to ensure your needs and boundaries are being met,” Murphy adds.

Edging side effects

Some research suggests that edging in people with penises may cause epididymal hypertension (EH), commonly known as “blue balls”—a phenomenon in which restricted orgasm causes pain. “This is not a scientific medical condition, and while it may be uncomfortable for penis and testicle owners, will not cause permanent damage,” says Murphy. “Semen will go back into the body if not ejaculated.”

Dr. Delucia adds that EH is “rare” but “very uncomfortable.” If you experience it, her tip is to try and reverse it by holding your nose, closing your mouth, and exhaling forcefully (like you would to pop your ears), also known as Valsalva. That technique is under-researched, though.

How do you edge properly?

How you practice edging will depend on your anatomy and how you prefer to achieve orgasm. However, there is one tip that’s universal, which is the need for transparent communication when edging with a partner.

“If one partner is not into this type of sex play then do not entertain it,” Dr. Delucia says. “Communication of where your partner is in the arousal phases is [also] important to understand.” After all, if you don’t know where they are in the sexual response cycle, things may not go as planned.

Now, for a few anatomy-specific tips.

Edging tips for people with vulvas:

  • Experiment with arousal and foreplay: This stage may change depending on if you’re solo or with a partner, but Murphy recommends engaging multiple senses to heat things up—be that watching something spicy, listening to erotica, or touching other parts of your body first to get the energy going. “The whole body, the nape of the neck, the nipples, may be erogenous,” adds Dr. Delucia.
  • Find your stimulation of choice: “Explore what touch is most arousing and how your body responds from start to finish,” explains Murphy. Some people prefer clitoral stimulation over vaginal penetration and vise-versa, then there are varying pressures to consider. “The most important thing is learning what works for you,” she adds. Dr. Delucia says using a sex toy with different intensities like a wand vibrator “to better explore the areas in the vagina that have extra sensation” may help.
  • Embrace fantasy: There’s nothing wrong with tapping into your imagination. “If you are alone, when you are on the precipice, snap out of the fantasy and allow the heart rate to return to normal and then begin again,” Dr. Delucia recommends.

Edging tips for people with penises:

  • Fantasize: Dr. Delucia’s fantasy advice applies here too—tease yourself (and/or your partner) with a story you can’t resist. Then try to resist it.
  • Change positions: “If practicing edging during sexual intercourse, try changing positions when you feel close,” suggests Narkiewicz. “This adjustment will provide a few seconds of a natural pause in stimulation and cadence to regain composure.”
  • Change your touch pattern: “One of the best ways to edge a penis is to squeeze the tip,” says Dr. Delucia. Or, go for an area that’s highly sensitive—“for most men this is the area just below the glans,” Delucia adds, and when you’re almost there, stop. “This should be fun and allow you to learn more about your own arousal patterns to eventually give you more control of your tipping point,” Dr. Delucia says.

How do you know when to stop edging?

“Once you’ve strengthened your relationship with yourself, you’ll be more aware of your boundaries,” says Murphy. “If you feel uncomfortable, unsafe during partnered sex, or find negative emotions like distress, panic, or dread coming up, trust yourself to take a break. If it becomes difficult to reach orgasm when you desire, it may also be helpful to take a break from edging.”

Put simply, Dr. Delucia says you decide when you’re through: “Stop when you or your partner have had enough.”

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s How Anxiety Affects Your Ability To Orgasm

By Claire Fox, GiGi Engle

If you’re someone who deals with stress and anxiety, the unwanted mental and physical effects can creep up during the most inopportune times. Perhaps you’re just hanging out, catching up on the latest episode of your favourite TV show and suddenly you begin to worry about everything in your life. Maybe you’re worrying about nothing in particular, but feel panicky nonetheless. Symptoms of anxiety include ruminating in your own thoughts, focusing on past regrets, a racing heart, sweaty palms, and a general feeling of impending doom. It’s a sneaky not-so-little feeling that can happen at any moment. And one of the worst moments it can strike is when you’re having sex and trying to orgasm.

“Anxiety and stress can have a huge impact on someone’s physical and mental health all around the body and, unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for sex, arousal and pleasure to be affected, too,” AASECT-certified sex therapist Melissa Cook tells Refinery29. During sex you’ll want to be present and enjoy the moment, but if you’re feeling anxiety during the act — whether it’s related or unrelated to sex — that can be a problem for your pleasure and your partner’s. This inability to be in the moment can affect your ability to climax.

Of course, orgasming isn’t the only goal of sex, but for many, it’s an important part of the sexual experience. And if you’re feeling anxious during foreplay, intercourse, oral play, or other sexual activities, reaching climax becomes harder, making it feel almost unreachable. Here’s exactly how feelings of anxiousness and stress can mess with your orgasms, and what you can do about it.

Anxiety Kills The Mood In Your Brain

For many people, focus is a critical element in experiencing an orgasm. And this is especially the case for those with vulvas. Many of us are conditioned to cater to our partner’s pleasure (especially if that partner is a cis man), putting it above our own, as society has long given precedent to the male orgasm. For those who aren’t men, orgasm can often feel secondary: great if it occurs, but certainly not necessary for a complete sexual experience.

Focusing on our bodies, without shame, can prove very difficult given this context. Though it varies from person to person, it takes the average woman about twenty minutes to become aroused enough to have intercourse. Allowing yourself the time to relax and get to that place can be an anxious person’s personal hell.

When you’re anxious, you typically can’t focus or be “in the mood” to orgasm. According to Avril Louise Clarke, a clinical sexologist and intimacy coordinator at ERIKALUST, anxiety has the ability to disrupt sexual energy and pull you entirely out of a positive headspace. “These negative emotions can interfere with the body’s ability to relax and fully engage in sexual activities,” she says. “The ‘fight or flight’ response triggered by stress can lead to heightened tension, making it difficult to reach orgasm.” In other words, when your mind is elsewhere, it creates a barrier to sexual pleasure.

“What’s more, when someone is anxious, they may be more likely to be self-critical of themselves, including about their body or sexual performance,” Cook adds. “This can affect someone’s self-worth and their overall sexual body image which can prevent someone from reaching orgasm or fully enjoying the experience.”

And it’s not just orgasms that are impacted by anxiety and stress. “In fact, sex as a whole can be affected by these feelings,” Cook explains. “To begin with, any type of stress, but especially chronic stress, can decrease someone’s desire to have sex. An anxious or stressed mind can result in someone not being fully present in the moment, meaning they lack libido or struggle to focus during sex.”

Anxiety Messes With Arousal

Stress and anxiety have long been linked to physical sexual concerns, as well. “This is because anxiety and stress can alter the body’s blood vessels and constrict them which makes it harder for someone to experience arousal and pleasure as during an orgasm the blood vessels rush to the genitalia.”

When you are aroused and when you orgasm, the body is flooded with dopamine, the brain’s motivation hormone, and oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which promotes feelings of tranquillity, closeness, and pair bonding. It’s a cocktail of all things that feel good.

When you’re stressed, your body releases cortisol, the body’s stress hormone. It is basically the arch-nemesis of orgasms. “Studies have found that an increase in the hormone cortisol can reduce overall sensitivity, again making it harder for that person to feel aroused and achieve orgasm,” Cook says. Plus, apart from stress’ impact on sex, studies have also linked cortisol to poor sleep, weight gain, and overall feelings of personal distress.

Because of these hormonal changes, stress and anxiety can also lead to vaginal discomfort. “In women, anxiety can result in the vagina muscles contracting frequently which can make penetration very challenging and sometimes painful,” Cook says. This can lead to pain, spotting, or tearing during sex. In short, anxiety impedes your ability to create the hormones needed to become properly sexually aroused.

How To Stop Anxiety From Hindering Your Orgasms

So how exactly can you have more orgasms and try to quiet the anxious thoughts inside your brain? “The most important thing to remember is you’re not alone and there are plenty of steps you can take that will help you to hopefully feel more relaxed in the bedroom and get closer to achieving orgasm,” Cook says.

Forget About Orgasms

For one, when you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, you become more stressed about not orgasming, which only makes experiencing orgasm that much harder. It’s a treacherous sexual catch-22. So, you might want to consider taking orgasm off the table for a bit and stop making climax the goal of sex. Learning to give weight to sexual pleasure in and of itself, rather than holding orgasm as the pinnacle of sexual fulfilment is a beneficial practice, in general. If you take away the pressure, sometimes things just flow better and make the whole experience enjoyable.

Communicate With Your Partner/s

Communication between sexual partners also goes a long way to help with stress in the bedroom. “I always advise couples to communicate first, in a safe and non-judgmental way,” says Cook. “Perhaps there is something that you feel you need in order to be able to orgasm or maybe you’d like to do things differently. Either way, you should both listen to each other and create an open environment where you can talk about your desires, preferences and boundaries.”

Build A Relaxing Environment

In the bedroom itself, it can also be helpful to build the right, comfortable atmosphere. “Consider lighting, candles and music to help you to relax and get into the moment,” Cook says. “You may also want to try foreplay in various settings including in the bath to help you to switch off.”

Try Breathwork Exercises

Another way to combat anxiety when it comes creeping in during sex is to simply breathe, which we often forget to do during sex. “Techniques to help you stay calm and focused on the sensations can help too, such as breathwork,” says Cook. Consciously pulling your breath into your body, letting it fill you, and releasing it slowly can help calm your mind and body. For more techniques, check out more breathing exercises here.

Avoid Drugs & Alcohol

Though it may sound counterintuitive, you should also avoid things like alcohol and drugs if you’re having trouble orgasming due to stress and anxiety. “While many see them as a relaxant, it’s also common for them to impact sexual ability and function,” Cook says.

Perhaps most importantly, though, try your best not to panic if you’re feeling anxious during sex. Be open about your feelings with your partner. Accept this challenge as a part of your life and commit to alleviating anxiety, when possible. Remember, it’s OK to ask for help.

Don’t Suffer In Silence

Anxiety — whether it’s a disorder you struggle with daily or something that happens sporadically — is a huge pain, but if we take time to recognise it for what it is and develop skills to cope, we can keep it from messing with our orgasms.

Orgasms aside, it’s also important to recognize the kind of anxiety you experience, whether it is sporadic or a more far-reaching mental health issue. If you experience debilitating anxiety on a regular basis, seeking professional help is a great first step. Society stigmatizes mental health almost as much as it does sex. Depending on the person, anxiety may or may not need the help of outside sources. Regardless, taking control of yours is a sign of strength.

Complete Article HERE!

How to explore kink safely

— Whatever you’re into, here’s what you need to know…

By Alice Porter

If you’re looking to change up your sex life and try new things, you might be interested in exploring the world of kink. But whether you’re googling new kinks in a private browser or dipping your toe into something like BDSM with a partner, you might end up feeling a little overwhelmed.

And if your only introduction to kink is how it’s portrayed in the media (Fifty Shades of Grey, we’re looking at you), you might assume it’s all dungeons, ropes and floggers. Of course, this is the case for some people, but there’s so much more to kink than just latex and rough sex and there are plenty of ways to explore it that are safe and pleasurable.

With more people exploring kink than ever – Feeld, the kinky dating app, saw a 250% rise in users between 2021 and 2022 – it’s worth knowing your safe words from your scene acronyms.

If you’re new to kink, you’re likely discovering lots of ideas that are new to you. This is exciting and you might just be about to open yourself up to a whole new world of pleasure. But there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure you and your partner(s) are safe as you step into a wonderful new world.

But listen, kink isn’t for everyone and it’s not something you should be pressured into by either society or a sexual partner. Sometimes good old back to basics sex is great. There’s a reason vanilla is everyone’s favourite flavour.

What is kink?

Kink refers to a wide range of sexual interests and activities, but it’s generally defined as a sexual activity or interest that society, generally, might consider unconventional. This includes things like roleplay, outdoor sex and power dynamics like Dom/Sub play, praise and degradation and cuckolding (watching your partner have sex with someone else).

You might have also heard of fetishes, which are slightly different, as they tend to involve attractions to very specific non-sexual things, like an inanimate object or a body part, such as feet. It’s important not to get kink and fetish confused because a fetish is a very specific sexual proclivity whereas kinks are much more common, although there are plenty of overlaps.

The most common kink you’ve probably heard of is BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It’s a catch-all term for lots of different types of relationships, dynamics and experiences, that often involve practices like choking, spanking and other elements of rough sex, if both partners consent to this. But many elements of BDSM are purely psychological, involving relationships where one person is sexually dominant and the other is sexually submissive.

Are BDSM and rough sex the same thing?

Rough sex isn’t necessarily BDSM and if rough sex is your kink, that doesn’t mean you’ll naturally be into chains and whips or psychological games and control. Rough sex tends to refer to sexual experiences that incorporate elements of pain or intensity for the purpose of pleasure. Of course, elements of rough sex are often part of BDSM practices and relationships, but they don’t have to be.

“Interestingly for many, BDSM doesn’t always include rough sex, but for some that enjoy combining rough sex with BDSM, there may be a mixture of consensual sadomasochism and power play dynamics happening,” explains Ness Cooper, a therapist and resident sexologist for sex toy company Jejoue. “Within some Dom and sub relationships, the individuals involved don’t explore sadomasochism at all and more see it as a form of relationship structure built around care, such as service submission or female led relationships,” Cooper continues.

Sometimes, simply knowing that you’re submissive or dominant to your partner is enough to turn you on and there are plenty of ways to show this that don’t involve physical domination. What matters is that you know your limits and how far you’re willing to give up control or be controlled, in and out of the bedroom.

“For some BDSM is a way of forming relationship routines and rituals, and this doesn’t have to include roughness or pain,” Cooper adds. “Rather these individuals may thrive from having a structured relationship that a heteronormative vanilla non-BDSM relationship structure doesn’t offer.”

How to stay safe when exploring kink

Kinks vary a lot and some kinks are riskier than others. For example, if your kink is wearing a particular type of outfit and engaging in gentle roleplay, there may be less of a physical risk than if your kink is being spanked with a paddle. Either way, there are a few things to keep in mind to make sure your experience of exploring kink is safe, sane and consensual.

1. Have a proper conversation about consent

It’s crucial that you take the time to talk about consent with a new partner and ensure you keep having these conversations on a regular basis, particularly if you’re experimenting with more unusual kinks or BDSM.

This might also include specifying what you like and dislike, which could change over time. “If you’re exploring any forms of rough play, chat about areas that you’re ok with being marked,” Cooper recommends. “Talk about consent and explore consent models that may work for your relationship dynamic,” she adds. There are a couple of consent models to consider, including FRIES and RACK. FRIES stands for consent that is Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific. Apply this checklist when discussing what you do and don’t consent to. Or use RACK, which stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink when you’re discussing the possible outcomes of what you’re about to do. Do some research on consent to help facilitate your conversations and figure out what works for you.

2. Take things slowly

Just because you’re experimenting with kinky sex, that doesn’t mean you need to jump right in at the deep end and passion in the heat of the moment doesn’t excuse rushing in and not giving or getting consent. It can be exciting trying something new, especially if the idea of it turns you on, but your body and your brain will need time to adjust so don’t go steaming in.

“If you’re exploring BDSM with someone for the first time, including sex may be too much all at once and may result in some individuals crashing quickly during the experience,” says Cooper. “Taking things slowly and breaking things up into micro BDSM sessions [where you don’t actually have sex] may be easier at first until you’re both used to how each other’s bodies react.”

When it comes to other kinks and fetishes, you don’t have to dedicate a whole evening to them. There are ways you can incorporate them into the type of sex you usually have, easing yourself and your partner(s) in with little tasters here and there.

3. Keep things clean

If your kinks involve any types of prop or toy, remember the importance of hygiene. Taking your toys to the sink after hours of hot sex isn’t the hottest part of sex, but it’s definitely worth doing in order to avoid infections and things like thrush.

Looking after yourself as well as your toys is also important, explains Cooper. “Cleaning any areas that may have consensual marks before and after is important to avoid infection and making sure you disinfect items such as spanking paddles can help reduce any future risks,” Cooper adds.

4. Use safe words

A safe word is a term or phrase that signifies that one partner wants whatever is happening to stop. Choose one with your partner(s) and agree on what it means to you. For example, does it mean you simply want to stop the specific thing that is happening and move on to something else, or do you want to take a break from the scene altogether? Many people use the traffic light system – red, amber, green – so there’s a way to signify both of these things.

“Keeping safe words simple and accessible is important and talking through them before BDSM play is important,” Cooper says.

5. Remember aftercare

One of the most important parts of exploring a kink is aftercare. This is the part post-sex where you check in with your partner, talk about what just happened, what you enjoyed and what you didn’t enjoy and what you’d do differently next time. After sex, especially doing something kinky or new, it’s normal to feel vulnerable, so take this opportunity to show each other care and support.

If you’ve had some intense moments in your play session, ease each other down off the adrenaline high with soothing cuddles, massages and anything that makes you both feel good. Aftercare can be as simple as a shower together and a cup of tea.

Complete Article HERE!

How to keep your sex life thriving after prostate cancer

— Poor sexual function is the most common consequence of prostate cancer treatment, but support through the NHS is patchy and many men suffer in silence.

By Laura Milne

When BBC presenter Gabby Logan and her husband Kenny, the former Scotland rugby union winger, experienced difficulties with their sex life after he had his prostate removed last year, rather than keep it under wraps, they decided to make a podcast about it.

The couple, who have been married for 22 years, discussed their issues in an interview about Kenny’s prostate cancer diagnosis and subsequent erectile dysfunction on Gabby’s podcast The Mid Point.

Kenny, 51, who won 70 international caps representing Scotland, said his wife, 50, had expected the passion in their relationship to be reignited “immediately” after his operation and when he was unable to perform, it knocked his confidence badly.

He said: “When we first tried to have sex after the operation, Gabby said, ‘Oh, it’s not working, that’s it, it’s not working’. You didn’t even give me a chance. What actually happened from that was my confidence went rock bottom.

Gabby and Kenny’s experience is far from unusual. In the UK, prostate cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in men and more than 395,000 were living with it, or had been successfully treated for it, in 2018.

According to the Life After Prostate Cancer Diagnosis (LAPCD) study of 35,000 men in the UK, funded by men’s health charity Movember, poor sexual function is the most common consequence of prostate cancer treatment (79 percent with prostate cancer compared with 48per cent of men in the general population).

Unfortunately, the problem remains one that is either not addressed routinely or at all in prostate cancer care.

The LAPCD study found that 56 per cent of men were not offered any help with sexual dysfunction following their treatment.

Problems with sex can lead to stress, anxiety, anger and even shame.

Some men don’t like to talk about vulnerable feelings because they think they should be “strong and silent”. Others avoid talking because they’re overwhelmed or trying not to burden their partner.

But learning how to face these challenges and work through them can strengthen your sexual wellbeing, explains Dr Karen Robb, Implementation Director for Cancer at Movember. “Sexual wellbeing – the balance between the physical, social and emotional aspects of sex – has not always been a common topic of conversation, but fortunately that is changing,” she says.

“Talking about sex after prostate cancer can be uncomfortable but open communication between you and your partner, if you have one, is a key part of sexual recovery following treatment. Acknowledge what has changed for you so that you can do something about it, with the right support.”

Almost every kind of prostate cancer treatment, including surgery, can cause sexual dysfunction, the most common of which is erectile dysfunction or ED, following a prostatectomy (surgical removal of the prostate).

This means that although you may feel aroused or in the mood for sex, chances are you’ll have difficulty getting an erection.

Why does ED happen after prostate cancer surgery?

“Surgery to remove the prostate affects the nerves and blood supply around the penis,” explains Karen. “The penis needs a healthy blood flow to get an erection. Without this, it won’t become as hard as it did before surgery.”

During surgery, the entire prostate is removed. The nerves that help create erections run down the left and right sides of the prostate gland. The surgeon can usually take out the prostate without causing permanent harm to the nerves on either side.

But if your cancer is too close to the nerves, they may need to be cut out.

How long does ED last after surgery?

It might take some time to improve, and the level of function you get back depends on a number of things including your age, lifestyle, any medications you take and whether you had nerve-sparing surgery.

As Karen explains: “Some things you can work on, such as exercise and keeping a healthy weight.

“Some are a bit more out of your control. However, all are things you can talk about with your doctor and see what recommendations they have that can help.”

What can you do about ED after prostate cancer?

Sex and intimacy after prostate cancer can look different for everyone, but there are options to keep your sex life thriving. Exploring new ways to have sexual pleasure and intimacy is essential after treatment and can even be a way of improving your erections.

There are different types of ­medication and sexual aids that you can try, all with pros and cons.

Everyone is unique so you may need to try out a few options a number of times and perhaps in combination to settle on the best solution for you. Discuss this with your healthcare provider.

To support men and their partners following prostate cancer treatment, Movember has launched an evidence-based online guide
called Sex and Intimacy After Prostate Cancer.

Informed by sexual health experts, it covers ED, dealing with physical changes after surgery, connecting with a partner, restoring intimacy, and coping with stress and anxiety. It also provides practical strategies, such as exercises, information about medication and devices, and how to have conversations with your doctor or care team.

“It’s vital to talk and not to just ignore it”

Chris Pedlar, 56, took early retirement from the Environment Agency in 2022 after 33 years, and lives with his partner in Devon. Nine years ago, Chris became the third generation in his family to bediagnosed with prostate cancer.

“My grandfather died from prostate cancer and my father was treated for it when he was 60. He went on to live for another 25 years, cancer free. He made sure that I started having PSA tests at 45 and I was picked up as having medium-risk cancer at 48.

“I opted for surgery rather than radiotherapy as I knew I would have the option of additional radiotherapy later on.

“Due to my father’s experience, I knew beforehand what to expect. Although I recovered quickly from the surgery itself, I had some of the usual side effects, including erectile dysfunction and some minor urinary problems, which I’ll have for life. I tried all the usual interventions such as injections, which made me feel terrible, and pumps which, while they serve a purpose, are a huge commitment. It didn’t put me off seeking advice though.

“Sex is an important part of a relationship and just because you’ve had a cancer diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that part of your life is over.

“Cancer can put a massive strain on a relationship – it affects both partners and you need to be able to talk about it honestly with each other. My partner and I have found that humour is the best way to deal with the problems we had, and I was determined from day one, this was not going to get me down.

“Because of the stage my cancer was at when it was discovered, I wasn’t able to have nerve-sparing surgery. That meant drugs like sildenafil (Viagra) shouldn’t have worked for me because of the nerve damage caused by the surgery. Everyone’s situation is different, but I never gave up hope, and after three years I asked my doctor if I could give sildenafil a try to see if it would help in any way, and I was pleasantly surprised to find it worked for me.

“From the beginning, I decided to be very open about my cancer. I recognise that not everyone deals with the experience in the same way. A lot of men bury their heads in the sand and won’t ask for help, even though it is having a negative impact on their lives.

“I was comfortable with talking to my doctor about ED because I wanted to find a solution – but a lot of men are reluctant to even mention it and so they just suffer in silence, which can have a negative effect on their mental health and their relationships.

“We need to work harder to break down those barriers that prevent men from talking about problems seeking help and seeing their GP when they need to.”

Complete Article HERE!

The Best Relationship Advice We’ve Gotten So Far This Year

— Strategies to resolve silly fights, hurt feelings and other issues.

By Catherine Pearson and Jancee Dunn

Experts increasingly know that human connection is integral to well-being, every bit as essential as getting enough sleep or moving your body. But relationships, particularly romantic partnerships, can be tricky. And we seldom receive the straightforward, evidence-based guidance we might get from a doctor about exercise or rest.

Relationships are a big part of what we cover on the Well desk, and we spend lots of time talking to researchers and therapists who are steeped in this stuff. So we are looking back on some of the best relationship advice we’ve covered so far in 2023.

Here is a roundup of tips to keep your connection strong and healthy.

Those silly-but-frequent fights have a root cause.

If you find yourself squabbling with your partner over low-stakes matters such as unwashed dishes or dirty laundry, pick a calm moment and sit down together, said Talal Alsaleem, a couples counselor from Rosedale, Calif.

Then, explore what is actually bugging you about the situation. Often, “it’s safer to fight about taking out the garbage” than about issues that revolve around, say, feeling powerless or dismissed, Dr. Alsaleem said.

Delve deeper to figure out what sets you off, said Patricia Lamas Alvarez, a couples therapist from South Pasadena, Calif., by asking yourself questions like: “What feeling does this bring up for me? Is it something I felt in childhood?” Then share these insights with your partner.

Ask this question if a loved one is upset.

When Heather Stella, a special-education teacher in upstate New York, has a student who is agitated or overwhelmed, she asks them one question: Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?

This simple question, Jancee Dunn discovered, works just as well in adult relationships. It shows empathy, respects boundaries, calms swirling emotions and helps partners take positive action.

Finding out whether your loved one wants to be helped, heard or hugged is really asking, “How can I meet your needs?” said Jada Jackson, a licensed mental health counselor in Dallas.

Defuse a fight with four simple phrases.

Here’s a situation that might seem familiar: As a conflict with your partner rises, you picture a thought-balloon above their head and fill it with whatever you imagine they are thinking.

This relationship-sabotaging habit is known as “unconscious storytelling,” said Terrence Real, a family therapist and the author of “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” and “it can escalate an argument and distort the issue.” Instead of making assumptions that are possibly untrue, Mr. Real counsels people to share perceived slights using a therapeutic tool known as “the feedback wheel.”

It consists of four prompts: This is what I saw or heard. This is what I made up about it. This is how I felt. This is what would help me feel better. (The final statement, is vital, because “you can’t complain about not getting what you never asked for.” Mr. Real said.)

This process can help you shift from anger to vulnerability, Mr. Real said, so you can communicate respectfully, without placing blame.

Beware of ‘phubbing.’

“Phubbing” — a portmanteau of “phone” and “snubbing” — is an admittedly goofy word. But research shows that ignoring your partner to engage with your phone can lead to marital dissatisfaction and distrust.

“It really can have an impact,” said Anthony Chambers, the chief academic officer at the Family Institute at Northwestern University, even if one partner is just glancing briefly at his or her phone in the middle of a conversation.

Couples should set clear rules around phone use, said Katherine Hertlein, a professor at the Kirk Kerkorian School of Medicine at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who studies the effect of technology on couples and families. Consider setting phone-free zones, like the dinner table or bedroom.

And don’t let resentments simmer. “As soon as you’re starting to identify those feelings of being hurt or frustrated or being snubbed,” Dr. Chambers said, “those are the times when you need to let your partner know.”

Increase your tolerance for talking about sex.

Most people rarely talk about sex with their partners, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and co-author of “Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.” Or, as she previously told The Times, they discuss it only when there’s an issue.

But Ms. Marin believes communication is the foundation of a satisfying sex life, and talking about it is a skill partners can learn. She recommends starting with compliments, maybe about your partner’s appearance or about the connection you share. It can increase intimacy, and ease you into talking about sex on a more regular basis.

Or, consider a “sexual state of the union,” said Emily Morse, a sex educator who told The Times that couples should have a frank conversation about how things are going about once a month.

Keep it brief — not more than 10 minutes, Ms. Morse said — and try to be compassionate and open. Ask questions like: What would you like to see more of in our sex life?

Make the most of outside help.

Many couples delay seeing a therapist until they are stuck in patterns that have calcified, said Orna Guralnik, a Manhattan-based clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst featured in the Showtime documentary series “Couples Therapy.” At that point, she said, love (or good will) may have run out.

Still, experts acknowledged that finding a couples therapist could be time-consuming and difficult. Online digital directories, like those of Psychology Today and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, can be a useful starting point. When you find a therapist, ask preliminary questions like: What will working with you be like? Have you dealt with my issue before? How do you handle secrets?

And don’t be afraid to offer feedback about your sessions, said Vanessa Bradden, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder and clinical director of Lakeview Therapy Group in Chicago.

“If somebody came to me and said: ‘Hey, you know what? In that last session I really wanted you to be a little more direct with me,’” she said, “I would love that.”

Complete Article HERE!

Tips on How to Increase Penis Sensitivity

— Experiencing a decrease in penis sensitivity can be a frustrating experience and something that people don’t often talk about. However, there are effective solutions available that can increase penis sensitivity and restore the pleasure experienced during sexual activities. This article will explore these solutions and provide valuable insights to help you regain a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experience.

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  • Penis desensitization refers to reduced sensitivity in the penis, which can cause frustration and diminished sexual satisfaction.
  • People seek to enhance penis sensitivity for increased pleasure, intimacy, and sexual performance, leading to improved sexual satisfaction, confidence, and body image.
  • Penis desensitization may result from overstimulation, specific techniques, nerve damage, circulation problems, Peyronie’s disease, medications, age, psychological factors, hormone imbalances, drugs, alcohol, or medical conditions.
  • Treatments may involve lifestyle changes, medical management, and the use of products or exercises like Kegel exercises, cock rings, and topical solutions.

People seek to enhance penis sensitivity for various reasons, including heightened pleasure, improved intimacy, and enhanced sexual performance. Increased sensitivity in the penis plays a significant role in sexual experiences, allowing for a wide range of pleasurable sensations, deeper emotional connections with partners, and improved sexual response. It contributes to higher levels of sexual satisfaction, fosters better communication between partners, boosts sexual confidence, and positively impacts body image.

Understanding penis desensitization

Penis desensitization refers to experiencing reduced sensation in the penis compared to previous levels. While some sensitivity remains, it is noticeably less than what was previously experienced, leading to frustration and diminished sexual satisfaction. It is essential to distinguish this condition from a completely numb penis, where a person is unable to feel any sensation in certain areas or the entire penis.

What causes penis desensitization?

Penis desensitization can be caused by various factors, including:

  • Overstimulation or rough handling. Penis desensitization can be caused by overstimulation or rough handling during sexual activities, including gripping the penis too firmly during masturbation. Frequent or intense sexual activity without sufficient breaks in between can lead to temporary desensitization.
  • Specific masturbation techniques. Using a specific masturbation technique consistently may cause the penis to get used to that particular stimulation, making it challenging to experience pleasure through other means.
  • Nerve damage. Nerve damage in the penis can decrease sensitivity by disrupting the transmission of signals between the penis and the brain, leading to reduced sensation and responsiveness to sexual stimulation.
  • Circulation issues. Circulation issues can contribute to penile desensitization by affecting blood flow to the penis. Reduced blood flow can impact the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to the penile nerves and tissues, leading to decreased sensitivity.
  • Sitting for long periods. Prolonged sitting or bike riding can contribute to penile desensitization, as the pressure and reduced blood flow in the pelvic region can affect nerve sensitivity in the penis.
  • Peyronie’s disease. Peyronie’s disease involves the development of fibrous scar tissue, or plaques, within the penis, leading to penile curvature. This can also decrease sensitivity due to scarring.
  • Certain medications. Certain medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) used to treat depression and medications used to treat erectile dysfunction, have been associated with a decrease in penis sensitivity.
  • Age. Many people naturally experience decreased penis sensitivity as they age due to hormonal changes, reduced blood flow and nerve functioning, and medical conditions.
  • Psychological factors. Depression, stress, and anxiety are among the psychological factors that can contribute to penile desensitization.
  • Hormone imbalances. Hormone imbalances, such as hypogonadism, where the body doesn’t produce the correct amount of hormones, can cause a decrease in penis sensitivity.
  • Drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs, including nicotine, can decrease sensitivity in the penis by affecting the nervous system and blood flow, leading to reduced nerve responsiveness and impaired circulation.
  • Certain medical conditions. Medical conditions and diseases such as diabetes, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, prostate disease or infections, and sexually transmitted infections can cause the penis to become desensitized.

How can you increase penis sensitivity?

Treatments for increasing penis sensitivity can vary depending on the underlying factors causing desensitization. Here are some potential approaches to enhance penis sensitivity:

  • Overstimulation or rough handling. To prevent overstimulation and rough handling, practice moderation during sexual activity and masturbation. Consider using lubrication to reduce friction and protect the delicate penile tissues. Experiment with different techniques and pressure levels to find what works best for maintaining sensitivity.
  • Nerve damage. If nerve damage is the cause of decreased sensitivity, consult a healthcare professional to identify the underlying condition and explore treatment options. Managing conditions like diabetes or multiple sclerosis can help preserve nerve function and potentially improve sensitivity.
  • Circulation issues. To enhance penile blood flow and sensitivity, maintain a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise, a balanced diet, and avoiding smoking. Consult a healthcare provider to manage circulatory issues that may contribute to decreased sensitivity.
  • Sitting for long periods. If your lifestyle involves extended periods of sitting, take frequent breaks to stand and move around. Invest in a cushioned seat or use ergonomic aids to reduce pressure on the pelvic area. If you are a regular bike rider, choose a seat that is wider and has cushioning.
  • Peyronie’s disease. If diagnosed with Peyronie’s disease, seek guidance from a urologist or specialist. They may recommend treatments like medications, traction devices, or surgery to address the condition and improve sensitivity.
  • Certain medications. If you suspect medications are affecting your penile sensitivity, consult your healthcare provider. They may adjust your medication or recommend alternative treatments to minimize side effects on sexual function.
  • Age. Adopt a healthy lifestyle to counteract the effects of aging on sensitivity. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and stress management can positively impact sexual health and function.
  • Psychological factors. Engage in stress-reducing activities like meditation, yoga, or hobbies to promote relaxation and improve overall well-being. Seek guidance from a mental health practitioner to address underlying psychological factors that may contribute to desensitization.
  • Hormone imbalances. Consult a healthcare professional for hormone testing and appropriate treatments if you suspect hormonal imbalances. Hormone replacement therapy may be recommended to address decreased sensitivity due to low testosterone levels.
  • Drugs and alcohol. Limit alcohol and drug consumption, as they can affect sexual function and sensitivity. Moderation or abstaining from these substances can lead to improved sexual experiences.
  • Certain medical conditions. Properly manage medical conditions like diabetes or cardiovascular disease with the help of healthcare professionals. Effective management can improve overall health and potentially restore penile sensitivity.

Are there products or exercises that can help?

Along with addressing any underlying causes of decreased sensitivity, several products and exercises can be beneficial.

Kegel exercises, which strengthen pelvic floor muscles, may enhance blood flow to the genital area, which could lead to increased sensitivity. Cock rings restrict blood flow out of the penis, which enhances erections and may intensify sensations. Various creams, sprays, and lubricants are available that can be applied directly on the penis, which stimulates the skin and potentially increases sensitivity.

When to seek professional help

When the decrease in sensitivity significantly impacts your sexual pleasure and daily life, or if you experience numbness in your penis or suspect an underlying condition contributing to the reduced sensitivity, seeking professional help is essential. Start by consulting a sexologist or a general practitioner who can guide you to the relevant specialist based on the underlying cause, ensuring you receive appropriate and targeted treatment for your specific needs.

How to communicate with your partner

Having open and honest communication with your partner about penile sensitivity is essential for maintaining a strong and intimate relationship. Sharing your feelings and experiences through “I” statements can help your partner understand the physical and emotional impact the decreased sensitivity may have on you. Approach the conversation with empathy and compassion, emphasizing that it is a medical condition rather than something caused by their actions.

Encourage your partner to actively participate in the discussion, seeking solutions as a team. Show appreciation for their understanding and support while addressing the issue. Being open about your needs and concerns allows your partner to be more empathetic and supportive, fostering a deeper connection and a more fulfilling sexual experience for both of you. Remember that communication is the key to overcoming challenges and building a strong and intimate bond with your partner.

Complete Article HERE!

A sex educator explains orgasms

— Plus an exercise for expanded pleasure

The best orgasms come when you learn how to unlock a sexual “flow state.” Emily Nagoski, a sex educator, shares a meditation to help you get started.

With Emily Nagoski

EMILY NAGOSKI: Unfortunately, virtually all of the orgasms that are available to us in the mainstream media and in porn are fake. The classic example, of course, is “When Harry Met Sally,” Meg Ryan.

MEG RYAN: ‘Yes, yes, yes!’

EMILY NAGOSKI: Actually, what orgasm looks and sounds and feels like varies tremendously from person to person. But how do we learn about orgasm? We learn it from media, and we learn it from porn, and then we think we are doing it wrong if that’s not what our orgasm is like. And we’re not, we’re doing it right, we’re just not doing it the way we were told. And if other people have a problem with the way our orgasms actually are, those are not the people you have sex with. So the first thing we should talk about is what an orgasm actually is. Then we should talk about how they actually happen. Followed, of course, by why they sometimes don’t. And then at the end, I’ll give you some tips to have the biggest, most expansive orgasm you’ve had in your life.

I think people believe that orgasm is a genital function. It is not. Sometimes genitals are involved, but orgasm is something that happens in the brain. And there is a reliable neurological marker for when orgasm happens. And it depends how you measure it. If you measure it one way, at orgasm, the prefrontal cortex goes dark- all of the inhibitory impulses just vanish. In a different kind of machine, the brain lights up everywhere. It’s a whole brain response, orgasm. You have to have a brain to have an orgasm. How we experience an orgasm as pleasurable or not depends on the context in which we’re experiencing it. So when you have a great, sex-positive context, orgasm can feel really good. But for some people, they might have an orgasm during unwanted sex. In that case, the orgasm feels like a betrayal, like their body has done something wrong and they feel broken.

So what orgasm actually is, here’s the definition I use: “It is the spontaneous involuntary release of neuromuscular tension generated in response to sex-related stimuli.” People can have orgasms from having their toes sucked. People can have orgasms from having their ear lobe sucked. People can have orgasms through breath and imagination. The only measure of an orgasm is whether or not you wanted and liked it. If you wanted and liked it, then it doesn’t matter what kind of stimulation got you there. Whatever works for you, is what works for you.

So we can’t even necessarily differentiate between which organ in your body is causing the orgasm to happen. There’s only one: There’s a brain orgasm. We can really struggle around an issue like orgasm, which seems so simple, but we’re taught that our identities are tied to our ability to have orgasms. One of the common experiences for people who struggle with orgasm is this thing that sex therapists call “spectatoring.” Where instead of enjoying the sensations that are happening in your body, you’re sort of watching your body; and worrying about it and thinking about is your face okay, should you be bending your spine in that direction? And all of that worry about your body is just keeping the brakes on and making it more difficult for you to enjoy the sex you are having.

Charles Carver, the researcher in Florida who, with his colleagues, developed this mechanism called ‘Criterion velocity and the discrepancy-reducing increasing feedback loop.’ I just call it “the little monitor.” And it’s as if there is a little monitor in your brain that knows what your goal is. It keeps track of how much effort you put in toward that goal, and it notices how much progress you’re making toward that goal. And it has a strong opinion about the ratio of effort to progress. When your little monitor switches its assessment of your goal from being attainable to being unattainable, it pushes you off an emotional cliff from frustrated rage down into a pit of despair.

The ironic intervention when you’re struggling with orgasm is take orgasm entirely off the table for a long time, months at a time, and just explore your erotic landscape: experience high levels of arousal, and lower levels of arousal, and feel what it feels like to approach orgasm knowing that you are not going to have one. The reason we take away the goal entirely is to help the monitor relax. Are you achieving your goal? If your goal is pleasure, and your little monitor is like “Pleasure: check!” your monitor is released from the necessity of judging you and trying to motivate you to work harder. Working harder to have an orgasm is rarely the thing that’s gonna get people where they wanna go. And if people struggle too long and they feel like there’s something wrong with them and they’re broken, they absolutely find themselves in a pit of despair. And if you’re feeling in a dark place because there’s something wrong with your orgasms: connection with other people, connection is the most important antidote to the darkness. The only measure of an orgasm is whether or not you wanted and liked it. If you practice experiencing pleasure without making it goal-oriented or trying to achieve orgasm, but rather just to experience all the pleasurable sensations your body is capable of, you win every time.

So here’s an exercise that helps you to expand your orgasms: Anyone with any set of genitals of any gender identity can practice this. You can do it alone or with a partner. This takes about an hour, generally, and it takes a lot of practice. You gotta choose how you spend your time. You could do this or you could just like watch Netflix. It is not necessary in order to be a sexually-well person by any means; it is the equivalent of running a marathon. Nobody needs to do it, but if you need a hobby, I recommend this one. Versions of this are part of tantric meditations where they use Kundalini breathing in order to access different spiritual states, but ultimately, it’s about the physiology of how orgasm tension generates and dissipates. And when you can get to a place where as much tension is coming in as is going out at the same time, it’s like every cell in your body is resonating at the same rhythm, like you’re a bell that’s ringing. You’re gonna notice some things about this practice that will probably remind you of mindfulness or other forms of meditation, especially breath meditation.

I’m gonna ask you to pay attention to the sensations that are happening in your body. And that comes really easily to some people, and for others, it is quite difficult. They get distracted, and that’s fine. Like a mindfulness practice, if you notice other distracting thoughts come along, and maybe it’s a thought about body self-criticism, maybe it’s a thought about the past, just, “Hello, distracting thought. I’m gonna put you on a shelf right now, and I’m gonna turn my attention back to the sensations that are happening all over my body.”

Every orgasm is different from every other orgasm, but there are some strategies that work for a lot of people to move in the direction of having quite an enormous orgasm. You imagine arousal from like zero, not at all aroused to 10, currently having an orgasm. You stimulate yourself in whatever way works for you up to about a five, and then you allow that arousal to dissipate. You let yourself get back down to a one. So a one just feels like just barely any attention drifting toward orgasm. And then you stimulate yourself back up to a six, right? This is still a middle level of arousal. You’re not very aroused, you’re nowhere near orgasm. And then you allow your arousal to drift back down to a two and then you stimulate yourself back up to a seven. And if you are at the beginning of this process, you’re gonna be learning what seven feels like versus a three, which you’re gonna let your arousal drift back down to a three, and then you’re going up to an eight. And at eight, you’re real aroused. You might see the orgasm train coming to the station. It’s not there yet, but you can hear it- there’s a whistle. And then you allow your arousal to drift back down to a four or a five. And then you go up to an eight and a half, go back down to a six. And up to a nine.

Now when you get to a nine, the orgasm train is pulling into the station and the doors are opening and you would like to get on, but you’re gonna put active effort into allowing your arousal to dissipate. Remember, it’s neurophysiological tension, so you’re just going to allow the tension. You’re literally going to breathe and soften all the muscles of your body because as you get to that eight, eight and a half, nine level of arousal, you’re gonna begin to experience carpal pedal spasms, carpal like carpal tunnel syndrome. Your hands are gonna clutch and your feet are gonna point and your ankles. And that’s involuntary. And you’re gonna make a voluntary choice to soften all of your muscles and let your arousal go back down to a seven, which is a high level of arousal but it’s not an eight or a nine. And you go back up to a nine and a half. Now at a nine and a half, you’ve got one foot on the train and it might feel like it’s pulling outta the station. And you know what? If the train pulls outta the station while you’re on the orgasm train, “Oh dear, you had an orgasm.” That’s not failure, right? But, if you can, you keep your foot off the orgasm train and you go back down to an eight, nine and three quarters and an eight and a half, and a 9.85 where you are really close like you can feel the orgasm right there. And you’re gonna soften all the muscles in your body from your core out to the periphery. And at this point, you are oscillating right at the peak of where orgasm is. And if you can maintain a balance of tension generation and tension relaxation, you can stay in that state and sustain it indefinitely.

Complete Article HERE!

How to talk about a kink or fetish with your partner

— Being honest about our sexual desires can feel like sharing a secret – here’s some tips on how to broach the conversation

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When telling your partner about a particular kink or fetish you have, here’s some pretty solid advice: “Don’t sit them down to tell them you’ve ordered vampire gloves and a fuck cage and that you want them to use them on you.”

At least, that’s what Lucy* recommends, who believes that it’s better to start small. BDSM is a spectrum, after all. Lucy’s kink is rough sex (but “only with the right man”) and being dominated. Before vocally broaching this with existing partners, Lucy tends to hint at these desires during sex. “If you like your hair pulled, or think you’d like it, make lots of noise of pleasure if they put their hands in your hair,” she suggests. “Give your partner confidence; tell them what’s amazing with your voice, sounds, body, and reactions.”

She’s also into shibari, a form of rope bondage that centres on visual aesthetics, but usually brings this up a little later – and eases them in. “I explain how liberating and freeing I find being tied up,” says Lucy. “I use life-drawing classes as my comparison, and show them pictures of me clothed in a non-sexual dynamic with my rigger.”

Although new partners tend to figure out their shared politics, values, and relationship goals early on, for many, discussions about sexual desires tend to come later – if at all. Combine this with the fact that many non-‘traditional’ sexual practices still remain taboo, and suddenly, being honest with your partner about your desires can feel like a daunting task.

“Telling a partner about a fetish can be like sharing a secret,” says Judith Langer, a sexologist who works at the sex-positive community JOYclub. “We make ourselves vulnerable, and that requires courage. This might be the first time you have openly spoken about your kink, it might be less common, you may even be unsure of your own feelings, and you might be uncertain about how your partner will react. All of these factors can understandably cause anxiety.”

Still, that doesn’t mean you should shy away from sharing the secret – after all, vulnerability can make for a stronger relationship and a more intimate sex life. Plus, your partner may share your desire and it’ll be another way you connect. Or, they might not; but that doesn’t mean they’ll react badly, nor that the two of you are destined to be sexually incompatible.

Before you talk to your partner about a kink (something that increases your pleasure, but isn’t essential) or fetish (something that you need for arousal and pleasure), you might want to explore kink for yourself first, especially if it’s new to you. This can involve watching different types of porn, exploring materials, smells, sounds, or aesthetics that you find pleasurable, learning about the kink via podcasts, articles, talks, or classes, and experimenting with solo play. “Doing a little bit of this on your own can better equip you for having conversations with a partner,” says Sophia Rose, a London-based facilitator, educator, and artist working with consent, rope bondage, kink, and sexuality. “Consent and getting in touch with our limits and boundaries starts with ourselves.”

There’s no right way to then share this interest with your partner, and the way you approach it will depend on your relationship to them, your sexual history, whether you’re sharing a kink or a fetish, and what type of kink or fetish it is. Having said that, there are some general tips that are worth considering.

Complete Article HERE!

9 Benefits of Sex Therapy

—The benefits of sex therapy are multiple and go beyond those related to sexual dysfunctions. Take note of all the information.

By Valeria Sabater

Currently, a significant part of the population is unaware of all the benefits of sex therapy. There’s still a certain stigma and the classic belief that only those who present some dysfunction, such as anorgasmia or premature ejaculation, go to these professionals. However, this methodology addresses multiple dynamics and needs.

It’s important to know that its most relevant purpose is to make you feel good. Such an objective implies achieving everything from having satisfactory intimate relationships to building happier bonds with your partner.

Addressing concerns and possible traumas or even giving you guidelines to guide your adolescent children on issues related to sex are also some of the benefits of sex therapy. In this article, we’ll explain everything this form of therapy does for you.

What are the benefits of sex therapy?

Sex therapy was developed in the 1960s, thanks to the marriage of William Masters and Virginia Johnson. Their book, Human Sexual Response (1966), was quite revolutionary because it broke down many prejudices and taboos. Since then, this approach has been strengthened, and it integrates the medical model with the psychological one.

The technique is feasible both for individuals and for couples and is based on conversation that creates a framework of trust from which to provide solutions and tools for having a more harmonious life on both emotional and sexual levels. In addition, it has great scientific endorsement and, every day, contributes to recovering the well-being of thousands of people. Below, we’ll describe the main benefits of sex therapy.

1. It contributes to having a more satisfying sex life

Sex life with your partner may no longer be as exciting or satisfying as it used to be. Sometimes, without any physiological problem, there’s something wrong and it’s difficult to restore that special harmony you used to share. A work published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior indicates that one of the most common causes for which therapy is sought is a discrepancy in sexual desire.

The fact that one partner in the relationship wants to have sex more often, while the other avoids it, is common. Therefore, something a sex therapist will guide and help you with is having a full intimate life. This implies resolving any difficulties, disagreements, or inconveniences in this area.

2. The treatment of sexual problems

Throughout our lives, people can go through different sexual problems. Sometimes it’s a difficulty in achieving an orgasm, while, in other cases, conditioning factors such as menopause, times of stress, or suffering from a disease play a part when it comes to enjoying intimate relationships.

Mayo Clinic Proceedings reports something important in a study. A significant portion of sexual dysfunctions in women go unrecognized and untreated. Men are also often reticent on this issue. For this reason, it’s important for society to become aware of the benefits of sexual therapy. Next, we’ll go into detail about the conditions that the methodology usually addresses:

  • Phobias
  • Paraphilias and sexual fixations
  • Vaginismus
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Male impotence
  • Hypoactive sexual disorder
  • Female Orgasmic Disorder
  • Male Orgasmic Disorder
  • Possible sexual addictions
  • Sexual problems in menopause
  • Dyspareunia (painful intercourse)
  • Sexual difficulties associated with aging
  • Sexual problems associated with other diseases
  • Improving the sex life of couples during and after pregnancy
  • Improving the sex life of people with physical or psychological disabilities

3. Discovery of the most powerful sexual organ

The most decisive sexual organ is your brain, and the best way to have a satisfying sex life is to stimulate your imagination. In this way, some aspects that you’ll work on in therapy are your fantasies and desires.

These dimensions are extraordinary channels for awakening eroticism and enlivening your relationship as a couple, deactivating prejudices, and dismissing shame.

4. Reducing fears and anxiety

Have you heard of sexual performance anxiety? There are many people who doubt their ability to offer pleasure to their partners. The fear of not being up to the task, failing, or appearing clumsy or inexperienced is a frequent reality in clinical practice.

For this reason, one of the benefits of sex therapy is to address fears related to sex. There are multiple strategies that make it easier to effectively resolve insecurities in order to have a rewarding sex life.

Likewise, therapists always create a space of empathy, security, and trust from which to clarify your doubts and receive effective advice in any area. Psychoeducation on sexual matters also falls within their tasks.

The pharmaceutical industry seeks to provide a solution to sexual dysfunctions that can be addressed through sex therapy. Many of the problems in this area have more to do with mental factors than with physiological conditions.

5. Overcoming sexual trauma

An article in the scientific journal Frontiers in Psychology highlights that patients with sexual trauma need a special type of care that provides adequate security and respect for their personal history. Sex therapy has always addressed such delicate realities as abuse, rape, or mistreatment in couple relationships.

6. Enhanced intimacy and emotional connection

Authentic pleasure in sex doesn’t occur in the body but originates in the brain, as we’ve already suggested. If you’re in crisis with your partner and there are unaddressed grudges or disagreements, it’ll be difficult to enjoy intimacy. Given this, a sex therapist guides you to promote coexistence and connection with your loved one through the following strategies:

  • Teaching resources to solve problems
  • Offering techniques that improve communication
  • Providing strategies to revive desire in the relationship
  • Facilitating spaces in which partners can get to know each other in a more intimate and profound way
  • Collaborating in better regulating emotions in order to connect in a meaningful way

7. Sex therapy allows you to get to know yourself much better

One of the most notable benefits of sex therapy is its impact on your mental health. Sex goes beyond the biological field: It’s also a psychological dimension and, above all, a cultural one. Sometimes, the way you’re educated or even the prejudices you have on this subject condition your ability to enjoy a full life in this regard.

The specialist in this area will allow you to explore and get to know yourself better as a person. You’ll be able to understand your sexuality, fantasies, and desires. No matter your age or the personal moment in which you find yourself, you always have time to look within yourself, drop your defenses, reformulate misconceptions about sex, and enjoy it.

8. It’s an inclusive therapy

Today’s sex therapy is also inclusive. What does this mean? You can find therapists trained in sexual diversity. McGill University in Montreal alludes to the advances that exist right now. This clinical field moves with our times and works to challenge stereotypes and promote a more inclusive and equitable vision of sexuality.

In this way, members of the LGBTIQ+ community benefit from more sensitive, trained, and effective attention to their particular needs and realities.

9. The prevention of future problems

Sex therapy not only addresses problems and educates us in the field of sexuality, but it also has a decisive role in prevention. Even if right now you feel good in your life as a couple and have good intimate health, it never hurts to learn new tools to avoid or address possible future problems.

Knowing, for example, how daily stress affects sexuality or how to respond to monotony in your emotional bond through new approaches are strategies that therapists educate you.

How to find a sex therapist who can help me?

Remember, you don’t have to wait for serious problems in order to start sex therapy. It’s best to go as soon as you have a concern or doubts or don’t feel satisfaction with your intimate life. If you want to look for a therapist in this area, look at the fields in which they specialize. There are some professionals who exclusively address organic or medical aspects.

However, most are prepared to treat both possible dysfunctions and relational problems and advise you on any aspect related to sexuality. Always contact specialists who follow techniques backed by science and don’t forget the most decisive thing: Being honest. Don’t be afraid to express your needs and concerns. Only then will you receive the best care possible.

It might interest you…

Complete Article HERE!

Beyond condoms and bananas

— The questions kids ask show the changing reality of sex education

If children and teenagers go looking for answers to their awkward questions on Google, what exactly will they find?

By Maani Truu

James* was in Year 3 when he walked up to his teacher and asked her what a 69 was.

He had heard the number being joked about by other students and wanted to know what on earth they were talking about.

Not satisfied with the teacher’s response, he tried another teacher, and then another, who promptly told him to stop asking. A phone call from the school to his mother set in motion a conversation that’s still ongoing to this day.

Now 11 years old and in Year 5 at an inner-Sydney public school, James matter-of-factly describes his peers talking about “Porn Hub”, performatively “moaning” in front of teachers, or looking up sexually explicit anime, known as “hentai”, at sleepovers.

“Most kids just say stuff because they’ve heard other kids say stuff,” he says, speaking with the permission of his parents.

“But the other kids know what they’re doing … like telling younger kids how to get on to certain websites, telling kids how to turn off Google Safe Search so their parents or anyone can’t track them.”

Rowena Thomas, a sex and relationships educator who runs workshops in primary schools across New South Wales, is well acquainted with kids’ curly questions. You can see some of the ones she’s asked throughout this article.

A white post it note that reads, in handwriting: "Should I be scared if I have seen porn" next to a doodle of a scared face.

That curiosity is nothing new, but widespread access to the internet and the terabytes of graphic and often violent pornography it hosts has given rise to a fresh set of concerns: if children and teenagers are left to go looking for answers to their awkward questions on Google, what exactly will they find?

Last month, this harsh reality was at the heart of a heated debate over a brightly-coloured sexual education book that offers frank explanations of how sex works, the myths and taboos surrounding it, masturbation, and consent, alongside cartoon drawings of body parts.

Vocal critics of Welcome To Sex, written by broadcaster Yumi Stynes and former Dolly Doctor Melissa Kang, argued the book was inappropriate for children (the book is marketed to teens between 12 and 15), leading to it being pulled from Big W shelves.

The book cover of Welcome to Sex.
Welcome to Sex, by Dr Melissa Kang and Yumi Stynes, was removed from Big W shelves following backlash.

Others hit back that books like Welcome to Sex are a crucial counter to harmful content readily available online. The furore was raised in a senate inquiry into consent laws, where author and advocate Jess Hill said it showed “just how little adults know about the sex lives and sex education of young people”.

At the heart of the debate were simple questions, complicated by the complicated emotions that so often inform views on sex. When, where and from who should young people access information about sex, and perhaps more importantly, how does this measure up to the reality of what’s already happening?

“We need to be talking about the dangers of pornography, just like we talk about the dangers of swimming in a rip or riding a bike without a helmet,” Ms Thomas says.

“Parents aren’t talking about it because they don’t think that their nice child would watch pornography — very nice kids watch pornography because they’re curious.”

How young people are learning about sex

Ms Thomas has been teaching sex and relationship education for 30 years and over that time, she says, children have become “much more inquisitive, much more open, and much more honest”.

Her anonymous question box has given thousands of students a place to direct the queries that they’re too embarrassed to ask anyone else. Scribbled on colourful notes and peppered with misspelt words, they provide a snapshot into what students already know, and crucially, what they don’t.

A woman with dark hair and red glasses points to a projection behind her that says SEX in giant letters.
Rowena Thomas has been teaching sex and relationships education for 30 years.

Some of the questions are childishly naive (“Can sperm drown?”), others are imbued with genuine concern (“Is it normal to have public hair at the age of 10?”), but the question she gets the most usually comes from a place of intense curiosity: “What does the number 69 mean?”

“I hear it nearly every day,” Ms Thomas says. “So parents think that immediately they have to go into talking about oral sex, but that’s not what the kids are asking. The kids are just curious, the number 69, what on earth does it mean?”

Sometimes they’ve heard it in the playground, like James, or from an older sibling. But it’s the information source in kids’ pockets that she’s most worried about. Just under half of all Australian children between the ages of six and 13 use a mobile phone, and one in three have their own phone, according to data collected by the Australian Communications and Media Authority in 2020.

While parental controls are available to limit what apps and websites young people can access, they aren’t fail-safe. Not only are increasingly tech-literate young people adept at bypassing them, it just takes one student with lenient controls for information to spread through school grounds.

“Not every kid is watching porn, but a couple of kids in the class are watching porn, you can tell in nearly every class,” Ms Thomas says. “They get shown stuff, they get air-dropped pictures, they’re maybe at a friend’s house … and they want to fit in.”

A peach post-it note hat reads, in messy handwriting: "Why is there different type of sex."

Most children see pornography long before they ever have sex, and it only takes a few taps to go from a Google search to a plethora of hardcore videos depicting unrealistic and harmful sexual encounters. “How sad is that? Because that’s not what sex should be like,” Ms Thomas says. “As soon as a child gets access to the internet, we should be saying to them: ‘If you see a naked picture online, I would be so proud of you if you tell me’.”

Most of the time Ms Thomas is teaching Year 4 to Year 6 students, which means she has to find age-appropriate ways to introduce tricky topics. Her sessions cover a lot of ground, from bodies and puberty, to sexual health, and staying safe online, which includes pornography (though she calls it “unsafe or inappropriate pictures”). Sometimes she delivers pared-back workshops on bodily safety and consent to kindergarteners.

With younger children, for example, she might introduce bodily boundaries in the context of hugging or tickling. With older students, there’s more of a focus on building healthy relationships.

“Age appropriate is a very difficult thing to talk about because it really does depend on your kid,” Ms Thomas says. “But every child is definitely mature enough to be talking about this stuff, in an age-appropriate way, according to where you think your child is at.”

She is big on caregivers being “askable adults”, something she focuses on when she runs workshops for parents. If a child comes forward with a question or story, no matter how shocking or awkward, she encourages adults to treat it as a positive teaching moment — respond calmly, fake it if you have to, and validate their feelings, rather than shutting down the conversation.

A white piece of paper with a handwritten question that reads: "What happens in your body that makes you have a bonur?"

It’s an approach James’ mother, Lisa*, has adopted. The pair have an open dialogue when it comes to sex, something she felt she didn’t have a choice in once she realised what her son was being exposed to. While James is quick to fill her in on what goes on away from adult eyes, letting her know when one of his peers has been looking up “weird” websites, she’s aware that not all parents are as clued in.

“I do worry that there’s a disconnect between what people think kids are doing these days and what kids are doing, and that divide is only going to get larger if we don’t start seeing it for what it is,” Lisa says. “If he was in Year 4 when he first heard moaning [in the playground], there would be kids in kindergarten hearing it now, because it’s not going away.”

Lisa believes her son’s school has a porn problem, one that neither teachers, principals, nor parents know how to deal with despite her attempts to raise it. “They’re sticking their heads in the sand,” she says. “It’s not that they don’t know, it’s that they don’t want to know.”

The talk no one wants to have

Jennifer Power, an associate professor at La Trobe University’s Australian Centre in Sex, Health and Society, says it’s not surprising that parents shy away from having these conversations with their children. “They’re not sure what’s age-appropriate, or when to raise these issues, let alone how to do it,” she says. “They’re not comfortable. The kids are uncomfortable. No one wants to have that conversation, and they’re worried they’re going to get it all wrong.”

Just because young people aren’t opening up to their parents about sex, doesn’t mean they’re not engaging in it. A 2021 survey run by La Trobe University and funded by the Department of Health found the average age for first viewing pornography was 13.6, and the average age for first experience of oral, vaginal and anal sex was 15. More than half of Year 11 and Year 12 students said they had sexual experience or were currently sexually active.

A blue post-it note that reads, in messy handwriting: "Is sperm consciously released or is it just randomly released?"

The survey included the responses of almost 8,000 Year 11 and 12 students, from a range of different backgrounds and schools, however, it only recruited respondents through social media advertising, meaning it’s possible the results skewed to reflect students who were sexually aware or comfortable discussing the topic.

Despite half of the respondents stating they had sexual experience, only 25 per cent of the total cohort felt their most recent relationship and sexual education class at school was “very or extremely relevant to them”.

“When we asked people to explain that … the thing that really stood out was people saying they thought they would learn more about sex,” Dr Power says. “It’s not tapping into what young people are looking to learn about and I suspect young people probably go online to try and find that stuff out.”

The national curriculum — which is used in all states and territories except Western Australia, Victoria and New South Wales, which have their own syllabus informed by the national curriculum — includes broad mandatory topics, like reproduction and sexual health, contraception, and relationship and dating safety. What these lessons actually look like, however, is much more open to interpretation and varies from school to school, teacher to teacher.

Curtin University sexologist Jacqueline Hendriks believes this lack of detail is a problem. As a comparison, she points to the United Kingdom’s curriculum which states in detail what students are expected to learn, such as: “facts about the full range of contraceptive choices” and “how to recognise the characteristics and positive aspects of healthy one-to-one intimate relationships”.

Teachers are often also not specifically trained in delivering sex education, she says, which can lead them to default to topics and lessons they are familiar with. “Because they’ve not been trained in sexuality education, they’ve not seen it in practice, they’re not comfortable doing it,” she says.

A yellow post-it note that reads, in messy handwriting: "What is discharge and what does it look like?"

The lack of training, along with time constraints, is why schools frequently opt to bring in outside educators or speakers to cover the material. Often this takes the form of a one-off workshop or lecture, something Dr Hendriks says is counter to the best-practice approach of building up lessons over time.

“It’s much easier to get a guest speaker in, chuck every kid in an auditorium and lecture to them for an hour, so they [the school] can tick the box,” she says. “That can sometimes be a great starting point, but you want a lot of little lessons over time … and if it’s done well, it actually does take time, and schools don’t necessarily have that luxury.”

Overall, looking internationally, Dr Hendriks says Australia is about middle-of-the-road when it comes to the delivery of quality sex education but adds that any efforts at improvement are an uphill battle. “We are constantly fighting to be able to deliver really comprehensive and contemporary programs, there’s always push-back,” she says. “It’s always two steps forward, one step back.”

That’s partly because some parents and politicians would prefer schools steer clear of sex altogether. Just last month, the Queensland Liberal National Party voted against sexual consent being taught in schools at their annual state conference, with members arguing that it should be the responsibility of parents.

How sex ed is changing

Dr Hendriks started working in sex education in the ’90s, shortly after the HIV epidemic had spurred educators into teaching the topic in schools for the first time. The lessons were largely focused on sexually-transmitted disease, and weaponised fear to stop young people from becoming sexually active, “but at least we were able to talk about it in schools”, she says.

In the decades since, what constitutes sex ed — officially called sex and relationships education or RSE — has expanded far beyond the tokenistic demonstration of how to put a condom on a banana.

A pink post-it note that reads, in messy handwriting: "How do I teach myself how to love myself?"

There have been moves to increase representation of diverse sexualities and gender, and steps to educate young people about sexual violence. Most recently the national curriculum was updated to explicitly include lessons on consent, following a petition by advocate Chanel Contos calling for it to be made compulsory.

While Dr Hendriks says these are positive steps, she’s worried the focus on sexual violence signals a return to the fear-based rhetoric of the past. “It’s still about violence prevention, as opposed to, let’s look at it from a positive viewpoint,” she says, “like you’re growing up and your body is changing and you may start interacting with other people in a sexual way … here’s how you can do that in a really fun, enjoyable, healthy and respectful way.”

Ms Thomas is more optimistic about where things are heading. “When I work at night with parents and kids, I ask ‘how has this education changed?’ and they say, ‘we’re talking about it more’,” she says. “That’s my whole thing: open, shame-free, honest, lifelong conversations that change as your child gets older. It’s not easy, but it’s awesome because it’s all about connecting with your child.”

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