How To Have Multiple Orgasms

— 9 Tips For Women

Got any evening plans?

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For many women, having one orgasm during sex can be an uphill battle, so the idea of achieving multiple orgasms might seem like the stuff of fiction.

But sex expert Tracey Cox said women are more than able to have multiples. “Because women don’t fall to the post-orgasm resolution phase as quickly as a man does, it’s easier for us to climb back up and have further orgasms in succession,” she told HuffPost UK.

Because we hate feeling left out, and don’t want to wait for National Orgasm Day (31 July), we asked experts how to improve the chances of having multiple orgasms.

1. Do your Kegel exercises.

Disappointingly, having mind-blowing orgasms isn’t all just about having sex and will require a little bit of groundwork before you get to reap the rewards, including doing regular Kegel exercises.

Cox said: “Like the rest of your body, if your pelvic floor muscle is toned and fit, it works better, pumping even more blood to the pelvis (which is great for arousal) and making stronger contractions – giving longer, more intense orgasms.

“Simply squeeze the muscle you use to hold back urine, hold it for two seconds, then release. Do this 20 times, three times per day.”

2. Do work on ‘peaking’ techniques.

They say good things come to those who wait, and no more so than those who don’t just rush straight into an orgasm. Instead, teach yourself to plateau and gradually build to the final moment, rather than rushing ahead.

Cox said: “Peaking involves taking yourself almost to the point of orgasm, waiting for your arousal to subside, then climbing back up again. This trains you to stay in a high state of excitement, following a ‘wave-like’ orgasm pattern, rather than one which starts at the bottom and steadily climbs higher.

“Not only does this optimise the release of endorphins, but it teaches your body to stay in a practically permanent orgasmic pleasure zone, able to orgasm over and over.”

3. Do develop orgasm triggers.

You might think that having sex is your orgasm trigger, but that’s not quite what we mean. Instead learn about the smaller signs that indicate you’re about to have an orgasm, such as your breathing. The more warning your brain gets, the more it will be able to summon the response when you want it.

Tracey Cox said: “Focus on what you naturally do on approach to orgasm, then exaggerate it. If you breathe heavier and faster, breathe even heavier the next time you’re about to climax. If you notice you tense your toes and throw your head back, do that.

“Get to the point where your brain thinks ‘aha deep heavy breathing combined with toe flexing means she’s about to orgasm’! Better get cracking then and make it happen!”

4. Don’t rush into it.

When you think you’re ready to start trying to have multiple orgasms with your partner (or by yourself) remember the golden rule – don’t rush it. For example, you could slowly apply lube to your partner and slowly start again, being aware if your partner is in any discomfort.

Ann Summers’ sex expert Eve Fifer said: “Your body will be much more sensitive after your first orgasm, which means carrying on with heavy stimulation straight away can be painful. And we don’t want that.”

5. Do use different stimulation.

No one likes to be bored in bed, especially your brain. And if you’re expecting yourself to orgasm again and again with the same stimuli then you’re probably going to be disappointed, so mix it up a bit.

“If you have your first via intercourse, you’ve got more chance having another through oral sex than through more penetrative sex,” said Cox.

“A third might be achievable through you masturbating yourself – it’s going to be the hardest to have, so call in the expert (you).”

6. Do take a moment to relax.

There is a big difference between taking a moment to relax between orgasms and just letting your body switch off and go to sleep. Of course it is important to give yourself a brief moment of relaxation (this isn’t meant to be a military boot camp) but stay in the moment and don’t drift away.

“This is what mindfulness is all about,” Fifer added. “Keep your head full of distinctly inappropriate thoughts.”

7. Don’t forget to breathe.

As with relaxing, don’t get so fixated on your orgasm goal that you forget to breathe properly, as this can play a massive part in your likelihood of reaching orgasm for a second or third time.

Cox said: “Some experts say holding your breath on orgasm heightens the sensation, others say if you starve your brain of oxygen, it forces oxygen-giving blood to flow toward it and away from your genitals.

“Continuing to breathe deeply through orgasm is recommended by spiritual sex devotees who claim it means you’re more likely to be able to have a second one.”

8. Don’t forget your partner.

In the midst of all this female orgasm chat, it’s important not to neglect whoever you are in bed with, especially as they may have already had their orgasm and not be feeling in the mood for round two.

“At the end of the day, a woman’s capacity to experience [multiple orgasms], depends on how relaxed and in tune with her body she is, how motivated her partner is, and how little they both have to do,” said Suzi Godson, sex and relationships columnist for The Times.

9. Do remember that practice makes perfect.

As with all things in life, if you want to get good, you’re going to have to put in some practice beforehand.

Fifer said: “Each orgasm will feel more intense than the one before it, and the more you practice the easier you’ll find it to reach the second, and third, and fourth.”

Complete Article HERE!

I Can’t Orgasm, Am I Broken?

By Sriha Srinivasan

The first time I had a go at an orgasm, I tried to plan for everything. Music? Check. Unrealistic erotic content? Check. Privacy? I mean, as much privacy as a young teen could get in her childhood bedroom so…kinda check? Fingers ready, I went for it and as my desire to succeed crescendoed, I didn’t. I felt nothing. Truth be told, my first attempts at masturbating were uncomfortable and embarrassing.

When I confided in my friends, they were sympathetic but it seemed that each of them in their own way had figured themselves out. They couldn’t relate to my struggle to orgasm. Throughout my teenage years, I tried modifying every variable I could think of. I thought that if I just had the right playlist, or tried moving my fingers at exactly the right angle, I could spontaneously fix myself. But I still couldn’t reach the elusive ‘big O’ my friends talked about: the supposedly euphoric experience that I’d watched play out on TV and in movies. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t meant to experience an orgasm. That maybe I was broken.

Hearing about my struggle, a friend who I had always looked up to for her confidence and strength took me aside on my 17th birthday and presented me with a small box. “It worked for me,” she said. “It might just work for you.” It was a brand-new Satisfyer Pro, a clitoral vibrator apparently changing the sex toy landscape for people with vaginas. It was totally portable, waterproof, sleek, shiny — and utterly terrifying. I didn’t touch the box for at least a couple of months. I watched YouTube reviews and revisited the step-by-step articles from my youth that promised to teach me how to orgasm before setting out to give it a try. Unfortunately, the first time using the vibrator was too much for me. Even the slowest setting felt like ants all over my clitoris. So I hid the box away and grappled with a fresh onslaught of shame.

It was a shame that I needn’t have felt. Despite my generation having more information than ever at our fingertips, our sex education is still deeply flawed and far from comprehensive. As a teen growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was lucky to be surrounded by empowering young people who talked openly and honestly about pleasure. I remember being 13 and at a Halloween slumber party, having whispered conversations by flashlight after putting on flimsy sheet masks and eating popcorn, laughter hiding our nervousness over topics we really didn’t know anything about. These conversations led me to the teenage manuals of women’s magazines and websites, where I learned that there was an elusive state called an ‘orgasm’ or, colloquially, ‘the big O’. For penises, ejaculation was the obvious marker of having reached orgasm. But for vaginas? The scientific literature I came across wasn’t helpful at all and mainly referenced studies from the early ’70s. The articles I read described reaching orgasm as feeling like fireworks, whatever that meant. My curiosity led me to follow each article step by step in my bid to discover what an orgasm actually felt like, ultimately leading me to my initial failed attempt. Years had gone by and here I was at 17, still hitting the same wall.

In high school, fueled by misinformation, stigma and frustration at my perceived failure to experience an orgasm, I became involved in sex education. Simultaneously, I grew comfortable with my culture as the daughter of immigrants, and as a rising senior created a consent curriculum that I taught to over 300 youth in my parents’ hometown in south India. After I came back to the United States, I became a UCSF California-certified sexual health educator and eventually, during my final year of high school (and at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic), I set out on TikTok, creating my platform @sexedu to reach as many as I could with my work.

From what I’ve seen as an educator, the United States is in desperate need of comprehensive sex education. We need to deconstruct the idea that sexual wellbeing is a taboo topic. I know now as a creator that my story of struggling to figure out how to orgasm isn’t unique. I want every young person to know that regardless of their journey with pleasure, they aren’t alone and they aren’t broken. That’s why I’m sharing my story. In 2023, we need stories to break the stigma.

In what felt to 17-year-old me like a last-ditch effort, I shared my desolate feelings with the friend who’d gifted me the vibrator. She urged me to try again — she said that it was uncomfortable simply because it was unknown. It was a brand-new sensation; I just had to lean into the discomfort to make a discovery. I took a long, hard look at myself. I looked at my body with a mirror in an attempt to become comfortable with these parts that society had made me shy away from. I shoved down the shame I felt and focused on exploring, not on the destination I sought. Yes, I reached those fireworks. Yes, it felt brand-new the first time, and a little uncomfortable because of that. But yes, it was fantastic. It was an experience that belonged to me and that connected me to humankind.

In the end, the elusive orgasm was a journey for me as it is for so many. After all, there are so many types of orgasm: clitoral, vaginal, deep vaginal, G-spot, anal, nipple, ‘coregasms’, audio/visual, blended and possibly more (there’s a debate to be had about the exact number of types given the lack of research on pleasure for people with vaginas). The journey to reaching an orgasm looks different for everyone! Some reach their first orgasm early on with ease; others might not say ‘orgasm’ aloud until they reach college. You shouldn’t feel pressure to orgasm every time either — even the practice of masturbation without orgasm can be pleasurable.

You aren’t broken if you can’t orgasm from penetration alone, or if you need a half hour of foreplay, or if you can’t orgasm more than once at a time. Pleasure is a biological function; it can also be magical and frustrating and your relationship with it can change over time. But regardless of all this, pleasure unites us all — via orgasm, or whatever pleasure might look like for you. It is your right to experience pleasure in whatever consensual capacity you choose.

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s How Sex Toys Can Improve Your Sexual Wellness Beyond Providing Pleasure

By Aliyah Moore

Sex toys haven’t always been connected to a multi-billion dollar market; for a long time, consumers widely purchased back massagers with an off-label use as a vibrator or simply didn’t interact with the products at all. But thanks to changing perceptions and awareness about pleasure’s role in sexual health, which is integral to wellness, sex-toy usage is on the rise and stigma is steadily making its way out. According to market research, as of 2022, nearly 1.5 million Americans disclosed that they use them every week, up from 86 million in 2017. And considering the benefits of sex toys, we’re better off for it.

One silver lining of the pandemic is that it laid the foundation for an increased use in sex toys. While folks stayed at home, they got sexually curious and creative, whether during masturbation sessions or in the scope of partnered relationships. Industry dollars support this notion, with reports noting the sale of sex-related products having doubled or even tripled in certain countries during periods of lockdown and isolation.

As a sex therapist, I love seeing this shift. The documented rise in usage of sex toys is encouraging us to be more open with sexual discourse and general, which has a positive impact on our sexual health and wellness. Why? Well, it may start with pleasure—but that’s far from where it ends.

Pleasure is just one the benefits of using sex toys

Whether you’re a vulva-owner, penis-owner, or intersex, pleasure is the cornerstone of a healthy sex life. It’s easy to see how toys help us out here: We use them to experience the euphoric sensations we can’t quite achieve (or achieve as quickly) on our own.

If you’re thinking, Of course sex toys make you feel good, fair point. But what’s less obvious is how vital pleasure is to our overall health and well-being. It’s a common tendency to sideline the value of sex, view it as a bonus or a treat, or something to put at the bottom of our priority list when life gets busy. However, consider that research has connected sexual satisfaction to lowered levels of anxiety and depression. In that vein, it stands to reason that pleasure alone is just the tip of the iceberg of benefits of sex—and sex toys are adept at facilitating sex that is rich with pleasure.

No, sex isn’t required to dispel mental-health ailments nor should it function as an isolated strategy for restoring optimum mental health. Rather, sexual satisfaction is one important factor that stands to support overall mental health, and—crucially—can be achieved without a partner. Sexual stimulation through masturbation may help bring on similar benefits of boosting your mood, self-esteem, sleep quality, and helping to relieve stress. And because sex toys stand to make all forms of sex more enjoyable, they have a major role to play here.

Good sex is good for your body, and sex toys can help

Although pleasure is a tenet of sexual health, and sex toys are marketed primarily on their ability to derive pleasure, it’s by no means the only value they provide. Sex toys—while capable of helping users better understand their desires and better communicate with partners—can actually provide physical benefits.

Sex toys—while capable of helping users better understand their desires and better communicate with partners—can actually provide physical benefits.

To illustrate this point, consider, the vibrator. Research suggests vibration may help treat erectile dysfunction (ED) and anorgasmia, an issue common in women who experience delayed, infrequent, or absent orgasms—or significantly less-intense orgasms—after sexual arousal. Vibration has been linked to improvements in sexual function and desire, whether you have a penis or a vulva. Pelvic-floor dysfunction—the inability to correctly relax and coordinate your pelvic floor muscles, which often causes sexual problems, not to mention issues with constipation or urinary leakage—may also be helped through vibration.

Another sex-toy category—vacuum-like devices that use a hand- or battery-powered pump to create suction around your penis, clitoris, vulva, or nipples—has shown to treat and sometimes resolve such issues as ED and genital arousal disorder.

Masturbating with other toys (or just in general), may help relieve period cramps and reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Some experts advise masturbation to help with chronic concerns like joint pain or headaches—another point in favor of the ancillary benefits that come from the intense pleasure sex toys can make you feel.

As we continue talking more openly about sex, sex toys become a larger part of the conversation. Nurturing our sexuality illuminates that pleasure is attainable—and provides for health benefits, to boot. Sex toys prioritize pleasure, of course, but pleasure itself is about taking care of your sexuality—which includes your mind and your body. When toys help you experience pleasure, they help you cultivate a happier and healthier version of yourself.

Complete Article HERE!

‘Between pleasure and health’

— How sex-tech firms are reinventing the vibrator

British firm MysteryVibe’s original vibrator was designed to alleviate pain in the vagina.

A new wave of sex toys is designed to combine orgasmic joy with relief from dryness, tension and pain

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At first glance, it could be mistaken for a chunky bracelet or hi-tech fitness tracker. But the vibrations delivered by this device will not alert you to a new message or that you have hit your daily step goal. Neither are they strictly intended for your wrist.

Welcome to the future of vibrators, designed not only for sexual pleasure, but to tackle medical problems such as vaginal dryness, or a painful and inflamed prostate gland in men.

“The current standard of care if you go to a therapist, gynaecologist or urologist, is they will insert one or two fingers to reach the painful areas and massage them to alleviate the pain,” said Soumyadip Rakshit, CEO and co-founder of sex-tech company MysteryVibe.

“We bring together the best of biomedical engineering to recreate what currently works, so people can access these therapies easily, discreetly and cost effectively.”

MysteryVibe is not the only company that is striving to alter our relationship with sex toys. A “smart vibrator” developed by the US-based startup Lioness contains sensors that measure women’s pelvic floor movements, allowing them to track how their arousal and orgasms may be changing over time or in response to stress or alcohol. An “erection ring” developed by US company FirmTech claims to enhance men’s performance while tracking the duration and turgidity of their erections and the number of nocturnal episodes they experience – an indicator of cardiovascular health.

Dr Rakshit in the lab. MysteryVibe is funding research to back up their scientific claims.

“There are a number of different products that are now sort of skirting the line between pleasure and health,” said Dr Rachel Rubin, a urologist and sexual medicine specialist based in Washington DC. “These companies today are focusing on [pelvic] anatomy and physiology, and using what we know to try to enhance pleasure, joy, intimacy and fun.”

MysteryVibe’s laboratory – the only facility conducting vibrator research and development within the UK – is incongruously housed in a former dairy in a rural business park near Guildford, Surrey. The first clue that this is no standard office unit is an issue of Playboy tucked behind a magazine about technology startups. Then I spot a tray of wand-shaped mechanical devices, in various states of undress, their bright components resembling children’s Duplo blocks.

These are stripped-back Crescendo vibrators, MysteryVibe’s original product, which was designed to target and release tender areas inside the vagina and alleviate pelvic pain, for example in women whose pelvic floor muscles have been damaged as a result of childbirth.

“The simple answer to pelvic pain is physiotherapy. But most mums either are unaware of this, or don’t have the time and/or money to pay for it,” Soumyadip said.

Registered as medical devices, and marketed at scientific conferences, such products are a far cry from the oversized dildos traditionally stocked by sex shops. MysteryVibe is even funding research to back up their scientific claims. Preliminary results from a small trial involving 11 women with genito-pelvic pain or penetration disorder – where the muscles around the vagina contract whenever an attempt is made to penetrate – suggested that using the Crescendo device three times a week for 12 weeks resulted in significant improvement.

Larger randomised trials are needed. But other scientific evidence supports the use of vibrators in various female health conditions too. According to a recent review by Dr Alexandra Dubinskaya, a urologist at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, and colleagues, they can improve pelvic floor muscle function, facilitate the treatment of vulvar pain and enhance women’s sexual experiences.

“We know that vibration causes vasodilation, meaning the vessels that bring blood to the organs get wider and can bring more blood. It also promotes neuromodulation, meaning it can retrain the nerves – especially those nerves responsible for pain perception,” Dubinskaya said.

Such products are also finding favour with pelvic health physiotherapists such as Katlyn Nasseri at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, US. She said that people experience pelvic pain due to overactive muscles, stress, anxiety, conditions such as endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome, and childbirth injuries.

Trauma or inflammation can cause the pelvic floor muscles to become overly toned, resulting in pain. Nasseri likens using a vibrator to using a massage gun to relieve stiff muscles elsewhere in the body: “Vibration is great for muscles; it helps them to relax really well. The same principle applies to the muscles of the pelvis.”

MysteryVibe’s latest products, scheduled for release later this year, are a vulval vibrator for women experiencing vaginal dryness and/or low libido, and a prostate vibrator designed to be inserted into the anus to relieve pain in men with inflamed prostate glands.

The MysteryVibe lab is the only place conducting vibrator research and development in the UK.

“The three common things that happen to men are that the prostate becomes larger as they become older, or it gets a cancer, and the third is prostatitis – inflammation, pain or infection in the prostate gland. Of these, perhaps the most difficult to treat is prostatitis,” said Prokar Dasgupta, a professor of urology and MysteryVibe’s medical director.

“One of the treatments is regularly massaging the prostate. This allows the congealed secretions inside the prostate that are the cause of the problem to come out. Rather than a urologist doing this manually, it can be done by the patient themselves using this device.”

Men also have pelvic floor muscles and can hold tension in them, just like women, said Rubin: “This can cause symptoms such as urinary frequency or urgency, pain with ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or premature or delayed orgasm.

“In addition, the prostate is very rich with nerves and pleasure spots that can really aid in orgasm and arousal.”

MysteryVibe’s vulval vibrator is designed to sit outside the body, can be moulded to a woman’s physiological dimensions, and can even be worn during intercourse. Whether it actually counters menopause-related dryness or reduced libido is as yet unproven, but menopause expert Dr Shahzadi Harper of The Harper Clinic in London suspects it might.

“We often say use it or lose it, but when you’re feeling tired, when your hormones change, when you’ve got so many other things going on, sex can slip down the sort of priority list. This is a nice gentle way to get confidence back in your body, reignite those nerve endings and boost blood flow to the clitoris and pelvic area, which stimulates the cells that help with lubrication.”

Dr Paula Briggs, chair elect of the British Menopause Society and a consultant in sexual and reproductive health at Liverpool Women’s NHS Foundation Trust, said that a vulval vibrator could stimulate collagen-producing cells in the vaginal wall to become active again, reversing some of the thinning that occurs following menopause. Although regular sex can achieve a similar thing, “the difference with a vibrator is that the woman is in control”.

She now advises patients to experiment with a small, tapered vibrator because penetration can be difficult, and often very painful, for such women. Briggs cautioned that vibrator use alone was unlikely to combat vaginal dryness in women whose arousal issues stem from psychological causes, including physical or emotional trauma or stress.

Kate Walsh, physiotherapy lead at Liverpool Women’s Hospital, agreed. Combined with other techniques such as mindfulness and breathing exercises, a vibrator can help women to “reprogram” the way their bodies process sensation, helping to make sex pleasurable again.

“Women will come in with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos that they’ve spent money on, but if they don’t understand the context of why they’re doing this, it is unlikely to work,” she said.

“I’m not saying that someone who is struggling with pain or arousal needs to jump straight into psychosexual counselling, but they’ve got to understand that what’s feeding it isn’t always just a physical thing – the physical and psychological interact.”

Complete Article HERE!

5 Myths About Orgasms We Need To Put To Bed

By Amanda Chatel
When it comes to orgasms, there’s a hotbed of myths surrounding them. The reason for this is because they’re shrouded in mystery. To give you an example of just how mysterious the orgasm is, especially for those with vulvas, according to a 2005 study published in HHS Author Manuscripts, it wasn’t until the mid-1990s that researchers, via MRI, discovered the clitoris has an internal component. The MRI also found that this inner part was far bigger than the exposed bulb and the clitoris has erectile tissue similar to that of a penis, giving some much-needed insight into the clitoris and how it impacts orgasms from the outside and inside.

What makes the orgasm for those with vulvas even more puzzling for researchers is that it’s not necessary for pregnancy, unlike when someone with a penis orgasms and releases sperm meant to fertilize, resulting in conception. Our orgasm is essentially an enigma, per The New York Times. But where there’s a mystery, rumors will follow. Here are five of the most common myths about orgasms that we’re putting to bed right now.

Everyone should be able to orgasm through penetration alone

If ever there were a myth that needed to be debunked, shattered, and put out to pasture it’s that penetration equals orgasm for everyone. If only it were that easy. Study after study has found that the majority of people with a vulva can’t orgasm through intercourse alone. While those percentages vary based on the participants, a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that 36.6% need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, while only 18.4% reported that penetration alone could bring them to climax.

But it’s not only people with vulvas who need more than penetration to orgasm. Per a 2016 study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, contrary to what we might have been taught, those with penises don’t actually have a 100% orgasm rate during penetrative sex either — it’s “[m]ore than 90%,” according to the Scandinavian Journal of Sexology. Granted, that’s pretty darn close to 100%, thereby illustrating that the orgasm gap is indeed legitimate, but it’s important to realize that penetration alone simply doesn’t do it for everyone.

Sex is only good if there’s an orgasm involved

Because our culture puts so much emphasis on orgasms, we often forget that great sex doesn’t have to involve them. Especially if you take into consideration the fact that some people struggle to orgasm or don’t orgasm at all. If we reduce sex — in all its forms — to just achieving orgasms, then we all lose. Just as much as intercourse isn’t the only type of sex one can have, orgasm isn’t the only result of sex that can be experienced.

“There are a million reasons why we choose to be sexual, ranging from wanting intimacy, for excitement, to relieve boredom and to feel attractive,” psychosexologist Dr. Karen Gurney tells Refinery 29. “Many of these motivations can give us pleasure without getting anywhere near orgasm … The psychological and physical processes which result in orgasm involve a complex interplay between receiving bodily sensations that we enjoy, situations which we find erotic, and our ability to focus our attention on all of these things.”

When we put too much importance on having an orgasm, we miss out on properly enjoying the ride. Sex is a journey, from beginning to end, with a lot of different sensations and methods to experience arousal along the way. In fact, concentrating so much on coming can make it even harder to achieve.

There’s only one type of orgasm

When we hear the word “orgasm,” we tend to immediately think of climax that results from clitoral stimulation or, if you have a penis, when ejaculation occurs. But, and this might be some of the most exciting news you’ll read in a long time, there are several types of orgasms.

In addition to the clitoral orgasm, there’s the vaginal orgasm (also known as the G-spot orgasm) as well as the blended orgasm, which is experiencing both the clitoral and vaginal orgasms at the same time. There are also multiple orgasms; the anal orgasm; and the nipple orgasm (yes, some people can climax from nipple stimulation!) With the hotly debated squirting orgasm, fluid (not urine) is released from the urethral glands. The coregasm is induced by core-focused exercise, while skin orgasms, also known as music orgasms, are usually dismissed as goosebumps. Sleep orgasms are those delightful no-effort orgasms that we have while getting some proper shuteye. The U-spot orgasm results from urethral stimulation, while the A-spot orgasm has to do with the anterior fornix, which is located roughly a couple of inches above the G-spot.

Not only are there so many types of orgasms that can be experienced, but there are different intensities that can be felt with each. If that weren’t enough, genital orgasms can be broken up into three categories: avalanche, volcano, and wave. According to a 2022 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, these orgasms are the result of the tension being held in the pelvic floor — in case you needed another reason to practice your Kegel exercises regularly. Fun fact: a strong pelvic floor means stronger and even longer orgasms.

Using sex toys on a regular basis will desensitize your genitals

Sex toys have finally become mainstream, and are no longer something that one should feel shy about purchasing or owning. Sex toy innovation has reached extraordinary heights and with so many pleasure companies being owned by people with vulvas, these products are being created to help close that aforementioned orgasm gap.

Sex toys of all kinds are great for not just orgasms, but experimentation and self-exploration. Because, after all, you never really know what gets you off until you try something new. But despite this, a rumor persists that using sex toys, vibrators in particular, too often is going to desensitize the genitals (most notably the clitoris) making orgasm more difficult to achieve — especially during partnered sex. Simply, that’s not how the body works.

“What actually happens with a vibrator is that you tend to reach the climax faster because you are being intensely stimulated, more so than a finger or hand,” sex therapist Rachel Hoffman tells Insider. “Therefore, when you compare a session with your vibrator to a session with a partner (without a vibrator) it might feel very different, creating the myth of desensitization.”

Different types of stimulation create different types of sensations. But if your clitoris has started to rely more on your vibrator for orgasms than other types of stimulation — for example, your partner’s hands or tongue — then you can take a sex toy break. However, desensitizing your genitals just isn’t a thing.

If you can’t orgasm, there’s something wrong with you

Short answer: this is absolutely, positively not true. According to a 2000 study published in Current Psychiatry Reports, 10% to 15% of those with vulvas experience anorgasmia — the inability to orgasm. Anorgasmia is a disorder that isn’t just the complete absence of orgasms after sexual arousal, but it can also result in delayed climax, or rare and less intense orgasms (via Mayo Clinic).

For some, anorgasmia can be a lifelong disorder in which an orgasm is never achieved, or it can be something that comes about over one’s lifetime, or it can be situational in that you have a million other things on your plate and your head just isn’t in the game. But no matter the reason, the inability to orgasm isn’t a flaw, nor does it mean you’re broken or can’t enjoy sex. It means you enjoy sex differently than those who are able to orgasm.

As much as orgasms are a wonderful experience, it’s paramount to keep in mind that pleasure looks and feels different for everyone. If your main mode of satisfaction is an orgasm, that’s great. But keeping in mind just how complicated human sexuality is, it’s also essential to know that orgasms don’t hit the spot for everyone in the same way.

Complete Article HERE!

A Guide to Using Prostate Massagers

By Nina Smith

When it comes to sex toys, most people automatically think about the toys that are used for female pleasure. Men, however, don’t have to be sidelined when it comes to using toys in the bedroom.

Prostate massagers are a largely unexplored part of sexuality for most men, but we believe that the stigma around male sex toys needs to be broken. If you or your partner are looking to experiment with a prostate massager, here is everything you need to know before diving in.

What is a Prostate Massager?

If you weren’t already aware, men can experience orgasm through prostate stimulation. In fact, it is said that a prostate-induced orgasm is the male equivalent of a woman’s orgasm through her G-spot. Some experts even refer to the male prostate as the P-spot.

It is a different kind of orgasm than the one you would experience through stimulation of the penis due to the difference in muscle contractions that occur during the climax. A penile orgasm typically involves four to eight muscles, but a prostate orgasm involves around a dozen muscles. This makes for a far more intense orgasm.

If you are looking to experience this more intense climax, then it’s time to bring in the help of a prostate massager. If you are having sex with someone with female genitalia, or if you are engaging in solo sex, a prostate massager is going to be the best way to experiment with prostate stimulation. Although these orgasms may be more satisfying, they also require more skill to achieve. But with a little bit of time and practice, you are sure to be achieving unbelievable orgasms in no time.

A prostate massager will look similar to a standard dildo. While some dildos are designed to mimic the shape and appearance of a penis, others have a sloped design to hit the female G-spot. Prostate massagers look more similar to the latter. The “come hither” design on G-spot dildos and prostate massagers help the device to hit in just the right spot.

Many of these designs come with a second head or “rabbit” design which allows for the vibration to hit not just the P-spot internally, but also externally. The external head will rest right between your anus and scrotum while the internal one will be inserted. Most devices will come with a variety of vibration settings for you to test out so you can find what works for you.

Where to Get a Prostate Massager

Although we find no shame in walking into a sex shop and asking to purchase a prostate massager, we are also aware that everyone’s comfort level surrounding this topic is different.

If you are looking for a discrete way to acquire a prostate massager, you will be glad to learn that many shops that sell prostate massagers online will ship their products in discreet packaging and some will even disguise the charge on your credit card. This is great for people who live with roommates, family, or anyone else that you want to keep out of your private sexual activities.

How to Use it

So now that you know all about prostate massagers and the orgasms that you can achieve, let’s talk about how to actually use one. If this is your first time inserting anything into your anus, you are going to want to take your time. Try not to force the device in. Instead, wait for your muscles to relax before insertion. And don’t be afraid to use lubrication to help everything go more smoothly.

Once you are able to insert the prostate massager, you are going to want to experiment with what feels good. This typically involves finding the right places to stimulate yourself. Move the device around and experiment with different vibration modes to find what you like, and before you know it you’ll be having orgasms that you never even thought were possible.

Clean Up

This should go without saying, but make sure that you clean your prostate massager after each use. Some devices are designed to be used in the shower or bath so cleanup will be easy if you purchase one of these waterproof designs.

If your design isn’t fully waterproof, make sure you read the instructions before cleaning so you know how to properly wash and care for your toy without damaging the electronic parts.

Start Experimenting!

If you are ready to break the stigma around male sex toys and start having intense and incredible orgasms, it’s time to try out your first prostate massager. Use it on yourself, or have a partner help you out to spice things up in the bedroom. Everyone deserves a little fun every now and then, so what are you waiting for?

Complete Article HERE!

Is Outercourse the Same Thing as Abstinence?

— And 5 Other Questions, Answered

By Maisha Johnson

What is it?

Outercourse is an option for sexual activity without intercourse. When you get down to the details, that means different things to different people.

For some, it’s everything except penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetration. For others, outercourse means no penetration of any kind, including fingers, sex toys, and anal sex.

Some choose outercourse as a safe sex alternative. They put boundaries around any activity that can cause pregnancy or transmit sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Your personal definition of outercourse may depend on your reasons for trying it.

Intrigued? Read on to learn more about how it works and what this might mean for you.

Is it the same thing as abstinence?

It might!
Like outercourse, being abstinent can have different meanings, depending on who you ask.

Some people practice abstinence because they’re not yet ready for sexual activity. For them, being abstinent may mean no outercourse.

For others, the definitions of abstinence and outercourse can overlap.

If you think of sex as any type of penetration, for example, then sticking to sexual acts without penetration can count as abstinence.

What counts as outercourse?

Since the definition of outercourse varies, the activities that count as outercourse all depend on who’s practicing it.

Outercourse might include any of the following:

Kissing

Don’t underestimate the power of a kiss. Making out can be a great way to build intimacy. Kissing different parts of the body can help you and your partner discover what turns you on.

Massage

Getting your massage on can be super sexy in the right circumstances. Set the scene with some candles or mood lighting, and use lubrication like hot or scented oils. Share intimate details with your partner about where you both like to get rubbed down.

Dry humping

That’s a term you might not have heard in a while. But dry humping isn’t just for teenagers. Grinding your body against your partner’s can be pleasurable at any age. You can even see how you like different positions, clothing materials, and role play for different types of pleasure.

Mutual masturbation (in some definitions)

Who knows how you like to be touched better than yourself? Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo activity. You and your partner can masturbate together while kissing, cuddling, and showing each other what feels good.

Sex toys (in some definitions)

There’s a whole world of sex toys out there just waiting to be explored, and there’s a good chance you can find one for the type of stimulation you’re looking for.

For example, if you want genital stimulation without penetration, vibrators can target the clitoris or the head of the penis for an arousing time.

Manual stimulation (in some definitions)

You and your partner can take turns pleasuring each other with hand jobs or fingering, or pleasure each other at the same time.

Here’s one way to keep things exciting: Try various types of lubricants, like warming and cooling lubes, to see how you like different sensations along with your hand and finger play.

Oral sex (in some definitions)

Blow jobs, cunnilingus, rimming: There are many options for using your mouth on your partner’s genitals and other pleasure zones. And when your partner’s mouth is giving you oral sex, let them know what you’d like more and less of.

Anal sex (in some definitions)

Anal sex can be enjoyable for people of all genders and can involve a penis or sex toys. Your ideal sex toys for anal penetration might be different from the ones you like for other body parts, so anal play can be a chance to try out new toys.

Is pregnancy possible?

No intercourse, no pregnancy, right? At least, that’s usually the idea if intercourse would mean PIV penetration.

It’s true that the chances of pregnancy from outercourse are pretty slim, but it isn’t impossible.

Pregnancy can happen if fluids get in the vagina, like by accidentally dripping semen on the vulva or by fingering the vagina after touching semen.

Washing hands after handling ejaculate or pre-ejaculate can help, as well as being careful about where semen ends up anytime it’s involved in your outercourse.

Another case that could result in pregnancy? Deciding in the moment that you want to have intercourse after all.

If you’re ready for it, and both you and your partner are in agreement, there’s no reason to beat yourself up about it.

But unprotected PIV sex can get you or your partner pregnant, even if it only happens once.

Just in case this happens, it’s helpful to keep protection like condoms on hand or to be on birth control.

Are STIs possible?

Contracting STIs is also possible in some cases.

Anytime your outercourse includes genital contact or sexual fluids (like semen and vaginal wetness), there’s a risk of STIs.

For example, if you dry hump naked or with only underwear, the skin-to-skin contact can transfer bodily fluids even without penetration.

Oral sex, anal sex, and sharing sex toys can also pass STIs.

To reduce your risk, use protection like dental dams and condoms. Get tested regularly if you’re doing anything that might put you at risk for STIs.

What’s the point?

Still wondering why outercourse is worth it when you could be having “real sex” instead?

Well, don’t knock it just yet. There are many situations where outercourse might be a great option.

Anyone can practice outercourse, no matter your gender, sexual orientation, or whether or not you’ve had intercourse before.

Here are some reasons a person might be interested in outercourse:

  • You don’t have protection, like if you forgot to bring condoms or take your birth control.
  • One partner doesn’t want to be penetrated or penetrate due to not feeling ready, a painful health condition, trauma, or body dysphoria.
  • You’re tracking fertility and want to avoid the risk of pregnancy on days when one partner is more likely to get pregnant.
  • You want to avoid having sex during your period or your partner’s period.
  • One partner is having a condition flare up or not feeling up for intercourse.
  • You want to understand your own body more.
  • You want to practice and learn how to ask for what you want, or learn more about your partner’s likes and dislikes.
  • You or your partner aren’t interested or ready yet for sex.
  • You’ve tried intercourse and decided you need more time before you’re ready for more.
  • You want to mix things up and try something sexual that’s not intercourse.
  • You’d like to learn how to get the most out of your foreplay leading up to intercourse.

The bottom line

It’s easy to get trapped into thinking that sex means one course of action: foreplay, penetration, and orgasm.

But there are many ways to enjoy sexual pleasure. Lots of people have body types, desires, and needs that go beyond traditional ideas of intercourse.

Exploring the options outside of intercourse has proven to increase sexual pleasure, even for people who practice intercourse, too.

Regardless of your reasons for practicing it, outercourse is a fun way to try new things, focus on different pleasures, and explore what sensuality really means to you.

Complete Article HERE!

Sex doesn’t stop after 60

— ‘We can stay sexually zesty and vibrant’

While sex after 60 does have its challenges, it can also be “sizzling.”

By Rachel Grumman Bender

Sex after 60 isn’t something people talk about that much — but Joan Price is looking to change that.

The 79-year-old speaker and author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex tells Yahoo Life that if “we give ourselves regular sexual attention and orgasms, we can stay sexually zesty and vibrant and reap all the benefits of regular orgasms such as a sense of well-being, being in touch with our physicality, sleeping better” and more.

The University of Michigan’s 2018 National Poll on Healthy Aging found that most older adults (76%) agreed that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship at any age. The poll also found that 45% of those 65 to 80 years old are sexually active.

But Leah Millheiser, director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University Medical Center, acknowledges that it’s still a taboo topic and people don’t typically see women being depicted as sexual beings after menopause, telling Yahoo Life: “That’s unfortunate because we know men and women across their lifetime will go on to having very enjoyable and satisfying sex lives. You have to work a little harder for it to be enjoyable and successful. But it’s very achievable.”

Millheiser says that society has “definitely made strides” in talking about sex and sexuality in midlife and beyond but that “we are nowhere near where we need to be.” She points to Jennifer Lopez during the 2020 Super Bowl LIV halftime show, where the star, then 50, “came out and blew people’s minds — she looks great and gorgeous. For many people it was shocking.” Millheiser also points out that 50-year-old Gwyneth Paltrow has also been vocal about sexuality in midlife.

Even so, “we are very far from having normalized sexuality in the golden years for women,” says Millheiser. “We can have erectile dysfunction ads all over the place, but you can’t say ‘vagina’ and ‘vaginal dryness.’ It starts with normalizing sexuality after a certain age.” She mentions how on the show Grace and Frankie “they actually show a sex scene with Jane Fonda and it was extremely hot to watch — there needs to be more of that.”

Joan Price (Photo: Courtesy of Joan Price)
Author Joan Price says she “was having glorious sex” in her 60s — and still is at 79.

It’s something Price can relate to. “Usually, sex and seniors were never mentioned in the same sentence, and if they were it was doom and gloom. But I was having glorious sex” in her 60s with her lover, who eventually became her husband (he died of cancer 7 years after they met). After wondering why there weren’t any books that talked about positive sexual experiences past age 60, Price ended up writing a book about it herself — and she’s been vocal about the topic ever since.

Price says that as people age, there are ways that sex can actually be better than ever. “When I say can be, I mean it doesn’t happen automatically,” she shares. “This is something we make a priority. … It’s important to keep yourself sexually healthy and vibrant by having regular sex sessions — whether that’s sex dates with yourself or a partner. Solo sex is real sex.”

That said, sex after 60 does have its challenges. Millheiser says it can be a “double-edged sword.” On the one hand, there can be issues with low libido, vaginal dryness and sexual dysfunction. But on the other hand, sex can also be better “because you know what you want and you know how to ask what you want,” she says.

Price acknowledges that it can be harder to get aroused and reach orgasm with age. “But that doesn’t mean sex is over,” she says. “It means we explore new ways and new erogenous zones. It may be the addition of a sex toy and not just a partner’s finger or mouth or genitals. We need to ask for what we need, and before we can do that we need to know what to ask for. That’s again why solo sex is important — even if we’re in a relationship — because we can explore on our own to know what to ask for.”

Of course, one of the benefits of aging, says Price, is worrying less about what other people think — and that includes in the bedroom. “We’ve spent too much of our lives worrying about being judged or shamed,” she says. “Let’s apply this to sex too” — meaning speaking up about what you like and don’t like between the sheets, especially if what aroused you in the past doesn’t work for you anymore.

“We can do it in a loving way,” Price says. “‘Honey, I know I used to love being touched this way, but now it feels different to me and I’d love it if you’d touch me this way.’ Or even, ‘I’m not sure how I like to be touched — could we explore and I’ll give you feedback?’”

She adds: “You are doing your partner a favor by giving direction in a loving way.”

That also includes adding sex toys — along with lubricants to help with vaginal dryness — to the mix. “Don’t be shy about saying, ‘I will only have an orgasm if we bring my vibrator into this wonderful relationship,’” says Price. “One of my taglines is, ‘A well-chosen, well-placed vibrator may be the difference between orgasms and no orgasms.’”

She continues: “We have our best sex when we have enough intensity and sensation. Often bringing a vibrator into the mix, whether solo or becoming a threesome with your partner — you, me and the vibrator — can make sex sizzling and splendid.”

Complete Article HERE!

Researchers suggest doctors should start prescribing vibrators to women

by Bob Yirka

A team of researchers led by Alexandra Dubinskaya, of Cedar-Sinai Medical Center has found that the medical benefits of women using vibrators are strong enough to warrant doctors prescribing their use to female patients on a regular basis. In their paper published in The Journal of Urology, the group describes their metastudy of research into the health impacts of vibrator use by women and why they believe the time may have come for them to be considered medical therapy devices.

Prior research has suggested that frequent masturbation by women can have positive health impacts, both physical and mental. In this new effort, the researchers noted that little work has been done on the use of vibrators as a masturbation aid and whether they have positive health impacts. They reviewed research databases for studies that involved use of vibrators for medical benefits and found 558 papers, which they whittled down to 21.

In their analysis, the researchers found evidence of a host of benefits of regular vibrator use, noting that it improved the health of the pelvic floor, reduced vulvar pain and led to improvements in overall sexual health. They also found instances of regular vibrator use leading to improvements in incontinence along with muscle strength.

The researchers note that use of a vibrator during masturbation reduces the time it takes for a woman to achieve an orgasm, and also helps with achieving multiple orgasms. Other prior research associates experiencing regular orgasms with stress reduction and an improvement in overall sexual . They suggest that adding a vibrator to masturbatory experiences leads to better outcomes.

The researchers conclude that vibrators can and should be considered not just sex toys, but therapeutic devices. And that, they point out, suggests that it is time that female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery specialists, and perhaps doctors in general, begin prescribing vibrators to their . The team will be presenting their findings at this year’s Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association.

Complete Article HERE!

Can You Buy Your Way To A Better Sex Life?

We investigate whether expensive sex toys are *really* worth it.

The sexual wellness industry is worth billions. But can you put a price (or a guarantee) on an orgasm? Sex and relationships writer, Paisley Gilmour, reports from the frontline of Pleasure Inc.

By Paisley Gilmour

As a sex and relationships journalist, I often think I’ve heard it all… until something new comes along that’s either completely genius or so eye-rollingly outlandish that I find myself yelling into my laptop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people doing what they want to improve their sex lives (as long as they’re safe).

But with the sex toy market valued at around $38 billion in 2019 (even before multiple lockdowns saw sex-toy sales rocket), our sex lives are being commodified. And the more that happens, the more likely it is that you’re marketed stuff you don’t really need.

Sexual wellness is no longer confined to a dark corner of the internet; sites like Cult Beauty and Priceline now have their own sex sections, so you can browse vibes while stocking up on toothpaste. Goop – purveyor of the controversial jade vagina egg – now sells everything from a ‘date-night box’ (around $360 for a vibrator, sex gel, massage oil, chocolate and the infamous ‘This Smells Like My Vagina’ candle) to a 14-carat gold-plated collar-and-lead bondage set (around $740).

There are sexual wellness apps, too. Emjoy is an ‘audio guide for intimate wellbeing’ with a $16 monthly subscription fee, while Ferly promises to ‘radically transform your relationship with sex’ for around $25 a month. And let’s not forget the wealth of workshops and treatments you can try in a bid to improve your sex life. Tantric sex retreats for couples starting at $1000 and a $580 three-hour massage for ‘performance and orgasm issues’ spring to mind.

So, with the thriving industry going nowhere, does spending more on your sexual wellness actually guarantee success?

Is it worth splashing out on expensive sex toys? A case study

Jess Hooper* spent nearly $5,300 on her sex life over 12 months that straddled 2020 and early 2021; a sum that includes a Sybian – a sex machine with customisable vibrating dildos you can ride – that costs around $1700, as well as a rechargeable Doxy Wand vibrator for $299.95.

Among her other investments are new lingerie (“for regaining self-confidence”) and a butt plug with crystals inside (because she “needed some sparkle in 2020”). Jess also attends a pelvic-floor Pilates class for better sexual enjoyment and is a committed OnlyFans subscriber, changing the model she pays every month to support sex workers through the pandemic.

It was after experiencing pelvic-floor issues and difficulty orgasming that Jess, now 31, decided to invest more in her personal sexual wellbeing. “Years ago, I realised how important it is when looking at wellbeing overall,” she explains. “Sexual pleasure and satisfaction are an integral part of life for many. I’m willing to spend money on it, but I’ve had to really think about what can help me sexually.”

So, does every cent spent equate to mind-blowing orgasms? Seems it’s not quite as simple as that.

“I’ve found that items that look pretty aren’t always great. Often, sex toys made from expensive materials break really easily, so they’re just decorative. There was one I wanted… and it was meant to feel like oral sex. But there was so much wrong with it, and it even damaged my skin.”

Among Jess’s other regrets is a gold-plated dildo, since the vagina’s natural lubricant stripped the plating off over time. While Jess generally likes the sex-position pillows she’s invested in, she’s since found a cheaper alternative in mobility pillows, as well as those designed to help with back pain, which can be found in supermarkets.

Overall, Jess has seen the biggest payback on her investment when she’s bought things for herself – something she’s been doing a lot more of over the past year, now that she’s no longer in a polyamorous relationship.

“What I buy now is less couples-focused and more about me – something I probably neglected for years,” reflects Jess.

Budget VS high-end sex toys: My personal experience

While I’ll groan when I see my bursting inbox, full of bizarre NSFW emails, I’m aware my job comes with a great deal of sexual privilege. I’ve been able to test and review sex toys that are way beyond my budget, visit sex resorts that would have cost me thousands and even attend a $180 workshop that taught me how to use a strap-on.

I’ve been granted unrivalled access to the luxury sexual wellness world that would otherwise have been unavailable to me. And along the way, I’ve learnt a thing or two about what’s worth the hefty price tag.

I’ve had orgasms courtesy of a $25 vibrator and a $360 model and, with the exception of the millennial-pink marketing material, I’m not sure the experiences were actually all that different.

Of the hundreds of toys I’ve tried, only 10 remain in my under-the-bed sex box. And of those, I only really use five on regular rotation. I only have one vagina, after all.

My old faithful is a $50 glass dildo from Lovehoney, and on the pricier end of the spectrum is my other favourite, the Kip vibrator from female-owned brand, Dame Products. At around $130, it isn’t cheap, but its materials are high quality – and having spent hours chatting to the brand’s founder about her activism within the industry, I feel it’s a toy worth splashing out on. As for the dildo, the glass is sustainable, will last a lifetime and – most importantly – is body-safe.

Safety of materials used

The truth behind this ever-expanding industry is that it’s unregulated. That said, last year the International Organization for Standardization (ISO) – an independent body that develops voluntary expert-backed standards for different products and processes – released its first set of standards for sex toy design and materials. It warned manufacturers against the use of certain materials, like phthalates – a group of chemicals that are used to make plastics more flexible and have been linked with decreased fertility, asthma and breast cancer. I only use toys that are made from body-safe materials, like medical-grade silicone, ceramic, metal and glass.

Behind-the-scenes production ethics

While free porn has never been more accessible, it’s undoubtedly problematic. Pornhub had to remove millions of videos in 2020 after they were found to feature victims of child exploitation and sex trafficking, and 40 women are now suing the site’s owners, MindGeek, for about $100 million. I rely heavily on my subscription to ethical porn site XConfessions instead. Starting at about $16 a month, this gives you unlimited access to independent adult films by director Erika Lust, in which the actors are paid fairly and have creative input. After all, nothing can put you off your stride more quickly than wondering whether or not the actor you’re watching was treated with respect on set.

Supporting female-founded sex toy brands

Then there’s the question of who you want your money to go to. “A lot of sex tech for women is still being designed by men,” says Alice Stewart, a creative technologist and founder of Touchy-Feely Tech, a company that makes DIY vibrator kits and holds workshops to teach people how to build their own sex toys.

But the tide is turning, with more female-founded companies that have women and non-binary people in design roles popping up. See: Dame Products, MysteryVibe and Lora DiCarlo.

“It’s like there are two sides to this industry. There are sex-positive, female-founded companies advocating for marginalised folks out there, and while they’re expensive, they’re using very new tech that’s patented and for which they’ve won awards at science and engineering trade fairs. But then there’s the side serving the mainstream, with cheap products, copying ideas and selling a hundred options. The world I prefer to be in is the one that often comes at a premium,” says Stewart.

This decision, Stewart is keen to emphasise, is a personal one, and not because the smaller companies will guarantee a better experience. “An orgasm can also be achieved with a very simple, cheap vibrator,” she adds. “Essentially, all the sex toys out there have the same components.”

Sex toys won’t fix your personal life

When you face a problem in your life, it’s tempting to open up Google, grab your credit card and throw money at it. But just as owning the world’s best hand weights won’t automatically build muscle, shelling out on your sex life doesn’t come with an orgasms-or-your-money-back guarantee.

“In reality, most of the challenges people have that prevent them from enjoying a good and flourishing sex life are psychological. They’re not necessarily issues that can be fixed with lube, a sex toy or a new workshop. Although those things can absolutely help,” says sex educator Portia Brown.

Instead, Brown suggests looking inwards and working through any relevant issues at play such as body image, boundary setting or communication troubles.

“If you’re not experienced using toys or can’t be honest with yourself about what you want from a sexual experience, chances are you won’t have the exhilarating time you hope for. You can buy great sex toys or even the services of an accomplished sex practitioner, but only you can decide whether or not you can let yourself enjoy the sex you crave in the way you want,” says psychosexual therapist Lohani Noor.

“Ultimately, communication is at the foundation of every good relationship, and investment in it will enable you to reap the rewards of mutually satisfying sex,” continues Noor.

Whether to splurge or save on sex toys: The TL;DR summary

From my own experience, and through my conversations with the sex-positive people who are trying to change this industry, I’ve learned there’s no simple answer as to whether you really can buy your way to a better sex life. Some people do rely on sex toys to orgasm and experience sexual pleasure, and if dropping a month’s salary on golden anal beads makes them happier, who are we to judge? But cheap toys are, for many people, a gateway into the sex-toy world and as such, they have an important role to play, too.

Above all, I’ve learnt that true sexual fulfilment comes from investing more than just money; it comes from investing time and emotional energy in yourself. As with just about every other thing you spend your money on, a quick fix rarely equates to long-term happiness; just as a new designer dress won’t immediately solve your body-confidence woes, a diamanté spanking paddle can’t guarantee a rich and wild sex life, either. In short, sexual wellness, ultimately, comes from within.

Complete Article HERE!

Researchers suggest doctors should start prescribing vibrators to women

by Bob Yirka

A team of researchers led by Alexandra Dubinskaya, of Cedar-Sinai Medical Center has found that the medical benefits of women using vibrators are strong enough to warrant doctors prescribing their use to female patients on a regular basis. In their paper published in The Journal of Urology, the group describes their metastudy of research into the health impacts of vibrator use by women and why they believe the time may have come for them to be considered medical therapy devices.

Prior research has suggested that frequent masturbation by women can have positive health impacts, both physical and mental. In this new effort, the researchers noted that little work has been done on the use of vibrators as a masturbation aid and whether they have positive health impacts. They reviewed research databases for studies that involved use of vibrators for medical benefits and found 558 papers, which they whittled down to 21.

In their analysis, the researchers found evidence of a host of benefits of regular vibrator use, noting that it improved the health of the pelvic floor, reduced vulvar pain and led to improvements in overall sexual health. They also found instances of regular vibrator use leading to improvements in incontinence along with muscle strength.

The researchers note that use of a vibrator during masturbation reduces the time it takes for a woman to achieve an orgasm, and also helps with achieving multiple orgasms. Other prior research associates experiencing regular orgasms with stress reduction and an improvement in overall sexual . They suggest that adding a vibrator to masturbatory experiences leads to better outcomes.

The researchers conclude that vibrators can and should be considered not just sex toys, but therapeutic devices. And that, they point out, suggests that it is time that female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery specialists, and perhaps doctors in general, begin prescribing vibrators to their . The team will be presenting their findings at this year’s Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association.

Complete Article HERE!

How to introduce sex toys into your relationship

By Mark Hay

Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved.

Toys do things our bodies just cannot, like pulse and vibrate. These novel sensations can help many people have more consistent and frequent — or complex and intense — orgasmic experiences. And the sheer variety of experiences on offer can help couples keep their sex varied and interesting, which certainly helps to maintain desire in long-term relationships.

Sounds good, right? But even as taboos around using sex toys in general fade, sex counselor Aleece Fosnight notes that many still hesitate to broach the idea of bringing a toy to bed with partners.

So, why do we pause when it comes to using sex toys with partners?

The hesitation often stems, at least in part, from persistent beliefs that toys are for solo play, while sex is about two people meeting each other’s every want and need with their bodies alone, explains Fosnight.

Marketing that frames toys as stand-ins for absent partners, or solutions to sexual problems, doesn’t help, adds Amy Boyajian of toy maker and retailer Wild Flower. It leads people — especially straight cis men who rarely engage with toys — to view interest in toys as an attack on their sexual performance, or as sexual competition. (They definitively are not.) And Gretchen Leigh, a sex educator who works with the toy retailer She Bop, notes that people always worry about being weird, so rather than rock the boat, they “assume, ‘this is what this person likes in sex,’ and stay the course forever.”

How to have the sex toy conversations we want to have — and better sex, too

Talking to partners about exploring sex toys does not have to be a daunting or difficult endeavor. A half-dozen sex counselors, educators, and toy experts recently shared a few key tips and tricks for broaching the issue painlessly and productively with Mashable.

Consider the timing

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, these experts said, is attempting to just whip them out during sex. Unless you know your partner is comfortable with you and appreciates surprises during sex, Boyajian says, this “can leave them feeling anxious and pressured,” potentially dredging up insecurities or creating conflict.

Instead, set aside time outside of sex for a conversation about bringing toys into your play. “It’s easy to do in a new relationship,” says sexologist Carol Queen. That’s when you’ll ideally already be talking openly about your sexual preferences and can just work toys into those chats. But talking about sexual preferences takes a level of vulnerability that not everyone feels comfortable with early on. Even those who do may not think or feel able in early talks to broach toys specifically.

And that’s fine. There is no optimal time in a relationship to talk about sex toys. Months or even years down the road, once you’ve started having more open and regular conversations about your sexual wants and needs, you can raise the topic of toys. If you’ve never had a conversation like that, mentioning toys could be a good foothold to open up wider intimate dialogue. If you’re not sure how to start that first conversation, Fosnight recommends framing it as an idea you encountered in an article, in online talk, or during a chat with a friend.

Don’t criticize or apologize

No matter when or how you start the conversation, try not to connect your interest in toys to an explicit critique of or frustration with the sex you’re currently having. That will play right into potential underlying insecurities your partner may hold.

Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. Instead, try “coming from a place of exploration,” Boyajian suggests, in which sex toys are one of many exciting things you can try together to see what you can add to your sex life, to bring you both new and great experiences. “Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together,” Leigh notes.

Don’t force the idea

If your partner is not open to the conversation or idea, don’t force toys on them with insistence or ultimatums. Instead, Jenni Skyler, a sexologist who works with adult retail giant Adam & Eve, suggests trying to talk, then or later, about why that idea makes them uncomfortable, then finding ways down the road to address any fears or stigmas about toys or sex that they may harbor. 

Be truly open to the idea of exploration

If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like — the toys you’re going to use together and how you’re going to use them. Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. Talk about the way your ideas overlap or differ. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys.

You or your partner may already have one or more toys you use alone that you’re excited about exploring together. In that case, Fosnight recommends that the partner with a toy bring it into bed at an agreed-upon time and demonstrate how they use it on themself, then guiding their partner, verbally or physically, to join in, or talk through how to try using the toy on or with each other.

You may also want to explore all-new toys together, to find something that fits your unique dynamic as a duo. Boyajian recommends turning toy research and shopping into a couple’s activity, a chance to build intimacy and mutual excitement and expectation. But Leigh cautions against falling into the trap of just exploring toys marketed for couples. There are a ton of guides online, some backed by sexual health experts. Yet they “aren’t in any way guaranteed to work better for couples than any other toys,” she explains.

In fact, many are built on presumptions about their users’ anatomies, and attempt to stimulate both parties at the same time. The same type of stimulation rarely works for two people at once, and many people actually enjoy using a toy on their partners — watching their partner use a toy, or mutual masturbation using two different toys — more than the two-party stimulations on offer.

Be safe…

“Any toy can potentially be used as a couple’s toy,” Leigh stresses. Of course, with so many toys to choose from, the selection can be daunting. Just remember there’s no rush. Take your time to explore your options together: Read toy reviews, consult friends and experts, and, once you do buy one or more toys, explore ways of using them.

Some outlets have published ostensibly definitive guides on how couples can use various toys. But as long as you’re being safe (e.g., not putting toys without a flared base up your anus and using ample toy-safe lube during any insertive play), “then you get to make the rules,” Boyajain stresses. “If it feels good, then it’s right for you!”

And have fun with it

“Be willing to laugh at the toy and yourself,” Skyler adds, because sometimes, inevitably, your experiments will not work out. That can be frustrating, because toys certainly aren’t cheap. You can, however, find good guides online to functional, body-safe toys that will help your engage in expansive rounds of exploration with a partner — without breaking the bank.

And remember, even when things don’t go perfectly or as expected, it’s all part of the journey you’re taking with your partner, and can help bring you closer as well.

And … that’s it! Follow these simple, flexible steps and you’ll be well on your way into the wide and wonderful world of toy-enhanced partnered sex.

Complete Article HERE!

Sales of sex toys have boomed during lockdown

– and people are getting kinkier than ever

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  • Since the pandemic first hit, people round the world have been buying more sex toys as they stay at home.
  • And people have been choosing kinkier options than usual, UK sex toy retailer Ann Summers told Insider, with sales of BDSM and high-tech equipment up in 2020.
  • “It appears we’ve been using our extra time to escape reality and try out new things in the bedroom,” the retailer said.
  • Sales of sex dolls have risen in the US this year, but the apparel industry has taken a huge hit during the pandemic, and lingerie is no exception.

People have been buying more sex toys during 2020 – and the products are kinkier than before, too, with more people buying BDSM and high-tech equipment.

Online sales of sex toys in the UK more than doubled when the country first entered lockdown in April. And this demand stayed strong over the course of 2020, sales data from British sex toys and lingerie specialist Ann Summers shows.

“The UK has become kinkier and more adventurous, with more people than ever spicing up their sex lives by trying out BDSM products and anal sex,” Ann Summers said in a press release sent to Insider.

It sold nine times as many leatherette paddles for spanking in the week from November 26 as it did during the same week in 2020, and sales of spreader bars and ball gags & nipple clamps were up more than fourfold, too.

UK retail marketplace Love The Sales also noted that sales of bondage sets rose 97% and basque sets 101% from 2019 to 2020.

This interest in sexual experimentation during lockdown is reflected in what people have been googling in 2020. UK searches for “what is pegging in sex?” have seen a 250% increase, according to data from Google Trends, while “what is BDSM?” searches are up by 70%.

Ann Summers added: “2020 has been a difficult year for many and it appears we’ve been using our extra time to escape reality and try out new things in the bedroom.”

High-tech sex toys have dominated its sales this year, the company noted, with the thrusting g-spot rampant rabbit its best-selling sex toy of 2020. Sales of remote control sex toys have also risen, with sales of one product up eleven-fold year-on-year.

“It’s clear from this data that consumers are starting to favor sex toys that are smarter, more innovative, and more tech-focused in order to provide the kind of pleasure they want,” Ann Summers explained.

“For many, this isn’t always a realistic dildo design, so we’re seeing artistic, modern, simple, and abstract sex toy designs on the rise.”

Interest in anal sex also rocketed during 2020, Ann Summers said. The company’s Intro to Anal Kit was its best-selling anal sex product of 2020, suggesting that more people were trying it for the first time.

As well as trying different toys, couples have also been buying more games to spice up their sex lives during lockdown. Sales of Ann Summers’ Kama Sutra Sex Positions Cards were up 144% year-on-year during Black Friday week, while sales of its Monogamy Couples Board Game and 50 Days of Play Couples Game more than tripled.

Ann Summers added that “people in the UK who are missing the office this year may be turning to roleplay,” noting that Black Friday week sales of its Sexy Secretary outfit doubled in 2020. Its Santa dress was its 10th best-selling item during Black Friday week.

It isn’t just Brits that are buying more sex toys. Sex toy use in the US has grown 10% during the pandemic, according to a survey of 1,464 Americans by sex toy retailer Ella Paradis.

Some people are turning to other types of sex toys during the pandemic, too – including sex dolls.

The New York Post reported that Americans are buying more of the life-like dolls, with sales up 25% year-on-year, according to Silicon Wives owner Bryan Gill. The biggest spikes have been in New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Dallas, he added.

Although sex toy sales are booming, the apparel industry has taken a huge hit during the pandemic, and lingerie is no exception.

Mintel predicts that underwear sales in the UK will drop by 12% this year, with sales of high-end lingerie especially affected because of the cancellation of formal events such as weddings and parties.

But some lingerie companies and boutiques have seen above-average sales during the pandemic as people focus on self-care and divert their budgets from outdoor clothing. Love The Sales told Insider that sales of lingerie were up 49% year-on-year across its brands – including a 118% rise in sales of babydoll sets.

Silk lingerie is selling better than other fabrics these days because it’s comfortable for working from home, one lingerie seller told Business Insider, and some companies have seen sales rise for other non-lingerie products, they say, such as loungewear and pajamas.

Complete Article HERE!

The best positions for using sex toys

It’s time to mix things up!

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Love using sex toys, but finding things are starting to get a little boring in the bedroom?

Whether you’re going solo, or enjoying being with a partner, we all know that using one of the best vibrators can really boost your pleasure levels. But have you thought about the best positions for using sex toys? Turns out, there are more ways to use them than you might first think.

And, there is no need to feel daunted. New research by sexual wellness brand LELO has found 42% of couples are now using sex toys together. Plus, 32% of Brits say they use one when going solo.

“Sensory play and satisfaction is a key part of sexual wellbeing. And sex toys are a great way of achieving that,” says sex and relationship expert for LELO, Kate Moyle.

“Sex toys shouldn’t compete with, but should compliment partnered sex,” says Kate. “This is because they can offer different elements and sensations that can help you to maintain variety in your sex life. This is also the case for solo play.”

So, what are you waiting for? Grab a toy and try out these positions recommended by Kate:

The best positions for using sex toys

1. Hands-free is great for mixing things up

Remote controlled toys are a great way for couples to explore giving control to the other,” says Kate. “Encourage the partner using the toy to lie back on a bed with the other partner out the direct line of sight. This will also add to the suspense of not knowing what’s going to happen next.”

2. Lying on your front is one of the best positions for sex toys

This is definitely one of the best positions for using sex toys, but is rarely depicted on screen. “On your front is a great position as it can work for both male and female sex toys,” says Kate. “Position the sex toy between two pillows on your bed and then lie on your front, using the sex toy to stimulate you.”

3. Try your sex toy in the bath or shower

Checked that the sex toy you are using is 100% waterproof? “Then use the sensation of water to mix it up,” says Kate. “For example, turn on the handheld shower or the tap. Then you can swap between the shower head and your sex toy or use them simultaneously.”

4. Use your sex toy all over your body

Who says one of the best positions for using sex toys is just one place on the body? “Using a wand vibrator, such as the Smart Wand 2, can help give you an all-over body massage,” says Kate. “This won’t just help you to relax, but can build up desire and arousal by teasing. Running along the inner thighs, the lower back and buttocks can build up anticipation, which is our most natural aphrodisiac.” This level of relaxation is one of the reasons a vibrator is good for your health.

5. Spooning is one of the best positions for using your sex toy

“Spooning is the perfect position for slow and gentle sex,” say Kate. “And a vibrator can be the perfect addition as the ‘big spoon’ is easily able to reach around for clitoral stimulation on the little spoon partner. A bullet vibrator or finger vibrator would work really well. Plus, you can start your spooning session at any point and then add in the vibrator. Just make sure you have it easily in reach so that you don’t have to scrabble around for it and interrupt your enjoyment.”

6. Let them wear the sex toy, if you can

Playing with a partner? Then let them do some of the work with a sex toy which offers multiple functions. “A cockring that stretches around the penis is great for penetrative sex,” says Kate. “It also offers great clitoral stimulation if worn during sex, particularly when the woman is on top. You can also use it for mutual masturbation or oral sex to add something different.”

7. Using your finger can help guide your sex toy

“A finger vibrator can be especially helpful for solo fun if you are using lube,” says Kate. “There’s nothing more distracting than losing your grip or slipping just as you edge towards orgasm! But it’s also a great addition to oral sex and can be used all around the vulva.”

8. Try your sex toy while sitting up

Forget simply lying on your back. “Sitting up on your knees and lowering yourself onto a sex toy can be a great way for vulva and vagina owners to mix it up at home,” says Kate. “Using a sex toy with a base so that it can be secured to a surface can help. Or, standing it up between two pillows can be helpful if you are on your bed.”

9. Do the reverse cowgirl

Want to try the reverse cowgirl with a handheld vibrator? You should! “It means that you can use it for stimulation on the riding partner, and that you can also use it on the bottom partner on their perineum or testicles for additional sensation,” says Kate.

Complete Article HERE!

Here’s What a ‘Sexpert’ Wants You to Know About Sex Toys

(No, You Can’t Use a Vibrator Too Much)

‘Taking time to challenge and explore ideas around pleasure will help with your sex education.’

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While sex toys used to be seen as gratuitous and only for the sexually “adventurous,” they’re now commonplace—especially at a time when city governments are advising that “you are your safest sex partner” amid COVID-19. The “sex tech” industry is booming—and experts are linking their overall use to increased rates of orgasms, especially for women. Despite the taboos that surround sex toys, and for that matter, female sexuality and desire, research tells us that the use of sex toys increases the frequency of orgasms. Not only that, but sex toys have also been linked to fascilitating orgasms for perimenopausal, menopausal, and post-menopausal women with orgasmic disorder.

“Only four percent of people with vaginas orgasm most reliably from penetration alone,” says Dr. Laurie Mintz, a professor at the University of Florida and licensed psychologist. “The rest need clitoral stimulation, either alone or coupled with penetration.” The author of “A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex” and “Becoming Cliterate,” and ‘sexpert’ for sex toy company LELO, Mintz is an expert on the art—and science—of the orgasm. Naturally, the topic of sex toys comes up regularly. Plain and simple, she explains, “people with vaginas who use vibrators have easier and more frequent orgasms.”

Below, Dr. Mintz answers your top questions about using sex toys—submitted via the @VogueWeddings Instagram—including how to get started, which ones work best with a partner, and whether or not it’s possible to use them too much.

What is a good vibrator to start with?

If you’re a first-time vibrator user, check out the sex toys at LELO. Additionally, both the stores Babeland and Good Vibrations have sections for first-time vibrator users.

I’ve never owned one, what sex toy should I get first?

I suggest a clitoral vibrator that has different speeds that you can experiment with. The overwhelming majority of people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and this is why I recommend starting with a clitoral vibrator. Additionally, the intensity of the vibrations enjoyed will vary among people with vaginas and this is why I recommend variable speeds/intensities.

How do I let my partner know that I only orgasm with sex toys?

You can’t overdo your vibrator use. So if you always need a vibrator to orgasm, let them know this and, more importantly, always use a vibrator! It’s that simple.

How can I introduce sex toys into my relationship?

Imagine yourself swimming in a pool with your partner. You’re having a great day swimming, and there happens to be a raft there, and you jump on and off the raft. At the end of the day you don’t call your friend and say, ‘my raft and I had so much fun, and oh my partner was there too.’ The same is true for using sex toys. Make sure you and your partner both understand that sex toys are not a substitute for a partner, but rather tools that provide additional stimulation—and then the fun part: go shopping!

Is it possible to use a vibrator too much? Will it cause damage?

Sex toys cannot make your clitoris loose feeling or damage it permamently. If you use it for a while and start to go numb, just take a break—just like if your butt goes numb from riding a bike.

I’m thinking about gifting my partner a sex toy; is that weird or offensive?

Giving your partner the gift of a sex toy is not weird at all. In fact that message it gives is beautiful, it says you care about their pleasure.

What toys do you recommend for both partners to enjoy?

For two people with vaginas having sex, bring whatever toy you use on yourself and teach your partner how to use it on you if they don’t know; you can even use it alone while your partner kisses or caresses you in other areas. If one person has a penis and the other has a vagina, you can also bring whatever you normally use and instruct your partner on how to use it on you; you can also try a cock ring with an attached clitoral vibrator—the person with the penis can wear it during intercourse, stimulating their partner.

What is the proper way to sanitize and clean your sex toys?

Most sex toys can be cleaned with mild antibacterial soap and warm water. Wash them for at least 20 seconds and dry them with a clean towel. Additionally, you can purchase sex toy cleaner. I personally use LELO’s cleaner which you simply spray on, wait five seconds, and rinse off.

Complete Article HERE!