6 things we learned about sexual health this year

By Kaitlin Reilly

Sexual health is health — and, boy, did we learn a lot about it this year. After spending 2023 diving into studies, surveys and even pop culture moments that focused on all things sex, I’ve concluded that there’s always more to know about the more intimate side of our lives. Sometimes the things we learned may have felt a little TMI — like, say, the role Christmas ornaments have as potential sex toys. Most of the time, however, the stuff we learned about sex was pretty groundbreaking, such as how there are two types of desire, and neither is wrong.

Here’s a wrap-up of the top six things we learned about sex this year — and here’s to many more fun, sexy facts in the new year.

1. Many women keep a ‘sexual toolbox’

You may not find it at Home Depot, but more than half of menopausal women ages 50 and over who were asked about their sex lives in a September Kindra-Harris poll said that they kept a “sexual toolbox” to make intercourse more pleasurable. These products include lubricants, as well as vibrators, both of which can make sex more fun and comfortable, especially as many menopausal women experience vaginal dryness and other pain during sex, medically known as dyspareunia.

And speaking of lubricant — you may want to be careful about what you put in your own toolbox. If you are using condoms, whether that’s with a sex toy or partner, you should never use oil-based lube, as it can “destroy the integrity of latex condoms,” women’s health expert Dr. Jennifer Wider tells Yahoo Life.

You don’t have to be menopausal to benefit from lube either. “A myth surrounding lube is that people only use lube when something is not quite working correctly,” says Dr. Laura Purdy, chief medical officer at Wisp. “This couldn’t be further from the truth. Many people use lube to make things feel more natural, and lube can be your best friend during sex.”

2. There are 2 types of desire — and neither is wrong

In movies (and, of course, porn) all it takes is someone looking at their partner for Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” to start playing. In real life, sexual psychologist Laurie Mintz says that’s not exactly how things work — at least, not most of the time, and especially not for people in long-term relationships. That’s because there are two types of desire: “spontaneous desire,” which is when you feel aroused pretty much immediately, and “responsive desire,” which means you need some kind of stimulation in order to put yourself in a sexy mood.

“With this type of desire, one doesn’t wait to be horny to have sex, but has sex to get horny,” Mintz says, which means that “the desire follows the arousal, versus the reverse.”

Obviously, there are times when sex is completely off the table between two consenting adults — headaches and new episodes of The Golden Bachelor do exist, after all. However, these two kinds of desire may take some of the pressure off people who may feel like they have a lower libido simply because they don’t feel spontaneously sexual.

Instead of making yourself feel bad because you can’t go zero to 60, try engaging in things that make you feel in the mood before you get to your sexual main event, whether that’s masturbating, kissing your partner or even just relaxing and thinking about sex in the hours leading up to a planned encounter.

3. Young people are having less sex than their parents did at their age

Teen rates of sexual intercourse are declining, according to a 2023 published survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The survey found that only 30% of teens in 2021 said they ever had sexual intercourse, down from 38% in 2019. While, yes, the COVID-19 pandemic did likely have something to do with the declining rates (it’s a little hard to socially distance during sex), some experts think there may be other reasons for the decline, such as more teens identifying as LGBTQ and engaging in sex acts that don’t necessarily involve intercourse.

It’s also possible that young people just aren’t growing up as fast as they once did. Jean Twenge, a San Diego State University psychology professor who reviewed the data for her book Generations, told the Los Angeles Times that more young people are living at home longer and delaying things like getting their driver’s license and going to college — which may also affect their sex life.

“In times and places where people live longer and education takes longer, the whole developmental trajectory slows down,” she said. “And so for teens and young adults, one place that you’re going to notice that is in terms of dating and romantic relationships and sexuality.”

4. People are using strange seasonal things as sex toys

TikTokers love to review the holiday items at Target each year, but Dr. Adam Gaston, an internal medicine physician since 2021, went viral on the platform for a different reason: by reminding his followers not to put said Christmas decor any place it “doesn’t belong.” Sure, that Christmas tree ornament may not be shaped all that differently from a dildo, but spending the holidays in an emergency room because glass broke inside your rectum or vagina is ho-ho-horrific.

Of course, it’s not just the holiday season that gets people hot, bothered and making bad decisions about what to use for sexual gratification: A 2013 case study revealed that things like ballpoint pens, a tea glass and even an eggplant were found in the rectum of different men, so really, why wouldn’t a Christmas ornament be on deck too?

Place those ornaments on your tree and add a silicone-based sex toy on your holiday wish list.

5. Libido gummies (probably) don’t work — at least not how you think

Popping a supplement or chewing on a gummy won’t make you instantly hot and bothered, even as more and more companies are selling libido gummies that claim to put women in the mood for love.

The jury is out on these products, says Dr. Tiffany Pham, an ob-gyn and a medical adviser for female health app Flo Health, as there is “a lack of robust research into the claims behind these supplements,” even as some individual ingredients show promise.

But that’s not the only reason they’re unlikely to be the sole solution for low libido for women: Libido involves more than just physical function and can be affected by everything from stress to past trauma to the connection one has with a partner. If you’re really struggling with a lack of desire, talking with a sex therapist will likely do way more than an over-the-counter supplement. And if you are curious about taking something to boost your libido, make sure to talk to your doctor, who can tell you if it’s safe to explore.

6. Dry orgasms are a thing for men

And Just Like That may be lacking the sex part of its predecessor’s name, but there’s still plenty of sex in the city for Carrie Bradshaw and her friends. In a 2023 episode, Charlotte and her husband, Harry, are having sex when Harry orgasms — only for no semen to come out. After consulting with a doctor, the couple learns he experienced a retrograde orgasm, or a dry orgasm, which occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of exiting through the penis, leading to little to no ejaculation. While Harry is instructed to do kegels — leading to Charlotte training him in the famed pelvic floor exercise — urologist Dr. Fenwa Milhouse told Insider that advice won’t help. Dry orgasms are typically a nerve issue and often caused by certain medications, like ones taken for diabetes, as well as pelvic injuries.

“It’s not dangerous. It’s not detrimental to the person’s body, but it can interfere with fertility because the semen isn’t getting where it needs to be, which is being deposited into the partner’s vagina,” Milhouse told Insider.

Bonus: Here’s how you find your G-spot (which may not be a ‘spot,’ after all)

Ah, the G-spot. If you’re a person with a vagina and have always found this famed alleged center of pleasure elusive, Martha Kempner’s breakdown of the G-spot includes where to find it. The G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina, nearly two inches in. Also worth noting? The G-spot may not be a spot at all but more of a zone, as, according to a 2022 article, there are actually “five separate erotogenic tissues that function in a similar way to the G-spot.”

One theory why stimulating the G-spot feels so good is that people are stimulating the clitorourethrovaginal (CUV) complex, which includes interactions between the clitoris, urethra and uterus, says Debby Herbenick, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of Read My Lips. A come-hither motion with two (well-lubed!) fingers should do the trick.

Complete Article HERE!

What Happens During an Orgasm?

— Here’s what science says about what your body goes through during the big moment.

By Izzie Price

Orgasms form a fundamental part of the human experience. They’re a natural biological process and are likely to take up a fair amount of time in our heads—whether we love them or fret about them.

How often have you worried that the sex was terrible because you or your partner didn’t orgasm? If you’re a woman, how many times have you worried that it “didn’t count” as an orgasm because you didn’t ejaculate?

More importantly, though, do you even know what’s going on in your body when you orgasm? Do you know about the many health benefits orgasms offer? Do you even know what an orgasm is?

What follows is a look into the science behind an orgasm, including the physicality of what’s happening. In addition, experts debunk some common orgasm myths.

What happens to your body during an orgasm?

“Orgasm, or sexual climax, is the peak of sexual excitement,” said Alyssa Dweck, M.D., a gynecologist in Westchester County, New York, and a sexual health and reproductive expert for Intimina, a brand of products focused on women’s intimate health. “Orgasm results in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvis—that is the uterus, vagina and anus. There are also elevated pulse and blood pressure, and rapid breathing.”

Dweck emphasized the psychological implications of orgasm related to the brain, including its release of the following:

  • Dopamine, which is the pleasure hormone
  • Oxytocin, which is the cuddling and bonding hormone
  • Serotonin, which is involved with mood, cognition, reward and memory
  • Endorphins, which influence pain perception, relaxation and mood enhancement

Sounds pretty good, right? What happens in your body that results in this physical and psychological burst of pleasure and excitement?

The process of orgasm can be broken down into four separate phases—arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution—according to Masters and Johnson’s Human Sexual Response Cycle course.

“The excitement or arousal phase can last minutes or hours,” said Rachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T., a New York-based psychotherapist and host of “The Wright Conversations Podcast.” “Muscles get a little tense, your vagina may get wet, your skin may get flushed, your heart rate and breathing accelerating, your nipples may become hard and the breasts are becoming fuller.

“A penis will become erect and the vaginal walls will swell. The testes swell, the scrotum tightens and often the penis will secrete a lubricating liquid.”

It’s safe to say, then, that there’s a lot going on in the body when we get aroused. Things don’t slow down when we reach the plateau phase, either. Wright described it as “the excitement intensifying right up to orgasm in which the vagina swells from blood flow.”

The vaginal walls turn dark purple during this stage, Wright added. Then there’s the main event, which is the shortest phase of all.

“Some indicators of orgasm include involuntary muscle contractions, a rash or ‘sex flush,’ muscles in your feet may spasm, and you might feel a sudden or forceful release of sexual tension,” she said. “Your blood pressure and heart rate are at their highest rate at this point.”

For men, an orgasm triggers similar rhythmic contractions at the base of the penis. They result in the semen being released.

Are orgasms good for you?

The sheer amount of physiology associated with orgasms and the number of feel-good chemicals produced in the brain as a result seem to indicate orgasms are a biological necessity. Are they?

Dweck pointed to one study that indicated orgasms are perceived to improve sleep outcomes. Other health benefits include improved mood and increased life expectancy. This is all good but it has to be said: Orgasms are not essential.

“We don’t need orgasms, but they sure do feel good to have,” said Lyndsey Murray, a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist in Hurst, Texas. “I don’t like to put any pressure on having an orgasm because a lot of people feel like they are doing something wrong when orgasm isn’t achieved. When we take the pressure off having one, our bodies can respond naturally and lead to orgasms all on their own without us overthinking it.”

Orgasm myths and misconceptions

The orgasm gap—the high rate of male orgasms as compared to female orgasms—is real. But there are all kinds of myths and misconceptions about why those numbers aren’t closer together. Mostly, this is because of a lack of basic understanding of the female body and, subsequently, how it can reach and experience orgasm.

“The biggest misconception I note in clinical practice is the myth that vaginal penetration/intercourse always leads to orgasm when, in fact, clitoral stimulation is typically needed, and upwards of 70 percent of women won’t achieve orgasm through intercourse alone,” Dweck said.

The misconception that vaginal penetration always results in a female orgasm takes us to another common myth: “If an orgasm isn’t happening, there must be something wrong,” Murray said.

Not so. There could also be a technique issue at play, such as there being no clitoral stimulation.

“There may be sexual dysfunction that requires professional help. But it could also be performance anxiety getting in the way or maybe you just haven’t explored enough yet to figure out your own body,” she said. “I never like to use terms like ‘wrong’ or ‘failure,’ but instead, disappointment. If you’re disappointed with your sexual activity, focus on fun, pleasure and exploration.”

The biggest orgasm myth, according to Wright, focuses on physical evidence of sex taking place: “That there is only one kind [of sex] and there’s always ejaculation,” she said.

There can be 12 different ways for women to orgasm, she explained, which includes clitoral, vaginal, cervical and nipple orgasms. For men, she noted that orgasms can take the form of a wet dream, blended (whole body) or pelvic orgasms, as well as ejaculatory orgasms.

How can we improve societal attitudes toward orgasms?

Orgasms are great, sure, but they’re not the only thing that makes sex feel good. Sex is more holistic than that, and we need to enjoy orgasms without holding them up as the essential end result.

“The societal attitude I see most of is either orgasms mean great sex or no orgasm means the sex sucked,” Murray said. “I disagree with both sentiments. Usually what happens is someone feels like they failed themselves or their partner(s) if an orgasm didn’t happen. The next time they have sex, it becomes an over-focus on orgasm and no longer about fun, pleasure and intimacy.”

We should be talking more about the entire sexual experience and not the shortest part of the whole thing, Wright explained.

“In all the sexual response cycles, the orgasm is the shortest part, and yet we put so much focus on it. Sometimes, all the focus,” she said. “Try to focus on the experience and, instead of attaching everything to an orgasmic outcome, pay attention and focus on the experience. The experience is the pleasure.”

Complete Article HERE!

Remedial Jerkology

— A Better Way To Handle Yourself

By Dr Dick

In the last installment of my series on male masturbation, we discussed problematic masturbation styles—how they can get in the way of satisfying partnered sex, and offered a surefire way to resolve these problems. This time around, I’d like to offer suggestions on how men can use different styles of masturbation to overcome certain dysfunctions, such as premature ejaculation.

Short Fuse Confusion

Here we have 28-year-old Marcos from NYC:

I may have premature ejaculation, meaning after I’m excited, I can’t hold it in (ejaculation) for more than a couple of minutes, which worries me regarding the pleasure I can provide… Suggestions, other than the eventual doctor visit?

The curious thing about premature ejaculation is that what constitutes “premature” is pretty subjective. Some men report that they can only last a minute or two, others say they can last only 15 minutes, but all consider themselves as premature ejaculators. I’m not trying to suggest that PE is a figment of one’s imagination. On the contrary; any guy who isn’t satisfied with the control he has or doesn’t have over his ejaculation may fall into this general category. In the same way, lasting longer, whatever “longer” might mean, is a relatively easy thing to accomplish. All you have to do is work at prolonging the pleasure.

Let’s start with how you masturbate, Marcos. If I had to guess, these sessions are speedy little affairs, right? A quick wank just to relieve sexual tension is a good thing, but if that’s all the self-pleasuring you do, it will interfere with your partnered pleasure later. Look at it this way: If your body is sensitized to coming quickly while masturbating, then that’s how it’ll respond with a partner.

I suggest that you reevaluate your self-pleasuring activities. Most, if not all of your masturbation should be dedicated to full-body masturbation. The object is to play with the sexual tension that develops in self-pleasuring, and to delay the your ejaculation for as long as you can.

As you become turned on you, build up sexual tension. Move the sexual energy all over your body as you stroke your cock. Touch and pleasure your whole body — feet, nipples, asshole, etc. Make the pleasure last as long as you can. As you approach the point of ejaculation, stop stroking yourself and concentrate your play on the other parts of your body. When the urge to come subsides, you can start stroking your dick again. Repeat the process ’til you can last 30 minutes. (By the way, some people refer to this as edging or edge play — coming to the edge of coming and then backing away. Get it? Got it? Good!)

The purpose of this exercise, besides the joy of getting off on your whole body, is to teach your body a different way to respond to cock stimulation. If you practice this method conscientiously, it will increase your sexual stamina both alone, and when you’re with a partner, too. Spread the sexual energy around. Concentrate on stalling your orgasm through the techniques you learned in your self-pleasuring. If you’re getting close to coming, pull out until you regain control; then resume. This will take some practice, but it’s worth the effort.

One final thing: If you’re concerned about the amount of pleasure you can provide, short fuse or not, I always encourage the men I work with in my private practice to look to pleasuring their partners before they even get warmed up themselves. But even after you come, you still have a mouth and hands and fingers with which to pleasure your partner, so there’s never an excuse to leave a partner unsatisfied, regardless of your own sexual response cycle.

Keeping the Genie in the Bottle

Now let’s turn our attention to two other masturbation styles—one that comes out of the Tantric sex tradition, the other comes to us by way of the world of kink. Both are similar to edging, inasmuch as they help gain control over our ejaculatory response, however, each of these practices evolved for very different purposes.

Tantric sex is interesting, if for no other reason that it distinguishes between orgasm and ejaculation; a distinction all men should know. Although they often happen at the same time, we are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating. In the Tantric practice of controlled ejaculation, men avoid ejaculating during masturbation (or partnered sex), making it possible to capture and extend the energy of orgasm. Refraining from, or holding off on ejaculation, men can actually become multiorgasmic. Learning to control the wave of our orgasmic energy without releasing that energy, or chi, through an ejaculation will at least give the practitioner a fuller, more intense orgasm.

Here’s how this works. If you take the time, you’ll notice that you have four distinct stages of erection: lengthening and filling; swelling; full erection; rigid erection. The fourth stage, rigid erection, signifies ejaculation is close at hand. Knowing this, you can incorporate a couple of Tantric techniques to quell the rising tide. Conscious breathing is a key for extended lovemaking. Rapid breathing excites and arouses you. Slow, controlled breathing, way down into your belly, calms you and helps delay ejaculation. Focusing on your breath takes your attention away from your genitals.

Throw in a few Kegel exercises to postpone ejaculation as well. These contractions of your pelvic floor muscles will allay the approaching ejaculation.

You can also delay ejaculation by gently tugging on your balls down and away from your body.

Tantric sex is all about you being conscious of your full self in your sexual practices, alone or with a partner. Being aware of and controlling your breathing, your genital muscles and the build-up of sexual tension will allow you to last as long as you’d like. Tantric practitioners speak of opening one’s self to our higher “spiritual” centers of ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder.

Finally, from the kinkier side of things there is a version of ejaculation control that is far edgier than what we’ve discussed so far. Here we have actual orgasm denial, which is often associated with cock and ball torture and/or chastity play. This is either self-induced or part of power play between a sub and his Dom. We’ll leave the power-play dynamic for another time. For now we’ll just look at this as a kinky masturbation technique.

Here’s a typical scenario. An edger will begin to wank like normal, but when he gets near to coming—he stops stroking. So far so good. But here is where the cock and ball torture may be introduced. The guy will often squeeze or slap his cock and balls till the urge to shoot subsides. Once the urge to come quiets down, he begins to stroke again. Stopping again whenever he approaches climax. He repeats this whole “stop and start” cycle, along with the CBT for as many times as he would like, so that when he finally shoots, if indeed he permits himself an orgasm, it will be much stronger and he’ll spew loads more spunk.

However, like all things edgy, you gotta know when enough is enough. I know a lot of men who edge and they swear by it. I also know that a number of these men are doing themselves a disservice, even harm, because they are practicing an extreme version of edging. In the end, despite the stand-up nature of our dick, it is a very delicate instrument. Intense edging, especially accompanied by nasty squeezing or slapping to quell the building ejaculation can be injurious. And if you overdo orgasm denial you can injure your prostate and seminal vesicles.

Good luck!

What is delayed ejaculation?

— Here’s what you need to know about this little-talked about problem

Delayed ejaculation has several possible causes, including certain prescription drugs and medical issues, like low testosterone.

By Martha Kempner

While guys who climax too quickly, like the high school teen who can’t even get his pants off before it’s all over, is a well-known issue, there’s a flip side to that problem: being able to go and go and go without reaching orgasm, a condition known as delayed ejaculation.

There isn’t a lot of research on it, but a 2016 study estimated that between 1% and 4% of men experience delayed ejaculation all the time or when with a partner. The researchers also noted that it’s the “least studied and least understood of male sexual dysfunctions.”

Delayed ejaculation is the inability to climax within a reasonable amount of time. What’s reasonable varies for each person, but some experts cite needing more than 30 minutes of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm as a sign of a problem. There’s no need to get out a stopwatch; the real test of whether this is an issue is how often it’s happening and how you and your partner feel about it.

We rarely talk about men’s sexual health, and the feelings of failure that can come with not being able to climax mean we talk about this issue even less than others like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. Ignoring it, however, may trap couples in a cycle of anxiety that ends with one or both partners deciding it’s better to avoid sex altogether than have this happen again. Spoiler alert: It’s not.

Here are some ways to break that cycle.

Talk to your partner

Don’t let this become the elephant in the room — or in your bed. “Without talking about the issue, our minds are left to speculate and ruminate,” Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author of She Comes First, tells Yahoo Life. “A partner may start to worry that maybe the person with DE is no longer attracted to them or is bored by the sex.”

Communication is crucial, and Kerner notes that how we address these subjects matters. “When having these sorts of conversations, always begin with how you’re feeling and your own vulnerability,” he says. “Start with ‘Hey, I’ve been feeling anxious.’ Generally talking about the elephant in the room is a relief and gets you on the same team.”

Rule out medical issues

Medical issues known to cause delayed ejaculation include low testosterone, spinal cord injuries and certain infections. DE can also be a side effect of common prescription drugs, such as antidepressants and blood pressure medications. A new study found that DE is associated with more underlying health issues — both physical, such as testicular dysfunction, and emotional, such as anxiety — than premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.

Dr. Michael Eisenberg, a urologist at Stanford University, says that a health care provider can assess whether a medical problem is causing delayed ejaculation. “We will evaluate the timing of the condition, determine if it’s situational, assess hormones and determine underlying health conditions,” he tells Yahoo Life.

Change your routine

Delayed ejaculation can also be caused by desensitization of the penis. Dr. Jesse Mills, director of the UCLA Men’s Health Clinic, tells Yahoo Life that, like all other parts of our bodies, penises can lose sensitivity as we age. They can also get used to certain triggers: “The key to orgasm is friction,” Mills explains. “There’s no orifice as tight as a man’s own hand. If that’s what he’s used to, he may have sensitivity issues he has to overcome.”

Masturbation is good for you, but if you suspect desensitization, consider cutting back, especially when you’re expecting to have partnered sex soon.

Resetting your expectations can also help. Remember that penetrative sex isn’t everything. Just as many women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, you may need something more intense as well. Consider adding some sex toys, such as a prostate massager or a vibrating sleeve, which can amp up your orgasm. There’s also nothing wrong with finishing using your own hands while your partner curls up next to you.

Find an expert

If you are still having trouble finishing, it may be time to see an expert, whether that’s a sexual medicine doctor or a sex therapist.

Mills is a member of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, a group that includes urologists, gynecologists, neurologists and sex therapists. He says this is a great place to start, since the website can help you find providers in your area. The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists can also help you find a certified sex therapist near you. “Anybody that has specialized training and interest in sex can get the workup rolling,” he says.

A sexual medicine expert can also help couples who are dealing with DE while they are trying to get pregnant. Eisenberg says there are medical ways to assist with ejaculation or sperm extraction, which can help couples separate fertility issues and sexual concerns.

Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and relieve our stress, not cause it. If you’re having trouble reaching orgasm, talk to your partner and reach out to medical and mental health experts for help.

What Is Edging?

— Sexual Health Experts Explain What It Is and How to Do It

Get ready to unlock a new level of pleasure.

By Kayla Blanton

When you’re really in the mood, reaching the big O can feel a little short-lived, or even underwhelming. And although people with vulvas are more capable of experiencing multiple orgasms in a small window of time than those with penises, both parties can spice things up and prolong the fun by practicing edging—a sexual technique that is essentially the biggest tease of your life. Keep reading to find the answers to: “What is edging?” and “How do you edge properly?”<

Meet the Experts: Sophia Murphy, L.P.C., a licensed therapist, certified sex coach, and director of wellness at TBD Health; Carolyn Delucia, M.D., OB-GYN, F.A.C.O.G., and luminary in the field of women’s sexual health, and Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe.

What is edging?

To use The Price Is Right logic, edging is getting as close as possible—to climaxing, that is—without going over. “Edging is the ability to delay orgasm by choice,” explains Sophia Murphy, L.P.C., a licensed therapist, certified sex coach, and director of wellness at TBD Health. “Scientifically, this can be defined as an extension of the plateau phase, which is part of the human sexual response cycle as identified by [William] Masters and [Virginia] Johnson in 1966.”

The plateau phase is characterized by increased arousal—it follows the excitement phase (a.k.a. foreplay) and precedes orgasm, Murphy explains. In other words, edging is “when someone is able to extend their period of arousal to the point of being on the edge of orgasm.”

Why edge, you might ask? It’s essentially to build anticipation, and ideally, pleasure. After edging a few times, the idea is to “completely surrender to an orgasm of higher intensity than previously imagined,” explains Carolyn Delucia, M.D., OB-GYN, F.A.C.O.G., and luminary in the field of women’s sexual health.

Edging benefits

You may be confused about how suspense in the bedroom would be helpful—but there are quite a few perks:

Prolonged pleasure

While more research is needed to solidify any medical benefits of edging, the upside is, well, it makes for a good time. “[Edging] is a popular sexual technique in an attempt to heighten intensity and fun,” says Dr. Delucia.

Possible intensified orgasm

“Some individuals find that edging leads to a more intense and powerful orgasm from prolonged anticipation and arousal build-up,” says Natasha Marie Narkiewicz, sexual wellness expert and head of communications at MysteryVibe. However, there is little research to back this up.

Increased body awareness and understanding

“Edging can be a great way for people to gain an intimate understanding of their arousal patterns and sexual responsiveness, which translates to better command of their bodies,” explains Narkiewicz. Murphy adds that when you take your time and remove the pressure to orgasm, you can give yourself permission to fully experience your body. “You can learn more about how it changes, how it moves through the sexual response cycle, what works best, and you might even surprise yourself,” she says.

Potentially strengthened pelvic floor muscles

“Some edging techniques involve pelvic floor exercises similar to Kegels,” or an intentional contraction of the pelvic floor, explains Narkiewicz. Research shows that pelvic floor muscle strength is positively correlated with sexual function, especially with age.

Premature ejaculation help

Dr. Delucia says edging—via the start-stop method or squeezing the tip of the penis (more on that later)—is “very effective” in helping men and penis owners who experience premature ejaculation (PE) grow more aware of their arousal patterns and therefore, gain more ejaculatory control. Research has documented this as a form of potential treatment for PE.

Enhanced couple communication

If you practice edging with a partner, the session will require in-depth communication to let them know how stimulation is progressing, which makes it a great exercise in connection. “Unless you’ve set specific parameters for a partner to be in charge of your orgasm, be sure to speak up while edging to ensure your needs and boundaries are being met,” Murphy adds.

Edging side effects

Some research suggests that edging in people with penises may cause epididymal hypertension (EH), commonly known as “blue balls”—a phenomenon in which restricted orgasm causes pain. “This is not a scientific medical condition, and while it may be uncomfortable for penis and testicle owners, will not cause permanent damage,” says Murphy. “Semen will go back into the body if not ejaculated.”

Dr. Delucia adds that EH is “rare” but “very uncomfortable.” If you experience it, her tip is to try and reverse it by holding your nose, closing your mouth, and exhaling forcefully (like you would to pop your ears), also known as Valsalva. That technique is under-researched, though.

How do you edge properly?

How you practice edging will depend on your anatomy and how you prefer to achieve orgasm. However, there is one tip that’s universal, which is the need for transparent communication when edging with a partner.

“If one partner is not into this type of sex play then do not entertain it,” Dr. Delucia says. “Communication of where your partner is in the arousal phases is [also] important to understand.” After all, if you don’t know where they are in the sexual response cycle, things may not go as planned.

Now, for a few anatomy-specific tips.

Edging tips for people with vulvas:

  • Experiment with arousal and foreplay: This stage may change depending on if you’re solo or with a partner, but Murphy recommends engaging multiple senses to heat things up—be that watching something spicy, listening to erotica, or touching other parts of your body first to get the energy going. “The whole body, the nape of the neck, the nipples, may be erogenous,” adds Dr. Delucia.
  • Find your stimulation of choice: “Explore what touch is most arousing and how your body responds from start to finish,” explains Murphy. Some people prefer clitoral stimulation over vaginal penetration and vise-versa, then there are varying pressures to consider. “The most important thing is learning what works for you,” she adds. Dr. Delucia says using a sex toy with different intensities like a wand vibrator “to better explore the areas in the vagina that have extra sensation” may help.
  • Embrace fantasy: There’s nothing wrong with tapping into your imagination. “If you are alone, when you are on the precipice, snap out of the fantasy and allow the heart rate to return to normal and then begin again,” Dr. Delucia recommends.

Edging tips for people with penises:

  • Fantasize: Dr. Delucia’s fantasy advice applies here too—tease yourself (and/or your partner) with a story you can’t resist. Then try to resist it.
  • Change positions: “If practicing edging during sexual intercourse, try changing positions when you feel close,” suggests Narkiewicz. “This adjustment will provide a few seconds of a natural pause in stimulation and cadence to regain composure.”
  • Change your touch pattern: “One of the best ways to edge a penis is to squeeze the tip,” says Dr. Delucia. Or, go for an area that’s highly sensitive—“for most men this is the area just below the glans,” Delucia adds, and when you’re almost there, stop. “This should be fun and allow you to learn more about your own arousal patterns to eventually give you more control of your tipping point,” Dr. Delucia says.

How do you know when to stop edging?

“Once you’ve strengthened your relationship with yourself, you’ll be more aware of your boundaries,” says Murphy. “If you feel uncomfortable, unsafe during partnered sex, or find negative emotions like distress, panic, or dread coming up, trust yourself to take a break. If it becomes difficult to reach orgasm when you desire, it may also be helpful to take a break from edging.”

Put simply, Dr. Delucia says you decide when you’re through: “Stop when you or your partner have had enough.”

Complete Article HERE!

Exercise Can Help Men Last Longer During Sex

— A new research review concludes that running, yoga, and pelvic floor workouts can all help solve the problem of premature ejaculation.

One study found that running 30 minutes five times a week was as effective as medication for men who experience premature ejaculation.

By Becky Upham

Exercise could be as effective as pharmaceutical treatments in treating premature ejaculation, according to a new study published in the journal Trends in Urology and Men’s Health.

The review looked at 54 studies and nearly 3,500 participants to examine the effectiveness of nondrug interventions for premature ejaculation.

“We know premature ejaculation is a common complaint among men worldwide. The lack of a clear definition of what is or isn’t premature ejaculation has repercussions in terms of treatment, and there are relatively few effective drugs available,” said senior author Lee Smith, PhD, professor of public health at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, England, in a press release.

The findings of this review suggest that physical exercise, including running and pelvic floor workouts, can help treat premature ejaculation, said Dr. Smith.

How Common Is Premature Ejaculation?

Because there hasn’t been a single definition of premature ejaculation, estimates on how many men experience it vary widely, according to the U.K. researchers. Depending on the study, prevalence ranges from 30 percent to 83 percent of men, they wrote. 

Mayo Clinic defines premature ejaculation as a man ejaculating sooner than he wants to while having sex. If it happens only rarely, it isn’t cause for concern.

A man might be diagnosed with premature ejaculation in the following scenarios:

  • Always or nearly always ejaculates within 1 to 3 minutes of penetration
  • Is never or rarely able to delay ejaculation during sex
  • Feels distressed and frustrated about timing of ejaculation and tends to avoid sexual intimacy as a result

Regular Exercise Can Help Men Delay Ejaculation

The authors found that regular physical activity as an intervention had promising results in many of the studies they analyzed in their research review.

For example, a study with 105 participants found that running for 30 minutes five times a week helped extend latency time (time until ejaculation occurs) as much as taking dapoxetine, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) drug approved for use in premature ejaculation outside the United States.

Two other studies linked yoga with statistically significant improvements in delaying ejaculation.

Pelvic Floor Exercises May Also Help

Exercising pelvic floor muscles was also shown to have some benefits. Men who practiced pelvic floor exercises increased latency time from a median of 1 minute to 3 minutes.

Pelvic floor muscles play a role in ejaculation, and men who can strengthen and improve pelvic muscle control may be able to delay ejaculation by relaxing their perineal muscles, according to the Sexual Medicine Society of North America (SMSNA).

Also called Kegel exercises, pelvic floor workouts can help strengthen these muscles, according to Mayo Clinic.

Medication for Premature Ejaculation Is Limited

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved any drugs specifically for premature ejaculation, though physicians may prescribe some medications off-label.

Topical numbing agents can reduce sensation and help delay ejaculation. There are also oral medications that may help delay orgasm, including antidepressants, pain relievers, and drugs used for erectile dysfunction, according to the American Urological Association.

“Given that drugs often have side effects, it appears that after all, the best medicine for avoiding premature ejaculation may well lie in exercise, and this possibility requires larger studies and further investigation,” said Smith.

Treating Erectile Dysfunction May Help Treat Premature Ejaculation

Some of the studies included in the review found benefits when the men with premature ejaculation were also treated for concurrent erectile dysfunction (ED), notes Raevti Bole, MD, a urologist at Cleveland Clinic, who was not involved in the research.

“I would agree that treating ED (if present) is a very important initial treatment,” she says.

It’s Important to Consider Multiple Treatment Options

Systematic reviews can be useful in that they are able to consolidate the results of many studies, says Dr. Bole.

But even a well-executed systematic review is only as good as the studies that are included, she points out. Because many of the studies the review included didn’t use the same definition of premature ejaculation, there may be different types of patients with varying degrees of premature ejaculation, says Bole.

“The studies included also had small numbers of patients, which makes it difficult to tell whether the result was due to the treatment or chance,” she adds.

Nevertheless, the review shows that it’s important to consider multiple options when treating premature ejaculation. “A lot of factors affect premature ejaculation, including hormones, stress, anxiety, prior sexual episodes, and [overall] erectile function,” she says.

Because every patient is a little different, there is no one-size-fits-all treatment. “Medication, exercise, counseling, sex therapy, yoga, pelvic floor rehabilitation, treating underlying medical conditions — all of these things play a role,” she says.

Concerned About Premature Ejaculation? Talk With Your Physician

It’s also important for patients to understand that many men may be concerned about premature ejaculation, and there’s no shame in talking about it with their doctor, says Bole.

“Many times, patients will talk to us and realize that they’re very much within normal range for ejaculatory latency. They just didn’t know what ‘normal’ was,” says Bole. “But if we do diagnose an issue, we can work together to come up with a solution.”

Complete Article HERE!

What it’s like to struggle to ejaculate during sex

By

‘Only one woman has ever made me cum from oral sex. It took 45 mins and it only happened because she handcuffed me to a chair, blindfolded me and said she wasn’t stopping until I came.’

Matt,* who’s 35, suffers from delayed ejaculation, which means it can take him a long time to achieve orgasm – if he’s able to achieve it at all.

Delayed ejaculation is the third most common male sexual disorder – after erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

But while lasting all night might sound about as problematic as, ‘my wallet can’t fit all these fifties,’ for men like Matt, it’s a genuine source of stress.

‘I get in my own head and worry about how long it’s taking, instead of enjoying it,’ he tells Metro.co.uk.

Matt achieves orgasm on around a quarter of the occasions he has sex. While he accepts this on the basis that, ‘you can have good sex without cumming,’ his partners aren’t always so relaxed about it.

He explains: they get frustrated, and question whether I fancy them or if they’re doing something wrong. I can go for over an hour, and sometimes they ask, “are you ever going to bloody cum?” That can reinforce the feeling that I’m failing.’

Currently single, Matt’s longest relationship was at the age of 20. It lasted a year, but they didn’t actually have sex. He explains: ‘I’d lost my virginity at 18, but she was a very nervous virgin, and it didn’t get there.’

Matt hopes that a long term relationship would make it easier for him to achieve orgasm as, ‘you grow to know each other sexually – it’s better sex when you know what each other likes.’

The stumbling block for Matt is getting a relationship off the ground. Having been single for five years, his delayed ejaculation makes him wary of sex with someone new, ‘even more so if they know my friends – I’d be embarrassed if they found out.’

Sometimes, when Matt’s talked about the issue up front, women have taken it as a challenge to make him cum. This is what happened in the case of The 45 Minute Blowjob, and another time it led to sex that saw him reach orgasm in record time.

He says: ‘when I explained I take ages, and that it was fine if she wanted to stop, she said she wouldn’t stop until I came – then she got on top and grinded until I did.’

Matt fast-tracked to orgasm in a swift 15 minutes, but unfortunately, this didn’t boost his confidence in his ability to cum more easily.

‘It’s not like it happened naturally, it was like, “WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!” which made me feel kind of uncomfortable. She was grinding so hard, the condom broke.’

Having Googled delayed ejaculation, Matt believes condoms, alcohol, his diet and being circumcised all contribute to his issues with achieving orgasm. ‘It’s known that circumcised penises are less sensitive, and from what I’ve read, fatty foods can dull the senses,’ he explains. ‘I think feeling happier naked would relax me more as well.’

While being a stayer is usually seen as a badge of honour, for Matt, it’s nothing but a headache. ‘I sometimes worry it could have an impact on my ability to start to a family and it’s even made me question my sexuality,’ he says. ‘It’s not as much of an issue when I wank – maybe I’m just too used to my hand.’

There are various possible causes of delayed ejaculation, and some research suggests that masturbation may be one of them. Ian, who’s 50, thinks this is definitely the root of his problem.

‘I can end up f***ing for ages without cumming, but when I’m by myself it takes ten minutes,’ Ian tells us. ‘I think masturbating is why I take a while, as I was much more used to that than having sex.’

Ian masturbated two or three times a day from the age of 15. He first had sex at 21, but says, ‘the lack of sex in my 20s and 30s got me more used to masturbating.’

Ian says that when he was younger, sex could often last several hours, but it wasn’t continuous: ‘Sometimes we’d need a breather – I play cricket, so I’m used to a tea break!’

Although Ian’s physical experience is similar to Matt’s, Ian doesn’t see delayed ejaculation as an issue. He says: ‘taking a long time hasn’t had any great negative impact on me. I’d prefer to come a bit quicker, but it’s just the way I am.’

‘This can never be as much of a problem as premature ejaculation – then the show’s over before the orchestra has finished the overture – that’s not fun for anyone.’

Overall, the reaction that Ian’s had from partners has been positive. He never mentions delayed ejaculation beforehand, explaining, ‘I think I’m safe in saying that men don’t say anything to women that might remotely put them off sex’.

When he has taken a while, ‘it’s never been a big issue’.

‘Sometimes they’ve got sore, but in the main, I’d like to think they were ecstatic,’ says Ian. ‘They have commented when I haven’t cum, but only to ask if there was anything else they could do.’

Ian has a list of fallback tricks for just this occasion. ‘I suggest oral, or letting me watch them masturbate,’ he tells us. ‘I’m inclined now to finish with my own hand, on them, if they like that – it brings things to a conclusion.’

Complete Article HERE!

The Guybrator Cometh!

Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews Is BACK!

Hey sex fans!

I got some fantastic news for you.

After a hiatus of nearly three years, I am reviving Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews.

There have been lots of changes in the adult product marketplace over the intervening years and there have been lots of changes here at Dr Dick Sex Advice too.

When our last review appeared in December 2014 the Dr Dick Review Crew and I were plum tuckered out after more than seven years of grueling product testing. We all decided that it was high time to throw in the towel. Despite having the opportunity to sample some of the world’s best adult products we needed a break. Frankly, I thought for sure that when we ended our review run it was the end of it…for good. Well, like they always say, never say never.

Over the years, I’d hear from my loyal readership; they’d tell me that they missed our fun, informative, snarky, and sometimes irreverent reviews. My readers would ask about members of the Dr Dick Review Crew. “What ever happened to Jack & Karen, Glenn & Hank, Joy and Dixie and the others? And when are they gong to return?” I would answer the best I could, but I would always say, “It’s not likely that we’ll revive our product reviews, but I’m delighted to know that our thoughts and comments were meaningful and helped folks make wise buying decisions.”

The intervening years also brought several new potential reviewers. “Hey Dr Dick, If ever you revive your sex toy reviews, I want to volunteer to be on your crew.”

New and innovative products were coming to the marketplace and manufacturers would often reach out to me with offers to send me samples. Again, would thank them for their interest, but declined their offers.

The long and short of it is, I kinda missed the hurly-burley of it all too. There’s nothing like getting a new product delivered to your door, a product that holds out the promise of fun and pleasure.

So, we’re officially back!

We have some new Review Crew members, a hot load of very interesting products, and an eagerness to share it all with you.

Our inaugural product is something very special and here to tell you all about it is a new Dr Dick Review Crew Member, Trevor. I’ll let him introduce himself and what he has in his hot little hands.

Pulse III Duo —— $149.00

Trevor
[H]ey all! I’m Trevor. I’m 32 years old. I’m originally from the UK, Manchester to be precise, but have been in the US since I was 13. I live with my da. My mom passed away three years ago. I am involved with this great gal. Shelia is her name. We’ve been together for just over a year.

I absolutely LOVE sex! I’ve been interested in sex for as long as I can remember. Get this, my da caught me wankin’ away like the little pervert I was when I was just eleven. Embarrassing, huh? Actually it was OK. I think he was as embarrassed as me. Anyhow, after that we’ve been able to talk about sex, which, I think, has been good for both of us. Especially now since my mom’s gone. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Right now, I want to introduce you to the Pulse III Duo. It’s the world’s first Guybrator. It says so right on the classy super-shiny outer box. And this lovely comes from the good people at Hot Octopuss out of London…the one in England. GO Great Britain!!

Inside the box you’ll find a drawstring storage pouch, which has the Hot Octopuss logo on it, a magnetic/USB charging lead and an instruction manual. Then there’s a formed cardboard insert that holds the Pulse III Duo and a round remote control. All the packaging is recyclable. That’s the first item on the Dr Dick Review Crew’ checklist for a GREEN product.

Now let’s take a quick look at the Pulse III Duo itself. It’s basically a palm-sized hammock for your dick. It has these two flexible wings that surround your cock and you can use it with either a limp dick or a stiffy. It’s covered in this beautiful 100% silicone skin and it’s also 100% waterproof. By the way, the Pulse III Duo is the second generation Pulse. There’s also a Pulse II and a Pulse III Solo.

There are buttons on either side of the Pulse III Duo, one for power and vibrating patterns on the left side, and two (+/-) buttons to control intensity on the right side. The Pulse III Duo’s remote activates and controls the independent external vibrator for clitoral stimulation when you use it as a couple. So it’s actually two vibrators in one.

After giving the Pulse III Duo a charge for four hours using the magnetic USB charger, it was ready to go. I used it alone first. I started with my limp dick. I placed it in the hammock with my frenulum, the underside of my cockhead, on the sweet spot of the guybrator, and switched it on. The pulsing piston-like osculation action got me rock hard in moments. This thing is fantastic! I cycled through the 6 stimulation modes and adjusted the intensity with each mode. I couldn’t believe the sensations. I nearly blew my wad in the first few minutes.

Just when I thought I had experienced the full range of sensations I happened upon the “Turbo” button. You just press and hold the (+) button for a moment and it will take your vibrations straight to warp speed. DAMN!! This took me over the top in a matter of a couple minutes. Now, just so you know, I wasn’t actually stroking myself; I was just holding the Pulse III Duo on my dick.

The next time out I decided to add some lube. As with all silicone toys, use only water based lube. A silicone based lube would mar the beautiful finish of the toy. This time I gripped the Pulse III Duo around my dick, folding the wings slightly to embrace my cock. It felt so good I almost forgot to add the vibration. I edged my self for about 20 minutes this way. No mean task, because the pleasure was so intense I had to release my cock several times just to avoid cumming too soon.

The third solo use was in the shower. I love to wank in the shower. And because the Pulse III Duo is waterproof it’s the ideal shower or bath buddy.

I can see where the Pulse III Duo would make a great tool for some guy trying to gain control over his ejaculation response. If you cum too quickly and you want to lean how to last longer, this toy could help train you to do that.

After nearly exhausting myself with solo play I decided to put the Pulse III Duo away till I had the opportunity to show it to and play with it with my gal, Shelia. Luckily, Shelia loves sex toys, particularly the ones that vibrate. In fact, she is the one that originally turned me on to sex toys.

One evening we got a little buzz on with some killer Chardonnay. I whipped out the Pulse III Duo and handed it to her. I didn’t tell her anything about it; I wanted to see if she could figure it out. She handled it a bit and said, “this is a guy’s toy, right?” “Well, it sure can be.” I responded. I told her about my solo play and how I nearly knocked myself out with the powerful orgasms I had with it.

She thought that was all fine and good, but said, “I thought you said this was a toy for couples.” “It IS!!” I responded. That’s when I handed her the remote and showed her how she could adjust the completely independent vibrations on the bottom of Pulse III Duo to stimulate herself while my cock was being stimulated in the hammock.

In no time we were out of our clothes and messin’ around. I put the Pulse III Duo around my dick and positioned the base of the thing on Shelia’s pussy. We were kissing passionately, she was using the remote to cycle through the vibrations, and, within minutes, we both came. Breathless, Sheila simply said, “Wow!”

This is the most fun we’ve had without actually fucking.

One thing to note; the Pulse III Duo is kinda loud, at least comparatively speaking. Shelia and I didn’t care, but you might.

If, for some reason you and your partner, guy or gal, don’t feel up to the old in and out of penetrative sex, this is the toy for you.

As I already mentioned, the Pulse III Duo is covered in velvety, latex-free, nonporous, phthalate-free, and hypoallergenic silicone. And because it is waterproof and made of silicone it’s a breeze to clean. Toss it into the skink with mild soap and warm water, scrub it down a bit, and let it air dry. Or you can just wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution to sanitize for sharing.

I mentioned my da at the beginning of this review, right? He’s in his mid 60’s and has been having some problems with blood pressure. He confided in me some months ago that his blood pressure meds are robbing him of his erections. I felt so bad for him because I can get a boner at the drop of a hat. Once I saw what the Pulse III Duo could do with my flaccid dick I offered to share it with him.

I said, “Look what I got.” “What the hell is that?” He responded. I explained how the thing worked the best I could then showed him the Hot Octopuss website and some of the Pulse III Duo videos on YouTube. I said, “Ya know, you don’t even have to be hard to get enough pleasure to cum.”

I said, “I’m gonna just leave this here. Take it for a spin if ya like.”

He did and absolutely loved it. He went out the very next day and bought one for himself.

Speaking of which, you can purchase the Pulse III Duo through the Hot Octopuss website, or just about any high-end adult products store online will carry it too.

Full Review HERE!

Me love you long time!

Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday. You probably noticed that we took a much longer than expected hiatus from our reviews than we expected. Our last posted review was way back on August 9th. It’s not because we were falling down on the job. Oh no! It was because we were sent a bunch of products that were simply not up to our standards and no one on the Dr Dick Review Crew wanted to use them let alone review them. I tell you this because it’s so important that we all remain vigilant when we’re buying any sort of adult product. There’s still a lot of bad stuff in the marketplace.

Today, however, we have something very interesting to share with you. This product comes to us from the folks at Promescent. It is their signature product and I have Dr Dick Review Crew member, Greg, here to tell us all about this product.

Promescent (trial size) —— $19.95

Greg
I’m back! And it’s way good to be back, too. I was one of the original Review Crew back in the day. Then, in 2010, I moved away from Seattle for love. Once my torrid love affair ended I high-tailed it back to the Emerald City and quickly hooked back up with Dr Dick so I could rejoin the Crew.

Apparently, it was just in the nick of time, too. Dr Dick asked me; “So would you like to review this?” As he handed me three-trial-size packages of Promescent. “What is it?” I asked. And he says, “It’s the only FDA-approved product for Premature Ejaculation.” “That’s cool, I guess, but way are you giving it to me? I don’t have that.” And he says, “Well, did you ever want to last longer than you actually did?” “Sure!” I said. “OK then, have a run at this, and let me know what you think.”

So here I am ready to testify that Promescent really works. Hurray!promescent-01

Here’s the deal. Like I said, I don’t have PE (premature ejaculation). But I know a lot of guys who do; even some of my past partners have had a hair-trigger. And when they talked about it I knew it was devastating to them. I can only feel bad for them because it must be awful to lack control over your ejaculation. And then I remembered what Dr Dick asked me…do I ever want to last longer than I actually do. And yeah, there have been times, especially when I’m with a hot new partner when I felt that if I wasn’t careful, I’d go off half-cocked, if ya know what I mean.

That’s what I had in mind when I used Promescent. And I got to tell you, not having to worry about losing control makes having sex way more enjoyable. I don’t have to count backwards from 100, ya know to distract my attention from the hot sex I’m having. I mean, who wants to do that?

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I used Promescent for the first time I went to their website to check it out. While the trial size packaging does have some information about use and other drug information, the print is so tiny that I thought it best that I go to the source for all the information I was looking for. By the way, I suggest that you do that too.

PromescentThe Promescent website has tons of info about the product and how to use it. I learned that you spray a measured dose to the underside of your cock 10-15 minutes before sex. The active ingredient is lidocaine a pretty common local anesthetic. The cool thing about this product is that it penetrates the skin of your dick and it doesn’t transfer to your partner. I mean, I always use a condom when I’m fucking, but still. I can see where this would be very important feature for a couple who doesn’t have to use a condom.

I also learned that once Promescent has been absorbed (in about 10 minutes) and after any excess product has been wiped away, you can then use lube.

The trial size bottle is designed as a single use bottle and contains approximately 10 sprays. I like the trial size because it’s easy to slip it into the back pocket of my jeans, which makes carrying it and using it very discreet. I mean you probably don’t want to be advertising to a partner that you may have a little problem with control, right?

So you’re probably asking yourself, what does it feel like? Does it numb your whole unit, or what? Well, it feels a little cool when first applied. And since Promescent works on the nerve ending under your skin, there wasn’t any significant loss of sensitivity on my cock. That’s great because I thought; I sure as hell didn’t want my dick to be like totally anesthetized.

Listen, you guys, if PE is as prevalent as Dr Dick says it is, then a lot of you are needlessly missing out on a whole bunch of pleasure. And think about the disappointment your partners are probably experiencing because you can’t control yourself. Of even if you are like me and have to, from time to time, think of something unsexy while you’re getting it on, just to avoid untimely climax, then you too are missing out on a bunch of pleasure.
Full Review HERE!

Enjoy

SEX WISDOM With David and Peter — Podcast #338 — 07/02/12

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hello sex fans! Welcome back.

Do you realize that we haven’t had a SEX WISDOM podcast since way back in March? Well that’s just a cryin’ shame, if you ask me. Because this is the series in which I introduce my audience to some of the movers and shakers in the field of human sexuality. I chat with researchers, educators, clinicians, pundits and philosophers who are helping us take a fresh look at our sexual selves.

Today I welcome two extraordinary men, who I believe fit squarely in the pundits category. Here with me are David and Peter the founders and proprietors of bateworld.com and thebateshop.com. Their site is dedicated to gay/bi/straight men who love to masturbate. And the theBateShop (ya gotta love that clever name) doesn’t carry minnows or night crawlers, but products to invigorate your masturbation experience. So guess what we’re gonna be talking about today? Oh, you’re all so clever!

David and Peter and I discuss:

  • Being the mavens of masturbation and the jokers of jackin’ off;
  • The bateworld.com back-story;
  • A tour of their site;
  • Why masturbation is the focus;
  • What masturbation teaches us;
  • An exhibitionist’s playground and a voyeur’s paradise;
  • Edging;
  • Masturbation as a fetish;
  • Chat rooms;
  • Two levels of membership;
  • Their 30,000 members.



David and Peter invite you to visit their sites HERE and HERE! Check out their YouTube channel HERE and their twitter feed HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

The Heartbreak of Male Performance Anxiety

I get a dozen or so messages a month on this topic. I’ve written about it in numerous postings and spoken about it in several podcasts, but still the email comes.

One of the real bugaboos for anyone, regardless of gender, is living up to our own expectations of sexual performance. So many things can get in the way, literally and figuratively, of fully enjoying ourselves and/or pleasuring our partners.

The arousal stage of our sexual response cycle is particularly vulnerable to a disruption. And when there’s trouble there, there’s no hiding it. A limp dick or a dry pussy can put the kibosh on all festivities that we may have hoped would follow.

However, performance anxiety can strike any of us, regardless of age, and at just about any point in our sexual response cycle. This is a particularly galling when it seems to come out of the blue. And regaining our composure can be more far more difficult than we imagine.

Today we will be focusing on male performance anxiety.  I’ll address female performance anxiety at a later date.

Here’s Bob, he’s 26:
Doc, this has never happened before. But I couldn’t get it up tonight, and this chick was H.O.T. Now I’m not gay at all, but I haven’t had sex in about 3 years because I was locked up…so I masturbated pretty regularly, about 3 or 4 times a week. But I can’t figure out why I was soft… the only thing I can think of is I ate clams tonight and I’ve never had them before. Could it be that or should I get checked out?

It weren’t the clams, darlin’! And I don’t think you need to get “checked out” either…at least not right away. If you could back away from the situation a bit and stop freaking out, I think you’d discover the source of your problem all on your own.

Here’s the thing—while you were out of commission there in the slammer, you relied, as you say, on jerking off. Okay, cool. We all do what we gotta do. Now the first time you try to score after your release…you go soft. This tells me you have a mild case of performance anxiety. We all get that from time to time.

There’s probably nothing wrong with you or your johnson. You just got the jitters first time you tried to get you some after being away, that’s all.

The anticipation of boning this H.O.T. chick—fueled by some predictable self-consciousness; what with just getting out of the big house and all—pulled the plug on your wood. No surprise there, right?

What I don’t want to see happen is for you to replay the incident over and over in your mind’s eye til that’s all you can think about. If you do, this proverbial molehill will become a mountain. You’ll then bring all this anxiety to your next encounter, setting yourself up for even more disappointment. You can see how this shit can snowball? If you interpret every less than satisfying encounter as a failure, your fears will become self-fulfilling. You’ll begin to avoid partnered sex and you’ll develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction. And your self-esteem will take a nosedive, too.

If you’re preoccupied with your performance, it’s less likely that you’ll be fully present during sex with a partner. This pretty much fucks up your sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity. Why not just relax into the whole sex thing and not try to prove your manhood with your pecker?

Then there’s Steve with a slightly different take on this meddlesome problem:

My partner and I have been together for just over 3 years now in a monogamous relationship. I am the top and he the bottom. Our problem is not premature ejaculation on his part, but his inability to have an orgasm at all. No matter what I try and even if he masturbates, sometimes it is impossible to get him to cum. Is this a medical issue? Have you ever heard of this?

Delayed ejaculation is the difficulty one has ejaculating even with a firm erection and sufficient sexual arousal and stimulation. This problem is not uncommon. For most men, delayed ejaculation occurs during partnered sex more frequently than while masturbating. In fact, 85% of men with delayed ejaculation can usually cum by jacking off. However, in partnered sex, the guy may be unable to ejaculate at all, or only after prolonged partnered stimulation. This problem can be very frustrating and cause distress for both partners involved, as you already know.

What causes delayed ejaculation? Well, it could be a number of things. It could be something as simple as performance anxiety, or inadequate stimulation, or there could be neurological damage.

I don’t want to be too reductionist here, but most of us experts believe that the majority of instances of delayed ejaculation aren’t physical in nature, but rather are the product of psychological concerns. Simply put, there’s a difference between the psychosexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. There’s probably nothing wrong with your partner’s unit. It’s all in his head…or his mind, to be more exact. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s got a real bad case of performance anxiety.

When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psychosexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training (Sensate Focus is a series of specific exercises for couples that encourage each partner to take turns paying increased attention to their own sensations. More about these helpful exercises in the weeks to come.), stress reduction and relaxation exercises. These applications are designed to reduce performance pressure and instead focus on pleasure. The idea is to get them to stay in the moment; absorb the pleasure present without worrying about what is “supposed” to happen.

Finally we address as frankly and openly as possible any fears or anxieties that they may have—as individuals or as a couple. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Ok, let’s recap shall we?

Overcoming sexual performance anxiety is dependent on five simple things.

  • First, a guy needs to be attuned to his sexual response cycle — arousal, plateau, orgasmic and resolution phases. He should know what kind of stimulation he needs at each phase to fully enjoy himself and satisfy his partner.
  • Second, the more worried a guy is about a performance issue, the more likely that problem will present itself. A bad experience in the past can often set the stage for its recurrence.
  • Third, don’t be afraid to talk this over with your partner. Withdrawing from your partner or shying away from sex altogether will only increase the likelihood that the problem will persist.
  • Forth, be proactive! Fearing the loss of your sexual prowess or feeling sorry for yourself is counterproductive. Confront the challenge head on. Employ sensate focus training stress reduction techniques and relaxation exercises to help you push past this temporarily impasse and regain your self-confidence.
  • Fifth, free yourself from the mindset that your dick is the center of the universe. Your manhood or your capacity to be a great lover does not reside in your genitals. Expand your sexual repertoire. Remember, pleasure centers abound in your body as well as your partner’s.

Good luck!

Kypris and Steven Jay, Part 1 — Podcast #52 — 02/25/08

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!

I have some very exciting news. This week we inaugurate a brand-spankin’ new podcast format that will become a regular feature of many upcoming programs. From time to time, we will depart from our usual question and answer arrangement and bring you lively and informative interviews with interesting people making news in the field of sexuality.

This week I am pleased to bring you Part 1 of my interview with two masters in the practice ofsteven_kypris_book_us.jpg Tantric Sex. Kypris and Steven Jay are the founders of YabYummy.com, an online resource for people seeking a tantric path to sexual wholeness.

They share their thoughts about:

  • The meaning of Tantra
  • Ejaculation control
  • Healing fear, guilt and shame
  • Multiple Orgasms
  • Female Masturbation

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s dr dick’s toll free podcast voicemail. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question? No time to write? Give dr dick a call at (866) 422-5680. Again, the TOLL FREE voicemail number is (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY !

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the health section under the subheading — Sexuality. Or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Say, would you like to become a sponsor for one or more of my weekly sex advice podcasts? As you know, I plug a product or service at the beginning and end of each show. Each podcast has its own posting on my site along with the name of the podcast sponsor and a banner for the product or service.

The beauty part about this unique opportunity is that once a sponsor’s ad is included in a particular podcast that sponsor is embedded there forever.

Your sponsorship also underscores your social conscience. Your marketing dollars will not only got to promote your product, but you will be doing so while helping to disseminate badly needed sex education and sexual enrichment messages. Simply put, ya just can’t get a better bang for your advertising buck!

For further information, contact me at: dr_dick@drdicksexadvice.com

Today’s Anniversary Podcast is bought to you by: of YabYummy.com.

full_banner2.jpg

What’s Gotten Into You?

Name: Janet
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Location: Sacramento
Recently I accidentally discovered that my husband is downloading porn onto his computer from the internet. There’s a lot of it and it all features teenage girls. I feel sick at the discovery. Why in the world would he hide something like this? I don’t get it, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Let’s see, why would your husband hide his sexual fantasies from you? Ahhh, maybe it’s because he knows that if he ever did share this private little part of his life with you, you’d pitch a fit just like you are doing now.

So your husband has a harmless fantasy life. Big deal! Get over it, darling. You want honesty in your marriage, Janet? Then stop being such a prig.

sp-porn-gallery-player-screenshot-large.jpg

Fact is, most straight men groove on young female flesh. (Gay men on young male flesh.) Where’s the surprise in that? The male brain is hot-wired to find youth attractive and alluring. It has something to do with the original purpose of sex — procreation. Youthfulness equals fertility; it’s as simple and genetically programmed as that. Your husband is just bein’ a guy. Why would you berate him for that? You sound like a real charmer.

Even though most mature straight males want to gawk at teenage titties, they are rarely stupid enough to think they can compete with hot and hunky younger men for theporn_cartoon.jpg affections of these nubile vixens. Despite their rich fantasy life, they are more likely to stick with the adult females they’ve married. The guys who are to dense to figure this out, are likely to be absolutely miserable in the pursuit of what will constantly elude them. So give your old man a break, and let him enjoy a little virtual thrill.

Oh and Janet, and all you other people out there who are snooping around in other people’s private affairs — stop it! Do you honestly think that I fell for that “oh, I accidentally discovered downloaded porn on my husband’s computer” bullshit? Shame on you for prying into his private life without his permission. You have no right to do that. Even in a marriage an individual has a right to privacy and you, my dear, violated that trust. If anyone ought to be upset at this discovery it should be him.

Name: Richard
Gender: male
Age: 26
Location: Duluth MN
I’ve been practicing periods of celibacy and the way that I practice celibacy is by not ejaculating. I’ll still have fornication with my girlfriend and things like that but without ejaculation. My question is that I notice that when I end a period of celibacy by finally ejaculating that my energy level is extraordinarily low afterwards. Are there supplements I can take to counteract the sleepy feeling I have after I ejaculate? Basically I would like to have the same focus day to day as when I am practicing celibacy but while I have a sexually active life. Any thoughts or answers would be great.

Before I get to your question. Richard, let’s work on some of your vocabulary, shall we? The sexual practice you describe is not a type of celibacy. Celibacy has a very specific meaning. It is the state of being unmarried. You actually happen to be celibate, not because you’re cock_art.jpgpracticing ejaculation control, but because you’re not married (i.e. the GF). For the sake of clarity, the only thing we ought to be able to say for sure when someone identifies him/herself as celibate is that he/she is not married. Period!

You’re not really being sexually abstinent either, which is a concept that is often confused with celibacy. I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you’re a Catholic, or you were raised as one. Who else would use the term “fornicate” when talking about having sex with his GF?

While technically you are correct, in “church-speak” unmarried partners fucking is fornicating. This is opposed to adultery, which refers to a married person fucking someone other than his or her husband or wife. The term fornicate has a very pejorative connotation. It’s a word religious people use to describe sinful behavior. Is fucking your girlfriend sinful in your mind, Richard? If it is, stop fucking her right away! If it isn’t, then don’t refer to your sexual relations with her as fornication. If you can’t bring yourself to use the term “fuck” to talk about what you two do together, there are plenty of other less negative euphemisms. For example, intercourse, or even coitus works. Just jettison the fornication, why don’t cha!

Now, on to the very interesting sexual practice you describe in your message. If it isn’t a “type” of celibacy, what is it? I think you maybe talking about a tantric sex practice. You have sex — solo as well as partnered sex — but you avoid ejaculating, right? You don’t really say why you do this other than you seem to believe you conserve energy this way. Tantric practitioners talk about this practice in similar terms — preserving one’s energy or chi. And that’s what leads me to think what you’re doing is a form of tantra.

Tantric sex is very interesting, if for no other reason it distinguishes between orgasm and ejaculation. Although they often happen at the same time for us men, we are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating and ejaculating without an orgasm. Perhaps, you’ve already discovered this.

Ejaculatory control, which is what I think you are doing, is what makes it possible for Tantric lovers to harness and extend the energy of orgasm. By refraining from, or holding off on an ejaculation, men can become multi-orgasmic. Some men achieve this by a practice known as edging or controlling the wave of orgasmic energy without ejaculating.

Further, you ask if there are any drugs that can help you regain your strength, or chi after you finally ejaculate. Rather than seek a chemical solution, why not delve deeper into tantra for the answers you seek. You are already more than half way there. You might want to look into chi power training too. Because, if I’m not mistaken, that’s what you’re actually talking about.

Name: Leila
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Trenton, NJ
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He wants sex way more often than I do. It’s not because I don’t love him, it’s because he’s ballooned to over 85 pounds more than he weighed when we were married and he was a big guy back then. About a month ago, I told him why my libido was low. This hurt his feelings and I got the silent treatment for a week. I’ve been trying to convince him that it’s in his best interest that he slim down. He’d feel better and live longer. I cook healthy food at home, but I have control over how he eats when he’s on his own. I’ve tried getting him interested in exercising, but none of this is working. The best I get from him is an occasional guilty feeling that makes him order a diet soda to go with his giant sized fast food meal. I love the big lug, but he’s grossing me out.

Holy cow, your fat slob of a husband is about to lose the best thing he’s got goin for him, huh Leila?742_funny_fat_men.jpg

Listen up folks; a marriage license does not authorize you to go to seed. People marry each other because they’re attracted to their partners emotionally and physically. When a husband or wife, lets him or herself go to the point of radically changing his or her physical appearance, that person can’t complain when his/her spouse’s libido drops off to nothing, or he or she starts to wander.

Level with your obese husband, darlin’! He’s got to know that he has a choice to make — you or the junk food. You have a right to demand that he not eat himself out of a sex life, or worse eat himself to death.

Here’s the thing; many people, myself included, believe that obesity is the moral equivalent of drunkenness. That’s right, you heard me. Out of control eating is just as bad as out of control drinking. Health risks alone make obesity a national crisis, surpassing even alcoholism.

jabba-the-computer-nerd-1.jpgWould you stand helplessly by and watch your husband get hammered every day? Would anyone be surprised to learn that your libido slipped away because your husband drank himself into a stupor every night? I don’t think so. So why do we tolerate self-destructive food consumption? It’s as damaging to one’s body and one’s sex life as too much booze.

Listen Leila, you need to tell your spousal unit that his current size and shape is a turn-off to you, and that’s why you’re not putting out for him any more. Take my advice and don’t mince your words just to spare his feelings.

And for all you out there who think I’m being heartless bastard. Just imagine how cruel it would be if Leila did or said nothing and her old man suddenly keeled over leaving her not only without sex, but a widow to boot.

Name: Cap
Gender: male
Age: 27
Location: Georgia
I’m an Iraq vet, two tours of duty. I’ve been home now for nearly 6 months and I can’t pull it together. I’m depressed and angry all the time. I even find myself crying for no reason. I love my wife, but I can’t get it up. I get frustrated and embarrassed and the whole thing falls apart. My wife tries to be supportive, but I know she’s not happy. What should I do?

The first thing we all need to recognize is that the young men we send off to war are never the same men who return from war. The experiences you had in Iraq have fundamentally altered you, Cap. You are now realizing that the hell that is war doesn’t stop when one is discharged.
nm_ptsd_070428_ms.jpg
It’s painfully clear to me that you are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. You report all the classic symptoms. Are you not getting any professional therapy to help you readjust to civilian life? If not; why not? You shouldn’t be trying to handle this on your own. Reach out for the help you need. You fellow citizens owe you this much…at least.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been hearing from a number of vets lately, the Puget Sound area is a big military hub. Many vets report difficulty connecting with a spouse upon returning home. Like you, Cap, they continue to have affection for their partner, but for some of these men and women the eroticism has gone out of the relationship. Is this just what happens when one of the partners has been gone for such a long time? Or is there more to it than that? I know some vets are so consumed by their unresolved depression and anger that it is interfering with their sexual response, making it impossible for them to perform. Some vets are turning to drugs and alcohol to numb their psychological torment. Some are simply shutting down emotionally, because their internal turmoil is just too great and there’s no room for anything else. Is this what’s happening to you, Cap?

You can’t expect your long-suffering wife to hang in there indefinitely, especially if you are not actively involved with a therapist to resolve your war-induced nightmare.

iraq-vet-bs.JPG

The good news is that many men who have preceded you to war in previous generations have come home as broken and abused as you. But they have, with the help of others, pulled their lives together once again. I encourage you to move in that direction. The longer you wait, the more pronounced the symptoms will become. Left unattended they will destroy your life as sure as if you had been an actual causality of an IED. Don’t let this awful war claim even one more victim.

Good luck ya’ll