Category Archives: Sex Therapy

Fear of Sex, Lasting Longer, Performance Anxiety, Preorgasmic Women, Sensate Focus

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #171 — 11/30/09

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Hey sex fans,

We’ll be winding up the year with our traditional Q&A format.  For the few weeks that remain hairy_buttbefore our well-deserved annual holiday break I’ll be addressing the concerns of the sexually worrisome that come to me as email and voicemail.  And if we have the time, we’ll be discussing everyone’s favorite topic; sex toys.  The Erotic Mind series will resume in the New Year with a slew of new and interesting erotic artists and authors who will share their work with us and discuss their creative process.

Among today’s correspondents are:

  • Jake wants to invite his straight male friends to a circle jerk.
  • Dennis can’t get his GF to blow him, or even jerk him off.
  • Tyler wants to know how to do a DP.
  • Uncircumcised Guy wants to get cut now that he’s an adult.
  • Anonymous wants to know what drips out his ass after gettin pegged.
  • We have a handjob question as well as some ass play and prostate questions.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, December 1st is World AIDS Day.  To commemorate this occasion, SEXIS — the brilliant e-magazine that is lighting up the net — will be presenting an unprecedented weeklong series of essays, memoirs, personal reflections and video.

They call this The World AIDS Day Project.  And I am honored to kick off this series, today, November 30th with my essay Human Rights, Sexual Rights and World AIDS Day”.  Be sure to look for it.

Later in the week look for other insightful and poignant columns by some of the best and brightest writers on the net.  Anatomy of an AIDS Activist; Learning Out Loud; Boogeyman Logic—A Requiem for Matthew; AIDS through My Days; AIDS Really Isn’t That Funny; Live Through This: Can Gay Rights Be Gained via HIV?; and “No Dominion”.

SEXIS will also present a video montage filmed at The AIDS Service Center, NYCPart 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Again, this week of dedicated articles and essays begins, Today, November 30th and runs through Friday, December 4th.  Don’t miss this people!

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: SEXIS.

WAD

Santa Baby!

Hey sex fans,

It’s Black Friday; the day the holiday shopping madness starts in earnest.  I know some of you live for this time of the year, so The Dr Dick Review Crew will do our part.  This is Week 3 of this our Holiday Gift Giving Guide.

This week we will hear from Review Crew members:  Denise, Jack & Karen and Gina & Kevin.

First up, our friends and neighbors (BC, Canada), the extraordinary women at Eros & Isis send a work of art.

Sweet Pea —— $68.00

Denise
I have the pleasure of introducing you to a luscious little playmate, Sweet Pea, from a fantastic new company in British Columbia, Canada, Eros & Isis.  It’s such a rare find to discover a boutique adult products company.  I am so over the cookie-cutter, mass-produced stuff made of dubious materials that floods the marketplace.  How refreshing to discover a manufacturer with an environmental consciousness.  Long live Eros & Isis!

Sweet Pea is a petite, 3.5” x 2.5”, bulbous headed vibe made of 100% platinum SweetPeasilicone. It’s completely safe and non-toxic, which includes the natural mineral pigment embedded into the silicone to achieve the antique look of their toys.  It is meticulously sculpted, molded and cast by hand to appear as a turn of the century collectible.  It really is unique.  I haven’t seen its like anywhere else.

Sweet Pea features a removable one-speed bullet vibrator that can be replaced or upgraded to any bullet-style unit.  The bullet come packed with batteries, I’m happy to report.  So your first ride is on the house.  You can use Sweet Pea externally, but I prefer it as a pussy plug.  The sculpted base delivers delicious stimulation to my lips and clit.  And it is so soft and comfortable I can wear for an extended time. Very nice!

There’s a bit of a secret to removing bullet vibe from the base for cleanup or when you need to change the batteries.  Simply add a few drops of water-based lube between the vibe and the hole it’s in.  Remember only water-based lube on a beautiful silicone toy like this. Work the lube around a little; apply pressure to the base of the toy above the vibe and PRESTO!  The vibe pops out.

Sweet Pea is just one of the gorgeous Eros & Isis toys and each is available in Gold, Silver, and Jade.  The silicone makes the toys easy to clean with soap and water.  But it also can be sterilized in boiling water or in the dishwasher; sans the vibe, of course.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Next, we have another Good Vibrations Ambassador Review.

Smartballs Teneo UNO & DUO —— $34.00 & $44.00

Gina & Kevin
Kevin:  “Smartballs Teneo are Fun Factory’s take on a very old idea, Ben Wa Balls.  You know what those are, right?  They are insertable balls that were invented hundreds of years ago, to enhance sexual stimulation and to exercise a woman’s PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscle). But since men have PC muscles too, I wanted to join in the fun.  In other words, you do your Kegel exercises with these babies while they are inserted vaginally or, in my case, anally.”13BG01-1
Gina:  “Smartballs are discreet.  And as Kevin suggests, they are both pleasurable and therapeutic.”
Kevin:  “Remember, the more Kegels you do, the more intense your orgasms are.  And this is true for both women and men.”
Gina:  “You simply insert the Smartballs Teneo UNO into your vagina.
Kevin:  “Or the Smartballs Teneo DUO into your ass. Or the other way around.”
Gina:  “Each Smartball unit has a finger groove for easy insertion and a tether that makes for easy removal.  You’ll want to use some lube when inserting.  And since these products are made of silicone, you can only use a water-based lube with them.”
Kevin:  “Here’s the special part.  Each Smartball has an inner ball that creates the a sweetest vibration sensation.”
Gina:  “They aren’t as heavy a ball as I am used to, but they are comfortable to wear.  And you can wear these for hours, if you’d like.  Take them dancing, to the grocery or for a walk in the park.  Every movement gives you pleasure while strengthening your PC muscles.”
Kevin:  “They are extremely durable and easy to clean. You can sterilize them in boiling water or pop ‘em in the dishwasher, which makes the Smartballs Teneo shareable. You can also wipe them down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.  Or just use soap and warm water for a quick cleanup.”
Gina:  “I like to masturbate with the Smartballs.  My orgasms are more intense, because my vaginal muscles contract around the vibrating balls.  Regular use can also help prevent stress incontinence.”
Kevin:  “And I like to squeeze one off with a ball or two in my ass.  They provide very pleasant prostate stimulation.  And ya never have to change batteries or wait for a recharge.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally, the last in our series of Tristan Taormino’s educational and enrichment videos.

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide To Anal Pleasure For Men —— $29.95

Jack & Karen
Jack:  “We’re back with another butt sex video.  If you remember, last time we reviewed: The Expert Guide to Anal Sex.  I was all bummed out because that video didn’t include men as the receiving partners in anal sex.  How was I supposed to know that there was an entire video in this series that was all about pegging your guy?”
Karen:  “Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide To Anal Pleasure For Men is just what we’ve been looking for.”DVDVIVID66
Jack:  “The disc starts out with a tutorial on the subject of male anal stimulation and goes from the anatomy itself through the actual processes involved. And our favorite ass-mistress, Tristan Taormino, is the host of this portion of the film.”
Karen:  “Then there are three sex scenes. The first involves Penny Flame and Devin.  Tristan is there in an advisory role for the opening portion of the scene.  Penny uses her fingers, a butt-plug, and a couple of strap-ons on Devin.  This is the part that interested me the most.”
Jack:  “Annie Cruz and Nomad are up next.  She finger fucks her guy with up to four of them at once.  DAMN!  She also uses a bead-like butt-plug, an even large butt-plug, and a strap-on on him.  Nomad fingers and fucks Annie’s ass with a glass dildo while she jills-off with vibrator.  Very Hot!”
Karen:  “I like the give and take between these two performers.”
Jack:  “The third scene features Jandi Lin and Christian. Christian takes Jandi’s fingers, a metal butt-plug, a glass-like butt-plug and a, curved black prostate stimulator in his ass. Jandi rims him a bit, although not convincingly.  Unfortunately there is no strap-on use here.”
Karen:  “There was a bunch of stuff in this scene that I didn’t like.  They had to do with exchanging bodily fluids, if you know what I mean.  I agree with Jack, the connection between the two performers seemed a little contrived.”
Jack:  “There are also tutorials in the bonus section.  They include; Safer Sex, How to Choose & Wear A Strap-On, Solo Prostate Stimulation—involving the guys from the movie, and Anal Hygiene and Enemas—featuring the gals.  This was just the stuff I had been looking for.  Some may find the tutorials a bit dry, especially if you’re watching this for the porn value.  But I think it’s important stuff to know, particularly for men, like me, who about to make the anal plunge.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY

Luscious LELO, Our Conclusion

For the last seven months, the Dr Dick Review Crew has been reveling in the sensuous pleasures that are LELO.  We’ve brought you 4 reviews so far — ELISE, BO, IRIS and GIGI

Today, we conclude our LELO presentation with three other amazing products.  Review Crew Members:  Kevin & Gina, Joy & Dixie and Brad do the honors.

ELLA —— $44.00

Kevin & Gina

Gina: “We kicked off the LELO reviews with our review of GIGI.”
Kevin: “So there’s some beautiful symmetry to us being part of the concluding reviews.”
Gina: “And speaking of symmetry we have the pleasure of introducing you to ELLA, another stunning pleasure object from the undisputed leader in adult products, LELO!”Ella_white_mv1
Kevin: “ELLA is not a vibrator. It is, however, a beautifully sculpted insertable that is ideal for G-spot or P-spot stimulation.”
Gina: “And you can use either end! It’s like getting two toys in one.”
Kevin: “It comes in the famous LELO high-end packaging. It’s perfect for gift giving. But for those of us who appreciate minimal packaging, it can sometimes feel like over kill.”
Gina: “And because there is no vibration with this pleasure object, there’s no fussing with batteries or dubious recharge ports. Besides, I like the fact that I can be the instrument of my own bliss.”
Kevin: “It’s made of 100% seamless silicone. It is soft and velvety and beautiful to the touch. It’s approximately 7.25 inches long and 1.5 inches across at the widest point. Like Gina mentioned, ELLA can be inserted using either end. The curved tip is just like the GIGI. I LOVE IT!
Gina: “Because it is silicone, it cleans up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too. If you’re going to share this toy, and I really think you should, you can serialize it in boiling water for a minute or two, or pop it in the top shelf of the dishwasher.”
Kevin: “I totally agree that you ought to share this toy. We all have a ‘spot’ of one sort or another — G or P, that is. Just insert the curved tip about two inches into your pussy or asshole, as the case may be, with the curve pointed towards the front of your body and rock the handle up and down. Oh baby, oh baby!”
Gina: “Kevin does not exaggerate. This is what I meant when I said I like being the instrument of my own bliss.”
Kevin: “If you’re more of a dildo kinda person, the other, long tapered end of ELLA will put a smile on your face.”
Gina: “Use it on yourself for solo play; use it on your partner for partnered play.”
Kevin: “And it’s not just a pleasure object; it’s also a therapeutic object. You can use this honey to do your Kegels with too. And all of us, men and women need to do those.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

Next up is BOB.  We turn to Brad for his thoughts.

BOB —— $49.00
Brad

Hey, isn’t BOB and acronym for Big Old Bottom? That’s what Dr Dick keeps calling me! So ok, I’m a straight guy with a thing for his prostate. For years I couldn’t admit this to myself, let alone others. But nowadays I’m an out and proud butt pirate.

And as a personal trainer, I often find myself talking to my male clients about prostate health. Apparently, my straight clients find that information easier to take because I’m straight too. And I’ve been telling them about my BOB, you can count on that.

Anyhow, I’m like totally down with BOB, this stylish gentleman’s butt plug. If you’ve cat_bob_bordeaux_320_320-1never tried a plug, this is the ideal starter size. It’s about 3” of insertable length and not much thicker than my thumb. It is easy to insert, even for the novice. And because its “plug” shaped it stays in place once inserted. BTW, you’ll want to use a water-based lube with this 100% silicone toy.

BOB is so comfortable, as well as being very stimulating, so you can wear it for hours. I do. People often ask me why I smile so much and why am so easy going. If they only knew I had BOB in my ass! I absolutely love saying that.

BOB has this ring on its base; this keeps it from going in too far and makes pulling it out of your ass a breeze. If you really want to treat yourself to a nice prostate massage, all ya do is use the ring to make thrusting and rocking motions. I can actually cum by massaging my prostate like this. I don’t even have to touch my dick.
FULL REVIEW HERE

Finally there’s LUNA BEADS and for that review we turn to Joy & Dixie

LUNA BEADS —— $47.00

Joy & Dixie

Joy: “We’re glad to be back with everyone after having a couple months off. We were on an extended holiday and we missed all our toys at home while we were away.”
Dixie: “That’s not exactly true, we did take a couple of our favorite toys with us. One new one that we well talk about at another time, and the other was our delightful LUNA BEADS. They are very discreet and easy to pack. And they are both pleasurable and therapeutic.”
Joy: “LUNA BEADS are LELO’s take on a very old idea, Ben Wa Balls. You’ve heard of Luna_beads_mv2them, right? They were invented hundreds of years ago, to enhance female sexual stimulation and to exercise a woman’s PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscle). In other words, you do your Kegel exercises with these puppies.
Dixie: “Here’s a tip; the more Kegels you do, the more intense your orgasms are.”
Joy: “You simply insert the LUNA BEADS, each of which has an inner ball that creates the most amazing vibration sensation.”
Dixie: “The kit comes with two sets of silicone balls that pop in and out of a plastic girdle – one set is close to 30 grams and the other set is around 40 grams.”
Joy: “You can mix and match the weighted balls to build up your PC muscles. And you can wear these for hours, if you’d like. I know I like!”
Dixie: “Being made of silicone they are easy to sterilize, which makes the LUNA BEADS shareable. But for under $50 you may want your own set.”
Joy: “Dixie and I both like to masturbate with the LUNA BEADS. They deliver intense orgasms, because your muscles contract around the vibrating balls.”
Dixie: “You can say that again. And there’s never a need to change batteries or wait for a recharge. You can see why we took the LUNA BEADS on our vacation.”
Joy: “We completely endorse this product. They are both fun and healthful. We’ll never leave home without them.”
FULL REVIEW HERE

ENJOY!

Easy Cum, Easy Go

Hey sex fans,

Listen up!

I’m adding this new feature to my Q&A columns.  Whenever possible, I will include in my response a link to a movie in my HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY (see the VOD tab at the top of the page?) that will further educate or enrich the person who is asking the question.

Think of it as at HOMEWORK or further study on the topic at hand.  I hope all of you will benefit from this terrific instructional and enriching resource.  (Click on the images below for viewing information.)

Name: Spencer
Gender:
Age: 37
Location: Ottawa
I am very interested in learning more about prostate massage and milking techniques.  Are you familiar with these things?  Thank you.

I am very familiar with both prostate massage and the fetish commonly known as milking.

But let’s begin with prostate massage, because it is something every guy can practice and enjoy.  I a53342_xlfrecommend all us men folk be prostate aware.  You know I’m a big advocate of frequent prostate self-exam, right?  And I figure while you’re down there rootin’ around in your butt-hole checking for abnormalities, hey spend a little more time and give yourself a nice massage why don’t ‘cha?  Fingers work just fine for this, but an insertable vibrator is…well…out of this world.  Prostate massage is a wonderful way to expand your self-pleasuring repertoire, especially for all you guys out there who only know how to yank on their dick for joy.  And ladies, prostate massage is a great way to play with your male partners.  Perhaps if you signal to your guy that a little butt play can be fun, more straight guys will be less ass-phobic and the world will be a much better place, don’t cha know.

You can feel your prostate gland by inserting a finger a couple of inches or so into your bum.  If you are the least bit aroused your prostate will feel like a smooth rounded flat lump about the size of a large almond. Just in back of and up from your prostate is a smaller triangular wedge shaped nodule that is the bottom portion of your somewhat larger seminal vesicles.  This, by the way, is where most of your jizz is produced and stored. Underneath the seminal vesicles are the ampullae, which are tiny reservoirs for your sperm that will mix with all the other fluids produced by the vesicles and your prostate when you cum.

a73296_xlfAs you become aroused, ejaculatory fluid and sperm accumulate in these glands backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory ducts. When the fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the muscular contractions of your ejaculation.  This empties the glands and you’ve just shot your wad.

Naturally, if one abstains from ejaculating for a while and prolongs his arousal stage, say like through edging, more fluids will build up, making for a larger load and a more explosive orgasm.

So with that little anatomy lesson behind us, so to speak, we can get back to prostate massage.  Simply insert your well-lubricated middle finger or middle finger and index finger into your butt hole and apply a little pressure.  Slowly massage your prostate.  Doesn’t that feel yummy?  Some men can cum by prostate massage alone.  Hell, you may find that you don’t even need a stiff dick to enjoy an orgasm and/or an ejaculation.

a83370_xlfNow to kink things up a bit we introduce the fetish called milking.  This is mostly a partnered — dom/sub, bondage/discipline — sort of deal.  But a guy can certainly do it on his own if he’d like.  Basically, the object here is to drain and collect the spunk produced.  How it’s collected?  Well that’s is up for grabs.  Ya see there are a zillion variations on the milking theme.  Some practitioners deny the donor the pleasure of an orgasm while collecting his jizz.  Ice packs are placed on a guy’s cock and balls before milking begins.  The spooge will flow through prostate massage and masturbation, but there won’t be much feeling for the donor.

Another interesting twist on milking is to completely restrain and blindfold the donor.  This may include a little (or a lot) of cock and ball torture (CBT) during the milking sessions.  There are even milking machines available, not unlike the contraptions that milk a mother’s breast, for the medical fetishists among us.

There are sadists who revel in denying the donor any sexual release except for his milking sessions.  This is where a male chastity belt will come in mighty handy.  A guy will still need to a71598_xlfhave his balls drained, so to speak, every few weeks in order to avoid him losing his joy juice in a wet dream or when he takes a piss. But with regular prostate milkings, a dude can be deprived of orgasmic release for a long time with no harmful effects.

Those going for volume rather than frequency practice what is known as cum control, which takes edging to a whole new level.   Their objective is to go as long as possible without triggering an orgasm or a wet dream.  Since the pressure of fluid buildup increases with each arousal, the urgency to have an ejaculation also increases.  To deny himself the release is, for some, exquisitely painful.

If you’re still looking for more information on all of this, search them interweb tubes for key words like:  Semen Worship / Orgasm Control / Cum Control / Milking / Edging / Chastity and Cock and Ball Torture.

Name: Shelly
Gender:
Age: 21
Location: Atlanta
How come men are seen as ‘studs’ and women as ‘sluts’ for doing the same things.

Basically darling, that’s because our culture is pretty fucked up — sexually, and in so many other was too.

Despite the progress we’ve made over the last 50 years to liberate ourselves from suffocating 5Blit2oaSplgn264lJN97XCpo1_400sex-role stereotyping and culturally induced gender expectations, we are nowhere near being free and clear of all that crap.

Changing societal attitudes about sex begins with each one of us carving out our own healthy place to celebrate our sexuality.  Carving out that place means we don’t tolerate this or any other kind of double standard bullshit from those around us.  It’s tough standing against the tide of sexual bigotry, but it will make you strong and proud.  Banding together with other like-minded people for support and encouragement is also important.

The biggest danger, of course, is that young, sexually progressive women will, in time, cave to the pressure to conform.  They will begin to internalize the madonna/whore dichotomy that has plagued all of us for millennia and pass it on to yet another generation of vulnerable women.  The risk is always there; so vigilance is the only response.

And all you guys out there who think that this double standard is the way things oughta be.  Think again!  You are not a stud if you cheapen your sexual partners by degrading them; you’re just an asshole.

Name: Brianna
Gender:
Age: 30
Location: San Diego
I’ve been so disturbed about the increasing number of recalled Chinese made products lately — dog food, toothpaste, children’s toys and the like — that I was horrified to discover that most of my sex toys are made in China.  I suppose this is a dumb time to ask, but how safe are sex toys?

That is a real good question, Brianna.  Ya know there was a time when I thought that the greatest hazard to the ardent sex toy consumer was simply all the poorly designed and cheaply a2458_xlfmanufactured crap that floods the marketplace.  But in light of the alarming news of recent months about the safety risks of many products coming from China, I think there is room for concern about the safety of Chinese made sex toys.

I hasten to add that not all Chinese imports are dangerous.  Nor are all products grown or manufactured in the US safe.  But there is a long history of unscrupulous Western companies exploiting the Chinese labor force.  This greed and abuse leads to a dangerous mix that often has dire consequences.

Obviously there is no government regulatory agency out there with a mandate to protect us from unsafe or unhealthful sex toys.  Of course, one can make the case that even when there is a government regulatory agency with a mandate to protect us, and our pets, from unsafe, tainted or unhealthy food, drugs and other consumables they’re not doing a particularly good job.

The sex toy industry does an equally piss-poor job of regulating itself.  No surprise there, I suppose.  Profit motives seem to trump all other considerations.  And since there is virtually no scientific data on sex toy safety the responsibility for keeping ourselves safe falls to us, the consumer.  It’s up to us to positively impact the market.  We can begin by taking some responsibility for what we consume.  We can go GREEN with our sex toys, so to speak.  We could patronize only the retailers that provide fair and balanced product reviews.  We could refrain from buying on impulse or being swayed by slick smutty packaging.  We could avoid excess packaging that only winds up in a landfill.

We could avoid doing business with sex toy retailers who continue to peddle products with by unsubstantiated claims.  Herbal supplements that promise to grow a guy’s dick bigger or enhance his sexual performance.  Or those patches, pills and lubricating oils that are supposed to boost a chick’s desire.  It’s not like there aren’t good products out there, it’s just that we have to do our research before we buy.  Check out some of the great Product Review Sites too — Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews, Jane’s Guide or Hey Epiphora.

a122441_xlfWe could protect ourselves by insisting our toys be manufactured by people who have access to sex information, education and contraception for themselves.  If our purchases support repressive governments who abuse their people we are complicit in the repression.  Imagine our dildos, vibrators and fetish gear being manufactured by people who will never be able to enjoy a happy, healthy integrated sex life because of gender inequity or poverty.  That sucks, huh?

We can also protect ourselves by patronizing responsible and ethical sex toy retailers.  These include my very own Dr Dick’s Stockroom, Good Vibrations, Babeland and Eden Fantasys.  These retailers have excellent customer service departments and well as educational components to outreach.  They’re also terrific resources for all your sex toy related questions.

There have been a lot of unsubstantiated claims made of late that there is a potential danger in all sex toys.  Some insist that most sex toys contain cancer-causing ingredients. While I won’t go that far, there are some things to be concerned about.  For example, many soft rubber toys are made using phthalates, which have been linked to environmental and human health issues. Phthalates (pronounced “thall-eights”) are a chemical compound used to soften hard plastics into soft rubbery and jelly-like toys. I also recommend that you avoid toys with artificial scent and dyes.  They’ve been known to trigger allergic reactions in some people.

I believe that if you buy quality you are more likely to get quality.  Consider hypoallergenic materials, such as silicone, wood, glass and aluminum.  They are more expensive, but worth it.   Then again, you could always use a condom on any insertable, or less expensive toy of questionable material.  The problem with this is, condoms are not biodegradable and they’re expensive.  By the time you factor in the cost of condoms for every toy use, you’ll actually be spending more per diddle than if you bought quality from the get-go.

Remember the more information you have, the wiser a consumer you will be.

Good luck ya’ll

fitzsimmons_AZdailystar

Porn Teaches Kids That Sex Is Fun!