Category: Mindfulness

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The 3 most important steps to achieving orgasm, according to an expert

— Tried and tested

By Adriana Diaz

If there’s one thing the internet is not lacking, it’s unsolicited advice about how to improve your sex life. Not sure how to cut through the noise? Here are three simple tips according to an expert.

Orgasms aren’t just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets – they have physical and mental benefits too. Yet the mystery of the Big O has eluded men and women for centuries.

Many surveys suggest that about half of women are not satisfied with how often they reach climax – and 10% to 15% of women have never had an orgasm in their lives, as reported by the National Library of Medicine.

Men have less trouble – only about 5% to 10%, according to a study published by Sexual Medicine – but that still leaves millions of Americans who can’t reach climax, or feel insecure when their partner can’t get off.

Everybody is different, but research and experts agree these three factors are key to reaching the finish line.

#1. Stimulation

It may seem intuitive, but what does “stimulation” really mean?

“The whole thing about the type of stimulation that you need is a combination of pressure and rhythm,” Dr Laurie Mintz, LELO Sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate, told The Post.

Applying the right amount of pressure to erotic zones, such as the clitoris, the penis or the ears, helps build sexual arousal and eventually activates the muscles to contract, a necessary physical step.

Pressure also needs to be applied with a good rhythm – which some suggest is the key to orgasm claiming.

Experts, including Dr Mintz, agree that a great way to find the sweet spot for the G-spot is to bring a vibrator into the bedroom.

Getting into the flow of a good rhythm can focus attention so intensely that it overtakes any other thoughts and self-awareness nearly putting the person in a trance and allowing for a sufficient intensity of experience to trigger the mechanisms of climax, according to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology.

#2. Mindfulness

To reach a sexual trance, you have to hone in on the sensations of the sexual experience and achieve mindfulness.

“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place at the time,” Dr Mintz, a LELO ambassador, explained. “And most of us don’t do that in our life, let alone our sex life.”

“When we’re having sex we’re in our head, ‘What do I look like? What am I doing? Am I doing okay?’ And you can’t orgasm when you’re not in your body. You have to learn how to be in your body.”

She advises everyone to try meditation or yoga to practice mindfulness in their daily lives or play music during sex.

“A myth about mindfulness is that it takes a lot of practice and that you have to meditate every day. No. You can practice being mindful in your daily life,” Dr. Mintz insisted.

An easy way to begin practising mindfulness is when brushing your teeth, Dr Mintz shared.

“The next time you brush your teeth, really focus on the sensations. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the sensations. You can learn mindfulness in daily activities and then apply it to the bedroom,” she suggested.

#3. Communication

Once you’ve used mindfulness to discover what pressure and rhythm are getting you to the finish line, you have to communicate that to your partner.

“Couples – no matter if it’s a hook-up or a relationship – who, communicate about sex and talk about what they need during sex are much, much more likely to orgasm,” Dr Mintz said.

“A common myth is that your partner should know what you want without asking. Nobody reads minds. That’s where communication comes in.”

While moaning and groaning can help guide your partner, verbally directing them how to help you cum is the best way to get over the finish line.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Beyond the Bedroom

—Why Great Sex Makes for a Great Life (and Good Health)

By Stacey Lindsay

I’ve always understood good sex to include an orgasm and a connection with the person I’m sleeping with. But great mindful sex that’s spiritually, physically, and mentally illuminating for everyone involved is like watching Queen Rania speak: I leave the experience feeling capable and empowered, my body flooded with electric confetti.

When I started having great mindful sex (which began when I turned 40), I noticed a shift in other areas of my life. Work felt more fulfilling and my friendships more meaningful. I wanted to take better care of my body and mind. I swear I started walking a little taller, too. As I’ve continued to feel this way at 41, I’ve realized the gist: When you have mindful sex, the bliss extends beyond the sheets. Because great sex is a portal. More than a happy addition to life, it’s a pillar of good health, a way to connect with yourself and another (or others), and a beautiful right we’re all worthy of.

Featured image from our interview with Remi Ishizuka by Michelle Nash.

Experts Answer: What Is Mindful Sex

But as incredible as mindful sex is, it can be an enigma. Lack of connection, health issues, stigmatization, and many other things can get in our way. This is why we need to talk about it—more and more. So I called on two brilliant minds in this space, Cindy Barshop, founder of VSPOT, a women’s intimate and sexual clinic, and Dr. Monica Grover, a double board certified gynecologist and VSPOT Chief Medical Officer, to talk about women’s intimate health, why mindful sex is so critical, and how we can have it.

Because when we have the mindful sex that we want and we talk about it openly—look out: We’re capable of anything.

Why Women Need More Intimate and Sexual Care Support

“We’re just starting to understand how many things impact women’s intimate lives today,” Barshop tells me. Too many women aren’t enjoying the intimacy and connection they deserve. “Sex doesn’t feel good,” she adds. “It’s like, let’s do it and move on to the next thing.” This is why Barshop founded VSPOT: To give women a place to openly talk about their sexual and intimate health concerns and needs without judgment and to connect with a resource for treatment. “You would not believe how many women have sex and intimacy issues—and we are not discussing this enough.”

How often do we take the time to focus on ourselves, our self-care, and what makes us happy? — Dr. Monica Grover

Additionally, women deserve more than just 10 minutes in the doctor’s office, which is so common in Western medicine today. “It’s a shame,” says Dr. Gordon. “Not only do women feel hesitant to speak about some of these conditions in a typical doctor’s office scenario, but doctors are not even allowed to listen.” We need the room, freedom, and support to fully vent, ask, and learn about what makes us feel sexually great.

How Mindful Sex Impacts Our Lives

Sex is more than sex. It’s an avenue for so many more profound things in our lives. But too often, it gets pushed aside and “clouded,” says Dr. Grover. “Women find it as a chore, or it’s painful, or something they’re not looking forward to” because of life stressors, health conditions, menopause, or more.

This is to our detriment because sex makes us feel good. “It’s physiological,” adds Dr. Grover. “When we have an orgasm, we release all of these happy neurotransmitters—oxytocin, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin—everything that makes us feel great about ourselves.” Add to that, having mindful sex may help ward off certain illnesses and ailments. “We should be focused on our sexual health because that helps with depression.” Plus, research shows that sex can improve productivity.

Barshop puts it best: “Great sex makes your body stronger and healthier. It changes everything.”

How to Have Great, Mindful Sex

In my conversation with Barshop and Dr. Grover, I came away with three takeaways for how to nourish our sexual lives:

#1: We must be bold at the doctor’s office and discuss our sexual frustrations and desires.

“Open up these conversations,” says Dr. Grover. “Say, ‘I’m here because I want to talk about the fact that I have vaginal dryness or I can’t have an orgasm. This is my chief complaint.’ Get the doctors uncomfortable because that’s the only way to open up more awareness around this.”

#2: Mindful sex can be with others or just ourselves.

Whatever it looks like for you, dive into the incredible products available today, from vibrators to lubricants, that encourage more flow to any scenario. “You don’t need a partner,” says Dr. Grover. “Sometimes it’s even better on your own!”

#3: If you have hiccups around your sexual wellness, you’re not alone.

There is a growing community revolutionizing sexual health outside the medical world—including Barshop and Dr. Grover’s work at VSPOT. “Now we have a place where we can spend an hour with you and look at all the solutions,” says Dr. Grover. “We can give women the tools, so they can find that happiness again when they go home.”

The Takeaway

Like anything worthwhile, mindful sex takes a more profound knowing and connection with ourselves. Our instincts may be to quiet our desires and not speak about our sexual issues or wants. Don’t do that, say Barshop and Dr. Grover. We must talk openly—with our doctors, partners, and friends.

Through honesty and conviction, let’s start to normalize and prioritize sexual wellness so we can all have more mindful sex—and feel empowered in everything we want to do.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Sexual Meditation

— Ways to Enhance Pleasure and Improve Your Sex Life

Practicing mindfulness through meditation can help to improve a person’s sex life and has been found to aid in treating sexual dysfunctions. Mindfulness allows people to become more self-aware and focus on sexual sensations within the body in the present moment. This allows people to avoid distractions in the mind and recognize sexual desire and arousal as it arises in the body, leading to greater sexual satisfaction.

By Rhiannon John, MSexol

  • Sexual meditation uses mindfulness-based practices outside of the bedroom to help improve sexual satisfaction by becoming more mindful of what’s happening in the body during sex.
  • Sexual meditation and mindfulness have been found to increase sexual satisfaction, arousal and desire, and are effective treatments for some sexual dysfunctions.
  • Meditation and mindfulness practices increase sexual satisfaction as they allow people to tune out of the distractions in their minds and tune in to the sensations happening in their bodies. This will enable people to recognize desire and arousal as it occurs in the body.
  • If you’re looking to use sexual meditation and mindfulness practices to improve your sex life, it’s best to practice daily for at least ten minutes.

What is sexual meditation?

The term sexual meditation often refers to two different things:

  1. Using the general practice of meditation and mindfulness to enhance sex.
  2. Using mindfulness when engaging in sexual activities.

While people may use the term to refer to different aspects of meditation and mindfulness, a growing body of research states that mindfulness can help increase sexual satisfaction and even treat some sexual dysfunctions. Mindfulness can be described as a non-judgemental, present awareness within the body, which means being in the moment and paying attention to all bodily sensations without judgment.

How sexual meditation improves sex

Meditation and mindfulness help us quiet down the mind and bring our attention and focus to the body, which is vitally important for those living busy and stressful lives. When the mind is too busy worrying about everything that needs to be done within the day, we often forget to listen to our bodies, which can have disastrous effects on our sex lives.

When the mind is too loud, we either can’t hear our body’s sexual desire and arousal, or we’re just too stressed out to even experience desire and arousal at all. Taking time to practice mindfulness allows us to focus on the present and take in all the senses, which helps us to recognize sexual sensations within the body when they arise.

Sexual meditation benefits:

Many people know that meditation has many physical and mental health benefits, including reducing stress and anxiety, improving sleep, increasing emotional intelligence, and decreasing blood pressure. However, meditation and mindfulness can also help improve your sexual health by increasing sexual satisfaction and desire. There are many different benefits of sexual meditation with the most notable ones discussed below.

Increases sexual desire and arousal

Meditation and mindfulness practices help us tune out of all the distractions happening in our heads and tune in to the sensations happening in our bodies, meaning we can listen to our bodies and notice when feelings of desire arise.

Many studies have found that those who practiced mindfulness had better sex. This is because they better listen to their body’s needs and wants, in the present moment, paying more attention to connection, touch, arousal, and intimacy during sex in a non-judgmental manner.

Helps treat sexual dysfunctions

Meditation and mindfulness have been found to aid in treating several sexual dysfunctions, particularly for women, including genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder, female orgasmic disorder, and female sexual interest/arousal disorder.

Research examining the benefits of meditation and mindfulness on men’s sexual dysfunctions is relatively new. However, findings suggest mindfulness is also effective in treating erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

Boosts self-confidence

Mindfulness practices have also been found to help decrease negative body image and self-talk, which increases sexual pleasure. In addition, practicing mindfulness increases self-compassion, acceptance, and confidence. These traits help immensely in the bedroom, as we can spend more time experiencing and giving pleasure rather than focusing on our bodies and what others think of us.

Sexual meditation tips

Here are a few tips for using meditation to help improve your sex life:

  • Practice daily. Like many things in life, becoming mindful requires practice. Similar to a muscle, the brain gets stronger through repeated exercise, so practicing mindfulness daily for ten minutes will help you reap all the benefits.
  • Focus on bodily sensations. When having sex, try focusing on all the sensations happening in the body rather than the chatter in your head. If your mind wanders, come back into your body, focusing on the five senses. Focusing on the pleasure within the body, rather than an orgasm, is also very helpful.
  • Get curious about pleasure. When the mind is too busy, we can forget to lean into pleasure and become spectators of our sexual activity. Permitting yourself to get curious about pleasure allows you to explore what feels good to you, leaving the traditional sexual scripts in the past.

Practicing sexual meditation can help you explore the boundaries of your sexual experiences. By focusing on touch and sensation, you can enhance sex through mindfulness, arousal, and concentrating on the present.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Intimacy App Trends

— How They Affect Your Sex Life?

Intimacy apps allow more people to access sex and relationship therapy and communication skills due to their relatively inexpensive nature and ability to be accessed anonymously from many places worldwide. This has seen the rise in many apps, which can help increase intimacy, communication, and sex skills.

By Rhiannon John, MSexol

  • Sex and intimacy apps help couples and individuals to have pleasurable sex by reducing sexual shame and stigma.
  • Sex and intimacy apps can increase sexual confidence, education, and communication techniques.
  • While these apps help many people, it is important to ensure that the information being given is from health professionals, as misinformation is common in sexual health.

But users must be aware of the potential misinformation spread by these apps and check for their legitimacy.

How do intimacy apps affect your sex life?

Many agree that better communication with our partners can improve our relationship and sex life. But talking to our partners about sex doesn’t always come easy, as expressing our sexual wants and needs requires a bit of strength and vulnerability.

While we could all benefit from talking to a Psychologist or Sex Therapist about our intimacy issues, time and money often prevent many people from doing so. That’s why there has been an increase in sex and intimacy apps over the past couple of years, which aim to improve communication, strengthen relationships, and increase sexual pleasure.

But how do these apps affect your sex life? Most of the apps include a series of guided lessons and exercises to be completed as a couple or individual that are designed to educate you or challenge your attitudes and beliefs about sex and sexuality.

These exercises work to:

Help to undo shame

We live in a pretty sex-negative society that constantly feeds us messages that sex and pleasure are bad, particularly if you are a woman, which leads many of us to feel shame about our sexuality. These apps help to challenge these feelings of shame by providing a sex-positive environment that affirms pleasure and sexuality. This is important for undoing shame and increasing a person’s pleasure and well-being, particularly for marginalized populations.

Provide sex education

Sex education gives us the skills and knowledge necessary to make informed decisions about our bodies and sexuality, which in turn helps us to live healthy and happy lives both sexually and romantically. But unfortunately, many people miss out on this vital education.

Sex and intimacy apps aim to fill in these gaps, allowing their users to be sexually competent and aware of their bodies and their fantasies and desires, leading to better sex. They also teach vital communication skills that can be used with our partners to strengthen bonds and manage conflict.

Increase communication

These apps also aim to increase communication between partners, which is a vital ingredient in good sex. Effective communication ensures that both partners feel seen and safe and that their needs, desires, and boundaries are met. Communication also allows us to learn more about our partners by exploring their desires, arousal, and fantasies. Many apps provide guided lessons and exercises that allow us to communicate our needs and desires to our partners slowly and steadily, which is less daunting than laying everything out on the table.

Pros of intimacy apps

As stated above, there are many pros to intimacy apps, as they allow you to:

Learn about sexual pleasure, arousal, and desire in a sex-positive environment.

Learn communication practices.

Practice mindfulness that allows you to get out of your head during sex.

Set aside time for you and your partner to connect and build on intimacy.

Access information and therapy easily and relatively cheaply.

Reduce shame and stigma surrounding sex and sexuality.

Cons of intimacy apps

There aren’t too many cons surrounding intimacy apps.

However, you should ensure that the app you choose to use has information from qualified healthcare professionals who specialize in sexual health.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of misinformation about sexual health to be found on the internet, particularly about reproductive health, so it’s vitally important that you check your sources.

Another issue to look out for before signing up is the company’s privacy and data practices, as you may not like your sexual data being sold to other companies.

Intimacy apps to check out

Coral

Coral is a sexual wellness app for couples and individuals that aims to increase intimacy and pleasure and build sexual confidence by providing personalized lessons and exercises. The information provided in the app has been contributed by some of the biggest names in sexual health and is worth checking out.

Lover

Lover is a sexual wellness app created by doctors to help treat common sexual dysfunctions. Made for all genders, the app provides an 8-12 week training plan of personalized exercises, activities, and videos, all scientifically proven to address common concerns and help have pleasurable sex.

Ferly

Ferly is a science-backed sexual wellness app aimed at women and non-binary folks that provides audio programs guided by sexual health experts to help you have more pleasurable sex. There is a wide range of classes to choose from, including feature programs like “cultivating desire” or “sex after trauma,” as well as podcasts, interviews, and some erotica to help get you into the mood.

Intimacy apps help to improve people’s sex lives by providing accessible and personalized information, exercises, and lessons on sexual health. These apps aim to reduce the shame and stigma by providing sexually affirming information and communication techniques designed to strengthen the bond between couples. While there are many advantages to these kinds of apps, users need to ensure they are accessing information from reputable sources and be wary of the privacy and data practices of the app.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Being more vulnerable with your partner can improve intimacy

— Here are 6 tips for letting your guard down

By Rebecca Strong

  • Being vulnerable with your partner can improve trust, communication, conflict, and your sex life.
  • Sharing your needs, hopes, fears, and emotions can feel scary if you’ve been hurt in the past.
  • Therapists suggest starting slow, using physical touch, and telling your partner how they can help.

Many people crave intimacy in relationships — but true intimacy requires vulnerability, according to Samantha Saunders, a licensed professional counselor in private practice.

Vulnerability in a relationship means you feel able to express your real needs, desires, thoughts, fears, and feelings with your partner. In short, you share your whole self, no matter the risks.

Of course, since letting your guard down creates the potential for hurt or rejection, it can often feel scary to take that leap — especially if someone broke your trust in a past relationship.

So, maybe you hold back the words “I love you” for fear of how your partner might respond, or resist asking for help because you don’t want to seem weak.

As challenging as it might feel to open up to your partner, though, relationship experts say it’s worth making the effort.

Below, therapists share five key benefits of vulnerability, along with six tried-and-true tips for becoming more vulnerable in your relationship.

1. More productive conflict

Vulnerability during conflict can help you and your partner understand each other better, cultivate empathy for each other, and ultimately reach a resolution more quickly, says

Anna Hindell, a psychotherapist in private practice.

For example, taking responsibility for the fact that you said something hurtful to your partner — which requires vulnerability — may help them feel understood so they can move on more easily.

2. Improved ability to meet each other’s needs

No matter how well your partner knows you, they can’t predict your every need and want.

So, when you tell your significant other that you crave more physical affection, for instance, that act of vulnerability serves you both, Saunders says.

With that knowledge, your partner has a better chance of making those necessary adjustments — which means you’re more likely to feel happy, fulfilled, and supported as a result.

3. Increased trust

Trust is the backbone of any relationship. And when you can drop your guard, confide in your partner, and find they still love and accept you, that helps increase trust, Hindell says.

For example, say you tell your partner it bothers you when they forget to mention they’re running late. Doing this can build trust in two ways:

  • Your partner now knows you’ll be honest and transparent with them about your feelings.
  • If they apologize and show empathy for your feelings, you can trust they’ll validate your feelings in the future.

4. A more satisfying sex life

Bravely communicating your needs, likes, dislikes, and fantasies — also known as sexual communication — can prime you and your partner for more fulfilling sex, according to Laura Silverstein, a certified couples therapist and author of “Love Is an Action Verb.”

In fact, a 2022 review found that engaging in more sexual communication can lead to greater sexual and relationship satisfaction.

Examples of sexual communication include:

  • Sharing some feedback after sex about what did or didn’t feel good
  • Asking your partner if they’re willing to try something new next time you’re physically intimate

5. Greater self-acceptance

Vulnerability can also benefit you as an individual.

When you share your deepest desires, fears, and insecurities with your partner, you’re more likely to feel loved for who you really are, according to Saunders. You no longer have to hide your so-called “flaws,” because you have the reassurance that your partner loves all of you — not just the parts you allow them to see.

This can pave the way for greater self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-love, says Kalley Hartman, therapist and clinical director at Ocean Recovery.

And higher self-esteem can improve the quality of your relationships, in turn.

Tips for becoming more vulnerable

Whether you struggle with vulnerability or simply want to make this skill more of a priority in your relationship, these suggestions from experts can help you learn to let your partner in.

1. Start small

“If you’re nervous about opening up to your partner, start by sharing something simple that doesn’t feel too emotionally risky,” Saunders says.

Saunders suggests sharing a secret interest or passion with your partner — for example, a love of watching anime or building model trains — even if you don’t know how they’ll react.

By easing into vulnerability, you can slowly build trust and confidence so you can share deeper emotional truths over time.

2. Practice self-care

“In order to be vulnerable with your partner, you need to start out being kind to yourself,” Silverstein says.

According to Saunders, practicing self-care can help ensure you don’t get overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, or other emotions that arise while you’re preparing to open up.

She recommends using meditation, journaling, yoga, and breathing exercises to help ground you before engaging in vulnerable conversations.

3. Use “I” statements

Telling your partner they did something to upset you may, in some cases, trigger feelings of fear, anxiety, or shame.

This kind of vulnerability may spark some discomfort, and that’s natural — but keep in mind your partner can’t apologize, validate your emotions, or change their behavior if they don’t know how you feel.

Silverstein advises starting these conversations with an “I feel” statement.

For example:

I-statements like these are far less likely to put your partner on the defensive than accusations. Accordingly, they leave your partner in a much better position to show the empathy and understanding you need to encourage future vulnerability.

4. Admit you’re struggling

When you have trouble letting your guard down, one important step toward vulnerability involves admitting your struggle.

For example, you might tell your partner:

  • “I want to feel closer to you, but I have a hard time talking about my feelings.”
  • “It’s difficult for me to ask for help, even though I need it sometimes.”

If you can, you might also consider sharing why you shy away from vulnerability. Did you get hurt in a past relationship? Did your parents teach you that showing your feelings is a weakness?

Letting your partner know what they can do to encourage vulnerability may also make a difference.

For instance, you might say:

  • “I feel a lot safer sharing my feelings when you do so.”
  • “I’d love for you to ask how you can help when you notice I’m getting frustrated with a project.”

5. Initiate physical contact

If you have a hard time expressing your vulnerability in words, Silverstein suggests making more physical gestures to connect with your partner.

For instance, you might:

  • Make it a point to kiss them goodbye for work, if that’s not a typical part of your routine
  • Reach for their hand while you’re out for a walk
  • Gently touch their thigh or back when sitting in the car together

It’s OK to feel a little hesitant about this if you’re not used to initiating physical contact — but displays of affection like these can strengthen your bond. What’s more, these acts may make your partner feel loved and cared for — which can help them feel safer being vulnerable with you.

6. Seek support from a therapist

If you have trouble cultivating vulnerability in your relationship, Hindell advises working with a professional. A licensed couples therapist can help facilitate more vulnerable dialogue between you and your partner — and help you identify anything holding you back.

“A therapist can also offer guidance on communication strategies that will help each partner express themselves without fear of judgment or rejection,” Hartman says.

Insider’s takeaway

Vulnerability can foster trust, intimacy, and understanding while also enabling you to communicate and resolve conflict more effectively. Ultimately, these benefits can boost your relationship satisfaction overall.

That said, opening up about your thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires can feel downright difficult at times. Therapists say it can help to start with small acts of vulnerability, let your partner in on your struggle, and seek support from a therapist as needed.

Above all, Hartman recommends patience. “It can take time to build trust and comfort with a partner, so don’t be discouraged if it takes longer than expected before you can truly let your guard down,” Hartman says.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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This Is the Key to Unlocking Your Best Sex Yet

— Solo or Partnered

By Crystal Raypole

Sex is a natural human desire. Many people enjoy physical intimacy and want more of it. Sex with new or multiple partners, different kinds of sex, better sex with your current partner — all are completely normal goals.

Yet, sometimes, it can feel as if improving your sex life is easier fantasized about than done.

Sure, you can find plenty of practical guides offering physical tips for better sex to people of any gender or anatomy.

But good sex doesn’t just involve your body. Your emotions and mood also play a pretty big part.

Like other aspects of wellness, good sexual health relies on the mind-body connection.

This interaction between mind and body can have some significant implications for emotional and physical health, both in and out of the bedroom.

Positive emotions such as joy, relaxation, and excitement help boost physical pleasure and satisfaction.

At the same time, distraction, irritability, and stress can all settle into your body, affecting your ability to remain present and fully enjoy experiences — from G- to X-rated — as they come.

Here’s the good news about the mind-body connection: Improvements in one area often yield similar improvements in the other.

In other words, increased emotional awareness could just help you have the best sex of your life. Nurturing this connection may take a little work, but these tips can help you get started.

Mindfulness refers to your ability to stay present in the moment.

Robyn Garnett, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Long Beach, California, who specializes in sex therapy, describes mindfulness as “being fully engaged in an activity, fully experiencing the moment with physical senses rather than the thinking mind.”

You can probably imagine how a lack of mindfulness can detract from a sexy experience.

You might try to stay focused, for example, but thoughts of that midterm you need to study for, the pile of dishes in the sink, or how early you have to get up in the morning keep creeping in.

This fragmented awareness is incredibly common, but learning to boost powers of observation in other areas of life can help you overcome it.

As you go about your day, pay more attention to your body. How do you feel when you exercise? Eat breakfast? Walk to work? Do chores?

Notice the physical and emotional sensations that come up. What feels good? Not so good? If your thoughts start to wander away from the activity, gently return them to what you’re doing.

Many people find meditation and yoga make it easier to get in tune with emotions and practice mindfulness throughout the day.

If you have trouble expanding your awareness alone, giving these wellness practices a try could help.

It can take some time to get the hang of mindfulness, but the increased self-awareness that develops as a result can facilitate greater connection during sex.

Generally speaking, great sex means everyone involved is getting their needs met on some level.

It’s fine to want to please your partner(s), but you should also have some idea of what you enjoy and want from a sexual encounter.

Staying present during sexual encounters, whether solo, partnered, or multipartnered, can help you notice:

  • what types of touch feel best
  • how your body feels from moment to moment (let yourself move naturally)
  • the noises you and your partner(s) make (don’t be afraid to make noise, even when on your own!)
  • how your breath and movements speed up and slow down (take time to enjoy yourself instead of rushing toward climax — unless that’s what you’re into!)

When something feels good, don’t be shy about speaking up. Discussing what you like and want more of can strengthen your connection and lead to even better sex.

The same goes for things you don’t love. Participating in activities you dislike, just for a partner’s benefit, can lead to disconnection (or dread) during sex.

Also keep in mind: Good sex doesn’t always require a partner. In fact, exploring sexual interests through masturbation can help you get more comfortable with your desires.

It becomes much easier to communicate with partners when you know exactly what you enjoy — if you do choose to share with a partner, that is. Solo sex can be equally fulfilling!

First of all, you can have fantastic sex without maintaining a romantic relationship.

(That said, if you’ve tried no-strings-attached sex and find it somewhat lacking, it’s worth considering that you may need more of an emotional connection.)

If you are in a relationship, though, you’ll want to take into account the ways stress and conflict can affect not just individual well-being but also partner interactions.

It’s often easier to recognize serious issues threatening your relationship, but smaller concerns can also build up, adding to worry and anxiety.

If you don’t know how to bring these issues up, even minor problems can cause strain and affect overall emotional wellness over time.

These effects can make it more challenging to connect with your partner and enjoy intimacy.

If you’re struggling to connect with your partner — physically or emotionally — couples counseling can offer a safe, judgment-free space to explore the issue and work on healthy, productive communication.

Arousal takes time and effort for many people. Some days, you might just not feel it (totally normal, in case you wondered). Regardless, you might want to go ahead with it anyway.

Maybe you don’t get a lot of chances to have sex and think you should make the most of it, or perhaps you don’t want to let your partner down.

Keep in mind, though, your body usually knows what it’s talking about.

Remember, your mind and body work together, so pushing yourself to connect intimately when you’re drained, tired, achy, or unwell generally doesn’t end well.

Instead of fully engaging with your partner, you might get distracted, notice physical discomfort or annoyance at being touched a certain way, or have difficulty maintaining arousal and having an orgasm.

Your good intentions could even trigger conflict if your partner notices you’re less than enthusiastic.

It’s always better to communicate instead of trying to force a mood you don’t feel. You can still enjoy yourselves without having sex.

In fact, Garnett explains, exploring nonsexual activities together could promote more meaningful connection that can, in turn, lead to an improved sexual relationship.

Don’t forget: A sexual partner who doesn’t respect your physical needs and tries to pressure you into having sex anyway is not one worth keeping.

Sex therapy might sound a little terrifying when you don’t know what to expect, but it’s basically just talk therapy.

“It provides a space for you to openly discuss concerns and potential barriers so you can better understand your own needs,” Garnett says.

“Sometimes the inability to enjoy sex comes down to a misunderstanding of your own body, so psychoeducation is often where the conversation starts,” she says.

Garnett explains that while your sex therapist might suggest activities for you to try outside of therapy, by yourself or with a partner, sex therapy itself doesn’t involve touch or demonstrations.

Your primary goal in sex therapy is exploring any issues potentially affecting your sex life, such as:

Although mental health symptoms can affect sexual desire and contribute to difficulties enjoying intimacy, the reverse is also true.

If you find intimacy challenging, for whatever reason, you might become anxious when thinking of sex or feel so low that your arousal fizzles out.

This can create an unpleasant cycle. Not only can missing out on the benefits of sex bring your mood down further, you might notice tension between you and your partner if you don’t communicate what you’re feeling.

A professional can help you take a holistic look at the challenges in all areas of life, from work stress and sleep troubles to normal life changes, and consider how they could be holding you back from a more fulfilling sex life.

Better sex might not happen overnight, but dedicated efforts toward increased mindfulness can help you employ the mind-body link to improve self-awareness.

This stronger connection within yourself can pave the way toward a powerful, more deeply satisfying sexual connection with others.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Our mental health is seriously impacting our sex lives

It turns out sexual problems are even more common than mental health problems – and the two can exacerbate one another.

By Beth Ashley

As I grew out of playful, teenage sexual relationships that had little drama and joined the world of adult dating – where sex becomes a little more emotional and certainly more complicated – my mum had one piece of advice that she promised was the gospel truth. ​“The genitals are the brain,” she said solemnly. Well, actually, she said, ​“dicks are brains and brains are dicks,” but I’m paraphrasing to be gender inclusive. The first time she said this, I thought she was just uttering nonsense. But after I hit my first real struggle with mental health and sex, it clicked into place.

While we’re unlikely to realise it in the moment, poor mental health has a profound impact on our sex lives. Throughout most of my late teens, I struggled to stay present in my body during sex and even developed mild vaginismus (a psychosexual condition where the vagina involuntary contracts, usually due to anxiety). ​“She just acts up sometimes,” I’d awkwardly joke to one night stands. But I was overlooking the real source. I’d just been through a hard year packed with trauma and leaving it unresolved had left my vagina – and my sexual self in general – dealing with the consquences. Naturally, once I began to work through the traumas that led me there, sex slowly but surely became easier again. It turns out that, as always, mum was right. Genitals truly are the brain.

“While we’ve got a lot better at talking about mental health and normalising those conversations, we’ve still got a long way to go with sex”
DR LAURA VOWELLS

Thankfully, we don’t all have to rely on my mum’s findings to decode the link between the brain and the down-belows. Relationship and sex therapy app Blueheart recently found that 74 per cent of adults struggling with their sex lives say it’s due to stress or a mental health strain, and they’ve done some digging into why that is.

Dr Laura Vowells, one of the founding therapists working at Blueheart, says mental health and sexual desire are ​“intrinsincally linked”, impacting one another at all times. ​“While we’ve got a lot better at talking about mental health and normalising those conversations, we’ve still got a long way to go with sex,” she says. ​“It’s still weird to talk openly about sex problems with friends or family, and there’s still this weird idea that we’re not supposed to be enjoying sex and therefore not supposed to complain about it.”

Adding to the problem, a lot of mainstream mental health services don’t ask about the patient’s sex life when they reach out for support. If a medical professional doesn’t view sexual problems as something worth bringing up, why would a patient? ​“But they both affect one another. What a lot of people don’t know is that sexual problems are actually more common than mental health problems – we just don’t talk about them,” Vowells explains.

Similar to my situation, 23-year-old Katie struggles with acute, mild vaginismus whenever she’s struggling with her generalised anxiety disorder. ​“It’s well-managed for the most part, but we all have troughs and my vagina is always the first thing to go. It took me a long time to learn and properly notice that though,” she says. Katie used to ​“get really upset” when sex was ​“off the cards” and she couldn’t fathom why. ​“But now it’s one of those things where I just call it like I see it. I’m like, ​‘Oh yeah, I don’t have sex when I’m sad. When I’m happy, I’ll have sex again. That’s cool.’”

The Blueheart survery also found that 31 per cent of respondents were suffering from symptoms associated with more serious sexual dysfunction. This includes arousal and orgasm issues, which range from taking an extended amount of time to become sexually aroused or climax, or experiencing unsatisfying orgasms, to being unable to achieve sexual arousal and climax at all. For those facing more serious sex-related issues, seven out of 10 believed poor mental health or increased stress levels were the cause.

In the UK, more than 51 per cent of women and 42 per cent of men report experiencing sexual dysfunction. And considering that accessing proper sex education is a postcode lottery, the NHS has cut services for sexual dysfunction and didn’t really ever have funding for mental health services in the first place, having these conversations with our loved ones and in public (if you’re comfortable to) is now more important than ever.

When moods and libidos drop, a lot of partners of people struggling with their sex-brains can also suffer with their own insecurities and doubts. Luckily, Vowells has buckets of advice for couples going through this. She tells THE FACE that ​“it’s really important to talk to your partner about how we feel as it’s happening. As humans, we feel very self conscious around sex. And when a partner withdraws from us sexually, we start to wonder if they’re not interested anymore, or maybe I’m not as attractive anymore. We naturally start to feel rejected and that makes the relationship problems worse.”

So, if you’re going through sexual withdrawal as a result of mental health issues, your partner might need some reassurance. ​“Part of why a lot of people feel depressed around sex is because they’re worried about letting their partner down,” Vowells explains. Avoiding these conversations will make everyone involved feel worse.

And for the partner on the receiving end? ​“Try not to take sex withdrawal from your partner personally,” says Vowells. ​“See how you can help and support them in order for you to get what your partner needs. Don’t do that so you can have sex, genuinely do it for them. Your primary goal should be supporting them to manage their mental health.”

Once you get in touch with your mind and how it impacts sex, you’ll eventually learn to expect sexual changes when mental health challenges arise and figure out how tackle repeitive sexual problems head-on – especially if you talk to a sexologist or therapist

This is something 26-year-old Charlotte* does with her boyfriend. ​“I withdraw from sex when I’m stressed but my boyfriend wants more sex when he’s stressed. For a while we kept arguing and felt lost, but after three years together, and a lot of trial and error, we expect our sex to be down whenever our mental health is down, and we know we need specific and different things for it,” she says. ​“You eventually get to that point if you talk enough about it.”

For the time being, Vowells offers this advice: if you’re feeling more anxious, stressed or depressed, ask yourself questions about sex to pinpoint, apprehend (and not overthink) sexual changes. ​“Ask yourself, ​‘OK, am I having sex as much as I was before? Am I thinking about sex the same way? Am I enjoying my sex?’” The answers to these questions can tell us a lot about whether our muddied brains have infiltrated our sex.

It’s easy to feel beaten down when sex problems emerge. We grow up with this idea that sex is easy, as simple as falling asleep or taking a dump. The reality, though, is that sex is complex and we all have specific, individual needs. And when our heads are in the shed, our sexual needs and behaviours are likely to fall away from the familiar. At least now we know our brains and genitals act as one, we can decipher the real meaning behind our sexual problems a little easier and dismantle both stigmas together. Thanks, mum.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What to do when body image is affecting your sex life

Actionable steps to help you get in the mood.

By Rachel Thompson

Rifling through a chest of drawers, I found an old photograph that I’d hidden in the hope I’d never again have to set eyes on it. It was taken 15 years ago on a beach in France, and I was wearing a bikini.

Back then, the photos had arrived on my doormat after I’d sent off the film to be developed. As I shuffled through them, the image of my semi-naked self immediately set off a spiral of self-loathing. I couldn’t bear to look at my body. Even with the photo stowed out of sight, those negative thoughts about my body followed me around like a shadow for another decade and a half.

These thoughts convinced me I did not deserve to be loved or even looked at. With those feelings came a distinct lack of interest in showing my body to another human — someone who could possibly see me in a state of undress and confirm everything negative emotion I’d ever felt about myself.

My body image is my sex life’s worst enemy. It is the voice in my head telling me that I need to lose weight before I go on dates. It is the seed of doubt when I notice someone looking at me in a bar. It is the thought that whirrs in my mind when I’m in bed with someone, drowning out any thoughts of pleasure.

During a recent sexual dry spell — brought on by an episode of extremely low self-esteem — I realised the one thing standing in the way of a fun and fulfilling sex life was my own brain. I had a choice: Did I want to live my life hiding out of sight because glossy magazines, billboards, and my unkind classmates in high school made me feel unloveable? Then came the question: How do I go about dismantling the destructive feelings I’ve had about myself for most my life?

Research suggests that women with poor body image derive less satisfaction from sex due to distracting thoughts about their bodies. Furthermore, women with body image issues are less likely to initiate sex. Short of spending your whole life having unsatisfying sex and never initiating sex, there are tangible, actionable things you can do to try to have better sex more often. According to sex educators, counsellors, fat acceptance activists, and authors, here are some techniques that might help…

Try positive affirmations during sex

For much of my adult life, there have been certain sexual positions I was reluctant to try because I was worried how my body might look from a certain angle. Lisa Williams and Anniki Sommerville from the Hotbed Collective wrote about this very issue in their aptly titled book More Orgasms Please: Why Female Pleasure Matters. “If body confidence is an issue for you, we would like you to try this exercise,” they wrote. “When you are next having sex, for every negative thought you have about your looks, we’d like you to come up with a positive affirmation instead.”

“This could be a nice thing about your appearance (if you really struggle with this, ask a friend to help you: we can be so much nicer to each other than we are to ourselves), or something about how the sex makes your body feel rather than what you look like,” they continued.

Williams and Sommerville recommend replacing a negative thought like “my bum is too big” with a positive affirmation like “I love it when I’m kissed along the knicker line.” They suggest switching “I need to lose weight” with “I love how my hips and waist look when I lie on my side.” “My scars are ugly” can be countered with “this person is in bed with me because of who I am.”

Identify where your body image issues come from

If you think long and hard about where that very first twinge of self-loathing came from, it’s likely those thoughts didn’t just magically appear out of nowhere. Stephanie Healey — psychotherapist and sex educator — told Mashable to “start by unpicking the kind of body image/self esteem issues that people are having and figure out when that started and whose voice that is (the inner critic, is that a parent or a teacher or an ex partner etc).”

In her book Happy Fat, comedian and fat activist Sofie Hagen wrote that “we received negative messages about bodies on a — dare I say — hourly basis.” “From the adverts on television, public transport, social media, all telling women to buy a certain product to become ‘better,’ to have smoother skin, shinier hair, a smaller waistline, redder lips, […],” she wrote.

On Elizabeth Day’s How To Fail podcast, author Marian Keyes spoke about how sexism and capitalism intersect to “teach women to hate themselves.” “When I am overweight, which is a lot of the time, I feel ashamed asking for what I want,” she said. “I have been taught that if I’m not skinny then I am greedy, I am out of control, that I am to be mocked, that I’m a figure of fun. This is all in my head, but I didn’t get those messages from no place,” she continued. “I have learnt to despise myself,” Keyes added.

Remind yourself that all bodies are hot

Flo Perry, author of How To Have Feminist Sex, told Mashable that mainstream media presents us with “such a narrow definition of what is an ‘attractive’ body.” “It can be useful to remember that in reality people find all kinds of bodies hot,” Perry added.

“Click off the front page of Pornhub even and you’re bound to find videos amateurs have uploaded with bodies just like yours with millions of views. There are people all around the country right now jacking off to your typical mum-bod.” 

Follow people who look like you

Is your Instagram feed full of photos that don’t look like you? Does it make you feel shit every time you scroll? Consider curating your social feeds with people who look like you and who are actively embracing their bodies. Perry suggests following “people on social media that look like you that are further along their body positivity journey.””Whatever you look like there will be someone who looks like you on instagram posting beautifully shot hot pictures of themselves,” she said. “If you fill your feed with these pictures you’re bound to feel more sexy.”

Hagen recommended following the Adipositivity Project, which is a collection of beautiful nude portraits of fat people that aims to change “commonly accepted notions of a narrow and specific beauty ideal.”

If you watch porn, think about the types of bodies you’re seeing on a regular basis. Healey said “mainstream free access porn content has a certain look and body type, and I’d encourage other images such as MakeLoveNotPorn to see a wider range of bodies being sexual.”

Cull social media accounts that make you feel bad

In curating your feed with glorious, gorgeous bodies that look just like yours, try to pinpoint which accounts are making you feel bad about yourself and unfollow all of them. Do not feel bad. If it’s a friend who posts constant #thinspo posts or weight loss before-and-after pics, put your own wellbeing first: Hit mute, unfollow, block.

Hugo Minchin — counsellor and co-founder of Talk to the Rainbow, the centre for LGBTQ+ therapy in Bristol — told Mashable social media is “full of idealised portraits of picture-perfect human beings.” “Comparing oneself to a fitness model, a porn star, or an influencer is unrealistic. We are all unique and ultimately self-esteem starts with yourself,” Minchin added.

Relationship expert at eharmony Rachael Lloyd recommended reminding yourself that social media isn’t real. “It’s important to take a step back and realise your friend’s social media posts are the airbrushed life she wants you to see – rather than the full picture,” said Lloyd. “Always bear in mind that this filtered lifestyle isn’t an achievable goal and aiming for those dizzying, like-induced highs is unrealistic.”

Don’t posture and perform during sex

Watching porn or any on-screen depictions of sex can leave us with deep-set notions about what sex should look like and specifically how our bodies should look when we’re in the throes of passion. Williams and Sommerville hit the nail on the head in More Orgasms Please: “[S]creen sex will make you believe that you have to fling yourself around the room naked, or dress up as Catwoman. While both these things are great if you have the whim, great sex can still happen under a duvet in the dark.”

If it feels difficult to unlearn the sex poses that mainstream pop culture and porn have ingrained in our minds, start out with self-sex (aka masturbation). Not every position you use to masturbate needs to be like the ones you see in porn.

Have a go at mindful sex

Thoughts about your body can be extremely distracting during sex.

Sex expert Kate Moyle at sex toy company LELO advocates trying mindful sex or ‘mindsex’ techniques. This can involve “taking your attention back to the pleasurable physical sensations that you are experiencing.”

“You only have a certain amount of attention available at any one time, so if you are anxious this will interrupt your physical experience,” Moyle added.

Williams and Sommerville gave some practical tips for this: “Focus on the orgasm and not on what you look like. Think about your breathing, squeeze and release your pelvic floor, tweak your own nipples, concentrate on each sensation, notice how your partner’s skin feels, think about every move the two of you are making and how they feel,” they wrote.

Share a sexual fantasy

Almaz Ohene — sexual health education facilitator at Sexplain — advised writing “a sexy story” with your sexual partner. Tapping into your creativity and creating a story about the two of you “can be a way of sharing some steamy moments together without having to get physical,” said Ohene.

“Think about the sexy experiences you’ve had together and take things from there. In a few sentences, describe the characters and whose perspective we’re hearing it from,” Ohene said. “Describe where the story will take place and any plot-driving details. You can take the story in whatever direction you like – which means it’s also a low risk way of revealing some of your desires,” she said. “You just might find yourselves trying out some of thing things on the page, once you’re back in the swing of physical sex acts again.” 

One thing I wish I’d known when I first hid that photo of myself: You do not need to lose weight in order to be desirable. We are all worthy of sex, pleasure, and attention.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Mindfulness During Sex Means More Orgasms

— Here’s What to Know

Being Aware of Your Body and Emotions Will Lead to Better Pleasure, Says Experts

By Rebecca Strong
As new research sheds light on the many mental, physical, and emotional benefits of staying fully present, more and more people have been making it a point to prioritize the art of mindfulness. And as it turns out, mindfulness can also play a big part in boosting a person’s sex life.

According to a 2021 study of mixed-sex married couples, research found that maintaining awareness and non-judgment in the bedroom led to better sexual well-being and harmony, as well as greater relationship growth. Not only that, but husbands’ awareness during sexual activity was linked to more consistent orgasms among their wives. If that’s not a hard sell, we don’t know what is.

But what exactly does mindfulness during sex look like? According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, resident sex researcher at ASTROGLIDE and research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, it’s about being fully “tuned in” to the experience. In other words, not letting your mind wander to your to-do list or what you’re making for dinner while your partner is going down on you.

“As applied to sex, mindfulness involves being aware of your body sensations, emotions, and thoughts without judging them,” says Lehmiller. “Research has uncovered a number of benefits of mindfulness during sex. Among other things, it can increase desire for sex, enhance sexual functioning, and improve sexual satisfaction.”

Gigi Engle, a certified sex educator and sex expert for SKYN, notes that mindfulness can help to strengthen the brain-body connection, thus making it easier for you to climax.

“When you spend time paying attention to and relaxing the body, you take energy away from the left side of the brain — which is responsible for mental chatter and all those repetitive thoughts — and engage the right side of the brain, which is more in touch with the body,” she explains to AskMen.

This probably sounds way too good to be true, right? Well, if your interest is piqued, we’ve got expert-approved details on how to incorporate mindfulness into your sex life the right way.

Signs Your Sex Life Would Benefit From Mindfulness

Experts agree that anyone sex life can improve with a little more mindfulness. Below, you’ll find some signs that you and your partner might need to make this a priority in the bedroom.

One or Both of You Keeps Getting Distracted

Having trouble staying focused on the act at hand? It’s normal to have your mind wander once in a while during sex, but if those distracting thoughts are preventing you from staying aroused, having an orgasm, or feeling connected to your partner, Lehmiller says that’s a red flag.

“Mindfulness has the potential to help with a very wide range of sexual difficulties, and can sometimes augment other treatments and therapeutic approaches,” he explains.

Sex Feels Routine

If it feels like you’re going through the motions every time you and your partner have sex, it’s likely because one or both of you aren’t staying in the moment. That mundaneness is leading you to resort to old habits rather than allowing curiosity and pleasure to drive new experiences.

“When partners aren’t fully present, sex gets habitual,” says Engle. “This then registers as a drop of physical dissatisfaction — and eventually the possibility of resentment in your unconscious mind. Over time, those drops accumulate until they can fill a bucket, at which point the sex in a relationship begins to fizzle out. If you approach your sex exactly like you approach meditation: with intention, generosity, savoring, a willingness to slow down and relax into it, and a resolve to return from distraction when it naturally happens, sex can become through-the-roof ecstatic, and even that then deepens over time.”

You Can’t Remember the Last Time You and Your Partner Talked About Sex

Communication is crucial to a healthy, satisfying sex life. Do you and your partner often share with each other what’s working (or not working) between the sheets? Do you reflect on sexual experiences you have or share fantasies about things you’d like to try?

According to Shameless Therapy sex therapist Jackie Golob, MS, not being able to communicate with each other before, during, and after sex can signal a lack of mindfulness.

How to Improve Mindfulness During Sex

According to certified sex educator and sex coach Suzannah Weiss, it all starts outside the bedroom. She recommends making it a point to practice mindfulness throughout your daily life — such as by paying attention to how your washcloth feels against your skin in the shower, or how the breeze feels against your face on your walk around your neighborhood. Move through all five senses on your commute, honing in on what you see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.

“Sit in a chair for 10-15 minutes per day and practice tuning into your physical sensations,” adds Lehmiller. “What are you feeling throughout your body? When thoughts cross your mind, acknowledge them and let them go — and keep turning back to the sensations.”

Below, experts share a few more strategies for incorporating mindfulness while getting frisky.

Engage in an Imago Dialogue

Imago relationship therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy aimed at helping couples cultivate understanding and connect more deeply. And according to Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and certified IRT therapist, this method can actually be immensely helpful for boosting mindfulness in the bedroom. He suggests following an IRT dialogue technique to communicate with your partner about your sex life.

“Intimacy is such a sensitive issue for couples, it’s really important that each of you as individuals feels safe in your conversation with each other,” he explains. “The Imago dialogue, with its ‘scripted’ model of communicating is the perfect way to create safety to discuss such a sensitive topic.”

How does it work, you ask? Slatkin advises scheduling a time with your partner to talk about your intimacy. When it’s time to talk, clear the clutter from your bedroom, put on comfortable clothing, and sit down so you can look into each other’s eyes. From there, you or your partner can take turns sharing one thing you enjoy or need from the other. The listener mirrors what they said back to the other partner with no judgment.

For example, “Let me see if I understand. You’re saying you feel like our sex is rushed, and you’d like to take your time with more foreplay?” Active listening in this way can help you to gain a stronger understanding of each other’s perspectives.

“You may be pleasantly surprised to learn more about what your partner desires and what would make them feel good,” says Slatkin. “That’s the beauty of the Imago dialogue.”

Try Mindful Masturbation

Focusing on mindfulness during your solo pleasure sessions can help you then translate those skills into partner sex.

“Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do for our partner sexually is to know yourself sexually,” adds Nikki Nolet a licensed marriage/family therapist and founder of Relationships Redefined. “Imagine having the knowledge to guide your partner towards pleasuring yourself, rather than leaving it to them to guess at what pleases you. Plus, being aware of your own turn-ons can then, in turn, be a huge turn-on for your partner.”

For this approach, put away any distractions while masturbating (yes, that includes porn), and try to tune into every sensation you’re feeling. Take it slow, and if you feel you’re unable to maintain that mind-body connection, try touching yourself elsewhere on your body to jolt your system and snap back to attention.

Keep Your Eyes Open and the Lights On

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with closing your eyes during sex, or dimming the lights beforehand, relationship expert psychologist and sex therapist Tatyana Dyachenko says switching things up can go a long way in terms of promoting mindfulness.

“When you close our eyes it’s easier for your mind to wander,” she explains. “Having the lights on and your eyes open helps to keep you out of autopilot mode.”

Experiment With Sensation Play

If you and your partner are both open to it, Engle recommends incorporating sensation play — using items like a feather and an ice cube — into sex. These kinds of tools can really help enhance mindfulness during a romp because they heighten physical sensations on your skin.

However, if props aren’t your thing, you can still bring more awareness to your sexual experiences.

“While your partner gently touches your body, tune into everything from the feel of their breath on your skin to variations in touch pressure to changes in your heart or breathing rate,” says Lehmiller.

Just Take Notice

Noticing what’s turning you on (and what isn’t), and then communicating those observations to your partner in the moment, is key, says Golob. First, just make a mental note of what feels good, sharing what you’re noticing by saying, “that feels so good,” or “I like that a lot, don’t stop.” after. If something doesn’t feel good, try to frame it in a positive way by commending your partner for something else you preferred.

Reduce Any “Sexpectations”

When there’s too much pressure on achieving an orgasm, experts say it becomes very difficult to stay present during sex due to focusing only on the end goal. Sadly, that can actually end up sabotaging your ability to enjoy the experience, let alone being able to finish.

“The thought that every sexual encounter should end in orgasm triggers shame, blame, and guilt if you don’t,” says Golob. “Orgasm is not the goal of sex, pleasure is the goal of sex. We need to remember to reduce sexpectations and not judge ourselves or partners if things don’t happen as we may have wanted.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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5 Powerful Changes To Make To Your Sex Life In 2022

By Kelly Gonsalves

It’s 2022, and conversations around sexuality have evolved tremendously. We know more than ever before about the science of orgasms, fostering desire, and all the different ways we can experience sexuality. There are virtually infinite resources out there, from books and podcasts to courses and retreats, dedicated to helping us tap into all the good feelings to which our bodies have access.

If it’s been a long while since you last prioritized your sex life, consider this your invitation to enter into the new year with an intention of rediscovering your erotic self and all the ways in which you can experience sensual pleasure in your body, soul, and partnerships. For inspiration, we asked sexuality experts to offer some tangible, straightforward ideas for how to actually better your sex life. Here’s what they recommended:

1. Talk more about sex.

“One of the most powerful changes couples can make to their sex life is to talk more about sex,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, AASECT-certified sex therapist and author of Reclaiming Pleasure.

To have great sex, you must be able to talk about it. When was the last time you talked to your partner about which types of touch you like the most—and least? Do you know your partner’s wildest fantasies? What are the things that make them in the mood for sex—and not in the mood for sex?

“If neither partner knows what the other’s expectations, desires, or needs are around sex, there isn’t much chance of continually making it better,” Richmond says. “Couples that talk about sex can have better, more exciting sex the longer they are in the relationship, which is exactly the opposite of what we’ve been told to believe, that sex gets worse or more boring the longer you are together.”

2. Start a regular masturbation practice.

Whether you’re single or partnered, sex and dating coach Myisha Battle, M.S., recommends making time for solo sex at least once a week.

“It’s a great way to stay in touch with your sexual energy as well as learn about what your body likes,” she explains. “Allow yourself to explore your desires through porn or erotica, have fun, and take notes about what you like and don’t like!”

Some people may feel uncomfortable masturbating when they’re in a relationship, or they let their masturbation practice subside in favor of partnered sex. But Battle says anyone and everyone can benefit from masturbating regularly, including people in long-term relationships.

“Masturbation can help you be less dependent on your partner’s availability for sex. This change opens up so much for people who overly rely on others to be sexual. You can be your most reliable source for sexual pleasure no matter what your relationship status is,” she says. 

3. Start a mindfulness practice.

Whether or not we realize it, what we do outside the bedroom can have a big impact on how we feel when we’re actually having sex. That’s why one thing that licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist Lauren Fogel Mersy, Psy.D., L.P., recommends to those seeking better sex is to start a mindfulness practice.

“A regular practice of being present in the moment without judgment may transfer to your sex life, which will likely improve your experience,” she explains. “Being present in the moment is when sex can feel most pleasurable and connected. It’s when we are most in touch with our bodies and our partners.”

Learning how to be present in your body in general—such as through meditating, breathwork, or other mindfulness exercises—can help you be more aware of the pleasurable sensations your body is feeling during sex (i.e., sex will feel better).

4. Explore eroticism.

What does eroticism mean to you?

“We each have things that we find arousing,” AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed couples’ counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., tells mbg. “You can tune in to yours by thinking about your best sexual experiences, your fantasies, and your response to various erotic media.”

Zimmerman recommends taking time to explore what you find erotic and then (if you’re in a relationship) sharing that with your partner—and asking them about their version of eroticism, too.

“Approach this with curiosity and a whole lot of openness rather than judgment or criticism. Then, play in any overlap you find,” she says. “This doesn’t mean you have to do the things you fantasize about, but you might find it hot to talk about, role-play, or fantasize together that it is happening or about to happen.”

5. Commit to some novelty.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, Zimmerman recommends making an active commitment as a couple to prioritize novelty.

“Decide you’re going to find something new to do together every month. You can change the location or setting, delve into each other’s sexual interests and fantasies and find something you haven’t done (or not done in a long time, anyway), or find a great yes/no/maybe list to get some ideas you may not have considered before,” she says. “Approach this with a spirit of adventure and exploration; it doesn’t have to go without a hitch.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How To Practice ‘Sexual Framing’ To Get in the Mood Using Just Your Mind

By Erica Sloan

Having an orgasm is inherently physical in nature, but the mind also plays a profound role in the event. In fact, there’s an entire facet of the experience that happens within a region of the brain called the genital sensory cortex (aka brain crotch), which you can activate with focused mindfulness. Way before you reach orgasm, though, your mental state plays a critical role in the lead-up to sex that involves getting turned on. To zero in on that arousal-boosting mindset, you might consider tapping the psychological concept of framing.

“Framing is all about context or how something is portrayed or presented,” says neuroscientist and sex therapist Nan Wise, PhD.  Typically, this concept is applied to gambling and the frames of mind that make us more or less likely to be risk-averse or risk-cautious. The probability and even the outcome of a situation could be the same in multiple frames, but depending on the way your brain perceives the situation at its onset—that is, the particular frame that’s used—you could act differently.

When applied to a sexual scenario, framing can set you up for arousal by shifting your mind toward a positive outcome to follow. To practice it, though, you’ll need to first address your current frame of mind (whether that’s stressed-out, anxious, or perfectly calm), as well as how you frame sexuality on the whole.

“We’re all conditioned to view our sexuality in different ways based on the set of sexual experiences we’ve had, as well as the cultural, religious, and media messaging around sex,” says Dr. Wise. “So, your first step is to recognize how exactly you’ve internalized all of that in terms of your sexual approach.” Next, shift your mindset into a conducive-for-sex zone, with the help Dr. Wise’s top brain-focused tips, outlined below.

4 ways to use positive sexual framing for arousal, according to a neuroscientist:

1. Visualize sex as an embodied experience.

Think about sex as utterly sensational—in the most literal sense, as satisfying and enjoyable sensations within your body. “We’re so relational in the world, thinking about how we appear to others and how we can take care of other people,” says Dr. Wise. “But in terms of sex, it’s helpful to view it from the outside in.”

To do that, tune into your body before you dive into any kind of sexual act, and do a quick scan. Ask yourself: What’s happening in my body right now? What feels good and what doesn’t? This type of check-in can allow you to be more physically present in the space—and in turn, help you tune into the physicality of a sexual partner, too (if you’re participating in partnered play, that is).

2. Listen to audio erotica.

While visual porn can certainly move you into a sexual mindset, audio erotica is likewise able to facilitate this, but without shifting you out of your own physical space. Essentially, without viewing other people performing sex acts in distant settings, you may be better able to stay focused on your own body and presence. But at the same time, the sex-based language of audio erotica can create an arousing, sex-positive springboard from which your mind can naturally jump to sexual fantasies of your own.

3. Practice body-focused affirmations.

The words we say to ourselves are powerful when it comes to sexual framing, and centering those words on the bodily experience of sex—as opposed to results, outcomes, or the potential perceptions of others—can help return your mind to the physical sensations at hand.

For example, if you’re engaging in foreplay, recognize and identify what you’re feeling and what you enjoy, making a mental (or, heck, verbal) statement of it. Some examples include: “I love how I feel strong or flexible,” or “I like how this part of my body feels,” or “I love what my body can do for me.”

4. Use language that mirrors your—or your partner’s—‘erotic footprint.’

There are tons of different ways to get turned on, and some will resonate more for you than others. If you consider the general pattern or trend of actions that turn you on—what Dr. Wise calls your “erotic footprint”—you can more easily access language that’ll be effective for sexual framing. And this applies to a partner, as well, if you’re aiming to gently shift their frame of mind toward sex, too.

“Speaking a partner’s language can help you both get aroused,” says Dr. Wise. “For example, if they appreciate sentimentality and soulfulness, you could say, ‘I love to gaze into your eyes,’ or if they’re excited by adventure, maybe it’s something like, ‘What are your fantasies? I want to explore those with you.’” What’s more, these statements can help you feel more intimately connected to a partner from the jump—which is a sexual frame of mind, in and of itself.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Is Death Grip

—And What Can You Do About It?

By Gigi Engle

If you haven’t heard of “death grip” among people who masturbate, you’re probably not alone. While many people (especially those with penises) have experienced this common phenomenon, not many have the language to explain the behavior and side effects.

Hence why I, a certified sex educator, am here to fill in the knowledge gaps the vast majority of people currently have. (Thanks for nothing, Random Gym Teacher who taught us how to put a condom on a banana and traumatized us with pictures of genital warts.)

Why We Call It “Death Grip”

Firstly, it’s important to say that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a healthy expression of human sexuality that should be celebrated as normal and OK. Opening the door for a discussion of death grip does not mean we’re suddenly anti-masturbation.

The term “death grip” was originally coined in 2003 by the legendary sex columnist Dan Savage. (Savage was also the first person to use the word “pegging”—that’s when a cisgender man is anally penetrated by someone wearing a strap-on or dildo.) Death grip is not an official medical diagnosis; it’s just a common term for a recognized phenomenon, and it has many causes that need to be identified for the greater good.

Accredited psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist Silva Neves tells TheBody that death grip happens when “men [or people with penises] are masturbating with a strong grip and become used to feeling sensation and pleasure with that kind of hard friction only.”

The (very dramatic) “death” bit comes from the indirect effects of such a tight grip: You become so used to the feeling of your hand holding your penis in a strong, tight way (usually without lube, let’s be real) that your penis has trouble responding to other forms of sexual stimulation.

Now, don’t get too worked up about the scary name and description. Death grip is a very common occurrence—and there are ways around it.

If you’ve experienced (or are currently experiencing) issues with staying hard or ejaculating during partnered sex because of death grip, there are ways to adjust your behavior, re-learn how to feel different sensations, and move on. No amount of furious hand-sex will cause permanent damage.

Why Does Death Grip Happen?

When you constantly, persistently masturbate with your hand, the body starts to become habituated to this routine. Death grip is basically all about consistent, intense stimulation.

This is not limited to one’s hands. If you’re someone who furiously humps mattresses, pillows, or other rough surfaces as your sole form of masturbation, you may also fall into a death grip pattern.

According to Neves, when your body is hella used to getting off from a tight AF grip, you can start to experience “erection problems due to not feeling enough sensation or pleasure with a partner, because the grip of the mouth or vagina is not as strong, or has gentler friction.” This goes for buttholes as well.

Does this sound like you? Because to me, it sure sounds like it applies to the zillions of penis owners around the world who haven’t had comprehensive sex education. I reckon that it is happening all over Planet Earth right now, as you’re reading this. And research shows that those who get a lot of pleasure from masturbation will continue the behavior as habits become deeply ingrained.

So, if you are someone who is experiencing sexual concerns due to death grip, what can you do?

Death Grip Treatment: Technique and Mindfulness Are Hugely Important

Masturbation is not addictive, but it can become a problem in certain contexts. If you’re masturbating intensely, in a certain way, over and over again for your whole life, your sexual patterns can become habituated. Your body is not broken or “addicted” to masturbation; it just doesn’t know how to respond sexually to anything else.

Ty David Lerman, a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, talked to TheBody about the use of systematic desensitization to address this. You “gradually wean off the specific behavior and introduce new ways of being stimulated; because the type of specific masturbation varies widely, the way to desensitize would also vary,” he explains. “To get the most tailored approach, seeking out a sex therapist is highly recommended.”

If you’re not ready for professional intervention, you can also try some at-home techniques to make progress on your own. This is where technique and mindfulness come into play.

Kenneth Play, a sex hacker and international sex expert, tells TheBody that there is a twofold solution available:

  1. Changing up your masturbation routine.
  2. Introducing mindfulness into your practice.

“This might involve taking a break from porn and fantasizing to just focus on the sensations in your body,” he says. “To truly get in touch with the body, sometimes we need to give the mind a break from the intense stimulation we are used to giving it as well, and use that time to really pay attention and zone in, rather than zoning out in front of a screen.”

The Bigger Picture: Death Grip and How Our Society Treats Masturbation

The bigger social issue with death grip is that it is psychologically dangerous for lots of young penis-owning (and clit-owning) people out there who will walk into the world of real sex and wonder why their penis or clitoris isn’t responding the way they want it to.

This can have all kinds of effects on sexual self-esteem, leading to a possible reduction in social-sexual experiences and more masturbation. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves you in the throes of death grip, without solutions.

And this is why education is so crucial.

While technique and mindfulness will always be important in order to fully experience one’s entire pleasure potential—we are creatures who enjoy variety, after all—so many of the issues caused by death grip could be avoided if we just gave young people access to comprehensive sex education.

As we’ve previously covered on TheBody, comprehensive sex education is so important to our overall well-being that it has the potential to aid in trauma reduction when we’re adults. “Human sexuality is as varied as there are humans,” Lerman says. “Everyone is different on many levels.”

If we universally accepted that masturbation was normal, healthy, and OK; if we educated kids about what porn actually is (and isn’t) instead of allowing it to be their default sex education; if we opened up a door for curious young people to ask questions about sex in a safe and open way—well, there’s no way to measure the positive effects all of this would have on society as a whole.

Masturbation is not bad. You are not bad. Our educational systems are flawed, and we all deserve better. And don’t worry: With some work and perseverance, you can leave death grip behind, and your sex life will flourish. Hang in there, buckaroo.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Keeping a mindful sex journal can completely transform your sex life

By Tanyel Mustafa

Sex/Life is our latest Netflix show craze, and it’s got us thinking more about… ahem… our sex lives. There are plenty of ways to enhance yours – be it through toys or new positions – but how do you know what’s actually working best for you? This is where a sex diary can help. No, seriously – hear us out.

Maybe you’re in a relationship and after the initial buzz of lockdown sex died down (come on, what else did we have to do in quarantine?, your sex life has a got a little less exciting. Or maybe things with your SO are seriously longterm, and you’re looking for a way to spice things up. And even if you’re looking to document your own solo pleasure, there’s benefits here too in keeping a sex diary.

Ultimately, it’s for your own enjoyment and to get better acquainted with how you feel about your sex life. Here’s what you need to know.

Why should you keep a sex journal?

Journaling is often recommended as a way to go inwards, self-reflect or even to let worries and situations go. Depending on how you feel about your sex life, a journal can be a good way to do these things.

It might seem weird at first, given that the main window we have for talking about sex is drunkenly with a trusted friend, but think about how freeing it could be. How often do you share the nitty gritty details of your sex life? Let’s be real, real sex rarely is the way it looks on our screens (including you, Sex/Life). It’s easy to feel like your experiences aren’t “normal”, whatever that actually means.

Kate Moyle, sex and relationship expert at sexual wellness brand LELO tells us: “Journaling is a commonly used tool in therapy for externalising, building self-awareness and helping to reflect on experiences, thoughts and feelings.

“Writing to yourself in this way can also highlight to you where you might be placing certain judgements, assumptions or ideas, which when it comes to sex can have a really big impact on our sex lives and experiences. Writing them down either in the moment or returning to then can really highlight some of both the internal and external factors which might be impacting us sexually.”

A journal is a private way to dissect these thoughts, which might even make talking about them later with your partner or friend easier. Or just keep it for yourself – in a fun way, it’ll be like a little log of your sexual adventures.

Are their benefits for single people, too?

We’ve spent the last year in isolation, and for some single people, the idea of getting back out there sexually will be daunting. Kate says journaling can help you process your thoughts around sex, as well as the act itself.

“Processing, externalising and exploring our thoughts and feelings, particularly when it comes to sex which we might feel is more challenging to discuss with others, can give us a chance to work out where we are at and how we’re doing. We can get so caught up in the moment when it comes to sex, that we may need a bit of space in order to do this properly which sex can offer.

“How you use a sex journal is unique to you – it’s not prescriptive. For others it can also offer a form of self sex education, learning about themselves and what they like and don’t like in a way which doesn’t necessarily involve a partner,” she explains.

So, how do you start?

“Whenever you want to,” Kate says, but warns to not go in “immediately after sex as you also have your partner and their thoughts and feelings to respond to”. Doing this could create anxieties in them about what you’re writing – not ideal.

What should you keep in mind while writing?

The act of journaling is meant to be helpful in essence, rather than being yet another tool to self-criticise.

Kate says: “The aim of this type of journalling is not about judging performance or a way of assessing yourself, it’s a means of reflecting and being able to self-learn and process. Sex is a subjective experience but for too long we have been looking for objective ways to try and measure it to see how we are doing – and this is what journaling shouldn’t be about.

“It might be helpful to notice how you feel writing, and what comes up for you and to learn what’s working for you sexually and what isn’t. This isn’t just in terms of physically what you are doing but emotionally and psychologically where you’re at.

Should you look back over it?

That’s entirely down to you and will differ depending on how you’re using the journal. Some people won’t want to look back, others might even find some enjoyment in doing so.

As long as you’re using the journal in an uncompetitive way and as a “tool for learning”, Kate says it’ll likely help your sexual wellness. “When we feel that we know more, it can contribute to feeling more confident and when it comes to our sex lives this can be really positive,” Kate says.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How mindfulness can re-invigorate your sex life

Harness the power of mindfulness to form deeper connections

by Jodie Bond

We all know the benefits of mindfulness, but have you ever considered introducing aspects of mindful practice into your sex life? Many of us don’t associate calm and mindfulness with the passion we strive for in the bedroom, yet taking the time to think mindfully about sex is a great way to super-charge your love life.

Professor Lori Brotto is a psychologist and author from the University of British Columbia’s Sexual Health Laboratory. Considering the links she’s found in her research, Professor Brotto says: “A large body of scientific research shows that mindfulness significantly improves sexual desire, and several other facets of sexual function, mood, and sexual quality of life.”

Improving the way we tune-in to our bodies through mindfulness can improve the way we tune-in to our sexuality. These five steps will help you get started.

Passionate sex is mindful sex

Think back to your most powerful sexual experience. Do you remember what was running through your head? It’s likely that you don’t. When we’re immersed in the throes of passion, we are seized by the moment. We give our whole being to it. And that is exactly what mindfulness is. Passionate sex is mindful sex: we give all our energy to the heat of the experience, with no room for distraction.

In long-term relationships, we often find ourselves slipping into autopilot. We put ourselves through the motions of sex without being present. Do you ever find yourself thinking about work, or your never-ending to-do list? Our thoughts can be a barrier to intimacy.

Learn to switch off

Be in the moment during sex. Focus on your senses, and not on how you’re performing. This will not only help both you and your partner to relax, but will make the experience more enjoyable. Focus on the parts of your body that are alight with sensation. Notice your movements, the rise and fall of your breath, the warmth and coolness, the shiver of your skin.

Talking to your partner about what you’re experiencing during sex will help you both gain a better understanding of how to dial up the pleasure. Those whispers between the sheets can also be a huge turn on.

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Meditation and sex

Meditation and sex might sound like contradictory activities. Meditation is practised alone, usually in stillness and silence; sex is often active, noisy, and frequently practised with a partner! But these two activities are more complementary than you might think.

Research suggests that meditating in our daily lives has a positive impact on our enjoyment of sex. Regular meditation reduces the amount of the stress hormone, cortisol, that we produce. We all know that feeling stressed pushes sex down the priority list, and makes us more distracted when engaging with our partner. By lowering our stress levels through meditation, we can give our mind, and libido, the breathing space required to ignite our sense of desire.

Don’t put pressure on yourself

Often, we think of an orgasm as the primary goal when having sex, but placing climax on a pedestal can create unwanted pressure. According to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, more than half of women struggle to climax through penetrative sex, and chasing after an orgasm can distract from other sensual pleasures, and lead to frustration. Letting go of expectations, and simply enjoying the moment for what it is, will often yield astonishing results.

Make a date

It is easy for sex to slip down the list of priorities in long-term relationships – it’s not often given the time it deserves. A survey published in the British Medical Journal revealed that we are having less sex than we used to. This is often attributed to the fast pace of our modern lives.

A lot of value is placed on our ability to be spontaneous with sex, but there is no shame in scheduling it in. If you take one thing from this, promise yourself that you’ll dedicate a few hours to engage mindfully with sex.

Mindfulness is about finding an anchor for your focus. Let the anchor be your own body. Learn to return to that anchor when you are distracted, and you will revolutionise your love life. That’s a promise.

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Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of intimacy that can improve relationships

— Here’s how to practice it

By Sarah Fielding

  • Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy.
  • Prepare for tantric sex by learning its history, creating a safe space, and practicing mindfulness.
  • To practice on tantric sex, focus on your breath, gaze into each other’s eyes, and slow down.

Have you ever wanted to slow things down in the bedroom and gain a more intimate connection with a partner? If so, you may want to consider tantric sex — a form of intimacy focused on strengthening the ties between you and your partner.

Here’s how to practice tantric sex and tips to integrate the practice into your sex life.

Understanding tantric sex

Tantric sex is a slowed-down version of sex designed to enhance intimacy. It stems from the Sanskrit word tantra, which means woven together, and is rooted in Hindu and Buddhist teachings.

In tantric sex, the goal is not about reaching orgasm quickly (if at all) or about feeling incredible physical pleasure. Instead, tantric sex focuses on creating a genuine mindful connection within yourself and then between you and your partner.

“You feel as if you’re merging together or, rather, that the things that separate you are illusions of the material world,” says Stefani Goerlich, a licensed master social worker and sex therapist. “The result of tantric practice is the creation of close bonds with one’s partner, greater awareness of one’s body, and the development of skills such as mindfulness , restraint, and communication.”

Another benefit of tantric sex is its ability to ease anxiety. Traditionally, intimacy can cause performance anxiety around premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the worry about ensuring orgasm.

“That pressure… takes you from being in the moment and in your body, to being in your head,” says Kamil Lewis, a sex and relationship therapist in Southern California.

Tantric sex removes those anxieties. “When [you] are able to redirect focus towards experiencing the sensations of simply being present and connected together, [you] are able to enjoy sex without anxiety or fear,” says Goerlich.

How to prepare for tantric sex

If you’re interested in tantric sex, you should prepare in three main ways.

1. Learn about its history

As with any practice rooted in a specific culture, taking the time to understand its history shows respect for its origin and allows you to embrace it with a fuller understanding.

“We cannot take on the spiritual and religious practices of other cultures without taking the time to honor the origins and understand what we’re doing,” says Goerlich. A great place to start could be this cultural and historical overview of tantra.

2. Practice mindfulness

To prepare for tantric sex, Lewis recommends doing a mindfulness practice to connect with your body, become aware of senses, and slow down — all integral aspects of tantric sex.

This can be done through yoga, meditation , or intentionally focusing on sensations and movements throughout the day.

3. Create a safe environment

If trying tantric sex, create a safe environment where you and a partner feel free to connect with yourselves and each other.

“Somewhere where you can feel uninhibited by distractions, and somewhere that you don’t feel self-conscious about sounds you may make,” says Lewis. “Moaning, grunting, and vocalizing are encouraged with tantric sex, so consider a time when roommates, parents, or children aren’t home.”

Tips to practice tantric sex

Once you’re ready to practice tantric sex, you should keep five tips in mind.

1. Focus on breath

Focusing on breath is an essential component of tantric sex, as it allows for deeper connection. Partners are encouraged to synchronize their breaths, so it almost becomes one movement, says Molly Papp, LMFT, sexologist, a certified sex addiction therapist, and owner of Bella Vida Therapy.

As with most mindfulness practices, the breath also grounds you in the present moment. Try paying attention to a part of your body where you feel the breath, like the belly or chest, and refocus your attention to this part.

2. Gaze into each other’s eyes

Spend time gazing into a partner’s eyes. While continual eye contact isn’t necessary for tantric sex, Papp highly recommends it occur often to help build an intimate connection.

Eye gazing is another way of synchronizing to each other’s energy. To gaze deeper, try focusing on having your right eye connect with their right eye.

3. Slow down

Tantric sex is not a race to an orgasmic finish line, but a chance to slow down and explore each other’s bodies. It can last until you reach orgasm, feel connected, or are emotionally satisfied.

This attitude change relieves a lot of typically felt anxiety. “It is especially great for women because of its focus on slowing things down and waiting for arousal to build,” says Papp. “In an age where we are flooded with unrealistic pressure to feel orgasmic pleasure within minutes, this is freeing for many women.”

4. Engage all five senses

The only “goal” of tantric sex is remaining present and being aware of sensations in the body. To do this, Lewis suggests paying attention to all five of your senses, not just touch.

“Notice how your partner smells, what the curves of their bodies look like, what tastes you pick up in your mouth as you kiss, what it sounds like when they or you moan,” Lewis says. “These are all great ways to become grounded in your body and present in the moment.”

5. Incorporate massage

Sex does not need to be penetrative. “Kissing, touching, holding, rubbing, and more can all lead to a full tantric sexual experience, no penetration necessary,” says Lewis.

Even if you want to incorporate penetrative sex, Goerlich says there’s no reason to rush into it. Start by focusing on markers that keep you present and connected, like massaging or cuddling.

“Prolong this sensory exploration and carry it over into your penetrative sex — if indeed you have penetrative sex,” says Goerlich.

In fact, focusing on other forms of intimacy can help keep anxiety levels down. “Something more sensual rather than sexual could help calm one or both partners,” says Papp. “A cuddle session or massage would help relieve that anxiety and ease the experience.”

Insider’s takeaway

Tantric sex slows down an intimate experience and emphasizes the connection between you and a partner.

The practice involves focusing on the breath, staying present, and creating a safe environment to explore sensual intimacy. Remember the end goal of tantric sex is not orgasm, but being present in the given moment.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!