Category: Intersex

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I’m Intersex

— Here’s How That Affects My Sex Life.

“I’ve never understood the idea in society that people should be ashamed of differences like this.”

By Mark Hay

About 1.7 percent of all people are born with intersex characteristics, an umbrella term for sex traits—such as external genitalia, internal reproductive organs, and chromosomal configurations—that don’t line up with society’s artificially tidy binary concepts of male or female bodies. Some of these characteristics are visible at birth: for example, genitals that are notably different from the norms or hard to classify as definitively male or female. Some only make their presence known during puberty, like when people don’t develop in the ways they might’ve expected. Some are so internal and subtle that they’re only identified during an autopsy. In any case, it’s usually impossible to tell if someone has intersex traits just by looking at them in everyday life. Still, living with intersex characteristics can have major impacts on people’s lives—including their sex lives.

To be clear, an intersex characteristic isn’t a medical condition or disability. It’s just one of many natural variations in the way diverse human bodies look and operate. Some factors that lead to intersex variations, like atypical hormone production, can at times also cause serious medical issues that require treatment, but most differences themselves are purely neutral. Yet society’s obsession with categorizing people into one of two binary genders at birth—and with erasing or ignoring anything that complicates the clean (over)simplicity of that binary—means many people with intersex traits grow up with the notion that there is supposedly something wrong with them, but they shouldn’t talk about it. Often, they’re also pressured or forced into “normalizing” themselves to match typical male or female anatomy: Across the world, kids with visible intersex traits are regularly subjected to objectively unnecessary and often harmful surgeries to reshape or remove their genitals, expressly to make them look “normal” and supposedly help them fit into society.

A fair number of people with intersex characteristics don’t feel these traits have much effect, if any, on their sex lives. But several intersex differences can lead to unique experiences of sex and pleasure. And many “normalization” surgeries drastically reduce or eliminate people’s genital sensations, and/or lead to chronic pain and dysfunction in erogenous zones. Thanks to the extreme culture of shame and silence around these traits and experiences, it’s difficult for people with intersex traits—or who are grappling with the effects of unnecessary surgeries—to learn about their bodies, much less articulate and advocate for their sexual wants and needs. Popular misconceptions and stigmas, as well as the risk of someone reacting poorly to diverse genitals or a body that doesn’t work in the ways they’d expect it to, also make it hard for some people with intersex traits to feel comfortable exploring intimacy, or to feel sexy and sexual.

In recent decades, several intersex organizations have formed to push back on pathologization and stigmatization and to help people with intersex characteristics find community and support. But most of their public advocacy and education to date has (understandably) focused on ending unnecessary and harmful surgeries—so there’s still not a ton of public information out there on the issues people with intersex characteristics can face when navigating sex, and how to manage them.

To help bring more visibility to these issues and experiences, VICE reached out to Addy Berry, an intersex woman, and her wife Leea to talk about the ways they’ve approached sex and intimacy. Every intersex experience is unique, so Addy and Leea’s story is hardly universal. But Addy also studies the sexual experiences of people with intersex traits as a PhD candidate and an activist, and shared some of the wider insights she’s gleaned through her research, advocacy, and education work over the years.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Addy: When I was born, my urethra opened on the underside of my phallus, close to the testes. I underwent surgery as a child to reroute it. In medical papers published as late as 2022, doctors have attempted to justify that type of surgery by saying it’s important for boys to be able to pee with their friends—which is a wild justification for a surgery that they perform when no one goes back to see what the long-term effects were on other people. [Editor’s Note: This is one of the most common surgeries performed on infants and toddlers with intersex characteristics.] It’s actually pretty difficult for me to pee anywhere now because there’s a mass of scar tissue within my urethra due to that surgery. So moving my urethra hasn’t done me a whole lot of good.

Doctors insist they can do things like reduce the size of a clitoris—in the past they’d fully remove it—and it’ll all be fine, when there’s no way for them to know that will be the case. Young people I’ve talked to who’ve undergone those surgeries report a lot of pain and also a lot of psychological issues related to the procedures and their long-term effects.

I was also put on hormones pre-puberty, under false pretenses. I didn’t act in accordance with the gender I was assigned—ever—and I got punished for that. Transgender and intersex are not the same thing, but a lot of us were assigned a gender despite uncertainties, and the surgeries done to make us fit that gender then don’t really suit us.

Growing up, my father said things to me like, “You weren’t born with a proper penis,” which is how I knew what my scars were from. And my mother referred to me as an abomination. The effects of all that stigma and shame come up in almost all of the interviews I do—it all has a big effect on your sexuality. I felt the effect on my sense of sexuality pretty early on in life.

Without much sensation in my genitals, likely thanks to that surgery, sex for me was never genital-centric. I could perform penetrative sex, but it doesn’t really do me any good. I was drawn to BDSM, and particularly female domination, from an early age. I’m essentially a masochist. Not everyone in the BDSM community links their involvement back to trauma, but for me I think it’s tied to my history of treatment as an autistic and intersex child who tended to be gender non-conforming and who was raised by a superstitious, sadistic Catholic woman with a lot of issues.

Due to what I was put through in my childhood, I developed into a physically masculine person, and I’d get involved with girls who liked me because of what I looked like—but who’d get angry at me for being feminine even though I was always open about who I am and I didn’t really act masculine. One partner told me that having sex with me was “like having sex with a girl,” and I was like, “Well…” They get angry at you for being the thing you said you were rather than the thing they wanted you to be. There was a lot of incompatibility in my intimate life. And then I found Leea, and there’s been so much compatibility between us that I almost wonder how she’s real. How did we find each other? We should have bought all of the lottery tickets that day. [Laughs.]

Leea: I like to read personal ads because it’s interesting to me to see what people put in them to find a mate. It’s like a love CV or something. I saw this really cute, well-written, dirty Craigslist ad one day, talking about BDSM stuff and with a cute picture, and I said “Oh that’s cool” and moved on. A few days later, I saw the same ad, but all the dirty bits were gone, and I thought that was cute too. I’d never felt inclined to write back to an ad before, but I replied, “Hey, I thought your dirty ad was cuter.” We started texting and then met for a coffee date and really hit it off. 

My dad has a cousin who has intersex characteristics. I’m not sure what they are exactly, but as far as I understood it she’d undergone surgery to make her more female, but because of those surgeries she couldn’t have a child, so they adopted. She told my mother about it because they were good friends, and most of my family knew a bit about it, but nobody talked about it or asked questions. It was kind of a family secret. So I knew intersex characteristics existed before I met Addy, but that was about it. Fairly quickly, it became obvious she was trans but not out. 

Addy: Because of my kiddos.

Leea: But it took a while to realize, “Oh, Addy’s intersex.”

Addy: Yeah, we talked about the surgeries I went through early on and all of that, but I hadn’t attached intersex language to that yet, for myself even.

Leea: Addy had to do a lot of figuring things out because she always knew she’d had these surgeries but she’d never been told specifically what had happened.

Addy: I’d known other words, and I found intersex later. The modern intersex movement has only existed as long as we’ve been able to find and reach each other online.

“The modern intersex movement has only existed as long as we’ve been able to find and reach each other online.” —Addy

Leea: Still, from early on I understood a lot about Addy—and none of it was an issue for me. We’ve just constantly had discussions about where we are. And Addy likes to talk a lot anyway. 

Addy: [Laughs.] It came up early on that you weren’t interested in penetrative sex as well.

Leea: I’d dated a lot of people, and by then I was clear on the sex I wanted to have. I was over men. I don’t give a shit about sex the way a man typically wants to have it. That’s part of why Addy was the one for me. I found someone with whom sex wasn’t centered on the male gaze. 

Addy: In the beginning, we also established that I’m not just a submissive but a masochist, and a pretty feminine person. While Leea is pretty feminine physically, she has more traditionally masculine aspects and aptitudes to her. Outside of this relationship, I’m brave, and I take care of tough things. But in this relationship, I find great comfort in being submissive to Leea.

Leea: It’s hard to remember specific conversations from that far back, but we still constantly discuss things, and the BDSM play we have today has evolved from the play we had 5, 10 years ago as we realize we like some things more or less than we did in the past and adjust.

Addy: For example, through exploration, we’ve found that medical play can be pretty cathartic for me—probably because of my history.

I’ve also experienced pretty severe depression for most of my life, and it’s very hard to get mental health help as an intersex person because not many people are qualified to help with the specific type of trauma you’ve been through. I’ve never found a therapist who’s capable of adequately addressing my trauma. But we’ve found that, when I’m in a depressive state, a caning can bring me right out of it. For example, a person I used to work with once asked me—right in front of Leea—“So if I pulled down your pants right now, what would I be looking at?” After that, I was not in a good place. But BDSM lifted up my dopamine or serotonin or something. Whatever it is, I don’t know. If we could get an MRI machine in here, that’d be interesting.

Leea: It’s really exciting as we explore more and more together. We’ve decided to dedicate this year to taking care of us, putting boundaries on who can come over to our place and when, so we can do things like exploring more BDSM play together. We want to go to more dungeons, too.

Ultimately, Addy being intersex doesn’t define anything in our relationship. It’s a part of who she is, and a part of what makes her the person I love. And because she works on intersex issues, it is something we’re always talking about. It plays a role in our life. But it isn’t who she is.

Addy: A lot of the people I’ve talked to who’ve really struggled are straight intersex people who live in a world where sex is all about a penis going into a vagina. A lot of intersex people have small penises, so living in a world full of comments insulting people for having small penises, where they learn that’s inherently bad and shameful, really sucks. For me and a lot of other intersex people who are queer, we’ve been forced to develop a wider vocabulary around sex.

Leea: The fact that we’re a queer couple has also, I think, given us more space to have conversations about things like the different kinds of sex we want to have. I feel really bad for a lot of straight couples because there isn’t a lot of space for conversations around what is good sex, how each partner is feeling, and what works and doesn’t work for them.

Addy: We have had to adapt our sex around the effects of the surgeries, and the effects of the stigma and shame I went through. But personally, I’ve never understood the idea in society that people should be ashamed of differences like this. I didn’t choose to be intersex or to be trans. So why should I be ashamed of those things? Or of being a submissive to, really, a goddess? Or for having done sex work? I don’t harm anyone. I work to make the world a better place.

I think my parents should be ashamed of how they treated me. The medical establishment should be ashamed. Society at large should be ashamed. I don’t see why I should carry shame.

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10 tips to support a kid exploring their gender identity

Experts aren’t exactly sure how gender identity develops but think it could include factors like genes and prenatal hormones.

by Alexandra Catherine Lee

  • Gender identity isn’t a choice — accepting your kid’s gender is the first step to supporting them.
  • You can also support your kid by using the right pronouns and making your home a safe space. 
  • New clothes, hairstyles, and room decor may also help your kid feel more comfortable as themselves.

It’s natural for kids to explore their identity and sense of self as they grow up. But a child just beginning to question their gender identity may feel alone, uncertain, and scared, especially if they don’t know how you’ll respond.

Transgender and gender non-conforming youth — or kids with a gender identity different from the sex assigned at birth — face plenty of obstacles that can cause emotional distress, including bullying and discrimination, isolation, and a lack of social support.

But evidence overwhelmingly suggests parental support can boost self-esteem, quality of life, and mental health for trans kids — and, most importantly, reduce their risk of suicide.

In short, if your kid knows you have their back, that you’ll love and support them no matter what, this can boost their resilience and help them thrive in the world at large.

Of course, you might feel wholeheartedly committed to accepting and embracing your child unconditionally but have no idea where to start — especially if you haven’t spent much time considering gender yourself.

Below, experts who specialize in gender identity and supporting LGBTQIA+ people share 10 important tips on how to support your child as they begin to discover who they truly are.

1. Read up on gender identity

Experts have a number of theories about how gender identity develops, including genes and prenatal hormones, but no single answer yet, according to Dr. Laura Erickson-Schroth, a psychiatrist and specialist in LGBTQIA+ mental health at The Jed Foundation.

They do know, however, that it’s not a choice, a mental health condition, or a sign of anything “wrong” with your child.

Kids begin to develop an understanding of gender between the ages of 18 and 24 months. In other words, they begin to get curious about patterns that help them understand gender.

For instance, boys may lean toward cars and trains, while girls may play with dolls and stuffed animals — especially when parents and siblings encourage these gender norms.

Around the ages of 6 to 8, kids start to become aware of the differences between their gender identity and biological sex.

“Those feelings on gender become more flexible and fluid with regards to likes and preferences,” says Alex Greenwald, a therapist at Empower your Mind Therapy.

So, if your child was assigned male at birth but wants to wear princess dresses and play with dolls at the age of 3, they may simply be trying out something new, or copying a friend or sibling.

But if your school-aged child prefers girls’ clothes and begins to use a female name, you may want to start a conversation about gender identity. You might, for instance:

  • Ask what they know about gender
  • Establish that sex and gender are two different concepts
  • Ask what their gender is
  • Avoid offering your own opinion on their gender or guiding them toward gender norms

2. Foster gender neutrality at home

Evidence suggests gender stereotypes — pink and dance class for girls, blue and soccer practice for boys, for instance — can limit your child’s development and even lead them to hide their true interests.

What’s more, two researchers who studied more than 100 children’s toys found that neutral and moderately gendered toys, like crayons, Play-Doh, blocks, and microscopes, were the most likely to promote healthy physical and cognitive development.

Instead of suggesting your kid should play with specific toys or wear certain clothes, Greenwald recommends creating a gender-neutral environment that avoids stereotypes. This means letting them play with whatever toys they like and wear the clothes they prefer — without making comments or criticizing their choices.

3. Establish a safe space for your child

Making your home a safe space can pave the way for open communication within your family, as kids who feel safe are more likely to talk to you honestly and believe you’ll listen without judgment.

Paying attention to your language can make a big difference here. So, you’ll want to steer clear of making comments like “That’s gay,” or “It’s just a phase,” according to Greenwald.

“Rather, encourage their gender exploration. This lets them know you’re there for them and that you support their developing identity,” Greenwald says.

You can affirm and encourage your child by:

  • Listening to how they’re feeling — without questioning their experiences.
  • Asking them what you can do to support them.
  • Making sure they know your family accepts all gender identities and sexual orientations.
  • Waiting until they come to you instead of pushing them to talk before they feel ready.

4. Know you can’t change their gender

The American Psychiatric Association and many other organizations have expressed strong disapproval for conversion therapy.

These harmful practices aim to “repair” gender identity — but not only do they not change gender, they can also cause lasting, major consequences, such as:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Substance use disorders
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Damaged family relationships

“Do not push your child to speak to religious leaders (or anyone) who has a fixed mindset about gender. Do not send your child to a camp to ‘change’ them,” says Bethany Cook, a clinical psychologist at Center on Halsted.

Trying to change your child sends the message there’s something wrong with them that needs to be fixed before you can fully love or accept them.

5. Use the correct pronouns

Your child may choose a different name and pronoun that better suits their gender.

“Parents should ask, ‘How would you like me to refer to you?’ or ‘What pronouns would you like me to use?’,” says Robert L. Johnson, counselor and director at The Dorm DC.

Just keep in mind it’s important to check with your kid before using these pronouns around extended family, friends, and other people in your life, according to Johnson.

Using the correct pronouns shows you respect your kid and acknowledge their identity — and research suggests trans youth feel both affirmed and validated when their parents use the correct pronouns and their chosen name.

A few more helpful tips:

  • Practice using the right pronouns even if they’re not around.
  • If you happen to misgender them, avoid making excuses or saying things like, “Oh, it’s just so hard to remember” or “You’ll always be my baby girl” or “I just can’t see you as a boy.” Simply apologize and correct yourself with the right pronoun.
  • Avoid over-apologizing, since this can make them feel uncomfortable and draw unwanted attention in public areas.
  • If someone else corrects you, avoid getting defensive. Instead, just thank them and then repeat yourself with the correct pronoun.

6. Examine your gender biases

Before talking to a child or teen questioning their gender, it may be worth taking some time to reflect on the gender stereotypes in your social circle.

Stereotypes set a “standard” your child may feel pressured to achieve, which can make it harder for them to show their authentic self.

For example:

  • Expecting boys to be aggressive and tough may prevent them from expressing their emotions.
  • Expecting girls to be feminine and graceful may discourage them from displaying their strength or participating in sports.

Paying attention to the words you and others assign to describe stereotypical gender roles, like “manly,” “tough,” “weak,” or “gentle” can help you:  

  • Dig deeper into unconscious biases, like the idea that girls should be quiet and calm
  • Avoid making assumptions about gender
  • Broaden your understanding about your child’s gender, and gender identity in general

7. Support self-expression

Gender exploration gives your kid a chance to experiment with what makes them feel comfortable.

Trying out new colors and styles, for example, can help them get a sense of their likes and dislikes as they begin to establish their identity. 

You can support them by:

  • Taking them shopping: “Go shopping with them and let them have fun in the dressing room with you trying on whatever they want to,” Cook suggests. 
  • Helping them change up their style: “Ask them if they’d like a haircut. Sometimes a haircut or different style can help in the exploration process,” Cook says.
  • Offer a room makeover: You can also offer to help them change their room decoration, or switch up accessories like lamps and curtains by letting them buy new items that more accurately represent their gender.

8. Expose them to LGBTQIA+ representation

Positive LGBTQIA+ representation in the media can help your kid find a character they identify with, which may:

  • Validate their experiences
  • Foster confidence
  • Help them realize they belong in society

“Talk openly about TV shows and movies that depict LGBTQIA+ characters. Bring up political and social issues affecting people from different backgrounds, including LGBTQIA+ people,” Erickson-Schroth recommends.

Just keep in mind that a well-represented LGBTQIA+ narrative will avoid tokenization, which happens when a show features LGBTQIA+ characters, like a gay best friend, simply for diversity without fleshing out the character adequately.

Tokenization can do more harm than good when it reinforces negative stereotypes or portrays LGBTQIA+ characters in a negative light.

Real representation, however, embraces a character’s complexity.

A few shows to try with your kid or teen:

  • She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
  • The Owl House
  • I Am Jazz
  • Star Trek: Prodigy
  • Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts
  • First Day

9. Connect them to support groups

If your child wants to meet more LGBTQIA+ peers, they might find it helpful to join a youth group.

Erickson-Schroth says you can start by:

  • Searching for groups in your city
  • Trying an online group if you can’t find a local in-person option
  • Consider a summer camp for LGBTQIA+ youth
  • Ask a therapist or school guidance counselor for a referral

1o. Help them find a supportive mental health professional

You may not feel able to answer every question your child has — but that’s OK.

A therapist who specializes in gender and identity can provide affirmation and space for exploration, along with support helping you and your child prepare for their future, Erickson-Schroth says.

If your child seems reluctant to try therapy, it may help to explain some of the benefits of working with a therapist. For instance, a therapist can:

  • Offer support for mental health symptoms like anxiety or depression.
  • Help your child process their experiences and explore any changes they’d like to make to express their gender.
  • Offer support with finding gender-affirming care if your child chooses to begin social or medical transition.

Helpful resources for finding gender-affirming therapists and organizations include:

Insider’s takeaway

As your child begins to explore their gender identity, celebrating them as they are and nurturing them with unconditional love and support can do a lot of good — both for their well-being and your relationship.

Don’t hesitate to seek out helpful resources and connect with other parents for more support. Keep in mind, too, that a therapist can offer more guidance with knowing what to say and processing your own feelings.

“Loving and supporting your child doesn’t mean you can’t grieve any losses you may feel about the change. Just be aware that this is a process for you, not for your child to guide you through,” Cook says.

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What does it mean to be intersex?

by Jayne Leonard

“Intersex” is the term that a person may use when they have both male and female sex characteristics. These characteristics include genitalia, hormones, chromosomes, and reproductive organs.

Being intersex is not a disease. It is a naturally occurring variation in humans. Likewise, being intersex does not affect an infant’s physical health, though it may cause complications as time goes on, including potential issues with fertility.

This article will explore what it means to be intersex, including its relationship with sexuality and identity.

Intersex is an umbrella term that describes differences in sex characteristics that do not fit the typically binary idea of male or female. Sex characteristics include genitals, hormones, and chromosome patterns.

There are many ways that a person can be intersex. The organization Intersex Human Rights Australia state that there are at least 40 different intersex variations.

Some intersex traits may be visible at birth, while others may not appear until the person reaches puberty. In some cases, a person may never know that they are intersex.

According to some estimates, up to 1.7% of the population has intersex traits. This is comparable with the number of people who have red hair.

Some people may also refer to someone who is intersex as having differences in sex development.

One 2020 study indicates that intersex people may show a range of gender identities. Gender identity refers to the personal sense of an individual’s gender regardless of their sex.

A 2015 Australian survey reports a similar finding, with 75% of intersex respondents identifying their gender as either “male” or “female” and the remaining 25% choosing a variety of other options, including intersex. It was possible for respondents to choose multiple options.

Intersex is not the same as nonbinary, wherein people do not identify exclusively as a man or a woman.

The National Center for Transgender Equality explain that nonbinary people are usually not intersex. They typically have either male or female sex characteristics, but they do not see their gender identity as being either a man or a woman.

Intersex is also not the same as transgender, wherein a person’s gender identity may differ from the traditional expectations of the sex a doctor assigned them at birth.

Some intersex people may describe themselves as being transgender or nonbinary, however.

How to identify

Doctors will always assign intersex infants a legal sex. In most of the United States, this will be male or female. However, this does not have to influence a person’s gender identity.

People can self-identify as another gender and choose to live according to this gender. Some may identify as nonbinary and have multiple genders or no gender, while others may move between genders or consider themselves other-gendered.

It should be the person’s choice as to which gender they identify with. They should not feel that they must adhere to the gender typically associated with the sex a doctor or family assigned them at birth or to the gender that society may assign them based on their appearance or anatomy.

Sometimes, it is obvious that an infant is intersex. An intersex infant may have:

  • no vaginal opening
  • labia that do not open
  • a penis without a urethral opening
  • a smaller penis than expected
  • a larger clitoris than expected
  • outwardly male or female genitalia but the internal anatomy of the other sex

Other times, it may only become apparent that someone is intersex during puberty, when they do not reach the expected milestones for their sex due to hormonal differences.

In other cases, a person may not discover that they are intersex until adulthood. For example, some may find out when they are trying to conceive, while others may find out during an unrelated medical procedure.

When an infant is born intersex, doctors and the infant’s parents will often decide to “assign” the infant a sex and raise them according to the gender norms associated with that sex.

Doctors may sometimes perform surgery on the infant’s genitals, but most medical organizations now consider this unacceptable. Some may also prescribe hormone treatments during puberty, but this is also seen as unacceptable.

The aim of these treatments has typically been to make the infant better “fit” into either the male or female category.

However, there is a growing movement that aims to change how medical professionals, parents, and others view intersex people. As it is not a disease, many believe that intersex does not require treatment.

Amnesty International, the United Nations, and intersex advocacy groups are all highlighting concerns associated with performing medically unnecessary surgeries and treatments on infants and young children who cannot make their own decisions.

Instead, these groups advocate for intersex people to be able to make their own decisions about treatment when they are older.

Occasionally, however, children and young adults may need treatment for health conditions associated with having intersex anatomy. It is, therefore, important to distinguish between interventions that are medically necessary and those that are not.

Sexuality refers to a person’s sexual feelings, thoughts, and behaviors toward others.

There are several types of sexuality, including heterosexual, homosexual, and pansexual, among others. Some individuals may prefer not to use any labels to describe their sexuality.

Sexuality is independent of a person’s physical anatomy or gender identity. Research involving intersex people shows no correlation between sexuality and gender identity, just as there is no correlation among those who are not intersex.

In the 2015 Australian survey, 48% of respondents identified as heterosexual, 22% identified as bisexual, and 18% identified as homosexual.

Sometimes, an intersex person will have male or female reproductive organs and genitals but have chromosomes typically associated with the other sex.

Other people may have various combinations of chromosomes that are different from the typically male chromosomes (XY) or the typically female chromosomes (XX).

Some conditions that may affect chromosomes and can cause intersex anatomy include Klinefelter syndrome and Turner syndrome.

Klinefelter syndrome occurs when a person is born with an extra copy of the X chromosome (XXY). People with this condition may have smaller testicles than expected, lower testosterone levels, reduced muscle mass, and enlarged breast tissue.

Turner syndrome occurs when a person is born with a missing or partially missing X chromosome. It can cause a variety of issues, including ovarian failure, heart defects, and slowed growth.

It is important to note that a person’s chromosomal makeup does not have to define their gender identity. People should support those with intersex characteristics and encourage them to choose their own gender identity.

The following are some frequently asked questions about intersex.

Is the term ‘hermaphrodite’ offensive?

InterACT, the advocacy group for intersex youth, advise that people should never use the term hermaphrodite to describe an intersex person.

Many intersex people consider it a slur, though some may choose to reclaim the word.

Is intersex the same as ambiguous genitalia?

No, it is not the same thing. Some intersex people have typically male or typically female genitalia, yet their hormones or chromosomes may more closely align with the other sex.

Some intersex people may not like the term ambiguous genitalia, as they do not feel that there is anything ambiguous about their genitalia.

Do intersex people need treatment or surgery?

No. Being intersex is not a disease. Therefore, it does not require treatment.

However, some people may choose to undergo surgery to get genitalia that correspond with those typically associated with their gender identity. Others may require medical intervention due to complications that arise from having intersex genitalia, such as difficulty urinating.

How and why do people assign sex at birth?

Most countries and states in the U.S. require doctors to assign infants a sex (typically male or female) at birth. However, this is something that people may be able to change later on.

Doctors and families may believe that performing surgery at birth may make life easier, both medically and socially, for the infant as they grow up. However, this can lead to issues later in life, especially if the person later identifies as another gender.

Can intersex people have children or get pregnant?

Some intersex people can reproduce, but others cannot. Some may be able to with the help of in vitro fertilization. It depends on the individual, their anatomy, and their hormones.

According to InterACT, many intersex variations do cause infertility, but not all do.

Are there support groups for intersex people?

There are intersex support groups in various states and countries. There are also online forums and groups for intersex people. InterACT maintain a list of intersex support and advocacy groups here.

The term intersex describes a range of bodily variations that do not fit into conventional definitions of male or female. People with intersex traits may identify with a range of genders and sexualities, just as non-intersex people do.

Being intersex is not a disease, and it does not require treatment unless complications arise.

Support and advocacy groups for those who are intersex and those who have intersex children can help people navigate the challenges of being intersex and connect with other intersex people.

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What Is Gender Non-Conforming?

People Whose Gender Presentation Defies Expectations

By Elizabeth Boskey, PhD

A person is considered to be gender non-conforming if their appearance or behavior is not what would be expected for someone else with their same gender or sex. Not every person who is gender non-conforming is transgender or gender diverse, although the two groups are often combined.

People can be cisgender and gender non-conforming. Similarly, many transgender people are highly gender conforming, if given the opportunity to affirm their gender identity socially, medically, and/or surgically.

Identity vs. Perception

People are transgender or gender diverse if their gender identity is not what would be expected for their assigned sex at birth. Their gender identity describes who they are and how they see themselves.

People are gender non-conforming if the way that they present themselves is not what would be expected for someone of their gender or assigned sex at birth. It’s about how they present themselves to the world and/or how they are perceived.

Some people are both gender diverse and gender non-conforming, and some are one but not the other. Sometimes, transgender individuals present as gender non-conforming until they have the opportunity to affirm their gender. Once they have gone through a process of gender affirmation, they may or may not be gender non-conforming any longer.

The Meaning of Gender Non-Conforming

What it means to be gender non-conforming varies across time, place, and culture. A man in a skirt may be seen as gender non-conforming by some and wearing traditional garb by others. A woman with short hair may be seen as chic and fashionable or a terrifying invader into feminine space.1

Gender non-conformity is culturally constructed and, depending on the culture and type of non-conformity, may be perceived in positive or negative ways.

Gender Non-Conformity in Childhood

Much of the confusion about how many gender diverse children grow up to be transgender adults reflects misunderstanding of early studies of gender identity in children. Early studies often examined whether children were gender non-conforming rather than whether they met (modern or past) criteria for being considered transgender.

Children who are gender non-conforming will not necessarily grow up to be transgender. Many of them grow up to be gay or lesbian. Others grow up to be cisgender and heterosexual.

However, children who are insistent that they are a gender other than that associated with their assigned sex, and who are persistent in that belief, are highly likely to grow up to be transgender adults. This is in contrast to children who wish they were the other gender, who are less likely to have a transgender identity in adulthood.

Another way to think of this is that the children first group are worried about how they fit in their bodies, whereas the those in the esecond group are concerned about how they fit in the world.

Many children in the second group may grow up to be part of a sexual minority group—gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. It is thought that, for some children, gender variance could be a reflection of subconscious assumptions about social roles in the context of attraction.

The association of gender variance with sexual minority status, both in real life and in media , may also provide additional reasons why so many gender non-congruent children experience bullying and discrimination.

Measuring Childhood Gender Conformity

There are a number of different scales that scientists use to measure childhood gender conformity. In general, these scales seek to categorize whether children behave in male-typical or female-typical ways, and whether those behaviors are what would be expected for a child of that recorded sex at birth.

By definition, such scales must make assumptions about what is male-typical and what is female-typical. This can be highly problematic for children who are raised outside of mainstream expectations for gender roles, although such children are also less likely to be in environments where the adults surrounding them are concerned about any gender atypicality.

Gender Non-Conforming Discrimination

The vast majority of children in the United States are taught about traditional gender roles and have heard negative opinions about people who do not conform to them.

This may contribute to beliefs that it is acceptable to bully or mistreat individuals who are gender non-conforming, even among individuals who have been bullied or mistreated for some level of gender non-conformity. That is why it is important to empower educators to discuss and normalize gender non-conformity from an early age.

Research suggests that gender non-conforming youth may be more likely to experience abuse and other adverse childhood events (ACEs).7 Numerous studies have also shown that gender non-conforming people of all ages are at increased risk of bullying, stigma, and discrimination.

Heterosexism and heteronormativity are thought to drive much of the discrimination against people who do not conform to traditional gender roles. Bullying directed at gender non-conforming people is often because of assumptions that they are sexual or gender minorities. and serves to reinforce social norms about gender and sexuality.8 The acceptance of such abuse has therefore been compared to the acceptance of racialized assault, or lynching.

Gender nonconformity is not a medical issue. However, exposure to bullying and discrimination is associated with an increased risk of both physical and mental health concerns.

This can be explained by the minority stress model, which looks at how being part of a stigmatized group can impact different aspects of health and well-being. Gender atypicality has also been shown to be associated with social anxiety, possibly because of the ways that social interactions have been experienced in the past.

A Word From Verywell

There is nothing wrong with being gender non-conforming. Gender role expectations are largely artificial and rely on problematic assumptions of gender essentialism.

They have also been shown to cause problems to all sorts of people, from those who are gender non-conforming to those who are trying very hard to conform to masculine expectations. A broadening of social norms to embrace a wider range of variation in gender roles, behaviors, and presentations has the potential to benefit everybody.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Our Skeletons Say About the Sex Binary

Society increasingly accepts gender identity as existing along a spectrum. The study of people, and their remains, shows that sex should be viewed the same way.

Stanislawa Walasiewicz won the gold for Poland in the women’s 100-meter dash at the 1932 Olympic Games. Upon her death, an autopsy revealed that she had intersex traits.

By

She wasn’t especially tall. Her testosterone levels weren’t unusually high for a woman. She was externally entirely female. But in the mid-1980s, when her chromosome results came back as XY instead of the “normal” XX for a woman, the Spanish national team ousted hurdler María José Martínez-Patiño. She was ejected from the Olympic residence and deserted by her teammates, friends, and boyfriend. She lost her records and medals because of a genetic mutation that wasn’t proven to give her any competitive advantage.

People like Martínez-Patiño have been ill-served by rules that draw a hard line between the sexes. In the U.S., the Trump administration looks set to make things worse. According to a memo leaked to The New York Times in October, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is trying to set up a legal binary definition of sex, establishing each person “as male or female based on immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth.” But our bodies are more complicated than that.

An increasing recognition of this complexity by researchers and the public has affirmed that gender sits on a spectrum: People are more and more willing to acknowledge the reality of nonbinary and transgender identities, and to support those who courageously fight for their rights in everything from all-gender bathrooms to anti-gender-discrimination laws. But underlying all of this is the perception that no matter the gender a person identifies as, they have an underlying sex they were born with. This represents a fundamental misunderstanding about the nature of biological sex. Science keeps showing us that sex also doesn’t fit in a binary, whether it be determined by genitals, chromosomes, hormones, or bones (which are the subject of my research).

The perception of a hard-and-fast separation between the sexes started to disintegrate during the second wave of feminism in the 1970s and 1980s. In the decades that followed, we learned that about 1.7 percent of babies are born with intersex traits; that behavior, body shape, and size overlap significantly between the sexes, and both men and women have the same circulating hormones; and that there is nothing inherently female about the X chromosome. Biological realities are complicated. People living their lives as women can be found, even late in life, to be XXY or XY.

Skeletal studies, the field that I work in as a doctoral student in anthropology, and the history of this field show how our society’s assumptions about sex can lead to profound mistakes, and how acknowledging that things are not really as binary as they may seem can help to resolve those errors. Trump and his advisers should take note.

If you’ve ever watched the TV series Bones, you’ve heard Temperance “Bones” Brennan, the show’s protagonist and star forensic anthropologist, call out to her colleagues whether the skeleton she’s analyzing is male or female. That’s because sex distinctions are very helpful to know for missing persons and archaeological sites alike. But just how easy is it to make this determination?

In the early 1900s, the U.S.-based anthropologist Aleš Hrdlička helped to found the modern study of human bones. He served as the first curator of physical anthropology at the U.S. National Museum (now the Smithsonian Institution). The skeletons Hrdlička studied were categorized as either male or female, seemingly without exception. He was not the only one who thought sex fell into two distinct categories that did not overlap. Scientists Fred P. Thieme and William J. Schull of the University of Michigan wrote about sexing a skeleton in 1957: “Sex, unlike most phenotypic features in which man varies, is not continuously variable but is expressed in a clear bimodal distribution.” Identifying the sex of a skeleton relies most heavily on the pelvis (for example, females more often have a distinctive bony groove), but it also depends on the general assumption that larger or more marked traits are male, including larger skulls and sizable rough places where muscle attaches to bone. This idea of a distinct binary system for skeletal sex pervaded—and warped—the historical records for decades.

Two pelvises with drastically exaggerated differences—a man’s shown on the left and a woman’s on the right (identified in Lithuanian)—illustrate how sex was estimated skeletally in the early 1900s

In 1972, Kenneth Weiss, now a professor emeritus of anthropology and genetics at Pennsylvania State University, noticed that there were about 12 percent more male skeletons than females reported at archaeological sites. This seemed odd, since the proportion of men to women should have been about half and half. The reason for the bias, Weiss concluded, was an “irresistible temptation in many cases to call doubtful specimens male.” For example, a particularly tall, narrow-hipped woman might be mistakenly cataloged as a man. After Weiss published about this male bias, research practices began to change. In 1993, 21 years later, the aptly named Karen Bone, then a master’s student at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, examined a more recent dataset and found that the bias had declined: The ratio of male to female skeletons had balanced out. In part that might be because of better, more accurate ways of sexing skeletons. But also, when I went back through the papers Bone cited, I noticed there were more individuals categorized as “indeterminate” after 1972 and basically none prior.

Allowing skeletons to remain unsexed, or “indeterminate,” reflects an acceptance of the variability and overlap between the sexes. It does not necessarily mean that the skeletons classified this way are, in fact, neither male nor female, but it does mean that there is no clear or easy way to tell the difference. As science and social change in the 1970s and 1980s revealed that sex is complicated, the category of “indeterminate sex” individuals in skeletal research became more common and improved scientific accuracy.

For generations, the false perception that there are two distinct biological sexes has had many negative indirect effects. It has muddied historical archaeological records, and it has caused humiliation for athletes around the globe who are closely scrutinized. In the mid-1940s, female Olympic athletes went through a degrading process of having their genitals inspected to receive “femininity certificates.” This was replaced by chromosome testing in the late 1960s and subsequently, hormone testing. But instead of rooting out imposters, these tests just illustrated the complexity of human sex.

It might be more convenient for the U.S. federal government to have a binary system for determining legal sex; many U.S. laws and customs are built on this assumption. But just because it’s a convenient system of classification doesn’t mean it’s right. Some countries, such as Canada, and some states in the U.S., including Oregon, now allow people to declare a nonbinary gender identity on their driver’s license or other identification documents. In a world where it is apparently debatable whether anti-discrimination laws apply to sex or gender, it is a step in the wrong direction to be writing either one into law as a strictly binary phenomenon.

The famous cases of strong, athletic, and audacious female athletes who have had their careers derailed by the Olympic “gender tests” exemplify how misguided it is to classify sex or gender as binary. These women are, like all of us, part of a sex spectrum, not a sex binary. The more we as a society recognize that, the less we will humiliate and unnecessarily scrutinize people—and the less discriminatory our world will be.

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Gender Glossary: Understanding ‘Intersex’ Beyond the Binary

By Harish Iyer

[8] November is designated as the day where we show solidarity and ensure that we educate ourselves about the intersex community. 8 November is the birthday of Herculin Barbin a french intersex person, who was brought up as a girl, but in adulthood discovered that she has a vagina but also a small penis. She thought she was being punished and ended up committing suicide after writing a memoir, which is, a living document of what it meant to be intersex in the mid 1800s.

As a person from the LGBTIQ community, it is important that we address the I in LGBTIQ. To address that, we need to understand what intersex really means. This is because much of our discrimination is borne out of misinformation or lack of knowledge. In a world where we view everything in binaries, to let people know that there are sexes beyond male and female would need an open mind. But do we understand the binaries well either?

Did You Know: Bisexuals are capable of having romantic feelings with people regardless of gender.

Before we even get to intersex, it is important to understand the difference between sex, gender and sexuality. Let me try simplifying this with the least amount of jargon.

Speaking of sex, I remember the joke way back in school, where we used to giggle whenever we saw “sex” written in any form as we thought the response should be “2 times in a day”. But sex in every context is not the act of sexual intercourse. The most easy and explicit way that I could explain is that sex is between your legs, it is determined by the presence or absence of an organ like a penis or vagina. If you have a penis you get classified as male, if you have a vagina you get classified as female.

Gender is a social construct. It is in your mind and heart and is not determined by the presence or absence of a body organ. One could be a female and identify as female, or be a male and identify as a male. However, you could also be a male (with a penis) but identify as a female, or be a female (with a vagina) and identify as a male. What you identify as, is what we call – “gender identity”.  It is also known as “transgender”.

Segregation of gender would directly detriment a culture of empathy and mutual respect.

Also, when we say gender is a social construct, it could mean that it may take time for people to realise their gender expression. Because of the fact that the society puts people in specific gender roles, it becomes difficult for people to express that they actually are a man but from within they feel they are a woman or the vice versa. It could mean that they wish to identify as gender-queer or transgender.

Like, I am a male and till a few years back I thought my gender was male. But I am realising that my gender expression is more feminine, which could mean that I could identify as gender-queer in coming years.

The bottom-line is that my gender is what I tell you my gender is. My gender is not what you think my gender is.

One could go on and on about gender, sex and sexuality. Now that we have some basic knowledge about sex and gender. Let us understand intersex.

One could go on and on about gender, sex and sexuality. Now that we have some basic knowledge about sex and gender. Let us understand intersex.

Intersex persons are people who are born with a sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit into definitions of sex of male or female in terms of anatomy. A person may be born with a penis and with a depression that leads to a labia. Or a person could be born with a vagina and may have a small penis.

It is rude and incorrect to classify intersex persons as “in-betweens” or “abnormal” people. It is however not rude to state that intersex persons are different.

There is a huge confusion among most people about intersex persons and hijras. Hijras are a community of transgender persons who live together and have their own social and religious practices. They are mainly male persons who have a female gender expression. They may or may not have undergone a sexual re-assignment surgery to align their sex with the gender that they identify with. Hijras could be intersex people too. However, all intersex people are not Hijras.

There is a myth that hijras pick up children with ambiguous gender when they come to bless newborns. In a world where the girl child is drowned and killed at birth, it is not hard to imagine that a child with ambiguous gender is despised and also killed in some cases. Hijras are believed to offer to adopt such children. There is very little research on this. Much of these are myths propagated by folklore and incredibly stupid television serials who’re feeding on such myths and increasing the confusion between our understanding of intersex persons and hijras.

How do you identify if a person is intersex? You will not be able to tell. And you don’t need to identify them. They will tell you if they feel like telling you. It is polite to ask everyone what gender pronoun they would prefer and address them that way.

Didn’t I say, gender is something that people tell you? It is not just he/she or him/her, some could say that they prefer a collective pronoun “they or their” or “ze or hir” as gender neutral pronouns. So the pronouns in short are he/she/ze/ they or him/her/hir/their. Ask, don’t assume such things.

There are very few people in India who are intersex and openly identify as one.  One of my friends, Gopi Shankar is an intersex person who founded an organisation called Srushti Madurai. I used to always refer to Gopi as “he” as his gender expression, I assumed is Male and so did many journalists. Until recently when I discovered that he is intersex and prefers pronoun “ze”.

Ze contested elections in the Tamil Nadu Legistlative assembly in 2016 and has also won a lot of awards and accolades for hir work in the domain of gender and sexuality especially in Madurai, Tamil Nadu.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!