Category: Gender Concerns

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10 Things I know about … Gender

By Sarah Gustafson

10) Sex, sexuality, and gender are terms often used interchangeably. However, they are three distinct facets of who we are.

9) Gender identity can change throughout a lifetime. According to the Irregular Report 2 Fluidity, almost a quarter of the Gen Z population expects to change their gender as least once during their lifetime.

8) Many other countries have more than two gender identities. In the U.S., gender has traditionally been thought of in the binary, i.e. man and woman. Other countries and cultures have other options such as two-spirit and hijras reflecting a broader, more nuanced representation of gender.

7) A person’s gender can differ from or correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth.

6) Identity is one aspect of our gender. Gender identities can typically be categorized by binary, non-binary, and ungendered.

5) Gender has social aspects to it. Social gender includes roles and expectations and how society uses those to try to enforce conformity to current gender norms.

4) Understand your own gender story. Our gender is personal because while we share some of these aspects of self with others, how these identities, influences, and characteristics come together is unique to each of us.

3) Understanding gender is smart business. Consumers and employees are living in a gender-diverse world. Companies need to be able to adapt and think outside the binary world to not alienate their target audiences.

2) What companies can do. Start by looking at process, systems, and people. Recognize where gender is being asked for and not needed, or where gender is being asked for using sex identifiers.

1) Gender is evolving. This is a complex and ever-changing topic. Establish a common language framework for your company and employees to work within. Give yourself and others compassion as we work towards meeting the humans in our lives where they are.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What It Means To Be Bigender

— Signs, Relation To Other Identities & More

By Kesiena Boom, M.S.

There are many different genders and gender identities beyond the binary of man and woman. Under the umbrella of transgender, the identity of bigender describes a person who has two distinct gender identities.

A bigender person is a person with two distinct gender identities, which they either experience alternately or simultaneously. For example, a bigender person could be a man and a woman, or a woman and agender.

According to sex therapist Aliyah Moore, Ph.D., a common misconception about bigender people is that they necessarily must have two genders which are somehow “opposites” on the gender spectrum, but this is not the case for everyone.

Bigender is a transgender identity, in that it describes someone whose gender does not align with the one that they were assigned at birth. A bigender person is also, more specifically, nonbinary. This means that their gender identity does not fit neatly into one of the two binary genders of man or woman.

History of the term.

The term bigender began to be used around the 1980s and became more solidified in the LGBTQ community through its popularization on the microblogging site Tumblr during the 2010s. Through Tumblr, bigender identity gained a pride flag, for example.

Today, bigender is offered as one of the gender options on Facebook, and there are a small handful of notable, out bigender people in the public eye, including the writers R.B. Lemberg and James-Beth Merritt, the latter of whom wrote a memoir about living life as a bigender person.

Signs you could be bigender.

While there are some things that might unite bigender people, Moore is careful to stress that there is no one way to be bigender, and therefore it can look different for everyone. “There’s no right or wrong in how a bigender individual expresses their gender identity,” she says. With that being said, here are some things that can be useful to look out for:

1. You feel like your gender identity doesn’t fit into a neat box.

Bigender people may initially experience feelings of confusion around their gender, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW. “You may feel misunderstood, confused, alone. You may not know the best label to describe your inner experience.”

You might have very strong feelings of womanhood for a while, which then switch over to equally strong feelings of manhood, and then back again. You might even find that your feelings of womanhood are weaker or less frequent than your feelings of manhood, or vice versa, which can further confuse you. This could be a sign of being bigender. You may even feel periods when you have no strong sense of gender identity, while sometimes you feel very connected with being a man, woman, or another gender identity.

2. You might feel discomfort in your body.

Gender dysphoria—which is a sense of incongruence, distress, and discomfort between your body and your sense of gender identity—can be a feature of being bigender, says Brito. It can be especially difficult if your two gender identities have markedly different expressions. (That said, not all bigender people experience gender dysphoria!)

3. You want to express yourself in many ways.

Moore suggests that you may want to “dress up in both feminine and masculine ways simultaneously” and express yourself in ways that point to masculinity and femininity through hair, makeup, and body modifications. Alternatively, she says, you might want to stick to what might be perceived as a decidedly neutral gender expression and even feel more comfortable using neutral pronouns such as they/them/theirs or neo-pronouns such as xe/xem/xyr.

How is bigender related to other sexual and gender identities?

People often confuse bigender with other identities related to sexuality and gender. Here we lay out the differences between some commonly mixed-up terms.

Bigender vs. genderfluid

There are certainly similarities between being bigender and genderfluid. A person may even identify as both bigender and genderfluid. Genderfluid usually refers to someone whose sense of gender fluctuates and moves between at least two different identities (rather than only two, as is the case for a bigender person).

Like a bigender person, a genderfluid person may also feel that they can experience their different gender identities alternately or simultaneously. However, while a genderfluid person may identify with a new gender regularly, a bigender person feels statically attached specifically to their two genders.

Bigender vs. nonbinary

There is a crossover between bigender and nonbinary because bigender is essentially a nonbinary gender identity. That is, it is a gender identity that doesn’t fit neatly into the cisgender binary of man or woman.

Someone can be nonbinary and not be bigender, however. People who are nonbinary can describe themselves as having a gender identity that is “beyond” the categories of man and woman, or as being “between” or a mix of the categories of man and woman. They may not see themselves as having two distinct genders, as a bigender person might.

Bigender vs. bisexual

“A lot of people confuse bigender with bisexuality,” says Moore. Bigender is a gender identity, but bisexuality is a sexual orientation. Gender has to do with who you are, whereas sexual orientation has to do with who you’re attracted to. To be bisexual means to be someone who can experience romantic and/or sexual attraction to people of more than one gender.

How to support a bigender loved one:

1. Don’t assume anything.

Since there is no one way to be bigender, there is no way to “know” everything about someone else’s sense of themselves. For example, it’s very important to ask your loved one how they want to be referred to instead of just assuming they will change their pronouns.

2. Respect their right to peace.

Don’t badger your friend, lover, or family member to serve as a sounding board for all and every thought and idea you might have about gender expansiveness. “It’s not your bigender loved one’s obligation to come out to or educate people around them if they don’t feel like it,” says Moore.

A little education on your own can go a long way when used in conjunction with respectful and pertinent questions. (Think “Would you like me to correct people when they misgender you?” instead of “So, does this mean you’re going to get genital surgery?”)

3. Show respect.

Whenever someone opens up to you about their bigenderness, Moore says it’s a big deal that they’ve trusted you. Pay them back the same kindness by not questioning or invalidating their sense of themselves. “Don’t shame them,” Brito adds. The support of one’s nearests and dearests is instrumental in fostering a stable and secure life.

4. Be an ally even when they’re not around.

Don’t let it slide if you hear people making jokes about trans or nonbinary people. You don’t need to out your loved one in order to say, “That’s not funny or acceptable.”

Whether you think you might be bigender or want to support someone who is, the best thing to remember is that everyone’s gender identities are important and deserve respect and space to be explored.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Does Cisgender Mean, Exactly?

Gender therapists and educators break things down.

By Gabrielle Kassel

Whether you heard the term ‘cisgender’ flung around on Vaderpump Rules, at your last doctor’s appointment, or on social media and are wondering WTH the word means, you can quit looking for your answer because it’s here.

Below, three gender therapists and educators explain what ‘cisgender’ means and how it differs from ‘transgender’ and ‘non-binary.’ Plus, they share tips for exploring your own gender, which (spoiler alert!) they recommend everybody try!

Cisgender, A Definition

Put simply, cisgender is a word for someone’s gender aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth, explains Jesse Kahn, L.C.S.W., C.S.T., director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in NYC. Important: Cisgender is an adjective, not a noun, they say. Meaning, someone is not ‘a cisgender’. They’re a cisgender man, cisgender woman, or cisgender person.

Confuzzled by some of the terms in the above definition? Let’s clarify. Gender refers to a set of behaviors, interests, and roles that society uses to put you in the “woman”, “man”, “non-binary” or “other gender” box. Basically, gender is the way a person moves through the world, and what they wear as they do it.

Also known as someone’s natal sex, sex assigned at birth is a label given to newborns (and sometimes fetuses) based on factors like hormones, genitals, and chromosomes. Doctors use this info to put ‘male’ or ‘female’ on the birth certificate.

(Worth knowing: About one percent of people are born intersex, meaning they have sex characteristics that do not neatly nearly into neither the male or female box, says Rae McDaniel, a non-binary licensed clinical counselor and gender and sex therapist based in Chicago. Sadly, most doctors wait to fill out the birth certificate until the newborn has undergone treatments that force them into one of two categories).

Someone is cisgender when they are man and were assigned male at birth (AMAB), or when they are a woman and were assigned female at birth (AFAB).

Cisgender vs. Transgender

Transgender is the word used when someone’s gender does not align with their assigned sex at birth. “The prefix ‘trans’ means on the other side of,” explains McDaniel. So someone is transgender if they have a gender that is on a different side of their sex assigned at birth, they say.

Need some examples? Think about trans-celebrity Elliot Page, who was assigned female at birth and is a man. Or Laverne Cox who was assigned male at birth and is a woman!

For the record: Both of these Netflix stars are what would be considered binary trans people. “Someone whose gender is not aligned with their sex assigned at birth and does fit neatly into the ‘man’ or ‘woman’ box is a binary trans person,” explains McDaniel.

Someone whose gender is not aligned with their sex assigned at birth and does not fit neatly into those boxes — for instance, is non-binary, agender, genderqueer, to name just a few non-binary trans identities — is known as a non-binary trans person, they say. (Think: Demi Lovato or Jonathan Van Ness). The more you know!

How Do I Know If I Am Cisgender?

“You are cisgender if your gender correlates to the sex you were assigned at birth, and gender your parents assumed you were and raised you are,” says Kahn. “For example, if when you were born and the doctors were like “it’s a girl!” and you grow up to be a woman, you’re cisgender,” he says.

According to pleasure-based, queer- and polyamory- inclusive sex educator and sex-positivity advocate Lateef Taylor, most cisgender folks never ever question their gender. So if you’ve never thought, “Wait, am I actually a girl??” or felt like your gender was a too-tight pair of jeans, odds are you are cisgender. (Yes, even if you’ve never heard this identity term until now!).

If, however, you don’t feel like the gender you’ve been living in is the “right” gender, you may not be cisgender. In this instance, Kahn notes that there are a variety of words you might use to name your lived experience and gender. Including non-binary, transgender, non-binary and transgender, or any other gender identity term.

4 Tips For Exploring Your Gender

“Critically exploring your gender, and questioning how you want to dress and express yourselves is beneficial to everyone,” says McDaniel. So no, these tips aren’t just for non-binary and transgender folks!

“Doing so can help people across the gender spectrum experience a kind of gender freedom,” they say.

1. Give yourself a Gender 101 course.

“Start by educating yourself on what gender is, various gender terms such as non-binary and transgender, and what the differences are between things like gender identity and gender presentation,” suggests Kahn. The Gender Reveal, En(ba)by, and Queery podcasts are all good sources for this.

(FTR: Gender presentation and gender expression encompasses things like how you dress, act, talk, and walk and it does not have to match your gender identity).

2. Interrogate your own preconceived notions.

Beyond just educating yourself on the terminology, “it’s important to also reflect on your familiarity with, relationship to, and underlying judgments and assumptions of the people and communities that embody these identities, expressions, and experiences,” says Kahn.

While we all have judgments, and it’s OK that we do, he says, “we do need to be aware of and work to unlearn, not perpetuate, those judgments.”

One way to unlearn those judgments is by following people across the gender spectrum on Instagram. Another way is to consume memoirs by non-binary, transgender, and gender non-conforming folx. I recommend starting with Amateur by Thomas Page McBee and Sissy by Jacob Tobia.

3. Do some deep thinking.

Better yet, grab a journal. Then, Khan suggests jotting down thoughts on questions like: What does gender mean to me? How might I describe my gender? What words resonate for me? What’s my gender presentation and how does that differ or feel aligned with my gender?

4. Focus on what brings you gender joy.

Often, says McDaniel, when people talk about how to explore your gender there’s a lot of attention on what clothing, expectation, and roles make you feel icky. How un-fun!. “But rather than focusing on all the things that make you feel bad, it can be helpful to think about what things make you feel good,” they say. (Things that make you feel good in your gender are often known as gender euphoric).

Your job: Make a list of all the articles of clothing, activities, chores, colors, hairstyles, and makeup #lewks that make you feel gender bliss. Then, lean into them and continue leaning into them.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why You Shouldn’t Feel Pressure to Label Your Sexuality

Fear not: Sexuality doesn’t have to be black and white!

By Nona Willis Aronowitz

Q: Hi. I’m Sadie and I’m 15. Right now I’m really confused because I know that I’m romantically attracted to guys, but sexually attracted to girls. I just don’t know why I can’t like guys in the same way that I like girls, and I don’t even feel romantically attracted to girls. What does this mean?

A: Before we get to what all this means for your identity and relationships, let’s talk about what this stuff literally means, starting with the basics. “Sexual attraction” means feeling like you want to make out or engage in some level of sex with another person. “Romantic attraction” means feeling non-platonic emotional connection with or attachment to someone, but can also involve physical affection like cuddling. Romantic and sexual feelings don’t always go hand in hand.

As a culture, we fully accept this on an individual basis: Nobody would bat an eyelash if, say, one person loved hooking up with her classmate yet didn’t get enough romantic butterflies to actually date them. But as you’ve already noticed, this can happen with entire genders, too: One gender may inspire love, but not lust, and vice versa.

People can be homoromantic or heteroromantic, just like they can be homosexual or heterosexual. They can be sexually attracted to more than one gender (bisexual or pansexual) or romantically attracted to multiple genders (biromantic or panromantic). When people’s romantic and sexual attractions don’t match up gender-wise, it’s called romantic and sexual discordance. That sounds intimidating and long-winded, but it’s just a technical term you never have to use if you don’t want to. Discordance isn’t wildly uncommon; in a 2016 study of 414 adults, 10% of them reported having discordant sexual and romantic orientations.

“People can definitely be homosexual but heteroromantic” (which is what you describe in your letter) “although it is less common than being, say, bisexual and heteroromantic,” says Emily Lund, PhD, assistant professor of Counselor Education at the University of Alabama and one of the authors of the 2016 study. “People can also have different degrees of attraction to different genders and these can fluctuate over time.”

You describe feeling confused over your romantic and sexual attractions, and that’s perfectly fine. Lund says you shouldn’t feel like you have to commit to one identity now—or ever. “Sexual identity development is a process, especially for people who have a non-normative sexual or romantic orientation,” Lund says. “Many people go through several labels and identities to describe their sexual and/or romantic attractions before finding one that fits. And some people never find a label that quite fits.”

In other words, it’s totally OK to simply exist and date whoever strikes your romantic or sexual fancy, without an explanation. If you’re looking for models or support, it might help to seek out queer spaces for teens, particularly those that honor non-normative sexuality, like Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. (Their website has information about all kinds of identities on this spectrum.) As their founder, David Jay, told me a few months ago: A label is “not an inner truth, not a medical diagnosis. If it feels useful, use it. If it ever stops feeling useful, stop using it.”

Even if you do find an identity or term that feels right, keep in mind that at 15, your body and mind is raging with fluctuating hormones and information overload. “Fifteen-year-olds are often still developing in both their romantic and sexual attractions, so it may be that Sadie’s feelings and attractions will shift over time,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health. This is backed up by research: Psychologist Lisa M. Diamond studied 100 women over more than a decade, as they moved from adolescence into adulthood, and found that their sexual orientations often shifted according to their life stage. “This can happen with romantic feelings, too,” says Herbenick.

That’s not to discount your current attractions. After all, this may very well be who you are for the rest of your life, which is fine, too. What these experts are trying to say is that you should not feel pressure to label your sexuality yet, or ever. We as a society focus a lot on who and what people are — but our identities are ever-changing!

So let’s go back to your question: What does this mean? You may be worried about how you’ll be able to have both a sexual and romantic relationship with a single person. The comforting fact is that people work out all kinds of arrangements.

Perhaps you’ll gravitate towards open relationships or polyamory, feeling romantically close to one partner while sexually satisfied by another. Perhaps you’ll fall in love with someone whose gender you are not sexually attracted to, but still have sex with them gladly and generously. “People of all sexual orientations sometimes have sex not because they’re feeling strong desire, but because they want to help their partner feel good, and sometimes their partner does the same for them,” Herbenick says. You might also find someone whose gender matters little to you, who you’re both romantically and sexually attracted to. There are countless options.

The main thing to remember is that, no matter how your orientations develop, it’s possible to have a healthy, fulfilling romantic and sexual life. And again—I cannot stress this enough—figuring out your desires is going to be a conscious, active, lifelong process. It’s always a good idea “to explore and to check in every now and then and see how you’re feeling,” Herbenick says. “Whether you’re 15 or 55.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How To Respect and Affirm Folks Who Use Multiple Sets of Pronouns

By Gabrielle Kassel

In May, Instagram launched a pronoun feature, allowing individuals to add up to four pronouns to their profile (without eating into their bio’s 150-character limit). And considering some individuals use multiple sets of pronouns—for example they/she pronouns, she/they/he, or she/he—it’s a long-awaited change that’s important for not only these folks, but for all people.

Often, people who use multiple pronouns are burdened with the obligation of educating others, fielding questions like “Why do people use multiple pronouns?” and “How do you respect someone who uses multiple pronouns?” To save these folks from the emotional labor associated with explaining—and to answer these common questions about multiple pronouns—keep reading for expert intel from Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City, Rae McDaniel MEd, LCPC, a licensed clinical counselor and gender and sex therapist based in Chicago, and folks who use multiple sets of pronouns themselves.

Why people use multiple sets of pronouns

“There’s a wide variety of reasons someone may use two or more sets of pronouns,” says Kahn, adding that for some, it’s a way to signal the expansiveness of their gender. Alex, a non-binary femme, says, “I use they/she because I don’t feel like my gender can be encapsulated in one word, so I feel best when my pronouns are mixed all around.” And Everett, who is bigender, says, “I use she/he because some days I feel like I fit into the ‘man’ box, and on other days I fit better into the ‘woman’ box.”

Pronouns may indicate someone’s gender, but do not always, says Kahn. That means someone can be non-binary and use he/him pronouns or be non-binary and use she/her pronouns. With this in mind, pronouns can be less related to gender identity, and more so a way to acknowledge the expansiveness or complexity of gender. Basically, don’t assume someone’s pronouns indicate their entire gender identity.

Some people might use multiple pronouns because their pronouns vary based on where they are or who they’re with, says Jesse Kahn, LCSW.

Some people might use multiple pronouns because their pronouns vary based on where they are or who they’re with, says Kahn. Tyler, for instance, uses he/him while with family and friends from childhood, but they/them with people they met after college. “Being referred to by he/him doesn’t give me gender dysphoria, so continuing to use he/him with people who have known me a long time saves me the stress of having to explain why I use they/them sometimes.” Leo, who uses she/xe also uses multiple sets of pronouns to ensure there’s no need to constantly educate others on neopronouns, which are words created to stand in place of gendered pronouns entirely. “Using xe/xem/xyr brings me gender bliss, but I only use them in community with people who are well-versed in neopronouns,” Xe says. “Otherwise I end up having to do a lot of Pronoun 101 teaching.”

Kahn lists a few other additional reasons some folks use multiple sets of pronouns: “Some people use multiple pronouns because they prefer one set of pronouns, but are okay with a another set of pronouns; some use multiple pronouns because they’re indifferent to all pronouns; and some people use multiple pronouns to try out new pronouns,” he says.

Does the order of the pronouns matter?

As with most gender, sexuality, and pronoun-related questions, there is no one-size-fits-all answer with respect to whether the ordering of multiple pronouns matters. “Sometimes the order of pronouns is important to someone, and sometimes it’s not,” says McDaniel. And, adds Kahn, some individuals use the order to indicate that they would like the first set of pronouns to be used more than the second (or third) set, while for others, the order is irrelevant.

So, given how personal preferences surrounding multiple pronoun use is, how can you proceed in a way that’s most respectful of the person in question? If you have a strong relationship with the person,“it’s best to ask if the person likes certain pronouns used in certain scenarios, contexts, or with different people, and if there’s anything they want you to know about how to use their pronouns in a way that is most affirming to them,” says Kahn.

And if you’re not super close to the person, you can still ask for guidance in a way that is respectful of their time, space, and energy. You might ask, “I’d love to use your pronouns in a way that feels best to you. Would you be willing to share with me what that is?” Or, “Do you have the bandwidth to explain to me how you want me to use your pronouns?” Both questions suggest that you understand the tedious nature of pronouns-explaining, and that you’ll respect them if they don’t currently have the time, interest, or energy to answer your Q’s.

Other ways to affirm individuals who use multiple pronouns

First things first: If you’re cisgender and haven’t already, share your pronouns everywhere (email signature, Instagram bio, Zoom avatar, dating-app profiles, etc.). Also, introduce yourself with your pronouns when meeting someone new because sharing your pronouns helps to normalize the practice for all people, including those who use multiple pronouns.

Sharing your pronouns helps to normalize the practice for all people, including those who use multiple pronouns.

Also, if you meet someone who uses multiple pronouns, Kahn says they may want you to use multiple pronouns when you refer to them. In practice, that looks like switching up or even alternating the pronouns that you use. “If you’re talking about a friend who uses he/they pronouns, for example, you might say something like, ‘I ran into Tim the other day, and they said we should come over and grill. He said there will be burgers’,” says McDaniel. “If you default to one—especially the one that is more commonly known to be within the dominant binary norm—you may be communicating how you see them and the type of effort you’re willing to put in to use someone’s correct pronouns.” While doing so may be easier for you, it may come at the expense of ensuring the other person feels fully seen and recognized.

Finally, remember that practice can help. Games like Minus 18 and Gender Wheel allow you to practice using pronouns in a fun way. Or, you can pen paragraphs about made-up people who use multiple sets of pronouns for practice. As the saying goes, pronoun practice makes pronoun perfect—and normalizing multiple pronoun use is a key step to ensuring destigmatization for all.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

By magictr

The way we think about sexuality is changing. Where once there was a single, well-known rainbow flag, a symbol of pride, today a wide range flies to show the diversity of sexual orientations.

People seem increasingly open to discussing their sexuality, and less conventional identities, even previously “invisible”, have become part of an increasingly dominant discourse.

Open dialogue, sexual identities they have become less rigid and more fluid.

But the most recent data shows that this change is more prevalent in one group: In many countries, women are now embracing sexual fluidity at much higher rates than in the past, and more significantly, than men overall.

How do you explain this difference?

Experts believe that there are many factors fueling this progression, especially changes in the social climate that have allowed women to break out of conventional gender roles and identities.

But in light of this, the question remains: what does it mean for the future of sexual fluidity for all genders?

A remarkable change

Sean Massey and his colleagues at the Binghamton Human Sexualities Research Laboratory in New York have studied sexual behaviors for about a decade.

In each of their investigations, they asked participants to report their sexual orientation and gender.

They had never looked at the evolution of that information over time, until they realized that, in fact, they had a treasure in their hands.

“We thought, my God, we’ve been collecting this data for 10 years,” explains Massey, associate professor of studies on women, gender and sexuality at Binghamton University.

“Why don’t we check it out and see if there is any trend to be seen?”

And so they discovered that between 2011 and 2019 college-age women they had moved further and further away from exclusive heterosexuality.

In 2019, 65% of the women consulted said they were only attracted to men, when that percentage had been 77% in 2011.

The number of women reported having sex exclusively with men also decreased in those years.

Meanwhile, men’s sexual attraction and behavior remained mostly static in the same period: about 85% reported being attracted only to women, and about 90% said they had sex exclusively with women.

Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

Other surveys conducted in other countries, including the UK and the Netherlands, presented similar findings.

In general, more women have been reporting more same-sex attraction, year after year, than their male counterparts.

Power and freedom

“This is all too complicated to attribute to just one thing,” says Elizabeth Morgan, associate professor of psychology at Springfield College in Massachusetts, USA.

But gender roles and how they have changed and how not, can be an important factor.

Massey and his colleagues largely attribute evolution to cultural changes, such as the progress of feminism and the women’s movement, which have significantly changed the socio-political landscape in recent decades.

However, these changes affected men and women differently.

“There has really been progress around the female gender role and less on the male gender role,” says Massey.

While she doesn’t rule out the effect of the LGBTQ + movement on people who identify as sexually fluid today, Massy believes that feminism and the women’s movement play a role in why more women identify in this way than men.

And he especially believes it because no equivalent men’s movement has allowed men to step out of historical gender-based constraints in the same way.

“Fifty years ago, you couldn’t have a life if you didn’t marry a man and you could only establish yourself if he supported you,” Morgan adds.

In that sense, avoiding exclusive heterosexuality could be seen as part of the breakdown of women with traditional gender roles.

Meanwhile, as women have been able to find more freedom, men’s gender roles have remained relatively static as they continue to hold power in society.

“[Los hombres] They need to defend a very masculine gender role to maintain that power, and part of masculinity is heterosexuality. “says Morgan.

Sex coach and educator Violet Turning, 24, also points to the “fetishization” of two women having sex or kissing, specifically from the male gaze.

According to her, this has also contributed to making same-sex attraction among women more socially acceptable, albeit for the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, people seem to find the idea of ​​two men having sex much less enjoyable, he notes.

A 2019 study that looked at attitudes toward gay men and women in 23 countries found that, for participants overall, “gay men are more disagreeable than lesbian women.”

An open dialogue

The spaces in which women can speak openly about their sexuality has also multiplied.

When Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, USA, began studying sexual fluidity in the early 1990s, her research focused on men.

Many of the study participants, he says, came from gay support groups, mostly male members, so the men were “easier for researchers to find.”

Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

But Diamond wanted to inquire about women’s sexuality.

Thus began an investigation that lasted a decade and for which he asked 100 women every two years about their sexual orientation and behavior.

>Her book, “Sexual Fluency: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,” was published in 2008.

In it he discusses how, for some women, love and attraction are fluid and can change over time.

This was at odds with the earlier line of thinking that described sexual orientation as rigid, a view that was arrived at from studies that had been conducted looking only at men.

Coinciding with the publication of the book, several famous Americans who until then had dated men, such as Cynthia Nixon and Maria Bello, made public your experience of same-sex attraction.

Star host Oprah Winfrey then asked Diamond to come on her show to talk about female sexual fluidity.

The concept and the practice had officially entered the general dialogue.

Likewise, Turning points out that language has evolved to recognize women as sexually non-binary.

For example, Turning says his lesbian partner belonged to a “gay heterosexual alliance (AGH)” at his high school, circa 2007.

That expression fostered the binary – the members were gay or straight, with no real options for those who might have identified somewhere in between, and it also didn’t contain any terms that specifically referred to female sexuality.

“Now, it’s like everyone has the option to identify themselves as queer, because it is widely accepted, “says Turning, who claims that the terminology has evolved to include people of all genders, including women.

What is the future of sexual fluidity?

Sexual fluidity may be on its way to entering more masculine spaces.

On TikTok he has become popular with young straight men pretending to be gay in his videos.

His followers, mostly women, enjoy it, according to an article by The New York Times on trend.

Regardless of whether these creators are really comfortable playing as queer or they do it to gain clicks, this trend suggests a shift in attitudes towards masculinity, which may pave the way for more men to embrace sexual fluidity in the future.

Sexually fluid women can also help pave the way.

More women talking openly about their fluent orientations means that more people will generally be arguing about alternatives to rigid sexuality.

“Our culture is very ashamed of sexuality,” says Diamond.

So, “anything that makes it easier and socially acceptable for people to reflect on desire without entering into judgment or being ashamed of it,” he adds, has the potential to get them to open up to the different possibilities or, at least, that consider the idea of ​​doing so.

“We must start freeing men from compulsory heterosexuality [y] traditional masculinity, “adds Massey.

“It may have a different, or maybe the same, result (than it did with women) in terms of allowing for more diversity in sexuality.”

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Effects of gender discrimination on health

by Zawn Villines

Gender discrimination has a significant impact on mental and physical health worldwide. It can limit peoples’ access to healthcare, increase rates of ill health, and lower life expectancy.

While it is true that women live longer than men on average, they experience higher rates of ill health during their lifetimes. It is likely that gender discrimination and inequity contribute to this.

In this article, we look at what gender discrimination is and include specific examples. We then explore the effects of this discrimination on mental health, physical health, and healthcare.

Sex and gender exist on spectrums. This article will use the terms “male,” “female,” or both to refer to sex assigned at birth. Click here to learn more.

Gender discrimination is any action that excludes or disadvantages people based on their gender. It includes actions that are deliberately unfair and actions that are unintentionally unfair.

Gender discrimination is fueled by sexism, which is prejudice based on sex or gender. In most countries, sexism devalues women and femininity and privileges men and masculinity.

Because gender relates to how someone feels, rather than their biological characteristics, anyone who identifies with a gender that their society deems less valuable can experience gender discrimination. This includes trans and other gender-expansive people.

Gender discrimination can take place in person-to-person interactions, as well as at an institutional or state level. It can occur:

  • In the workplace: Deciding not to hire or promote someone, treating employees differently, or paying them less based on their gender are all examples of workplace discrimination. Peers can participate by excluding women colleagues from important meetings, for example.
  • In schools: Preventing or discouraging girls and young women from participating in traditionally male-dominated fields, such as science, math, and sports, is an example of gender discrimination. Schools may also enforce gendered dress codes, punish those who do not conform to gender norms, or fail to punish bad behavior on the basis that “Boys will be boys.”
  • In relationships: People who prevent their partners from doing things on the basis of their gender are also acting in a discriminatory way. This might include stopping women from working, managing their money, and driving, for example.
  • In public: Sexual harassment and catcalling are unwanted, and they are forms of discrimination. These behaviors can make people feel unsafe, and they can restrict how people use public spaces. This limits a person’s freedom.
  • In institutions: Organizations, governments, and legal and healthcare systems can enact policies that discriminate against certain genders, either intentionally or unintentionally. Examples include laws that allow gender-based violence to thrive, that punish people for expressing their gender, or that disadvantage certain groups financially.

It is important to understand that discrimination based on gender can be coupled with discrimination based on race, class, disability, and sexuality.

Gender discrimination is a source of stress, and like any other stressor, it can directly affect mental health.

Research from 2020Trusted Sourcerefers to a study in which women who reported experiencing gender discrimination in the past 12 months scored more highly than others on a depression screening tool.

Depending on the situation, facing discrimination can also result in anxiety and psychological trauma.

The authors of the research paper argue that discrimination plays a key role in the “gender gap” in rates of mental illness. Women experience higher rates of most mental health conditions, including:

Women are also 1.5 times more likely to attempt suicide than men, although men are more likely to die by suicide.

For people assigned female at birth, biological factors may play a role in these differences. However, studies have found fewer gender differences in the rates of mental illness in societies with more equality among men and women. This suggests that inequity and discrimination play a major role in these disparities.

As the World Health Organization (WHO) notes, gender inequality is also a risk factor for gender-based violence.

Thirty percentTrusted Source of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in their lives. The rate is higher, 47%, among trans people, and even higher among trans people of color and those who have done sex work, experienced homelessness, or have a current or past disability.

Experiencing any type of abuse or assault can lead to a mental health condition, as well as further complications that are traumatic in themselves. For example, if a person survives sexual assault, they may become pregnant, contract a sexually transmitted infection, or become excluded from their community.

Illness

Some research suggests that experiencing discrimination is correlated with worse physical health.

For example, a 2018 study found that women who experience discrimination at work are more likely to report ill physical health, and particularly women who have experienced sexual harassment.

Stress from any source can also contribute to many chronic conditions, including chronic pain, high blood pressure, and diabetes.

Less healthy living conditions

Gender discrimination can also lead to a person having worse living conditions and less access to the things that they need to survive and thrive.

For example, in the United States, the gender pay gap means that women earn less than men overall — even when performing the same jobs. The pay gap is wider for women of color.

Women also have higher levels of student debt, lower savings in retirement, and higher rates of poverty, in comparison to men.

Not only does this cause more stress, it also reduces a person’s ability to afford fresh food, safe housing, and health insurance. This results in health inequity — avoidable and unfair differences in the health of marginalized groups, compared with privileged ones.

Injury and death

Discrimination in the form of violence also directly impacts health. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is just one example of this.

FGM is unnecessary surgery to remove part or all of the genitalia of young females, who are typically younger than 15Trusted Source. Communities that practice FGM may believe that it will make girls more pure and suitable for marriage, and less likely to have extramarital sex.

People who survive the procedure can experience severe pain, bleeding, infections, and lifelong sexual health problems. Some die as a result of complications.

Gender discrimination has a profound effect on healthcare, reducing the speed, accuracy, and quality of treatment. It affects diagnosis and treatment in many ways, including:

  • Dismissal of symptoms: According to a 2018 reviewTrusted Source, doctors are more likely to view women’s chronic pain as psychological, exaggerated, or even made up, in comparison with men’s pain. This can leave people without support or treatment.
  • Incorrect or delayed diagnoses: Prejudices about gender can result in people getting incorrect diagnoses or having to wait for years for any diagnosis. For example, a 2020 articleTrusted Source found that it takes doctors 6.5 months longer to diagnose moderate hemophilia in females than in males, and 39 months longer to diagnose severe hemophilia. This is despite the fact that females are more likelyTrusted Source to notice symptoms of bleeding disorders, such as hemophilia.
  • Withholding care: Research from 2017Trusted Source found that doctors routinely deny cis women access to birth control until they undergo annual pap smears. This form of manipulation is unethical and harmful, as it denies a person the ability to choose what happens to their body when.
  • Obstetric violence: This involves forcing medical interventions onto a person who is giving birth, without their consent. The term also refers to verbal and physical abuse during labor. A 2019 studyTrusted Source found that out of 2,016 observed births taking place in Nigeria, Ghana, Guinea, and Myanmar, 41.6% of women experienced obstetric violence or abuse.

Gender discrimination also affects healthcare workers, the majorityTrusted Source of whom are women. For example, a 2019 reportTrusted Source on the British Medical Association found that the organization engaged in widespread discrimination against women, including bullying and sexual harassment.

In the face of this discrimination, doctors who are women are just as capable as doctors who are men. A 2017 study, for example, found that patients of female surgeons were 4%Trusted Source less likely to die within 30 days of a procedure, compared with patients of male surgeons. Each patient in the study had undergone one of 25 types of surgery.

Sexism reduces the health and well-being of everyone. If a person experiences discrimination and this damages their health, it has a knock-on effect on their family, friends, and the wider community.

A 2017 report notes that gender inequality contributes to unemployment and poverty among women and has adverse effects on child health and development.

Indirectly, sexism also harms men. The need to live up to masculine stereotypes can result in men not seeking medical helpTrusted Source when they need it, behaving in ways that damage their health, and becoming involved in violence.

The economic cost of this is huge. Research from 2016 found that institutional gender discrimination costs the global economy $12 trillion, or 16% of the world’s total income.

Research from 2016 found that institutional gender discrimination costs the global economy $12 trillion, or 16% of the world’s total income.

Everyone has a responsibility to learn about and help end gender discrimination — it directly or indirectly harms everyone. People can learn more from:

  • UN Women, a United Nations entity that provides educational resources about the rights of women and girls
  • the WHOTrusted Source, which publishes reports, fact sheets, and articles about the impact of sexism on health
  • Birth Monopoly, Human Rights in Childbirth, and ImprovingBirth.org, which are working to educate about and end obstetric violence
  • SisterSong, which focuses on healthcare and maternal mortality among Black and Indigenous women
  • The Trevor Project, which works to end suicide and provide crisis intervention and other support for LGBTQIA+ youth

The effects of gender discrimination are global. This discrimination harms mental and physical health, leads to poverty, creates and enforces cycles of abuse and violence, and restricts access to healthcare.

Anyone can counter gender discrimination by learning about its causes, manifestations, and effects — and by taking action to stop it.

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Experts Define A Comprehensive Gender Identity List

Understand everything from intersex to gender-expansive.

By Perri O. Blumberg

There’s a chance you landed here because you may not totally be clear on all the terms and phrases to express gender identity. “It’s understandable that some folks may feel confused or even uncomfortable with all the variations of gender, gender identities, and gender roles,” says Tracy Marsh, PhD, faculty member for Walden University’s PhD in Clinical Psychology program, and a licensed psychologist in California who specializes in LGBTQIA issues. Or, you could be exploring your own gender identity and looking for the right words to express yourself and help others understand.

Thankfully, it’s 2021, and many of the terms surrounding gender are becoming more widely recognized in our society. “These concepts and terms will continue to evolve. The best way to stay informed is to reach out and have a respectful dialogue with someone who has more knowledge of these terms and topics. Ask others how they identify and how they prefer to be addressed,” Marsh says.

Women’s Health spoke to experts on those questions you may want to ask, but don’t know exactly where to start: What exactly does gender identity mean? What is biological sex vs. gender? And how do gender identity and sexuality relate? First, Jackie Golob, MS, who works at a private practice at the Centre for Sexual Wellness in Minnesota, provides an overview on some commonly confused ideas surrounding gender identity.

  • Genitalia does not equal gender. “The sex characteristics a person is born with do not signify a person’s gender identity. When people have ‘gender reveal parties,’ it really should be called a ‘genital reveal party,’” she offers. The concept of gender really is a social construct, adds Golob.
  • Forget about the two-gender binary. “Gender is a term that relates to how we feel about ourselves, the way we choose to express our gender through makeup, dresses, high heels, athletic shorts, sneakers, and more,” she explains. Our society has convinced us that there are just two options for gender identity, “male” and “female,” based on biological sex. But in reality, there’s more fluidity.
  • Gender identity is on a continuum. It’s not just the male/female gender binary—there’s a spectrum of gender identity. “[Most people] lie in between [the binary], with personality traits that relate to gender identity, expression, and biological sex. Gender identity can change over time, and it is not fixed,” says Golob. Just because you identify one way at one point in time, does not mean you will always choose that identity, or that your identity won’t shift and evolve.
  • Sexuality and gender identity are not the same thing. “Gender identity is how you feel about yourself and the ways you express your gender and biological sex,” says Golob. Meanwhile, sexuality refers to who you are emotionally, physically, romantically, or sexually attracted to, she says. In summary, “gender is how you feel about yourself, while sexuality is how you feel about others,” says Golob.

Now that you have the basics, let’s do a deep dive into gender identity terms and what they each mean.

1. Anatomical sex

In conversations about gender, you may hear this expression used. “Gender identity is about one’s psychological sense of self. Anatomical sex is comprised of things like genitals, chromosomes, hormones, body hair, and more,” says Sophie Mona Pagès, relationship expert and founder of LVRSNFRNDS, a social network that fosters connections and conversations about relationships. “You may be familiar with the terms ‘AFAB’ (Assigned Female At Birth) and ‘AMAB ’(Assigned Male At Birth). This is what they are about.” AFAB and AMAB people may not choose to identify with those terms during childhood, or when they become adolescents or adults.

2. Cisgender

This term describes a person whose gender identity aligns with or matches their assigned sex at birth. “If a doctor assigns gender based on genitalia, when the baby is born and says, ‘It’s a girl,’ and that person aligns with their gender, that’s what it means to be cisgender,” says Golob, noting that this term sometimes gets shortened to “Cis.”

3. Transgender

“Transgender people are folks whose gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth. They can be trans men, trans women, and also non-binary people, meaning they do not identify as men or women,” says Pagès. She adds one quick note: “Do not say ‘a trans’ or ‘a transgender.’ Say instead, ‘a trans person,’ ‘a transgender person,’ ‘a trans man,’ or ‘a trans woman.’”

4. Cishet

“Cishet refers to people whose gender identity and biological sex are aligned (cisgender), and who are sexually attracted to the opposite sex,” says Marsh. For instance, an individual born with a vagina who identifies as female and is romantically involved with males would be described as Cishet.

5. Non-binary

“Non-binary describes a person who does not identify clearly or exclusively as male or a female, says Alexandra Bausic, M.D., a board-certified OBGYN, and sex educator at Let’s Talk Sex. “They can either feel both gender characteristics or feel different from them.” You may hear non-binary used as an umbrella term for various groups of people that don’t identify as male or female.

6. Intersex

A person born with either some combination of both biological sex characteristics (genital organs, hormones, chromosomes) or certain genital variations that don’t align with either biological sex is intersex, explains Bausic. “It is a natural variation in human anatomy, and it shouldn’t be perceived as something bad,” she says. Also, it’s important to know that being intersex is not that uncommon: Planned Parenthood estimates that one to two people out of every 100 in the U.S. are intersex.

Bausic adds that some examples of modified anatomic features of intersex people include a clitoris that’s larger than the average, a penis that is smaller than the average, or a closed vagina.

7. Genderqueer

“Genderqueer people can identify as neither woman nor man, both woman and man, or a combination of these genders,” says Pagès. Sometimes the words “genderqueer” and “non-binary” are used interchangeably.

“Genderqueer is often an identity that is also a political statement, and sometimes perceived as a third gender,” adds Marsh.

8. Gender-fluid

Just like you can be fluid in your sexual orientation of who you’re attracted to, you can also be flexible with your gender. “Gender-fluid typically refers to someone who prefers to express either or both maleness or femaleness, and that can vary, perhaps from day to day,” says Marsh.

“Some people’s gender identity varies over time,” adds Pagès, who also recommends looking at the Genderbread Person, a helpful resource on understanding gender, as well as guidelines on explaining gender to others. FYI: The fluid (i.e., transformative) aspect of being gender-fluid can happen at any point in life. You can be super young or a supercentenarian—it doesn’t only occur during a particular time in your lifespan.

9. Gender Non-conforming

“Gender non-conformity refers to when someone does not conform to their cultural gender norms,” says Marsh. It could be something as minute as an Assigned Male At Birth (AMAB) person wearing nail polish, Marsh explains. That could be considered gender non-conforming, since nail polish is typically attributed to female-presenting people in our society. Or, on a larger scale, the person might not choose to identify with “he/him” or “she/her” pronouns.

Since all the specifics of these phrases may start to feel similar, Marsh provides some more useful intel: “The terms gender non-conforming, genderqueer, gender-fluid, and non-binary typically fall under the umbrella of transgender, or those persons who do not identify as cisgender,” says Marsh. But they don’t all mean the exact same thing, so it’s still important to check in with people to see what labels they prefer.

10. Gender-Expansive

You may have heard of “gender non-conforming,” but the phrase “gender-expansive” is coming to be the preferred choice in the LGTBQIA+ community. “Gender non-conforming was a term previously used, that still shows up in research and articles today, insinuating something is ‘wrong’ with a person if they are participating in something in society that is ‘non-conforming’ of the norm,” says Golob. Essentially, this term is cis-normative, she points out. “Gender-expansive is the term to use instead that allows folks creativity and freedom to not fit into a societal norm,” Golob says.

11. Agender

“Agender means that one does not identify with any gender,” says Marsh. “They do not feel a sense of male or female,” adds Marsh, noting that like other non-cisgender groups, they may ask to be addressed using the pronouns “they” or “them” rather than “he” or “she.”

Golob elaborates that “Agender can also mean being gender-free, gender-blank, or genderless,” with no connection to any gender in particular.

12. Gendervoid

“Gendervoid is a term that is similar to agender, but specifically refers to not only a lack of gender identity, but also a sense of loss or a void in not feeling that gender identity,” explains Marsh. For gendervoid people, they feel like they don’t experience or aren’t able to feel their gender.

It may be helpful to remember, in short, that “biological sex is physical, while gender is feeling,” as Golob puts it. There’s no pop quiz on these terms, we promise, but becoming familiar with all gender identities is part of being a thoughtful human, no matter where you fall on the gender spectrum.

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How to talk to kids about sex

— An age-by-age guide to sex education for parents

t’s important to discuss sex with your children throughout their lives.

By Rebecca Strong

  • It’s never too early to discuss gender identity or consent.
  • Non-judgmental, inclusive, body-positive language is key.
  • Teens say their parents have the greatest influence over their decisions about sex.

Talking about sex with your kids may feel overwhelming, but it’s important to keep an open line of communication at an early age.

Children who are well-educated about their own sexuality will likely have higher self-esteem and make choices about their sexuality that they are happier with.

It can also ensure they feel safe coming to you with questions and concerns instead of uninformed peers or the dice roll of the internet.

Clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, PhD, recommends researching the physical changes your child is experiencing at every age and listening to them while encouraging an open dialogue rather than lecturing them.

We spoke to Kapow, as well as board-certified child psychologist Lea Lis and certified sex educator Laura McGuire, for guidelines on how to talk to kids about sex at every age.

Kids under the age of 5 

You may assume it’s too soon to start talking to your preschooler or toddler about sex, but it’s only natural for them to have some questions about their bodies as they begin to walk and talk, according to Mayo Clinic.

For example, if your toddler asks where babies come from, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry recommends giving them a truthful but simple response. For example, you can say “each person starts as a combination of seeds from two people. That seed grows inside of a place called a uterus, which is inside of a belly.

Topics to address at this age

  • Anatomical names for private body parts:  If your child asks about their gender as it pertains to their genitalia, parents should avoid euphemisms or “pet” names. Klapow recommends telling them the anatomically correct term for it, and what it’s used for — like how pee comes from a penis or a vulva. Using standard anatomical terminology for private body parts promotes self-confidence, open communication, and positive body image, as well as gives them the proper language to seek help in the event of sexual abuse or a medical issue.
  • Gender: They haven’t developed a concept of nakedness or modesty yet, but according to the National Center on Parent, Family, and Community Engagement, toddlers begin to understand the concept of gender identity as early as 18-24 months. Parents can encourage their children to feel comfortable exploring and defining their gender by teaching them that they are not limited to toys or clothes that are traditionally assigned to their sex.
  • Consent: Experts agree that the earlier you can bring up the concept of consent, the better. At this age, board-certified child psychologist Lea Lis suggests talking about what feels good and what doesn’t feel good. For instance, if your preschooler’s friend is being rough with them on the playground, you can use those situations to ask them what types of physical touch they don’t like, and how they can say “no” to a friend. Adults should aim to respect their children’s “no” or as much as possible, too.

    “Around 18 months, a child can observe modeled behaviors such as asking permission and observing signs that someone is uncomfortable to respect that boundary,” says Laura McGuire, a certified sex educator. So how you interact with your child, other kids, and other adults also demonstrates consent for your child. You don’t have to use the word “consent” with a preschooler — using clear but simple terms like space, body, and touch are more likely to be understood at this age.

Elementary school-aged kids 

Whereas toddlers and preschoolers may only require vague answers to questions about sex and their bodies, experts say school-aged children tend to want to dive deeper with more specific questions about the link between sexuality and how babies are made.

Rather than make any assumptions, Mayo Clinic advises asking what they already know when they come to you with a question. Then, you can clear up any misconceptions, and provide any details they may be missing. You might ask, “well, can you tell me what you think it means?” and go from there.

For example, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry recommends explaining their birth story by saying something along these lines: Dad’s seed (or sperm) comes through his penis and combines with mom’s seed (or egg) in her uterus, and then the baby grows there for nine months until it’s strong enough to be born.

Another common topic is erections, which can happen as early as a baby’s first few months of life. Once they’re old enough to ask you about it, you might just explain that a penis is typically soft, but sometimes “gets hard and stands up straight”. Emphasize that this is healthy and normal and may feel good. As they explore their bodies, allow all children to to enjoy pleasure without shaming them or batting their hands away, especially if they are in the privacy of their own home, bathroom, or bedroom.

Topics to address at this age

  • Setting boundaries: It’s important that children in elementary school learn outright what a boundary is and how to set one, Klapow says. Learning to say no and communicate when they feel uncomfortable is essential for preparing them for future sexual encounters at an older age.
  • Gender: Regarding gender, Klapow says children between the ages of 5–10 start to form ideas around their gender and sexual identity. If your child comes to you with confusion about their identity, you can let them know that having a particular sex assigned at birth doesn’t mean a person has to relate to a specific gender or sexual orientation.

    “You can talk about the fact that some people identify as boys, some as girls, some as neither, and that these identities can change,” says McGuire. It might be helpful to draw similarities to TV or book characters for younger kids and pop culture references for older kids. 

Middle school-age kids 

Between ages 11–13, your child will begin experiencing a surge in hormones that can cause the physical changes of puberty as well as more intense sexual feelings.

Lis recommends letting your adolescent know what types of bodily changes are normal during puberty, including the growth of pubic hair and other body hair, the development of breasts, acne, and the start of menstruation.

After letting your child know what to expect in terms of menstrual bleeding, you should also explain hygiene product options and clarify that a period usually indicates the body can become pregnant. Mayo Clinic says this might also be a good time to explain what wet dreams are. It may also be a good time to begin conversations about family values, including around the topics of dating and masturbation.

If you feel comfortable, you can share stories from your own experience of adolescence.

As your adolescent approaches the age of 13, Lis advises educating them about the forms of contraception that are available while also reiterating the idea of consent. She recommends clarifying that condoms can reduce your risk of STIs as well as unwanted pregnancy, while a birth control pill cannot prevent STIs and is only intended to prevent pregnancy.

“Keep the message clear: This is normal, and you want them to come to you if they have questions. You will not pass judgment and you will support them no matter what.” Klapow says.

Topics to address at this age

  • Pornography: A 2017 survey by the American Psychology Association found that the average age a child is first exposed to online porn is 13.37 years of age, and for the majority of men (43.5%), that first exposure is accidental. Lis strongly advises keeping adolescents away from porn by monitoring their technology use. However, if you discover that they’ve seen explicit images or videos, she suggests reminding them that the people are actors, not all bodies look that way, and that not all the acts are common in real-life partnered sex.
  • Sexting: A 2019 study found that sexting is associated with increased sexual risks, such as having a higher number of partners, using drugs and alcohol, and not using contraception. That’s why it’s important to talk to your adolescent about the potential consequences of sharing provocative images and messages — like the fact that the image could spread to other classmates, or that they could be charged with distributing child pornography and face legal repercussions, whether they send, download, or forward the image. Let them know they should never feel pressured to send a photo that makes them feel uncomfortable. 
  • Sexism: Give adolescents examples of female athletes and coders, or stay-at-home dads and male dancers, or gender-diverse folks to help counter traditional notions of gender roles. That way, they feel free to pursue whatever interests and extra-curricular activities they desire. Be sure to discourage your child from participating in “locker room talk,” and explain why objectifying people is disrespectful, while also coaching your kids about double standards and how they can respond to sexist comments.

High school and college-age teenagers

While many sex ed topics may be covered in your teen’s health class, you still play an important role in their attitude and behavior around sex from the age of 14 onward.

What the research says: A 2012 national survey revealed that teens say their parents have the greatest influence over their decisions about sex — more than friends, siblings, or the media. Most teens also admitted that making decisions about delaying sex would be easier if they could talk openly and honestly with their parents. A 2010 study revealed that teens who talk with their parents about sex are more likely to delay intercourse and to use condoms when they do.

After making sure your teen knows where to get contraception and how to use it, Mayo Clinic says you might want to explain other ways they can reduce their risk of contracting STIs, like keeping their relationship exclusive to one partner or asking sexual partners if they’ve been tested, as well as getting tested themselves regularly.

Klapow also suggests bringing up conversations about safer sex with their doctor at routine checkups, as doctors can serve as a confidential source of support and education for your teen. Consider leaving the room so your teen can ask questions more freely.

According to Mayo Clinic, it’s important to remind your teen that there are many ways to express affection — like holding hands, dancing, kissing, and touching — without having penetrative sex and that it’s OK to wait until they feel ready. You may also want to let them know that they should never have sex because they feel pressured by a partner, and make sure they know the definition of rape.

Lis advises directly asking your teen about their level of sexual activity, starting with: “Have you ever been kissed? How did you feel about it?” and then using this conversation as a way to re-coach them about what consent looks like, how to say “no,” and how to handle rejection in a healthy way. She also says it’s critical to explain how the effects of alcohol and drugs connect to getting and giving consent. Consent always should be enthusiastic, freely given, and not under the influence of substances.

“Explain that sex will be less fulfilling when you’re drunk and it’s better to wait so you can experience the joy in sex,” says Lis.

Teens need to know that intoxication affects their decision-making. Lis suggests telling your teen to establish a buddy system or “no friend left behind” policy so that they never abandon friends who are drunk or high, and so they can rely on their friends to look out for them as well. Making sure they have a safe way to get home is also very important.

Important: When talking about love and relationships, be sure to use inclusive language like “partner,” rather than assuming your child is heterosexual.

Hookup culture has created a lot of confusion for teens around what’s expected of them sexually. Lis recommends telling your high-schooler that a sexual partner or experience may be temporary, but should still be pleasurable, kind and considerate — which means no ghosting or bragging to your friends. “Basic sexual etiquette should be demanded and expected,” she says. “This includes sending a text or calling the day after to tell the person you enjoyed the experience.”

You may also want to share how love and emotional connection can play a role in sex being more meaningful or pleasurable. “Encourage teens to be honest about what feels good and what does not with a partner as this helps in establishing boundaries,” says Lis.

The older your child gets, the more in-depth your explanations will need to be — but it’s never too early to touch on topics like gender identity and consent when they come up.

Using non-judgmental, inclusive, and body-positive language is key, no matter what you’re discussing.

“Don’t pretend that you know it all and they don’t,” says Klapow. “Engage with them about what they are seeing on the internet. Be a partner in their exploration.”

When in doubt, McGuire says to remember that you can always reach out to certified sex educators to help you find resources and fill in any gaps you may experience along the way.

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Here’s a handy glossary of LGBTQ+ terms for allies to commit to memory

Because the words we use matter.

By Ali Pantony

Terminology and naming are essential to marginalised communities, and many have their own language to communicate who they are and the societal struggles they face.

For LGBTQ+ allies, committing these terms to memory is a crucial part of furthering our allyship and learning about the community.

It’s important to note that some terms carry derogatory connotations but have been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community over time, and shouldn’t be used about someone unless you’re fully aware that they identify with them. Additionally, because some of these terms are so personal, they carry slightly different meanings for different individuals.

Here’s Stonewall’s guide to LGBTQ+ terms and definitions. It isn’t exhaustive, rather, it’s a good starting point to further our education…

ACE

Ace is an umbrella term used to describe a variation in levels of romantic and/or sexual attraction, including a lack of attraction. Ace people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including, but not limited to, asexual, aromantic, demis and grey-As.
​

ALLY

A (typically) straight and/or cis person who supports members of the LGBT community.
​

BI

Bi is an umbrella term used to describe a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender. Bi people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including, but not limited to, bisexual, pan, queer, and some other non-monosexual and non-monoromantic identities.
​

BIPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone who identifies as bi based on prejudice or negative attitudes, beliefs or views about bi people. Biphobic bullying may be targeted at people who are, or who are perceived to be, bi.

BUTCH

Butch is a term used in LBT culture to describe someone who expresses themselves in a typically masculine way. There are other identities within the scope of butch, such as ‘soft butch’ and ‘stone butch’. You shouldn’t use these terms about someone unless you know they identify with them.
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CISGENDER OR CIS

Someone whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth. Non-trans is also used by some people.

COMING OUT

When a person first tells someone/others about their orientation and/or gender identity.
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DEADNAMING

Calling someone by their birth name after they have changed their name. This term is often associated with trans people who have changed their name as part of their transition.

FEMME

Femme is a term used in LGBT culture to describe someone who expresses themselves in a typically feminine way.
There are other identities within the scope of femme, such as ‘low femme’, ‘high femme’, and ‘hard femme’. You shouldn’t use these terms about someone unless you know they identify with them.

GAY

Refers to a man who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards men. Also a generic term for lesbian and gay sexuality – some women define themselves as gay rather than lesbian. Some non-binary people may also identify with this term.

GENDER

Often expressed in terms of masculinity and femininity, gender is largely culturally determined and is assumed from the sex assigned at birth.

GENDER DYSPHORIA

Used to describe when a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity.
This is also the clinical diagnosis for someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth.

GENDER EXPRESSION

How a person chooses to outwardly express their gender, within the context of societal expectations of gender. A person who does not conform to societal expectations of gender may not, however, identify as trans.

GENDER IDENTITY

A person’s innate sense of their own gender, whether male, female or something else (see non-binary below), which may or may not correspond to the sex assigned at birth.

GENDER REASSIGNMENT

Another way of describing a person’s transition. To undergo gender reassignment usually means to undergo some sort of medical intervention, but it can also mean changing names, pronouns, dressing differently and living in their self-identified gender.

Gender reassignment is a characteristic that is protected by the Equality Act 2010, and it is further interpreted in the Equality Act 2010 approved code of practice. It is a term of much contention and is one that Stonewall’s Trans Advisory Group feels should be reviewed.

GENDER RECOGNITION CERTIFICATE (GRC)

This enables trans people to be legally recognised in their affirmed gender and to be issued with a new birth certificate. Not all trans people will apply for a GRC and you currently have to be over 18 to apply. You do not need a GRC to change your gender markers at work or to legally change your gender on other documents such as your passport.

GILLICK COMPETENCE

A term used in medical law to decide whether a child (under 16 years of age) is able to consent to their own medical treatment, without the need for parental permission or knowledge.

HETEROSEXUAL / STRAIGHT

Refers to a man who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards women or to a woman who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards men.

HOMOSEXUAL

This might be considered a more medical term used to describe someone who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards someone of the same gender. The term ‘gay’ is now more generally used.

HOMOPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone, based on prejudice or negative attitudes, beliefs or views about lesbian, gay or bi people. Homophobic bullying may be targeted at people who are, or who are perceived to be, lesbian, gay or bi.

INTERSEX

A term used to describe a person who may have the biological attributes of both sexes or whose biological attributes do not fit with societal assumptions about what constitutes male or female. Intersex people may identify as male, female or non-binary.

Stonewall works with intersex groups to provide its partners and stakeholders information and evidence about areas of disadvantage experienced by intersex people but does not, after discussions with members of the intersex community, include intersex issues as part of its current remit at this stage.

LESBIAN

Refers to a woman who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards women. Some non-binary people may also identify with this term.

LESBOPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone because they are or are perceived to be a lesbian.

LGBT

The acronym for lesbian, gay, bi and trans.

NEURODIVERSE

A concept where neurological differences are recognised and respected in the same way as any other human difference.

NON-BINARY

An umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them entirely.

ORIENTATION

Orientation is an umbrella term describing a person’s attraction to other people. This attraction may be sexual (sexual orientation) and/or romantic (romantic orientation). These terms refers to a person’s sense of identity based on their attractions, or lack thereof. Orientations include, but are not limited to, lesbian, gay, bi, ace and straight.

OUTED

When a lesbian, gay, bi or trans person’s sexual orientation or gender identity is disclosed to someone else without their consent.

PERSON WITH A TRANS HISTORY

Someone who identifies as male or female or a man or woman, but was assigned the opposite sex at birth. This is increasingly used by people to acknowledge a trans past.

PAN

Refers to a person whose romantic and/or sexual attraction towards others is not limited by sex or gender.

PASSING

If someone is regarded, at a glance, to be a cisgender man or cisgender woman. Cisgender refers to someone whose gender identity matches the sex they were ‘assigned’ at birth. This might include physical gender cues (hair or clothing) and/or behaviour which is historically or culturally associated with a particular gender.

PRONOUN

Words we use to refer to people’s gender in conversation – for example, ‘he’ or ‘she’. Some people may prefer others to refer to them in gender neutral language and use pronouns such as they/their and ze/zir.

QUEER

Queer is a term used by those wanting to reject specific labels of romantic orientation, sexual orientation and/or gender identity. It can also be a way of rejecting the perceived norms of the LGBT community (racism, sizeism, ableism etc). Although some LGBT people view the word as a slur, it was reclaimed in the late 80s by the queer community who have embraced it.

QUESTIONING

The process of exploring your own sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION

A person’s romantic attraction to other people, or lack thereof. Along with sexual orientation, this forms a person’s orientation identity.

Stonewall uses the term ‘orientation’ as an umbrella term covering sexual and romantic orientations.

SEX

Assigned to a person on the basis of primary sex characteristics (genitalia) and reproductive functions. Sometimes the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ are interchanged to mean ‘male’ or ‘female’

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

A person’s sexual attraction to other people, or lack thereof. Along with romantic orientation, this forms a person’s orientation identity.

Stonewall uses the term ‘orientation’ as an umbrella term covering sexual and romantic orientations.

TRANS

An umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth. Trans people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including (but not limited to) transgender, transsexual, gender-queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-binary, gender-variant, crossdresser, genderless, agender, nongender, third gender, bi-gender, trans man, trans woman,trans masculine, trans feminine and neutrois.

TRANSGENDER MAN

A term used to describe someone who is assigned female at birth but identifies and lives as a man. This may be shortened to trans man, or FTM, an abbreviation for female-to-male.

TRANSGENDER WOMAN

A term used to describe someone who is assigned male at birth but identifies and lives as a woman. This may be shortened to trans woman, or MTF, an abbreviation for male-to-female.

​TRANSITIONING

The steps a trans person may take to live in the gender with which they identify. Each person’s transition will involve different things. For some this involves medical intervention, such as hormone therapy and surgeries, but not all trans people want or are able to have this.

Transitioning also might involve things such as telling friends and family, dressing differently and changing official documents.

TRANSPHOBIA

The fear or dislike of someone based on the fact they are trans, including denying their gender identity or refusing to accept it. Transphobia may be targeted at people who are, or who are perceived to be, trans.

TRANSSEXUAL

This was used in the past as a more medical term (similarly to homosexual) to refer to someone whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth. This term is still used by some although many people prefer the term trans or transgender.

UNDETECTABLE

HIV medication (antiretroviral treatment, or ART) works by reducing the amount of the virus in the blood to undetectable levels. This means the levels of HIV are so low that the virus cannot be passed on. This is called having an undetectable viral load or being undetectable. For more information, visit the Terrence Higgins Trust.

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What Is Gender Blindness?

By S. Nicole Lane

Gender blindness is an ideology where a person chooses not to see differences between genders. Gender blindness can be harmful. It can further gender inequalities because it ignores historical differences between people of different genders.

The reality is people are treated differently in public, relationships, health care, and throughout their daily lives because of their gender. These are factors we cannot ignore as we try to treat all individuals with respect on the road to gender equality. Due to sexism and transphobia, cisgender women and all transgender individuals are oppressed and are victimized through unconscious biases and stereotypes about them. Refusing to acknowledge how people can be oppressed or privileged because of their gender identities and if they are transgender or cisgender runs the risk of ignoring and not appropriately addressing the hardships of gender minorities and the systems of oppression that privilege cisgender men.

Gender awareness is the opposite of gender blindness. To be gender aware means to be in tune with the differences, expectations, and needs of people of different genders.

Cons of Gender Blindness

Instead of encouraging equality, gender blindness ignores the struggle that gender minorities have had to endure. It’s imperative to address these problems in order to move forward. By ignoring them, gender blindness is incredibly harmful to the future of equality.

Gender blindness is a similar to when people say they are colorblind, meaning they don’t see race. Some people may use it to hide their racism while others adopt the ideology in order to avoid taking responsibility for their racial privilege—either way, society is riddled with systematic racism and it can not be ignored or washed away. Stating that you are gender-blind holds a similar weight. Transgender people (people whose genders are different from the gender they were assigned at birth), women, and non-binary individuals are oppressed every day. By saying we don’t see societies disenfranchisement of these communities, we are saying that we don’t see the ways in how gender affect how people are treated and the kind of experiences that they have as a result.

Real change cannot occur, as a result. By minimizing or ignoring societal issues between genders, gender blindness is seen as a deterrent to future improvements. Gender blindness has the potential to help when practiced correctly, however.

Pros of Gender Blindness

Another way to look at gender blindness is to see it as a way to combat transphobia as well as sexism. Gender is not inherently tied to the sex that one is assigned at birth (yes, sex is a spectrum as well), and genders apart from man and woman exist. People can identify as man or woman, a combination of both, or neither. Transgender, gender non-conforming, and non-binary people are some examples of individuals who break stereotypes of what gender is. Gender minorities can also practice gender blindness to prevent gender roles and stereotypes about them from affecting their performance.

Professors from Stanford and Columbia looking at the importance of gender differences found that cisgender women who practice gender blindness feel more confident than women who practice gender awareness.1 In the study, women found that they were comfortable taking risks in male-dominated workplaces when they downplayed gender overall. The professors claimed that gender blindness doesn’t have to ignore the history of women but deemphasizes them instead, and that gender blindness should focus on similarities rather than differences.

The conclusions of this survey, however, barely apply to women of color, transgender women, and transgender women of color. The survey results also insinuate that it is very possible for women to downplay gender; this might be true for white cisgender women, but the relationships that transgender and cisgender women of color have with gender are exponentially more complicated because of their racial and transgender identities.

According to the study, if you ungender traits like assertiveness, confidence, risk-taking, and competitiveness, women are more willing to take on these traits as well. The study authors emphasized that gender oppression should not be downplayed or ignored. Instead, gender blindness can be used in the workplace to encourage women to embrace confidence and independence. By ungendering these traits, women gain the confidence to reclaim them.

How to Implement Gender Blindness

Sexism is deeply rooted in society, and has a lot of work to unpack and uproot stereotypes both professionally and personally. People who don’t fit into the heteronormative cisgender framework face discrimination at work, on the street, in relationships, and in everyday life. Heteronormativity is overarching dogma and belief system that presumes heterosexuality is the default, correct, and normal sexuality. It supports the gender binary.

Relationships

Using the term “gender blind” when discussing attraction can be harmful because it ignores the impact that being a transgender or cisgender woman or being another, binary or non-binary, gender has on a person’s life. It also downplays the importance that a gender identity can have in a partner’s life. While it can look inclusive because it creates a space for transgender and nonbinary people, it is more likely to actually be disrespectful and harmful.

One study looked at gender blindness in couples where one person transitioned later in the relationship and found that the couples deeply cared for one another’s personhood rather than their gender. These couples felt that their commitment and love extended beyond the gender binary.2

Pansexual

Pansexual people are attracted to all genders. Some pansexual people adopt the term “gender-blind.” This form of gender blindness is defined like this: pansexual people can be attracted to cisgender men and cisgender women, but they are also attracted to people who are intersex, trans, and nonbinary. This definition is transphobic.

Everyone of every sexuality can be attracted to people in all those groups. When gender blindness is presented as a core part of pansexuality, the individual is saying that it is not “normal” for people to be attracted to sex and gender minorities. It also insinuates that pansexuals are somehow better people for being willing to date intersex, binary trans, and nonbinary trans people.

The Arts

Gender blindness in casting, particularly in theater, is the idea that any actor can be cast in any role, regardless of gender. Some troupes when performing Shakespearean plays may have actresses playing the role of a character that has been historically played by actors, and vice versa.

The Workplace

Gender bias is often revealed in job applications. Male applicants receive more interviews than female applicants, and female applicants were offered a lower salary than male applicants although they were equally qualified in one study.3

Gender blindness seeks to address the confidence gap, which is related to salary, self-confidence, and overall performance. Whether you adopt gender blind ideologies or not, it’s imperative that workplaces encourage diversity, no matter what gender someone is.

Some steps people can take to address this issue include:

  • Educating others on what gender bias is and how it’s an issue can bring to light possible changes. Make sure employees and those in leadership know the definition of what gender bias is and how it can harm people within the workplace. Employers can also leave gender off job application forms and screen applications without looking at gendered markers like names, or purposefully seek out qualified women, trans men, and non-binary individuals to hire
  • xplain the gender pay gap and how minorities are paid less although they complete the same amount of work. It’s imperative that people learn to understand what this means for women and other gender minorities in the workforce. Employers can host trainings teaching their gender minoritized employees how to advocate for themselves concerning raises, promotions, etc.
  • Encourage awareness within the office. If someone sees gender inequality occurring, it needs to be addressed immediately. If harm occurs, it’s best to separately discuss the issue with the employees involved in order to protect the wellbeing of the gender minority while also educating the privileged employee
  • Create an environment where all employees feel supported and free to discuss any issues or concerns they have with leadership. Being cognizant of hierarchy and power imbalances in the workplace, it is also important that employers easily make available people other than leadership from whom employees can seek help if they were discriminated against. For example, employers can have anti-racist, trans friendly, and pro-women individuals as members of their human resources team
  1. Harvard Business Review. Women benefit when they downplay gender. Published July 1, 2018.
  2. University of Northern Colorado. “Love is Gender Blind”: The Lived Experiences of Transgender Couples Who Navigate One Partner’s Gender Transition. Published January 11, 2018.
  3. Moss-Racusin CA, Dovidio JF, Brescoll VL, Graham MJ, Handelsman J. Science faculty’s subtle gender biases favor male students. PNAS. 2012;109(41):16474-16479. doi:10.1073/pnas.1211286109

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What Is Heteronormativity?

By S. Nicole Lane

Heteronormativity, predicated on the gender binary, is the belief that being heterosexual (which is attraction only to a different gender) is the only normal and natural sexual orientation. Since it is based on the conception that there are only two genders, heteronormativity does not accurately reflect the reality that gender exists on a spectrum and that attraction to only similar genders or to all genders exists and are normal.

Having heteronormative assumptions may lead people to misgender someone (referring to someone with the wrong pronouns).

Definition of Heteronormativity

Assuming Everyone Is Straight 

By assuming that someone is straight, you’re erasing their sexual identity. Saying that someone is going through a phase, especially for people who identify as bisexual or pansexual, can be harmful and demeaning because it erases such identities, contributing to a lack of civil rights protections and funding aimed to support such communities. One example of erasure is the Trump administration’s refusal to add questions about gender and sexual orientation in the 2020 Census, which determines allocation of federal funding. This shows how excluding people and denying they exist has material ramifications.

Being bisexual or pansexual means someone is attracted to all genders. Erasing people who identify with these orientations is harmful and hurtful.

According to a new survey, only 48% of Gen Z youths identify as straight, while 65% of millennials identified as straight.

Within heteronormativity are the prejudices of transphobia and homophobia. Transphobia refers to discrimination against transgender people, and homophobia is discrimination against people attracted to people with similar genders. By assuming that only being straight and cisgender (someone who aligns with the gender associated with their assigned sex at birth) is normal and that everyone identifies that way, heteronormativity reinforces transphobia and homophobia.

Assuming Someone’s Gender

Heteronormativity assumes that the gender associated with a person’s assigned sex at birth is how that person identifies. Think of gender reveal parties. Society decides what gender you are—what color your clothes, bedroom, and toys will be—before you’re even born. Not everyone identifies as the gender associated with their assigned sex at birth, however.

When a child is born, they are expected to perform heteronormativity. For example, playing with a truck or playing with a doll depending on your assigned gender may be enforced by your parents and how they view your gender. Skewing away from those norms may be worrisome for parents who adhere to heteronormativity. They may struggle with the idea of their son wanting to play dress-up in clothes associated with girls, or may be upset if their little girl wants a short haircut.

A 2020 study looked at 25,000 LGBTQ people between 13 and 25 years old in the United States, and found that transgender and nonbinary youths were incredibly at risk of depression and suicide. It’s imperative to nurture a child, no matter what their identity may be and how far it strays from heteronormative beliefs.

Assuming Sex Is One Way

Penis in vagina intersource—or PIV—is believed to be the only way to have a sexual intercourse for people who adhere to heteronormativity. This is, of course, false. People can have sex without a penis at all. Sex with one or more people with penises also does not have to involve any penetration. Also, cisgender gay men sometimes have penetrative anal sex. Having “normal” sex is seen as PIV sex, while all other forms of sex is considered “different” or “abnormal” in a heteronormative society.

Monogamy

Non-monogamous relationships are seen as existing outside of heteronormative relationships. Heteronormative people tend to believe in the security of monogamy (when a person is in a romantic or sexual relationship with only one person) and their idea that these types of relationships have more trust and communication. It’s not wrong to be monogamous, but it is harmful to believe monogamy is superior to non-monogamous practices.

Non-monogamy

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for lifestyle choices that exist outside of the traditional monogamy framework. This may include polyamory, where people have several romantic partners, and an open relationship where people in a relationship are sexually involved with more than one person.

Reproduction is key for people who subscribe to heteronormativity and believe that marriage or long-term relationships should result in having a child. Their idea of a nuclear family includes children and a cisgender, heterosexual mother and father. People who aren’t married and aren’t having kids (and could be non-monogamous) are seen as “abnormal” by people who adhere to heteronormativity.

How to Combat Heteronormativity 

We can all take steps to combat the wrong beliefs of heteronormativity:

  • Work on being inclusive. Don’t assume someone’s gender or sexual orientation. Introduce yourself with your pronouns when meeting people to invite them to do so as well, and use gender neutral language to referring to people’s partners before you know about them
  • Be supportive of friends or family who are part of the LGBTQ community. Read up on resources and articles to educate yourself
  • Create a safe space for your friend or family. Make sure they feel like they are in an environment where they can be their authentic self

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Sex vs. Gender

Sex is about biology, gender is about identity

By Elizabeth Boskey, PhD

Sex and gender are two different things. Sex is about a person’s biology. It describes their chromosomal make up, their hormones, and/or their anatomy. Gender, in contrast, describes a person’s understanding of themselves as male, female, or another gender entirely.

There is a misconception that there are only two sexes—male and female. The truth is more complicated. While most people’s biology fits into those categories, other people’s bodies exist on a spectrum between them.

Individuals whose bodies can not be definitively categorized as male or female may be described as being intersex, having intersex traits, or having differences or disorders of sexual differentiation.

In addition to sexual diversity, there is a growing awareness of gender diversity among humans. This reflects the increasing visibility of transgender individuals—those whose gender identity is not what would be expected for their assigned sex at birth.

Transgender individuals may have both binary and non-binary genders, and gender, like sex, exists on a spectrum. Intersex people may also identify as transgender or gender diverse.

Understanding Sex

The biology of sex starts with a discussion of chromosomes. There are two types of sex chromosomes—X and Y. Most people have two sex chromosomes, and those with two X chromosomes are usually female and those with an X and a Y are usually male.

However, some people have one sex chromosome or three sex chromosomes. They may be categorized as intersex or as endosex (binary male or female). In addition, some people have two chromosomes but some of the genes on one of the chromosomes may not function correctly. That can lead to someone being, for example, an XY woman.

The next major aspect of biology that determines a person’s sex is their hormones and hormone receptors. Exposure to androgens, such as testosterone, leads to the development of structures associated with male sex.

Lack of exposure to androgens, or ineffective exposure to androgens, leads to the development of structures associated with female sex. Ineffective exposure to androgens occurs when there is a problem with the proteins (androgen receptors) that respond to stimulation by those hormones. Lack of exposure to androgens occurs when the body does not make testosterone or DHT.

Finally, it’s important to note that the sex recorded on a person’s birth certificate isn’t about their chromosomes or their hormones, it’s about their anatomy. While most of the time individual’s anatomy is a reflection of their chromosomal make-up, that’s not always true. Sex is more complicated than just X and Y.

Understanding Gender

Gender describes a person’s understanding of themselves as male, female, or another gender. Most people’s genders are what would be expected for their recorded sex at birth, and people for who this is true are described as cisgender. Individuals whose gender is not what would be expected for their recorded sex at birth can be described as transgender or gender diverse.

As with sex, gender has a number of components. Most of the time when talking about someone’s gender, we are talking about their gender identity, which is described above. However, in addition to gender identity, people also have gender expression.

Gender expression describes the gendered ways people present themselves to the word. This may or may not be a reflection of their gender identity. For example, a cisgender woman with short hair who likes to wear tailored suits is still a woman. A transgender man with long hair is still a man.< Gender expression is highly culturally constructed. What is understood to be a male or female presentation depends a great deal on the place and time. There was a time when pink was thought to be too strong and masculine a color for women to wear.

Sex vs. Gender

To sum up, sex is about biology, but gender is about identity. Where sex and gender match, there is generally no need to intervene. Where there is a mismatch between sex and gender, individuals may choose to seek out care.

Healthcare When Sex Differs from Gender

Some individuals whose sex and gender do not match choose to seek out gender affirming medical treatment or surgical procedures in order to affirm their gender. The goal of gender affirming care is to relieve gender dysphoria, discomfort with a mismatch between a person’s body and their identity.

However, some people conceptualize gender affirming care as being a way to achieve gender euphoria—a sense of happiness and fulfillment in their gendered body.

Intersex Care: Consent and Controversy

Historically, doctors and parents have performed early surgeries on infants and young children with intersex traits in order to “normalize” the appearance of their genitalia.

This was often not discussed with children, even as they aged, and many intersex individuals were treated without being given any knowledge of their condition or allowed to make informed decisions about consent.

It was thought that making the child’s genitals appear to be clearly male or female would make it easier for them to live as healthy, happy young men or women. However, the foundational work that established this pattern of care later turned out to have been deeply problematic

The John/Joan Case

In the 1960s, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins University, John Money, encouraged the parents of a young boy to raise him as a girl after the child experienced devastating damage to his penis during a failed circumcision.

Surgery was performed to give the child female appearing genitalia, and he was given female hormones during puberty. The child never was told that he had been born male.

The early results from his case were used to justify hundreds or thousands of unnecessary surgeries on other children with intersex conditions or other genital differences. John Money said his case demonstrated hat it was only the way of rearing that affected a person’s gender identity, and medical practice changed accordingly.

Unfortunately, John Money was wrong. In his teen years, the child rejected the female identity he had been assigned. He eventually learned that he had been born male and started undergoing medical and surgical care to help his body reflect his gender identity and the sex he had been born in.

Sadly, he suffered from depression for much of his life and committed suicide in his 30s. Even more sadly, it took years longer before the medical establishment began to consider that genital surgeries on children might not be in their best interests.

There is a growing recognition that performing genital surgeries on intersex children is a violation of their human rights that can have devastating effects on their medical, physical, and sexual health throughout their lives.1.

In the United States, prestigious children’s hospitals such as Bostons Children’s Hospital and Lurie Children’s Hospital that have historically performed these surgeries have begun to stop offering some or all non-medically necessary procedures until patients can participate in their own care.

This represents an enormous step forward in respecting the right of children to have full, happy lives that include the possibility of healthy sexual function as adults.

However, some researchers, physicians, and parents still argue that having genitals that appear to be binary is more important to children’s lives and well-being than giving them the opportunity to make decisions about their course of care.

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The Importance of Gender-Affirming Care for Closing the Gap on LGBTQ+ Health Disparities

By Elly Belle

In doctor’s offices across America, medical professionals often provide care based on the assumption that patients are cisgender and heterosexual. But LGBTQ+ patients—especially those who are trans, gender non-conforming, or nonbinary deserve better, and experts say improvements will only come when LGBTQ+ and gender-affirming health care becomes commonplace.

This type of care—which caters to the needs of these individuals without stigma or shame, and affirms patients’ sexuality and gender identity—is especially important given the significant health disparities the LGBTQ+ community faces, including increased risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV/AIDS, higher rates of mental health disorders, and an increased prevalence of houselessness and intimate partner violence.

While there are many factors that contribute to these disparities, a major one is that many LGBTQ+ folks avoid seeking medical care because they’ve experienced transphobia or homophobia in the past, or because they believe they’ll be discriminated against or don’t think they’ll receive adequate care because of provider ignorance. But the sooner affirming care becomes the standard, the less likely that is to happen.

What is gender-affirming care?

One of the first things Andrew Goodman, MD, does when he sees a patient is say his own pronouns to create a welcoming environment so patients know that their identity and needs matter. Practicing gender-affirming care is about, “not walking in with any assumptions, and understanding that knowing someone’s sex doesn’t mean you know things about their gender identity, who they have sex with, or the care they might need,” says Dr. Goodman, who is the medical director at Callen-Lorde, a health center for New York’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities. “It means that you ask and you’re open. It’s treating a patient like they are the expert of their own experience.”

Affirming care means that patients get the treatment they need for the bodies they have, not what the medical community presumes is appropriate based on the gender they were assigned at birth.

Some medical professionals presume that only women need pap smears, or that a man can’t get pregnant, but affirming care recognizes that certain services aren’t just for cisgender men and women and that trans men, nonbinary people, and intersex people are in need of reproductive care, too. It also acknowledges that patients’ sexual experiences might include people of all genders, and that hormone therapy, STI testing and treatment, contraception, and abortion are important health services for many people, regardless of sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender identity. In short: Affirming care means that patients get the treatment they need for the bodies they have, not what the medical community presumes is appropriate based on the gender they were assigned at birth.

Daria*, a nonbinary survivor of female genital mutilation (FGM), did not receive gender-affirming care when they sought help for FGM-related health care. “My heart dropped when I saw that all of the support information only mentioned women and girls. While they served people regardless of gender, the FGM department only seemed to cater to women and girls,” Daria says. “So in order to receive services, I signed up as a cis woman.” Despite the fact that they got some of the mental health care they needed, and were even offered a free gynecological exam to examine the physical effects of FGM, everything was in the context of womanhood. “Having gender-affirming health care means that as a nonbinary survivor of FGM I don’t have to compromise my gender identity in order to receive the help I need.”

Why education and advocacy are important

Bhavik Kumar, MD, MPH, the medical director of primary and trans care at Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast, explains that making a commitment to providing affirming care means educating and training staff to ensure “all the people involved in a patient’s health-care experience understand and value LGBTQ+ people.” For example, providers are taught to use neutral language and ask what body parts a patient’s sexual partners have, rather than asking if they’re sexually active with men or women. “We strive to make our health centers affirming spaces that are mindful of the indirect messages that can be so important to building trust and making our patients feel comfortable,” Dr. Kumar says.

It’s also important that patients of all ages receive this type of care, says Armonté Butler, the senior program manager of LGBTQ health and rights at Advocates for Youth, a nonprofit advocacy group dedicated to sexuality education and the prevention of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases. LGBTQ+ youth should learn from an early age that they deserve—and can receive—quality treatment, because it will help them feel comfortable seeking medical treatment later in life. Providers should also make it clear to all patients that they offer services like HIV testing and prevention, and they should be transparent about the way their practices handle insurance and confidentiality procedures. “It’s also crucial for health-care organizations to update their websites and social media to include imagery and resources for LGBTQ+ young people, including youth of color and youth living with HIV,” says Butler.

And it shouldn’t be the job of the patient to educate their health-care providers, either. “Finding affirmative and inclusive health care is like finding a needle in a haystack,” says Grey*, a nonbinary student who has received affirming care and also had negative experiences seeking health care. “Many doctors rely on their patients for education and that can cause more harm than healing,” Grey says.

At the bare minimum, providers should make sure they use inclusive language and visuals and that forms provide space for patients to list their names and pronouns. And it would be beneficial if they also offered access to hormone treatments and inclusive screenings for all gender orientations, says Jessica Halem, former Harvard Medical School LGBTQ+ outreach and engagement director.

Above all else, health-care providers should be advocates for their LGBTQ+ patients. “A primary care provider might not be comfortable with HIV care or hormone therapy, but it’s important not to say, ‘I’m not familiar with this and don’t think you should get it.’ Affirming care is, ‘I’m not familiar with this but let me go find out more about it and get you the resources you need,’’ says Dr. Goodman. This type of advocacy is a huge part of Dr. Goodman’s practice. For example, when he knows that he has to send a prescription to an external pharmacy that might use a transgender patient’s legal name instead of their chosen name, he prepares the patient so they aren’t caught off-guard. He’s even helped patients navigate the process of a legal name change so that they don’t have to worry about being deadnamed in official settings outside of health care.

And it’s important to recognize that affirming care goes beyond the front-office and patient-facing aspects of health care; the technology that powers the medical system needs updating as well. Many software systems display a patient’s legal name and sex assigned at birth, which could clash with their identity. Some software also forces doctors to make medical decisions based on assigned sex at birth and that can influence dosage amounts for prescribed medications or prompt the doctor to make improper preventative-care recommendations, explains Susanne Fortunato, founder of Wingspan Health, an inclusive patient portal. But things are changing. New software makes it possible to provide a better experience, by capturing a patient’s legal name and assigned sex and birth for insurance purposes but displaying their correct name to front desk staff, incorporating all gender markers and pronouns, and using displays that look the same for all patients in order to protect their privacy.

Making affirming care the new standard

Often, without the proper systems in place, LGBTQ+ people are left to fend for themselves or accept being misgendered or improperly treated. But it doesn’t need to be this way. “You might think you’re not in the position to question an experience, but you can give feedback to your provider,” Dr. Goodman says. And if you feel comfortable doing so, it might help bring about change. That said, if you’re not getting the care you deserve, you can leave and find a new provider. The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (GLMA) specifically has a provider directory that lists the affirming and competent practices in the United States.

If you work in health care or feel comfortable sharing resources with your medical providers, you can be a driving force for change. Some resources to consult include the University of California San Francisco’s transgender care guidelines and Essential Access Health’s guide to Providing Inclusive Care for LGBTQ Patients. These guides explain how to avoid stereotypes and assumptions about patients’ sexual orientations and gender identities and offer samples of inclusive intake forms and updated ways of keeping health records. And they don’t just cover the ways that doctors treat patients; they touch on why it’s critical for all staff, especially those who have contact with patients (such as outreach workers, front-desk staff, assistants, and those who handle billing and insurance) to have LGBTQ+ affirming training. Ultimately, any and every interaction in health care sets the foundation for patients to feel cared for.

As things change, there will be providers who worry that implementing inclusive care will push some patients away. But Dr. Goodman explains it’s necessary for health-care professionals to understand that patients who don’t like the changes will probably have access to care elsewhere, while marginalized patients often don’t have that option. That’s why creating a welcoming space for the people who are the least likely to have access to those spaces must be the priority.

“A lot of change starts small and is incremental,” Dr. Goodman says. “Maybe right now all you can change is what happens in your exam room, but that can be so powerful.”

*Name was changed to protect privacy.

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10 sexual health tips for trans and non-binary people

By Ellis K

Everyone has a right to healthy, happy sex. But trans, non-binary and gender diverse people are too often left out of mainstream information relating to health and wellbeing. This means trans and non-binary people are often reliant on guesswork and reading between the lines to find what’s relevant and what’s not.

This came through loud and clear when sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust asked more than 200 trans and non-binary people about their sexual health and current provision.

“As trans people, we need to see ourselves in sexual health campaigns and know that the information is written with us in mind,” says sexual health clinician Dr Kate Nambiar.

That’s exactly what the charity put into action – utilising the feedback for the development of its brand new trans and non-binary sexual health information in terms of everything from content to tone.

The information was produced by trans and non-binary staff at Terrence Higgins Trust and developed in conjunction with members of the trans community. Dr Nambiar was the project’s peer reviewer.

The new webpages and print leaflet feature eight trans and non-binary people of different ethnicities, shapes and sizes. In line with feedback, the imagery is empowering and positive – a departure from how trans people are too often depicted.

“I decided to be a part of this resource because I want trans people, however they identify, to know that they are worthy of having an enjoyable and healthy sex life,” says Rory Finn, health promotion specialist at Terrence Higgins Trust who was part of the project group. “Our bodies deserve to be empowered and celebrated, just like everyone else.”

The specialist sexual health information for trans and non-binary people is now available on Terrence Higgins Trust’s website. But – for a flavour – here is the charity’s top 10 sexual health tips for trans and non-binary people.

1) Spend some quality time with yourself

There is no one way to be trans or non-binary, everyone’s different. Masturbation is a good way to get to know what you like and feels good – when you know, you can show your partners what you want. This is true for everyone, but especially so if you’ve just had gender-affirming surgeries and are looking to explore your new body parts. There are a variety of toys on the market that can help with sex. Try different things out. What works for others may not work for you.

2) Checking in

Figured out what you like? Tell your partners. Communication before and during sex can sometimes be awkward and take some practice, but it’s the best way to ensure you are both happy and comfortable with what’s happening. You have the right to enjoy sex and you shouldn’t feel like you have to use parts of your body if you don’t want to. Checking in before sex is also a great time to decide on what barriers and protections you are going to use.

3) Do things your way

Clothing can be affirming, and keeping it on can sometimes mean better sex. Some trans masculine people find that continuing to use clothing like binders and packers during sex feels good. Learning to negotiate the sex that you want, and experience pleasure with potentially new body parts can take time. You might need time to build up confidence and learn new skills to help you negotiate safer sex. You should never be pushed into anything that you are uncomfortable with.

4) Find the best barrier methods for you

STIs can be passed on from all types of sex with all types of body parts and sex toys. Using a barrier such as a condom or dam along with water-based lube is the best way to protect against STIs. Recent lower surgery means unhealed skin, which can make it easier for you to acquire or pass on HIV as bleeding can provide a route into or out of your body. Discuss with your surgeon what kind of activity you can do and how soon. If you’re a trans masculine and on testosterone (T), remember that it’s not an effective form of contraception, but condoms are. The coil, implant, injection or pill can also be safely taken with T. Likewise, hormone therapy for trans feminine people doesn’t provide adequate contraceptive protection.

5) Negotiating condoms

It’s not always easy to discuss condoms before sex, but there are some useful tips to help get them in play. Make sure you have condoms and lube with you and that you’ve practised using them before you have sex. You can make putting on a condom part of play. Passing a condom to a partner can be understood to mean you want to be fucked – it also signals that you want to use a condom for this.

6) Is PrEP right for you

PrEP is a pill that protects you from HIV, taken before and after sex. It doesn’t affect or interact with hormone treatment. PrEP might be right for you if you’re HIV negative and have sex in a variety of situations where condoms are not easily or always used. It gives you empowerment, particularly if you are a receptive partner, or bottom, by taking control over protecting yourself from HIV transmission. There’s also PEP, a treatment that can stop an HIV infection after the virus has entered a person’s body (for example, if you’ve had sex and the condom fails). To work, PEP must be taken within 72 hours (three days), and ideally should be taken within 24 hours. You can get PrEP for free on the NHS from a sexual health clinic, and PEP from a clinic or A&E.

7) Tell a mate you’re hooking up

If you’re planning on meeting someone from a dating app, it’s a good idea to tell a friend where you’re going, when they can expect you to come back and who you’re planning to meet.

8) Be prepared

Just planning on meeting someone for a coffee or quick drink? Plans can change, so make sure you’ve got some condoms and lube with you.

9) Test, test, test

Getting screened regularly is a way to reduce the risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Have a sexual health screen at least once every year, and more frequently if you change partners or have casual or new partners. STI screening is quick, free, and painless and you can take your own samples from the body parts you use for sex. These days, there are more ways than ever, including ordering a self-test kit online.

10) Regular check-ups

If you have a cervix then it’s important to get a cervical screening test every three years from the age of 25 (or every five years from 50 to 64). If you’ve changed your name and gender with your GP, you may not receive letters to remind you to go for a screen.

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