Category Archives: Sex And Substances

Early Spring 2014 Q&A Show — Podcast #413 — 03/31/14


Hey sex fans,rifleman

After a spate of marvelous interview shows, it’s time to turn our attention to the sexually worrisome in our audience. I have a swell Q&A show in store for you today, which just so happens to be our last podcast before our annual spring break. Each of my correspondents is eager to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining. And I think there will be enough time for us to do some sex science too. So please stay tuned, you won’t want to miss this.

  • Kennedy, Jim, and Ronald’s lives are being fucked up by meth.
  • Sam wants to know about and share some information about penis pumps.
  • Rebecca has a heartbreaking story to tell of the last days before her husband of 46 years died.
  • Tracy asks about babies and gender. So you know it’s time for some Sex Science.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Sobriety & Sex

Name: Gregg
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Seattle
Since getting sober now almost 8 years ago I am very tense about sex and I feel as though I have lost my mojo. I am unable to relax and be intimate with a man and I am thinking I need an intimacy coach or sex coach, or something. Perhaps someone with tantra training who can help me find a comfort level with my body again and being touched and touching another.

Hey, thanks for your interesting question. Sadly, yours is not an uncommon concern. In fact, I just finished an 8-week group for men in recovery who were dealing with similar intimacy issues. A lot of the work we did together was helping one another reestablish a sense of trust.

legs & bootsSo many of us gay men start out our sexual lives with alcohol and/or drugs to help us overcome our inhibitions as well as a means of dulling some of the anti-gay messaging that comes to us from the world around us. Sometimes, the substances take hold of us and instead of we being in control the substances are in control. There was one guy in the group I just mentioned who is in his 5o’s, and he confessed to the group that before he got clean and sober, a couple years ago, he had never had sex sober. And he had been sexually active since his early twenties.

Substance abuse can rob us of more than just our dignity. It often effects our sexual response cycle in ways that diminish our ability to enjoy our sexuality. Men often report erection problems and women report arousal phase problems when they come off booze and or drugs. This, as you suggest, impacts on our comfort level in all intimate situations. If our parts aren’t working like we would want them to, we’d rather avoid intimate contact rather than be embarrassed. So, in other words, when we rid ourselves of the substances that once enabled us, we often need to relearn how to be ourselves, particularly in intimate situations.

Learning to trust others enough to open ourselves to others, even with our “brokenness,” is the key to regaining our sense of sexual self. We need to learn how to overcome our shame, which often gets in the way of reaching out to others. And if some of our shame is unresolved internalized homophobia, well then, we really have some work to do.tit bite

I think you’ve hit upon the perfect solution to your pressing problem. Working with a sex coach or intimacy coach is definitely one way to go. For those challenged, as you are, verbal therapy is great. But there is no substitute for actual hands-on therapy.

I know several people who have been helped by a surrogate partner or a sexual healer. I applaud you for thinking so creatively. Of course, finding the right person to work with will be a challenge. And I should mention that other helping professionals, even some sexologists, do not always look upon these kinds of interventions as legitimate. That’s a pity, but what are ya gonna do.

As you know, there are loads of sex workers out there. Unfortunately, very few have the training needed to provide surrogate partner therapy, or understand the delicate issues that a trained sexual healer must deal with. I hope you find what you are looking for.

If you need someone to discuss this with further, give me a shout. You’ll find my contact information on either the ABOUT page or the THERAPY AVAILABLE page in the header above.

Good luck

Year’s End 2013 Q&A Show — Podcast #399 — 12/09/13


Hey sex fans,caution

I have a swell Q&A show in store for you today. I have a whole bunch of very interesting correspondents vying for their moment in the sun, so to speak. Each one is ready to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

  • Karen loves her husband, but they’re not really talking to one another.
  • Darren is shooting meth into his dick, what could be wrong with that, he wonders.
  • 10 Fun Facts About Penises.
  • Trisha loves butt sex, but she also has a hemorrhoidal flair up.
  • And finally, Part 1 of my lengthy answer to Candice about porn for women.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Giddyup

It’s Product Review Friday again! This week I have Part 1, of a two part series, aimed at the men folk in our audience. This week’s product, as well as next week’s product, come to us from the ingenious people over at Bodispa.  When they sent us two of their massagers for us to review early last summer, we had no idea what kind of interesting things would soon follow. If you haven’t been keeping tract of the reviews, all meand do! Simply use the search function in the header and type in “Bodispa” and PRESTO. All the products we’ve review will appear.

Dr Dick Review Crew member, Carlos, is here with his thoughts and comments on today’s product.

Tigra 24 capsules —— $29.95

Carlos
Wow! Here we are at the end of 2013 and I’m just getting around to positing my first review of the year. Last time I posted, I was lucky enough to review one of last 2012’s Best Products of the Year. I reviewed the Deuce Male Harness.  This time around I think I have another winner.

Those of you who follow my reviews will know that I disclosed last year that I had prostate cancer and that I had a radical prostatectomy, which removed my prostate gland as well as some of the surrounding tissue. This totally devastated my sex life. Not only did my parts no longer work, I couldn’t get an erection to save my life, but I had no libido either. I mean I was never a sexual maniac or anything, but I always enjoyed sex and thought I was pretty good at it. And I gotta tell ya, not having things work like they should, can be very depressing. I used to take all of this for granted. Not any more.

Over the past 18 months, since my surgery, I’ve been working at regaining a sense of my sexual-self. It’s been a slow process. Mostly it involves masturbation. With the help of a penis pump and a cockring, I’m beginning to enjoy an erection again. This is where today’s product, Tigra, comes in. By the way, this product comes to us from the Bodispa people out of Canada.TIGRA small

Tigra is what we here at the Review Crew lovingly call a boner pill. It’s a safe, all natural herbal erection enhancing formula. Look HERE for a list of ingredients.

Perhaps you are like me; I’ve tried other erection enhancers only to be disappointed or concerned that these products are not what they say they are. But one thing Tigra can say about itself, that no other similar product can claim, is that it is certified by Health Canada.

Tigra is more of a supplement than some kind of a Viagra knockoff. It’s the kind of product that builds up in your system and not one that simply provides a jolt from the blue. One of the reasons I don’t take the pharmaceuticals or their knockoffs is I don’t like all the side effects — headache, that flushed feeling, upset stomach, rise in blood pressure, or altered vision.

The suggested dose for Tigra is one or two capsules daily. I found that one is plenty for me. I did experience an improved erection after a few days on Tigra. But more importantly, I seem to have more of an interest in sex since I started using this product. I’m not anywhere near where I once was before my diagnosis and surgery, but I’ve learned, from working with Dr Dick on this, that I need to stay focused on what’s possible for me now because this is my new normal.

The thing I’m most grateful for, now that I have been using Tigra, is I’ve regained some of my lost confidence. I can’t tell you how important that is to me. So I’m thinking, if this product has made such a big impact on my sex life, with all the problems I’ve been having lately, I’m pretty confident that other guys, with just run of the mill erection concerns, will benefit too. Let’s face it; even if we care for ourselves, eat right, and get lots of exercise, the aging process takes its toll. Tigra might be just the lift, no pun intended, that you need to regain your sexual edge.

At the same time, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression. Tigra isn’t some kind of miracle potion, nor is it an aphrodisiac, whatever that is. But it does stimulate blood flow to my genitals, gives me an energy boost, it also stimulates my libido, and all that builds my confidence. Frankly, when you have all that goin for ya, ya don’t need a miracle.
Full Review HERE!

ENJOY!

Thou Shalt Not

Name: Lynn
Gender: Female
Age: 36
Location: Toronto
I’m a mother of three great kids. My oldest, who is in middle school, went to camp for the first time this past summer. A local church group sponsors the camp every year. When my husband and I asked him about his time away from home, he said rather noncommittally; “It was ok.” He seemed to like it well enough, but you know how uncommunicative kids can be at that stage.
Anyhow, yesterday I was packing away some summer stuff for the winter and discovered a pamphlet in my son’s backpack that he used at camp. It was for an “Abstinence Only” program. It was full of the most dreadful sex-negative fear and shame. It was awful. We are not raising our kids like that; my husband and I were appalled.
Now we’re wondering if this is why our son was so unenthusiastic about his camp experience. Do you think we should quiz him on this?
What gives with this kind of indoctrination anyway? I thought that those “Abstinence Only” programs had been discredited.

So wait; are you sayin’ that you think just because a social engineering strategy, like abstinence-only, has been debunked that it wouldn’t still be employed by certain factions of our culture? Oh hun, I think you oughta rethink that supposition right away, don’t cha know.abstinence_only-1

I mean, come on! There are loads of outdated and discredited philosophies still being promulgated as a means to ensnare the uninformed and gullible. I don’t know about ya’ll up there in Canadaville, but here in Amercanski land we have a whole segment of our population who believes that creationism as a viable explanation for the universe. In fact, one or another of these idiots runs for national office, even for President of these here United States, as a Republican in every election cycle.

So, as you can see, there’s not necessarily a connection between what has been discredited and what is still wildly popular in some segments of our population.

Way back in the spring of 2007, a long-awaited congressionally funded national study concluded that abstinence-only sex education does not keep teenagers from having sex. Nor does it increase the likelihood that, if they do have sex, they will use a condom.

Authorized by Congress in 1997, the study followed 2000 children from elementary and middle school into high school. The children lived in four communities — two urban, two rural. All of the children received the family life services available in their community; in addition, slightly more than half of them also received abstinence-only education.

By the end of the study, when the average child was just shy of 17, half of both groups had remained abstinent. The sexually active teenagers had sex the first time at about age 15. Less than a quarter of them, in both groups, reported using a condom every time they had sex. More than a third of both groups had two or more partners.

So if abstinence-only programs don’t work, at least the way they are supposed to; why do we still have them? Ahhh, good question. We still have them because for a large segment of the population, especially those who are makin’ all them babies, it’s easier to just tell their kids “NO” than to step up to the plate and educate their kids about sex in a wholesome and holistic way.

Bennett editorial cartoonAnother problem is that the word abstinence often means something quite different to kids than it does to adults. That’s one reason why abstinence-only programs do not have strong effects in preventing teenage sexual activity. At least that’s what a University of Washington study found.

The researchers found that interventions that encourage abstinence treat abstinence and sexual activity as opposites. Teenagers, on the other hand, don’t consider them to be mutually exclusive concepts. Like in the congressionally sponsored study, the UW researchers found abstinence-only programs are less likely to work than more comprehensive sex-education programs because they are not speaking the same language as adolescents.

The study also showed that attitudes and intentions about sex were more powerful than attitudes and intentions about being abstinent. No surprise there, I suppose.

Again, I don’t know how things are there in Canada, but down here there is no federal funding for comprehensive sex-education. But there’s a shit-load of funding for abstinence-only programs. Funding mushroomed from $9 million in1997 to $176 million in 2007. Leave it to congress to dump loads of money into a program that doesn’t work. But such is the power of the conservative religious lobby. They are the people who back these programs.

This wouldn’t be such a big issue if it didn’t hold such dire consequences. For example, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate among all first-world nations. The rates of sexually transmitted diseases in this country are also astronomical. If we want to keep our young people safe from the negative aspects of casual sex, abstinence-only programs are not the way to go.abstinence

However, more comprehensive programs that include abstinence as one choice are much more likely to have a more productive outcome. Besides, is it ever a good idea to try and motivate people with fear and shame? I don’t think so.

Since abstinence-only programs often only look at the negatives of sex, it doesn’t really empower a young person to take responsibility for his/her behaviors. This is particularly thorny for young women who often bear the brunt the peer pressures to be sexual. And they have way more at stake in terms of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

When kids aren’t expected to take responsibility for their behaviors, especially in terms of sexuality, it cripples their ability to make good life-affirming choices. Abstinence-only programs disqualify all sexual options, even the relatively innocuous behaviors like mutual masturbation and oral sex. So if all sexual options are equally out of bounds, there’s no way for the average kid to distinguish between harmless and risky behaviors. And this is what leads to the high rate of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies.

If we want our kids to grow up with healthy and integrated attitudes about sex, ones that will lead to more loving and fulfilling sexual relationships later in life, we ought teach from a more sex-positive theory.

Back to the other question you raise; the one about quizzing your son about his camp experience. I think that would be great. It would let him know that you care, that you don’t support this fear and shame-based approach to human sexuality and that he doesn’t have to embrace it either.

Good Luck

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