The ugly return of homophobia

— Bigotry is coming from the progressive establishment

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As a child of the Eighties and Nineties, I remember well that homosexuals were fair game in the mainstream media. One columnist in The Star railed against “Wooftahs, pooftahs, nancy boys, queers, lezzies — the perverts whose moral sin is to so abuse the delightful word ‘gay’ as to render it unfit for human consumption”. After the death of Freddie Mercury, sympathy in The Mail on Sunday was limited. “If you treat as a hero a man who died because of his own sordid sexual perversions,” one writer cautioned, “aren’t you infinitely more likely to persuade some of the gullible young to follow in his example?”

It was sadly inevitable that the AIDS crisis would exacerbate this ancient prejudice. A headline in The Sun declared that “perverts are to blame for the killer plague”. And while a writer for the Express held “those who choose unnatural methods of self-gratification” responsible for the disease, letters published in its pages followed suit. One reader called for the incarceration of homosexuals. “Burning is too good for them,” wrote another. “Bury them in a pit and pour on quicklime.” Someone had been reading his Dante.

I happened to come out in a much less hostile climate. In the early 2000s, we were enjoying a kind of Goldilocks moment, neither too hot nor too cold. We weren’t generally on the receiving end of homophobic slurs, but nor were we patronised by well-meaning progressives. My memory of this time was that no one particularly cared, and I was more than happy with that. Being gay for me has never been an identity, it’s simply a fact, as unremarkable as being blue-eyed or right-handed.

And so it has been troubling to see a resurgence in the last few years of the kind of anti-gay rhetoric that was commonplace in my childhood. Of course, it could be argued that the rise of social media has simply exposed sentiments that were previously only expressed in private. As Ricky Gervais has pointed out, before the digital era “we couldn’t read every toilet wall in the world. And now we can.”

Yet the most virulent homophobia appears to be coming from a new source. Whereas we have always been accustomed to this kind of thing from the far-Right — one recalls Nick Griffin’s remark on Question Time about how he finds the sight of two men kissing “really creepy” — but now the most objectionable anti-gay comments arise in online spheres occupied by gender ideologues, from those who claim to be progressive, Left-wing and “on the right side of history”. The significant difference is that the word “cis” has been added to the homophobe’s lexicon. Some examples:

“Cis gay men are a disease.”

“Cis gay men are truly some of the most grotesque creatures to burden this earth.”

“I hate cis gay people with a burning passion.”

“If you’re a cis gay man and your sexuality revolves around you not liking female genitalia I hope you die and I will spit on your grave.”

“Cis gays don’t deserve rights.”

“There’s so many reasons to hate gay people, most specifically white gays, but there’s never a reason to be a transphobe.”

“It’s time to normalise homophobia.”

Of course, any bile can be found on the internet, but these kinds of phrases are remarkably commonplace among certain online communities. Even a cursory search will reveal innumerable examples of gender ideologues casually branding gay men “fags” or “faggots”, praising the murder of gays and lesbians, and claiming that the AIDS epidemic was a positive thing. Many thousands of examples had been collated on Google Photos under the title “Woke homophobia: anti-gay hatred & boxer ceiling abuse from trans activists & gender-identity ideologues”. The site was taken down last year, presumably because it violated Google’s policy on hate speech — or perhaps because it revealed the toxicity of the ideology the company has spent so long promoting.

If such ideas were restricted to the demented world of internet activism, we might be justified in simply ignoring it. But we now know that the overwhelming majority of adolescents referred to the Tavistock paediatric gender clinic were same-sex attracted. Whistleblowers have spoken out about the endemic homophobia, not simply among clinicians but also parents who were keen to “fix” their gay offspring. And of course there was the running joke among staff that soon “there would be no gay people left”.

And now a series of leaked internal messages and videos from WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health), has revealed that clinicians in the leading global organisation for transgender healthcare have openly admitted in private that some teenagers mistake being same-sex attracted for gender dysphoria. The result of the “gender-affirming” approach has amounted to what one former Tavistock clinician recently described as “conversion therapy for gay kids”. Homosexuality was removed from the World Health Organisation’s list of psychiatric disorders in 1993, and yet here we are medicalising it all over again.

So how did we reach the point where gay conversion therapy is being practised in plain sight by the NHS? Much of the responsibility has to lie with Stonewall, a group that once promoted equal rights for gay people but now actively works against their interests. It has even gone so far as to redefine “homosexual” on its website and resource materials as “same-gender attracted”. It should go without saying that gay men are not attracted to women who identify as men, any more than lesbians should be denounced for excluding those with penises from their dating pools. What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.

“What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.”

Indeed, activists often claim that “genital preferences are transphobic”, or that sexual orientation based on biological sex is a form of “trauma”. The idea that homosexuality is a sickness was one of the first homophobic tropes I encountered as a child. Now it is being rebranded as progressive.

As for Stonewall, its former CEO Nancy Kelley went so far as to argue that women who exclude trans people as potential partners are analogous to “sexual racists”. She claimed that “if you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it’s worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions”. It is worth remembering that Stonewall is deeply embedded in many governmental departments and quangos, as well as corporate and civic institutions. Anti-gay propaganda is being reintroduced into society from the very top.

Meanwhile, the Crown Prosecution Service has been meeting with trans lobby groups such as Mermaids and Stonewall to discuss changes to prosecutorial policy in cases of sex by deception. Since these meetings — only revealed after sustained pressure from a feminist campaigner who submitted Freedom of Information requests — the CPS has recommended what Dennis Kavanagh of the Gay Men’s Network has described as “a radical trans activist approach to sex by deception prosecutions that would see them all but vanish”. In trans activist parlance, the barriers to having sex with lesbians and gay men are known as the “cotton ceiling” and “boxer ceiling”. Now it seems the establishment is attempting to support the coercion of gay people into heterosexual activity.

Consider a recent post on X by Stephen Whittle, OBE, a professor of equalities law at Manchester Metropolitan University. In a reply to LGB Alliance’s Bev Jackson, Whittle took issue with the notion that “love is all about genitals” (an argument that Jackson has never made). Having dismissed this straw man as “a very hetero/homo-normative perspective”, Whittle then claimed that “a lot of gay men can’t resist a young furry ftm [female-to-male] cub”.

While it is true that there are some bisexuals who identify as gay, it is simply not the case that homosexual men “can’t resist” certain kinds of women. As Jackson rightly noted in her response, this is rank homophobia, “disturbed and disturbing on every level”. Yet it has been expressed by an individual who has been described as a “hero for LGBTQ+ equality”. With heroes like these, who needs villains?

Another example is Davey Wavey, a popular online influencer, who has encouraged gay men to perform heterosexual acts in a video called “How to Eat Pussy — For Gay Men”. It may as well have been called “Gay Conversion Therapy 2.0”. We are firmly back in the Eighties, where gays are being told that they “just haven’t found the right girl yet” and lesbians are assured that they just “need a good dick”. And yet now these demeaning ideas are being propagated by those who claim to be defending the rights of sexual minorities.

The Government’s recent guidance on how schools are to accommodate trans-identified pupils — in which biological sex will take precedence over identity — has been met with horror from gender ideologues. One of the common refrains one hears from activists is that it represents “this generation’s Section 28”. But this is to get it precisely backwards. Gay rights were secured on the recognition that a minority of the population are same-sex attracted. In dismantling the very notion of sex and substituting it for this nebulous concept of “gender identity”, activists and their disciples in parliament are undoing all of the achievements of previous gay rights movements.

The widespread homophobia of the Eighties, epitomised by Section 28, was based on the notion that homosexuality was unnatural, dangerous and ought to be corrected. Present-day gender identity ideology perceives homosexuality as evidence of misalignment between soul and body. In other words, it seeks to “fix” gay people so that they fit into a heterosexual framework. It is no coincidence that so many detransitioners are gay people who were simply struggling with their sexuality. Gender identity ideology is the true successor to Section 28.

The proponents of this revamped gay conversion therapy dismiss our concerns as “transphobia” and “bigotry”, or as part of a manufactured “culture war”. Worse still, the new homophobia is being cheered on by those it will hurt most. While prominent gay figures continue to feed the beast that wishes to devour them, we are unlikely to see this dire situation improve any time soon. It was bad enough in the Eighties, when gay people were demonised and harassed by the establishment. Who thought we would have to fight these battles all over again?

Complete Article HERE!

New study reveals 10% of Americans have history of bisexual behavior

— There are three times more people reporting partners of more than one gender than in the 1990s.

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A recent study revealed a substantial increase in the number of Americans who either identify as bisexual or have a history of bisexual behavior. 9.6% of respondents reported having both male and female partners, over three times more than what was reported in the 1990s.

The study, published by researchers Martin A. Monto and Sophia Neuweiler in The Journal of Sex Research, utilizes the General Social Survey dataset, a nationally representative sample of over 32,000 participants. The survey aims to carefully represent each demographic of the United States, and follows up with participants across each successive decade in order to assess how responses may change over time. An additional 2,300 participants were added in the 2021 wave.

The study used a variety of tools to try and measure sexual orientation and prior sexual behavior. This includes a question that asks respondents to reply with their sexual orientation – either gay/lesbian/homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual/straight.

For sexual behavior, the study asked participants to recall whether their past sexual partners were of the same or a different sex, with additional questions asking about whether their partners were male or female. These responses were narrowed down by the researchers to those who had multiple sexual partners in the past year.

Using a method called regression analysis, the researchers determined what the relationships were between their measures of sexual orientation and behavior with gender, assessing how these relationships changed over time. They found that not only were participants more likely to identify as bisexual than in previous years, but that there were more participants identifying as bisexual than gay or lesbian.

However, they found the reverse trend for sexual partners, with more respondents being exclusively of the same sex than those who had both male and female sexual partners. The authors also note that women were more likely than men to report being bisexual or having a history of bisexual behavior, with men being more likely to report exclusive same-sex behavior.

In addition, this study also found that young people were more likely to identify as bisexual, with 10% of those below 29 and 12% of those in their 30s identifying as such.

This study reflects the changing landscape of Americans identifying as LGBTQ+. Previous studies have suggested similar trends, with more Americans identifying as LGBTQ+. In those prior studies, bisexuality was also the most frequent orientation behind heterosexuality.

The authors detail how this demographic shift showcases a “loosening of the social norms and institutional enforcement that have privileged heterosexuality over other sexual orientations,” with modern demographics being more accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals than in the past few decades.

They suggest that a reason there may be a discrepancy between identification and behavior in their results is due to how behavior may capture those simply exploring their sexuality before coming to a new identity.

In addition, they also point out how “sexual orientation can be fluid, with some people changing their sexual behavior and/or their sexual orientation identities over time.”

Finally, they detail that “even persons who have more recently had partners of both sexes may not consider themselves bisexual, and the term may not fit their understandings of themselves and their sexual behavior.”

The authors conclude by calling for more research that “can better recognize that the terms with which we identify ourselves are social and that there is some degree of choice about how to identify our sexual orientation, particularly among individuals with histories of both male and female partners”

Complete Article HERE!

The Lesbian Bed Death could be plaguing thousands of women

Lesbian Bed Death is a contraversial term used to describe gay couples’ sex lives

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It may be 2024, but one controversial term from the 1980s is coming back from the grave.

Lesbian Bed Death is, simply put, the idea that lesbian couples have less sex.

It’s a sweeping generalisation of the gay community, but why has it gained traction?

‘Research by Blumstein & Schwartz in 1983 showed 47% of women in long term lesbian relationships (two plus years) reported having sex zero to one times per month. There was a sharp decline after two years,’ Miranda Christophers, psychosexual and relationship therapist for menopause platform Issviva tells Metro.co.uk.

Further studies including a literature review by Peplau & Fingerhut in 2007 found that lesbian couples have sex less frequently, on average, than other couple configurations.

Miranda also points to a recent 2021 study, by Chapman University in California, which found women in five-year relationships or longer have less frequent sex than their heterosexual counterparts.

About 43% of the coupled lesbian participants had sex zero to one times per month, while the findings for the heterosexual women was 16%, implying more straight women had more frequent sex.

There is research which suggests lesbian couples have less sex than heterosexual couples
There is research which suggests lesbian couples have less sex than heterosexual couples

While we certainly aren’t going to buy into the idea that all lesbian women have, and are content with, sexless relationships, Miranda explains why sex could die out.

‘Lesbian couples, but broadly speaking, anyone of any sexual orientation, do see a change in the frequency of sex over long term relationships,’ she adds.

‘Earlier on there is more sexual drive and exploration, regardless of gender identity – especially when you live together and experience that domesticity and familiarity.’

But why is this the case for lesbian women specifically?

Miranda says that hormonal changes can really impact the frequency with which women choose to have sex.

‘The hormonal fluctuations may play a big part, people have periods where they might feel more desire than others,’ she explains.

‘Studies have shown that responsive desire occurs more commonly in females than spontaneous desire, which is definitely something I see in my clinical work.

‘If you’ve got two people together who experience more responsive desire, they might be less inclined to have sex because they aren’t wanting to initiate.’

Miranda believes one of the reasons lesbian couples could have less sex is because of hormonal changes
Miranda believes one of the reasons lesbian couples could have less sex is because of hormonal changes

Emily Nagoski, in her book Come As You Are, estimates that around 75% of men and 15% of women experience spontaneous sexual desire, which is exactly what it suggests.

Meanwhile, 5% of men and 30% of women experience responsive desire, which is when arousal only happens after stimulation.

How to navigate responsive arousal:

Sex therapist Laura’s top tips for dealing with responsive arousal (and recognising when you actually want to have sex) are as follows:

  • Understand that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you’re normal.
  • Try different things to spark your sex drive. You have no desire for sex until you are in the process of receiving some physical stimulation so you need to find out what works for you.
  • Understand how you get turned on. The point is to find out if you notice any sign of sexual arousal in response to stimulation and when exactly it happens.
  • Practice orgasm breathing. It can really help to relax, increase sensitivity, and switch off the brain. This practice helps bring arousal and orgasm closer.
  • Work on external factors – if a person is not aroused by erotic thoughts or fantasies, some other factors can do their part – preparing an intimate setting or practicing with various erogenous zones, toys.

Everybody’s libido is different, so enjoy getting to know yourself without the pressure, and have fun doing it!

The other thing women experience which can wreak havoc on their hormones, and subsequently affect their sex drive, is the menopause.

‘The menopause affecting sex drive is definitely a thing. When women hit perimenopause they can notice changes in their sexual desire. It’s a really, really common presentation in the women I see,’ Miranda explains.

Some menopause symptoms that could impact your sex life are breast tenderness, low mood, worsening PMS, vaginal dryness and changes in discharge, thrush, BV, low libido, urinary infections, sexual dysfunction, fatigue, increased period frequency and insomnia – to name a few.

‘How women are feeling in themselves changes… body image changes,’ Miranda adds. ‘They may experience sexual discomfort, or they may be less sexual, there may be less sensitivity.

‘There may also be less lubrication or increased dryness and the vaginal tissue might thin and become more painful.

‘These sorts of things are obviously going to have an effect on [your sex life] because if sex isn’t feeling as enjoyable, or is feeling painful, then you are less inclined to want to do it.’

When you have two women experiencing these changes (assuming couples are of a similar age) this could in theory lead to lesbian women having less sex, Miranda explains, although there are plenty of women who still have sex despite the menopause and with HRT, hormones can be balanced for some women.

Ultimately lesbian bed death isn't applicable for a lot of lesbian couples and as long as a couple is happy with their sex life, the frequency of sex doesn't matter
Ultimately lesbian bed death isn’t applicable for a lot of lesbian couples and as long as a couple is happy with their sex life, the frequency of sex doesn’t matter

Why we should reject the Lesbian Bed Death

This ‘drop off’ of sexual intimacy certainly won’t be the case for all lesbian couples though. It’s also important to remember that our sex lives sit on a spectrum, according to Miranda.

Largely, Lesbian Bed Death should be a term taken with a pinch of salt – after all, to reduce lesbian women in long term relationships to cohabiters is plain wrong.

In fact, a study has shown that while lesbian women were found to have less frequent sex, the sex they did have was ‘more prolonged, intense, and orgasmic’, than those in heterosexual relationships.

The Chapman University study also found women in same-sex relationships were found to be more likely to experience orgasm at 85%, versus 66% in heterosexual relationships.

Lesbian women also had sex that lasted more than 30 minutes (72%), versus 48% for heterosexual women.

What areas did lesbian couples have more frequent sex in?

  • Oral sex: lesbian (53%), heterosexual (41%)
  • Deep kissing: lesbian (80%), heterosexual (71%)
  • Stimulation by hand: lesbian (90%), heterosexual (83%)
  • Use of sex toys in partnered sex: lesbian (62%), heterosexual (40%)
  • Discussed erotic fantasies: lesbian (44%), heterosexual (36%)

Percentages were higher for lesbians when it came to mood setting activities including using music, candles, saying ‘I love you’, scheduling time for sex and arranging romantic breaks.

Miranda also says that the implications of a death bed are pretty dire, when actually some lesbian couple’s sex lives may not suffer at all.

‘This concept of lesbian bed death, is it’s almost this idea sex is going to drop off completely,’ she explains. ‘It sounds like it’s going to meet an abrupt ending at some point, doesn’t it? I think that’s a complete misconception.’

She adds: ‘It’s a bit scare mongering. For some couples, if neither party is bothered, then less or no sex is not an issue – it’s an issue when one wants to have sex and the and the other doesn’t.

‘That’s also regardless of whether it’s a same sex couple or an opposite sex couple.’

While Miranda does see plenty of women struggling with a lack of desire, a lack of sex or intimacy but that’s because she only sees people who are struggling with their relationships in her line of work.

There are countless lesbian couples who aren’t experiencing Lesbian Bed Death and are have sex as and when they want.

‘I see both same sex and opposite relationships who are experiencing desire discrepancy so my observations are that desire, interest, frequency and enjoyment of sex is not determined by gender, sexuality or relationship configuration,’ Miranda says.

Complete Article HERE!

What you should know about coming out as LGBTQ+ in your 20s and 30s

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For LGBTQ+ baby boomers, coming out in your 30s was the norm. The average age to come out among Gen Z is in your teens.

Greater social acceptance and more LGBTQ+ representation in culture, such as the Netflix series Heartstopper and Sex Education, are making it easier for young people to be open about their sexuality and identity.

Despite this, some people still don’t come out until their late 20s, 30s or later. If you are in this position, you may feel like you are “behind” younger people who are openly LGBTQ+. But you are not alone. Coming out is a process that unfolds over time, and may take longer for some than for others.

An LGBTQ+ person first has to recognise and accept their sexual orientation or gender identity, before making decisions about whether, when, and how to tell others. The time it takes to fully understand and accept your sexuality or gender and be ready to disclose it to others can vary considerably.

You may know that you are LGBTQ+ from a young age, or this self-discovery may happen later in life. You may experience fluidity in your sexuality or gender identity, whereby your identity may shift over time.

If you identify as bisexual or non-binary, you may face additional challenges such as feeling misunderstood or pressure to “pick a side”, due to limited social understanding and stereotypes that these identities are “just a phase”.

If you are in your 20s or 30s, you may have received relatively little LGBTQ+ inclusive relationship and sex education (RSE) at school. In the UK, you may have been at school under section 28 which prohibited the “promotion” of homosexuality. The chilling effect of this law persisted even after its repeal in 2003, with many educators cautious about openly discussing LGBTQ+ topics.

Statutory guidance in 2020 made LGBTQ+ inclusive RSE compulsory. But it left room for inconsistency in how it is taught.

Internalised stigma

If you are from a conservative religious or cultural background, you may be dealing with anti-LGBTQ+ attitudes in your family or community. This can lead to internalised stigma, shame and delayed self-acceptance. Research suggests that people from ethnic minority communities may have culturally specific challenges.

Coming out also isn’t one time event. You might choose different levels of openness depending on the context and may be more out in some spheres of life than others. You might be “out” to friends before telling family. It is also not always a linear process. Some people may “go back into the closet” due to negative reactions, experiences or social stigma.

My research with colleagues at Coventry University into so-called “conversion therapy” found that people who had been subjected to efforts to change their sexuality reported that they were discouraged from telling others they were LGBTQ+. Many also said that it negatively affected their mental health and delayed their self-acceptance.

It can take time to undo years of internalised stigma and shame, so be kind to yourself. Remember that negative thoughts and feelings about being LGBTQ+ are often rooted in messages from your social environment, not a reflection of your intrinsic worth.

Challenges and benefits of coming out later

While societal acceptance has progressed, coming out in your quarter life can present unique challenges. You may fear, for example, that it will impact relationships and friendships that you have established over many years.

If you are with a heterosexual partner in early adulthood, breaking the news to them and any children from the relationship can be particularly challenging.

On the other hand, coming out later may give you the benefit of a more developed understanding of yourself, and greater interpersonal skills gained from more life experience. You may also have more independence from your parents, which can help if they have a negative reaction.

Two men sit on the floor with a small toddler, all playing together as a family
It’s never too late to live as your authentic self.

How important is coming out?

Research suggests that living authentically is generally associated with greater psychological wellbeing. But coming out is an individual choice and no one should be pressured to disclose their LGBTQ+ status to others, particularly if it may put your safety at risk. LGBTQ+ people may be at risk of “honour”-based violence or forced marriage in some communities.

Meanwhile, concealing your identity can have complex mental health implications. While it might protect you from discrimination, keeping your authentic self a secret can be a significant source of stress.

If you are newly learning about your sexuality, identifying as LGBTQ+ or thinking about coming out, finding peer support can be helpful. You may want to join an LGBTQ+ group in your community or online, confide in a trusted person or seek support from a professional or an LGBTQ+ charity.

No one can tell you how to identify or whether you should come out, but they may help you to clarify your sense of self, explore the pros and cons of coming out and help you navigate the process.

Remember, your loved ones may experience a range of emotions when you come out to them. Give them time and space to process their own feelings. While their initial reaction might not be what you hope for, it doesn’t define your future relationship. With time to adjust, your relationship may even grow stronger.

Everyone’s journey is unique, and deciding whether and when to come out should be guided by personal comfort and safety. Ultimately, there’s no right time to come out, and it’s never too late to live authentically.

Complete Article HERE!

Gay, lesbian and intersex whales

— Our queer sea has much to teach us

The sighting near Hawaii in 2022 of a male humpback whale penetrating another male has been confirmed in a new study.

The first documented sex between two male humpback whales is just the latest challenge to our presumptions about sexuality

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Whales are extraordinarily sensuous creatures. Those blubbery bodies are highly sensitive, and sensitised. At social meetings, pods of sperm, humpback and right whales will roll around one another’s bodies for hours at a time. I’ve seen a group of right whales engaged in foreplay and penetration lasting an entire morning.

I have also watched a male-female couple so blissfully conjoined that they appeared unbothered by our little fishing boat as they passed underneath it. And in what may sound like a career of cetacean voyeurism, I have also been caught up in a fast-moving superpod of dusky dolphins continually penetrating each other at speed, regardless of the gender of their partner.

That’s why this week’s report of the first scientifically documented male-to-male sexual interactions between two humpback whales off the coast of Hawaii is not surprising.

The remarkable image of a two-metre whale penis entering another male “leaves little room for discussion that there is a sexual component to such behaviour”, as one whale scientist, Jeroen Hoekendijk at the Wageningen Marine Research institute in the Netherlands, notes drily.

In fact, one of the whales was ailing and there has been speculation that the encounter may not have been consensual or that the healthy whale was actually giving comfort to the other. Whatever the truth, such “flagrant” acts also expose many of our human presumptions about sexuality, gender and identity.

Off the north-west Pacific coast of the US, male orcas often leave family pods to rub their erections against each other’s bellies. But females have also reportedly been seen engaging in sexual contact with one another, too.

Indeed, the graphic accounts of male-to-male behaviour may mask many “unseen” female-to-female sexual interactions.

Dr Conor Ryan, an honorary research fellow at the Scottish Association for Marine Science, notes: “It’s easy to visibly identify male ‘homosexual’ sex when an extruded penis can be two metres long.” It is less easy to diagnose when female sperm whales are seen “cuddling”, as Hoekendijk observes.

A humpback whale’s penis entering another male. Same-sex behaviour has often been observed in cetaceans.

Ryan has often witnessed same-sex behaviour between whales and dolphins. “I am interested in the things that we miss,” he says. He has recorded competitive behaviour by humpback whales in groups that seemed to be typically male, such as pursuing other whales.

But they proved, from DNA samples, to be genetically female. He speculates that humpback females may even use whale song – hitherto thought to be the province of mating males.

“If I were a female being harassed by horny males, maybe I would sing too,” says Ryan. “To attract more females, to take attention off me, while masquerading as a male.”


These observations throw up new ideas about the way these animals behave. Whale society is almost overwhelmingly matriarchal. Female sperm whales, for example, travel in large groups – sometimes thousands strong – in which males are only “useful” for their sperm, visiting the groups briefly, then leaving the females to their own society.

Male-oriented science has in the past made various judgments regarding sexual behaviour. But the idea of lesbian whales should not be surprising. Ryan even cites the case of a “non-binary” beaked whale, which was discovered to have both male and female genitalia.

Even identifying as a species can be fluid for cetaceans. In 2022, near Caithness in Scotland, a bottlenose dolphin was found to be identifying as a porpoise, swimming with a pod of porpoises and using their vocalisations. In one of the great queer pairings of the 20th century, Virginia Woolf referred to her lover, Vita Sackville-West, as “my porpoise”.


We cannot know how whales and dolphins themselves regard genital interactions. But in most cases they appear to enjoy them – without, perhaps, the preconceptions we humans as a species have historically projected upon such behaviour. They may make great clickbait on social media, but they have an important relevance for us, too.

When the Canadian biologist Bruce Bagemihl published his book Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity – listing 450 species exhibiting such behaviour, including whales and dolphins – it was used in evidence in a US supreme court case in 2003 that struck down, as unconstitutional, homophobic “sodomy” laws being used in Texas.

It is telling, too, that the best-known work of literary fiction written about whales, Herman Melville’s 1851 novel Moby-Dick, is a decidedly queer book. Melville conflates the queerness and diversity of his characters – his narrator, Ishmael, is declared married to his shipmate, the multi-tattooed Queequeg, based on a Māori warrior – with the mysterious sensuality of the whales he is describing. He even spends an entire chapter describing a whale’s foreskin, with joyful innuendo.

The sea itself seems to be a queer place, where gender is at best a slippery notion at times. Slipper shells stuck together on the beach, which you might find when beachcombing, are in fact changing sex, from female at the bottom to male at the top. Cetaceans’ genitals are concealed, in any case, in genital slits. Sleek and streamlined, it is as if bothersome sexual definitions were overtaken by the sheer beauty of wondrous hydrodynamics.

So much of what we project on to whales and dolphins is about our own complexes. They seem to lead a free and easy life. They may not possess hands to manipulate, but they have the biggest brains on the planet, and highly sensual bodies to match. Having been around for millions of years, it is tempting to imagine their long-evolved existence as one that is beyond all the things that seem to hold us humans back.

Complete Article HERE!

Stress of Being Outed to Parents and Caregivers

— What Are the Mental Health Consequences?

‘Policymakers should be aware of the harms that bills targeting LGBTQ+ youth have on the well-being of students and strongly argue for their right to disclose their identities on their own terms’

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In 2023, lawmakers across the U.S. introduced a record number of anti-LGBTQ+ bills. Although the 2024 legislative session has just begun, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is already tracking 429 bills, a figure on pace to surpass 2023 numbers.

The rise in anti-LGBTQ+ policy rhetoric has coincided with an increase in anti-LBTGQ+ violence. According to data from the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s (FBI) 2022 annual crime report, anti-LGBTQ+ hate crimes increased 13.8% from 2021. As more policy proposals are directed at LGBTQ+ youth, advocates are concerned about how children’s mental and physical well-being will be affected.

Ryan Watson, co-director of the UCOnn
Ryan Watson, co-director of the UConn SHINE Lab

“In recent years, we’ve seen an increase in anti-LGBTQ+ legislation targeting kids, and even though not all of these bills will become law, even the introduction of the bills may have an immediate and real impact on kids’ lives and their mental health,” says Ryan Watson, associate professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Sciences (HDFS).

Thirty-two such proposals have advanced in in the legislatures of Arizona, Hawaii, Missouri, New Hampshire, South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Washington, West Virginia, and other states. At least six states have laws on the books to forcibly out students.

Lisa Eaton, co-director of the UConn SHINE Lab
Lisa Eaton, co-director of the UConn SHINE Lab

“It’s critical that as researchers we stay engaged in understanding and speaking out against legislative policies that have the potential to do real harm to LGBTQ+ youth, equally important is supporting policies that protect youth. These policies have the potential to greatly and quickly impact the lives of LGBTQ+ youth,” says Lisa Eaton, professor of Human Development and Family Sciences.

Despite social progress, SGDY experience higher levels of discrimination, bullying, and stress, depression, and anxiety compared to their cisgender and heterosexual peers, and these health disparities continue to grow. SGDY report experiencing bullying, violence, discrimination, and rejection based on their sexual orientation and gender identity. When youth choose to disclose their identity, they often consider the support they may receive.

To investigate the mental health consequences of sexual and gender-diverse youth (SGDY) whose sexual or gender identity is forcibly disclosed to their parents without their permission, a team of researchers at UConn’s Sexuality, Health, and Intersectional Experiences (SHINE) Lab conducted a study that was recently published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence.

Watson and Eaton, both are principal investigators at UConn’s Institute for Collaboration on Health, Intervention, and Policy (InCHIP), co-direct the SHINE Lab. The SHINE Lab conducts research to improve understanding of how sexual orientation and gender identity, family experiences, school contexts, and ethnoracial identity affect health outcomes among sexually and gender-diverse youth and adults.

Peter McCauley, second-year Ph.D. student in the Department of Human Development and Family Sciences
Peter McCauley, second-year Ph.D. student in the Department of Human Development and Family Sciences

“Unique stressors, like bullying based on sexual and gender identities, are experienced at a time when youth are meeting important developmental milestones; at this same time, SGDY are typically financially and legally dependent upon their caregivers. There is a critical gap of knowledge on how the manner of disclosure may be related to the well-being of sexual and gender diverse youth. Our study aimed to understand how experiences of being outed to parents were related to mental health,” says the study’s lead author Peter McCauley, a second-year HDFS Ph.D. student and research assistant at the SHINE Lab.

McCauley and his collaborators used data from the LGBTQ National Teen Survey collected in partnership with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) between April and December 2017. Respondents were between the ages of 13 and 17, identified as LGBTQ+, spoke English, and were U.S. residents.

The team found that respondents who were outed (about 30%) to their parents were more likely to experience elevated depressive symptoms and lower LGBTQ family support compared to those who were not. Parents who affirmed and supported their child’s identity could potentially mitigate depressive symptoms from the stress of being outed.

The study demonstrates that a lack of agency in disclosing a sexual and/or gender identity to parents can greatly undermine the well-being of SGDY and indicate lower levels of family support. It also underscores the importance of enabling SGDY youth to have greater control over when they disclose their identities.

“A staggering number of anti-LGBTQ+ bills have been proposed that mandate school officials to out students’ identities to parents and caregivers. Policymakers should be aware of the harms these bills have on the well-being of students and strongly argue for their right to disclose their identities on their own terms,” says McCauley.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Gaydar, and Is It Real?

— Gaydar has long been the tongue-in-cheek answer to “how to know if someone is gay.” Is there any truth to it?

By

You’ve definitely wondered at least once: What is gaydar? Is it real?

Being human is a funny experience. You meet someone, you catch a “vibe,” and you form an opinion about their sexuality based on that first interaction. It’s a wild concept, considering there’s no way to actually know what is going on in that person’s life. But I digress — back to the vibe catching.

Attraction and sexuality are an important part of life, and it’s no surprise that we’re often left trying to guess what someone’s deal is after meeting them. For some people, relying on “gaydar” is one method for determining if someone is queer or not. Others don’t believe gaydar exists. The truth? It’s really complicated.

But first things first, let’s remember that it’s impossible to actually know if someone is gay or queer without them directly telling you. Despite what media stereotypes have conditioned some of us to believe, there is no outfit, speaking pattern, physical presentation, or other signal that says “I’m gay.” Being queer is a beautiful spectrum of physical presentations, one that any one person’s gaydar doesn’t properly encompass.

That said, we’re going to try to define “gaydar” below — specifically, where the term comes from and what it actually is. Read on and learn.

What does gaydar mean?

The Kinsey Institute describes gaydar as “the ability to determine whether someone is gay based on their intuition about the person.” This intuition is made based on how someone dresses, walks, or talks (read: very little actual information). These elements of a person are described as sexuality cues.

In simple terms, having a “gaydar” means that you think you can determine someone’s sexuality based on a short interaction — usually when you meet them for the first time. The term can easily scoot into homophobic territory, as many people who lean heavily into anti-gay rhetoric tend to be the first to box someone into the queer community as an insult (if only they knew what they were missing!). There’s a fine line between identifying and stereotyping, and the use of gaydar plays in this space depending on the person and intent.

Is gaydar real?

Whether or not gaydar is real is a long-debated question. In “Perceptions of Sexual Orientation From Minimal Cues,” a review of several studies about “gaydar” by Dr. Nicholas Rule, a social psychologist at the University of Toronto, the research suggests that it is real — but not in the way you might expect. It’s important to distinguish between something being real and something being accurate. In this case, gaydar is very much real. Accurate? Not entirely.

One of the studies cited shared that people were able to detect sexual orientation as they listened to short audio recordings and watched silent videos, as well as from seeing still images of faces on a screen. In general, all this means is that a person is able to put together a picture of someone’s sexuality from a limited number of visual and audio clues.

More interestingly, the gaydar tested in this study only seemed to be reflected in automatic responses. When participants were asked to think carefully about a person before making a judgement on their sexuality, their gaydar became worse. When asked why they made specific calls, it was hard for the surveyed to point to any direct reasoning — this tells us that gaydar is less based in fact and more based on societally led perceptions.

To drive that point home, here’s an especially intriguing point the study found: “People who hold anti-gay views typically perform worse in gaydar studies; by contrast, sexual minorities and people who have more familiarity.” This is where the complexity comes into play. Queer people likely have better “gaydar,” meaning it’s easier for them to recognize various traits, phrases, and visual cues that they themselves embody. This is one of the beautiful elements of community.

Other studies have found similar results, with gaydar accuracy — or lack thereof — varied among those tested. When a team of researchers surveyed a group in 2016, they found that the idea of gaydar encouraged stereotyping rather than serving as an actual way to detect if someone is queer. Meanwhile, two 2016 papers separately found that many studies that imply there’s some truth to gaydar may have mathematical errors in their design.

When a 2023 study added the question of bidar — being able to guess if someone is bi — to the mix, the results go even further off-track. Researchers asked people to identify whether or not they thought folks were bisexual based on their voice. The results not only showed that bidar was highly inaccurate, but that people read the voices of bisexual men to be considered the “most masculine” of the groups. Researchers say this may imply that in an effort to fight against biphobic stereotypes, bi men feel the pressure to mask their identity through performing hypermasculinity.

So, to answer the question of whether or not gaydar is real… it is. But it’s also not. Research on the subject has truly been contentious and inconclusive (I know, nothing is easy).

How to know if someone is gay

The only way to know if someone is gay or not is to hear it from the person themselves. Identity is an incredibly personal topic, and passing any kind of judgement without knowing the facts is an omission of so much of the beauty that comes with getting to know someone. As we all know, “gay” and “straight” are hardly the only options in this conversation.

As this relates to gaydar, Dr. Rule’s study addresses this: those surveyed weren’t able to sus out the difference between someone who may be gay and someone who may be bisexual. The results showed that gaydar sees sexual orientation as a rather black and white scale — gay or straight.

Also, keep in mind that everyone embraces the idea of being queer differently. (In fact, here are 9 LGBTQ+ people with different ideas about the word explaining what it means to them.) Fitting someone into your own definition of queer is only a small part of how you see that person, but giving them the opportunity to share themself with you is a gift.

The urge to know which way someone swings is understandable, especially if you’ve got a crush. As mentioned above, if you’re queer, you may have a gut feeling that the cutie you’re eyeing may or may not be queer, as well. Just remember that your head and your heart are talking at the same time, and likely over one another. Chances are, if you spot someone at your favorite gay bar or club, they’re likely part of the queer community. If you’re truly not sure, strike up a conversation — it’s likely it’ll come up sooner rather than later.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Explore Your Sexuality, according to Science

— Some researchers say that the standard definition of sexual orientation is incomplete—and offer a tool for expanding it.

By

Stacy Watnick: The first thing that I do with clients is I tell them that we’re going to go slow—because there are three things that most clients … do not talk about in therapy, and those are religion, politics and sex.

[CLIP: Intro music]

Kate Klein: There’s this, like, whole world underneath people’s clothing that no one talks about.

Sari van Anders: Our science, in some ways…, is…catching up with people’s existences.

Meghan McDonough: I’m Meghan McDonough, and you’re listening to Scientific American’s Science, Quickly. This is part one of a four-part Fascination on the science of pleasure. In this series, we’re asking what we can learn from those with marginalized experiences to get to the bottom of BDSM, find the female orgasm and illuminate asexuality. In this episode, we’ll discuss new ways to question your sexuality, according to science that draws from feminism and queer theory.

But first, let’s get real basic.

Stacy Watnick: Tell me, when I say the word sex or sexuality to you, what comes up?

McDonough: That’s Stacy Watnick, a clinical psychologist based in San Diego, California. She specializes in relationship issues and sexuality. She’s noticed certain patterns in her clients when she asks this question.

Watnick: First, surprise—that there’s such a range of experiences in their body and in their mind about it…. Frequently, I get some shame and discomfort. They’re not sure what words they’re supposed to use: “Are those bad words?”

A little lean forward…. they’re sort of excited and there’s some tension in wanting to tell me—or a little lean back because they’re not sure it’s safe.

McDonough: Stacy asks her clients if they’ve heard of gender and orientation. They talk about the words they know. And then she brings up the zine.

Zine is short for “magazine.” But zines are different from traditional magazines. They tend to be self-published and not typically what you’d find in an academic setting.

This particular zine invites readers on a “journey through the landscape of your sexuality.” The front cover features a drawing of five people on a path leading into the horizon. Each is holding a map labeled “SCT.” SCT stands for sexual configurations theory, a term coined by Sari van Anders, a gender, sex and sexuality researcher at Queen’s University in Ontario.

>Sari van Anders: I was doing some work about multipartnering and things like polyamory…, I was at a conference where there was … a session about asexuality…. And I started thinking about the way these two … identities claimed by different people might come together.

McDonough: Here’s Sari, the creator of this theory. She and her team created the zine as a more accessible offshoot of her 2015 academic paper on the topic.

Van Anders: It was the most exciting piece of work I’ve ever done. I’ve never really done work where it just felt like it had to come out, and it was sort of bubbling out of me.

I think we can maximize our pleasure when we understand what it is that we’re wanting, what the options are, who we are. We can think through some things that we might never have had prompts to do before.

McDonough: Oxford Languages defines sexual orientation as “a person’s identity in relation to the gender or genders to which they are typically attracted.” Sexual configurations theory asks: What if this sort of definition is incomplete?

Sari’s theory basically complicates the idea that sexual orientation is only based on gender. She built it on the existing academic literature and on what people shared about their sexualities.

Van Anders: And it was really important to me to include not just diverse sexualities and genders and people with diverse sexualities and genders but people with marginalized experiences, and so on …

McDonough: Such as people who are LGBTQ+, disabled, into kink or BDSM, asexual or non-monogamous.

Van Anders: Our science, in some ways, is, if anything, sort of, like, catching up with people’s existences…. I think many women know that, like, not all women who are attracted to men, maybe including themselves, that means they’re attracted to, like, penises or that’s the thing only that turns them on. And, and so there’s sort of an assumption that gender/sex sexuality, or what people typically call sexual orientation, is about, like, genital match-ups, like, “I have these genitals, and I’m attracted to people who have those genitals.” But really, like, we rarely see people’s genitals until we’ve already decided we’re attracted to them, right…. Usually there’s so much else going on.

McDonough: Sari uses the term “gender/sex” to mean features that are both socialized and biological and considers it to be just one aspect of sexual orientation.

>Van Anders: You know, it’s not always bodies; there’s also ways of being in the world or clothes, appearance, presentation, the way people talk, how someone treats you. And research on attraction is pretty clear that a lot of other things are rated pretty high up, like kindness or sense of humor or things like that.

McDonough: Sari refers to this as “sexual parameter n”—all the other things that make us attracted to a person.

The way she visualizes these aspects is through cone-shaped diagrams where people can pinpoint their preferences.

Aki Gormezano: As an example, you could think about the tornado for gender/sex sexuality…. So there’s a space on top where there’s a ring going around the outside that SCT calls the binary ring.

McDonough: This is Aki Gormezano, a sexuality researcher who did his Ph.D. with Sari at Queen’s. The ring he’s describing represents what most people know as the sexuality spectrum.

Gormezano: And then there’s a whole space beyond that, falling inside of the binary ring, completing that circle, where you’re not just thinking about women and men, you’re thinking about gender/sex-diverse folks who are occupying spaces outside of that binary ring.

McDonough: This is called the “challenge area.”

Gormezano: That circle I described is on the top, but then it moves all the way down to a point forming what kind of looks like a cone. And there’s a little meter ranging from zero to 100 on the far left of that, and that’s to indicate the strength of your attractions.

McDonough: In lay terms, if gender/sex was an important part of your attraction to people, you’d mark a place higher up on the tornado. If it wasn’t, you’d mark a place farther down. There are also tornadoes for partner number—one, multiple or none—as well as for sexual parametern, representing the other factors Sari mentioned, such as kindness and sense of humor.

Gormezano: Growing up, I was, like, pretty uncritical of my sexuality for the most part… Like I identified as straight by default. And a lot of my attractions, you know, as a cis boy at the time, or, like, now a cis man, were to cis women.

McDonough: In case you don’t know, “cis” here refers to cisgender, when a person’s gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth.

Gormezano: I had a point in high school where I realized … I did have attractions to people who were not cis girls or cis women…. I think I was just, like, confused and upset and didn’t really feel like it was something I could talk about. You know, especially as someone who played sports and was known as an athlete, where that was a big piece of my identity—like, I played soccer all the way through and still do…. I think, for me, the hardest part about realizing that I had interests and attractions that didn’t fit with being straight was that it challenged a lot of my identity around being a man or, like, wanting to be.

McDonough: Aki says that studying sexuality as an adult has helped him see that this isn’t a problem and that sexual orientation, identity and status don’t necessarily line up perfectly. Sexual configurations theory calls this “branched.”

Van Anders: Orientations have to do with, like, attractions, interests, arousals, desire [and] pleasure, and those might be different, or they might be the same. Like, you might really enjoy the thoughts or have fantasies about being with a man. And then when it comes to the actual sex you do, you find people of any gender are really enjoyable…. And status refers to, like, what you’re kind of actually doing, have done or will do…, who you’re actually with, for example.

McDonough: In a 27-country survey conducted by the market research company Ipsos in 2021, for example, 80 percent of self-identified heterosexual people reported that they were only attracted to the opposite sex, and 12 percent of them said they mostly were. Meanwhile 60 percent of self-identified lesbian and gay people said they were only attracted to the same sex, and 24 percent of them said they mostly were. These “branches” of sexuality can all be mapped on separate “tornado” diagrams. If you’re still struggling to picture them, you’re not alone. Between gender/sex, partner number, and other factors—plus identity, orientation and status—it’s a lot. But portraying sexuality as complex is also kind of the point.

McDonough (tape): To what extent do you think sexuality labels are limiting or expanding? If you could imagine your ideal world of how people conceive of sexuality, would everyone have a label?

Gormezano: I think when you just have identities and you just have labels, especially when identities and labels are really narrow…, you might not have the language to articulate the ways in which you don’t perfectly fit with that identity or label…. And I think the more people … who are able to understand the ways in which they might branch from their label or, like, perfectly coincide with it, the more open everyone will be around, you know, just like understanding that, like, around each identity is, like, a collection of people who might vary from that in different kinds of ways.

McDonough: Stacy, the therapist we heard from earlier, commonly meets clients who are working through their sexualities.

McDonough (tape): How do you help them kind of figure that out?

Watnick: We kind of try labels on like clothes…. I’m gonna try this sort of sweater on and see: Does that feel snuggly? Do I feel comfortable? Is there, like, a resonance in my body and in my mind and my heart and my genitals, all over me, that this feels true…? And much like the sweater I put on, I don’t have to wear it all the time…. There’s a very flexible return policy on this kind of content: if they decide they don’t want it; they don’t have to keep it. But we’re trying it on. Let’s see how it feels.

McDonough: Stacy first saw Sari speak at a virtual conference during the pandemic.

Watnick: And my whole brain lit up.

McDonough: The two of them have since formed a working group to bring sexual configurations theory into more clinical settings.

Van Anders: Those of us with marginalized or minoritized or oppressed genders, sexes or sexualities are often not given the tools from science or scholarship to make sense of ourselves. And so this can be helpful in that way. But also people who are majorities…, our culture tells everyone…, you’re just a cisgender man; that’s that; there’s nothing more complex; the complexity is for, you know, the other “complicated,” quote, unquote, people. But our research finds that the majorities actually have a lot of complexity and often have had even less prompt to think about it.

McDonough (tape): I’m wondering if you’ve had any pushback from the scientific community or otherwise?

Van Anders: We get a fair bit of skepticism from academics that what people might call laypeople, just you, people on the street, could actually do SCT diagrams because they are a bit more complex than “What is your attraction…?”…. So we sometimes get people who say, “This is pretty hard” or “I’m kind of confused.” And then we’re like, “Okay, can you describe yourself?” And then we look at the dot, and it matches. So people are actually able to do it anyway.

Van Anders: And we sometimes get pushback, too, from majorities who get, like, a little bit angry, who are like, “Okay, well, here, I can locate myself, but, like, I don’t believe in all these other locations….” You know, they’re usually seeing questions that have heterosexual first if there’s a checklist. And here it’s, like, you know, if you’re interested in women, that’s just one little dot in this whole diagram, and that can be a bit disorienting for people who are used to being with the center.

McDonough: Sari thinks that accounting for this complexity is not only helpful for individuals but also for future scientific research.

Van Anders: People sometimes forget that every measure we use is sort of telling a story about what the world is…. They’re kind of almost like a sieve that you sieve the world through. And depending on what that sieve looks like—whether it’s SCT, whether it’s a one-word question with a checkbox or answer or something—is going to let kind of different kinds of things through…. What is empirical in science is to try to measure the world as it is.

Complete Article HERE!

“Am I Gay?”

— Here Are 4 Things to Consider When Questioning Your Sexuality

Sex and relationships experts share questions to ask yourself as you figure things out.

By

If you’re reading this article, chances are that at some point in your life you’ve asked yourself the million dollar question: Am I gay? You might have even tried taking one of those gay quizzes online. If that’s the case, you’re not alone, and you’re in the right place.

More people are curious about their own sexualities now that queer visibility and representation have reached unprecedented heights. According to a recent study by the Cultural Currents Institute, Google searches by people questioning their sexuality and gender identity increased 1,300% from 2004 to 2023.

But even if pop culture increasingly celebrates queer people, it’s easy to forget that realizing you’re not straight can still be an anxiety-inducing and lonely experience. You might be worrying about what being gay, bi, pan, or some other non-heterosexual identity could mean for your relationships, your love life, or your wellbeing. On top of that, our more expansive understanding of sexuality and gender means even binary labels like “gay” or “lesbian” might not feel totally authentic to you.

If you’re curious, that’s a sign

First things first: the fact that you’re curious about your sexuality and asking questions is a sign itself.

Try to be honest with yourself about why you’re questioning your sexuality. You probably had an experience or a thought that triggered it; try to identify what that was and think through why you had it. “Most straight people, in my experience, take their sexuality for granted,” says Alex Jenny. “If you’re having a prolonged sense of curiosity about your sexuality, that is often a sign of something.”

Just having a singular moment of same-sex attraction or a queer sexual fantasy doesn’t necessarily mean you’re queer. Sexuality is a complicated thing, and everyone has thoughts and desires that don’t always fall into the bucket of whatever sexuality you identify with. But if you’re having prolonged, repeated thoughts and fantasies that can be called queer, it might be time to think about whether you yourself might be queer, in whatever form that might take — bi-curious, bisexual, pansexual, gay, lesbian, or otherwise.

It can also be helpful to differentiate between queer romantic feelings and queer sexual feelings. “Sexual attraction is very much like wanting to have sex with someone,” Kipling explains. “Romantic attraction is more about love and warm feelings and wanting to be around that person. It doesn’t have to include building a life with them.”

In other words, paying attention to how your body reacts physically to someone can be a good way of gauging whether you’re experiencing sexual or romantic attraction. Because our culture often conflates platonic, romantic, and sexual intimacy, you might just be experiencing an intense nonsexual crush. That doesn’t automatically rule out the possibility that you could be queer, of course, but it could be a first step towards exploring other facets of your queerness that aren’t just tied to sex.

Don’t rush to label your sexuality right away

It might feel tempting to take an online quiz or let an article like this one put a label on your sexuality. Many of us took “Am I Gay?” quizzes growing up hoping to dispel our worst fears, only to end up confirming them.

Although you should be skeptical of any “gay tests” on the internet, considering they’re extremely reductive and definitely not science-based, there are some online resources that could help you make better sense of your possibly-queer feelings. The Lesbian Masterdoc is a 30-page document that was published by then-teenager Anjeli Luz on Tumblr in 2018. It breaks down questions and feelings that lesbian-identifying people may have when questioning their sexuality. There are sections dedicated to explaining dynamics such as compulsory heterosexuality, which is the inherent assumption in society that everyone is heterosexual — an assumption that prevents people from exploring other alternatives.There’s no harm in reading documents like this, especially if you find that you identify with a lot of the material, but it’s important to keep in mind that this is only a snapshot of one queer person’s experience with their sexuality.

Finding a queer glossary could also be a good tool to get an idea of the immense spectrum of desires and identities that you might want to explore. The Gender Elephant is a flowchart by the Canadian Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity that breaks down the difference between gender identity, romantic attraction, gender expression, and sexuality while acknowledging that all of those things exist across a spectrum.

“If these labels help you understand yourself better or help you find meaning around yourself and your identity, great,” Kipling says. “If not, also great.” You should only be using flow charts, quizzes, and other materials to the extent that they make you feel more at ease and valid in your feelings, but not if they make you feel boxed in.

Talk to queer people about what you’re experiencing

Another good place to start is to find a community, whether in a physical space like your local LGBTQ+ center or online. Talk to queer people about your thoughts and feelings, even if that feels scary or hard. They’ve likely been through some of what you’re facing, and can tell you how they themselves figured out their identity.

If you’re worried about discretion, try to find someone you can really trust with your questions, who you know won’t tell others about what you’re experiencing before you’re ready. If you can’t find someone like that in person, online communities and resources, like the Trevor Project’s TrevorSpace or the LGBT National Coming Out Support Hotline, can connect you with LGBTQ+ people who can help you make sense of what you’re feeling.

Talking to queer people is especially important because it allows you to understand that you’re not alone, and that your experiences don’t isolate you — they actually make you a part of an enormous network of people all over the world.

 

“You’re not going to necessarily relate to everybody’s experiences, but maybe there are little pieces of somebody else’s experience that you really resonate with,” Kipling says. On top of that, “there are people who are waiting to embrace you in the fullest sense.” When you are affirmed by others, embracing yourself gets a lot easier.

Coming out doesn’t always happen all at once

Coming to understand your identity can be an exhilarating experience, but it’s something that needs to happen at your own pace. If you do realize you’re not straight, you might begin to feel pressure to come out, but know that if coming out doesn’t feel right or safe for you, it doesn’t make you any less of a queer person.

“It’s also brave to keep yourself safe,” Jenny says. Instead of “coming out,” she prefers the term “coming in,” which gives us more agency. “‘Coming in’ is having discernment around who the people who are actually safe and want to celebrate and uplift your sexuality and my authenticity are,” she continues. “Those are the people who you can invite in.

Jenny likens sharing your sexuality to giving someone a delicate vase. You wouldn’t give something so fragile to someone who might be reckless with it, and you wouldn’t do the same with your identity.

It’s also perfectly okay to discern when and where you want to share your queerness. For example, if you decide to paint your nails at home but want to take them off to attend a family function, that’s totally fine. “When people are exploring their sexuality for the first time, they’re not immediately going to have the full queer lifestyle that they might be seeing on social media,” Jenny says.

The beautiful thing about being queer is that there are infinite ways to do so. “There are so many ways to express your authenticity, even if it’s just you alone in your room,” Jenny says. “It’s important to be okay with wherever you are in this moment.” From that authenticity grows an acceptance that you might not know or be confident in exactly who you are all the time — and that’s okay, too.

Complete Article HERE!

What is a queer platonic partner?

— Not all long-term relationships require sex or romantic love.

Queer platonic partnerships provide space for all kinds of love and emotions just as a romantic relationship would.

By Beth Ashley

Modern relationships continually evolve. Many of us are shaping our relationships in non-traditional ways, moulding them to suit our personal preferences, desires, goals and situations rather than adapting ourselves to traditional relationship styles. For some people, this looks like polyamory or open relationships. For others, it might look like a queer platonic relationship (QPR), also known as a queer platonic partnership (QPP).

We spoke to two sex and relationships experts to understand what queer platonic partnerships are, what they involve, who typically enters this type of relationship, and the pros and cons.

What is a queer platonic partner?

Sex educator Erica Smith says a queer platonic partner is someone that you have a close intimate relationship with, and choose to do things together that are typically done by romantic partners: sharing a home, sharing responsibilities, considering each other to be family, maybe even raising children together. But the relationships are not romantic, and sometimes not sexual either.

“Often, people who consider themselves asexual or aromantic are in queer platonic relationships,” Smith says. Though, other queer people may decide to enter these types of partnerships too.

What are the benefits to having a queer platonic partner?

For many people, being part of a queer platonic relationship involves companionship, family, support, love, and “someone to share all the big life things including expenses with,” according to Smith.

Rebecca Alvarez Story, a sexologist and co-founder of sexual wellness brand Bloomi, adds that as society is evolving and starting to recognise and value different relationships, people are realising that there aren’t one-size-fits-all connections and are open to new experiences. Queer platonic partnerships provide space for all kinds of love and emotions just as a romantic relationship would. Sometimes that kind of love even serves them better, as there is less pressure.

Smith also notes that affordability might affect someone’s decision to enter a relationship like this. “So many people can’t afford rent or a mortgage these days, but being in partnership with someone makes things like housing more accessible. Some queer platonic partners may even choose to marry for the legal and financial benefits. In the U.S., this includes health insurance,” she explains.

Alvarez Story notes that the current cost of living crises in the UK, U.S., and Europe will contribute to this even more so. “The increasing cost of living and a need for the everyday benefits of a life partnership and community, such as co-parenting and financial sharing, might lead people to a queer platonic relationship.” This is especially true if someone finds themselves needing two incomes in a household to fulfill their life but are uninterested in pursuing sex or romance, such as asexual or aromantic people.

“After the COVID period, we have all gotten reminded of just how important socialising and having a reliable person nearby is, as well,” she adds. 

Why are more people entering queer platonic relationships?

It’s hard to track exactly how many people are in queer platonic relationships, and it should probably stay that way (do we really need that much surveillance in our intimate relationships?) but it seems like they’re on the increase.

A quick scroll through your For You page on TikTok reveals a number of sweet stories of friends marrying without romantic love or sexual attraction in order to buy a house and raise children together, and we also see examples on our screens. Many look to Hannah and Elijah in HBO’s Girls as the purest example of an attempted queer platonic relationship, as the two LGBTQ+ characters agree to raise Hannah’s child together in the home they already cohabit, and frequently sleep in the same bed and cuddle, as romantic partners would, for comfort. Some even look to Marlin and Dory from Pixar’s Finding Nemo, who many suggest are queer-coded in their platonic cohabiting and raising of Nemo.

Smith says that more people, especially young people, are increasingly defining partnership for themselves outside the small boxes that have been presented to them. This is why you may have seen more queer platonic partnerships popping up lately on your Instagram feed, or portrayed in the media. 

After all, why do we elevate romantic relationships above all other relationship structures? We know there have been societal and governmental incentives to be in monogamous marriage for centuries — but it’s 2024, and the way we look at partnership is finally shifting.

“Queer platonic partners challenge conventional ideas of what partnership is, and I think this is so appealing,” Smith says.

Are QPRs just for people who can’t find ‘real’ love?

There may be an assumption that those who have queer platonic relationships do so because they can’t find a “real” relationship, but this isn’t always the case. Some people have actively chosen to be part of a queer platonic relationship when traditional partners or relationships were available to them.

But Alvarez Story says this is very much a misconception. “Often those who identify as asexual or aromantic may be interested in engaging in queer platonic relationships. But, sometimes, people simply like the person and want to explore a deeper friendship that’s different from any other relationships they had in the past,” she says.

Queer platonic relationships don’t have specific rules and partners involved and those participating get to decide on how they want to engage and what type of commitment they are willing to have, so they’re a great fit for anyone who feels constrained by a more traditional relationship style. For a lot of people, shacking up with a friend is the definition of freedom.

Really, the choice to pursue friendship that looks a lot like a cohabiting relationship over “the real thing” shouldn’t come as a surprise. Internet discourse (and probably most real-life conversations too) has been rife with a shared disappointment with modern dating lately.  2021 research from Hinge shows 61 percent of the app’s UK users feel overwhelmed and fatigued when it comes to dating. Scroll through the “dating” search on X to see how visceral this exhaustion is. “Dating is actually a sick and twisted game,” writes one user. “This dating era is horrible,” writes another.

With so many of us feeling this tired, unhappy, and even depressed about dating, is it any wonder why some of us would rather commit to a life with a friend we love, trust, and feel confident we won’t tire of?

For some people, a queer platonic relationship doesn’t rule out sex or romantic love anyway. Some people in these set-ups will continue to date or have sex casually outside of the partnership, much like any open relationship.

The only reason anyone looks down on this type of relationship, according to Smith, is because society has elevated romantic partnerships as the most important kind of relationship there is, and “that kind of thinking runs deep!”

Are there any cons involved with a queer platonic relationship?

Smith notes that queer platonic relationships aren’t really legally recognized unless you have chosen to get married just as two people who are in love might, so this is something to keep in mind before pursuing a queer platonic relationship.

Additionally, Alvarez Story warns that sometimes queer platonic relationships can result in one-sided romantic feelings. “It might be that one partner develops deeper romantic aspirations or sexual desire towards their partner and this isn’t mutual. There can be jealousy and sadness if one partner engages in some type of relationship on the side.”

She adds that, in these cases, a partner might be bothered by other relationships (no matter whether there are any deeper romantic and/or sexual aspirations involved) in the way that there’s less time one can dedicate to their queer platonic partner.

For this reason, it’s important to make sure the two of you are 100 percent on the same page when entering a partnership of this nature, and that you stay open, communicative and honest in case feelings develop or change.

Just like any other relationship, a queer platonic partnership doesn’t have to be the be-all-or-end-all. As long as everyone involved is open and on the same page, you can try this type of partnership to see if it’s right for you and your pal. You might find it’s everything you ever dreamed of, or you might find yourself re-downloading the apps, or a bit of both.

Complete Article HERE!

A Bird Sighting Just Reaffirmed That Nature Is Queer

— The half-male half-female Green Honeycreeper joins the ranks of genderqueer lionesses, the “Leaping Lesbian Lizard,” and other “drag queens in the sky.”

By Ananya Singh

Hamish Spencer, zoologist and Distinguished Professor at the University of Otago, was on holiday in Colombia when ornithologist John Murillo drew his attention to a striking bird at a bird-feeding station in a nature reserve. Save for a few feathers here and there, this Green Honeycreeper seemed to be neatly divided down its middle with brilliant blue plumage – resembling males of the species – on its right side, and green plumage – observed in females – on its left. The two watched this bird between the end of 2021 and mid-2023, observing its behavior in relation to other members of its species. As their report notes, this bird is only the second example of “bilateral gynandromorphism” in this species – a trait where animals present with both male and female characteristics in species that usually have distinct sexes.

This “extremely rare,” half-male and half-female bird soon made headlines. After all, it was the first record of this phenomenon in this species in over a 100 years. But this sighting also reiterated what some scientists have long been pointing to – that our understanding of sex as a biological binary of male and female may, in fact, be a simplistic reduction of a far more complex reality.

“Many birdwatchers could go their whole lives and not see a bilateral gynandromorph in any species of bird,” Spencer said in a statement. While considered rare, this trait has previously been observed in spiders, bees, butterflies, lizards, and stick insects among others. Scientists have also found these seemingly gender binary-defying individuals in other bird species, such as the northern cardinal (a non-binary icon, according to X) and the rose-breasted grosbeak. The northern cardinal even inspired Pattie Gonia, an environmental drag activist, to create a look based on it. “We see queerness and gender queerness demonstrated in birds like the [chimera] cardinal so vividly… Birds are drag queens in the sky,” Gonia told Audobon Magazine.

In its most simplistic form, sex in humans seems to hinge upon the presence or absence of the Y chromosome, which determines the reproductive organs one possesses. Sex, according to this understanding, casts individuals as either male or female and is one of the foundational pillars upon which our society has been constructed – prescribing roles, granting opportunities, and determining whose rights are championed and whose sidelined. But several scientists have pointed out that sex as a binary is false. Arthur Arnold, a biologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, told Scientific American in 2018, “The main problem with a strong dichotomy is that there are intermediate cases that push the limits and ask us to figure out exactly where the dividing line is between males and females… And that’s often a very difficult problem, because sex can be defined a number of ways.” That is, sex in humans (as in animals) is far more complex.

Agustín Fuentes, a professor of anthropology at Princeton University, pointed to emerging research data that shows how binary explanations of human sex “are either wholly incorrect or substantially incomplete.” Biology has been wielded as a tool to exclude queer people. Fuentes writes, “Given what we know about biology across animals and in humans, efforts to represent human sex as binary based solely on what gametes one produces are not about biology but are about trying to restrict who counts as a full human in society.”

Look to the natural world and countless examples emerge to challenge the fallacies around sex, gender and sexuality. These examples call into question what humans have long considered “natural.” It is an idea inherent in the field of queer ecology that draws upon the ecofeminist movement and expands it beyond binary thinking, instead championing a more fluid and diverse understanding of the world, and our relationship with it. Nature, as countless species show, is queer.

Take the clownfish, for instance. They live in groups where only two – the dominant male and female are mates. When the female dies, the male changes its sex to become female before selecting the next male from the group to become its mate. Male bearded dragons, meanwhile, reverse their sex under warm temperatures to become female while still within the egg. Banana slugs are “simultaneous hermaphrodites” – they possess and use both their male and female reproductive organs to mate with a partner or even themselves. In Botswana, five gender-queer lionesses alarmed scientists when they grew a mane and developed male-like behaviors, including a deeper roar and mounting other females. Then there is the New Mexico lizard, which is a species that entirely comprises females. They mate, lay eggs and reproduce like others. According to scientists, this is a form of asexual reproduction known as parthenogenesis. Just like the “non-binary” cardinal, this lizard – also referred to as “Leaping Lesbian Lizard,” also became a queer icon, inspiring not only art, but even a Pokémon and the name of a college frisbee team.

A key way in which nature challenges the heterosexual ideal is through the sheer prevalence of same-sex behavior. Homosexuality, reports say, has been documented in 1500 species – from dolphins and giraffes to penguins and starfish. It’s ironic when viewed historically, where the supposed absence of homosexuality in animals has been used time and again to fuel homophobia and deem homosexuality a “crime against nature” itself. The emperor penguin, for instance, was lauded by American conservatives as upholding traditional family values after a film depicted them in monogamous relationships. Penguins, however, may be socially monogamous, but aren’t so sexually, Eliot Schrefer, author of “Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality,” wrote in The Washington Post. Some may even be bisexual, Schrefer noted. Just last year, a pair of male penguins successfully fostered an egg at the Rosamund Gifford Zoo in New York, while in 2019, another pair of male penguins at the Berlin zoo co-parented an abandoned egg after having attempted to hatch stones and even a dead fish.

Same-sex behavior across species also challenges the prevailing notion that sex in the natural world only occurs for the goal of reproduction. Instead, there are many reasons for same-sex behavior – from building social bonds and resolving conflict to simply gaining pleasure. Recently, a lot more research has emerged on same-sex relationships in nature, perhaps due to changing gender norms. In the past, observations of same-sex behavior had scientists either decrying it as “depravity” or avoiding publishing findings, due to their own biases or to prevent disapproval from the scientific community, noted Schrefer.

As Ingrid Bååth wrote in Climate Culture, “Not only does our understanding of nature become the baseline for what we believe to be natural, but also what we believe to be moral or good behaviour… We interpret nature based on our inherent biases and use our biased understanding of nature to defend and justify those societal biases we have.”

These biases stem from predominantly Western notions of gender and sexuality that have been imposed upon the human and nonhuman worlds, Willow Defebaugh noted in Atmos. It creates dualities of “opposing” categories – pitting humans against nature, man against woman – separating one from the other in a power hierarchy. “Binary thinking, in any form, is rooted in a Western colonial view of the world in which one must always be subjugated by the other,” Katy Constantinides wrote for Climate Policy Lab.

A queer ecological framework, on the other hand, shows us that there is no one way to be masculine or feminine and that these categories may not exist in nature as we know it. It positions humans as a part of nature rather than distinct from it, leveling the power dynamics from an extractive to a community-oriented one. Nature is fluid, queer, and resists categorization as per human cultural perceptions and biases. As queer ecologists point out, acknowledging that may be the first step to repairing our relationship with the natural – as well as human – world.

Complete Article HERE!

How To Talk To Your Doctor About Your Sexuality

By Jennifer Betts

You’ve probably planned on coming out about your sexuality to essential family members like your mom and dad. But have you ever thought about the importance of coming out to your doctor?

An open and honest relationship with your doctor is essential to getting care. This is especially true since there are specific needs that you might have as part of the LGBTQ+ community. As health family medicine physician Rita Lahlou, MD, MPH, told UNC Health Talk, “It’s important for people who identify with historically marginalized communities to find a primary care provider who will be supporting, affirming and understanding of them.”

With that said, the thought of a discussion about your health can be downright nerve-wracking. Whether you’re seeing a new doctor or talking with the doctor you’ve been seeing for years, here are a few tips and strategies to ensure that all your healthcare needs are met for your sexual health.

Set the tone about discussing your sexuality

Man talking with doctor

A person’s sex life and sexual preferences come into play when it comes to their overall care. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1.2 million people in the U.S. are diagnosed with HIV, 63% of whom are gay or bisexual men. Additionally, young LGBTQ+ individuals are more likely to contemplate or attempt suicide due to how they are treated, per The Trevor Project.

And it’s not an area that many general practitioners might feel comfortable asking about. Research published in Sexual Medicine examined healthcare specialists’ avoidance of sex and sexuality. It stated that many specialists think that asking their patients about their sex life and sexuality could cause embarrassment, so it’s not something that might come up. However, creating the appropriate framework of trust and empathy between your doctor and you can make this discussion easier. Bringing the topic to the table first lets your provider know it’s not a taboo area to talk about.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org

Look for an LGBTQ-friendly provider

Stethoscope with a rainbow background

Since your sexuality is a crucial area of your life and who you are, having a physician or specialist who understands how to support the LGBTQ+ community can make talking about your sexuality easier. Look for a provider with an LGBTQ+ designation. According to Henry Ford, doctors with this designation complete additional clinical training for patients within this community, making them more likely to be knowledgeable in documenting sexual orientation and understanding the specific needs.

Finding an LGBTQ+-friendly provider might take some looking around. Paula Neira, Program Director of LGBTQ+ Equity and Education, told Johns Hopkins Medicine that there are databases by groups such as GLMA: Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ Equality, but they aren’t exactly comprehensive. Thus, setting an appointment with a healthcare provider might require asking about their experience caring for LGBTQ+ patients. You can also ask others in the community to find a doctor they trust or have had a positive experience with.

Neira adds that not being open and honest with your provider could lead to missed screens, like those for cancer, especially for transgender individuals. Johns Hopkins Medicine also pointed out that seven out of ten LGBTQ+ members have received negative care, and connecting with a healthcare specialist competent in this field can alleviate that.

Bring your partner to the appointment

A couple with a baby on computer

It’s easier to talk about your sexuality when you have a loving person supporting you. Consider bringing your partner with you to discuss this with your provider. Not only can they hold your hand, but they might also be able to help you make sure you have all your bases covered.

Bringing your partner with you and introducing them to your doctor can quickly clarify your sexuality and cue your healthcare provider that it’s okay to broach the subject of your sexual orientation. According to family medicine physician Beth Careyva, MD, “By providing this information, we can make sure to offer preventative care screenings, as well as provide counseling on sexual health, lifestyle changes, and same-sex family planning” (via Lehigh Valley Health Network).

The Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion notes that having a support person during the visits can help ensure you keep track of your specialist’s advice and ask questions when something isn’t clearly explained.

Use techniques to calm nervousness

Woman focusing on breathing

The Center for American Progress points out that discrimination in the healthcare setting for the LGBTQ+ community leads to delays and access to needed medical care. It can affect not only patients, but their parents as well. This is especially true for those trying to find care for their transgender children. Thus, it’s not surprising that this topic might be uncomfortable for some to discuss with their doctor, leading to nervousness.

Fortunately, there are several techniques to calm the nerves before talking to your doctor about your sexuality. One of the best calming methods is focusing on breathing (via NHS). Get yourself in a comfortable position and let your breath flow. Focus on nothing but the movement of your chest and the refreshing air coming into your lungs for a steady five-count. Keep repeating until the doctor comes in so that you can talk to them with a clear, relaxed mind.

The Baton Rouge Clinic AMC states that it can be helpful to close your eyes and count to ten as you wait for your healthcare provider to enter the room. You can also try counting to 20 backward. Other calming techniques include chewing gum, smelling lavender, and listening to calming music. Once the doctor comes in, you can bring up your sexuality as part of your casual health conversation.

Be straightforward and honest

Woman talking to smiling doctor

It may be hard to be bold, but when it comes to your health, it’s not a time to be shy. Bring your sexuality to the table immediately. For example, introduce yourself to a new doctor with your name, preferred pronouns, and sexuality. Being matter-of-fact with your healthcare professional establishes honesty. With a current specialist, bring it up by saying, “I have a personal question…” states the National Institute on Aging.

Johns Hopkins Medicine also notes that you should set an agenda when talking to your doctor. It doesn’t have to be a long, intricate list, but outlining your sexuality and issues you would like to talk about will ensure that all your needs are met. According to Megan Moran-Sands, DO, a Geisinger pediatrician, “Your doctor and any healthcare professional you interact with will keep your information private.” Knowing this can help you not to feel so apprehensive.

And remember, your doctor wants honesty. Debra Roter, Dr.P.H., a professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, noted, “It’s important to share things about your lifestyle, social obligations and relationships at home and at work. Sometimes patients are fearful that the doctor isn’t interested or that it isn’t relevant.” But having this information gives them a better understanding of your overall health.

Use questions as your guide

Patient asking doctor questions

If you’ve had a bad experience with a different healthcare provider regarding the topic of sexuality, you might be even more apprehensive about talking about it openly. In that case, using questions as your guide might be better. Giving your current provider hints about what you need to discuss allows them to bring the subject up and save you embarrassment.

For example, you might start off your conversation with your provider by discussing their knowledge of LGBTQ+ patients. During your initial interview with a new doctor, you might ask about their patient experience with sexuality and LGBTQ+ patients. Ask about their experience with transgender issues. LCMC Health states that it sets a tone with your provider, allowing them to draw the conversation toward your sexuality in a respectful manner. As the National Institute on Aging notes, asking questions is key to building open communication with your doctor to better understand medical issues, tests, and medications that can affect your sexual life.

Don’t put off talking about your sexuality

Couple talking with a doctor

The World Health Organization says that your sexual health is essential not just to your personal well-being, but also to that of your loved ones. Don’t overlook being committed to your sexual health with your doctor, since it can influence screenings, family counseling, testing, and more.

Understanding your sexual health also plays a vital role in sexually transmitted disease prevention, practicing safer sex, and your body image, states Healthline. In addition, it’s a key area of mental and emotional health, particularly for members of the LGBTQ+ community who experience “discrimination or cultural homophobia.” Per data presented by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, sexual minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community are more likely to have substance misuse and mental health issues.

As Dr. Megan Moran-Sands notes (via Geisinger), “It’s beneficial to share your sexual orientation with your doctor so you can get the most personalized care. You can be more open about your life and your choices, and you and your doctor can work together to create a plan for staying healthy.” Don’t wait to talk to your doctor about sexual health. Bring it to the discussion immediately to set the bar for all future appointments.

If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Tips for making the talk about sexuality easier

Person in waiting room

Sexuality and sexual health should not be taboo topics, and are nothing to feel ashamed about. Remember that no matter what, your doctor is there to help. To make things a bit easier during your appointment, Willis-Knighton Health System suggests writing down the items you want to discuss on a phone or piece of paper to avoid forgetting what you want to say in case you suddenly feel uneasy.

Since talking about sexual health can be difficult face-to-face, you might also want to take advantage of telehealth consultations to discuss these issues. It might be easier for you to talk about sexual orientation, sexual problems, and gender in the comfort of your own home. Your provider can ask questions to get the necessary tests or medications (via the International Society for Sexual Medicine). Telehealth might also be the best way to connect with a doctor that is LGBTQ+-friendly.

Lastly, it helps to give your doctor a heads-up. For example, you can tell your healthcare provider during your initial appointment that you would like to speak to them about sexuality. You can also let them know that you’re nervous. This way, they can have questions ready to help you overcome your negative feelings.

Complete Article HERE!

The surprising reason why mammals engage in same-sex mating

— A new paper suggests same-sex activity may help mammals’ social relationships

A study published in the journal Nature Communications on Tuesday adds to the growing body of knowledge about animal sexuality.

By

Same-sex sexual activity pervades the animal kingdom — it’s been observed in at least 1,500 animal species, from crickets to seagulls to penguins — but it’s still not well understood.

A new paper suggests one explanation: Same-sex sexual activity may help mammals establish and maintain social relationships and even mitigate conflict.

The study, published in the journal Nature Communications on Tuesday, adds to the growing body of knowledge about animal sexuality.

Scientists had long viewed same-sex sexual activity as an evolutionary paradox: It costs animals precious time they could be spending seeking out sexual partners of the opposite sex, with which they could reproduce.

Some have explained same-sex sexual behavior as non-adaptive — meaning it doesn’t help an organism survive, but it doesn’t harm reproductive success either. Others see it as a continuation of our simplest ancestors’ indiscriminate sexual activity, part of the norm, rather than an anomaly.

The new study, conducted by researchers at the Spanish National Research Council and the University of Granada, suggests this behavior has evolved multiple times in mammals and may not be related to those ancient non-discriminate mating behaviors. On the contrary, their analysis found an association between same-sex sexual behavior in mammals and getting along.

Sex as conflict resolution

The researchers did not study animals in the wild. Instead, José María Gómez, a professor of ecology at the University of Granada, and his colleagues compiled a database of existing information on same-sex sexual behavior, and reconstructed species trees to investigate whether there were any links between same-sex sexual behavior in mammals and social behavior.

They found same-sex sexual behavior seems to occur more often in social animals, like primates, which need to form communities to survive and reproduce. That behavior could have evolved to facilitate social cohesion and diminish intrasexual aggression and conflict, the researchers argue.

“Rather than a maladaptive or aberrant behavior, same-sex sexual behavior in nonhuman mammals is a convergent adaptation facilitating the maintenance of social relationships,” Gómez told The Washington Post in an email.

The study’s findings echo what others have found in their research.

“In socially tense situations, sexual behavior between same-sex partners seems to function to mitigate that tension,” said Christine Webb, a primatologist at Harvard University who did not participate in the study.

She said Gómez’s research helps to widen the scope of what it means for a behavior to be “adaptive.” “This general question of evolutionary function — that behavior must aid in survival and reproduction — what this paper is arguing is that reaffirming social bonds, resolving conflicts, managing social tensions, to the extent that same-sex sexual behavior preserves those functions — it’s also adaptive.”

Researchers found same-sex sexual behavior seems to occur more often in social animals, like primates, which need to form communities in order to survive and reproduce.

Webb said if you think about the many reasons humans might have sex — it makes sense that animals would use sex in many ways, too.

“We know that humans have a huge variety of reasons for having sex, only one of which is procreation,” said Eliot Schrefer, author of the book “Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality.” “So of course animals are reaping the benefits that humans do from it.”

He cites male garter snakes using pheromones to attract other males when it’s cold, causing other males in the area to come form a “mating ball” — which can help them all survive through the night.

Sex and dinner

Sex can also provide animals with a way of easing conflict, or can act as foreplay for sharing food, said Christine Wilkinson, a conservation scientist based at the University of California at Berkeley and the California Academy of Sciences who was not involved in the paper.

“You have African lion males that travel together and help each other to survive,” she said. “They’re also mounting each other and sort of bonding in more physical ways because they need each other.”

Jon Richardson, a behavioral ecologist and evolutionary biologist at the University of Minnesota, researches same-sex sexual behavior in insects. He said that often we’re looking for a one-size-fits-all explanation for this behavior in nature. In his research on crickets, he’s found that they have a fairly broad filter for engaging in mating behavior.

“They don’t care too much whether it’s male or female or if it’s the right developmental stage or not. If it looks kind of like a cricket, if it moves like a cricket, you might as well try singing towards it to see what happens,” Richardson said.

>He also cautions against extrapolating too much about humans from this research on animals. The fact that this new paper is about mammals may mean it can tell us something about our evolution, but same-sex sexual behavior in animals isn’t the same as human homosexuality — for the most part animals don’t seem to exhibit a permanent same-sex preference but more of a sexual flexibility.

Still, it might be inevitable that people will make those connections, said Schrefer, and that isn’t always a bad thing.

“Every time one of these articles comes out, a bunch of people don’t feel unnatural anymore,” he said.

Complete Article HERE!

Study on evolution of same-sex animal behaviors underscores stigmas in research

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  • A new study tracing the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior in mammals, using phylogenetic analyses, suggests these behaviors may have evolved in part to strengthen social bonding and relationships.
  • Same-sex sexual behavior was observed in 261 species, which constitutes 4% of all mammal species; the research adds to a growing list of some 1,500 animal species in which same-sex sexual behavior is documented.
  • Interest in this research is expanding after a long history of stigma within the field that led some earlier scientists to withhold evidence of same-sex sexual behavior among animals; at the time, such behavior was considered an error in the research findings — or “perverted.”
  • Researchers also note that stigmas have long prevented scientists from investigating same-sex sexual behaviors in animals or receiving funding to carry out such studies.

The study of animals has always been a point of curiosity for many scientists across disciplines and has contributed to our understanding of the world. While many scientists in evolutionary biology have questioned different animal behaviors, same-sex sexual behavior in animals is a topic that is seeing increasing interest. This growing field of research has amassed a list of 1,500 animal species exhibiting same-sex sexual behavior.

Now, a recent study published in the journal Nature Communications has traced the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior in all mammals, using phylogenetic analysis, a method that traces evolutionary relationships among biological entities. Such behavior, which is common in mammals, may have evolved in part “to establish, maintain and strengthen social relationships that may increase bonds and alliance between members of the same group,” the authors write.

“Our study has tested for the first time two adaptive hypotheses on the origin and maintenance of same-sex sexual behavior using a large group of animals, the class Mammalia,” says José Maria Gómez, an evolutionary biologist at the Experimental Station of Arid Zones in Almería, Spain, and an author of the study. “In this sense, our study provides strong evidence that this sexual behavior is functional and plays an important role, at least in this group of animals.”

In their study, Gómez says the scientists conclude that social behavior that helped maintain positive social relationships and mitigate intrasexual aggression were two factors shaping the evolution of these behaviors. The former factor did so for both males and females and the latter factor only for such behavior expressed by males, they found.

Same-sex sexual behavior, which includes courtship, mounting, genital contact, copulation and pair bonding, was observed in 261 species, which constitutes 4% of all mammal species. Their study also indicates that same-sex sexual behavior is not randomly distributed across the mammalian phylogeny but tends to be frequent in some clades and rare in others and has been observed in males and females both in captivity and in wild conditions.

Male lions in a zoo in Melbourne, Australia.
Male lions in a zoo in Melbourne, Australia. Same-sex sexual behavior, which is common in mammals, may have evolved in part “to establish, maintain and strengthen social relationships that may increase bonds and alliance between members of the same group.”

Not an aberration

“In the early 2000s, same-sex sexual behavior in animals would often be seen as a ‘zoo problem,’ like it was the animals in captivity that were making the best out of a bad situation,” says Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals), a young-adult book that illustrates the diversity of sexual behavior in animals. “But this kind of science shows the prevalence of said behaviors throughout the animal kingdom, which shows that it’s not some aberration that has been localized, but it is something that is essential,” adds Schrefer, who was not part of the study.

The study suggests that social bonds may have played a role in the evolution of same-sex sexual behavior, and it may be connected to animals’ transition from solitary living to “sociality,” or living in groups, which has evolutionary advantages. “Due to the multiple benefits of sociality, many behavioural strategies have evolved to ensure the cohesion and stability of social groups,” the authors write.

Janet Mann, a behavioral ecologist who was not involved in the study, says, “It makes sense that animals make use of the social behavior that they have available for them for social bonding.” However, she finds maintaining social bonds and intrasexual aggression to be the flip sides of the same coin. Social bonding, she explains, includes when animals ally themselves with others, and that provides protection. In extreme cases, male chimpanzees form tight alliances with one another, resulting in the whole community bonding to some degree. “They kill males with the neighboring community, so it’s not like they are having sex with those males,” she says.

While the Nature Communications report is one of the first studies that has provided research on a broader scale rather than sticking to one species, the authors are not hesitant to acknowledge that the data available are limited because interest among scientists and researchers studying same-sex sexual behavior in animals is very recent.

Mann says this lack of data meant the researchers couldn’t comprehensively address the frequency of same-sex sexual behavior; rather, the data primarily show presence or absence of behaviors. Therefore, a case in which a behavior is rare was weighed the same as a case in which it occurs frequently; both were reported as “occurring,” which is a limitation of the study.

Two male African wolves in Senegal.
Two male African wolves in Senegal. “In the early 2000s, same-sex sexual behavior in animals would often be seen as a ‘zoo problem,’ like it was the animals in captivity that were making the best out of a bad situation,” says author Eliot Schrefer.

Stigma in past research

This absence of sufficient data stems from intentional erasure by some scientists in the past due to the stigma attached to homosexuality and expected heterosexuality among animals. For a long time, the prevailing notion was that sexual behavior in the animal kingdom served solely as a tool for procreation, and that sexual behavior among the same sex in animals was considered either an error — or was labeled “perverted.” Heterosexual worldview influenced the approach of scientists like Valerius Geist, a mammalogist who, decades ago, refrained from publishing about frequent same-sex behavior noticed in bighorn sheep because, the Washington Post reports, it made him “cringe … to conceive of those magnificent beasts as ‘queers.’” Years later, he reportedly “admitted that the rams lived in essentially a homosexual society.”

“Science is made by scientists, and [some] scientists who go out in the field have the assumption that only heterosexual behavior is natural. And so, for a long time, they weren’t bothering to sex the animal they were finding or seeing if it were male or female; they were just assuming when one animal is mounting another.” Consequently, Schrefer says he suspects same-sex sexual behaviors in the animal world are vastly underestimated “because there are very few scientists that are going out and looking.”

These stigmas have not entirely left the scientific community. Mann recognizes that societal biases against same-sex sexual behavior in human societies influence the willingness of researchers to undertake such studies. The stigma creates a barrier, as approaching traditional funding agencies for studies may be met with reluctance or denial. The hierarchical nature of science, mirroring broader societal structures, also imposes limitations on junior researchers, dissuading them from delving into studies that challenge established norms, she says.

Mann’s contribution to the anthology Homosexual Behaviour in Animals: An Evolutionary Perspective has also opened up a window to same-sex sexual behavior among bottlenose dolphins. Reflecting on the trajectory of her work, she explains, “I wrote that chapter in the book because I was asked to, and they knew I had a lot of data. I had also already started tenure, so when the book came out, I was a full professor. As a full professor, I don’t have to worry; but my more junior colleagues, for them, there is some stigma.” It’s not correct, she says, but “if you are studying same-sex sexual behavior … people make assumptions about you as a person, that you are homosexual.”

This assumption about researchers’ identities has put skeptical eyes on the sciences that many pursue. Schrefer talks about a primatologist named Linda Wolfe, who wrote about female-female sex among macaques in the 1970s. She was a graduate student when she published about this, and the response was: “Why are you interested in this? Is something wrong with you? Are you a lesbian?” Schrefer says. “And so, if someone is part of the queer community, people would not trust the science that much.”

Melina Packer, an assistant professor of race, gender and sexuality studies at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse says she believes that while many people push for science to be depoliticized, it is impossible to do that, as everyone is a political being. What can be done is to acknowledge those potential biases. She further explains that those in power have a political position, and to state that some folks are biased because they are different from so-called societal norms is a political statement in itself. Further, she points out, scientists of diverse racial, gender and sexual identities are expected to leave those identities at the laboratory door. “But what about the identity of the dominant being, what about the white man’s identity? Why doesn’t he have to leave his identity at the laboratory door?” she says.

Many times, these biases lead to the dismissal of same-sex sexual behaviors in animals within research. “Because it is infrequent behavior, there aren’t necessarily studies of just sexual behavior; there are studies of courtship and mating, but it’s usually in the context of reproduction and the population and how it’s progressing. So, most of the focus is on the things that have obvious adaptive value.” The lack of focus on behaviors with unknown or uncertain adaptive values is another form of bias, Mann adds.

Two male dragonflies in the mating position.
Two male dragonflies in the mating position. For a long time, the prevailing notion was that sexual behavior in the animal kingdom served solely as a tool for procreation, and that sexual behavior among the same sex in animals was considered either an error — or was labeled “perverted.”

A study published in 2019 by a group of researchers suggests that same-sex behavior in animals is ancestral, meaning that it did not evolve independently but instead was always there in animals and persisted, as there are very few costs associated with same-sex behaviors. The authors note that it can be advantageous, and that the expression of both different-sex and same-sex behaviors “may be the norm for most animal species.” The authors propose shifting the questions from Why same-sex behavior? to Why not same-sex behavior?

To keep such biases from permeating scientific study, Packer refers to feminist science studies, which look at how science is embedded in culture and history. “Scientists are people, too, right? And scientists cannot help from bringing their biases, intentional or not, to the work we do, who we are, what culture we are raised in, how we are socialized, what historical moment we have lived in. All these forces are influencing the scientific process, what we sort of have been socially trained to see when we make an observation, particularly of animals. [If] you are raised in a culture that understands same-sex sexual behavior or homosexuality or queerness as wrong or abhorrent, you’re more likely to project that view onto the nonhuman animals you are viewing.”

To resolve this issue, Packer suggests more interdisciplinary collaboration with experts outside the sciences from including, but not limited to, arts and humanities. “The way we educate scientists, fundamentally, would shift; ideally, we all would be working together and breaking open those boxes and constraints as well. I think being encouraged and empowered to think differently as a scientist is essential, and ultimately science is supposed to be about asking critical questions and testing hypotheses. But all too often, what happens in science is you just follow behind the scientist who came before you where you take dominant theories for granted and don’t necessarily try to implode them or explode them.”

Stating the relevance of their research for the public, Gómez says, “any behavior or characteristic, no matter how unique we think it is to human beings, can be studied scientifically in a calm, disinterested and rigorous manner. And … the honest use of a scientific and rational approach can help us much more than other forms of knowledge to understand vital aspects of our life and our way of being.”

Complete Article HERE!

Museum classifies Roman emperor as trans

— But modern labels oversimplify ancient gender identities

The Roses of Heliogabalus by Alma-Tadema (1888) depicts a feast thrown by Elagabalus.

By

Elagabalus ruled as Roman emperor for just four years before being murdered in AD 222. He was still a teenager when he died. Despite his short reign, Elagabalus is counted among the most infamous of Roman emperors, often listed alongside Caligula and Nero.

His indiscretions, recorded by the Roman chroniclers, include: marrying a vestal virgin, the most chaste of Roman priestesses, twice; dressing up as a female prostitute and selling his body to other men; allowing himself to be penetrated (and by the bigger the penis the better); marrying a man, the charioteer Hierocles; and declaring himself not to be an emperor at all, but an empress: “Call me not Lord, for I am a Lady”.

Based on this quote, North Hertfordshire Museum has reclassified Elagabalus as a transgender woman, and will now use the pronouns she/her. The museum has a single coin depicting Elagabalus, which is sometimes displayed along with other LGBTQ+ artefacts from their collection.

When writing about ancient subjects, from emperors to slaves, the first question historians have to ask is: how do we know what we do? Most of our written sources are fragmentary, incomplete and rarely contemporary, amounting to little more than gossip or hearsay at best, malign propaganda at worst. It’s rare that we have a figure’s own words to guide us.

Elagabalus is no exception. For Elagabalus, our principle source is the Roman historian Cassius Dio. A senator and politician before turning his hand to history, Dio was not only a contemporary of the emperor, but part of his regime.

However, Dio wrote his Roman history under the patronage of Elagabalus’ cousin, Severus Alexander. He took the throne following Elagabalus’s assassination. It was therefore in Dio’s interest to paint his patron’s predecessor in a bad light.

Sexual slurs and the Romans

Sexual slurs were always among the first insults thrown by Roman authors. Julius Caesar was accused of being penetrated by the Bithynian king so many times it earned him the nickname “the Queen of Bithynia”.

It was rumoured that both Mark Antony and Augustus had prostituted themselves for political gain earlier in their careers. And Nero was said to have worn the bridal veil to marry a man.

The Romans were no stranger to same-sex relationships, however. It would have been more unusual for a Roman emperor not to have slept with men. Roman sexual identities were complex constructs, revolving around notions such as status and power.

A bust of Elagabalus.
A bust of Elagabalus.

The gender of a person’s sexual partner did not come into it. Instead, sexual orientation was informed by sexual role: were they the dominant or passive partner?

To be the dominant partner, in business, politics and war as much as in the bedroom, was at the root of what made a Roman man a man. The Latin word we translate as “man”, vir, is the root of the modern word “virile”, and to the Romans there was nothing more manly than virility. To penetrate – whether men, women, or both – was seen as manly, and therefore as Roman.

Conversely, for a Roman man to be passive, to be penetrated, was seen as unmanly. The Romans thought such an act of penetration stripped a man of his virility, making him less than a man – akin to a woman or, even worse, a slave.

A man who enjoyed being penetrated was sometimes called a cinaedus, and in Latin literature cinaedi are often described as taking on the role of the woman in more than the bedroom, both dressing and acting effeminately. The implication is always that the way they dressed, acted and had sex was somehow subversive – distinctly un-Roman.

The word cinaedus appears in Latin literature almost exclusively as an insult — and it’s this literary role that is ascribed to Caesar, Mark Antony, Nero and Elagabalus. The power of the insult stems not from saying that these men had sex with men, but that they were penetrated by men.

It’s worth noting that these rules of Roman sexuality only applied to freeborn adult, male Roman citizens. They did not apply to women, slaves, freedmen, foreigners or even beardless youths. These people were all considered fair game to a virile Roman man, as uncomfortable a concept as that might be to us today.

Was Elagabalus transgender?

While the Romans clearly engaged in acts that we today consider gay or straight sex, they would not recognise the sexual orientations we associate with them. The ancient Romans did not share the same conceptions of sexuality that we do.

Many men’s sexual behaviour was what we would now term bisexual. Some lived in a manner we might describe as gender non-conforming. The concept of a person being transgender was not unknown. But an ancient Roman would not have self-identified as any of those things.

We cannot retroactively apply such modern, western identities to the inhabitants of the past and we must be careful not to misgender or misidentify them – especially if our only evidence for how they might have identified comes from hostile writers.

In attempting to fact check the sexual slurs and propaganda from the biographical facts, there is a danger that we lose sight of the fact that ancient Romans did recognise a huge variety of sexual orientations and gender identities – just as we do today. To attempt to crudely ascribe modern labels to ancient figures such as Elagabalus is not only to strip them of their agency, but also to oversimplify what is a wonderfully, fabulously broad and nuanced subject.

Complete Article HERE!