Category Archives: Mutuality

Twosies beats onesies, but nothing beats threes

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Name: Therese
Gender: female
Age: 30
Location: Galveston
My husband and I are thinking about maybe trying a threesome. It’s been a big part of our fantasy life together for several years. We enjoy imagining ourselves with other people when we’re making love to each other. We probably would have acted on this before, but we know that having a fantasy is not as risky as trying the actual thing. What are your thoughts?

My thoughts? Well, going on the number of threesomes and group sex questions I’m getting from straight folks lately; I’d have to say that ya’ll are finally discovering what most gay folks have known for a long time — 3-ways and group sex can be way fun and a potent tonic for a flagging partnered sex life.

Threesomes and group sex are not all that tricky, especially when both partners in the primary relationship are up for the experimentation. And you guys sound like you’ve been priming the pump, so to speak, for some time now. Yeah it’s true, these things can blow up in your face, but that risk exists in just about everything we do. And I am of the mind that nothing ventured is nothing gained. But I also suggest you guys come up with a strategy on how to minimize the chances of being disappointed.

I’d begin by dialing down expectations. If 3-way sex has been part of your marital fantasy life for a while, I’d be willing to guess that these fantasy encounters are always fun and always successful, because they are the products of your imagination. If you go into a real 3-way with those kinds of expectations you could be disappointed. Reality doesn’t always live up to fantasy. The actual thing, as you suggest in your message to me, may not be as fantastic. But you’ll never know without trying. I always think it’s better to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised when they are exceeded, than to be disappointed when high expectations aren’t met.

You guys need to decide on some ground rules well in advance of the possible encounter. Among the things you ought to consider are:

  • What will you look for in the additional partner.
  • Will it be another woman, another man?
  • Does it matter?
  • Who gets to choose the other partner?
  • Do either or both of you get to veto a perspective playmate?
  • Will the choice be spontaneous, or will you leave nothing to chance?
  • Will you interview for the position, or just put yourselves in harms way, so to speak and go with the flow.
  • Where will you look for these prospective partners?
  • Will you search online?
  • Where will the event take place? At your place, or somewhere neutral, like a hotel?
  • In terms of the sex itself, are there things that will be off bounds?

The more you know about all these things, the smoother the encounter will go.

Gay guys have it easier when it comes to 3-ways and group sex. First, they tend to have defined roles, like being primarily a top, or primarily a bottom. They are also gonna be playing with other gay or bi men. Things are not so easy for ostensibly straight folks, because including a third person will mean adding someone of the same sex as one of the partners. So straight folks have to ask themselves what will be the configuration of the play? Will it be just straight sex — all play directed toward someone of the other sex? Or will it include play directed toward someone of the same sex. Lot of straight guys get off on the idea of watching two chicks get it on, but would never contemplate mixing it up with another dude. So you see where you’ll have to be careful in choosing your playmate. If he or she has a different understanding of the group encounter, there will be problems.

That’s why I always suggest that before an encounter actually happens, it would be good for you to tell your perspective partner what your boundaries are. Also you’d be wise to discover what turns on your prospective playmate. Investing in this discovery process will save possible embarrassment later.

Once the 3-way encounter begins, there is an etiquette ya’ll ought to adhere to. First and foremost is don’t leave anyone out. If you sense there’s an inequity in the amount of play one partner is getting as opposed to another, then that’s a recipe for disaster. If someone seems to be losing interest during the sex play, then start paying that person a little more attention. Of course you guys might just set up a 3-way so one of you can watch the other play with someone else. Ya know, kind of cheering on from the sidelines, as it were. While that may not technically be a 3-way as most people understand it, this kind of set up is very common.

If your interest goes beyond a ménage à trois to, lets say a foursome or possibly a group, much of the same considerations as in a 3-way apply. But since you’re gonna be dealing with even more bodies, personalities and sexual proclivities, more caution is advised. And unless you’re a swinger, or can tap into your local swing set, these situations may be hard to find.

Good luck

Brought to you by: Daddy Oohhh! Productions, Quality Adult Entertainment, Enrichment and Educataion

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First Time, Every Time

Name: Julie
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Location: Kentucky
I am a virgin. I am also just asking. How do I keep my first time from hurting? Some say lubrication in excess, but I am very small.

Yep, lots of lube is important — first time and every time.

But there is so much more you can do to prepare yourself for your first fuck. Begin by knowing your body and your sexual response cycle.

Is it safe to assume, even though you are a virgin to full-on fucking, that you are familiar with masturbation? If not, darling, that’s where you should start. If you enjoy pleasuring your body to orgasm, you will likely know the kind of stimulation you need to achieve full arousal. This is precisely the information you will want to pass on to your partner before the first fuck-fest begins as well as throughout the event.

The more you know about your body and the mysteries of your particular sexual response cycle the smoother things will go for you and your partner. Nowadays there is absolutely no need for anyone to come to their first partnered sexual encounter uninformed about sex in general and his or her sexuality in particular.

There are three main reasons why a women might experience pain during fucking — for the first time or anytime: 1) She is inexperienced. 2) Her partner is inexperienced or doesn’t know the first thing about mutual pleasuring, 3) She is not fully aroused. Right away you can see how a familiarity with your body in general and your pussy in particular will short-circuit at least two of the three main reasons right away. And while you can’t account for the sexual prowess of your partner, you will be able to direct him/her on how to touch and make love to you. And that, my dear, takes care of the third main reason.

One other thing, a lot of women don’t relax during sex…thus discomfort…because they worry about becoming pregnant. If you’re not well versed on the main methods of contraception and actually using one of them, you’re not ready to have sex. And one other thing, sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for both you and your partner. Don’t be a fuck-up; make sure your partner always uses a condom.

Name: Rocket Man
Gender:
Age: 31
Location: Nashville
Big Dr. Dick, Between busy work schedules, traveling and such, I haven’t had much time for sex. It was actually about a 5-week span without sex or masturbation. When my wife and I finally got together I was built up big time. I knew my response would be quick and my load would likely triple its normal oozeage. Being that it had been so long, there was not much foreplay…we just wanted to get down to the hardcore humping.

I was sitting on a couch and she climbed on top. On her 3rd down stroke, I blew like a Friday afternoon work whistle. She shot off my cock back first into the coffee table, broke it in half and received a few splinters in her ass! Should we replace this piece of furniture, or should I just make her kneel on the floor and rest my legs on her when she’s done sucking me off in the future?

You Nashville folks have all the fun! You get extra points for making me laugh. Perhaps all ya need is sturdier furniture.

PS: don’t be surprised if I steal this: “I blew like a Friday afternoon work whistle.” That’s just downright hilarious.

Name: Colleen
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Location: California
I have noticed lately that I am way more horny than normal. It is like I can’t get enough and the slightest touch gets me going. Also my natural smell from my vagina seems to be extra strong lately and sometimes after my husband and I have sex I have a clear but chunky discharge. I regularly with use Summer’s Eve wash and I have never smelled so strong as I do now. I feel like I am a dog in heat. What is wrong with me?

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? Simply put, you’re 28 and you’re as randy as all get-out, darling. Sounds like you’re pert-near feral. If you were in the wild your super-strong odor would attract males from far and wide, each and every one wanting to satisfy your vixen lusts. Good for you!

And here’s a tip: quit with the over the counter douches, already, especially the ones with the fragrances. Despite the perceived benefits of douching, there is growing evidence that any potential health benefit may be outweighed by risks of douching with such products.

Douching upsets the vaginal environment in a number of ways. It shifts the pH, causes direct irritation and inflammation of the vaginal mucosa (the delicate lining of your pussy), and it washes away the good bacteria. So do not douche.

It can also drive bad bacteria up into the uterus and increase the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease. Women who douche, even infrequently are much more prone to the common vaginal infection, Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). All ‘feminine hygiene products’ (suppositories, sprays, cleansers, etc) are useless, potentially disruptive, totally unnecessary and a waste of your money. Also avoid any strong chemicals, such as deodorant soaps, anti-bacterial soaps, strongly perfumed soaps or body washes as they can all have negative effects on the beneficial flora and lead to infections and irritation.

And that “clear but chunky discharge” you’re having after the hubby bones you? If your pussy is healthy, Doll, I’d be willing to guess that’s his spooge drippin’ out of your cunt. Ahhh, youth! But if you think otherwise, why not have a physician take a look.

Good Luck, ya’ll!

Making a Marriage Work; A Primer For Sexual Success

I’m preparing a workshop for recently engaged couples. I expect there will be about a dozen couples attending. While most of the participants will be preparing for their first marriage, there will be at least two couples working on their second marriage. My experience tells me that regardless of how many turns one takes on the merry-go-round anxiety about sexual compatibility, particularly for the long haul, abounds.

One of the best resources out there for those considering a sexually exclusive traditional marriage is Esther Perel’s controversial book, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.  Her thesis is that increased emotional intimacy between partners often leads to less sexual passion. I’ve been preaching the same sermon for nearly 30 years. But I assure you; there are ways around this predictable stumbling block.

Here we have Paige, age 22 from Tulsa. OK.

I am engaged to a wonderful guy. I’m excited about my upcoming marriage, but I’m also afraid that it will fail. I know you are going to think we’re freaks, but my fiancé and I have decided to save ourselves for after we are married. Some of our friends even our recently married friends are having trouble with their relationship and with the divorce rate so high, what are the chances that my marriage will work? Do I just have cold feet or am I not ready to get married?

First off, I don’t think you’re a freak for reserving full sexual expression till after you’re married. It wasn’t too long ago when that was the norm. But even people who enter marriage as established sex partners aren’t assured success.

I caution you to jettison any Pollyanna notion you might have about marriage being a breeze, or that all you need is love. These are dangerous fictions. Your recently married friends have problems because there are always problems in a marriage. It’s the nature of relationships. Hopefully, the problems you guys will face won’t be insurmountable, but sure as shootin’ problems will be your constant companions, even big problems. So count on it and prepare yourself accordingly.

You can also be assured that the problems you will encounter, regardless of their nature, will impact on your sex life together. Money concerns, the stresses of a career, kids, in-laws, you name it will all influence how you perceive your spouse. Nothing dampens ardor like financial difficulties or meddlesome relatives.

So Paige, rather than focus on the nature of your sex life as you enter your marriage, may I suggest that you concentrate on the bigger picture. And in order to do that you need to ask; why do most traditional, sexually exclusive marriages flounder? They crumble because they can’t bear up under the strain of the couple’s expectations for each other. Simply stated, they want too much from their spouse. They expect companionship, economic support and family for sure, but they also expect their partner to be their best friend, confidant and passionate lover. That’s a pretty tall order to fill for a single individual. Who wouldn’t have cool feet, or even be frozen in place, faced with those daunting expectations.

A lot of engaged couples overly concern themselves with the sexual viability or their relationship. My sense is that sexual concerns, by themselves, don’t tax a marriage to the point of breaking. You’ll notice that I said, ’sexual concerns, by themselves’. While sex and intimacy issues are indeed real and sometimes overwhelming, it’s the underpinnings of the relationship that bring these sexual issues into stark relief. Let me give you an example.

Say I’ve just spent 60 hours this past week at work; I get snarled in traffic on my commute every single day. I drag my sorry ass home to a loving partner, who may have been looking forward to an amorous night of sex play. But I’m completely fagged out, so to speak. I simply don’t have an interest in the old slap and tickle. It’s not that I don’t love my spouse; I do! I don’t have the energy to even squeeze one off by myself, let alone please and pleasure my partner.

Or say I’ve been caring for a house full of sick, ornery kids all day; and freaking out about our family’s precarious financial situation. I have barely the time and energy to rustle together some grub for the brood, when my loving partner, who may have been looking forward to an amorous night of sex play, arrives back at the homestead with stars in his/her eyes. I’m exhausted; and the idea of a tussle in the sack is the last thing on my mind. It’s not that I don’t love my spouse; on the contrary. I just don’t feel attractive, interesting, or more importantly, randy.

As these examples point out it’s not that the sexual energy has flown the coop. More often than not couples who face the tribulations of life together redirect their energy into resolving more pressing concerns than gearing up for sex. The reason I know this for certain is, if I were to take this stressed out couple away from the humdrum of their day-to-day, and land them on a tropical beach without a care in the world; I know for certain they’d fuck like bunnies.

Another example, say a couple is joined at the hip; you know the ones I’m talking about. Where one or the other partner can hardly take a trip to the loo without their spouse traipsing along. Many couples think this kind of closeness is a sign of their love and fidelity, and it may very well be for them. But I can guarantee this kind of familiarity will also stifle sexual passion. The truth of the matter is erotic fervor is dependent on at least a modicum of mystery. If I know my partner like the back of my hand, I’m less likely to see him/her as a sexual object; in the same sexual way as when we were courting.

This also can be proven. Why is the chick at work, who I have virtually nothing in common with, such a turn on? How is it that my yoga instructor, someone I hardly know and who pays me no attention, make me wet? It’s the mystery or the forbidden that jacks up the sexual tension.

The way I see it is passionate sex is dependent on a good deal of sexual tension. This kind of tension dissipates with time and it takes a great deal of work to keep that tension alive. Most couples don’t invest that kind of energy; even though they may pay lip service to the notion that they want the passion to continue.

Intimacy, on the other hand, is dependent on domestic tranquility, in other words, the elimination of tension in the relationship; regrettably this also includes sexual tension. And since most couples desire intimacy over sex they choose (either consciously or not) the path of domestic tranquility. But the result can be the kind of sexual frustration so many married people report.

I’ve been to a lot of wedding; and I’ve officiated at more than I can count. I’ve helped numerous couples construct their vows. Generally the first thing they want to say to each other is something like: “I promise to be your best friend, your confidant; your constant companion. Sound familiar? I thought it might. What I never hear is: “I promise to always be up for all your hot monkey love.” Not only would that vow be a showstopper; it would be an impossible promise to keep, unless you’re a blow-up doll. Frankly, it’s so much easier being a best friend or confident than the sexual siren that will be the answer to all your erotic dreams after we’re married for a few years.

Sexual exclusivity is at the heart of the romantic ideal. That’s why sexual infidelity is such a bugaboo in our culture. But the truth of the matter is, sustaining a model where marriage is the font from which all fulfillment flows is simply unrealistic. Maybe if we expect sexual exclusivity from our spouse, we ought to manage our other expectations of him/her (best friend, confidant, etc.) more pragmatically.

I am of the mind that since more than 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce; we must look at the relationship model we are laboring under. Maybe the romantic ideal is simply an illusion. I mean we can’t honestly try to explain away the divorce rate by saying all these couples simply married the wrong people. Know what I mean?

The parameters of a healthy, successful marriage will need to expand and contract with the stresses put upon it; it is after all a living entity. The balance between dependence and independence will constantly shift; so will the power dynamic in the relationship. Carve these things in stone and you will be mark a grave, not milestones on a path to growth.

Good luck

Big Fat Q&A Show — Podcast #207 — 05/24/10

Hey sex fans,

We take a bit of a break from The Erotic Mind podcast series today to attend to the unsightly buildup in both my voicemail and email in-boxes. And you know there’s nothing more embarrassing that unsightly buildup in your box, huh?

  • Josh shoots meth in his dick. But there’s been an accident.
  • Jen has a BF that can’t get her off.
  • Brandi has been going along for the ride for 10 years!
  • Coral is starving to death…sexually.
  • Billy is in the throws of andropause and he’s clueless.
  • Betty’s vibrator broke…inside her!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

I wanna take a moment to remind you to check out another great website in the Dr Dick family of sites. It’s my new PRODUCT REVIEW site — drdicksextoyreviews.com

That’s right, sex fans, now it’s so easy to see what hot and what’s not in the world of adult products. I review of all kinds of adult related goodies — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, herbal products, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE!

Look for the drdicksextoyreviews.com. You’ll be so glad you did.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Some assembly required!

Hi Dr Dick,
Happy (belated) New Year! I have two questions for you:
1. I am taking a long time to cum when I’m given a blowjob or hand job and eventually I need to stroke off on my own (for a pretty long time as well). However, I cum pretty quickly when I masturbate while watching porn. Am I masturbating to porn too much? I have also masturbated to porn for years before I started having sex recently (I’m not sure whether this could be a reason as well).
2. You mention that we shouldn’t use soup while cleaning our anus. Why is that so? I just read about douching but I have been cleaning my anus with warm water, soap, and finger. Is that ok?
Thanks in advance!  — Ken

Can’t hardly say if you are masturbating to porn too much.  I mean, what is too much anyway?  And since you don’t go into detail; I’ll let that issue rest.

What I can tell you is that partnered sex, regardless of the activity (blowjobs, hand jobs or full-on fucking) is a whole lot different than solo sex (with or without porn).  I can also assure you that your body has become sensitized to your particular grip and stroke over the years of you pullin your own pud.  Another person’s grip and stroke (pussy or asshole) will rarely satisfy in the same efficient manner.  This is not a bad thing, necessarily, but you do have to keep that in mind.  And perhaps your sexual response will change with time as you enjoy more and varied partnered sex.

In terms of you taking too long (whatever that means) to cum when you are with a partner, maybe you need to quit trying so hard to get off and lay back and enjoy the sensations you’re getting from your partner.  And here’s a tip; use your biggest sex organ, your brain, to replay some of that hot porn action in your head while you are gettin head.  That will surely hasten things along, if ya know what I mean.

In terms of your next question about keeping your hole clean; you may have misunderstood previous comments I’ve made about anal douching.  Soap and water is the preferred method of keeping the outside of your ass clean.  And while you’re scrubbin’ your crack, you could use your fingertip to clean out your rosebud.  But don’t force soap beyond your sphincter.  You have delicate membranes in your rectum that will be irritated by the soap, even a mild soap.

If you need to douche, I suggest a solution of a few drops of lemon juice in warm water.   Some men prefer the convenience of a shower bidet.

Name: Mike P
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: Los Angeles
My girlfriend needs to watch lesbian porn to get off and sometimes kicks me out of the bedroom to masturbate by herself.  Initially I was turned on by her desire to watch porn — but now — it’s become a blockage.  She always needs porn.  I am frustrated and to make things worse — she has started abusing me through financial manipulation. I have to pay her rent — pay for her food, pay everything — and she never gives me nookie.
Should I leave this woman?

Time to wake up, fella!  Your “girlfriend” — and I use that term very loosely — is decidedly not YOUR girlfriend, and possibly not any man’s girlfriend.  I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and say; I think your “girlfriend” is a certifiable, died-in-the wool, muff-divin’, coochie-lovin’ lesbiterian.  All that remains for her to do, to make the picture perfectly clear…even for you, is to show up one day in a mullet and a flannel shirt.  Holy cow, Mike, how is it that you are missing the obvious?

Listen, bub, you’re excess baggage.  Your “friend” keeps you around for comic relief…oh and to foot the bill.

Should you leave this woman; you ask.  Honey, she’s beaten you to the punch on that one.  She’s long gone and done left you way behind, at least emotionally and sexually.  All you need to do is find the door, say good-bye to this sorry situation and make a hasty exit.

Name: Michelle
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Location: Canada
Tips to help when the man you’re sleeping with has a small penis.

Tips?  No pun intended, I hope.

Ok, here goes — Tip #1, grin and bear it.  Tip #2, find a guy with more pork.  Tip #3, get a dildo.  Tip #4, find a sexual position, like doggie style, that will make the most of every little bit of pecker the poor guy’s got.  Tip #5, remember it ain’t always da meat, but it is always da motion.

Ok, seriously I do have a couple of suggestions beyond the flippant ones I just mentioned.  For example, Tip #3 still stands.  Find yourself a dildo, one that your partner can wield when he’s around.  If you introduce the concept in a positive way, you may find that Mr. Mini-meat will go for it big time.  You see, most guys with small endowments already know they may have a problem satisfying some women (or men for that matter).  But most guys, regardless of cock size, are always interested in pleasuring their partner, even when it’s not with their own magic wand.

May I suggest that you check out the swell array of dildos available at Dr Dick’s Stockroom?  You’ll find a link to this treasure trove on the top of this page.  Hey, you may even want to shop online together.  You may be surprised at the one your guy picks out for you.

While you lovebirds are checking out the dildo section at Dr Dick’s Stockroom, take a moment to search for a Cyberskin Penis Extension.

You’re gonna love this.  The new Cyberskin line of products represents a significant advance in pecker extensions that feel like the real thing. The rubber on the surface of this extension feels hauntingly like human skin. But the inside part of the (1.5″ or 3″) extension is much firmer.  It is soft and supple on the surface, but hard and rigid inside.  Mmmm, hard and rigid!

Visually, the shape, texture, and coloration of these extensions are designed to create a realistic effect as well.  They look realistic and they feel realistic.

There’s a trick to putting on one of these puppies, don’t ‘cha know.  You roll up the sleeve until it’s all the way up around the extension. Then place it against the head of your guy’s stiff dick.  Roll the bugger down snugly around his unit, sealing his peanut inside the sleeve.  A partial seal will form, helping keep the extension on during the fuck-fest.

Wearing this extension will add both length and thickness to his precious willie. It will of course reduce the sensation in his cock, but that’s not always bad thing.  Guys with a short fuse may find the decrease in stimulation an aid to controlling his ejaculation, while he’s giving more and longer pleasure to his partner.  And a lot of guys love the feeling of having their cock sealed inside the rubbery sleeve.  Mmmm, sealed inside rubbery sleeve!

Name: Jack
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Location: Milwaukee
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year.  He is the love of my life.  I love him so much, but he treats me like shit.  I met him on vacation in Florida.  He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis.  And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen.  The first time we had sex I saw stars.  He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times.  He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me.  I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him.  He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car.  I pay for his cloths and gym membership.  He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex.  My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him.  They tell me they know he sees other guys.  I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.

Like my momma always used to say:  if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it.  And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.

Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick observations about you.  You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler.  I know, I can hear you now…oh no Dr Dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help.  Bullshit!

Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john.  Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns.  It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules.   And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit.  Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!

Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation.  Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life.  You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.

Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love.  It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue.  It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love.  Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’.  Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship.  They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.

Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple.  To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense.  Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.

How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself?  He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it.  And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?

So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh?  Why is that not surprising?  But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john.  I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.

Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script.  Ya see, kids like this need structure.  He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated.  This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks.  They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many.  He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment.  And so he turned the tables on you.  You can hardly fault the guy.  You try to manipulate him with your money.  He outwits you and manipulates you with his johnson.

If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate.  And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.

There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior.  But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now.  But violence there will be; you can bank on it!

Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably?  Who knows!  If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that.  If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south.  And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.

Good Luck ya’ll

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