19 Expert-Backed Tips For Keeping Your Long-Distance Sex Life Hot

— Relationship experts share their advice for keeping the intimacy alive when you’re miles apart.

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Long-distance relationships can pose a number of challenges, but the lack of physical touch can be especially difficult.

That doesn’t mean it’s a hopeless situation, however. If you find yourself in a long-distance relationship (whether in “unprecedented” or “normal” times), there are ways to maintain a hot sex life. We asked dating coaches, sex educators and other relationship experts to share their advice for keeping things spicy in a long-distance relationship. Read on for 19 tips.

Start slow.

“Not everyone is accustomed to long-distance intimacy. Start slow and get to know what you and your partner find fun and sexy. You can start with a flirty text or photo and work your way up to more intimate virtual encounters.” ― Andrea McGinty, a dating coach and founder of 33 Thousand Dates

Build anticipation.

“One thing that keeps IRL couples going is the anticipation of seeing one another for dates and being able to look forward to events, trips and other milestone moments together. If you and your boo are separated right now, you might have to manufacture that feeling. Put special virtual dates on the calendar weeks in advance that you can look forward to.” ― Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and host of the “Dates & Mates” podcast

Invest in toys.

“You can pick up an app-controllable sex toy that can be operated from across the planet!” ― Zoe Ligon, a sex educator and founder of Spectrum Boutique

“You can enhance the mutual masturbation with haptically connected sex toys, like the Max2 and Nora by Lovesense, which is literally designed for long-distance lovers. His device is a penis sleeve, hers is a full-on vibrator — and when they’re in sync, the movement of one toy triggers the response of the other.” ― Ian Kerner, a sexuality counsellor and author of “So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex”

Organise creative activities.

“Give your virtual connections some kind of (ahem) activity. It doesn’t have to be a sexy one. You could plan a distance game night, play truth or dare together, do a sip-and-paint night, watch the same steamy show together (virtually), write each other old-fashioned love letters ― get creative.” ― Hoffman

Plan sexy video calls.

“In terms of sexual connection, sexting, pictures and screen-sex with each other can go a long way. It goes without saying that you need to fully trust your partner in order to send anything salacious. But if you do, the self-pleasure via electronic connection can be super sexy. Having a box of various self-pleasure toys can also bolster the variety of sensations and fun.” ― Jenni Skyler, sex therapist at the The Intimacy Institute

“Set up a Zoom chat and watch some hot ethical porn together. Try Erika Lust if you’re new to the world of ethical porn. In Gallery View, you can have a mutual masturbation session once you can’t take it anymore. Try to synchronise your orgasms.” ― Kerner

Make a bucket list.

“Create a bucket list together using a bucket list book, where you share hopes and aspirations for the future and connect and add to it weekly. This can help keep your discussions lively and fresh, as many bucket list items have to do with travel and can even be about intimacy goals and things you want to try together.” ― McGinty

Step up your communication.

“Few things are as triggering as talking about sex and intimacy for most people, so if you are new to the relationship or new to talking about your needs and wants, be gentle with yourself and your partner. Be curious and present without any judgement. Especially if you are separated physically, you want to ensure you are not ‘walking away’ from each other energetically. It can feel uncomfortable at first, but talking about sex and intimacy can also be the most rewarding and satisfying thing you do.” ― Ian Lavalley a relationship and intimacy expert with 7 Star Love

“Be impeccable with your communication. This includes volume and quality. I like to encourage couples to text or call a few times in the day and get in at least one FaceTime session per day. This may seem like a lot, but if they miss a day or two, then the increased volume on the other days can compensate for missed days. The goal is to somewhat replicate what healthy couples do who live under the same roof. In terms of quality, sharing our experience ― be it a basic rundown of the day to deeper, more meaningful feelings ― is best done with extreme ownership. … Refrain from pointing any fingers, making any assumptions, and placing any blame. Rather, we own our feelings, our fears, and even our assumptions. We use ‘I’ language and ask questions with curiosity and compassion. The reason we need to do this is because it’s easy to fight, close the computer screen, and ignore the problem from afar for days on end. Nothing gets resolved and tension can grow exponentially.” ― Skyler

Take turns ‘hosting’ dates.

“I encourage couples to take turns hosting virtual date nights. This can be at the very basic level, where one partner selects the movie that they both watch together virtually, to the more sexually charged, like planning a virtual night out with themed food and toys that you have sent to your partner’s home prior to the date. The important thing is to mix it up and take turns showing each other fun aspects of your personality and sexuality.” ― McGinty

Create a romantic photoshoot.

“Slip into your hottest lingerie ― or boy shorts and a tight tank, whatever makes you feel good ― and pose for the camera. Then write provocative captions for each photo, including what you’d do to him if he was there, and send. Show as much or as little as you like, include your face or not — it’s all up to you. Or, FaceTime him with seductive poses, and let him screen-shot the images he likes!” ― Sadie Allison, a sexologist and the author of “Ride ’Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking

Be clear about your boundaries.

“Because it’s long-distance, being really clear on your relationship and sexual boundaries is important. Are you sexually exclusive? Do you have other sexual partners when in different places? Again, don’t make any assumptions. Get super clear so you are on the same page and can have lots of fun without the context of your relationship.” ― Skyler

Surprise each other.

“Keep it interesting, and switch it up. If you have fallen into a virtual sex rut, add a new element. Pick out a new sex toy you want to try, send a surprise gift, write a letter. If you are used to sexting, try video or vice versa. The important thing is to switch it up and take turns planning.” ― McGinty

“Surprise each other with remote ways to be intimate ― mystery and lack of predictability are great ingredients of a thriving sex life!” ― Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specialising in couples and family therapy

Practice self-care.

“Continue to practice your own self-care and sexuality experiences — keeping yourself in a positive mental state and feeling sexy will do more for you than nightly phone sex sessions (which are rare in long-distance couples anyway).” ― Hoffman

“Keep working out, keep getting your mani/pedis, treat yourself to a mask while you WFH. The sexier you feel, the sexier you will be.” ― McGinty

Make a sexual ‘menu.’

“One thing I work on with all couples who want to keep the spark alive in their relationship is a sexual menu. In order to create a menu, each partner makes a list of all things he or she would potentially want to do or try in the sensual, sexual and erotic arena. I encourage people to be expansive, think out of the box, have fun with it — and just because something is only on your list doesn’t mean you have to try it. It’s a sort of sexual brainstorming without shame or expectation. Once they have given this thought and written it out, they share. The ground rules are no obligation, no shaming. … There may be things you haven’t thought of and once you see them, you would consider, and there also may be things you just aren’t game for — and that has to be OK. Everyone is unique and it’s OK to have different desires and fantasies. This can become like a game, choosing different menu items to try and alternating between the two menus and taking turns with things on both menus getting high priority … erotic literature or fantasy graphic novels, or cooking naked together (by video) or using some erotic toys…” ― Ross

Keep it audio-only.

“Couples are going to benefit from the increased courage and detachment of a phone call and they can share personal things they have a hard time disclosing face-to-face. For this reason, let’s let go of any dependency on video chat and go for old-school phone calls. There’s a reason radio is considered the most intimate medium. When we can watch, we often stop listening. When we can be watched, we can become preoccupied with our appearance. So relax and talk.” ― Steven Ing, a marriage and family therapist

“Before cellphones and FaceTime, we’d spend hours talking on landlines, enjoying the mystique of hearing your lover’s voice and using your imagination for the rest. Explore sexy talk with only your words and fluctuations of your voice to serenade. Remember it’s not always ‘what’ you say, but ‘how’ you say it. Tips: Speak much slower than you normally would, bring your voice low — like down to a whisper like you’re just waking up — and breath heavier into the phone.” ― Allison

Ask questions.

“We teach our clients who have long-distance relationships to nurture curiosity and longing. Everyone will say have phone sex or video sex, and that’s fine, but you can actually create amazing connection and desire through curiosity. Curiosity means asking your partner what he or she would like to experience sexually and how you can meet those. This is also a great sexual mastery skill — actually listening and delivering on that! … To make this safe and less awkward, start by telling your partner what you really love about them and what you miss the most ― and what you wish to see, touch, cherish again. Then ask them to share what they want and would like to experience.” ― Lavalley

Release your inhibitions.

“If you tend to hold back because of inhibitions, now is a good time to try to push past some of them. Keep it fun. If something doesn’t turn out great, it’s OK. Many factors go into a hot sex life and it could just be an off day.” ― Ross

Have sex with yourself.

“Focus on your sexual relationship with yourself, even if you have a partner! While this isn’t the goal of masturbation, sexual time with yourself can make partnered sex even more amazing because it can help us know what types of stimulation we like and help us figure out how to communicate that to a partner.” ― Ligon

Fantasise.

“Conjure up a fantasy about your partner, one that you can get off to. Orgasm is a very powerful reward that lights up all parts of the brain and leads to feelings of well-being. Too often we’re pairing our solo orgasms with a porn performer or character in an erotic novel, but by masturbating to fantasies of your partner you’re linking that feel-good reward with the long-distance lover you’re missing and reinforcing the connection between the two of you. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but we also need to stay erotically focused on each other and find ways to use that absence creatively.” ― Kerner

“Fantasise about being with your partner again and what you want to do. If you feel comfortable, you can even share your fantasies with your partner. That can be hot!” ― Rachel Needle, licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist

Give yourself grace.

“Often the first thing I offer my long-distance couples to consider (and many of my non-long-distance couples, for that matter), is to give themselves grace. NOTHING is normal right now, so expecting your sex life to not only be normal but to thrive is perhaps unrealistic. … Much of our cultural messaging about relationships is that a problem around sex means a problem with the relationship, and part of the work I’m doing now with many couples is helping them realize that that is not entirely true. They don’t have to beat themselves up if nothing about their sex life is fulfilling right now. The beauty of this grace, self-compassion and acceptance is that a lot of times, taking that pressure off actually improves the sexual situation!” ― Jill McDevitt, a sexologist and sexual happiness coach

Complete Article HERE!

A sex therapist’s advice on having a successful long-distance relationship

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In the new season of Sex Education, Otis and Maeve, our favourite “will-they-won’t-they” couple (let’s be honest, Ross and Rachel aren’t quite as fun), are taking a chance on love again. However, as ever, things aren’t so easy. This time they have to work out how to be together while apart, as Maeve embarks on a writing course in the US. Yep, they are in an LDR (long-distance relationship).

Typically, LDRs are deemed less successful compared to couples in closer proximity. But being in close proximity doesn’t always go hand-in-hand with relationship satisfaction. I’ve seen this myself as a sex and relationship therapist, where I frequently encounter clients who, despite living side-by-side, still experience feelings of loneliness and a lack of intimacy with their partners.

And, according to a survey in 2021, 58% of couples in LDRs do manage to sustain a satisfactory lasting relationship. So don’t write them off. And if you’re in one yourself, here are some useful tips on how to negotiate the potential pitfalls of an LDR.

1. Texting

As Maeve and Otis’s relationship unfolds, they quickly learn how to navigate through the dos and don’ts of long-distance dating and communication mishaps. For example, while the duo starts off in a playful texting manner, communication suddenly comes to a halt. How the couple engage next is an example of how texts can be hard to interpret and lead to misunderstandings.

Take the question mark for example – it can mean many things. Maeve asks Otis for a sexy picture, a request that goes unanswered so she sends him a “?”. While Maeve is expressing impatience or frustration, feeling like she is being ignored, Otis interprets the text as pressure. While it isn’t her intention, the text contributes to making him feel embarrassed, awkward and under pressure to respond. Same text, different feelings.

In my experience, there are perhaps better ways of communicating by text. When we don’t have the words, we rely instead on limited textual cues – emoticons, question marks, gifs and so on – which makes it easy for our texts to be misconstrued and sometimes get “lost in translation”. Text messaging in LDRs demand exceptional communication skills. So always be clear about what you need (and how to ask for it) and always communicate openly and honestly about how you feel.

Other texting tips to consider when you are in LDRs:

  • Avoid heavy (emotionally loaded) topics by text.
  • Minimise ambiguity when texting to avoid misunderstandings.
  • Always check in with your emotions and self-regulate before texting your partner.
  • Consider time zones and different schedules.
  • Communicate frequently.
  • Be present and responsive during interactions.
  • Organise regular face-to-face meetings to maintain connectedness.

2. Understand attachment styles

Distance can trigger feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Attachment theory provides a valuable framework for understanding the formation of love relationships and what influences how individuals perceive, initiate and maintain romantic connections.

For example, individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have healthier, more stable and satisfying relationships. In contrast, fearful-avoidants fear rejection and often hold negative views of both themselves and their partner.

When researchers looked at how individuals connect and keep their relationships going, they found something interesting. People who are not so sure about their relationships avoid being close. They don’t express their true feelings or don’t like to talk about themselves in the relationship or don’t give much assurance. Assurance in this context is regarding love and how much you care about someone and the relationship. These maintenance behaviours are necessary for relationship satisfaction and for building trust.

For Otis, trust is an issue as he grapples with a new handsome friend of Maeve’s. Feelings of inadequacy rise. Could his greatest fear be abandonment? And if so, might this explain his uncertainty about the status or future of the relationship?

Eventually, Otis opens up about his fears that Maeve is not fully committed and that she might never come back. This is a good example of a couple practising honesty and openly communicating their emotions, ultimately fostering a stronger connection between them.

3. Creative long-distance sex

Research has found that sex is beneficial to our wellbeing, whether it is solo or with a partner(s). Yet often the biggest challenge for monogamous couples in LDRs is the lack of physical closeness.

 

So, how can LDR couples bridge that gap? Otis and Maeve have a go at phone sex, which they enhance with sex toys.

Even though couples are not able to actually touch each other, technology is incredibly useful in maintaining a sense of togetherness. Many sex toy companies have developed a range of toys for long-distance couples, enabling them to connect interactively to their lover’s device.

In our increasingly interconnected world, it is fair to say, that navigating LDRs can be complex. The success of these relationships hinges on many factors, including the quality of communication, the level of commitment, attachment styles, trust, and the coping strategies adopted by those involved.

Meanwhile, despite occasional challenges and setbacks, Otis and Maeve seem to be handling their long-distance relationship quite well.

Complete Article HERE!

12 Video Chat Sex Tips From Women In Long Distance Relationships

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Thanks to the novel coronavirus pandemic, pretty much everything you used to do in person—work, happy hour, doc appointments, weddings—have all moved to Zoom, Google Hangouts, and Facetime. But sex? Yep. That too.

Katie, 29, a New York-based publicist is one of the unlucky lovebirds who has unexpectedly found herself in a LDR. “Pre-quarantine, my boyfriend and I probably had sex five or six times a week, and surprisingly the pandemic hasn’t changed how often we’re having sex, just how we have sex,” she says. “And I’ve gotta admit, video sex is way more intimate and fun than I thought it would be.”

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“COVID-19 pandemic or not, video sex with a partner can be totally hot,” says Zhana Vrangalova, PhD, professor of human sexuality at New York University and resident sexpert for sex-toy brand LELO. Think about it, you’re basically creating a personal porno just for your partner. “But unlike porn, video sex is a two-way street—you’re able to watch and hear your partner while they watch and hear you.” Hot, right?

But video chat sex can feel super awk at first, and there’s indeed an art to it. Here are tips from Katie and other women about how to make “special” video calls even better.

How to have video sex you actually enjoy:

1. Pick your platform wisely.

Before you even think about getting busy on camera, do a little research about the platform you’re thinking about using. Zoom, Skype, and WhatsApp, for instance, all have explicit rules against nudity and sexually explicit material. Sorry to break it to ya.

What platforms are video-sex kosher? At the time of publication, FaceTime and Telegram have no explicit rules against it.

2. Only do it with partners you trust…like, a lot.

About to accept a video call? Do a gut check. “Screenshots are absolutely a thing, so if any part of you feels like this person might take screenshots without your consent, opt out,” says Carly, 32, New York-based founder of Dildo or Dildon’t. Even if it’s been over a month since you’ve last got laid, no case of quarantine randies is worth some jerk having your nudes without consent or knowledge.

3. Schedule it in advance.

Feeling a little ‘LOL WHAT ARE DAYS?.’ Scheduling your sesh in advance just as you would for an IRL meet-up can help, says Maile, 30, a New York-based operations manager. “Scheduling video sex with my new boo helps make my days feel a little less monotonous, and it actually gives me something to look forward to.”

Plus, she says planning ahead gives her at least a few hours to figure out what lingerie she’s going to wear underneath her clothes, what toys she wants to have fully charged (important!), what lube she wants ready for use, and *exactly* where she’ll set up her camera (see below).

4. Figure out where you’ll set up the camera.

Your first instinct might just be to hold the phone. But getting freaky (read: orgasming) over video is way easier when you have both your hands to, ahem, aid in arousal.

Find a place to prop your phone up so that the lighting is in front of (not behind!) you, suggests Carly. “You also want the camera to be slightly higher up than you are,” she says. She invested in the GripTight Gorilla stand (shown here) so that she can set her phone up at an optimal height/place in the bedroom or bathroom or living room (hate to say it, but the best lighting may actually not be in the bedroom).

But if you don’t want to splurge on some video sex-cessories, Maile says, “I’ve been propping my phone up against a stack of books on my bedside table and it works just fine.”

5. Limit distractions.

Generally speaking, it’s rude as hell to check your cell or email when you’re out with your boo. But when you’re both (partially or fully) naked?? Well, *leaves meeting*.

Put your phone in do not disturb mode and disable your Slack and email notifications. “It can be hard enough to establish intimacy via video, so the last thing I want is a work email to interrupt the moment,” says Sarah Sloane, a sex educator who’s been coaching sex toy classes at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest since 2001.

6. Treat it like a date.

Don’t feel like you need to be naked, sprawled, and ready the second you answer the call. If you’re feeling romantic, make a whole damn date night out of it like Maile and her S.O. do.

“I may be living in a world of back-to-back meetings. But these video sessions aren’t that—these video sessions are what we’re resorting to in place of in-person date and romps,” she says.

So, she gets dressed up (lingerie underneath, of course), lights candles, cleans the apartment, breaks out a bottle of wine, and makes a fancy dinner. “We like to start with a drink, maybe some food, talk about our days, and when the mood veers toward the sensual or sexual, we let it,” she says. Modern romance!

7. Or have a quickie.

If you’re like Sloane and only have time for (or simply prefer) quickies, you’ve got another option: lean into sex-texting as foreplay. “We’re both working, so we like to sext all day long to build up the anticipation. Then, when we’re both unbearably horny and have a few minutes, we’ll hop on [camera] and get off together real quick,” she says.

8. If you’re nervous, say so!

Spoiler alert: These are unprecedented times that we’re livin’ in, and we’re all just trying to find ways to get our skin hunger met and feel a little less socially distant. So chances are your partner is just as new to this as you are.

“Telling my partner that I was nervous but excited helped me relax,” says new video sex aficionado, Angelica*, 31, a Texas-based accountant. “It turned out they were also nervous, which helped take some of the pressure off.”

9. Pull out the pleasure products.

The Womanizer may be your go-to, but Carly recommends bringing in toys that are way more ~visual~ than that. “You don’t want a toy that you just plop onto your bits, you want a toy that helps you put on a show.” Her suggestion? Opt for a thrusting vibrator like the Fun Factory Stronic G or Calexotics Shameless Tease. “I like to position them between my legs, then angle the camera down so my partner can see them rocking.”

Finger vibrators like the Dame Fin or Unbound Palma are good options too because your partner can still see your bits—and how you like to stroke yourself—even with the toy in the frame.

Oh, and take a tip from Sloane and ask if your partner has any sex toys that will really turn them off. You’re doing this together, remember?

10. Use lube.

Even if you don’t usually use lube during IRL sex, without your Babe’s hand and mouth in the mix helping to warm you up (or tbh, your go-to porno), it may take you a little longer to self-lubricate. And that’s where lube comes in. “Not only will the lube cut down on the friction, but it’s also visually sexy because it makes you look wet and slick on camera,” says Carly.

11. Make some noise.

It might sound a little “duh,” but when you’re video-sexing, in addition to not getting to touch your partner, you don’t get to smell or taste them. That’s why hamming up the audio component is a must. “All my partner gets is the sight and sound of me, so I really ramp up the dirty talk, moaning, and heavy breathing,” says Sloane.

If you’re feeling nervous about dirty talking, that’s A-OK, too. Katie doesn’t dirty talk at all, and she still has what she calls “orgasmic video sex.” “Instead of trying to say something more wild than I would if we were offline, I just let whatever moans and sounds that would happen naturally, happen,” she says.

12. Have fun!

“If there’s a silver lining in any of this,” says Kate, “it’s that it’s given my partner and me some more time to experiment with what feels good for both of us, have some seriously hot fun, and practice communicating our sexual wants and needs.”

Complete Article HERE!

25 Ways to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Last

Physical distance shouldn’t be a barrier to happiness.

 

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Long distance relationships are challenging. Although you may have strong feelings for your partner, prolonged periods of time apart and a lack of physical intimacy can put any couple’s bond to the test. Deciding to commit to a long-distance relationship is an important decision, and couples have to be clear about their expectations, feelings, and boundaries before moving forward with this type of relationship. Communication, trust, and emotional intimacy have to lay the foundation so that the couple can continue to grow, even if they’re miles apart.

The good news is that long distance relationships are not impossible! “Challenging times call for some flexibility, which is a hallmark of a successful relationship. While it is difficult not being in close physical proximity, it is an opportunity to deepen and enrich the relationship in ways you may not have been able to do previously,” says Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, M.S., a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist at TheMarriageRestorationProject.com. Long-distance relationships present the chance to get to know your partner on a deeper level, strengthen your emotional intimacy, and sustain a lasting connection. “It will also be a test if your relationship has staying power,” Slatkin says.

Thankfully, we live in the 21st century and have technology, so there are plenty of ways to maintain communication and an intimate connection with your partner at a distance. Having daily phone calls, video-chatting, and scheduling virtual dates are just some of the ways you can stay close with your significant other. And if the spark ever starts to diminish, we have plenty of tips from experts to keep your relationship fresh, exciting, and intimate (yep, even physically!). Here are smart tips from experts and Prevention.com editors to help your long-distance relationship make it through the long haul.

1 Stay connected with daily calls and check-ins.

Although communication is important to all relationships, openly communicating with your partner is especially vital for couples in long distance relationships, says Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author. “Many long-distance relationships deteriorate when partners forget to engage in little rituals that build healthy connection. It’s important to remember that small niceties like a tender goodnight call or a loving wake-up text go a long way,” she says.

2 And use a full range of ways to keep in touch.

Ryan Drzewiecki, Psy.D., Director of Psychology at All Points North Lodge, suggests relying on various means of communicating outside of a phone call.Send photos and videos throughout the day, share memes that made you laugh, link an article you found to be thought-provoking, or send a care package through the mail,” he says. “By mixing it up, you keep everything interesting and fun, and avoid having the act of communication become a dull routine.”

3 Video chat with your partner weekly.

Communication is essential to making long distance relationships work, but seeing your partner’s face is especially important to maintaining the connection, says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., Beverly Hills and New York City based family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent, regular expert child psychologist on The Doctors, CBS TV, and co-star on WE TV. Through video chatting, couples can read body language, facial cues, and additional messages that tell us how the other person truly feels, Walfish says. “The goal is to learn what feels good to her and communicate what feels good to you.”

4 Write handwritten letters.

Writing letters is not an activity of the past! “There is something deeply special and personal in a handwritten letter, and as a couples counselor, I have found that people are often able to be more vulnerable in their writing,” says Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. “Getting something from your partner in the mail is fun, exciting, and feels like something tangible to hold on to while apart.”

5 Find creative ways to bond.

To keep the relationship fresh and exciting, dream up some creative ways to connect with your partner. “If you want to have a movie night, thanks to Amazon Prime, Netflix, and other streaming services, it’s very possible to set up a date night to Skype or Zoom while the two of you Netflix and chill,” says Christopher Ryan Jones, Psy.D. psychologist and sex therapist, member of both the American Psychological Association (APA), and host of Sex Therapy with Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones podcast. He also suggests surprising your partner with flowers, chocolates, or other thoughtful gifts they’ll appreciate from miles away.

6 Have a virtual date night.

While watching a movie at the same time as your partner is an obvious way to have virtual date night, there are plenty of other exciting options that couples can do to build romance while physically apart. Tara Overzat, Ph.D., online mental health counselor at Getting Overzat, recommends enjoying a meal together over Zoom or doing a virtual tour of a museum, such as the Louvre, together. “Even when you are apart, it is important to carve out time for a special activity the two of you can do together,” she says.

7 And create themed dates.

Just because you’re miles away from your partner, it doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun with date night. Choose a themed date night a few times a month to really freshen up your virtual date. The options are endless, but consider a wine tasting, pasta making, or painting.

8 Try a couple’s personality assessment.

Alisha Sweyd, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, recommends that long-distance couples do a couple’s personality assessment together, like the Better Love Assessment or the SYMBIS Assessment. “These assessments help you to have discussions about how your personalities work together to make an incredible and unique relationship,” Sweyd says. “They also share where you may have pitfalls that you can struggle with, and discuss ways of overcoming those obstacles. This will allow for more emotional connection and intimacy as well as strengthen the relationship as a whole.”

9 And have regular “brainstorming dates.”

A “brainstorming date” is when couples talk about what’s working and what’s challenging in the long-distance relationship, explains Karin Lawson, Psy.D., licensed Florida psychologist in private practice. “The goal of your brainstorming date is to problem-solve together (here comes the teamwork) to figure out what needs tweaking,” she says. “This might mean frequency of contact, mode of contact, what you talk about, etc. The point is to also highlight your strengths as a couple and to give credit to what’s working.”

10 Make a relationship bucket list.

Creating a bucket list can be a fun way to keep couples united on their goals and enhance excitement. Sure, you can fill the bucket list with long-term goals like moving closer together, but you can also keep your list simple and filled with fun activities. For instance, maybe your bucket list includes a trip to Mexico, running a half marathon, or attending a cooking class. The sky is the limit!

11 Find shared activities.

“Even though you’re far apart, it is important to do things together, in addition to just talking on the phone or using FaceTime,” Drzewiecki says, adding that long distance couples can synchronize activities like morning coffee, eating lunch, watching shows, or playing games together. “Shared activities will keep you engaged and interested in one another, and prevent the relationship from falling in a rut,” he says.

12 Maintain sexual intimacy.

Although it could be challenging to create a sex life without physical connection, it’s certainly not impossible, says Carolina Pataky, Ph.D., licensed marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist and certified sex therapist. “It’s important to make the effort to be open and honest with one another about your needs, feelings and desires. Thanks to our technological advances you can maintain sexual connection,” she says, adding that long distance couples should give virtual sex a try. “Sex can be a way for you to bond with your partner and share pleasure and fun.”

13 Try a couple’s vibrator.

“Distance does not mean the intimacy is gone,” Jones says. You can take virtual sex up another level with a couple’s vibrator. “Fortunately, there are companies like We-Vibe that make amazing products that your partner can control from anywhere in the world,” he says, referring to the We-Vibe Sync. “This can really spice things up when you are away from your partner.”

14 Read a book about sex.

Long-distance couples can read a book about sex simultaneously, Sweyd suggests. “Sexual intimacy is crucial in relationships, and especially hard in long distance relationships,” she says. “During the time apart, reading a book about sexual intimacy in relationships can help to strengthen the sexual intimacy.” Most importantly, couples can discuss the book together. “Reading the book can help to spark the conversations that help a couple communicate about sex in a healthy and productive way,” she says.

15 Establish expectations.

With the element of distance, couples should discuss their expectations and desires for the relationship. “Manage unhealthy habits by communicating and taking responsibility for your fears, needs and hopes,” Pataky says. “Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long-distance relationship.”

16 And be honest about your wants and needs.

Couples in a long-distance relationship must be honest about their desires and needs, says Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy, a group psychotherapy practice in Los Angeles. “If you’re afraid to ask for something, let your partner know you’re a little nervous about bringing it up,” she recommends. “Hopefully you and your partner are able to hear each other without judgment, and come to a compromise.”

17 Don’t forget to openly discuss any concerns.

Manly says, in long-distance relationships, there can be a temptation to compartmentalize or avoid discussing bothersome issues. “Healthy long-distance relationships thrive when partners trust that they can safely discuss their worries and concerns,” she says. “Romance tends to grow stronger and couples feel more connected when they face the good and the not-so-good times as a team.”

18 And be sure to set rules and standards.

In addition to establishing expectations and boundaries, Pataky suggests setting some ground rules. “Talk about exclusivity, dating others, and so on so you can both be clear on where you each stand with one another,” she says. “Understand your commitment level and what that means to each of you. It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.”

19 Build trust.

“Trust is the basis for all good relationships,” Walfish explains. “Once trust is established and you feel safe, inhibitions decrease and free us to let loose, be ourselves, and be free within the context of coupling up.” Walfish says that long-distance couples can build trust can be built through consistent communication, specifically, over video chat. “The foundation of developing trust can begin long distance through Skype conversations,” she says.

20 Make plans to see each other.

“If possible, have regular in person visits,” Small suggests. “Getting to spend in person time together is important because it allows you both to integrate into one another life and get a sense of what life together would feel like.” In-person visits create opportunities for physical intimacy, which is an important aspect of relationships.

21 Plan a surprise trip.

Because you’ll be traveling to see each other anyway, why not switch things up and meet your partner in a really cool place? Plan a surprise trip, and your long-awaited reunion will be better than you could have ever expected.

22 Before you leave them, hide a gift in their home.

When you do get the chance to visit your partner, leave a little surprise for them to find after you’re gone. Purchase a small gift or write a thoughtful note and hide it somewhere in their home. They’ll be so happy to find it later on!

23 And swap belongings before you go.

When you’re really missing your partner, take one of their belongings home with you. It can be anything, but a fun hack is to put your partner’s T-shirt or sweatshirt around your pillow, and you can hug it and pretend it’s them at night. They’ll feel extra close.

24 Establish a timeline.

There’s a good chance that long-distance couples will eventually want to be closer together, so Pataky recommends establishing a timeline. “Humans crave touch and contact. Be honest with one another on what each of your timelines and expectations are moving forward,” she says. “Ask one another the tough questions and be willing to compromise and adjust without being afraid to ask for what you need.”

25 Remind your partner why you love them.

Although this may feel intuitive, Manly says long-distance couples should remember to tell their partner why they love them and are grateful for them. “Research shows that gratitude is an essential key for relationships—and it’s all the more important for long-distance romances that can have their share of challenges,” she says. “Take the time to let your partner know—at least a few times per week if not a few times per day—how truly grateful you are for the loving relationship.”

Complete Article HERE!

Futurists predict what your sex life may look like after the pandemic

By Anna Iovine

The macro effects of the coronavirus impact are undeniable: Hundreds of thousands of lives lost, mass unemployment, life seemingly suspended in midair. But the pandemic’s impacts have also rippled down to the minutiae of daily life, like social media behavior and messages on dating apps.

Uncertainty is now an inescapable presence. As someone who’s single, I often toil over what sex and dating will be like “after this is all over,” when and if it’s ever really over. While no one can know for sure, of course, I decided to ask futurists — people who stare uncertainty in the face for a living — for their thoughts.

Where we are now

First, let’s look at the present: Plenty of folks are still meeting people, whether virtually or by eschewing social distancing rules (and risking lives in the process) to meet up in-person. Dating apps raced to add features to keep users swiping or “liking,” from Hinge’s “Date From Home” menu to Bumble’s “Virtual Dating” badge.

Hell, even virtual orgies are a thing now.

Ross Dawson, futurist and co-author of the Future of Sex report, which was initially released in 2016, believes that the pandemic accelerated already-existing trends. Online dating was already the top way couples meet each other in the United States pre-pandemic. People have fallen in love through screens for decades now — and we’ve seen it’s not just about sex, but intimacy and engagement. Tech that allows you to hold hands from afar, for example, was a Kickstarter campaign in 2014.

What the pandemic did do, however, was push people to virtually date beyond chat. We’ve gotten creative while quarantining, now having dinner or watching a movie with a date over FaceTime. “That’s something that you are less likely to have done in the past,” said Dawson. “[You’re] sort of pushed into this situation where you’re trying to get to know each other or to build a relationship or engagement.”

“We are finding creative ways to connect intimately on all the other dimensions of intimacy.”

Dawson has actually been surprised about how slow-moving people have been with building these genuine relationships online. “It’s gone more slowly than I would have expected in terms of people really using these tools of communication and connection to engage, not just superficially with social media or chitchat or memes and stuff to ones which are truly engagement,” he said. “A lot of people are discovering the potential of this for the first time.”

Group chats are replacing bars and parties as “pick-up zones,” according to Bryony Cole, founder of Future of Sex and co-founder of Wheel of Foreplay, a game for intimacy during COVID. “The emergence of online sex parties and mixers is also allowing people to dip their toes into worlds they may have been hesitant to explore in the physical realm, like NSFW sex parties,” said Cole in an email to Mashable. 

Cole also thinks the pandemic has somewhat reverted dating into old fashioned courtship — getting to know each other before exchanging any touch or body fluids. Indeed, op-eds in the New York Times and Vanity Fair have celebrated this shift, and it’s been a running joke online that only being able to communicate virtually is rendering dating into a 21st-century Austenian story:

“We are finding creative ways to connect intimately on all the other dimensions of intimacy (emotional, intellectual, spiritual and shared experience),” wrote Cole, “whether that means swapping a recipe for the other person to cook, or actually cooking the dinner and getting it delivered to them, or divulging a deeply personal story.”

Cole believes the pandemic engendered an acceleration of an already-existing trend: The shift in sex culture. With the popularity of shows like Sex Education and Euphoria and Gwyneth Paltrow’s The Goop Lab exploring sexual wellness, it’s like our society was already primed for this shift according to Cole. 

The pandemic hasn’t changed futurist Faith Popcorn’s predictions on the future of sex and dating but, similar to Dawson and Cole, she envisions an acceleration. Popcorn, who established her futurist marketing consultancy BrainReserve in 1974, said this acceleration is already being seen in sex tech: Sales of teledildonics — smart sex toys that can be remote controlled by people on different continents — are increasing (just as sales of non-smart sex toys are). 

These spikes in sales could change VC attitudes of the sex tech industry for the better. “I have already seen a shift in attitudes with investors looking to dip their toes in the $30bn industry,” said Cole. “Previously there were challenges accessing funding because of the shame and taboo associated with sex, now it looks like an incredibly lucrative industry to be a part of, as we realize intimacy is essential.”

While these are largely positive shifts, the pandemic may be responsible for negatives as well. Popcorn pointed out that only 18 percent of couples are satisfied with communication during the pandemic. Unsurprisingly, the demand for couples therapy is up 48 percent, a Talkspace representative told Mashable.

But these are all occurrences happening now. What about when the pandemic is over?

The immediate aftermath

In the wake of the pandemic, Popcorn predicts a big spike in divorces; it’s already happening in China. Beyond that, she predicts a phased return — a term more often used in connection to coming back to work after time away. While people are craving sex and connection, they’re also scared that they could contract the virus. Popcorn said this will lead to health passports — certifications that a potential hook-up is virus free — being popular among singles. Those with antibodies will reenter the dating pool faster. 

Dawson also compared immediate post-pandemic sex and dating to working from home. Just as many companies will revert to a sort of midpoint — where not everyone is working from home anymore, but some people never return to the office — many people will go back to dating in real life right away, while others won’t.

Since far more people have experienced virtual dating, said Dawson, it’s now an option among the array of other dating options. He imitated someone’s future reasoning: “If it’s easier and it works, then yes, we can go out for a drink or a physical dinner. But maybe, for whatever reasons… let’s do a virtual dinner today. That’s actually gonna work because we’re an hour and a half away, let’s just try that instead.”

Another analogy Dawson gave was to international travel. Just as some people will be on the first flight to a foreign country, some people will seek out sex immediately — but not everyone. Others will stay put at home, and still others will not be so quick to touch and exchange bodily fluids.

In Cole’s observation of online discussion, she sees three groups emerging: “A first wave of people that are eager to get out there, a more cautious wave of folks who will only start to date when everything has opened back up and the government have okayed it, and another wave of people who may have found their new preference, to spend more time with themselves.”

She doesn’t foresee dating changing that much beyond the presence of video chat — but it depends on how long social distancing lasts. “If we were in lockdown for years instead of months, yes it would have an impact,” said Cole. “For now I expect to see normal dating patterns bounce back, albeit with some honed virtual flirting and sexting skills.”

Popcorn thinks that some people will retreat from relationships. They will experience what she calls armored cocooning, a segment of her general term cocooning, which is the need to protect oneself from the realities of the world. Armored cocooning is taking extreme measures to protect and prepare one’s household to survive and thrive. It includes necessities like food, education, and telemedicine. This coincide’s with Cole’s third group of (non)daters. 

Popcorn also foresees a level of hedonism, of people enjoying not only sex but drugs and alcohol, partying, indulging in food and purchases. Like non-monogamous relationship coach Effy Blue predicted, Popcorn said that some will buck the tradition of monogamy.

“We’ve looked in the face of the end of the world,” said Popcorn. “Monogamy? Come on. Savings accounts? Come on. Saddling my shoulders with a mortgage? No way.

“Monogamy? Come on. Savings accounts? Come on. Saddling my shoulders with a mortgage? No way.”

Dawson, too, believes that this experience could lead people to open their relationships. For him however, that’s because the pandemic came at a time where polyamory was already becoming more popular. “We’re at a social threshold,” said Dawson. “For sometime now there’s been more discussion, it’s become more acceptable, it’s become part of the conversation. The stigma is disappearing.”

“I think that this is part of that acceleration piece,” Dawson said on non-monogamy. “In the sense that it’s an existing trend reaching a threshold.” He’s unsure of how massive this specific acceleration will become, but the pandemic could act as a trigger of sorts; people who may have been interested in non-monogamy previously may actually go for it when the pandemic is over.

Looking further into the future

According to Popcorn, we’re all going to have varying degrees of PTSD after the pandemic, similar to living through a world war. This will not only make therapy — including therapy bots — essential, but it will impact our nerves, tempers, and subsequently our relationships.

The marriage rate in the US is already at an all-time low, and Popcorn believes it will sink further, as will the birth rate.

This is, at least partially, because parents see they may not always be able to regulate childcare to the educational system. “After farming, after we started coming to cities, people have found relief in send[ing] kids to school,” said Popcorn. “Now we’re seeing that maybe school will not shelter our children.”

When adding in the uncertainty of our future, the presence of climate change, more and more people may opt to be childfree. Furthermore, the massive job loss and healthcare uncertainty many people in the US are facing right now doesn’t bode well for a twenty-first century baby boom.

Cole agrees that birth rates will decline. “While some predict a baby boom because of isolation, if we look at history during times of economic uncertainty, we can assume the population will drop,” she said. 

Dawson and co-author Jenna Owsianik had several predictions about what the sex landscape may look like in the upcoming decades in their report. Here are two examples: First dates in motion capture worlds will become popular in 2022, and by 2024 people will be able to both be anybody and be with anybody in photo-realistic virtual worlds.

Dawson stands by the report, but believes one prediction may be thrusted forward due to the pandemic. By 2028, according to the report, over a quarter of young people will have had a long-distance sexual experience. “We might be able to push that forward a little bit,” said Dawson. Given that many people are opting to sext and send nudes now as opposed to risk meeting in real life, that’s certainly a possibility.

Both Dawson and Popcorn believe that human-robot relationships are the future. The Future of Sex report predicts that one in 10 young adults will have had sex with a humanoid robot in 2045, and Popcorn pointed out the rise of AI-fueled sexbots. Popcorn also foresees more “digisexuals,” people who consider technology integral to their sexuality.

“We must change and we can change.”

While this is speculation as of now, Dawson is optimistic about how the pandemic could be a catalyst for positive change. “This is a tremendous opportunity,” he said. “We must change and we can change, and in so many aspects including the nature of social relationships and how we connect and how we relate and engage and give each other pleasure.”

Cole, too, foresees positive moves going forward.

“We’ve moved on from shame,” she said, “we’ve gone beyond the giggles over vibrators from 90s Sex & The City, we’ve elevated our social sexual awareness with movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp, and now, the future of sex is set to blossom – both as an in industry, a cultural conversation and critical part of our lives.”

Complete Article HERE!

Dating in Captivity

Go ahead and reinstall Tinder in self-isolation. Or, if that doesn’t work, join a virtual sext bunker.

By

Some things about the human spirit persist, even in crisis: namely, our hunger for one another. Lauren, an editor in Austin, started seeing someone a month ago, and by date three, they’d declared their exclusivity — dating only each other and hanging out in close quarters only with each other — largely expedited by the desire to keep their coronavirus-exposure pool small. “My criteria has totally changed,” Lauren explains of dating in the time of COVID-19. “All the bullshit you kind of go for usually — none of that fuckboy stuff is going to cut it.”

It’s a different sort of contract now. “It’s like, can he play cards (yes), can he bake bread (yes), does he take social distancing seriously?,” she explains. Already, they have settled into the worn-in part of a relationship. They go on walks and hikes and drive to each other’s houses while they still can. “I don’t know how it would work necessarily in New York,” she tells me, sad for me here in the city. “There’s this jokey but real undertone now, like, ‘Oh yeah, better wash your hands after you go to the grocery store. You’ll compromise this union.’ But I’m actually pretty serious, I guess. He sent me a picture from the grocery store, and it was clear he wasn’t six feet from someone. And I actually felt, like, momentarily betrayed. I was like, Hmm, if he’s doing that, like, what else isn’t he doing?

COVID-19 is like the trip-to-Ikea litmus test for relationships: Some fizzle at the prospect; some, like Lauren’s, are successfully put on a fast track; and some just cement their digital-fuck-buddy status. The dating app Hinge found that 70 percent of its members would be happy to start digitally dating, while Tinder is making its Passport function free — now you can swipe all around the world, because, if we’re all stuck at home, it doesn’t matter where the digi-dick is coming from. And if it’s just about sex from a distance, the cam site Imlive.com reports an uptick in both visitors and model sign-ups. Sex-party organizers have started using Zoom to replicate orgies, and I’ve gotten more than one invitation to Zoom-based masturbate-a-thons.

Friends have their own anecdotes about figuring out FaceTime sex while quarantined at their parents’ house, about which vibrators they’re buying (the Lelo Sona Clitoral Massager), and about how they’re discovering new things their sex partners are into. (One was surprised by her younger boyfriend’s preference for butt play, a conversation that ended with him shaving his asshole for her over FaceTime.)

Feeld, a nonmonogamous dating app, created three virtual locations where self-isolating members can meet virtually. That was barely a week ago, and already they are the app’s most popular locations — ahead of New York and London. I’m now a Sext Bunker citizen. One recent morning, I woke up to messages from a man asking me to watch him blow his load via FaceTime. I wasn’t opposed; I just prefer some more finesse at 9 a.m. But at least he was being safe.

You can’t fault anyone for trying. The libido isn’t just persevering in quarantine; it’s loudly insisting. Even our health officials know that in times of trouble people stay horny, and the question “But can I still have sex?” is top of mind. On March 21, the New York Department of Health released guidelines for sex during the COVID-19 crisis. Rimming and kissing are two ways the disease could be transmitted, the pamphlet instructs. It grants permission to have sex with someone you live with but otherwise suggests taking a break from in-person dates and even launches a poster-worthy slogan reminding us that “YOU are your safest sex partner.” Following the guidelines, I considered a new dildo, but Amazon deems it a nonessential item. It wouldn’t arrive until May. I did download the audio-erotica app Dipsea.

The prohibition is inarguably felt most by single people like me. Just when connecting feels the most urgent, when all the other life things that used to pull so much of my focus and keep me too busy to forge those connections have been silenced — the City has been put on pause, the news is too awful to pay close attention to — we’re forced to keep away. A woman I spoke to, Alexandra, had vowed celibacy for the year 2020 — she wanted to focus on her career, until, all of a sudden, she no longer had a career to focus on. Now she’s seeking romantic (well, sexual) connections via Lex, a dating app for queer women.

Like Alexandra and countless others, I’ve also taken to FaceTime dating. I redownloaded all the apps; I now have Hinge and Tinder and Bumble and Feeld on my phone. I changed my bio to indicate I was looking for distance connections and messaged a man I’d once met via Tinder who had moved to Paris before we could meet in real life. We started sharing photos of our lives in our apartments, and I’m certain I know where this is headed — his photos have become increasingly shirtless. I earnestly signed up for virtual speed dating through a service called Here/Now, and I look forward to the reason to put on hoops. When San Francisco announced a citywide shutdown, I took the opportunity to DM an ex-boyfriend. What else was he doing? Maybe now we’d reconnect and, when everything was over, get back together and — “Girl, it’s been like three days,” a concerned friend said. “Are we really at the DM-your-ex stage?

The apps aren’t as fruitful as you’d think, though. Rarely do conversations get past a few “What should we sync-watch on our date?” jokes before one or both parties wonder what the point is. And yet, it feels like a strangely fertile time to explore new ways of having relationships. Maybe, in this period of darkness, we’ll stumble upon an improvement on the way we dated before. Maybe the way we communicate about sex will be clearer and better than ever. Maybe every relationship will have the hazy-dusk glow of a summer-camp romance, when none of the rules or timelines of real life apply.

Around the time the DOH sex guidelines were released, I received a message from a man begging me to let him come over. He said he would walk from his apartment in Bushwick to mine in Fort Greene. “No cabs or subway,” he vowed. He promised to “wash his hands so good” if only I would just let him in the house for sex. I guess the guidelines were absolutely necessary.

Dating now requires a new set of skills. Phone sex necessitates a convincing auditory repartee, and video sex has its own mood-killing challenges. After days of building up anticipation via sexting with a potential partner, one friend ran into all sorts of hiccups when it was time for the big video-sex meeting. She struggled to get the angle of her iPad right, while he struggled to be quiet enough not to wake his kids. They gave up and just talked. Another friend shares a truly cautionary tale of a failed effort to spice up a flirty yet chaste chat: “I’d done the move that allowed the sweater to drop, exposing my bra. Things started to get hot and heavy. Clothes came off. I was pinching my own nipple, telling him all the ways I was gonna make up for lost time post-plague, head tilted back in ecstasy as he touches himself and the Wi-Fi flits in and out the faster he goes,” she says. “He’s about to come, and I ask him to come closer to the screen so I can watch … as my mom walks in asking if I want to finish a puzzle.”

Even relationships that were previously successfully virtual can be turned on their heads in the time of corona. Kelly didn’t have any misconceptions about her fling with a man in an open relationship she’d been sexting regularly. They’d met when she was on a solo trip around Canada and often met up for hotel hookups. When they couldn’t, they exchanged tons of hot, satisfying sexts to completion. When it became clear she wasn’t leaving her house anytime soon, she reached out to him.

“The coronavirus is making me super-horny, like during wartime,” he wrote.

“Yeah,” Kelly wrote back. “It’s definitely made me relieved to know that we have this arrangement in place.”

“And that’s when he broke it to me,” she said. Now that he was home, and not traveling, he was overextended, managing sexting relationships with several other women internationally, all isolated and looking to tap into his services.

“My girlfriend is struggling to handle the load,” he texted her. To which Kelly replied, “Pun intended?”

But then there are stories like Mabel’s, ones that feel like a Halley’s comet fairy tale of pandemic dating. Mabel met Kevin on Tinder the second week of March, and by the time they were supposed to go on their first date, neither of them was leaving the house for work, so no way was it ethical to do so for a date. They agreed to FaceTime. She put on pants — actual outside-the-home pants — and did her hair and makeup. They FaceTimed for four hours over drinks (he, tequila with lime and strawberry; she, a black-cherry White Claw).

At some point, Kevin told Mabel, “You know, this is the part of the date where I’d normally ask if you want to make out.” The sexual tension was so intense they pondered their second date: Could they meet in the park if they stayed six feet apart? No, they’d probably mount each other immediately. Instead, they had a Saturday-night dinner. They shared their addresses, and each ordered food to be delivered to the other’s apartment at 6:30 p.m. She got him a Thai feast (appetizers, drinks, a main. “I liked him,” she says, a shrug in her voice). He sent her Mediterranean. They had another four-hour date. Again they talked about meeting each other; again they decided they couldn’t.

Kevin told Mabel about his roommate, who was still going out to hook up with people he met on the apps — willing to risk it all just to get laid during the pandemic. It was frustrating, so they talked about their frustrations, which led to an open conversation about their past sex lives. One day, during a spontaneous call before their third date, things got hotter. They spoke for a long time, then switched to text. Mabel noticed Kevin was making a lot of typos. “Don’t worry, I realize it’s hard to type with one hand if the other’s busy,” she joked. The joke turned into sexting, which quickly moved to phone sex, which abruptly had to transition back to sexting because Mabel has roommates. Even still, she assures me, they both got theirs and are exploring a healthy sext routine as part of their … whatever this is.

The other day, Kevin asked her for something truly wild. Not video sex. Instead, he said, “What if in order to be socially responsible but still see each other, we just move in together for two weeks and quarantine ourselves together?”

Mabel hadn’t watched Love Is Blind, but it’s wild to think that the show came out pre-pandemic. Its creators somehow seemed to know we’d all soon be considering love in a pod, as a reasonable way for two (or more) people to create something emotionally long-lasting (by reality-TV standards, anyhow). Though, in some ways, the millennial demographic was primed long before that. I spent hours of my life, from ages 12 through 17, on AIM, and in chat rooms, and doing weird sex stuff in chat rooms. Some of my first sexual experiences were purely digital. Hell, the first song I recognized as a fuck-track was ’N Sync’s “Digital Get Down,” which no bat-mitzvah DJ would play when I requested.

Mabel is deliberating Kevin’s offer. “The good thing is I like him,” she muses. “There’s a deeper connection. We have a more emotional base before we dive into the more physical stuff. But what if I’ve built him up in my head? What if this is a fantasy? What if he’s actually a bad kisser?

“Maybe after a few more FaceTime dates,” she continues. “I mean, it’d be kind of fun to just move in with him for two weeks and have a lot of sex and be in the honeymoon phase

A few days days after our call, I got an email from Mabel. “Kevin and I decided to go for it,” she wrote. “There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t do this, but amidst all the uncertainty, fear, I want to lean into the things I know to be good. Extraordinary circumstances, you know?”

Complete Article HERE!

How to Feel Together When You Are Apart

For couples physically separated by coronavirus, here are a few strategies to make your newly long-distance relationship feel a little bit closer.

By Vanessa Marin

The coronavirus lockdown has separated many of us from our loved ones — in some instances, even our partners and spouses. As a relationship and sex therapist, I’ve been working with a number of clients who are living separately from their partners. One patient is a medical worker who treats coronavirus patients every day and has chosen to live separately from his spouse so as not to not to expose his family to the disease. In another relationship, the couple were traveling separately when the crisis struck, and they did not have the ability to get back to the same location, so they now reside 50 miles apart, with one partner living with her elderly parents.

Being apart from your partner during this time of crisis is challenging on many levels. But connection can still exist while you’re separated. Here are some strategies to try:

When states started instituting lockdown policies, there wasn’t much time to make decisions about where to stay. Many people made tough, snap-judgment choices to move in with family members or stay with roommates. Medical workers faced difficult decisions around picking up extra shifts or traveling to locations in need of more personnel. You may be upset that your partner’s choices led to physical separation. It’s understandable to wish you were living with your partner and to be upset at the circumstances. However, it’s also important to recognize that this was most likely an extremely difficult decision that your partner had to make under high pressure with very little time. Express your disappointment calmly and then move on. It won’t help either of you to dwell on a decision that can’t be changed.

Be Respectful of Others

If you live separately from your partner, and one or both of you are living with roommates or family members, you need to consider the safety of others. There are different approaches to quarantine safety, and everyone in a home needs to agree to one approach. One client of mine was furious that her roommate was letting his girlfriend spend the night. Another client was shocked to learn that his roommate was breaking lockdown to go on dates with her boyfriend. If you want to enter a home where people other than your partner live, or have contact with your partner when he or she is staying with others, you need to have clear, open communication to determine everyone’s level of comfort. Yes, it’s hard to not be with your partner physically, but the safety of others is more important right now.

Take Advantage of Technology

You’re getting sick of Zoom, but the reality is that there has never been a better way to stay connected to your partner while apart. You can use video chat to have daily moments of connection, maintain some of your couple routines (like cooking dinner together or watching your favorite Netflix show), and even have special date nights. I recommend using video chat instead of (or in addition to) the phone or text, because there’s something powerful about seeing your partner’s face. A few weeks ago, I was doing a three-way video chat with a couple who were living separately because of the husband’s job. As her husband joined the video chat, the wife remarked, “I didn’t realize how good it would be to see his face!” They told me they had been speaking only over the phone, and feeling disconnected from each other, but seeing each other’s faces again made a big difference.

Separate but Still Physical

One of the challenges of being apart from your partner is a lack of physical touch. Touch is one of the most essential ways we express intimacy, and it can also relieve stress. There’s not a good substitute for touch, unfortunately, but you can talk to each other about all the ways you’d like to touch when you’re reunited. It might feel silly to reminisce about your favorite hugs or snuggle sessions, but that can be a sweet way to keep your connection alive. You can also get creative about helping each other relax physically, by working out together (virtually), doing a meditation together or even a quick video chat as you tuck yourself into bed.

You can keep your sex life alive remotely, too: video chat sexy moments, or send explicit texts, photos or video clips to each other. Write erotic fiction for each other. This can also be a good time to explore your fantasies. You can share the fantasies you used to have at different points of your life, or make a sexual bucket list you want to work through together. Many of us have fantasies that we wouldn’t want to do in real life, but talking about the fantasy is thrilling enough, and you don’t need to be physically together to do that. There are also sex toys you can use remotely; one partner gets the toy, and the other gets to control it.

Be Intentional During Your Time Together

It is possible that before coronavirus, you and your partner spent a lot of time together but hadn’t been particularly present with each other during that time. Maybe you felt that your partner was often glued to her phone or zoning out.

Being separated provides an opportunity to be intentional about putting the “quality” back in quality time. When you’re on a video chat with your partner, try to be as present as possible for at least 15 minutes per day. Don’t wash the dishes or fold the laundry as you’re talking. If you find that difficult, here are some ways to try to stay engaged in conversation:

  • Express appreciation for your partner.
  • Give your partner specific and detailed compliments.
  • Reminisce about your favorite memories together.
  • Use the 36 Questions That Lead to Love as prompts.

Be Creative

The current situation presents an opportunity to create new ways to connect with each other. Think about your favorite ways of spending time when you’re physically together, and see what you can recreate over video chat. If you focus on finding creative ways to connect, you’ll feel less powerless about your separation. Here are some ideas:

  • Create a new routine, like a nightly check-in with each other before you go to bed.
  • Visit a museum online together.
  • Read the same book and create a book club for two.
  • Have a separate tasting party. Buy a few of the same wines, chocolates or cheeses, and compare tasting notes over video chat.

Make Future Plans

There’s no denying that being separated right now is tough. You can ease some of the pain by jointly daydreaming about what you’ll do together when lockdown orders are lifted. You could plan a dream vacation, make a list of restaurants you’ll visit, or start looking for apartments to move into together. A little hope can keep the spark alive.

Complete Article HERE!

An expert guide to love and sex during a pandemic

We are all in long-distance relationships now.

How to catch feelings, but not coronavirus.

By Sara Kiley Watson

Self-quarantine as a single person or a person who lives far from their significant other can be pretty lonely, especially while other folks spend their work-from-home hours snuggled up with the person they love.

Still, it can be unnerving to be so close to someone who might’ve bumped into COVID-19 in the outside world. Considering it takes at least five days for the virus’s symptoms to show up, it’s tough to know if your spooning partner is infected, or if you could be putting them at risk.

Before give up on love or start wearing a hazmat suit whenever you crawl in bed, it’s good to know the basics about love in a time of coronavirus. We asked sexual health expert Carlos Rodriguez-Diaz of George Washington University for advice on how to keep your relationship alive in the middle of an epidemic.

Is COVID-19 sexually transmitted?

Nope, or at least it hasn’t proven to be during the virus’s reproductive stage, says Rodriguez-Diaz. But you can definitely carry it through another way of expressing intimacy that goes right along with having any sort of sex: kissing.

We already know that the coronavirus can be passed between people by coughing. That’s why it’s so important to cover your mouth and wipe down surfaces that might come into contact with saliva. But when it comes to kissing, there’s no avoiding spit, which means if you’re making out with an infected person, you’re putting yourself at risk.

Not to mention, COVID-19 can be spread via the fecal-oral route, so depending on what tickles your sexual fancy, you might want to be extra, extra careful.

What about snuggling?

If you spend each night cuddling your significant other, lucky you. If your partner lives with you or spends a lot of time with you, the reality is that you probably share a similar risk of catching COVID-19, Rodriguez-Diaz says. After all, no matter what you do all day, you both come home and interact closely, whether that’s making dinner together or just chilling on the same couch.

Social distancing calls for staying around six feet away from people. But just because there’s an outbreak doesn’t mean you need to walk around with a pole protecting you from your favorite person.

“It’s not the time to stop cuddling,” Rodriguez-Diaz says. Right now, people are stressed and anxious, and those feelings might only get worse if you close yourself off to interaction with your significant other. Just be conscious that you’re both being hygienic. Wash your hands regularly and keep your living space (and any sex toys) clean.

If your partner gets sick, you should stay home, too. Staying in to care for them will also protect the people you’d interact with outside your home.

What should I do if I’m in a long-distance relationship?

Though flights to most any state and country are cheap as heck right now, you shouldn’t hop on a plane and surprise your partner. Traveling implies bumping into and interacting with loads of other people, Rodriguez-Diaz says, and a lot of time that could be in close quarters.

For the safety of your loved ones, all the people around you, and yourself, you should seriously consider staying put. This is especially true if you or your significant other are older or immunocompromised. As much as it sucks to stay alone all day, it is way worse to unknowingly bring the epidemic with you to another corner of the world.

As all you long-distance-relationship folks already know, in-person sex isn’t the only way to get intimate with your partner. Sexting or video-chatting are practices that are still erotic, Rodriguez-Diaz says, but don’t involve touching at all. Nowadays, there are literally ways to send your partner a mold of your own genitals, so if anything, quarantine is an excuse to get creative.

“I would advise people who are in long-distance relationships to use technology to their advantage,” Rodriguez-Diaz says. “Soon after we have a better understanding of the virus and the epidemic is under control, take a trip together somewhere else.”

Should I stop trying to meet new people?

This one is for all you single powerhouses: you don’t necessarily have to delete all of your dating apps right away. However, it’s wise to take a moment and skip the dinner and movie plans while COVID-19 testing in the US is still a mystery.

“It’s not the ideal conditions to meet new people, or go to public spaces,” Rodriguez-Diaz says.

This doesn’t mean you should meet all your internet crushes in secluded locations (please, don’t do that for obvious reasons). But it also doesn’t mean you need to shut yourself off from the world of dating just because you’re avoiding leaving the home.

When it comes to casual dating, you could always take a page out of the long-distance-relationship book. Whether it’s someone you’ve recently met, or have been dating casually and lives a few neighborhoods away, now could be the time to test out sexting or other not-so-touchy-feely ways of getting to know a possible partner.

“With the proper safety measures in place, that can be very good for relationships,” Rodriguez-Diaz says. “Perhaps this experience is giving us the opportunity to experience other things.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

The 7 Rules of a Healthy Long-Distance Sex Life

by

Sometimes a long-distance relationship is unavoidable. Here are some expert tips and clever tech we suggest to keep an intimate relationship lively and hot from miles away.

Couple Apps

Tristen Weedmark, Global Passion Ambassador for vibrator company We-Vibe, recommends that long-distance partners look into Avocado or Couple, apps that both offer multiple ways for couples to connect in daily life. They are multi-purpose apps with built-in capabilities for partners, such as sharing sexy photos, working simultaneously on doodles, sending virtual “kisses,” or coordinating calendars and to-do lists.

Lay the Ground Rules

There are so many different options for connecting remotely. Texting, photo chats, live video, and phone calls are just a few options, and each comes with its pros and cons. “Figure out what works best for you in an LDR,” says Weedmark. “For some it might be constant texting throughout the day, while others prefer long phone calls a few times a week.” Mix and match your options and see what sticks. Once you can settle on a style that suits you both, you might be amazed at how multi-faceted LDRs can be.

Making Memories

Just because you’re separated doesn’t mean you’re not part of each other’s lives. Take the time to celebrate special days, like birthdays, anniversaries, or life achievements in ways that are memorable. Send cards, flowers, or homemade gifts the old-fashioned way. To keep track of past efforts and future events, consider the two-person messenger app Twyxt, which auto-generates a relationship journal from your messages and allows users to make a “Keepsake” collection of their favorite messages and photos.

Rules of Sexting

A couple can be great at texting, calling, and sending presents while skimping on more intimate ways to relate. “Without the regular sexual contact that many couples take for granted, you may start to feel more like friends rather than intimate partners,” says Weedmark. The trick here, she says, is to develop intimacy in other ways, which comes down to being more straightforward about your desires and emotions. It’s also probably time to boost your virtual sex skills. Learn how to avoid saving sexy pics and video to the cloud and be careful not to sext anyone you don’t mean to. Then, try something new with your partner.

Toys

There are many sex toys that allow couples to pleasure each other from afar. Weedmark’s company has the We-Vibe Sync, which is an app-enabled, adjustable vibrator that allows a woman’s partner to control the toy while also sexting or chatting in the app. Toys like this can help make partners feel more in tune with their partner during long-distance sex.

A Cyber Sex Fail

Name: Liora
Gender:
Age: 23
Location: Israel
I have a cyber relationship with a man who’s a great deal older than I am, lives several time zones away and has a little girl living with him (so we can only do it when she’s out of the house (which, until September, will only be on Sundays and that usually means that in practice we only do it once a month. I’m a very hormonal girl and this is driving me kind of crazy (masturbating by myself doesn’t make the problem go away somehow even if I get 10 orgasms in a row from it) and cheating or “moving on” are out of the question! I try to repress but the tension seems to make me want to bite his head off a lot lately which never used to happen. I love him very much so porn and cheating are out of the question… any advice on other ways of dealing with this frustration?

Jeez, you sound like a real charmer. What a petulant child you are. It’s a wonder that this grown-up guy puts up with you.

Here’s what I’m reading in your message. You’re hooked on cyber sex with an older man who lives thousands of miles away from you. And because he has a daughter living with him for the summer, you can only connect with him once a month. And you’re pissed off and frustrated.

Well, I can understand being pissed and frustrated, apparently you have a sex drive that would make a sexual athlete blush. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. It’s just that you can’t or won’t satisfy your libido on your own, or with another person nearer to hand. And when you don’t get what you want, when and how you want it, you bite the old dude’s head off. Yeah, that sounds like true love to me.

And yes darlin’, I do have some advice. What you got goin’ here is an obsession, which has absolutely nothing to do with love. You’re selfish and self-absorbed, and if I had to guess, you can’t read the signs that are obvious to others with similar cyber connections. When the frequency of the contact diminishes, it’s apparent that one or the other of the participants is bored or wants to wind-down the liaison. You seem to gloss over this painful truth.

You deny yourself the natural sexual outlets a young woman your age can enjoy because you are unhealthily preoccupied with this cyber connection. Where the fuck do you think this virtual relationship is gonna to wind up? Maybe, just maybe, this older gentleman has got the goods on you, he sees you for the crazed cyber junky you are, and he’s using the excuse of having his daughter around to avoid you.

Girlfriend, give it a rest. This is yesterday’s mashed potatoes. Time to move on. Why not connect with a real human this time, someone you can actually touch and be touched by. I know it sounds real old fashioned, but if you give it a try, you will find that honest-to-goodness human flesh beats a keyboard and monitor every time.

Good Luck

28 Realities of Long-Distance Dating

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long-distance-dating

In short, long distance sucks. It’s the suckiest of all possible sucks, and not always for the reasons you’d expect. You might think you’re going to miss your SO when you’re hanging out with your couple gang, or when you fancy a movie date, and you will, but it will be the moments of frustration — like when you’re trying to put the quilt cover back on — that you’ll find yourself in tears because you miss them so much.

My partner and I are on our second bout of LD. In a way it’s easier than the first time — I know the lonesome drill — and in other ways it’s harder — I thought I’d paid my dues! Here are 28 things you totally know to be true when your SO lives in another city.

  1. You know your best FaceTime angle and where in your house has the best lighting. Especially important if you’re going to be talking after you’ve washed your face.
  2. You spend even more time looking at your phone. Who even knew that was possible? You’ve also downloaded 15 new ways of communicating with each other: Words with Friends, WhatsApp, Viber, Facebook Messenger, Pair . . . and if you’re planning a wedding like us: Trello, Google Docs and Evernote.
  3. You feel like you’re in a relationship with your phone. It’s like he actually lives in your phone, because it’s the only place you see him. If you lose your phone, it’s like you’ve killed him.
  4. All your money goes to flights. And you’re booking the cheapest, nastiest airlines so you’re not even accumulating points.
  5. You have a similar dating life to that of the girls on The Bachelor. When the ladies were complaining that it was all or nothing with Richie you could totally relate. When you finally see your SO it’s all fancy dinners, romantic strolls and helicopter rides (OK, maybe not that bit) but then it’s back to the #nunlife.
  6. You can get a bit *cough* lazy with the personal grooming. Are legs really hairy if no one’s there to feel them?
  7. You have about five conversations that are just “checking in” and one during which you download all information and admin. Wake-up call, mid-morning coffee call, lunch call, 3 p.m. call, and the “I’m heading home” call put together don’t run longer than 2.5 minutes. 8 p.m. call goes for an hour.
  8. You enjoy the luxury of more space. In the wardrobe, in the bed, in the kitchen — who knew those stupid protein powders were preventing you from having a teacup collection?!
  9. You devour every girly series he vetoed. You’ve cried your way through the later seasons of Downton Abbey, got into Outlander, devoured every season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, rewatched Sex and the City — your Netflix has never looked so pink.
  10. You jam-pack your social calendar just to stop yourself feeling lonely. Exhausted and broke is better than lonely, right?
  11. You’re really happy when he’s having a good time without you, but also a teeny bit jealous. Shake it off girl.
  12. Your single mates like you so much more. You can stay out all night because no one’s waiting for you to come home and you’re basically chaste — you’re the ultimate wing-woman.
  13. You go back to having hours-long convos with your girlfriends. You know the kind you had in high school when time seemed to drag on forever? The downside of this is that time seems to drag forever.
  14. You get really good at mingling. Flying solo at a party for the first time in forever will actually make you feel awesome. You’re still fun. People still like you, see? Something you’ll recount to your partner later with the phrase, “I was the life of the party.”
  15. You say “yes” to a lot more. See above. Why would you not go to that Aztec party of a Facebook you forgot you had? You’re the life of the party.
  16. You become more sure of yourself. Jokes aside, it’s a huge confidence boost knowing you don’t need your dude with you to have a good time. You’re together because you want to be, not because you need to be. *sings “Independent Woman”*
  17. Time differences become your enemy. People will think you’re being a pathetic but even half an hour is annoying.
  18. Podcasts are your friend. Because your transit time is at an all-time high.
  19. You count down days like a kid waiting for Christmas. You literally mark them off the calendar like you’re in a ’90s Disney movie. Where did you even find a calendar?
  20. You get butterflies in your stomach when you’re about to see him. You’d kind of forgotten what it was like to be so nervous and excited at the same time.
  21. You get to discover another city. You’re going there so much that you learn where all the good cafes and bars are, and become a bit of an expert.
  22. People totally get it when you say you can’t do something because your SO is in town. The most you’re going to hear out of anyone that weekend is a love-heart emoji on your Insta pic. They’re just happy you’re together!
  23. You experience the most severe Sunday blues known to man. Your time together is over and it’s as if a group of Dementors have arrived for a sleepover.
  24. You do a lot more communicating. It’s all you’ve got, babe!
  25. You become more thoughtful. Because you know that a little note in his suitcase will brighten his whole day.
  26. You begin to appreciate him a lot. When you’re in each other’s face it’s easy to start taking each other for granted, but with a little distance you see, he’s amazing.
  27. You learn a lot more about yourself. If for no other reason than you’re spending a lot more time solo, making all the decisions. And yes, you do think a bowl of steamed broccoli followed by a block of Lindt chocolate is an adequate dinner.
  28. Your relationship will be stronger than ever. This is how I see it: when you start doing LD your relationship is like Goku, going into the Gravity Chamber to begin his training. It’s tough and at times he wants to go back to how things were, but he carries on and eventually he becomes super saiyan (blonde) and basically invincible.
     
    If Dragon Ball Z references are wasted on you, I’m basically saying, if you can make it through long-distance, you can make it through anything.

Complete Article HERE!

And they’re off…

Name: Dan and Rebecca
Gender: Couple
Age: 25, 20
Location:
We are a happy but frustrated couple looking for advice. I’m a 25
year old male, and my lovely girlfriend is 20.

I have no problem bringing her to orgasm and pleasing her, but since we’ve been seeing each other I have not been able to cum once. In the past it was always difficult for me to cum during sex, my first time (age 18) my then gf and I went for about three hours before we just gave up. Usually I would have to jerk myself off afterwards but now I can’t even do that.

However if I am alone with porn I am easily able to masturbate and can get off a few times a day. How is it that I can jerk off to pictures that mean nothing to me, but can’t cum for the woman I love the most?

I’ve spoken with a doctor and he said medically there is nothing wrong with my penis. What do you suggest we do? We are really getting frustrated and just want to be able to please each other.

Simply put, there’s a difference between the psycho-sexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Your doctor is right, there’s probably nothing wrong with your unit. It’s all in your head…or your mind, to be more exact. And I’m not being flippant.

If I had to guess, I’d say you have a real bad case of performance anxiety, pup. Here’s how this nasty thing works. Say I have a less than satisfying sexual experience for one reason or another. Before I know it, I’m replaying the incident over and over in my mind’s eye till that’s all I can think about. The proverbial molehill has become a mountain, don’t ‘cha know. I then bring my anxiety to my next encounter. My hyper self-consciousness primes me for more disappointment. And I’m all prepared to interpret the disappointment as a failure. Well, you can see where I’m going with this, huh? My fears become self-fulfilling and I find I’m beginning to avoid partnered sex and my relationship flounders, I develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction and my self-esteem takes a nosedive. My preoccupation with my problem makes it less likely that I’ll be fully present during sex with my partner, which pretty much scuttles my sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity.

It looks to me like performance anxiety is putting a damper on your sexual arousal and short-circuiting your sexual response cycle, Dan. Get thee to a sex-positive therapist ASAP, darling! Believe me, this is nothing to fool around with, especially for someone at your tender age.

When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes a great deal of the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psycho-sexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training, stress reduction and relaxation exercises. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Good luck

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Name: Gene
Gender:  Male
Age: 45
Location: Orlando
I am a homosexual, and I have a “friend” who has been incarcerated for five years. The relationship while he was out with me was excellent. I have asked him numerous of times is he having sex with the homo’s in jail and he responds by saying no. I think otherwise, and he wants to come back to me upon his release. My question is “should I wait for him”?

Gene, Gene, Gene, there are so many things wrong with this picture, I hardly know where to start. Your man’s in the big house for 5 years, and you expect him to keep it in his pants for the duration…just for you? Like WHY? Hey, he’s in the clink, darling, not in a monastery. Oh wait; even monks in a monastery don’t keep it in their habit nowadays! At any rate, it may not be up to him if he has sex or not…if you catch my drift. He might be someone’s bitch right now, he’s just not telling you about it.

Should you wait for him? You mean, all alone by yourself with no one to comfort you while your guy is doin’ his time? This sounds like the script for a real bad 1950’s prison movie. You could play the role of the long-suffering girlfriend pining away while her good-for-nothing man pays his debt to society.

Honey, you need to get out more.

Good luck

Name: Erin
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: AL
Is it wrong for a married woman to want to masturbate when alone?

Gee, let me see. Is it wrong for a woman to feed herself when she is alone?

Erin, what could possibly be wrong with wanting to pleasure yourself when you are alone? As we all know, many women only get off through masturbation. Hell nowadays, liberated women folk everywhere are comfortable enough with their sexuality to jill-off even with their partner. So no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with self-pleasuring…alone or with a partner.

Besides, there’s no better way to get to know your body and your sexual response cycle. Once you acquainted yourself with how your body works, you’ll have a whole lot more information about how you tic that you’ll be able to share with your partner when the time comes. It’s a win/win situation for ya’ll.

Name: Joy
Gender:  female
Age: 21
Location: California
I have been dating this guy for almost 3 year and also live with him. I love the way he makes love to me and i love dick, but sometimes i just want to make out with girls… does this make me a lesbian at all?

Hardly, not even a little bit lesbian! Ya see, it takes more than suckin’ face with another chick to make a gal a lesbiterian. You’re gonna need to get yourself a she-mullet, some plaid shirts and a vibrator that you can kick-start. Now that’ll make ya dyke for damn sure. Sheesh!

Hey dr dick! What’s that toll-free podcast voicemail telephone number? Why, it’s: (866) 422-5680. DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

A June Is Bustin’ Out All Over Q&A Show — Podcast #283 — 06/06/11

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

Yes siree, June is busting out all over! It’s pert’near summer and I just realized that we haven’t had a Q&A show since early last month. So ya know what else is bustin out all over? My voicemail and email in boxes, that’s what! I have a big hot load of questions from the sexually worrisome out there. And I’m all ready to dish out some snappy answers to dazzle and delight today’s correspondents, as well as everyone else in my audience.

  • Jackie hates it when her partner busts a nut ON her.
  • Ron is hoping I know where he can find some stray dick to suck.
  • LSSC has a husband who thinks sex is dirty.
  • Shades wants vibrating panties for men.
  • Michael thinks his wife is a mess, but actually it’s HIM.
  • RAHUL wants to know if women like sex as much as men.
  • Luke and his GF fuck like bunnies and now she’s sore.
  • Micah can’t keep it up and he’s too young for ED.
  • Conal has a porn jones and needs help.
  • Harrison wants to know how to clean his hole on a budget.
  • Wasim thinks his nuts are too small and soft.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode

The Crotch Report

Name: Gillian
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Location: Paris
Hi Dr Dick, My boyfriend and I are having a long distance relationship. When living together, we used to have an intense sex life … so you can imagine how frustrated we feel now … I don’t know when I’m going to visit him and how we’re going to make it without having sex! Could you help us copping with the distance? Are there some techniques, sex toys, etc … we could use ? Of course I have a vibrator but it would be so much better if my boyfriend could participate in a way, and vice versa … I can’t wait to get your advice!! Thanks!

Long-distance romances aren’t fun! Never fall in love with anyone outside your zip code! That’s what I always say. Of course, when it comes to matters of the heart, most good advice goes out the window. Thanks to the marvels of modern technology I may have the solution to your dilemma. Do you guys cam with one another? I hope so. If not the following advice will still be helpful; you’ll just not have the juicy visuals.

c770.jpgYou’ll both need an iPod (or another music player) and you’ll need one of these puppies: OhMiBod iPod Vibrator (C770). You’ll find these right here in My Stockroom.

The OhMiBod iPod Vibrator is an exciting combination of modern musical and sexual technology. In today’s hi-tech, fast paced world it only makes sense to fuse together two of the most popular forms of technological recreation, listening to music on your iPod and masturbating using a high-powered vibrator.

The OhMiBod iPod Vibrator is very easy to use.

  • Simply plug the universal headphone connector into your iPod (or music player)
  • Plug 1 end of the 3-foot cord into the headphone connector, and one end into the jack in the vibrator’s silver end-cap.
  • Turn on your iPod and use the volume control wheel to increase the intensity, rhythm, and vibe function. The vibration level, and the rhythm it moves to, is determined by the volume and style of the music.

The vibrator is 71⁄2 ” long and has a 1″ diameter. The vibe, cord, and connector are all white, and the end-cap is silver. Smashing!

So here’s what you do…and you can take turns doing this too. Find some music that you know for sure will get you off. Share that music with your BF. Have him load it into his iPod. Then set up a cam date. After you exchange pleasantries, you can get down to business. Insert your vibe into your pussy; your BF will insert his vibe into his ass. Go to the play list you put together and simultaneously start the music. Despite the distance between you, you’ll have all the same sensations. Before you know it, you both will be haven’ screamin’ memes. How fun is that?

And when you guys aren’t camming, you’ll find the OhMiBod iPod Vibrator comes with an extra silver end-cap that can be used without the music player. Imagine what a swell holiday gift idea this will be for all you far-flung lovers.

Name: Terre
Gender:
Age: 54
Location: Nashville
What are some of the newer procedures available for peyronies??

For those not in the know, Peyronie’s disease causes a guys dick to bend or curve dramatically when he gets a hardon. A hard, fibrous layer of scar tissue (plaque) develops under the skin on one side of his dick. When he gets hard, the scar tissue pulls the affected area off at an angle, causing the curve or disfigurement. Sometimes things can get so bad that the pain makes fucking practically impossible.

There are several “therapies” out there; none of which is supported by any hard data as to its effectiveness. So caveat emptor, which is Latin for “Let the buyer beware”!

There are both internal and some external therapies. There is a very expensive enzymes therapy that is taken in pill form. Allegedly the enzymes help break up the scar tissue. It’s a very slow process, if it works at all and it requires a prolonged and consistent treatment. Cha ching!

Some doctors will inject drugs, like calcium channel blockers or interferon, directly into the plaque in a guy’s dick. These drugs are said to break down scar tissue deposits and return the tissue-building process to normal. This therapy calls for multiple injections over a period of months. And the success of this treatment varies considerably. Cha ching!

There are Penile Traction Devices too. These create a gentle continuous tension on a guy’s unit. The claim is that the stretching opens up spaces between penile cells, and triggers growth and healing, thus resolving the issue. This is dubious at best.

Here are a couple of resources for you: The Peyronie’s Disease Society and The Peyronie’s Disease Institute.

crw_5276_rj.jpg

Name: a
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: ph
if a male was to get a sex change would a vagina be able to be made to make the operation complete, and if so would having a baby be possible

Yep, a post-surgical Male to Female transexual will have had a “functional” vagina fashioned from the cock “she” once had.

Nope, it takes a lot more than a brand spankin’ new whoha to make babies, darlin’. A post-surgical Male to Female transexual may have a pussy, but she doesn’t have a womb…so no babies.

Name: victor
Gender: Male
Age: 39
Location: LA
I don’t like sex as much as i use to been with the same guy for 15 yrs and could do it all the time now only once a week and he has to initiate it but once we are doing it is great. What can i do about it? Thanks victor

You sound like you’re more bored with, than disinterested in, sex. If you were disinterested in sex, you wouldn’t enjoy it when you actually got around to having some.

Sounds like your sex life needs a little sprucin’ up…and who’s doesn’t? I want you to mozie on over to my online sex emporium — My Stockroom — and pick out something really fun and smutty for you and your old man. Don’t let another day go by without at least trying to get back on track!

I have a dazzling array of products that will liven up even the most ho-hum sex life. Not sure what to buy? Not to worry! Take a look at my monthly ever so popular, Sex Toy Awareness feature right here on drdicksexadvice.com. It’s chock-full of swell gift giving ideas.

Name: garciaf54
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Location: texas
Hi im 23 years old and i belive my packege isnt enough for the girl im dating and probably any. My dick is 6 inches nothing more nothing less but is this normal or i need help?

You’re worrying way too much about your package, darlin’. Your 6” is adequate for getting the job done, especially if you know how to use what you have. Women are generally less concerned about the size of the meat as they are about the quality of the motion.

So yeah, you’re normal, but you may also need some help. I’d suggest you check in with your GF and find out how you’re doin’ in the love makin’ department. I’d be willing to guess that she may have a few pointers for you on how better to use what you got. But you’ll have to ask her nicely.

Young pups, like you, rarely know their way around a fine pussy. Hell, most women don’t know their way around their own fine pussy. Young pups, like you, may also be unaware of all the sexual positions that would best utilize a modest johnson. If this sounds like you, I’d say you have some homework to do.

Name: krishna
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Location: india
i love my cousin sister a lot, i am enjoying sex with her, is that wrong?

I actually had to look up “cousin sister” on the internet. While I came up with some conflicting information, one thing seems clear, the term “cousin sister” connotes a close biological tie — a first cousin, perhaps. Is that what you’re talking about?

If so, most cultures, even yours, frown upon incest. There are plenty of good reasons for this; not least of all is a genetic concern (inbreeding). But often the most devastating aspect of incest is the secrecy. No one violates this universal taboo in the open. I’ll bet this is the case with you too, huh? The secrecy and the inevitable shame and guilt can destroy you family dynamic.

I suspect you may already be aware of this. Why else would you be asking me if it was wrong?

Name: brnwiee
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Location: canada
why does my condom always break? am i too big 4 normal condoms? my size is 7.5 inc long n 6.5 inc girth………am i thrusting too hard?/// n is it possible 4a girl too deepthroat it all?

Maybe you need a bigger sized condom, darling. You know there are different sizes, right? Shop online for extra large condoms. Most online retailers will offer a varietybiggunsampler.jpg pack of the big boys. This way you’ll be able to choose the right condom for you without buying a box full of just one kind from the get-go.

Depending on the “girl” I’d say, you betcha deep-throating 7.5 wouldn’t be a problem. However, finding that particular woman might be your biggest challenge. You may have to turn to a “pro” for that kind of service.

Name: ken
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: toronto canada
low sperm count is there anyway of building this up ?

Nope! Despite the myriad products online that proclaim they will build up your sperm count; it’s all baloney. Don’t waste your money!

Name: Paul
Gender: Malebj01.jpg
Age: 21
Location: RI
My gf used to give me blowjobs quite a bit but all of a sudden she stopped and kept telling me she can’t stand doing them. She has always said she didn’t like them but that she did them cause I liked them so much. Why the hell would she stop now?

I guess she’s trying to tell you she doesn’t like you as much as she once did.

Here’s a tip: most chicks dole out the hummers as a reward for being the best little boy in the world. If she’s cut you off, so to speak, perhaps you’ve done something to piss her off. I’d look into that, if I were you.

Good luck ya’ll