New study reveals 10% of Americans have history of bisexual behavior

— There are three times more people reporting partners of more than one gender than in the 1990s.

By

A recent study revealed a substantial increase in the number of Americans who either identify as bisexual or have a history of bisexual behavior. 9.6% of respondents reported having both male and female partners, over three times more than what was reported in the 1990s.

The study, published by researchers Martin A. Monto and Sophia Neuweiler in The Journal of Sex Research, utilizes the General Social Survey dataset, a nationally representative sample of over 32,000 participants. The survey aims to carefully represent each demographic of the United States, and follows up with participants across each successive decade in order to assess how responses may change over time. An additional 2,300 participants were added in the 2021 wave.

The study used a variety of tools to try and measure sexual orientation and prior sexual behavior. This includes a question that asks respondents to reply with their sexual orientation – either gay/lesbian/homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual/straight.

For sexual behavior, the study asked participants to recall whether their past sexual partners were of the same or a different sex, with additional questions asking about whether their partners were male or female. These responses were narrowed down by the researchers to those who had multiple sexual partners in the past year.

Using a method called regression analysis, the researchers determined what the relationships were between their measures of sexual orientation and behavior with gender, assessing how these relationships changed over time. They found that not only were participants more likely to identify as bisexual than in previous years, but that there were more participants identifying as bisexual than gay or lesbian.

However, they found the reverse trend for sexual partners, with more respondents being exclusively of the same sex than those who had both male and female sexual partners. The authors also note that women were more likely than men to report being bisexual or having a history of bisexual behavior, with men being more likely to report exclusive same-sex behavior.

In addition, this study also found that young people were more likely to identify as bisexual, with 10% of those below 29 and 12% of those in their 30s identifying as such.

This study reflects the changing landscape of Americans identifying as LGBTQ+. Previous studies have suggested similar trends, with more Americans identifying as LGBTQ+. In those prior studies, bisexuality was also the most frequent orientation behind heterosexuality.

The authors detail how this demographic shift showcases a “loosening of the social norms and institutional enforcement that have privileged heterosexuality over other sexual orientations,” with modern demographics being more accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals than in the past few decades.

They suggest that a reason there may be a discrepancy between identification and behavior in their results is due to how behavior may capture those simply exploring their sexuality before coming to a new identity.

In addition, they also point out how “sexual orientation can be fluid, with some people changing their sexual behavior and/or their sexual orientation identities over time.”

Finally, they detail that “even persons who have more recently had partners of both sexes may not consider themselves bisexual, and the term may not fit their understandings of themselves and their sexual behavior.”

The authors conclude by calling for more research that “can better recognize that the terms with which we identify ourselves are social and that there is some degree of choice about how to identify our sexual orientation, particularly among individuals with histories of both male and female partners”

Complete Article HERE!

What does pansexual mean?

— And how is it different from bisexual and polysexual?

How do you define pansexual vs. bisexual? That’s a very good question. Let’s take a moment to celebrate the pansexuals: the wonderful guys, gals and non-binary pals who love who they love regardless of gender.

By Emma Powys Maurice

How do you define pansexual vs. bisexual? That’s a very good question. Let’s take a moment to celebrate the pansexuals: the wonderful guys, gals and non-binary pals who love who they love regardless of gender

Pansexuality is part of the Bisexual+ Umbrella, meaning that it’s one of many identities in which someone is attracted to more than one gender.

But how exactly do you define pansexuality, and how is it different from bisexuality or polysexuality?

Every pansexual’s understanding of their sexuality is personal to them, but in general it means that they aren’t limited by sex or gender when it comes to those they’re attracted to.

The word comes from the Greek word “pan,” which means “all”. But that doesn’t mean pansexuals are attracted to anybody and everybody, just as heterosexual women aren’t attracted to all men. It simply means that the people they are into might identify anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

This includes people who are gender-fluid, and those who don’t identify with any gender at all (agender).

In fact, some pansexuals describe themselves as “gender-blind”, meaning that gender doesn’t play any part in their sexuality; they’re attracted purely to a person’s energy rather than any other attributes.

How do you define pansexual vs. bisexual?

Good question! Sometimes pansexuality is used as a synonym for bisexuality, but they are subtly different.

Let’s take a moment to break down how to define pansexual vs. bisexual. Bisexual means being attracted to multiple genders, whereas pansexual means being attracted to all genders. Both orientations are valid in their own right and it’s up to the individual to decide which one fits them best.

Some people assume that bisexual people are erasing non-binary people or enforcing a rigid gender binary, because they believe the word bisexual implies that there are only two genders. We’re happy to inform you this isn’t the case!

The vast majority of bisexual people love and support the non-binary community, and many non-binary people are bisexuals themselves.

The reality is that bi people simply have “the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree,” as advocate Robyn Ochs describes.

What’s the difference between pansexual and polysexual?

The word polysexual comes from the Greek prefix “poly meaning “many”, and the term has been around since the 1920s or 30s, if not earlier.

There’s some overlap between pansexual and polysexual, as both appear under the Bisexual+ Umbrella. The key difference is that someone identifying as polysexual is not necessarily attracted to all genders, but many genders.

A good analogy to describe it is how you feel about your favourite colours: a pansexual person might like every colour of the rainbow, whereas a polysexual person might say they like all the colours except blue and green.

But more often than not, those who identify as polysexual tend to ignore gender binaries altogether, especially when it comes to who they are and aren’t attracted to.

It’s worth noting that polysexuality also has nothing to do with polyamory, which is style of consensual relationship, not a sexuality.

What pansexual celebrities are there?

Pansexuality has been around for as long as humans have, but the term is becoming more mainstream as more celebrities publicly identify as pansexual themselves.

Just a few of the big pansexual names out there are Lizzo, Cara Delevigne, Miley Cyrus, Janelle Monae, Angel Haze, Jazz Jennings, Brendan Urie, Yungblud, Nico Tortorella, Courtney Act, Bella Thorne, Joe Lycett, Tess Holliday and Christine and the Queens.

And as of 2020, the UK now has its first out pansexual MP: the Lib Dem Layla Moran.

“Pansexuality, to me, means it doesn’t matter about the physical attributions of the person you fall in love with, it’s about the person themselves,” she told PinkNews.

“It doesn’t matter if they’re a man or a woman or gender non-conforming, it doesn’t matter if they identify as gay or not. In the end, these are all things that don’t matter – the thing that matters is the person, and that you love the person.”

What does the pansexual Pride flag look like?

We’re glad you asked. It looks like this:

Define pansexual vs. bisexual
The pansexual pride flag

It was designed by a creator called Jasper V. The flag has been in wide use since the early 2010s when it was posted on an anonymous Tumblr account.

Here’s a breakdown of what the colours and symbols of this flag represent:

  • Magenta: Attraction to female-identifying individuals.
  • Yellow: Attraction to those who don’t identify with the binary such as non-binary, agender, and genderfluid individuals. 
  • Cyan: Attraction to male-identifying individuals. 

When is pansexual Pride day?

Pansexual & Panromantic Awareness Day falls on 24 May. It’s a day to celebrate the pan community and educate others on what it means – so you can start by telling your friends it’s got absolutely nothing to do with saucepans. So, have we helped you to define pansexual vs. bisexual? If so, we’re glad to have been of help!

Complete Article HERE!

Is Queer a Slur?

— Exploring the Meaning and Use of the Term

A group of LGBTQ+ people

Wondering if queer is a slur? Let’s explore the historical context and controversy surrounding its use, and the term’s reclamation.

By

The use of the word “queer” has become so widespread that it’s now represented by the letter “Q” in the initialism LGBTQ+. However, some individuals find the word offensive or feel that it doesn’t represent them.

A closer look at the word reveals how it became a slur, how LGBTQ+ activists and academics have reclaimed the word, and the way its definition continues to change in the face of social and political challenges.

Understanding the term “Queer”

The current Oxford Languages Dictionary defines “queer” as an old-fashioned verb meaning “to spoil or ruin” and an adjective meaning either “strange, odd” or “relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.”

That last definition, in simpler words, means that “queer” is an umbrella term for people who aren’t heterosexual or cisgender.

“Queer” first popped up in the English language during the 16th century as a synonym for “strange” and “illegitimate.” In the 19th century, it began to mean “odd,” and by the end of that century, people used it as a slur against effeminate men and men who slept with other men.

However, in the 1980s, some gay and lesbian activists began reclaiming “queer” as an empowering self-designation. Academics also began studying “queer theory” to examine so-called traditional “norms” of sex and gender and their intersection with political identities and social power structures.

The word’s meaning continues to evolve, even now. Some people user queer as a verb that means “to challenge something’s commonly expected function” or as an adjective that includes any intimate practices or familial structures that fall outside of mainstream “norms.”

“‘Queer is still a word that many find offensive,” NPR’s editor for standards and practices Mark Memmott explained in 2019. “For many people, it’s still a difficult word to hear or read because of the past history.”

Jason DeRose, a senior editor who oversaw coverage of LGBTQ+ rights at NPR in 2019, noted that some members of older generations, like Baby Boomers, may find the term problematic or hurtful because it was used for decades as a slur, particularly during years when LGBTQ+ identities were criminalized and considered as forms of mental illness.

Often the slur was used while verbally harassing or assaulting people who were perceived as different. Such insults could raise suspicions about one’s identity and private life and leave them subject to discrimination, investigation, or other social consequences — like being fired from a job or disowned from a family — as a result.

However, younger generations, like Millenials and Gen Xers, tend to be more comfortable with the term, having grown up at a time of greater societal acceptance towards LGBTQ+ people.

Reclaiming the term “Queer”

In the late 1980s and early ’90s, some LGBTQ+ people began using “queer” as a neutral or empowering self-identity that signified people who aren’t heterosexual or who aren’t cisgender.

Some of these people re-claimed “queer” to throw the slur back in society’s face or to show a defiant Pride in the very identities that society long told them to feel ashamed and afraid of. As the number of proud “queers” increased, it gradually became harder to treat all LGBTQ+ people like a powerless minority.

One of the earliest well-known reclaimers of the slur was the LGBTQ+ direct-action activist group Queer Nation. The group emerged to fight queerphobia during the HIV epidemic by raising the visibility of queer people in non-queer public spaces, like bars.

Queer Nation used the well-known protest chant — “We’re Here! We’re Queer! Get used to it!” — to communicate an unwillingness to go back into the closet or behave as others expected.

The group’s chapters in other states distributed informational pamphlets about queer sex and famous queers throughout history; held a “kiss-in” at the 1992 Academy Awards red carpet to protest queer exclusion in Hollywood films; massively protested homophobic entertainers and incidents of anti-queer violence; arranged a “Pink Panther” street patrol to prevent queer-bashings; and broadcast video of two milk-covered men kissing on public access television.

These actions weren’t just to make heterosexual people uncomfortable — they were also meant to encourage other queers to creatively challenge the systems of heteronormativity that often treated LGBTQ+ people as easy targets for violence, harassment, and exclusion.

Some activists have taken the idea a step further with “queercore” and “queer shame,” a punk rock approach that rejects the idea that LGBTQ+ people should be respectable, otherwise indistinguishable from straight people, and “brand-safe” for large companies and political movements to exploit.

Is queer a slur, LGBTQ+

Current usage of “Queer”

The meaning of “queer” has also changed in response to academic thinkers in the field of “queer studies.”

Examinations of sexuality and gender once resided in the “Women’s Studies” departments of colleges and universities. The earliest thinkers in this field examined how “traditional” conceptions of gender, sexuality, identity, and desire create socio-political power structures that can be explored, critiqued, and challenged. “Queer studies” emerged from this discipline as an interdisciplinary field.

Queer thinkers challenge the idea that individual identities are fixed and unchanging, that gender and sexuality are binary, and that sexual practices are either normal or abnormal. Rather than treating heterosexuality and cisgender identities as “normal” or “natural,” queer theorists believe that sexuality and gender are socially constructed by cultural media and individually performed by how people publicly present themselves. These can change depending on the time, place, and context.

Not all people agree that “queer” is the same as “gay.” For some, queerness refers to people whose identities, lived experiences, and outlooks fall out of the mainstream as well as the protection of the mainstream.

For example, a gay, cisgender, white, Christian, American man might not be considered “queer” by some because his mainstream identities may grant him more social protections than a Black, pansexual, transgender, female immigrant living in Iraq. This woman’s unique identities aren’t nearly as “mainstream” as the gay man’s and don’t provide nearly as many social protections.

“Queer” has also increasingly been used as a verb that means “to challenge something’s commonly expected function.” One can “queer” social expectations by identifying, behaving, and appearing in ways that challenge preexisting social norms. For example, someone can “queer” the institution of marriage by having multiple sexual or emotional partners, not living with their spouse, or having relationship rules and familial structures that don’t follow the “traditional nuclear family.”

For example, polyamory and kink both fall outside of legal protections: You can legally be fired or have your children taken away for both, and both — like LGBTQ+ identity — have been vilified as forms of social deviance and mental illness.

But using “queer” in this way would qualify some heterosexual and cisgender people as “queer,” an idea that might upset some LGBTQ+ people who disapprove of straight polyamorists and ministers applying an anti-queer slur to themselves. However, other LGBTQ+ individuals might be fine with straight “queers” as long as the heterosexuals elevate LGBTQ+ voices and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights.

Others might dislike “queer” as a catch-all term for any non-hetero and non-cis people because it erases their unique identities, lumping them all together in one category rather than proclaiming their unique sexual orientation and gender identity. Such people might proclaim, “I’m not queer, I’m lesbian,” or “I’m not ‘queer’ — I’m ‘omnisexual!’”

As always, it’s important to allow people to self-identify with whatever terms they feel most comfortable with, and to allow community members to accept it or to experience productive tensions and dialogues about what it means to be queer.

The Running Debate Over Using “Queer”

Over the last half-century, queer has transformed from a hateful slur to a political identity that challenges cis-heteronormativity. While some people still find “queer” offensive or feel that it erases their unique identities and experiences, others find it empowering and a useful way to grow a cultural movement while critiquing oppressive socio-political structures around sex, gender, desire, identity, and power.

The term remains a complex and slippery one that will likely change, especially as people gain a greater understanding of the many ways they identify with and experience sex and gender. For some, “queer” will be an important identity (something they are). For others, “queer” will be an important action (something they do).

Some LGBTQ+ people may reject the “queer” label entirely, but regardless, it’ll always remain important to understand the context in which it is used and to respect each individual’s choice of language.

Complete Article HERE!

Bisexuality has nearly quadrupled in the U.S.

— Over the past two decades, the proportion of those who identify as bisexual increased from 1.2% to 4.5%.

By Ross Pomeroy

  • A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research shows that bisexuality — being attracted to or engaging in sexual behavior with people of both sexes — has tripled in the U.S. over the past three decades.
  • Bisexuality is generally considered an invisible sexual orientation because bisexual individuals are often in monogamous relationships, so they simply appear either hetero- or homosexual.
  • The upward trend in bisexuality in America seems set to continue, as over 6% of 18-29 year-olds but fewer than 2% of respondents over age 40 identified as bisexual in the latest data.

A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research shows that bisexuality — being attracted to or engaging in sexual behavior with people of both sexes — has tripled in the U.S. over the past three decades.

University of Portland undergraduate student Sophia Neuweiler initiated the research for her senior thesis. She teamed up with Martin Monto, a professor of sociology specializing in gender and sexuality, to analyze data from the General Social Survey (GSS). Conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, the GSS has been used to monitor changes in social characteristics and attitudes among Americans for more than 50 years. Its biennial sample groups are designed to be representative of the demographic and socioeconomic makeup of U.S. households.

A surge in bisexuality

Neuweiler and Monto found that between 1989 and 1994, 3.1% of the 6,354 respondents reported having both male and female sex partners since age 18. Between 2012 and 2018, that rate had climbed to 9.3% among the 6,609 survey takers. Moreover, during the pandemic-affected 2021 survey year, 9.6% of respondents reported partners of both sexes as adults.

Engaging in sexual activities with members of both sexes after age 18 is not necessarily indicative of true bisexuality, however. For example, someone who identifies as gay or lesbian might have had opposite-sex partners in early adulthood before coming out later in life. Thus, the researchers checked to see if there was a corresponding increase in the proportion of Americans who actually identify as bisexual. The GSS began asking respondents about their sexual orientation in 2004. Between then and 2010, 1.2% of those surveyed identified as bisexual. By 2021, the rate had nearly quadrupled, rising to 4.5%.

“Society draws lines around sexual behavior, and these lines, though often in dispute, may move over time,” the researchers wrote. “These changing norms appear to have affected the proportion of people who identify as bisexual and likely also affected actual sexual behavior.”

Neuweiler and Monto note that the increase in bisexuality in the survey data might also stem from a rising willingness to acknowledge it. Same-sex sexual activity has been heavily stigmatized in the U.S. and around the world for the past century. Though such prejudices have lessened of late, the “global closet” is still vast. A 2019 study estimated that five out of six people around the world who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual keep their orientations hidden from all or most of the people in their lives.

Bisexuality generally has been considered an invisible sexual orientation because bisexual individuals are often in monogamous relationships, so they simply appear either hetero- or homosexual. Moreover, bisexuality historically has been stigmatized by both heterosexual and homosexual individuals, who have insisted that it’s impossible to be sexually attracted to both sexes. In fact, genital arousal studies show that it is.

Trending

The upward trend in bisexuality in America seems set to continue, as over 6% of 18-29 year-olds but fewer than 2% of respondents over age 40 identified as bisexual in the latest data. Increasing content on social media, podcasts, and TV shows that dispel society’s overarching heteronormativity may be a factor. The abrupt shock of the COVID pandemic may also have played a role. In an interview with the BBC, New York City-based clinical psychologist Jennifer Guttman noted that of her 65 clients, 10 to 12 re-thought their sexuality during the global “reset,” compared to just one who had done so before the pandemic.

Complete Article HERE!

Pride 2023

Happy Gay Pride Month!

gay-pride.jpg

It’s time, once again, to post my annual pride posting.

In my lifetime I’ve witnessed a most remarkable change in societal attitudes toward those of us on the sexual fringe. One only needs to go back 50 years in time. I was 17 years old then and I knew I was queer. When I looked out on the world around me this is what I saw. Homosexuality was deemed a mental disorder by the nation’s psychiatric authorities, and gay sex was a crime in every state but Illinois. Federal workers could be fired merely for being gay.

Today, gays and trans folks serve openly in the military, work as TV news anchors and federal judges, win elections as big-city mayors and members of Congress. Popular TV shows have gay and trans protagonists.

Six years ago this month, a Supreme Court ruling lead to the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the whole country.

The transition over five decades has been far from smooth — replete with bitter protests, anti-gay violence, backlashes that inflicted many political setbacks, and AIDS. Unlike the civil rights movement and the women’s liberation movement, the campaign for gay rights unfolded without household-name leaders.

And yet some still experience a backlash in the dominant culture. I don’t relish the idea, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. And while we endure this be reminded that it won’t smart nearly as much if we know our history. And we should also remember the immortal words of Martin Luther King, Jr. “The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice.”

In honor of gay pride month, a little sex history lesson — The Stonewall Riots

The confrontations between demonstrators and police at The Stonewall Inn, a mafia owned bar in Greenwich Village NYC over the weekend of June 27-29, 1969 are usually cited as the beginning of the modern Lesbian/Gay liberation Movement. What might have been just another routine police raid onstonewall.jpg a bar patronized by homosexuals became the pivotal event that sparked the entire modern gay rights movement.

The Stonewall riots are now the stuff of myth. Many of the most commonly held beliefs are probably untrue. But here’s what we know for sure.

  • In 1969, it was illegal to operate any business catering to homosexuals in New York City — as it still is today in many places in the world. The standard procedure was for New York City’s finest to raid these establishments on a regular basis. They’d arrest a few of the most obvious ‘types’ harass the others and shake down the owners for money, then they’d let the bar open as usual by the next day.
  • Myth has it that the majority of the patrons at the Stonewall Inn were black and Hispanic drag queens. Actually, most of the patrons were probably young, college-age white guys lookin for a thrill and an evening out of the closet, along with the usual cadre of drag queens and hustlers. It was reasonably safe to socialize at the Stonewall Inn for them, because when it was raided the drag queens and bull-dykes were far more likely to be arrested then they were.
  • After midnight June 27-28, 1969, the New York Tactical Police Force called a raid on The Stonewall Inn at 55 Christopher Street in NYC. Many of the patrons who escaped the raid stood around to witness the police herding the “usual suspects” into the waiting paddywagons. There had recently been several scuffles where similar groups of people resisted arrest in both Los Angeles and New York.
  • Stonewall was unique because it was the first time gay people, as a group, realized that what threatened drag queens and bull-dykes threatened them all.
  • Many of the onlookers who took on the police that night weren’t even homosexual. Greenwich Village was home to many left-leaning young people who had cut their political teeth in the civil rights, anti-war and women’s lib movements.
  • As people tied to stop the arrests, the mêlée erupted. The police barricaded themselves inside the bar. The crowd outside attempted to burn it down. Eventually, police reinforcements arrived to disperse the crowd. But this just shattered the protesters into smaller groups that continued to mill around the streets of the village.
  • A larger crowd assembled outside the Stonewall the following night. This time young gay men and women came to protest the raids that were commonplace in the city. They held hands, kissed and formed a mock chorus line singing; “We are the Stonewall Girls/We wear our hair in curls/We have no underwear/We show our pubic hair.” Don’t ‘cha just love it?
  • Police successfully dispersed this group without incident. But the print media picked up the story. Articles appeared in the NY Post, Daily News and The Village Voice. Theses helped galvanize the community to rally and fight back.
  • Within a few days, representatives of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis (two of the country’s first homophile rights groups) organized the city’s first ever “Gay Power” rally in Washington Square. Some give hundred protesters showed up; many of them gay and lesbians.

stonewall02.jpgThe riots led to calls for homosexual liberation. Fliers appeared with the message: “Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!” And the rest, boys and girls, is as they say is history.

During the first year after Stonewall, a whole new generation of organizations emerged, many identifying themselves for the first time as “Gay.” This not only denoted sexual orientation, but a radical way to self-identify with a growing sense of open political activism. Older, more staid homophile groups soon began to make way for the more militant groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

The vast majority of these new activists were under thirty; dr dick’s generation, don’t cha know. We were new to political organizing and didn’t know that this was as ground-breaking as it was. Many groups formed on colleges campuses and in big cities around the world.

By the following summer, 1970, groups in at least eight American cities staged simultaneous events commemorating the Stonewall riots on the last Sunday in June. The events varied from a highly political march of three to five thousand in New York to a parade with floats for 1200 in Los Angeles. Seven thousand showed up in San Francisco.

Different Colours of Love

— A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding All LGBTQIA+ Terms

By Prakriti Bhat

As kids we’re always taught the world is black and white. There are men and women. Certain characteristics make men masculine and women feminine. There are no in-betweens.

It couldn’t be further from the truth.

Between these black-and-white boundaries lies a whole other colourful world. Men who love men, women who love women, men who love both men and women — the list goes on. While queer rights may have been taken lightly a few decades ago, there’s a lot more awareness around the LGBTQIA community today.

Even those who don’t fully understand the meaning of LGBTQIA+ or the fluidity of gender are willing to learn and educate themselves.

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

The LGBTQIA+ community encompasses diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, fostering a rich tapestry of love and individuality. As society progresses towards greater acceptance and inclusivity, it becomes essential to understand the various terms and orientations within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.

Here’s everything you need to know about sexual orientations within the LGBTQIA+ community.

What Is The Full Form Of LGBTQIA+?

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

LGBTQIA+ is an acronym built up from the following words:

L- Lesbian
G- Gay
B- Bisexual
T- Transgender
I- Intersex
A- Asexual
+ – Holds space for expanding and understanding different parts of the very diverse gender and sexual identities.

Now, let us delve into the meanings and nuances of different sexual orientations, shedding light on the beautiful diversity of love.

1. Lesbians

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

Lesbians are women who are emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to other women. Lesbian individuals face unique challenges and experiences, from societal stigmatisation to the struggle for recognition and acceptance. Despite these obstacles, lesbian individuals have made significant contributions to art, culture, and activism, enriching the LGBTQIA+ community and inspiring others to embrace their authentic selves.

Films like Badhaai Do and Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga are great examples of cinema depicting lesbian relationships truthfully.

2. Gay

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt ©

Gay relationships are those where men are emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to other men. This sexual orientation has been widely recognised and celebrated in pop culture and cinema in recent years. Gay individuals have played a pivotal role in shaping the fight for LGBTQIA+ rights, pushing for greater acceptance, and challenging societal norms. Their experiences, struggles, and triumphs serve as a testament to the strength and resilience of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Films like Aligarh, Kapoor & Sons, and Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan are some of the best examples of Bollywood portraying gay relationships beautifully.

3. Bisexuals

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

Bisexuality refers to individuals who are attracted to both their own gender and other genders. Bisexual individuals experience a spectrum of attractions, embracing the potential for emotional and romantic connections with people of various gender identities. Bisexuality challenges the traditional binary understanding of sexuality, recognising the fluidity and complexity of human desire.

They also face some unique challenges, such as biphobia and erasure, as their experiences often intersect with stereotypes and misconceptions. Understanding and embracing bisexuality is crucial in fostering a more inclusive and supportive environment for all members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

4. Transgender

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

Just to be clear, transgender is a gender identity and has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation. Transgender individuals do not identify with the gender assigned to them at birth. They may undergo gender-affirming processes, such as hormone therapy or gender confirmation surgery, to align their physical appearance with their gender identity.

They face significant challenges, including discrimination, lack of healthcare access, and societal misunderstanding. Their sexual orientation is as fluid as the rest of the queer community. They could be attracted to men, women or other trans people. Vani Kapoor played a trans character opposite Ayushmann Khurrana in Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui in one of the few honest portrayals of the trans community.

5. Queer

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

Queer is an umbrella term that encompasses individuals who do not conform to traditional sexual orientations or gender identities. It serves as an inclusive label for those who feel their experiences fall outside the boundaries of heterosexual or cisgender identities. Queer individuals challenge societal norms and embrace their authentic selves, contributing to the diverse fabric of the LGBTQIA+ community.

6. Intersex

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

Intersex is an umbrella term used to describe individuals who are born with biological sex characteristics that do not fit typical male or female categories. Intersex variations can manifest in various ways, such as chromosomal, hormonal or anatomical differences.

Intersex individuals have diverse experiences and identities and it is essential to respect their autonomy and self-identification. The intersex community advocates for recognition, medical human rights, and an end to unnecessary and non-consensual medical interventions.

7. Asexual

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

Asexual individuals experience little to no sexual attraction towards others. Asexuality is a valid and natural orientation within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, highlighting the wide range of human experiences and desires.

Asexual individuals may still form deep emotional connections, experience romantic attraction, and engage in fulfilling relationships without sexual components. Understanding and respecting asexuality is vital in creating an inclusive environment that values diverse forms of love and companionship.

Influencer Tejshwar Sandhoo posing in rainbow coloured T-shirt

It is crucial for us to continue educating ourselves and fostering inclusivity in order to create a world where everyone feels safe, supported, and celebrated for who they are. From understanding the meaning of LGBTQIA+ to delving into the intricacies of different sexual orientations and gender identities, it’s a constant learning process we need to be actively involved in.

The LGBTQIA+ community encompasses a beautiful tapestry of different sexual orientations and gender identities, each deserving of understanding, acceptance and respect.

Complete Article HERE!

I’m a bi woman with a husband.

— How do I explore my identity?

Can I be married to a man and still fancy women?

By Alice Snape

“It was probably BDSM,” my friend Laura* smirks. We’re at a school reunion, standing outside a bar in my hometown smoking a cigarette. Passing it back and forth in that intimate way we used to. I don’t smoke anymore, but the occasion seems to invite it.

She was my best friend, in that all-consuming way that teenage girls can be. Now we’re looking back at what we used to do with each other — perhaps we were in a relationship, we just didn’t know we could be, no words to define how we felt.

During my twenties, I slipped on the uniform of heterosexuality easily. Hungrily kissing men on sticky dance floors and taking them back to mine for one-night stands. When I’d snog Laura, put my fingers in her knickers and run my hands over her arse, I thought I was performing for the men watching from the dark corners of the dingy nightclub we went to every weekend. I wanted to turn them on.

But there were no prying eyes when we got home. I’d tell her what to do and she’d comply with a submissive giggle. A kinky sort of power play. I now know — when we touched, kissed, explored — that it was sex. My ’90s education meant I thought it was only sex when it was penis-in-vagina sex. I remember being given a book about “where babies come from.” I didn’t understand the nuances of women’s sexuality. I wish I’d known then what I know now.

I love looking at women. I fancy women. I want to acknowledge Laura as one of the first great loves of my life, more than just an old schoolmate. But what can I do now that it’s 20 years later and I’m in a monogamous marriage with a man, outwardly heterosexual to those who look in? I decided to set on a journey — meeting experts and others on sexual re-awakenings along the way — to find out.

Am I bisexual?

I started my quest as so many have before — online. Furiously typing questions like, “can I be bisexual if I’m married to a man?” “What even is bisexuality?” “I’m married to a man but I fancy women too, is this okay?” I briefly wonder how it might have been different for my 16-year-old self as I discover other sexually curious women hiding in corners on Reddit, Twitter, Instagram. There’s communities of women just like me.

Women like 39-year-old Cassie Brooks, too. She’s been happily married to a man for 15 years. When we start chatting, it feels like an outpouring. “I think about women often and have deep friendships and connections with the women in my life,” she confesses. But Cassie grew up in a deeply religious family, although she’s since walked away from her Christian faith.

Her realisation — a sort of epiphany — came when she was in a swimming pool with one of her mates. “She wrapped her arms around me from behind. It elicited warm, fuzzy feelings inside me,” Cassie tells me. “It felt charged, magnetic. I turned in her arms and asked, ‘do you feel this?’ She nodded and giggled and splashed me with water.” Cassie struggled with these feelings because she loves her husband. It felt like she was “cheating,” even though they hadn’t kissed.

This sexual fluidity — identifying as straight, then fancying someone of the same gender — has also shown up in research, too. When I contact sociologist and psychosexual psychotherapist Jordan Dixon(opens in a new tab) to help me unravel how I am feeling she points me towards a study by psychologist Lisa Diamond. ‘Female bisexuality from adolescence to adulthood’(opens in a new tab) was conducted on 79 women over the course of ten years. Two-thirds of the women changed the identity labels they’d claimed at the beginning, with a third changing multiple times. By the end, more women identified as bisexual or chose to have no label at all, rather than say they were straight.

Another study(opens in a new tab) found that women are often influenced by romantic opportunities rather than being rigid in their attractions. “Women’s sexuality may be more flexible and adaptive than men’s,” commented the study’s author Elizabeth Aura McClintock, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Notre Dame. “Having flexible sexual attractions may grant greater importance to contextual and experiential factors when it comes to sexual identity.” These findings were also reflected in the 2020 census in the UK(opens in a new tab), more women than men said they were bisexual – 1.6 percent of women compared to 0.9 percent of men.

Embracing the bi side of me

“I’m not straight, I just love dick,” when the character Arabella (Michaela Coel) uttered those words in BBC drama I May Destroy You(opens in a new tab), I’d never felt so understood. I roll them over in my mind as I fill in the application to Skirt Club(opens in a new tab) — a private network for straight and bisexual women who are sexually curious. When the form asks about my sexuality, I tick the box that says: mostly straight but more than incidentally homosexual. I don’t even know if that fits how I feel.

Skirt Club was founded by Genevieve LeJeune in 2014, mostly because she was looking for other women like her. “Bisexuality is this grey area,” she tells me over Zoom, “a huge taboo attached to it. When I started using the label bisexual, people kept asking me the same questions: what’s wrong? Why can’t you choose?”

“When I started using the label bisexual, people kept asking me the same questions: what’s wrong? Why can’t you choose?”

I tell LeJeune how I’ve been feeling. I’m compelled to reveal my past with Laura and that I’m with a man but I think about women. That I’ve never really said out loud that I think I’m bisexual. She invites me to one of Skirt Club’s signature parties at a secret location in London. “Women act differently without men,” LeJeune says.

And I can see that as soon as I step into this new world, wearing a silk dress and knee high boots. One of the hostesses attaches a key to my wrist. It shows that I’m new (usually around 70 percent of those attending are there for the first time) and unlocks the start of a journey.

I sip on a glass of bubbles and settle in a corner to observe. A woman in a tight red dress gives me the eye. She also has a key dangling down her hand. Her fingertips graze my thigh. She’ll never date a man again, she tells me with vitriol. She’s clearly experienced too much hurt.

After an orientation speech stating the importance of consent, the bar area clears quickly and I wonder where everyone’s gone. I head upstairs to the bedrooms. There’s a smell of sex — sweet and sensuous — and a mass of writhing naked women that looks like some kind of Pre-Raphaelite painting come to life, reimagined in 2023 for a female gaze.

Most of the women hadn’t met until that moment. I think about all those myths that are rammed into us, that women need an emotional connection to climax. Maybe what they actually needed was to be in a room full of other women. I didn’t join in. I didn’t have to, to enjoy it. Just being there was enough. I felt seen, understood.

A coming out, of sorts

I realised how much I’ve internalised myths and stereotypes, inhaled them as facts that I need to let go. That key from Skirt Club has unlocked something. My friend tells me about a book that blew her mind and urges me to read it. Untrue by writer and social researcher Wednesday Martin unravels why nearly everything we believe about women and lust is false. In a chapter called “Women Who Love Sex Too Much,” Martin introduces us to Dr. Meredith Chivers who did a study on women’s and men’s reactions to porn. Predictably, self-identifying straight men had the strongest reaction to guy-on-girl action. In contrast, women — even those who said they were straight — had physical responses to everything: a woman having sex with a woman, man-on-man action, and even bonobos getting down to it.

Mostly, what I’ve discovered is that sexual identity is complex. “Some women may be attracted to other women, but they may not wish to act upon it,” says Dixon, who implores anyone reading this to ask themselves: What would labelling mean to you? What do you want? Why? What would it mean for your partner to bear witness to that? “For those in hetero relationships, whether we decide to tell our partners or not, it can help to know that this doesn’t mean our decision is always fixed,” she assures.

Having experience doesn’t define sexuality.

According to research by Pew Research Center(opens in a new tab) in the U.S., only 19 percent of bisexuals are “out.” And although I’m writing this, I don’t think I feel the need to explicitly “come out” to anyone. According to therapist Chris Sheridan(opens in a new tab), the act of coming out can actually be disempowering to some. “It implies there’s a secret or it’s owed to heteronormative society,” Sheridan explains. Instead, do it on your terms. “Some people choose not to come out, others opt for coming out to some people and not others. It’s up to you.”

For Cassie, this looks like telling her husband how she feels. “To my relief, he said ‘I know.’ He asked me if I still loved him and I said yes.” Their marriage is monogamous but Cassie knowing this about herself is enough for now — having experience doesn’t define sexuality. “I 100 percent consider myself bisexual,” she says. “It took me a little while to associate that as part of my identity because I didn’t have experience. But the definition is attraction to both genders — I definitely fit that.”

As for me, I’m holding on to the advice from the therapists I spoke to: “Give yourself permission to fully fantasise about different genders during solo sex,” Sherdian told me. And “personal intimacy with ourselves means creating a private zone,” says Dixon, “it’s a space – physical, emotional, intellectual – that belongs only to us and we can play with whoever we like in our minds. Everyone can cultivate a secret erotic fantasy garden to play in.”

And what I witnessed at Skirt Club, just conjuring it in my mind makes me wet. So does lesbian porn. So does having sex with my husband. So, too, does a plethora of other things. Holding this knowledge about my shapeshifting sexuality feels powerful. I can’t be all parts of myself to everyone at all times. And those fragments of myself are also constantly in flux. This is a moment in time and right now I’m bisexual — regardless of my relationship status. I can’t wait to see what comes next… but I doubt I will ever say I’m straight again.

*name has been changed

Complete Article HERE!

Bisexuals are the ‘invisible majority’ in LGBTQ America

By Daniel de Visé

Nearly three-fifths of LGBTQ adults in America identify as bisexual, according to a new Gallup poll, a finding that illustrates the extent of a population that some researchers have termed the “invisible majority” of the queer community.

Young Americans, and young women in particular, have widely rejected the notion of sexuality as a binary choice — straight versus gay — just as they have largely abandoned the either-or, boy-girl system of fixed gender.

One-fifth of Generation Z respondents identified as queer, Gallup found, one of the largest generational LGBTQ populations ever documented.

Two-thirds of young, queer adults polled consider themselves bisexual, meaning they are attracted to more than one gender. Most of them are women, who outnumber bisexual men 3 to 1, according to Gallup. Scholars say American society allows women more latitude than men in exploring sexual identity.

“We have a range of sexualities within us,” said Michael Bronski, a Harvard professor who penned a definitive Queer History of the United States. “I think women have far more permission to be open about their sexual desires than men do, no matter how men feel.”

Around 7 percent of American adult respondents overall identified as queer in 2022, according to Gallup. Of that group, 58 percent identified as bisexual.

Researchers increasingly recognize bisexuality as the largest LGBTQ population. A pioneering 2011 study by the Williams Institute, a UCLA thinktank, examined several earlier surveys and found that bisexuals constituted a narrow majority.

A 2011 report from the San Francisco Human Rights Commission termed bisexuals the “invisible majority” of the queer community, calling out a societal tendency to act as if the largest LGBTQ group didn’t exist.

The San Francisco report found that bisexuals are frequently “ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral or irrelevant.”

The concept of “bisexual erasure” has a long and growing Wikipedia page.

Meanwhile, the visibility of the LGBTQ community as a whole has been increasing. With polls revealing ever-larger numbers of queer Americans, observers may be tempted to conclude the population is rising. One long-running Gallup survey, for example, found twice as many young, queer adults in 2021 as in 2017.

Researchers see the rising poll numbers more as a journey of discovery.

American society has stigmatized homosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality and polysexuality for generations. Same-sex sexual activity remained illegal in parts of the United States until 2003. Federal law did not protect same-sex marriage until 2015.

As society has become more accepting of queer Americans, experts say, more people have publicly identified as queer. Rising tolerance may also explain why the queer community is proportionally larger among younger adults than older ones. Among the Silent Generation — Americans born in 1945 or earlier — only 1.7 percent identify as queer.

“As exciting as it is to see those numbers going up, I think those numbers are still not giving us the full picture,” said V Varun Chaudhry, a cultural anthropologist at Brandeis University who studies gender and sexuality.

Only recently have many surveys and studies focused on subgroups in the queer community, such as bisexuals, along with the total LGBTQ population. Gallup, for one, did not ask respondents to identify a specific category until 2020.

The categories themselves have not been static. The definition of bisexuality has expanded in recent years to embrace a broader view of gender and a growing range of LGBTQ subgroups, populations that don’t always fit within the strictures of a one-word label.

The modern concept of bisexuality dates to the 1800s, and the label is showing its age. “Bisexual” implies an either-or duality of genders that arguably ignores transgender, gender-variant and nonbinary people. A landmark 2021 study found 1.2 million nonbinary adults identify with neither the male nor female gender.

The term “is imperfect at best,” the San Francisco commission concluded in its report.

In recent years, bisexuality has evolved into a catchall that embraces pansexuality and polysexuality, expressing the concept of being physically attracted to someone regardless of gender.

The idea of attraction to multiple genders has seeded both celebration and conflict over the decades.

The 20th century saw brief periods of “bisexual chic,” times of heightened public interest and acceptance, sometimes extending to androgynous imagery in fashion magazines and on runways.

The blues singers Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith and poet Edna St. Vincent Millay openly identified as bisexual in the 1920s, an era of social and sexual exploration.

Another epoch of bisexual chic peaked amid the androgynous disco stylings of the late 1970s. Elton John came out as bisexual in a 1976 issue of Rolling Stone; David Bowie came out as gay in 1972. Sir Elton later identified as gay, while Bowie settled on a more ambiguous sexual identity.

At the time, celebrities who came out as either bisexual or gay risked fortune and fame. Bowie “said the bisexual label helped sell records in the U.K., but it hurt selling records in the U.S.,” the Harvard professor Bronski said, illustrating how American society resisted accepting queer identities.

Bisexual people have faced ostracism from within the queer community as well as from without.

The modern LGBTQ rights movement struggled for decades to posit the simple idea that some people are born with a natural attraction to others of the same biological sex, a concept that the movement’s opponents have sought to deny.

Many in the movement “felt that people who were saying they were bisexual were being evasive,” Bronski said.

Prejudices persist to this day. A 2019 study found that bisexual people experience “bi-negativity”— anti-bisexual prejudice — “from both heterosexuals and lesbian and gay individuals, as well as the LGBTQ community more broadly.”

Bisexual people are stigmatized over the belief that they are “confused about their sexuality, or that bisexuality does not actually exist,” the study found. They are sometimes viewed as promiscuous or untrustworthy.

“There’s this assumption that you’re either gay or straight and you will ultimately fall to one side or the other,” Chaudhry said. “People might say, ‘Oh, you’re not really committed to this relationship because your last partner was the other gender.’”

To this day, some older lesbian and gay people struggle to accept bisexuality. Younger adults, by contrast, have grown up with “a range of sexualities,” Bronski said, with gay and lesbian just two identities among many.

Survey numbers suggest, however, that young men are far less open than young women to exploring attraction to people of multiple genders. Six percent of American women respondents identify as bisexual, Gallup found, but only 2 percent of men.

Researchers cite enduring masculine stereotypes that associate sexual exploration with femininity. Popular culture is awash in female celebrities who identify as bisexual; male bisexual role models seem fewer.

“If I had to guess, I would say there are more societal constraints around masculinity than around femininity,” Chaudhry said. “There’s a lot more societally accepted fluidity and freedom in so-called female friendships.”

A 2019 Pew Research survey found bisexual people are much less likely than gay or lesbian people to be “out” to important people in their lives. One reason, Pew reported, is that bisexuals are less likely to see sexual orientation as central to their identity.

Bisexual people are far more likely to marry or cohabit with partners of a different sex. A 2021 Gallup survey found 32 percent of bisexual adult respondents had partners of a different sex, and 5 percent had same-sex partners. Some of that disparity, researchers say, reflects enduring prejudice.

“There’s actually enormous pressure from parents to get married,” Bronski said. “Still. Parents who are younger than me. These are mostly younger, heterosexual parents who are invested in heterosexual relationships.”

Complete Article HERE!

Polysexual vs. Pansexual

— How Are They Different?

Polysexual and pansexual are sometimes used interchangeably, but these terms do not mean the same thing. Although similar, polysexual is different from pansexual. Here we explain how and why they differ.

By

    • Polysexual and pansexual are two similar types of sexual identification, but they are not the same thing.
    • Both terms describe individuals who are attracted to more than one gender.
    • Pansexual people are attracted to all people regardless of gender.
    • Those who identify as polysexual are attracted to multiple genders but not all.

    Polysexual vs pansexual explained

    The main difference between polysexual and pansexual is that people who identify as pansexual place no emphasis on another person’s gender, they are what is sometimes referred to as “gender blind”. For this reason, they are attracted to people of all genders.

    Polysexual individuals, on the other hand, are usually aware of others’ gender. They may be attracted to more than one or two genders, but they are still aware of genders, and there are some genders that they are exclusively not attracted to.

    Some people confuse polysexual with bisexual. These concepts may be similar, but they have their differences. Usually, bisexuality is defined as being attracted to your gender as well as being attracted to other genders.

    Polysexuality is sometimes used as an umbrella term to categorize other sexualities. For example, it is sometimes thought that bisexuality and pansexuality are subcategories of polysexuality.

    Is polysexual the same as pansexual?

    No, polysexual and pansexual are different things. However, pansexuality does fall under the category of being a type of polysexuality. There are different subcategories of polysexuality — pansexual is one of them. Some other examples of polysexuality include bisexual and omnisexual. Think of polysexual as an umbrella term under which other concepts can fall.

    Polysexual and polyamory differences

    Sometimes the concept of polysexuality is confused with polyamory; however, these are not the same thing. Polysexuality means being attracted to multiple genders. Being in a polyamorous relationship means being romantically involved with more than one person while all parties are aware.

    Just because a person identifies as being polysexual, does not inherently mean that they prefer a polyamorous relationship. Polysexual people may still prefer to be in a monogamous relationship or, they may not.

    Is polyromantic a thing?

    Polyromantic is another term that is commonly used alongside polysexual. Polyromantic is very similar to polysexual in that it involves being attracted to more than two genders. The difference is that polychromatic relates specifically to romantic attraction, which is usually more emotional and requires forming a deeper connection. In addition, polysexual people are sexually or romantically attracted to multiple genders, so a polysexual person could also identify as polychromatic.

    Polysexuality and relationships

    Being polysexual shouldn’t influence a relationship or dating life as long as the partner is comfortable with the other’s sexual identification. People often confuse polysexuality with polyamory, but just because someone is attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean they’ll want to date more than one person at once.

    People with unique sexual identifications like polysexual might deal with others assuming that they are gay or straight, which can be uncomfortable. It is best not to make assumptions about another person’s sexuality just based on the gender of the person that they are dating. For example, a polysexual man may be dating a woman then that same man may date a man. You should never make assumptions about another person’s sexual identity, especially based on the gender of the person they are dating.

    Distinguishing between all identities

    It is easy to get confused with all of the different terms that exist today in relation to sexuality. Polysexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, pomosexuality, and polyamory are all examples. Here are definitions to help distinguish the differences:

    Sexual identity Definition
    Polysexual Sexually or romantically attracted to more than one gender
    Pansexual Sexually or romantically attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender
    Bisexual Sexually or romantically attracted to both men and women
    Pomosexual Chooses not to fit into any sexual orientation label, including homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual
    Polyamory Sexually or romantically involved in multiple romantic relationships while all parties are aware

    How to tell which term fits your identity

    There is no clear-cut way to figure out exactly what your sexual identity is. The best way to figure out your sexual identity is to live your life, and at some point, you will figure out which term best fits your experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing your identity if you figure out that there is a different term that better fits your sexual identity.

    It is helpful to understand the different types of sexual identities in our society today to understand better what identity might fit best with your personal experience. Sexual identity is a very nuanced concept that is ever-evolving, so it is best not to make assumptions about the sexual identities of others.

    Complete Article HERE!

A Guy Who Says a Successful Threesome Is All About Communication

Andy, 31, talked to GQ about not understanding when people are hitting on him, coming out, and getting involved with straight guys.

By

My first sexual experience was when I was younger. An older kid was pretending to wrestle me and kind of did some hump action—I wasn’t sure what that was, I just knew it felt great. I was conflicted about that for years, and then I became an adult and I was like, “Oh well, that was definitely, you know, a mild form of molestation.”

My first consensual experience was when I was about 17 or 18. It was literally just a friend and I jacking off together and some oral. We came back from a high school dance. Another friend had as much of an after party as you can have in high school, and he had some beers and we’d each had like, half a beer, and we were like, “Oh we’re so drunk,” even though we weren’t. We just kind of locked eyes. I wasn’t out to him, he wasn’t out to me, but I was just like, “Hey, do you want to try something?” and he was like, “Well it depends on what it is you’d like to try.” I remember verbatim his word choice. And I was like, “Well, maybe I should just do it and if you like it, cool and if you don’t, tell me to stop.” And I got on my knees and opened his bands and he ended up being way more into it than I was, which was surprising. He wanted to escalate into something further, but we were kids who didn’t know what they were doing.

When I was in college I was just so… I wouldn’t say innocent, but I was just so inexperienced that oftentimes when people would be blatantly flirting with me and I had no idea. I went to a pretty small college in Kansas; there were like 8,000 people collectively for undergrad and graduate programs. And so like I had very little experience and so while I was navigating that I had plenty of opportunities to do more than what I actually did. I was still somewhat prudish, because I had no idea what it was that I liked or didn’t like. One time a super hot country guy came up to me at a bar where I was with some of my buddies. He was like, “Hey can I buy you a drink?” and I was like “Sure” and then he comes back with the drink and he’s like “Hey do you want to go duck hunting some time?” And I’m like, “I’m black; I don’t duck hunt.” It took several occasions of my friends being like “I think that guy’s hitting on you.”

I’d say the vast majority of my experiences have been with men who identify as straight or men who know they’re gay, but who are on the DL. You know, straight people don’t have to come out. And so I don’t feel like gay people should have to come out. Come out to the people you feel comfortable coming out to. But most importantly, you come out to yourself and you work through how you feel about yourself. And if you’ve done that work, that’s what’s most important to me. Like we don’t have to skip into the sunset. We don’t have to parade around doing PDA. None of that’s very important to me. I just want to know that the people that are closest to you in life, like your family or friends that they know about us—that’s really my only requirement for anything monogamous or long term.

I understand that not everybody is worth exploring monogamy with and not everyone is capable of it. I can get with a DL guy and maybe the sex will be good, but it doesn’t necessarily correlate with my worth or his worth. It’s just something that I need in that moment, because I’m feeling sexual, and that’s all that it has to be. Whereas I could date a guy who’s in the closet, and I think what’s most important for me is that he’s comfortable with who he is.

There was a super hot Italian guy from when I lived in Kansas. We met off Scruff or Grindr, and we hooked up on and off for about five years. The last time we hooked up was at the start of the pandemic. And he was super great at everything, don’t get me wrong. But he was still trying to date women while we were hooking up. He’d get into a relationship with a woman and then I wouldn’t hear from him for a few months, and then they’d break up and he’d hit me up. Once he even hit me up when he was still with her and I was like, “Are you single yet?” because I don’t want that karma.

I remember being surprised because he was one of the straight guys I’ve been with who was just really, really good at everything we did, but then sometimes he’d get weird about kissing. And then sometimes in the middle of sex he’d go into like overdrive and just do everything he wanted to do and it almost seemed like he had a mental block that had been lifted. Once after we hooked up, he’d gotten off and I was on top masturbating, getting ready to get myself off and he started to close his eyes and I kind of laughed and asked why and he was like, “Oh Catholic guilt.” We talked about it afterward while we were showering together. He was like, “You know that this won’t be anything more than what it is, right?” And I’m like, “Yeah, I’m like I’m good. Are you good?” He admitted that he wanted a wife and kids someday. So I told him, basically, I completely understand that’s where you are in your journey; it’s fine and I’m comfortable with you wanting whatever you want. But I also know you’re denying or compartmentalizing what it means to be with me and maybe you’ve enjoyed being with me more than you “should.”

I’m Carribean; I’m first-generation American. So we don’t typically struggle with, you know, the shame most Americans do. Being raised by islanders? I mean, there women dance around in next to nothing during Carnival and it’s not seen as sexual. It’s seen as cultural. A lot of feelings regarding sex and sexuality…I just didn’t have. They weren’t natural or indigenous to me because I was raised so free. A lot of what I bring to the table now is just that freedom. And the freedom I feel to say, “I like this. I don’t like that. Don’t do that.” And then just be able to walk away during or before a sexual experience because I know myself. I’ve done my sexual due diligence. I know what I like but I’m also open and curious, so if I might like something I create boundaries where it’s safe to explore that. And I feel like that mindset automatically translates into pretty great sex. I’ve gotten better at head. I’ve gotten better at reading the room. Like, when I do it slow you like it. When I use my tongue there you come. Each person is different—the only thing that’s consistent is that no one appreciates a mediocre performance.

Hooking up with a guy and his girlfriend, that’s something I never thought I’d be into, because I’ve never been into women, but I actually enjoyed it more than being in threesomes with all men. Women are just different or special. But I’ve had great threesomes. It’s because I’ve asked the hard questions before I even leave the comfort of my home. If I’m taking you out for a drink, I want to know what is it that you’re looking for. If you can’t tell me what you’re looking for? It’s a nonstarter. Or if you say I’m on [this app] out of boredom it’s a nonstarter, because how am I supposed to trust you with my future if you haven’t been thoughtful or purposeful with your own?

So with threesomes it’s like: What are you looking to get out of this? What are your boundaries? What’s most important to you in this experience? Should I focus more on your partner or should I focus more on you? If someone’s not receiving enough attention how do we realign and get back on track? If you have these conversations early and often, you know what you’re getting into and it creates a good, equitable experience for everyone.

Complete Article HERE!

Am I Bisexual? 9 Signs You Might Be

+ Common Questions About Being Bi

by Marj Ostani

While society is arguably more accepting of diverse sexualities these days, figuring out how to define your own personal sexual identity can still be confusing—especially when you’re still trying to make sense of what all these terms mean. Figuring out your sexual orientation might be difficult or take time, and that’s OK.

If you think you might be bisexual, you might be experiencing a mix of feelings: perhaps confusion, a bit of fear, and maybe, just maybe, a bit of excitement as you’re starting to identify this part of yourself. Ahead, we talk about how to know if you may be bisexual and what to do next if that may be the case.

What does it mean to be bisexual?

A bisexual person is someone who is romantically and sexually attracted to more than one gender, which might include women, men, nonbinary folks, and other genders.

Although the term was traditionally associated with attraction toward men and women, specifically, our understanding of sexual orientation and gender has evolved, and today bisexuality is not boxed as binary.

“In the past, we commonly thought of bisexuality as being ‘attracted to both sexes,’ but this more contemporary definition offers and honors gender identity over biological sex and is more inclusive in that way,” Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, CST, sex therapist and director at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center, tells mbg.

Bisexuality conforms to no rules when it comes to the type or amount of attraction a person must feel to be considered bisexual. It is not a box to fit into but a doorway to discover one’s authentic self.

“Bisexuality can mean attraction to people of your gender and other genders, attraction to multiple genders, and/or being attracted to two or more genders,” Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva, tells mbg.

According to a 2022 Gallup report, 7.1% of U.S. adults identify as LGBTQ+. Of those LGBTQ+ folks, a whopping 57% are bisexual, making it the single largest group within the LGBTQ+ community.

There is not one single process for identifying one’s sexual preferences; the experience can vary from person to person. That said, here are some of the most common signs that you may be bisexual:

1. Your feelings confuse you.

Regardless of your identity, feelings in general can be confusing. However, one sign that you may be bisexual is feeling confused about your attraction to other people, especially when it comes to what genders you are or aren’t attracted to. Bi feelings can be confusing—especially if you’ve grown up in a traditional household or have preferred one gender for most of your life.

2. You’ve had confusing friendships in the past.

Have you ever felt a weird connection with a friend but were too afraid to confront it? Do you always find yourself afraid to “cross that one thin line”? That may be a sign of bisexuality. Confusing “nonromantic” or “quasi-romantic” relationships can be a common experience for bisexual people.

3. You’ve felt drawn in by people of more than one gender.

For many people, physical attraction is often the first step when it comes to developing deeper feelings for someone. One of the most common telltale sign that you may be bisexual is if you feel an undeniable attraction toward a person’s appearance and looks, regardless of their gender.

4. Your sexual fantasies aren’t always heterosexual in nature. 

Do you fantasize about physically being with people of various genders? Has your porn history begun to expand to include scenes outside of just the heterosexual norm? These are all signs you’re likely sexually attracted to more than one gender.

5. One’s gender doesn’t stop you from wanting a relationship with them.

Bisexuality equips you with the capacity to fully love and date multiple genders (or even all of them!). Visualizing a long-term relationship with someone outside of their gender is a good sign that you may be bisexual. You might be more comfortable with one specific gender over others, but if you could see yourself dating people of different genders, that may signal some bisexual inclinations.

6. You are attracted to fictional characters, regardless of their gender…

…or relate more to bisexual characters on your favorite show, movie, or book. Though this does not immediately confirm you are bisexual, having a sense of attraction, connection, or pride with these characters can be good indicators that you might be one.

7. You have answered lots of “Am I Bi?” quizzes online.

Ever tried to take an online quiz to confirm if you’re bisexual? This could mean that you are having conflicting feelings or emotions over yourself or someone, and finding answers online seems like the only way to help. You may brush it off as a silly little quiz, or you may do it “just for fun,” but questioning to this extent alone is something many LGBTQ+ people experience.

8. The “bi” label resonates.

Labels can be overwhelming for everyone. However, when you read or hear about bisexuality and what it means, you find yourself validated and understood. If you’re comfortable using and being called this label, it’s a good sign that you may indeed be bisexual.

“Many people will also define their sense of bisexuality on their own terms as well, so it’s important to be curious about not just what terms people use to identify themselves but also the importance of that identity to them personally,” Caraballo adds.

Something in you clicks—you just know it. Many recount their experience as just the realization hitting them, like they have known it all along. All it took was one encounter, one experience, or one moment of reckoning, and everything fell into place.

“Ultimately, each person will relate to and define their sexuality differently,” Kahn adds. “It’s about what words mean to you and your communities, and why that word choice is most accurate or meaningful to you.”

I think I may be bisexual — what now?

Bisexuality is a unique identity that is worthy of acceptance and all the same rights as any other sexual orientation. Resonating with this identity may be overwhelming at first, but it is an exciting journey toward self-discovery and self-love.

Here are a few things to keep in mind if you think you may be bisexual:

1. Validate yourself.

“It’s important to people who are learning more about themselves in this area to give themselves a lot of grace and compassion,” Caraballo says. “There are a lot of external messages and voices that contribute to our internal programming and belief systems. This can make feeling secure in your identity difficult.”

While there may be misconceptions and prejudice surrounding bisexuality, know that it truly is something to celebrate. Your identity is valid, and understanding your sexual preferences better is always a good thing.

“If you’re having a hard time figuring out your sexuality, just remember that there’s no rush to figure anything out and that coming into your sexuality is a fluid experience that can change over your lifetime,” Kahn reminds.

2. Don’t pressure yourself to “come out.” 

On that note, you may be wondering whether you need to “come out” to others about your newfound identity. Coming out is very personal, and it’s all up to you. Some decide to come out as a way of introducing their true selves, while others don’t feel the need to do so. You don’t have to come out if you don’t want to or before you’re ready, nor do you have to be open about your sexuality and preferences to everyone.

3. Keep learning about queerness and unlearning heteronormativity.

“A large part of realizing one’s sexuality often involves unlearning heterocentric and queer-phobic cultural narratives and beliefs that we’ve all internalized,” says Caraballo, “while creating space in yourself and perhaps with others to explore and stay connected to what YOU like, want and desire.”

4. Find a support system and community.

Of course, not everybody will understand your bisexuality, and you’ll probably receive a wide range of reactions, especially from the people you care about. So surrounding yourself with people who understand, support, and love you is one of the best and more important parts of this journey.

Keep in mind that you need to open up to people you trust and feel comfortable talking with. Caraballo suggests relying on your more accepting friends and family members, as well as therapists familiar with supporting LGBTQ+ people, for ongoing support in your self-discovery process. This support network can help you process new knowledge and emotions that you are unfamiliar with. It is always easier to work it out with someone else.

5. Spend time in queer spaces.

“Spending time with LGBTQ+ folks, or in those spaces, often allows for more clarity and experiences to draw from as you move forward on your journey of self-discovery and acceptance,” Caraballo says.

In all of the confusion, it can be comforting to hear stories from other people’s experiences; knowing that other people may be going through the same things as you are can allow you to gain confidence and find reassurance that everything will be OK.

Caraballo also suggests exploring queer books, movies, and other media.

6. Know how to protect yourself.

Regardless of your identity, knowing how to protect yourself sexually should be one of your top priorities. This involves deciding on your sexual nonnegotiables, identifying what you want and don’t want to do with your partners, and communicating your emotional needs.

Misconceptions about bisexuality:

It’s always just black or white.

Many tend to confuse bisexuality as the attraction to men and women alone. In reality, you can be both bisexual and nonbinary, and being bisexual can include attraction to nonbinary people. Bisexuality is just about being attracted to more than just one gender; it’s not specific to just men and women. 

You need to be equally attracted to all genders.

There is also a notion that bisexuals’ attraction is split 50/50 (e.g., equally attracted to men as to women). In most cases though, bi folks are more interested in certain genders than others.

Bisexual people are attracted to everyone all the time.

One of the most popular myths about bisexuals is that they’re “playing on both fields” to “take every chance they get.” This misconception attaches a stigma that bisexuals are more promiscuous than others, given their much bigger dating pool–which is false. In reality, just like a straight woman isn’t attracted to every man she meets, a bisexual person experiences attraction only to specific people who fit their fancy.

It’s just a phase.

Bisexuals often hear the phrase “pick a lane,” suggesting that bisexuality is just a phase and they are bound to choose one gender in the long run. On the contrary though, bisexuality is not just an experimental or transitional phase.

The takeaway.

Bisexuality is not only a phase. Bisexuality is not playing on both fields. It is an expression of feelings, identity, and preferences that are not bound by stereotypes.

However, having to define yourself and identify your preferences need not be rushed. You can take it slow. Explore the idea, see how this label feels, and know that at the end of the day, only you can decide if you are bisexual or not. While labels can provide comfort and validation, your sexual identity is just one part of who you are and one single puzzle piece in the journey to loving yourself better.

Complete Article HERE!

How to deal with nerves the first time you have same-sex sex

By

Okay, so you’re pondering having sex with someone of the same gender for the first time.

Feeling nervous? Don’t panic – that’s totally normal.

‘Same-sex sex can feel daunting even if you’ve had plenty of “straight” sex before,’ sex and relationships expert Annabelle Knight tells Metro.co.uk. ‘The reason it feels so different is because… it is!

‘The idea of first time same-sex can feel scary because it’s an entirely new experience. Nerves are part and parcel of pushing yourself out of your usual space and into something new.’

There’s a lot of fear when trying anything new (including queer sex) that you’ll get stuff wrong, that you’ll be rubbish, that it’ll be embarrassing.

It’s all perfectly natural, but when the nerves are overwhelming, it’s time to tackle them.

So, how do we do that?

Reframe anxiety as excitement

You’re about to do something new – what if instead of viewing that as a scary thing, you see it as exciting?

‘Try to focus on the positives. As with lots of new experiences things can seem daunting, however if you re-package nerves as excitement then you’ll be able to build what’s known as “positive anticipation”, which will help you to really get the most out of the experience as a whole,’ Annabelle suggests.

Reframe anxiety as excitement

Talk about it

You don’t need to pretend to be totally cool or act like you know what you’re doing. It’s actually pretty endearing to openly say that you’re a touch nervous.

‘We can combat nerves by opening up communication with our partner, or if you feel able to, telling them that you might be feeling a bit nervous,’ says Lelo’s sex and relationships expert Kate Moyle.

Redefine sex

You might still be holding on to a traditional definition of sex, viewing it only as penis in vagina penetration.

The reality is that sex can encompass all sorts of joyous things – stroking, licking, caressing…

And the thing is, if you’ve been in ‘straight’ sex setups before, you’ve likely played with all of these bits of sex. Remembering that makes same-sex sex feel a lot less scary.

‘Appreciate that there’s more to sex than penetration alone,’ Annabelle says. ‘This means that everything from kissing, cuddling and sensual massage can fall under the banner of sex.

‘Great sex is how you define it so don’t feel constrained by the idea that penetration = proper sex.’

Be playful

Hey, this is supposed to be fun.

‘Even if we haven’t had a sexual experience with someone of the same gender before, bodies are still sensual and sensitive – be creative and playful with your touch, which will help to build up arousal and desire,’ suggests Kate.

Keep communication open

Bring in sex toys

Sex toys are not a necessity, but they can be a bonus – and can definitely help to relieve the pressure of delivering an orgasm with your hands and genitals alone.

Don’t feel pressured to orgasm every time

Not climaxing doesn’t mean you’ve ‘failed’. It’s the journey that counts, and every bit of sex can be a glorious experience – not just the orgasm.

Keep the communication going

‘Vocalise what you are feeling using positive encouragement,’ recommends Kate, ‘so letting them know what feel’s good for you.’

Embrace uncertainty

Annabelle adds: ‘To get the most out of your first same-sex experience make sure you’re in the right head space.

‘You don’t need to have everything figured out, nor do you need to put a label on yourself – instead embrace the fact that you’re ready to experiment and open yourself up to a different type of connection.’

Top tips for great first-time same-sex sex

Trim your nails

‘Long fingernails look great but can be a bit of a pain in the clit when it comes to same-sex experiences,’ notes Annabelle.

Lube

One thing Annabelle recommends for great same-sex sex? ‘Lube, lube, and more lube!’

‘Anal doesn’t just happen, she notes. ‘The anus isn’t self-lubricating and needs a lot of help in that department. A good quality water based lube is a fabulous all-rounder. It’s skin safe, toy safe, and condom safe too.’

Lube is great for vaginas, too, particularly if the woman you’re dating is going through menopause or has given birth (both of which can cause hormones to drop and dryness to occur).

Wetter is better, so feel free to lube liberally.

Stay safe

Pregnancy won’t be a risk during same-sex sex, but make sure you’re still protecting yourself from STIs. Condoms, dental dams – all necessary.

Oh, and ‘if you’re sharing sex toys make sure you give them a clean between uses,’ says Annabelle.

Explore different turn-on spots

‘For women and vulva owners the clitoris is the source of most sensitivity and sexual pleasure, and most women report orgasming via direct clitoral stimulation,’ Kate tells us. ‘But having said that, take your time to explore sensually and not just focusing on the areas of the body commonly associated with sex.

‘This build up gives the body a chance to sexually warm up and become aroused which is key to pleasure.’

Complete Article HERE!

How to close an open relationship

How to close an open relationship

By

Over the past few years, conversations about polyamory have become more and more commonplace.

In fact, recent research by Lovehoney has uncovered that, as Brits become more sexually explorative and adventurous than ever, one in four Brits say they would consider an open relationship or some kind of polyamory in their lives, while 31% of Brits do not believe in monogamy at all.

Often when we speak about non-monogamy, there’s an assumption that decisions about the dynamic of a relationship made between couples (whether they’re about polyamory or anything else really) are permanent and unchangeable. A common misconception in relationships is that once a boundary is laid down, it’s immobile.

That myth can put people off trying an open relationship. A quick scroll through the non monogamy subreddit will show bouts of people concerned that an open relationship may have no end if they come to dislike it, or already do.

But while boundaries should always be respected, they’re subject to change as individuals and couples grow. If a relationship dynamic is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to negotiate with your partner and propose a new chapter.

Closing open relationships is more common than you might think. Hairdresser Izzy, 31, and her husband shift manager James, 35, opened their marriage after five years of being in a relationship and one year of marriage.

‘We’re both bisexual but neither of us have had a chance to explore things with the opposite sex, always being in hetero relationships,’ Izzy tells Metro.co.uk. ‘We decided to give each other that chance as like a gift.’

For two years, they loved having an open relationship.

‘Neither of us got serious with other people and we still had sex with one another and made lots of time for dates,’ Izzy shares. ‘In a way nothing changed between us really, just I slept with women and Jake slept with men and we felt like we were finally getting to explore our queer identities.’

Things changed for the couple when Izzy got pregnant.

She tells us: ‘Lots of poly couples make a pregnancy work. I’ve seen couples who involve the other partners and the kid gets to have a load of parents who all of them. For us, though, it felt icky.

Multiethnic couple holding hands and walking
Communication is key

‘Being pregnant made me want to close our relationship again and just focus on the three of us, at least for the time being.’

Bella and James think they will eventually re-open their relationship but not until their child, now six months old, is a bit older.

‘I think because we weren’t serious with any of our partners, it didn’t feel natural to involve polyamory with our pregnancy or keep it going,’ Bella adds. ‘And soon I would be so big that sex would kind of be off the cards, wouldn’t it?’

Thankfully for the couple, closing the relationship wasn’t a huge deal.

‘Again I think because we didn’t have any romantic attachment to any of the people we were sleeping with, like we weren’t serious or committed to any of them, [closing the relationship] was sort of easy,’ Bella explains. ‘When we found out we were pregnant, we both just kind of said we should probably stop.’

Gigi Engle, a certified sex educator who specialises in relationship diversity, says closing a relationship can be complicated, ‘but so is opening a relationship’. The key is good old communication.

She tells us: ‘If both partners are down to close the relationship, it’s totally doable. You just have to be on the same page about it.

‘But the thing about open relationships (and relationships in general) is that both people have to want that style of relationship for the relationship to thrive.’

She adds that if one partner wants an open relationship and one partner wants a closed relationship, this is a recipe for disaster.

She continues: ‘Really, what it comes down to is, are you okay with it if your partner wants to close the relationship?

‘If you don’t want to close it, is that a compromise you’re willing to make? It’s really okay if you don’t want to close it, and it’s okay if you do.’

Cropped hands of lesbian couple holding hands against purple background
It’s okay for your relationship to change

If you are on different pages, Engle suggests involving a qualified psychosexual therapist to try to work through that conversation, ‘because you’re fundamentally incompatible on this topic’.

‘It may have to end the relationship, which isn’t a bad thing because you deserve to live your truth,’ Gigi comments.

‘There’s nothing wrong with wanting to close your open relationship. A lot of couples who have close really open relationships often close them at least for periods of time.

‘For instance, like when one partner gets pregnant, the couple may decide to close the relationship during the time of the pregnancy because there’s so much emotional support needed.’

Students Sammi*, 22, and Danielle*, 21, opened their relationship after they’d been together for three years.

Sammi tells Metro.co.uk: ‘My partner had never been with a male before and wanted to experiment, I was eager to explore being open and sleeping with other people except my partner, we didn’t have sex particularly often as we both take antidepressants and find our libidos don’t line up as often as we’d like.’

The couple discussed the idea for a while, downloading dating apps together and making sure they understood and respected each other’s boundaries, before starting to see other people.

‘Soon we started dating others and further on, we ended up having threesomes with people we had each met individually which was an exciting experience,’ Sammi shares. ‘But my partner struggled with this and found it hard to articulate their exact feelings as they weren’t sure what they were feeling themselves.’

Eventually Sammi’s partner, who is non-binary, realised the envy they were feeling wasn’t over Sammi sleeping with men, but over the men themselves.

‘In the end, my partner realised that actually the jealousy was more envy of the males I was meeting as they themselves did not identify as female,’ Sammi explains. ‘We decided to close the relationship again as it brought up feelings we didn’t want to have to work through.

‘So basically our open relationship triggered a gender identity crisis for my partner but ended in an awakening.’

Sammi also realised that she was having sex with men for validation, and she and her partner found this unhealthy – adding another reason to close the relationship.

The conversation about closing their open relationship was made a lot easier because they’d discussed the importance of communicating any and all feelings right when they first discussed polyamory.

Sammi says: ‘We didn’t have a timescale in mind, just for as long as we both enjoyed it and felt we wanted it to be open.

‘I really can’t emphasise the importance of communication during this time as I really think it would have ended us if we couldn’t be open and discuss these things without judgement from the other side.’

Gigi recommends discussing the potential closure of an open relationship from the very beginning, when you first discuss the idea of opening the relationship.

‘When opening, it has to be clear that this might not work and that you’re willing to work through that possibility together,’ she says.

If you want to close your open relationship, these conversations can’t be avoided.

‘You should be living your most authentic life so that you don’t end up miserable and resentful of your partner,’ Gigi says.

She adds that some people go back and forth on opening and closing their relationships, while others open their relationship for a few years then close it again because they’re done with that part of their sexual exploration.

‘It’s completely fine to do and doesn’t make you boring,’ Gigi shares. ‘It doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything wrong.

‘After many years, relationships shift, they change, they never stay stagnant.

‘And what works for you at one point in your life may not work in another.’

Complete Article HERE!

Pride 2022

Happy Gay Pride Month!

gay-pride.jpg

It’s time, once again, to post my annual pride posting.

In my lifetime I’ve witnessed a most remarkable change in societal attitudes toward those of us on the sexual fringe. One only needs to go back 50 years in time. I was 17 years old then and I knew I was queer. When I looked out on the world around me this is what I saw. Homosexuality was deemed a mental disorder by the nation’s psychiatric authorities, and gay sex was a crime in every state but Illinois. Federal workers could be fired merely for being gay.

Today, gays and trans folks serve openly in the military, work as TV news anchors and federal judges, win elections as big-city mayors and members of Congress. Popular TV shows have gay and trans protagonists.

Six years ago this month, a Supreme Court ruling lead to the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the whole country.

The transition over five decades has been far from smooth — replete with bitter protests, anti-gay violence, backlashes that inflicted many political setbacks, and AIDS. Unlike the civil rights movement and the women’s liberation movement, the campaign for gay rights unfolded without household-name leaders.

And yet some still experience a backlash in the dominant culture. I don’t relish the idea, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. And while we endure this be reminded that it won’t smart nearly as much if we know our history. And we should also remember the immortal words of Martin Luther King, Jr. “The moral arc of the universe bends at the elbow of justice.”

In honor of gay pride month, a little sex history lesson — The Stonewall Riots

The confrontations between demonstrators and police at The Stonewall Inn, a mafia owned bar in Greenwich Village NYC over the weekend of June 27-29, 1969 are usually cited as the beginning of the modern Lesbian/Gay liberation Movement. What might have been just another routine police raid onstonewall.jpg a bar patronized by homosexuals became the pivotal event that sparked the entire modern gay rights movement.

The Stonewall riots are now the stuff of myth. Many of the most commonly held beliefs are probably untrue. But here’s what we know for sure.

  • In 1969, it was illegal to operate any business catering to homosexuals in New York City — as it still is today in many places in the world. The standard procedure was for New York City’s finest to raid these establishments on a regular basis. They’d arrest a few of the most obvious ‘types’ harass the others and shake down the owners for money, then they’d let the bar open as usual by the next day.
  • Myth has it that the majority of the patrons at the Stonewall Inn were black and Hispanic drag queens. Actually, most of the patrons were probably young, college-age white guys lookin for a thrill and an evening out of the closet, along with the usual cadre of drag queens and hustlers. It was reasonably safe to socialize at the Stonewall Inn for them, because when it was raided the drag queens and bull-dykes were far more likely to be arrested then they were.
  • After midnight June 27-28, 1969, the New York Tactical Police Force called a raid on The Stonewall Inn at 55 Christopher Street in NYC. Many of the patrons who escaped the raid stood around to witness the police herding the “usual suspects” into the waiting paddywagons. There had recently been several scuffles where similar groups of people resisted arrest in both Los Angeles and New York.
  • Stonewall was unique because it was the first time gay people, as a group, realized that what threatened drag queens and bull-dykes threatened them all.
  • Many of the onlookers who took on the police that night weren’t even homosexual. Greenwich Village was home to many left-leaning young people who had cut their political teeth in the civil rights, anti-war and women’s lib movements.
  • As people tied to stop the arrests, the mêlée erupted. The police barricaded themselves inside the bar. The crowd outside attempted to burn it down. Eventually, police reinforcements arrived to disperse the crowd. But this just shattered the protesters into smaller groups that continued to mill around the streets of the village.
  • A larger crowd assembled outside the Stonewall the following night. This time young gay men and women came to protest the raids that were commonplace in the city. They held hands, kissed and formed a mock chorus line singing; “We are the Stonewall Girls/We wear our hair in curls/We have no underwear/We show our pubic hair.” Don’t ‘cha just love it?
  • Police successfully dispersed this group without incident. But the print media picked up the story. Articles appeared in the NY Post, Daily News and The Village Voice. Theses helped galvanize the community to rally and fight back.
  • Within a few days, representatives of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis (two of the country’s first homophile rights groups) organized the city’s first ever “Gay Power” rally in Washington Square. Some give hundred protesters showed up; many of them gay and lesbians.

stonewall02.jpgThe riots led to calls for homosexual liberation. Fliers appeared with the message: “Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!” And the rest, boys and girls, is as they say is history.

During the first year after Stonewall, a whole new generation of organizations emerged, many identifying themselves for the first time as “Gay.” This not only denoted sexual orientation, but a radical way to self-identify with a growing sense of open political activism. Older, more staid homophile groups soon began to make way for the more militant groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

The vast majority of these new activists were under thirty; dr dick’s generation, don’t cha know. We were new to political organizing and didn’t know that this was as ground-breaking as it was. Many groups formed on colleges campuses and in big cities around the world.

By the following summer, 1970, groups in at least eight American cities staged simultaneous events commemorating the Stonewall riots on the last Sunday in June. The events varied from a highly political march of three to five thousand in New York to a parade with floats for 1200 in Los Angeles. Seven thousand showed up in San Francisco.

11 Signs You May Be Bisexual & Common Myths About Bisexuality

By Stephanie Barnes

The word “bisexual,” for many, still exclusively brings to mind a person attracted to both men and women. That was the dictionary definition for decades, but as public discourse has evolved to finally acknowledge the vast number of gender identities that exist, that definition no longer feels specific or broad enough to capture the full range of experiences of bisexuality.

Today, our understanding of bisexuality has evolved along with our understanding of sexual attraction and gender identity. As people are finally able to embrace a seemingly infinite number of identities and ways of being, we need language to expand to hold us, or at the very least give us something to hold on to. The word “bisexual” is a perfect example of this shift.

What does bisexual mean?

In the most general sense, the term bisexual refers to anyone who experiences a romantic or sexual attraction toward more than one gender, which can include women, men, nonbinary folks, and other genders, as well as both cisgender and transgender folks. Bisexuality is not binary.

According to Angélique “Angel” Gravely, M.Ed., an LGBTQ+ educator and advocate, some bisexual people define their attraction in more specific ways, but the one thing that holds true for all definitions is that they indicate being attracted to more than one gender in some way.

“The most important thing to remember when it comes to defining bisexuality is that there is more than one accurate definition of bisexuality and more than one valid way of experiencing attraction as a bisexual person,” she tells mbg. “Bisexual is a label that has room for multiplicity, and that multiplicity is what makes the bisexual+ community beautiful and diverse.”

How common is bisexuality?

According to a 2016 report from the CDC, 1.9% of men and 1.3% of women identified as “homosexual, gay, or lesbian,” while 5.5% of women and around 2% of men said they were bisexual. A 2021 report from Gallup also found that about 55% of LGBT adults are bisexual, meaning that bisexual folks make up the single largest group within the LGBTQ+ community.

Since there is still so much prejudice in the world against LGBTQ+ folks, these numbers are likely lower than the reality; some are still fearful to “come out” or acknowledge their sexual orientation publicly. 

Common misconceptions:

Myth No. 1: The bi- in bisexual refers to the traditional gender binary.

One of the biggest misconceptions surrounding the bisexual community has to do with the prefix bi-, which means two. Dainis Graveris, a sex educator and founder of Sexual Alpha, says, for a long time, this is how many people defined bisexuality—that it’s only focused on the attraction to two opposing genders (men and women) within the binary.

“However, bisexuality does not mean attraction to cis-male and cis-female [people] only. It could also encompass romantic, emotional, and sexual attractions to nonbinary people,” he explains. “Many people who identify as bisexual are attracted to genders beyond the binary—specifically, attraction to gender like your own and toward genders different from yours.”

In short, you can be both bisexual and nonbinary, and being bisexual can include attraction to nonbinary people. 

Myth No. 2: Bisexual people are attracted to everyone, all the time.

This is another harmful stereotype, according to Graveris, even though it’s rarely accurate. Someone identifying as bisexual doesn’t mean they’re walking around experiencing some form of attraction to everyone they meet (just like how heterosexual women aren’t necessarily attracted to every single man they meet, for example). It also doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be more sexually promiscuous.

Graveris adds that there are some bi folks who have a split 50/50 attraction to two genders, but more often, bi folks are more interested in certain genders than others.

“Either approach is totally fine, and it’s very much normal to have a change of feelings over time. You see, being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be attracted to two or more genders at the same time, in the same way, and to the same degree,” he adds.

Myth No. 3: It’s just a phase…

Another common misconception about bisexuality is that being bisexual is just an experimental or transition phase, and that these people are going to “come to their senses” and eventually come out and choose one gender over the other, according to Graveris. This is false and also continues the binary of sexuality and gender.

“Never invalidate your bisexual identity, feelings, and experiences. Remember that no two bisexual experiences are the same,” he emphasizes. “Bisexuality is a unique identity. Your bisexual identity is valid. You are valid.”

Myth No. 4: Bisexual people are more likely to cheat.

It’s also a common belief that folks who identify as bi are more likely to be unfaithful. Graveris says there’s no evidence pointing out that bisexuality and cheating go hand in hand.

“Bisexual people build relationships just like any other person. If they stay in a monogamous relationship, they’re [just as] likely to be faithful as anyone else. Being faithful is a choice; cheating is a choice, regardless of gender,” he says.

Signs you may be bisexual:

1. You have conflicting feelings toward another gender.

Like any sexuality, bi feelings can be confusing—especially if you’ve grown up in a traditional household or have preferred one gender for most of your life. Graveris says you may now find that you’re questioning yourself, perhaps because you’re finding yourself with feelings for someone of a different gender. Rest assured that “these feelings are entirely normal. Over time, you’ll get some clarity over your confusion when you begin to explore your desires and feelings,” he says.

2. You’ve found yourself thinking characters in movies, series, and TV shows are hot—regardless of their gender.

“Perhaps you’ve started noticing attraction to both or any gender when you were younger. While this isn’t a surefire sign that you’re bi, it could help you begin an internal conversation about what you really want,” Graveris says. (Note: Some bisexual people are attracted to men and women, though for some bisexual people, the genders they’re attracted to may not necessarily include both men and women.)

3. You relate to a new bi character on your fave show…

…or you get a sense of pride when a famous star comes out as queer or bi. Although these two examples don’t immediately mean you’re bi, they could be good indicators.

4. You fantasize about people of different genders.

Graveris says, while some fantasies aren’t meant to be enacted upon or might not mean anything much, there might be a reason you can’t stop thinking about people of different genders in your fantasies or dreams.

5. You see yourself having a long-term relationship with someone, regardless of gender.

Visualizing having a long-term partnership with someone of any gender is a good sign that you’re bi. You might be more comfortable with one specific gender over others, but if you could see yourself dating people of different genders, that may signal some bisexual inclinations.

6. The “bi” label resounds to you.

When you think about all it entails, you realize you identify with the label and think it perfectly fits how you experience romantic and/or sexual attraction. If you’re comfortable using and being called this label, it’s a good sign that you’re bi.

7. You take the stigma personally.

Graveris says a good indication that you might be bisexual is if you find the unfair portrayal or stigmas toward bisexual identities hurtful and take them personally. Unfortunately, he says, bi folks have been subject to scrutiny from outside and even inside the LGBTQ+ community.

“If you feel hurt when someone questions your sexuality or claims that it’s nonexistent or feel attacked when someone says that bisexuality is just a phase, you just like sleeping around, or you’re not straight/gay enough, then you might be bi,” he says.

How bisexuality relates to other identities.

Bisexual vs. pansexual.

Bisexuality and pansexuality are incredibly closely related and sometimes even used interchangeably. Some people embrace both, while some prefer one over the other. We’ve got a whole guide to the difference between bisexual and pansexual, but the gist: “Bisexual incorporates gender while pansexual does not,” says Carmel Jones, a relationship coach and founder of The Big Fling. “To be pansexual means that gender doesn’t factor much (if at all) into whether you are attracted to someone. Their attraction is to the person, regardless of their gender. But bisexuals register gender in their attraction to someone and recognize that they are attracted to more than just one gender.”

Asexuality.

Asexuality means there is a lack of sexual attraction and/or desire toward others in general. This is not gender-specific, but an asexual person might still have specific genders they’re more romantically interested in or would be open to having some sort of physical intimacy with. “You can also identify as both asexual and another sexuality, leaving it open-ended. Some people call this graysexual, and it signifies very little sexual attraction,” Jones says. In other words, yes, you could be both bisexual and asexual.

Romantic orientations.

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same thing, says Jones, and someone can be sexually attracted to some genders and romantically attracted to others. So, a person could be heterosexual but biromantic, for example.

Other terms to know.

  • Queer: The dictionary defines queer as something “odd, strange, or weird,” but the word has since been reclaimed and redefined. These days, queer is an umbrella term that is sometimes used to describe anyone within the LGBTQ+ community. The term also provides a sense of community for those who may not fit into one of the other categories specifically but also don’t identify as strictly straight or strictly cisgender.
  • Multisexual: An umbrella term for any sexual identities that include romantic and/or sexual attractions to more than one gender. This can include bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, queer, and others.
  • Omnisexual: Someone who is attracted to people of all genders, and for them, gender plays a huge role in that attraction.
  • Bi-curious: Someone who is looking to explore or has already begun exploring bisexuality. There’s some disagreement about whether this term has roots in biphobia, however.
  • Heteroflexible or homoflexible: A heteroflexible person is mostly straight (heterosexual) though occasionally attracted to the same gender or other genders. A homoflexible person likewise is mostly gay (homosexual) though occasionally is attracted to the “opposite” gender. For example, a heteroflexible man might primarily date and sleep with women but occasionally date or sleep with a man. Like with bi-curiosity, there’s still ongoing debate over whether these terms are rooted in biphobia.
  • Skoliosexual: Someone who is attracted to anyone who isn’t cisgender. This means a skoliosexual person will usually find themselves drawn to people who are trans or nonbinary.
  • Fluid: Some people describe themselves as sexually fluid. A person who is fluid experiences their sexuality or sexual identity as changing over time or in different contexts rather than having one finite way they experience attraction.

These terms and many, many more can be found in our huge glossary of sexual identities.

What’s the point of all these labels?

According to sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes, for some people, labels can provide comfort and validation of something they experience to be true for them. Identifying with labels in sexuality can be incredibly supportive in naming your experience and finding comfort in relating to others who may feel the same.

“It’s human nature to want to feel belonging and acceptance, and labels can often be a wonderful and valid way to understand ourselves and find acceptance and belonging in our experiences. Identifying with a label that feels good to you can feel incredibly empowering and affirming to define yourself,” she tells mbg. “[Some people] identify with multiple labels, and sometimes they prefer to use terms that act more as an umbrella term without truly defining what the label is (fluid, queer, pansexual, etc.).”

On the other hand, labels aren’t the only way to feel this way. In fact, for others, labels can actually create the opposite feeling of comfort because they may feel constraining and restrictive and don’t support the experience they feel. Some folks feel like there aren’t any labels that feel good to them. So, if you’re having a hard time connecting to labels, Menezes suggests ditching them altogether.

“Sometimes folks grow and evolve, and finding new labels that match the experience can feel exhausting. The human experience of sexuality is incredibly diverse, and sometimes there isn’t a label that feels right, and so the most empowering thing to do might be to ditch the labels and just do you,” she says.

Additionally, Menezes says, “There really isn’t a one-fits-all when it comes to labels, but there is a one-fits-all around the choice in deciding what feels the most empowering to you, and that is: Take what you love and leave the rest. You get to choose what feels right for you.”

Dating when you’re bisexual:

1. Be true to who you are.

It’s OK to be upfront with potential new partners about your identity, says Antonia Hall, a transpersonal psychologist, sex educator, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. Bisexual people can sometimes feel like they need to hide that part of themselves from dates due to the stigmas around bisexuality, but Hall says it’s important to release that shame. “Do not let societal pressures shame you for your personal sexual preferences.”

2. Be prepared for questions (and ignorance).

But remember, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. There are people in the world that are simply behind the times, says Jones. “When dating, just remember that curiosity and ignorance might come into play, and be prepared for that. But it’s important to know that your sexuality is your business, and you never need to justify yourself to anyone. If you are in a dating scenario where you are justifying, overexplaining, or feel uncomfortable, that person is not compatible for you.”

3. Take it slow.

“If you are newly exploring your bisexuality, it is fine to take small steps until you feel more comfortable dating multiple genders,” Hall says.

Jones also recommends taking things slow. It can feel exciting (or nerve-wracking) to enter an unfamiliar dating world, but taking things slower will help you explore it on your terms. It’s not going to happen overnight, and there’s a chance you may get rejected here or there. But hey—that’s how dating goes regardless of sexuality! So, remember who you are, what you want, and that the best experiences happen when you feel comfortable and work on your own timetable, she says.

4. Create a list of nonnegotiables.

“When you are new to navigating the bisexual dating world, it can feel as if the world is your oyster sometimes, and other times like nobody understands you. This pressure can then cloud your judgment when it comes to finding the right person,” says Jones. “Make a list of dating bottom lines that you can always refer to, regardless of the gender of the person you are dating.”

Supporting the bi+ community.

When it comes to supporting the bi+ community, many people need to start by letting go of judgment and releasing the stigma. A lot of what contributes to biphobia and bi-erasure are harmful cultural ideas and narratives around bisexuality, Menezes says. 

“Biphobia is a form of homophobia toward folks who identify as bisexual or bi. It’s important to challenge harmful beliefs and stories society has created around bisexuality. Bisexual folks face a lot of challenges in the LGBTQ community as well as the straight community, and part of supporting the bi community is educating and learning about some of the issues and challenges bi folks might face,” she says.

Biphobia can be found in all communities: Bisexual folks are often fetishized by the straight community and not queer enough for the queer community. Often this leaves folks who identify as bisexual feeling invalidated in their experiences and identity.

So if you want to support the bi+ community, start by pushing back against the harmful stereotypes and bi-erasure. “That can range from calling out biphobic comments you hear in conversation to advocating for your local LGBTQ+ organizations to provide tailored supports for bi+ people,” Gravely says.

Menezes says it’s important to create more spaces for celebrating bisexuality and to uplift the voices of bi folks in both LGBTQIA+ spaces and everywhere. It’s also important to educate yourself. Interact with bisexual folks, creators, and resource centers. You can start by spending time on websites such as Bisexual Resource Center and Bi.org, Gravely says. 

Ultimately, Gravely says supporting bi+ people comes down to acknowledging they exist, affirming their bisexual+ identities and experiences, and fighting with bi+ people to create a world where they can exist without fear of discrimination or stereotyping.

The takeaway.

If you think you might be bisexual, then take some time to explore the idea. See how the label feels. Your sexual identity doesn’t make you who you are, but they are a part of the whole self—which means it’s important to explore. It’s also important to know that you don’t need to claim a label immediately or ever. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery.

In general, when it comes to bisexuality and all its nuances, it’s time to release those outdated definitions and the stigma rooted in misconception and ignorance. Show up for the people in your world as they need you to, and hold space for them as they continue to become.

Complete Article HERE!