Category Archives: 3-way

Nothing beats threes

David
My wife and I have wanted to add a third person to our relationship. Would you have any advice for us on how we could do this? Is this something that you could assist us with? We are in our mid forties and wanting to do this with someone we can trust.
Please help.

Hey David, try using the search feature in the header. Type in 3-way and/or swinger. You’ll find a wealth of information (both written and audio) on the topic you raise.

Here’s a taste of what you will find:3way-78516707835_xlarge

Trying new things can be really fun especially when your playing with people you like and are turned on by. I’d suggest you keep the event light and breezy. Too many people try to script a 3-way to within an inch of its life, and that can ruin the whole damn thing. At the same time, just hooking up for quick shag can be a little too impersonal.

There is another way. I suggest that you, your wife and the potential partner start your encounter by getting a bite to eat together. A little food and a couple cocktails can be a great start to the adventure. No doubt all three of you will be a little nervous, so make this part of the outing sexy and flirtatious. Each of you could practice your seduction skills on each other. In doing so, you will soon discover the sexual hierarchy…and there always is one in these kinds of encounters. If there are any ground rules for the encounter, this is the time to mention them. You and your wife should have discussed this ahead of time. The more you discover about your potential partner in this non-sexual, but seductive environment the more prepared ya’ll will be for how the rest of the evening will play itself out.

If it were I, I’d want to get a sense of how experienced the other person is at having a 3-way. Other important questions; are either you or your wife bisexual? Is the person you are inviting to join you bisexual? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, you can be assured that the dynamic of the 3-way will be fundamentally different than if none or only one of you is bi.

Be sure to inquire about the sexual fantasies of your prospective partner and share some of your own. In most situations, all the partners in a ménage are equal. Make sure that your potential play partner knows what turns each of you on. You’d be wise to know in advance what turns him/her on as well. That will make the event go a whole lot smoother.

There are some fine videos in my How To Video Library on the topic. Look for the Video Library tab in the header, then search for 3-way or swinger.

Here’s another tip: I’ve done several podcasts with seasoned swingers. All these conversations are part of the Sex EDGE-U-cation show, don’t cha know. This series of interviews takes a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative lifestyles. We touch on topics both familiar and exotic. And I chat with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world. Here’s a fine example: The founder of Life On The Swingset, Cooper Beckett and his ever so lovely podcast co-host, Ginger. All these conversations about consensual non-monogamy are fun and informative. Don’t miss miss them!

Good luck

SEX WISDOM With Katherine Frank — Podcast #386 — 08/14/13


Hello sex fans! Welcome back.Katherine Frank01

I’m delighted to continue the SEX WISDOM series today. After the last two weeks of chat with an up and coming therapist who is just beginning her sexological career, I am proud to welcome a woman of distinction in our field. My guest today is cultural anthropologist, sex researcher and noted author, Katherine Frank.

Katherine has distinguished herself as one who can tackle some of the thorniest issues of human sexual behavior with objectivity and compassion. Her three books as well as her numerous academic papers and popular articles provide us with an intelligent and intimate view of the sexual fringe. And she’s here today to tell us about her research and why she chooses to study what she does.

Katherine and I discuss:

  • Cultural anthropology and sex research;
  • Meanings and taboos;
  • Sex and the boundaries of our bodies;
  • Dispassionate observations and objectivity;
  • Participatory research;
  • Critical thinking, human nature and generalizations;
  • Fears, desires, and wounds;
  • Sex research and its repercussions;
  • Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex;
  • Breaking the rules;
  • The myths associated with group sex.

Katherine invites you to visit her on her site HERE!

Click on the book covers below for more information about Katherine’s books.

g-String     plays well

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

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First Q&A Show of 2013 — Podcast #360 — 01/21/13


Hey sex fans,black tie

Alrighty then! It’s time for our first Q&A show for the New Year. I have a whole bunch of very interesting correspondents vying for their moment in the sunshine, so to speak. Each one is ready to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

  • John is horny as hell and wants to jack off with other guys. I turn him on to Bateworld.
  • Rocky is gettin’ pounded pretty hard, afterward he can’t pee.
  • Holly hasn’t had a date in 48 years. She’s having problems connecting with a good man.
  • Brian is lookin’ to zap his hole.
  • Conner thinks his BF is jerkin off too much.
  • Michael has crystal dick.
  • Lili describes, in great detail, her sex life with her hubby.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: The Perfect Fit Brand!

A Word To The Wise

Name: DJ
Gender: Male
Age: 39
Location: Northern Minnesota
I’ve been in a gay relationship for almost 12 years now. My partner and I are very happy and I’ve been thinking about adding a new addition to our relationship just to spice things up a little bit. We were looking through the gay personals online and we found this guy who happens to be a patient of mine. He’s just our type. He’s a handsome, well built bear in his early 40’s. We’re considering contacting him, but we’re not sure if that would be crossing a line. So if you could give us some advice that would be great. Thanks.

Ahhh let’s see, the short answer is; yes, you would be crossing a line. Offering your patient a tryst, with you and your hubby would indeed be way on the other side of that line. Ya know the old adage, “Don’t shit where you eat?” Well, this is exactly like that, only completely different.

While I’m happy to support you and your man as you work toward opening your relationship by adding a playmate or two, the current object of your desires is, to my mind, inappropriate. I think it’s always ill advised for professional people in general, and healing and helping professionals in particular, to get involved (romantically or otherwise) with their clients or patients. There’s always the possibility of a conflict of interest, but more importantly, there’s the issue of propriety.

That’s not to say that this sort of thing doesn’t happen all the time. It does. But I think there are significant potential problems for you, the professional, as well as this other guy, your patient.

When I’m faced with a similar dilemma in my own life, I sit myself down with pen and paper and write out all the pros and cons of a hook-up, even a casual one, with someone I have a professional relationship with. Regardless of whether I know the guy through my therapy practice or by way of my production company; it’s all the same for me. These are lines I should not cross. But sometimes I need to remind myself of that.

So with my pad and pen at the ready I quickly jot down the “pros” of the hook-up. These are always so easy to enumerate. He’s hot, he’s charming, he’s fun to be around, he’s got a great personality and a wonderful sense of humor and he’s single. Hell, he may even be hot for me…although that’s less likely these days, now that I’m an old fuck. But hey, it could happen! So if I only consider the “pros” this appears to be a match made in heaven. What could possible go wrong with this idyllic picture? WAIT!

That’s where the “cons” come in handy. They are the bane of my existence, but they also keep me out of harms way. If I’m struggling to come up with a list of “cons”, I simply conjure up, in my fevered little mind, the worst relationship I’ve ever had. Frankly, this isn’t a particularly difficult thing to do, because I’ve had some duesies in my time, don’t cha know. The reason I let my mind dredge up the sordid past like this is so that I can remember how bad things can get when a sex connection goes south. I do this to create a worst-case hook-up scenario so that I can imagine what it would be like if the guy in question was not just an unfortunate choice on my part, but he was also a client or porn pup on the rise.

With just this little mental prompting my “cons” category begins to grow and grow. This exercise pretty much puts the kybosh on my ardor and I happily forgo the pleasure of the company of the man in question. Is it possible that I’m overreacting, that the hook-up could have turned out to be a sheer delight? Absolutely! But, being the kind of guy I am, with the bum luck that I have, I’d just as soon not take the chance that it won’t. I have a reputation, checkered as it might be, to uphold. And screwing around with the wrong guy is bad enough; I don’t need the added complication of him thinking that I took advantage of him given my professional association with him.

I invite you to do the same sort of exercise yourself, DJ. First create a column of “pros.” Why does this forty-something, handsome, well-built bear patient of yours with the online profile make a great candidate for a playmate. I’ll bet that you and the hubby already have this all figured out. Now, create your “cons” column. Try to imagine all the awful things that could happen as a result of a sex connection that goes bad — ya know, the jealousy, the bitchyness, the backbiting, the rumors, stuff like that. And when you consider that he’s being invited to a manage-a-trois, well you can triple the risk factor. Like I said, the object here is to create the worst-case scenario. Screwing around with the wrong guy is bad enough; you certainly don’t need to add the complication of him thinking you took advantage of him given your professional association with him. If things go bad and he brings this little encounter to the attention of the medical board, you’d be in a heap of trouble.

Of course there is always the option of terminating your doctor/patient relationship before the fuck. In this case I advise there be at least a two-month hiatus between the end of your professional relationship and the start up of the sexual relationship. However, if I was your patient, and you offered me this option, I’d choose to maintain the professional connection we have. I’d be flattered by your interest in me, but I’d know that it’s much harder to find a good doc than it is to find a sweet bone….even in northern Minnesota.

Good luck

Twosies beats onesies, but nothing beats threes

Name: Therese
Gender: female
Age: 30
Location: Galveston
My husband and I are thinking about maybe trying a threesome. It’s been a big part of our fantasy life together for several years. We enjoy imagining ourselves with other people when we’re making love to each other. We probably would have acted on this before, but we know that having a fantasy is not as risky as trying the actual thing. What are your thoughts?

My thoughts? Well, going on the number of threesomes and group sex questions I’m getting from straight folks lately; I’d have to say that ya’ll are finally discovering what most gay folks have known for a long time — 3-ways and group sex can be way fun and a potent tonic for a flagging partnered sex life.

Threesomes and group sex are not all that tricky, especially when both partners in the primary relationship are up for the experimentation. And you guys sound like you’ve been priming the pump, so to speak, for some time now. Yeah it’s true, these things can blow up in your face, but that risk exists in just about everything we do. And I am of the mind that nothing ventured is nothing gained. But I also suggest you guys come up with a strategy on how to minimize the chances of being disappointed.

I’d begin by dialing down expectations. If 3-way sex has been part of your marital fantasy life for a while, I’d be willing to guess that these fantasy encounters are always fun and always successful, because they are the products of your imagination. If you go into a real 3-way with those kinds of expectations you could be disappointed. Reality doesn’t always live up to fantasy. The actual thing, as you suggest in your message to me, may not be as fantastic. But you’ll never know without trying. I always think it’s better to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised when they are exceeded, than to be disappointed when high expectations aren’t met.

You guys need to decide on some ground rules well in advance of the possible encounter. Among the things you ought to consider are:

  • What will you look for in the additional partner.
  • Will it be another woman, another man?
  • Does it matter?
  • Who gets to choose the other partner?
  • Do either or both of you get to veto a perspective playmate?
  • Will the choice be spontaneous, or will you leave nothing to chance?
  • Will you interview for the position, or just put yourselves in harms way, so to speak and go with the flow.
  • Where will you look for these prospective partners?
  • Will you search online?
  • Where will the event take place? At your place, or somewhere neutral, like a hotel?
  • In terms of the sex itself, are there things that will be off bounds?

The more you know about all these things, the smoother the encounter will go.

Gay guys have it easier when it comes to 3-ways and group sex. First, they tend to have defined roles, like being primarily a top, or primarily a bottom. They are also gonna be playing with other gay or bi men. Things are not so easy for ostensibly straight folks, because including a third person will mean adding someone of the same sex as one of the partners. So straight folks have to ask themselves what will be the configuration of the play? Will it be just straight sex — all play directed toward someone of the other sex? Or will it include play directed toward someone of the same sex. Lot of straight guys get off on the idea of watching two chicks get it on, but would never contemplate mixing it up with another dude. So you see where you’ll have to be careful in choosing your playmate. If he or she has a different understanding of the group encounter, there will be problems.

That’s why I always suggest that before an encounter actually happens, it would be good for you to tell your perspective partner what your boundaries are. Also you’d be wise to discover what turns on your prospective playmate. Investing in this discovery process will save possible embarrassment later.

Once the 3-way encounter begins, there is an etiquette ya’ll ought to adhere to. First and foremost is don’t leave anyone out. If you sense there’s an inequity in the amount of play one partner is getting as opposed to another, then that’s a recipe for disaster. If someone seems to be losing interest during the sex play, then start paying that person a little more attention. Of course you guys might just set up a 3-way so one of you can watch the other play with someone else. Ya know, kind of cheering on from the sidelines, as it were. While that may not technically be a 3-way as most people understand it, this kind of set up is very common.

If your interest goes beyond a ménage à trois to, lets say a foursome or possibly a group, much of the same considerations as in a 3-way apply. But since you’re gonna be dealing with even more bodies, personalities and sexual proclivities, more caution is advised. And unless you’re a swinger, or can tap into your local swing set, these situations may be hard to find.

Good luck

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