Gay men reveal the fetishes they don’t want others to know about

Kinky gay men who are open and honest with partners are more likely to have better mental health

By Joe Morgan

Gay men have revealed the fetishes they don’t want others to know about.

XTube surveyed their users to determine and rank which fetishes they get turned most on by.

The winner was ‘partialism’, also known as a fetish for a particular part of the body. This could be anything from feet to a hairy chest.

Role play was second on the list, while narratophilia (or dirty talk) was third on the list.

The answers was collected from over 3,000 gay or bisexual men over the age of 18.

Fetishes

The full list:

1. Partialism (9.54%)

2. Role play (8.24%)

3. Narratophilia [or dirty talk] (7.55%)

4. Uniforms [firefighters, soldiers etc] (7.41%)

5. Bondage (7.31%)

6. Submission (7. 3%)

7. Exhibitionism [sex in a place you can get caught] (6.28%)

8. Voyeurism [watching others have sex] (4.7%)

9. Maschalagnia [armpits] (3.4%)

10. Macrophilia [someone being bigger than you] (2.79%)

11. Olfactophilia [smells and odors] (2.52%)

12. Clothing fetishism [leather, rubber] (2.14%)

13. Underwear fetishism [jockstraps, etc] (2.01%)

14. Ablutophilia [baths, showers] (1.78%)

15. Technosexuality [robots, toys etc] (1.4%)

16. Medical fetishism [doctors etc] (1.36%)

17. Podophilia [feet] (1.24%)

18. Coulrophilia [clowns] (1.11%)

19. Sitophilia [food] (1%)

20. Pygophilia [bums] (0.79%)

21. Transvestophilia [wearing clothing typically worn by the opposite gender] (0.65%)

22. Toonophilia [cartoons] (0.3%)

Kink and mental health

If you are kinky, psychotherapists advise to share it with your partners if you already have good communication.

Also, some studies say people who do engage in kink are more likely to have positive mental health.

Deborah Fields, a kink-specialist and psychotherapist, told Gay Star News: ‘[There are studies that say] people who are kinky are more likely to be ok with themselves. People who are kinky tend to have better mental health than people who are not.

‘It’s a hard one to judge. I see a lot of mental health issues. However, do I see any more mental health issues than those outside of the kink community. No.

‘I think what kinky people do is talk more. We have to talk about our shit more than someone that doesn’t. You’re negotiating consent. That community, we, are more likely to discuss things and be open about mental health upfront. The idea of being risk-aware is also including mental health.

‘Research says we’re quite ok. However, there’s no widespread research that has yet to look at the kink community.

Complete Article HERE!

Yes, Your Fetish Is Totally Normal

Fetishes are way more common than you might realize—here’s how to explore yours in a healthy way.

By

Kinks and fetishes are less taboo than ever—ours is a post–Fifty Shades of Grey world where BDSM has become mainstream and shows like Broad City, Hot Girls Wanted, and Slutever have helped normalize everything from pegging to cannasexuality. It’s real progress, but it doesn’t erase the fact that for many of us, fetishes can still feel totally weird or even shameful.

The first thing you should know: Fetishes are much more common than you might realize. Nearly half of participants in a representative survey published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2017 reported being into something psychologists consider outside of the “normal” range on the sexual spectrum. An earlier survey taken in 2015 found nearly half of participants had tried public sex, a quarter had tried role playing, 20 percent said they’d experimented with BDSM, and 30 percent said they’d tried spanking.

That doesn’t mean you have to jump straight into a BDSM dungeon if you think you might have an unexplored fetish. The idea of dripping hot wax over someone’s body or having a toe in your mouth can feel a little bit…intimidating. Maybe even scary or weird, so take it as slow as you need.

Here is everything you need to know about what a fetish is, how to know whether your fetish is normal, and the healthy ways you can incorporate it into your sex life.

What is a fetish?

The simplest way to define fetishes according to sexologists: usually nonsexual things that ignite sexual feelings in a person. “A fetish is sparked when things that seem completely normal bring you great sexual satisfaction and pleasure,” says Daniel Saynt, a sex educator and founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW). You can have a fetish for a thing (perhaps being attracted to feet), or a place (as in having sex in public); you can even have a fetish for a texture, such as latex.

By definition, fetishes fall outside of the sexual “norm,” but that doesn’t mean every out-there sexual desire qualifies as a fetish. There’s a line separating a fetish from something that you’re just kinda into. To be considered a true fetish, the object or act must be a part of a sex act for you to get turned on. If you enjoy the occasional or even regular spanking, for example, that doesn’t mean you have a spanking fetish—people with a true spanking fetish need that act of domination to get off.

So where do these sexual kinks and quirks come from? “Most fetishes are thought to be learned behaviors in which a person comes to associate a given object with sexual arousal through experience,” says Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want. That may come from childhood or adolescence, or you might stumble upon a fetish as a sexually experienced adult. “You may not know you’re into a fetish until you try it,” adds Saynt, “which is why I always encourage people to try new things and be curious.”

Is what I’m into normal?

Most of us can relate to having a sex fantasy that feels downright weird, but most of them are totally harmless and fine to explore. If you have a thing for fishnet stockings and your partner agrees to wear a pair to help get you off, go for it. If you get turned on by feet and enjoy watching foot porn while you masturbate, you do you. Totally normal fetishes include everything from age play to gagging and golden showers.

A fetish crosses the line when it harms another person in any way and/or violates consent. For instance, pedophiles have a fetish for children, but this is not in any way healthy or OK—acting on this fetish is both completely illegal and morally repugnant. Frotterism, when someone gets pleasure from rubbing up against someone else in a crowd, can also be deeply problematic for the same reasons. Violating another person in any way is never OK and should be reported immediately. “If you have strong, recurring fantasies about an activity that is nonconsensual and/or poses a serious risk of harm to you or others—and especially if you’re concerned that you might act on this fantasy—it’s worth seeking help in the form of professional counseling,” says Lehmiller. “Find a credentialed and certified sex therapist in your area. They’re the ones who will be most well-equipped to help.” To find a qualified therapist, check out the The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.

Fetishes can also become detrimental to your sex life if they get out of hand. If it feels like your fetish is taking over your life or keeping you from having healthy relationships, or “you’re seeking it like an addict might seek their next fix,” that’s a problem, Saynt says. In these cases, it’s also worth reaching out to a sex therapist who can help you deal with shame, anger, and overwhelming compulsions that might arise from a fetish.

How to have a healthy relationship with your fetish

If you’re looking to add your fetish for feet or bondage into your sex life, you can definitely do that in a way that’s healthy and positive.

The first step: opening up to your sexual partner about what you’re into. With so much shame and stigma around fetishes, this can admittedly be difficult—it might take some time. “A useful place to begin is by sharing some of your more ‘vanilla’ sex fantasies first and perhaps acting on some of those,” Lehmiller says. “This will allow you to build up trust and communication skills at the same time, which can lay the groundwork for introducing more adventurous fantasies later.”

As you experiment, always check in with your partner to see how they’re feeling. It’s important that both of you are feeling comfortable and sexually satisfied.

What to do if your partner really isn’t into it

If you experiment with fetish and find your partner really isn’t into it—or they find it straight-up weird—that’s OK. Not everyone is going to have the same turn-ons. Still, it’s important to have an open and honest discussion about it. Shaming a partner for what they are or aren’t into is not a productive way to move forward in a relationship.

If you can’t agree on a fetish, Saynt suggests talking about ways to incorporate your fetish into your sex life in a way that doesn’t directly involve your partner. If your partner isn’t down with golden showers, ask if they’d be comfortable watching porn that involves pee play.

You can also spend some time experimenting sexually with your partner—maybe you can discover a new fetish or kink you can both enjoy.

Complete Article HERE!

Undressing for Success in the Bedroom

by Michael J. Russer

Here is one simple thing you can do that will tremendously enhance your lovemaking and bond for each other…

Undressing for Success

What I’m about to share with you has led to countless hours of exquisite lovemaking and a deeper emotional bond and appreciation between my partner and me. It is so ridiculously simple that it is probably the reason many couples have never even considered it as an intimate ritual that could make such a huge difference. I say this because we only stumbled upon it after a particularly playful episode one evening together. Since then it has become such a powerful component of our relationship that we use it every single time we are together…

Frenetic Disrobing

I suspect that most couples have experienced the lust-laced frantic ripping of each other’s clothes off in a moment of unbridled passion. Yes, it is exciting, breath-taking (literally) and usually very short-lived –as is the coitus that typically follows. This is a phase that eventually succumbs to a more subdued process of self-disrobing before any of the exciting stuff happens.

Part of what drives this frenzied first stage of sexual entanglement is the novelty of exploring each other as new lovers. Where expectation and arousal combine into a highly combustible mixture of erotic adventure, discovery and explosive release. Which can be incredibly exciting while it lasts. However, because its very foundation is based upon the newness of the relationship, it will eventually fade.

My Partner and I have been together for about three and a half years and enjoy an 001extraordinary intimate life that only gets better over time. This is a significant fact because most couples will likely admit that their initial honeymoon period represented the most exciting phase of their physical relationship. One of the reasons that ours continues to achieve new heights of passion and pleasurable fulfillment is that we are constantly exploring what is possible. And, we are always listening to our sensual intuition in this regard.

One intimate ritual we discovered quite by accident and in a spirit of playfulness is the way we undress each other. We do this before we make love, before we take a shower together, before retiring to bed with no thought of sex and as we change clothes our before we go out on the town. In other words, any time it is required that we need to get naked for any reason whatsoever we follow this ritual. And the payoff has been and continues to be enormous for the health and mutual enjoyment of our overall relationship.

Slow, Sensual and Present

We make a point of always being fully present any time we do anything together. This means ridding our minds of distraction, agendas, goals, expectations and simply being there for each other in the moment, the Now. It is within this very sensually fertile environment that we conduct our mutual disrobing ritual.

We usually start out facing each other practically nose-to-nose as we gaze into each other’s eyes in acknowledgement of our mutual love and appreciation. Then we typically start lightly stroking each other’s fully clothed bodies as if our hands needed to first get a lay of the land so-to-speak on what should come off first.

Where we start really doesn’t matter. What does make a difference however is that we slowly and sensually undress each other while in this state of full presence. We find that when we remove a piece of the other’s clothing (which happens simultaneously) and do it very slowly, it builds an enormous amount of sensual energy between us. Just the feel of a blouse or shirt slowly lifting off and lightly rubbing our skin as our Partner does it with full intention while they look longingly at what is being slowly revealed can be almost overwhelmingly powerful. And, that’s a potential trap if you are not careful or being fully present. That’s because this heightened state of arousal can easily devolve into the more frantic shedding which will definitely break the spell.

Once the first of our garments are removed we typically take a while to lightly caress and kiss each other in the exposed areas. This is accompanied by soft, gentle kissing where our lips are barely touching yet megawatts of sensual energy is passing between them. Then we continue the process of slow, thoughtful mutual undressing and caressing / kissing until we are standing together fully nude.

A very, very sexy variation of this that we often apply is when we look in a large mirror observing each other doing this. In these instances, our caressing is often more overtly sexually explorative and designed to ignite our sensual imaginations. Despite the fact that we’ve done this many times, it still gets me extremely hot just thinking about it as I write this.

Granted, not every couple may want to see each other naked in the glaring light of a brightly lit room. If this is the case, then consider turning down the lights or even off. Use your imagination, hands and lips as the tools of exploration as you go through this mutual undressing ritual. In either case, lights on or off, you will find this to be a deeply connecting experience that keeps things fresh (since each time is unique) and juicy.

What if You Don’t Want to have Sex?

Of course, this practically begs the question as to why a couple would bother with this ritual if they have no intention of following it up with sex. And my answer to that is “Why not?”. Consider this for a moment: If you and your partner could do something every time you are together that resulted in re-kindling passion, desire, love and appreciation for each other, why wouldn’t you?

I think women in particular appreciate this kind of sensual gift that doesn’t always have to lead to sex. And guys, this is an important point. It is not uncommon for women to hesitate kissing a long-term partner for fear that he may get the idea she wants sex when in fact she just wants to express love and affection.

002So imagine the impact to your relationship (no matter how many years you’ve been together) if you were to include this ritual even for reasons that did not always end up in having sex (i.e. getting dressed up to go out on the town). By doing so you build an enormous bank account of trust and appreciation within your Partner. And, you are both likely to enjoy each other far more when you do have physical intimacy. Trust me, that buildup of sensual energy lasts a long time. Now granted, this can be difficult to practice if you are always in a hurry. If that is the case, just plan ahead to set aside the time to do it right.

So here’s my challenge to you and your Partner. Incorporate this ritual for the next seven days any time you are both together and your clothes have to come off for any reason whatsoever. And then let me know what that did for your relationship by emailing me directly at contact@MichaelRusserLive.com. I would love to hear from you!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained –and believe me, there is a whole world of intimate adventure to be gained awaiting you both.

Complete Article HERE!

The Big Tease; How to Strip for Someone Special

Here comes another one of my Sexual Enrichment Tutorials

Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being stripped out of our daily wear and into something sexy. or nothing at all, is one of life’s big turn ons. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. In fact we all could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living.

Few of us are natural born exhibitionists. The majority of us don’t know squat about how to slink out of our clothes without looking ridiculous. Like they say in the business, real strippers are born not made. OK, so most of us aren’t naturals, and I include myself in this group. But that doesn’t mean we can’t pick up a few of the finer points of this ancient art form and apply them to our own situation.

First and foremost, we’re gonna have to leave as many of our inhibitions and body issues as possible at the door. If you’re so self-critical as to think you’ll be absurd if you try, you mind as well drop the whole freakin’ thing right here. But if you’re into having some fun, even if it’s at your own expense, then step right up, cuz we’re gonna make you a star!

If you plan on stripping for someone you know well, like your partner; you probably already know a lot about what turns him or her on. Ya know, those little sexual peccadilloes we all have — fishnet stockings, a g-string and high heels, a white jock, leather chaps, armbands, and a cowboy hat, a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt, anklets and Mary Janes, things like that. These things well be the building blocks of your outfit. Remember you will be stripping down to something before there is nothing left to remove. So consider your theme and then layer from there. Each successive layer removed should reveal an even more tantalizing layer underneath.

• Don’t wear something that’s gonna be a bitch to take off.
• Have enough layers to keep the show interesting

Next consider the venue for your show. Since there’s gonna be a whole lot of dancing around, you’ll want the space to be big enough so you don’t have to cramp your style. At the same time you’ll want the environment to be warm and intimate. Set the mood with the proper lighting. And your venue must include some kind of sound system, even if it’s a portable boom box.

Either arrange your space so that your audience is seated in the middle of your performance area — so that you can slink and shimmy around him/her. Or consider a little homemade stage with curtains that you can use as part of your performance

Think about props — a chair or stool al la Cabaret works. You’ll want something to taunt your audience with; a seductive hat, a feather boa, a ridding crop, gloves — opera length or leather. There are even collapsible dancer poles available online for a touch of the authentic.

  • Keep the venue simple. You’re the star, not the space.
  • Mood lighting is essential; it’ll make or break your show!

The next consideration is the music. This is really important element to a successful show. A miscalculation here will fuck up your whole routine. Go the distance and compile a few different tempos on a tape, CD or MP3 player to really impress your audience. Arrange your music so that it will automatically flow from one tempo or song to the next. Move from a faster disco tempo at the beginning of your show — to get you and your audience’s blood pumping. Then a slower tempo Soul or Rhythm and Blues number for gettin down to business. Don’t choose something too slow or maudlin, it’ll destroy the sexy mood and the interest of your audience.

  • Your music selections should drip with sex.
  • Don’t interrupt your show to change the tape or CD.

To add an air of authenticity, adhere to strict strip club rules. Your audience is not allowed to touch you. And you are prohibited from directly touching your audience. Keep your communication non-verbal. Your audience must remain seated throughout. These rules will enhance the tease effect. If you want to heighten the effect, consider restraining your audience with a little erotic bondage. A silk handkerchief, or a satin scarf works to secure his/her hands and feet. Or you could always pull out all the plugs and get yourself some swell bondage gear online. I’m thinkin’ some leather restraints and cuffs will do the trick.

  • The strip is to tease and entice. So be naughty as well as nice.
  • You control the show and the audience.

When you’re ready to begin the show, start your music and seductively move or dance towards your audience. Let him/her have a good look at you and you’re outfit — front and back. Approach your audience then gyrate in front of him/her. Be sure to include some deep bending front and back. Let your audience get a load of the goods! Get as close to your audience as possible without actually touching. Close enough for him/her to smell you, or for you to swipe him/her with something you’re wearing. This is where a nice boa or leather flogger will come in handy.

Continue to tease and taunt and keep moving. Squat or use one of your props to lean against or partially sit and seductively open your legs or show your ass. Keep you hands busy on your body, stroking yourself, reaching into your outfit to fondle yourself. Feel free to touch your audience, but never with your hands, only with your props.

  • Completely dominate your audience through visuals.
  • Please through tease.

After this initial dance, move away from your audience and start the main show; the strip. When you shuck each article of clothing, don’t just remove it; tease with it. Toss each discarded article to you audience, or drag it over him/her. Being unable to touch you will enhance his/her sense of smell. Use this to your advantage. Wipe your clothing on your body before tossing it to your audience. The more intimate articles: bra, stockings, underwear, jock or what have you could be wrapped around his/her head and face.

Strip slowly and erotically; reveal only an inch or two of skin at a time. If you are about to reveal something on your front, turn your back on your audience first. If you’re gonna reveal your ass; start by facing your audience, then seductively turn around.

  • Build on the anticipation. Make your audience want more.
  • Stay in rhythm with your music.

Then, once you’re completely naked, approach your audience and present yourself in all your glory. You should be deliciously sweaty and aroused by now. Using one of your props, a dildo perhaps, wipe your breasts, your crotch and bring it close to your audience’s face. Try a lap dance or pull his/her face into your breasts or crotch. Get on all fours and seductively loosen his/her clothing. Your audience will still bound to his/her chair, so you can have your way with him/her. While on the floor use your feet to stroke his/her crotch.

Turn up the heat by masturbating for your audience. Tease or lick your audience’s tits, finger her pussy, or diddle his cock. As your show concludes untie your partner and lead him/her to a full-on fuck.

Good luck