Everything You’ve Wanted to Know About Foot Fetishes

— But Were Afraid to Ask

Professional dominatrixes and fetishists open up about foot worship, their favorite shoes, and more.

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When it comes to sexual attraction, we all have our own specific things that turn us on. For some, a good sense of humor does the trick, while others are all about physical chemistry. Others still have more specific turn-ons, including feet. This attraction is called a foot fetish, and to answer some common questions about it, Allure spoke with some men who proudly have foot fetishes and professional dominatrixes. They have plenty of interesting things to say about our southern-most appendages, from explaining the whole spectrum of foot fetishes to the reason for all the foot love in the first place.

In our conversation, foot fetishists explain what foot worship is, they talk about their favorite pedicure colors, and dominatrixes talk about what they’ve learned from some of their clients. Even if you’re just interested in cute pedicures, Goddess Aviva, a New York City-based pro-domme, has plenty of foot-care secrets to share. And what better time to learn about all this than on I Love My Feet Day, a real holiday that occurs every year on August 17? Our feet carry us around all day and they deserve all the love they can get, so read on for a celebration of feet like no other.

What does a foot fetish typically entail?

“When someone has a foot fetish it means they sexualize feet to the point they become a strong trigger for arousal. For some, it’s as extreme as there needing to be feet involved in order to experience sexual pleasure or climax,” Goddess Aviva tells Allure. Though it’s not necessarily true for everyone with a foot fetish, she says that some people with foot fetishes need feet to be involved in a sexual experience to achieve sexual gratification. If feet aren’t involved, they simply aren’t interested.

As for what a foot fetish actually entails, she describes it as a spectrum. “On the gentler side, perhaps your partner enjoys kissing or massaging your feet, and on the more extreme side, you have foot-gagging, stinky foot worship, and trampling,” Aviva explains.

What is foot worship?

Kevin, a 45-year-old foot fetishist from California, explains that for some, it’s all about worshipping a woman by paying special attention to her feet. “I absolutely have a foot fetish and love massaging and worshipping women’s feet,” he tells Allure. When asked what his ideal fantasy is, Kevin says, “You’re soaking in my antique clawfoot tub after I’ve drawn a bath for you filled with sea salts and lavender oils, bubble bath, as you drink sparkling champagne.” That doesn’t sound too shabby.

woman in heels pulling up stocking

If you find yourself dating someone with a foot fetish, you can likely expect many foot massages in your future. The fetishist may also share an exceptional love for pedicures, which is why pro-dommes such as Aviva put such care into their foot routines, and their efforts do not go unnoticed. “My favorite pedicure color is red or hot pink,” Brent, a 29-year-old from Rhode Island with a foot fetish, tells Allure.

How does a foot fetishist experience submission?

While it’s all about the love for some, for others, foot fetishes are more about being submissive and may involve humiliation. “Not only do I have a foot fetish, but I also have a bondage fetish. I love to be tied up, having no say at all, and having a mistress have her way with me,” Brent explains. Men such as Brent may enjoy being forced to lick and smell feet, ideally ones that are stinky and sweaty.

“There’s something special about forcing someone to massage, lick, kiss, and smell my sweaty feet, while I have their hands tied, a leash on their neck, and there’s no hope for escape,” says Ms. Tomorrow, a professional dominatrix based in Nashville.

Are some foot fetishists intrigued by shoes?

In conjunction with an attraction to feet, many people with foot fetishes are also into shoes, socks, and stockings — anything that wraps around the foot. “I have submissives who are very shoe-oriented. These submissives really get off on tying shoes and heels to their faces, to be immersed in the smell. They will also insert their penis (I mostly work with clients who have penises) into shoes, and use shoes as a masturbatory aid,” Ms. Tomorrow says. She elaborates that she has a few clients who are shoe specific: Some only like heels, others are exclusively turned on by old, dirty boots. A few of her clients prefer clogs, house slippers, ballet flats, or sandals.

Shoes aren’t the only wearable item of interest. “There is a wide variety of oddly specific foot fetishists — same can be said for sock fetishists,” Ms. Tomorrow tells Allure. “Socks stuffed into the mouth as a gag, dirty socks to be cleaned, even wearing certain kinds of socks can be a part of sock-focused kink play.”

Why are foot fetishes considered so taboo in mainstream society?

Though foot fetishes are sometimes thought of as taboo and those with them are often kink-shamed (especially those who lean toward the stinky, sweaty end of the spectrum described by Goddess Aviva), there’s another side to them many people don’t think about. You may relate to wanting to make your partner feel good by rubbing and massaging part of their body, such as their feet, or are excited about the idea of dating someone who wishes to do this to you.

Foot fetishes are just another way to be vulnerable with another human being when you get down to it. We walk around on our feet, all day long, and they carry us through most of our lives, and we ought to give them more credit. The intimacy of getting close to such an important part of the body is precisely what arouses foot fetishists, especially those who are also submissive.

“Physically being under someone’s feet is as low as you can be, which is a beautiful metaphor for power dynamic. I also love when my submissive can make me feel good with foot massage and worship,” Aviva explains. “Our feet carry us all day long, and they deserve a lot of love and care. It’s a beautiful thing when someone can give you that love and care as an exploration of their foot fetish.”

Now, regardless of your partner having a foot fetish or not (and regardless as to whether you have a partner or are totally single), is anyone up for a Netflix-and-foot-massage night? Happy “I Love My Feet Day,” everyone.

Complete Article HERE!

How to talk about a kink or fetish with your partner

— Being honest about our sexual desires can feel like sharing a secret – here’s some tips on how to broach the conversation

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When telling your partner about a particular kink or fetish you have, here’s some pretty solid advice: “Don’t sit them down to tell them you’ve ordered vampire gloves and a fuck cage and that you want them to use them on you.”

At least, that’s what Lucy* recommends, who believes that it’s better to start small. BDSM is a spectrum, after all. Lucy’s kink is rough sex (but “only with the right man”) and being dominated. Before vocally broaching this with existing partners, Lucy tends to hint at these desires during sex. “If you like your hair pulled, or think you’d like it, make lots of noise of pleasure if they put their hands in your hair,” she suggests. “Give your partner confidence; tell them what’s amazing with your voice, sounds, body, and reactions.”

She’s also into shibari, a form of rope bondage that centres on visual aesthetics, but usually brings this up a little later – and eases them in. “I explain how liberating and freeing I find being tied up,” says Lucy. “I use life-drawing classes as my comparison, and show them pictures of me clothed in a non-sexual dynamic with my rigger.”

Although new partners tend to figure out their shared politics, values, and relationship goals early on, for many, discussions about sexual desires tend to come later – if at all. Combine this with the fact that many non-‘traditional’ sexual practices still remain taboo, and suddenly, being honest with your partner about your desires can feel like a daunting task.

“Telling a partner about a fetish can be like sharing a secret,” says Judith Langer, a sexologist who works at the sex-positive community JOYclub. “We make ourselves vulnerable, and that requires courage. This might be the first time you have openly spoken about your kink, it might be less common, you may even be unsure of your own feelings, and you might be uncertain about how your partner will react. All of these factors can understandably cause anxiety.”

Still, that doesn’t mean you should shy away from sharing the secret – after all, vulnerability can make for a stronger relationship and a more intimate sex life. Plus, your partner may share your desire and it’ll be another way you connect. Or, they might not; but that doesn’t mean they’ll react badly, nor that the two of you are destined to be sexually incompatible.

Before you talk to your partner about a kink (something that increases your pleasure, but isn’t essential) or fetish (something that you need for arousal and pleasure), you might want to explore kink for yourself first, especially if it’s new to you. This can involve watching different types of porn, exploring materials, smells, sounds, or aesthetics that you find pleasurable, learning about the kink via podcasts, articles, talks, or classes, and experimenting with solo play. “Doing a little bit of this on your own can better equip you for having conversations with a partner,” says Sophia Rose, a London-based facilitator, educator, and artist working with consent, rope bondage, kink, and sexuality. “Consent and getting in touch with our limits and boundaries starts with ourselves.”

There’s no right way to then share this interest with your partner, and the way you approach it will depend on your relationship to them, your sexual history, whether you’re sharing a kink or a fetish, and what type of kink or fetish it is. Having said that, there are some general tips that are worth considering.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Find Out What She Likes in Bed

— The Top 10 Questions to Ask

By Ivy Cosca>

Having sex is healthy. Most experts also agree that it’s beneficial to couples — it’s basic human nature! Plus, who doesn’t want to see their partners enjoy sex? It’s easy to navigate your way while getting it on in the bedroom. However, communicating with your partner to find out what she likes in bed is easier — just ask her!

If you’re not sure which questions to ask to find out what she likes in bed, we got you! Here are 10 ways to find out what she likes in bed (not necessarily in order):

Ask your partner these questions to find out what she likes in bed:

1. “How do you like to be kissed?

Sex or no sex, kissing is an intimate act — not only can it oftentimes be a wholesome act, but it’s also a great way to show your emotional and physical admiration for her. But what’s important to know is how she even wants to be kissed in the first place.

Asking her how she likes to be kissed may not sound that important, but you can find out what she likes in bed by getting to the details of how she likes kissing and being kissed — how much tongue does she like? Does she enjoy her lower lip lightly bitten or sucked? What’s her preferred pace?https://www.laweekly.com/how-to-find-out-what-she-likes-in-bed/

Moreover, even though kissing is commonly done, some women don’t like being kissed at all! If she’s one of those people, respect her preference — it’s probably not because of you. But if it is you, then this question is even more relevant to ask — because you’ll find out how you can improve your kissing game.

2. “Do you like to give oral sex?”

To some women, going down on their partner can be intimidating — because not a lot of them are confident with their fellatio skills. If this is the case, you can reassure her or teach her how you prefer receiving oral sex. But if she’s just not into it, that’s her decision to make.

But if she does like giving oral sex, then, well…it’s a win-win for you two!

3. “Do you like being on the receiving end of oral sex?”

Again, oral sex — some women like giving it, some women like receiving one, and some just don’t! One reason a woman doesn’t like receiving oral sex is because they’re insecure about the “odor” that they think they have down there. If this is her reason for having an aversion to cunnilingus, let her know that the vagina isn’t meant to smell like roses — and there will be a certain scent that shouldn’t be considered “foul!” Unless, of course, she has an infection — if so, that should be treated right away!

Another reason for a woman not wanting to be on the receiving end of oral sex is it simply just doesn’t do anything for them — some might even feel that their clitoris can get “overstimulated.” On the other hand, if she doesn’t mind cunnilingus, then, there’s another act that can amp up your sex life!

4. “What makes you orgasm?”

Women climax to different triggers. Some like their nipples played with, some prefer clitoris massages, others need g-spot or cervix stimulation — other women also get off to anal sex. Regardless of which one it is, it’s important to find out what makes her orgasm. Isn’t that the ultimate goal anyway?

5. “How do you feel about having sex in public places?”

If you and your partner agree that public sex is a “yay,” and you guys plan on doing it, find out first the laws in which the sex act will be committed. Public sex is common and it’s typically done in planes (aka the mile-high club), cars, parks, and so on. It’s generally harmless when no one catches you in the act, but, in California, public sexual activity is an offense.

The California penal code 647(a) states that it’s a crime to “engage in or to solicit anyone to engage in lewd or dissolute conduct in any public place or in any place open to the public or exposed to public view,” Therefore, when engaging in public sex, you and your partner should be very careful. It’s also best that you’re aware of the possible repercussions if you get caught!

6. “Are you into threesomes or group sex?”

Group sex is a common sexual fantasy — and lots of folks also engage in one. If you or your partner is into threesomes or group sex, discuss first who and how you’ll get other people to join the ”party!” What will the situation be like? — MFM? MMF? FFM? FMF? Are you and your partner exclusive? Will it remain that way afterward? These are the few questions that you and your partner should discuss.

But if you’re not into threesomes, group sex, swinging, or polyamory, in general, you don’t have to engage in one! She also has to respect your decision, if so — and so should you with her decision, if she’s the one who refuses to participate in those aforementioned non-monogamous sex acts.

7. “Do you like using sex toys?”

Adult toys have made their way into countless women’s nightstands. But if your partner doesn’t own one, doesn’t plan on owning one, and she’s not open to being stimulated by one, then you can stick to — uhh — sticking your own junk inside instead.

On the other hand, if she does like sex toys, then sex can become even more exciting — because you’ll have a device (or two, or more!) to help you make her achieve an orgasm!

8. “What’s your favorite position?”

Sometimes, we have to go back to basics: a simple switch in position is enough to make a woman orgasm! You just have to find out what she likes in bed by asking what her favorite position is! Whether it’s eye contact from an intimate missionary position, or she likes to receive it from behind — for maximum cervix stimulation — there are creative ways to make her climax.

9. “Are you into sexting?”

Turning her on doesn’t always have to involve physical contact. Sometimes, sexting is enough to make her want you in the bedroom ASAP! But find out first if she’s into that. Furthermore, ask her how she feels about dick pics, sending her nudes, or if she also wants to send you some.

10. “Do you have preferred erotic acts, kinks, fetishes, or sexual fantasies?”

In essence, penetrative sex is the act of repeatedly thrusting the penis inside a woman’s orifice — be it the vagina or the anus. But most people don’t settle with just that! That’s why it’s practically normal to have sexual preferences, fantasies, kinks, and fetishes — even if it’s simple hair-pulling or spanking. Additionally, some are into, say, shower sex or dirty talk.

Some women also like being tied up or blindfolded — and other women prefer doing these to their partner instead. Regardless of what it is, she probably has one erotic act that she enjoys doing — or be done to her. Just like you!

Speaking of kinks…

However, some kinks, fantasies, or fetishes have to be thoroughly thought of before you and your partner perform them — some of them may be commonly done, and they sure as heck wouldn’t be common if they weren’t enjoyable to many, but there are possible dangers to some sex acts.

Here are common sex acts and kinks you can ask to find out what she likes in bed, and the potential consequences:

Age gap kink

Age gap kink, DDLG (Daddy Dom, Little Girl), or as the internet calls it: the daddy kink! Some women like to role-play that they’re being dominated by someone older than them — or someone who will simply just dominate them. But it also depends on her fantasies about how big the “age gap” will be and how sexually aggressive their “Daddy” will be. In some instances, it’s she who wants to role-play as the older person — or be called “Mommy” in some situations.

However, make sure that the age gap kink remains a kink or act of role-play — under no circumstances should either party involve an actual minor! According to Searah Deysach, a sex educator based in Chicago, in her interview with Insider (regarding the age gap kink), “It’s important to note that an age gap kink involves consenting adults (not children) pretending to be younger than they really are,”

Role-playing as a minor (whether it’s her or if she asks that it be you) isn’t necessarily a “red flag,” but the actual involvement of a minor is a serious, serious crime that can inevitably land you both in jail!

Foot fetish

Foot fetish involves performing sexual acts using the feet. But sometimes, the feet are the “main event.” Some women like her feet adored, and some like her feet tickled, licked, or stimulated. Now, a foot fetish is far from dangerous. If she has this fetish, and you’re willing to give it a go, just make sure that you guys are licking each other’s clean feet! It harbors tons of bacteria!

Choking

Choking, erotic asphyxiation, or breath play seems to be another trending topic or widely-discussed kink on the internet. It involves cutting off the oxygen supply to the brain — which enhances sexual excitement. This can be a safe sexual act if you know how to properly perform it. If she’s into choking, and you’re willing to perform it on her, do your research first on how to properly sexually choke someone!

The United States National Library of Medicine published a journal and they estimate that 200 to 1,000 people die from erotic asphyxiation every year. Therefore, we cannot stress it enough: do your research first!

BDSM

You can say that BDSM is one of the few all-time favorite kinks! That’s why if she’s into BDSM, or Bondage, Discipline (or Domination), Sadism, Masochism, you shouldn’t be too surprised! Lots of sexual acts fall under the BDSM category. Therefore, there isn’t a single act to define what it is — or what she would want you guys to do.

However, again, BDSM is supposed to involve non-dangerous or non-permanent ways of inflicting mild to moderate pain or discomfort for erotic purposes. Thus, one should be very careful when performing BDSM with your partner. Have a safe word!

All in All,

The best way to find out what she likes in bed ultimately boils down to one thing: communication. Whether she’s your wife, girlfriend, or FWB, it’s important to find out what she likes in bed — so you guys can make the most out of your experience and both of you achieve la petite mort! Because neither of you deserves an uncomfortable one — and definitely not a risky one!

Complete Article HERE!

20 common sexual kinks

— And why it’s totally normal to have a kink

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  • There’s nothing unusual about having a kink — some evidence suggests half the population has one.
  • A few examples of kinks include bondage, impact play aka spanking, discipline, and role play.
  • Before exploring kinks with your partners, start with consent, communication, and clear boundaries.

As any pleasure-seeker or social scroller knows, a kink isn’t just a knot in your neck. It also refers to your sexual preferences.

“A kink is a sexual interest that is outside of the ordinary,” says certified sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, founder of The Millennial Sexpert and educator with Lovehoney.
Of course, what qualifies as ordinary sex — or vanilla sex — varies by person, as well as cultural context, and so does what qualifies as kinky.

“It’s entirely subjective,” Frye-Nekrasova says. Some individuals might say they have a doggy style kink because they like to hit it from the back, for instance. Meanwhile, others might say they’re kinky because whips and chains excite them. Still, about half the population reports having interest in at least one non-vanilla sex act.

Note, however, that a kink is different from a fetish. While a kink expresses an interest in a sexual act, “a fetish is a fixation on an object or body part for sexual gratification,” Frye-Nekrasova says.

To put it simply, a kink is something you do to get turned on, while a fetish is a thing you need to get turned on.

Semantics of kink versus fetish aside, there’s no shortage of things people might be into in the bedroom (or, uh, dungeon). Below, kink educators explain 20 of the most common kinks, outlining why someone might think it’s hot and sharing tips for your own sexperiments.

1. Age gap

An age-gap kink is a kink for role play where adult-aged folks act out, and are turned on by, fantasies that involve a difference in ages, says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of Early to Bed, an education-focused sex shop in Chicago.

For instance, one partner might play “baby” and put on a diaper, while the other plays “Mommy” or “Daddy” — this dynamic in particular is known as “daddy dominant–baby girl.” One partner might also pretend to be a college-aged student, while another pretends to be a professor.

“It’s important to note that an age gap kink involves consenting adults (not children) pretending to be younger than they really are,” Deysach says. Any illicit contact or conversations with minors is a felony.

2. Bondage

Bondage is the B in “BDSM.” In full, “the acronym stands for bondage, discipline/dominance, submission/sadism, and masochism,” Deysach says.

At its most distilled, “an individual interested in bondage when they are interested in being restrained or restricted, or restraining or restricting their partner,” says Lisa Finn, a sex educator with sex-toy emporium Babeland.

Bondage can involve anything from ropes and ribbons to zip-ties and saran wrap, and it may appeal to folks for a variety of reasons.

“Some people like the aesthetic of a restrained body, others like the sensation of the bondage material on their skin, and others like the way it reinstates power dynamics,” Finn says.

3. Cock and ball torture

Cock and ball torture, sometimes known simply as CBT (not to be confused with cognitive behavioral therapy), is a fetish marked by the desire to have pain inflicted on your own penis or testicles — or the desire to inflict said pain.

“This pain can be achieved through pulling, stretching, or even stepping on one’s bits,” Deysach says.

CBT may also involve the use of cock cages, urethral sounding, genital flogging, and more, and she says.

4. Cuckolding

Someone has a cuckolding kink when they enjoy watching their partner have sex with other people — either in the same room, or via Facetime or video, Deysach says.

Historically, the term was used specifically to refer to married men who wanted to watch their wives have sex with other men, but according to Deysach, the term can be applied to folks of any gender, sexuality, or marital status.

“The thrill of watching your lover have sex with another person is something that folks across the gender spectrum can find exciting and kinky,” Deysach says.

Typically, when someone uses the term cuckold, it implies that humiliation is involved, she says. For some people, the act of watching a partner have sex with someone else — for instance, someone with a larger penis or more sexual skills — is humiliating, and it’s this emotional sensation that turns them on.

“But for others it can be a more open term just to refer to the thrill of watching your lover partner with another while you sit on the sidelines,” she says.

5. Discipline

According to Finn, discipline is a form of roleplay where certain acts are framed as “corrective” or as “punishment.”

This kink often involves a more dominant partner setting rules or expectations for a more submissive partner— and if the more submissive partner breaks those rules, there are consequences, Finn says.

These consequences can include physical acts like spanking or other impact play or mental and emotional acts like humiliation or testing their partner, according to Finn.

To be super-duper clear: “Disciplinary play is a form of roleplay — it shouldn’t actually be used as a way to resolve conflict with real-world repercussions,” Finn says.

6. Dominance

The D in BDSM can also stand for “dominance.”

Dominance is the act of consensually taking control or holding the power in a scene or sexual dynamic with their partner, Finn says.

While a dominant partner plays the role of “Large and In Charge,” the submissive partner should still always have autonomy over the situation, Finn says. For instance, they may negotiate the scene before play and use safewords and gestures throughout.

7. Erotic asphyxiation

Erotic asphyxiation, AKA breath play, is the act of controlling how much access you have to oxygen for the sake of power, play, and pleasure.

“When someone is choking you, they could seriously hurt you, even kill you,” says sex educator Zachary Zane, author of “Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto” and sex expert for Momentum Intimacy. This involves an element of absolute submission to that partner, he says.

Many people also enjoy the physical sensations often associated with being deprived of air, such as tingling, a spreading warmth, and quickened heart rate.

“There’s a high many people experience from it when they do finally get a gulp of air,” he says.

8. Foot fetish

A foot fetish is marked by a sexual interest in feet, which can be the entirety of the foot or focused specifically on the toes, arch of the foot, or ankle.

Some people are turned on by servicing feet, Frye-Nekrasova says, which can be accomplished with a foot massage or at-home pedicure, for instance. Other people are turned on by the idea of doing something “dirty” — feet, after all, are usually the part of the body that touches the ground and dirt beneath.

“There are so many ways to incorporate feet into your sex life,” Frye-Nekrasova says. Some people like to give a footjob, which is essentially a handjob with your feet, she says. “Meanwhile, other people enjoy the sensation of having their toes sucked, or sucking,” she says.

9. Hentai

“Hentai refers to a specific type of Japanese illustration that often depicts overtly sexual scenes and scenarios,” Deysach says.

A popular porn genre, hentai erotica often features tentacled beings, monsters, and other-worldly creatures.

“There is often an element of force and control associated with hentai porn,” Zane says. For instance, hentai-inspired fantasy could involve an octopus forcing all of its tentacles inside the receiver’s hole(s).

10. Impact play

Impact play is the broad name for sex that involves the use of hands, paddles, whips, flogs, or crops on a partner’s meatiest, or most nerve-dense, parts.

“Impact types of play can involve light playful actions or more serious and painful sensations,” Deysach says. Depending on what the consenting parties have agreed to, the impact can be a form of punishment or just delivered as part of sensational play.

For some people, for instance, a light smack on the bum while riding their partner’s dick or dildo is adequate. Meanwhile, someone else might want to be smacked with a paddle hard enough that it leaves marks.

11. Knismolagnia

The word ‘knismolagnia’ may bring to mind mystery meat, but it’s actually the name for a tickling fetish.

Folks with this fetish are turned on by the sensation of being tickled by anything from human fingers and feathers, to vibrators or electrical stimulation toys.

In some instances, the person being tickled is also tied down, but not always, Finn says.

“A tickling fetish is unique because someone is smiling and laughing while they’re being tickled, even though it is uncomfortable and intense. There really isn’t any other kink where your body responds to discomfort with a reflexive laugh,” Zane says.

So generally, tickling is considered a more “playful” kink, though it can be very intense.

12. Lactation

Being very into a lover’s body fluids is quite common — and for some people, breast milk is one of those fluids.

“Some people find the miraculousness of the human body’s ability to create milk arousing. Other people are turned on by the rarity of the experience, since lactation generally only happens after a baby is born,” Frye-Nekrasova says.

According to Frye-Nekrasova, a lactation kink may also be tied to an age gap or age play kink, where someone feels aroused at the thought of pretending to be a breast-fed baby once again.

13. Masochism

The M in BDSM and the complement to sadism, “masochism is the act of erotic enjoyment in experiencing pain, humiliation, or intense sensation, ” Finn says.

The mental or physical pain associated with masochism can be delivered by yourself or by a partner, they say.

14. Pregnancy

Even though penis-in-vagina intercourse is (usually) required for an individual to become pregnant, there’s still stigma around pregnant people being sexual, Deysach says.

According to Deysach, some people are aroused by that stigma and feel naughty when they’re turned on by pregnant folks.

“Other people might have had a particularly electric sexual experience with someone who was pregnant and now mentally associate pregnancy and hot sex,” she says.

Pregnancy kinks can also include the eroticization of lactation, darkened nipples, swollen ankles, or any other signs and symptoms of pregnancy, she says.

15. Role play

Role play is a common kink that involves pretending to be someone other than who you really are.

“There are lots of reasons why someone might want to try role playing — for some people, it’s as simple as a desire to try something new and infuse a little excitement into their sex life,” Deysach says.

According to Deysach, shedding your day-to-day persona and “becoming” someone else can be a way to let go and enjoy sex more.

“It can be a thrill and it can be a comfort,” Deysach says.

16. Sensation play

Sensation play is the broad name for types of touch that involve stimulating your nerve endings in unique ways.

Sensation play can be done by experimenting with different temperatures — for instance, with candles, wax, or ice cubes, Finn says.

It can also be explored by teasing your nerves with tools like Wartenberg wheels, feather ticklers, or electrical stimulation wands, they say.

17. Tentacles

A tentacle kink refers to someone being turned on by the idea of being penetrated or otherwise sexually engaging with tentacles or creatures that have tentacles, Deysach says.

For some people, the eroticism comes from the slipperiness or the tactile idea of a tentacle, she says.

“For others the tentacle fantasy is connected to fantasies of being restrained by or being ‘forced’ into sexual situations by an otherworldly creature,” she says.

18. Urethral sounding

“Sounding is a sexual practice of inserting metal rods into the urethra,” says sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon with The Sex Toy Collective.

While urethral sounding can be performed on anyone with a urethra, it’s most commonly performed on the penis. The head of the penis is incredibly nerve-dense, and stimulating those nerves through urethral stimulation can be pleasurable for some people.

Plus, if you go deep enough you can touch the prostate, which may, in some cases, lead to a prostate orgasm.

19. Voyeurism

Voyeurism is a fetish where you get sexual gratification by watching other people engage in sex. It’s considered a complement to exhibitionism, where you find it arousing to have sex while other people watch.

Ethically and legally speaking, this kink can get tricky. “Folks spying on others without consent is a crime,” Deysach says.

However, it’s possible to set up consensual scenarios where you observe others having sex, she says. Consensual voyeurism could include attending sex parties, kink festivals, hiring a cam girl, or paying multiple sex workers.

20. Wax play

Sure, you’ve heard of lighting candles to set a mood — but wax play goes beyond creating an ambiance. Wax play is a type of sensation play that involves dripping wax onto your partner, or having it dripped onto you.

Some people are into wax play because it feels like dancing with danger, others are into it because the heat of the wax feels erotic when juxtaposed to the cool air of the bedroom.

Insider’s takeaway

Sex, no matter where it falls on the vanilla to kinky spectrum, is designed to bring pleasure — and that holds true whether sex is solo, partnered, or multi-partnered.

Adding elements of kink can be a wonderful way to infuse even more pleasure, intimacy, and spice into your sexy time.

Just be sure you and any potential partner(s) you’re exploring your kinks with prioritize consent, communication, and education over all else. “Before you try any kink, it’s best to educate yourself on how to explore that kink safely,” Finn says.

In a partnered setting, you also want to communicate about your individual limits and boundaries before getting down and dirty. Then, communicate from start to fireworks, they say. Communication, after all, is a prerequisite for pleasure.

Complete Article HERE!

Are fetishes acquired or inherited?

— On the origin of fetishes

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Fetishes are non mainstream sexual interests in non genital body parts, inanimate objects, or behaviours. But why do some people have fetishes while others do not? Are fetishes acquired, inherited, or both? This topic is debatable, but evidence suggests that fetishes may be inherited.

What are fetishes?

Using an extensive sample survey, Claudia Scorolli — an associate professor and researcher in the Department of Philosophy and Communication Studies at the University of Bologna — and her colleagues classified the objects of fetishism into three categories and six subcategories. The three categories are body, objects, and behaviours.

The six subcategories are parts or features of the body like feet or weight — including body modifications like tattoos; an object usually in association with the body, like shoes or headphones; an object not usually associated with the body like dirty dishes or candles; a person’s own behavioural habits like biting fingernails; the behaviour of other persons like smoking; and interactional behaviours like domination, humiliation, and roleplay.

Some may think fetishes are rare, as they are non mainstream sexual excitements. However, recent findings counter this belief. In a 2016 study of 1,040 Canadians, 26 per cent of participants reported engaging in some form of fetish activities at least once in their lives.

In other studies, over 60 per cent of male college students and more than 50 per cent of female college students reported fantasizing about a behavioural fetish known as BDSM — bondage, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism. These results may make it less embarrassing to admit and discuss fetishes.

Despite these statistics, fetishism was once considered to be a mental illness, similar to non heteronormative sexualities and non cisgender identities. But now, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, fetishism is considered a disorder only when it causes “significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” Gloria Brame, a sexologist and self-proclaimed fetishist, iterates that fetishism isn’t a hobby, but a legitimate sexual identity instead.

Unfortunately, fetishism researcher Giselle Rees has found that people with fetishes are still stigmatized and discriminated against as unhealthy, sick, or ‘crazy.’ Rees explains that one popular myth about people with fetishes is that they “need their fetish to have sex.” As such, those with fetishes are considered “abnormal.” However, Rees explains that people with fetishes can regularly engage in and enjoy conventional intercourse without their fetish.

What causes fetishes?

While initial theories claimed that fetishes resulted from early life experiences, later experiments contradict this thesis.

In 1966, Stanley Rachman — a psychologist at the Institute of Psychiatry, Maudsley Hospital and former professor emeritus in the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia — conducted a study to investigate whether a fetish was a conditioned response. Participants were first shown photographs of naked women, followed by a picture of women’s black boots. Following this, the image of black boots was found to induce sexual arousal successfully.

Anthropologist Katharine Gates theorizes that some fetishes are a result of simulation of the brain circuit involving smell and memory. Since the olfactory, memory, and emotion centres of the brain are tightly connected, a certain smell could become a trigger that connects with emotional contents and memories. This theory may explain air freshener fetishes, as well.

Further, neuroscientist Vilayanaur Ramachandran provides a neurological explanation for foot fetishes. In the brain, sensory information from the feet is processed adjacent to sensory information from the genitals. In this regard, there may be some “neural crosstalk” between these two brain areas. Fetishization is less likely to occur for body parts whose cortical representations are far from that of the genitals.

Do fetishes have a genetic component?

Fetishes tend to be permanent. In their 2007 paper, Scorolli and her team proposed that body-related fetishes may be genetic, while object-related fetishes may be more related to early-life events.

A behavioural fetish may reflect an individual’s personality. An example of such a personality trait is sensation-seeking. The Kinsey Institute’s research fellow Justin Lehmiller identified a pattern of interest in BDSM fetish among sensation-seekers.

Sensation seeking has a genetic basis related to the dopamine receptor D4 (DRD4) gene, which encodes the dopamine receptors that receive and relay biochemical signals from dopamine. A rare mutation of the DRD4 gene with 7-repeat sequences (7R) results in a version of the gene that encodes dopamine receptors less sensitive to dopamine. This means that people with the DRD4 7R+ allele need to participate in more thrilling activities to achieve the same level of pleasure as someone with the normal DRD4 gene.

Besides sexual fetishes, the DRD4 gene also influences several sexual behaviours, such as virginity status, sexual fantasies, sexual unfaithfulness to a committed partner, extra-relationship sex partners, and sexual novelty. In general, compared to individuals with the normal DRD4 allele, those with 7R+ are more active in sex and have more risky sexual behaviours.

This shows that there might be interesting evidence about behavioural fetishes as they relate to personality traits and their genetic basis, but more evidence is needed to corroborate and strengthen this relationship. For now, it appears that early life experiences, learned behaviour, neurological connections, and genetics all contribute to fetishism. With the progressive destigmatization of fetishism, there will likely be more research about the origin of fetishes.

Complete Article HERE!

Why are foot fetishes so common?

A global survey conducted by the sex toy brand Lelo further confirmed that feet are a big deal in the sack, beating out hands, hair and even breasts as the top body part

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Sexual fetishes are nothing new, but in recent years stigma around them has lifted somewhat.

People are more open to talking about what turns them on, with communities forming on- and offline so that likeminded souls can share their kinks.

In honour of Feet Week, we have looked into podophilia, the official term for foot fetishism.

As with most sexual appetites, there is no one standard – what makes one podophile tick might not work for another.

Some people prefer to involve senses beyond touch – getting turned on by the odour of smelly or sweaty feet – others like seeing a beautiful pair of feet in high heels and some might like to be ‘tooed’ (the foot version of fingering).

Scientific research around this fetish is severely lacking, as much of it is connected to singular cases, as opposed to studies with multiple participants, which give a wider overview of why some people get frisky at the thought of feet.

But there is some insight. One study from 2007, which looked at the frequency of fetishes and involved 5,000 participants, showed that ‘feet and objects associated with feet were the most common target of preferences’.

So if you like sucking on toes or kissing your partner’s ankles, you’re not the only one.

Other findings reveal a (somewhat loose) link between foot fetishes and a person’s childhood, with studies into children who are obsessed and/or (physically) aroused by feet.

A foot fetish doesn’t necessarily have to be about the body part in itself, but rather what it represents – its position, i.e. at the bottom of a person’s body. Feet are used in dominance play, and in this scenario, the sexual arousal could be a result of the humiliation or submission associated with our trotters.

A global survey conducted by the sex toy company Lelo further confirmed that feet are a big deal in the sack, beating out hands, hair and even breasts as the top body part.

‘As far as we can tell, it’s always been common, and references to it appear in early literature and art across the world,’ says Stuart Nugent, the brand’s sex expert.

‘The third century sophist Philostratus wrote in a love letter, “O feet unfettered! O unhampered beauty! Thrice happy me and blessed, if on me ye tread!” 

‘The reason why foot fetishism is so popular (and, yet, so under-discussed) is argued energetically by any number of specialists from all clinical backgrounds. ‘

According to Stu, there are three common lines of thought to explain our obsession with feet: the psychological, neurological and biological.

He explains: ‘A psychological school of thought suggests feet become fetishised because of early childhood imprinting and conditioning, where sexual responses are paired with non-sexual objects, like feet, very early in a person’s psychosexual development.

‘A neurological theory suggests that podophilia might develop because the feet and genitals occupy adjacent areas in the brain’s somatosensory cortex, and there might be some sort of neurological wires being crossed.

‘There’s even a biological theory that the characteristic scent of feet can trigger a hormonal reaction in some people. The truth is that the cause of foot fetishism is likely to include many different elements. 

‘Whatever the reason or the cause, there seems to be one outcome that practitioners find particularly attractive: the sensation of dominance and submission that feet represent.

‘This is due to the prevalence of podophiles being straight men worshipping women’s feet: this implies a subversion of traditional sexual and cultural roles which may offer the fetishist a highly sexualised inversion of stereotypes, the subversive nature of which is translated into sexual excitement.’

However, Camilla Constance, a sex and intimacy expert, says that while podophilia is common among men for the domination aspect, this is a Westernised view.

What’s more, our trotters are an erogenous zone, which according to her, is a huge part of the appeal.

‘From a tantric or “wholistic sex” perspective, feet are an incredibly erogenous zone in the body capable of being orgasmic on their own or contributing to exquisite blended orgasms,’she says.

‘A woman-centric approach to sex would always include “foot worship” because feet are a part of her body, all of which would be worshipped.

‘It is only in the narrow, Western model of sexuality, with its emphasis on male erection and penetration, that worshipping feet is seen as odd or kinky in some way.

‘So what is a completely beautiful and honouring act becomes, in our sexually confused society, a “fetish” to hide.

‘What I find interesting in the question is the implied separation of “sexual” parts of the body from “non-sexual” parts of the body, the implication being that feet are not “normally” sexual and thus the foot “thing” must be a recent creation.

‘I would challenge the assumption that we have areas of our bodies that are not sexual.

‘Our entire bodies, including our feet, are covered in networks of nerves that pick up not only touch, but energy, from other people. Feet have a particularly dense network of nerves making them particularly sensitive and potentially orgasmic.’

So, feet could lead to amazing orgasms – that’s one reason to like our trotters.

But Lucy Beresford, a psychotherapist who hosts a weekly phone-in sex and relationships show on LBC Radio, explains that podophilia is a more openly-accepted fetish for the simple fact that we’re so used to seeing this body part.

‘Foot fetishes are one of the more mainstream/popular fetishes mainly because everyone has feet, so we are used to seeing them, unlike whips or restraints,’ she says.

‘Nor do they have the negative connotations of, say, urine. Some people like the feet to be seen in sexy footwear like stilettos or boots, which again are mainstream products, unlike something like hand-cuffs.

‘A foot fetish allows for games of domination or submission to be played out using everyday objects.’

Speaking of objects, if you’re stuck in lockdown with no access to a nice pair of feet apart from your own, you can actually buy foot-themed toys online – including silicone mannequin feet.

Last year, someone took this a step further by creating a ‘foot vagina’ – which works like a fleshlight, so you can essentially have sex with the silicone toy.

If you fancy making a quick buck, you can even sell photos of your feet to others (so long as you don’t mind them using your tootsies as inspiration during wank sessions, that is).

And hey, if the thought of playing with feet puts you off completely, that’s absolutely fine.

Just pop on a pair of socks during sex and your lover will probably get the hint.

Complete Article HERE!

A beginner’s guide to foot play

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Feet are immensely popular in the bedroom.

In fact, a recent survey by the sex toy brand Lelo revealed that feet are the top body part to play with, apart from genitals.

But if you’re a newbie podophile – the official term for someone who is sexually aroused by trotters – it can be hard to know where to begin, or how to tell your lover that you want to worship their feet.

To help us explore this kink and the many ways it can be enjoyed, we asked sex experts to share their top advice.

Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, the sex toy website, explains that our feet are erogenous zones – these beauties are packed with 7,000 nerve endings (which is also what makes them so ticklish).

Enjoying foot play isn’t necessarily about having a foot fetish, as the latter can be linked to psychological enjoyment, with some people using feet as humiliation or power play.

So, how to begin… ?

How to tell your partner you want to try foot play

Camilla Constance, a sex and intimacy expert, explains that you need to create a safe space where there’s no judgement – focus on keeping an open mind.

‘Talking about what you truly desire is one of the most intimate things you can do,’ she says.

‘Creating a safe container to have this talk is critical, so you need to follow a few simple rules:

‘1. Whatever you say inside the container will be listened to with love and respect and not be used as ammunition in an argument at a later date. This is critical for building safety and trust. 

‘2. Inside the container you listen without interrupting or answering. That does not mean the person speaking gets to experience their desire, it means they get to express their desire.

‘I suggest you agree to talk in a place you both feel safe and unthreatened, e.g sitting face-to-face or next to each other in bed. You clear a period of time for each other, (no TV, no phone, no computer…) just the two of you.

‘And you take it in turns to ask each other to express your desires (everything you desire to experience in your sex/relationship), fears (everything that causes you fear, anxiety or worry in your sex/ relationship) and loves (everything you love about your partner).’

Once the chat is done – and if you are both happy to proceed with foot play – the fun begins.

Give an erotic foot massage

Grab a bottle of oil or lotion, and start with a foot massage – but make sure your trotters are fresh before you shove them in your partner’s hands.

Annabelle says: ‘Only do what you’re comfortable with and give them a good scrub clean first – maybe by sharing a shower.

‘Start by offering your partner a foot rub. Work from the feet up and then back down again.

‘Make sure you get those nerve endings switched on and ready for action.’

Talk before you take it up a notch

If you’re interested in trying the BDSM aspect of foot play, such as being a foot slave or something else that is on the more extreme end of the fetish, clear it with your partner first.

‘If the kind of foot play you’re looking for goes beyond the desire for a simple, romantic massage, then a conversation needs to be had up front about whether you and your partner are both comfortable with it,’ adds Stuart Nugent, sex expert at Lelo.

‘Make sure you’re on the same page regarding the dynamics involved, especially if there are elements of domination and submission implied by what you want to do, or have done.

‘This isn’t the time for surprises, and it’s the worst time to discover that a partner has a serious but secret aversion to feet.’

Kiss your way to the treasure

As Stu mentioned, the best way to fulfil fantasies – foot fetish or not – is to talk to your sexual partner.

However, if you want, you can also use your body, or in this case mouth, to hint at what you’re after.

Annabelle says; ‘Try kissing down your partner’s inner thighs, use your oiled hands to stroke their feet, gently kiss the arches of their soles and begin licking and sucking their toes.’

But pay attention to their body cues, if they start to flinch when you kiss their ankles ask before you proceed.

Set the mood

‘Let’s assume that you’re both comfortable with feet, that consent has been sought and obtained, and that you’re ready to start,’ says Stu.

‘Prepare the space indulgently and sensuously, with scented candles and mood-lighting, and with some background music.

‘Don’t overlook this, it can make all the difference – a foot massage can be highly erotically charged, but for it to work effectively, you need create the right atmosphere.’

Get a manicure and throw on the heels

To get yourself in the mood, prepare your feet for the occasion.

Get a snazzy manicure (at home, until lockdown is over) and then wear your finest heels. Or pull on a pair of lace stay-ups and wear a cute toe ring, whatever works to put the attention on the lowest part of your body.

Different people prefer different shoes, so try various pairs – from stilettos to kitten heels or even loafers, if that’s your jam.

In the BDSM community, high heels are common as these are a sign of power in the wearer, either in a strappy style or a boot.

Camilla says: ‘For some a big part of foot play is the “stockings in sexy heels to naked” play.

‘Let me share a secret with you: those gorgeous sexy high heels you can’t walk in?

‘They weren’t designed for walking…they were designed for removing!

‘Lie back and enjoy having your shoes and stockings removed slowly, with gentle kisses all the way down your legs and covering your feet. Bliss.’

Join a foot party

Once the pandemic is over and we’re allowed to be within two metres of other people again, sign up for a foot party.

The aptly named London Foot Party regularly hosts events where you can delight in all things toes, ankles and more, including being trampled by beautiful models.

And since you’ll know that everyone is a fan of feet, you can let loose on those trotters.

Ask your partner to wash your feet for you

Or vice versa.

‘It’s deeply sensual (and very honouring) to have your feet washed by your partner, maybe make this a part of your erotic play,’ says Camilla.

To take the foot washing up a notch, choose a scented body wash that you both enjoy.

Watch foot porn for inspiration

From foot jobs to people being penetrated by toes, to people worshipping toes and close-ups of women putting their neatly-pedicured feet on car pedals while wearing sexy shoes, the porn industry has pretty much every fantasy you can imagine.

Use it as inspiration or perhaps ask your partner if they’d be keen to watch it with you.

Give a foot job

Once you’ve watched a video on how to give a foot job, why not give it a try?

Camilla says: ‘Feet are super sensitive, be aware of this if you are the giving partner.

‘If you are the receiving partner, try not to respond in your conditioned way (pulling them away) but instead get curious.’

Gently rub your toes up and down your partner’s genitals – but if this is the first time, ask before you do this. Use lube to ease the friction.

If your other half has a penis, use both your feet – one on either side – to wank them off.

You can also involve the balls, but be easy on the pressure – though some men do like having them ‘crushed’ or squashed. But even then, be gentle so that you or your partner don’t end up in A&E.

If your other half has a vagina you could slide your toes across their clitoris or try ‘toeing’ them (i.e. the foot version of fingering).

‘Keep in mind that all sensual play enjoyed before penetration is a sensual turn-on for women and builds orgasmic energy in our bodies,’ adds Camilla.

‘The more your turn on her whole body the greater her orgasm will be. Feet are no different.’

Go running before sex

Some podophiles not only enjoy the look of a sexy foot, but also, the scent.

Fresh sweat in men releases the pheromone androstenone, which is said to turn women on, but some people enjoy stale sweat scents too – that of smelly socks for instance.

You can even make money off your pungent footwear; one woman claims to earn £100,000 a year selling her foul-smelling garments.

And having a strong sense of smell whole could give you stronger orgasms, according to a Germany study.

There you have it – get your foot play on.

Complete Article HERE!

Kinks and fetishes you need to know about, from A to Z

Because pleasure = self-care.

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An A to Z of kinks and fetishes probably isn’t something you knew you needed, but it’s time to up your sex-ed game because let’s be honest, sex – whether solo or with a partner – and self-care go hand-in-hand. Pleasure is wellness, people. And there could be a whole realm of untapped pleasure here you never knew existed.

So, we’ve compiled a list of 26 kinks from A to Z, from bondage to role play. Please remember that kinks are supposed to be fun, and if at any point they stop being fun – you can stop at ANY time.

A is for Age Play

Many people get turned on when roleplaying, and even more so when they’re acting younger or older than they are. This kink could start off by calling your partner ‘daddy’ in bed, or maybe you’re getting called ‘baby’ – but it doesn’t stop there. The daddy/baby name-calling is just an example of light age play, but if the switch is flipped and all of a sudden one of you is acting like a baby, sucking on a dummy and crawling around in a nappy, then it’s safe to say that you’ve crossed to the extreme side of age play.

B is for Bondage

Some people get off when they’re restrained – whether that be in handcuffs or with ropes. Bondage falls under the BDSM umbrella term that means ‘bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism’. Some people enjoy being dominant (i.e. tying other people up) and some enjoy the more submissive side (i.e. being tied up). 

Bondage is the most well-known kink (thanks Fifty Shades of Grey) and uses sex toys like handcuffs, paddles, whips, shackle mounts, candle wax, chains, ropes and suspension bars.

Expensive toys aren’t always needed, and trading handcuffs for a tie can be a good alternative.

C is for Cuckolding

Cuckolding is usually when a heterosexual couple agree for the woman to sleep with another man/men. Her partner doesn’t need to be in the room – he just needs to get turned on by the thought of his partner having sex with somebody else. But, some men do like being in the room while watching their partner sleeping with another man. Although its traditionally considered to be a heterosexual kink, people of all genders and sexual orientations can partake.

D is for Dogging

Dogging is a British slang term for having sex in public, or watching others do so. It’s become an increasingly popular kink, and is similar to voyeurism and exhibitionism.

Usually two sets of people are involved (sometimes more) and they set up a meet or meet randomly, before watching the other couple have sex and vice versa. This kink doesn’t come without risks though, because in Great Britain, dogging comes under laws related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, or public displays of sexual behaviour. Prosecution is possible for a number of offences, and this means that public places in some areas of the UK sit in a grey area, legally speaking.

E is for Electrostimulation

Some people get turned on by getting electrocuted, and this kink is called electrostimulation. This involves using small electric shocks in the bedroom (or wherever you’re having sex with your partner). Getting electrocuted can be dangerous, which is why most people who partake in this kink are into another type called ‘edge play’.

F is for Foot Fetishism

You’ve definitely heard of this one. Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes out there, just take Jake from Love Island 2021 and his very public foot fetish.

A foot fetish is when somebody gets turned on by, yep you guessed it, other people’s feet. They will most likely want to touch them, hold them, lick them, kiss them, and sometimes they might even want to suck that person’s toes. People with foot fetishes also engage in foot worship, which leads into another kink – humiliation. Sometimes the fetishist might want their partner’s feet in their mouth, they might want to be trodden on, kicked or walked on.

G is for Gagging

Some people like be gagged and choked while having sex, and this kink has recently seen a huge surge in popularity. Gagging can refer to lightly choking on an object (like a penis) or being choked slightly by the hand of your partner.

Another form of gagging is using a ball gag to gag somebody so they can no longer speak. This will either seem like your worst nightmare or your hottest sexual fantasy. Remember that if any form of gagging becomes uncomfortable at any stage – stop immediately. Having a safe word or signal is recommended, so that your partner knows if you’re withdrawing consent.

H is for Humiliation

This isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but some people do get a kick out of being humiliated (or doing the humiliation). If you like being called names like ‘bitch’, ‘slut’, or ‘whore’ in bed, then you probably have a kink for being humiliated. But if you like doing the name-calling, then you probably have more a dominant side and enjoy humiliating others.

I is for Impact Play

Considered a form of BDSM, impact play is generally where one person is struck by their sexual partner for the pleasure of one or both parties. Some people enjoy being whipped with a ‘stingy’ whip, while others might prefer a ‘thud’ from a paddle.

J is for JOE / JOI

A popular kink without many even realising it, Jerk Off Encouragement or Jerk Off Instruction, is when you’re instructed to masturbate for your sexual partner. Some people might enjoy instructing another party to masturbate for them, while others might enjoy being told what to do. Either way, it’s an exciting way to spice things up in the bedroom.

K is for Klismaphilia

In Greek, Klismaphilia means “arousal by enemas.” If you’re unsure what an enema is, it’s similar to a colonic irrigation. Basically, an enema is when you get warm water squirted into your bum.

Enemas are most commonly carried out by hospitals prior to medical procedures, but some people get turned on by having an enema (or giving one to somebody else). Most people will use enemas as a way to prepare the anus for anal sex, so it’s handy that you enjoy it if you like anal.

L is for Lactophilia

More common in heterosexual couplings, Lactophilia refers to when a male gets turned on by seeing a woman lactate – commonly known as producing breast milk. Lactophiliacs enjoy seeing women produce breast milk, as well as sucking on breasts and having sex with women who are producing milk.

M is for Medical fetish

Some people get turned on by doctors, nurses, dentists and pretty much anybody else in the medical profession. People with this kind of fetish might enjoy seeing their partner dressed up in a white coat, or they might enjoy medical role play. 

N is for Nylons

Also known as pantyhose addiction, those who love ladies (or men) wearing nylons tend to get sexual stimulation, gratification and arousal from their partners wearing tights. They might also love the process of putting them on, or taking them off. It is thought that those with nylon kinks prefer tights over stockings, because tights have direct contact with genitals.

This kink directly related to another very similar fetish – used underwear. Thanks to the internet, it’s now easier than ever to buy used under garments like tights, stockings, socks, knickers and bras. Sellers tend to sell the garment for a price that is decided on by the amount of times it has been worn.

O is for Orgasm Denial

Another kink that lives under the umbrella of BDSM, orgasm denial is where one partner brings the other right to the brink of orgasm and then stops – also known as edging, peaking, or surfing.

This sexual technique is when your orgasm is controlled by your sexual partner or yourself. This kink is both harsh and extremely rewarding because you’re getting built up and brought down, something that can continue for quite some time, before then being allowed to orgasm. Many women (and men) report that this is the ultimate way to reach an orgasm because it becomes more intense than ever before. It’s the perfect blend of being punished before getting given a reward. 

P is for Penis Humiliation

This kink involves insulting a man’s penis. Usually the man will enjoy having the size, appearance and performance of his penis mocked and laughed at. This is another kink that falls under the BDSM umbrella term.

Q is for Queening

Queening is when a woman sits on her partner’s face for oral sex involving both your genitals and anus. The woman will position herself in a straddling position, while her partner (either male or female) will pleasure her orally. Some people have extreme queening kinks, meaning they prefer this kind of sex over the traditional kind.

R is for Role-play

Role-play is a very common sexual kink. It basically refers to when when people act out roles or storylines in order to turn each other on. It can crossover into many other kinks like medical fetishes or age-play, and can be a brilliant way of injecting some spice into your sex life. Role-playing can come with costumes and props, or can be as simple as sexting, dirty talk, or thinking out an elaborate story to draw out the sexual act.

S is for Sensory deprivation

Sensory deprivation is when one sexual partner removes stimulation and/or senses from the other. This means that the other sensations become more powerful, intense and extreme. An example of this would be a person wearing blindfold and earplugs, while concentrating on the what they can feel e.g. touch.

T is for Taphephilia

This kink is very obscure and incredibly risky. Some people get aroused by being buried alive. Similar to claustrophilia, arousal from confined spaces, this kink is best undertaken on a fantasy basis and with a sexual partner you trust. The real thing is super dangerous and not recommended.

U is for Urophilia

More commonly known as golden showers, urophilia is when you urinate on somebody. This can be done on their face, on their body, in their mouth, in their vagina or on any other sexual organs. It’s usually done as part of domination or humiliation, so is another kink that falls within the realms of BDSM.

V is for Vincilagnia

This term refers to being sexually aroused by bondage, and more specifically being tied up or tying your sexual partner up. Remember that all parties involved must give ongoing consent, as with any of the kinks listed in this A–Z.

W is for WAM

Wet and messy fetish (WAM), also known sploshing, is a sexual fetish that involves people becoming sexually aroused by wet and messy substances being applied to naked skin – whether it be their own, or their sexual partner’s. Some people like to be covered in wet, messy or sticky substances, while some people enjoy watching others get drenched. WAM can included getting pelted with cream pies (or shaving foam), slime, cakes, food, custard or other liquids.

X is for Wax play

Okay, it doesn’t technically start with an ‘X’ but we had to include it! Some people enjoy hot wax being poured over their bodies as a part of temperature play. Luckily, general candle wax doesn’t need to be used (and isn’t advised either) because purpose-made candles have been created, specifically for wax play. There are candles that exist to burn at a specific temperature to ensure you won’t get burnt (or burn your partner). Not only does the temperature play feel great, but as the candle burns, the wax turns into massage oil.

Y is for Yiffing

Yiffing is when people dress up in furry costumes to grope, fondle and hump each other. Usually no sex act is undertaken, and most of the time yiffing is done in a group setting. 

Z is for Zelophilia

Cuckolding often coincides with an element of zelophilia, which is arousal and pleasure from jealousy – whether it be your own jealousy towards a lover, or their jealousy of you.

Complete Article HERE!

How to Make Someone With a Foot Fetish Really Happy

Advice for beginners wondering about footjobs, the best angles for showing feet, and the mysterious allure of toe jewelry.

by Sofia Barrett-Ibarria

Have you ever thought of your feet as hot? If you’re like most people, you likely don’t even “think of your feet,” period unless you’re seeing someone who thinks about feet a lot, and especially in terms of their hotness. If foot fetishes are new for you, your (hot?) feet might suddenly be on your mind more—and you might also be wondering what, exactly, your partner would like you to do with them.

Whether the foot fetishist in your life is a longtime partner or first-time hookup, there are lots of different things you can do with your feet to excite them. Here’s a guide to thrilling someone who’s into feet—specifically, yours.

What to do before you dip your toes into foot fetish play

Learn a little bit about common foot fetishes to reduce your chances of looking surprised or shocked when your partner lets you know what they’re into.

Foot fetishes comprise a broad spectrum of activities and aesthetic preferences. According to Mistress Justine Cross, a professional BDSM consultant and lifestyle dominatrix, the type of foot fetish play someone enjoys usually comes down to hygiene. “Foot fetishes can generally be broken down into two common categories: clean feet and dirty feet,” said Cross. This might overlap with preferences for big feet, small feet, high arches, or certain toe shapes—whether they’re long and thin, rounded and petite, or anything in between or beyond.

“This fetish is so varied that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer” about what gets foot fetishists off, said fetish content creator and producer Bella Vendetta. Some people incorporate feet into their sex life, while others might find feet sexy, but not necessarily want to directly use them for sexual stimulation. Your partner might be happy with just rubbing your bare feet with lotion or oil, admiring your feet in pantyhose, or watching you wiggle your toes while you’re both fully clothed.

Some of the most common things that might turn your partner on include smelling your feet, sucking the toes, or softly stroking and caressing them. Many foot fetishists enjoy feeling their partner’s feet on their face, whether it’s a gentle foot-on-face massage or “trampling,” a form of foot domination known in which one partner lies on the ground and while the other uses their feet to exert a more intense pressure on their face. Trampling can be one aspect of, as Cross explained, how foot fetishes may also intersect with a partner’s preferences around humiliation, physical domination, or other forms of BDSM.

Talk about involving your feet in sex like you’re excited to know more about your partner and try new things with them—because you are!

Your partner may have already told you about their foot fetish, or maybe you’ve noticed that they’re particularly interested in your feet during sex. In any case, “Let them know you’re open to that and that you don’t think it’s weird, and ask a lot of questions about what specifically turns them on,” Vendetta said. 

Even after you let your partner know you’re interested in experimenting, they might still be a little shy about discussing their foot fetish, especially if you’re in a new relationship or just getting to know each other. People are often hesitant to share sexual preferences that might be seen as unusual or deviant, but foot fetishes, in particular, are often uniquely misunderstood: Your partner may worry that you’ll be turned off or grossed out, that you’ll think there’s something wrong with them, or that you’ll reject them.

“Growing up, many of us are told, ‘Feet are dirty, they’re gross, don’t put your feet in my face,’ so that’s the automatic feeling many people get just because we’ve been taught that,” said foot fetish model Sweet Arches. “The best thing is just to drop all judgment and be completely open-minded,” she said, when someone’s telling you what they like about feet, even if it strikes you as unusual (or, yes, even a little grody).

Ask your partner to tell you what they like specifically. If your partner tells you they fantasize about sucking your toes or smelling your feet during sex—or whatever else they like—try a response like, “I’m really glad to know more about what you’re into, and I’m interested to hear about what that might look like for us—how would it work, do you think?” Then, you can talk through what you’d both be comfortable with and excited by before anything actually happens.

Give your feet some love and attention yourself by taking extra care with grooming.

It’s OK to feel a little self-conscious about the appearance of your feet if you’re not used to thinking about them as sexual assets. You might not know what even makes for a sexy-looking foot—and the thing is, it varies! “There’s truly a foot for everybody,” said Sweet Arches. Some people feel turned on by feet that are well-manicured and polished (or not), while others enjoy the look of dirty feet. They might also prefer certain types of shoes, a particular style of socks or panty hose, high arches, or wrinkled soles.

Richard Lennox, a fetish video performer and producer, said his fans often admire his larger foot size, high arch, and long toes that form a peak, while he enjoys a different type of look. “I prefer supple or muscular feet, with shorter toes formed more straight across,” Lennox said. “Everyone has different likes and dislikes.”

Whatever you’re working with can be put to hot use, even if your partner usually has slightly different taste. Especially when, as Arches mentioned, it’s mostly about clean/dirty for a given foot enthusiast. “As someone who actually has a foot fetish, I personally love clean feet, and I love pretty toenails and toe pads,” Arches said. Others, she said, might prefer feet that are sweaty and strong-smelling, though it’s best to keep things clean unless you’re absolutely certain your partner likes them stinky.

Regardless of what your feet naturally look like, keeping them moisturized and otherwise groomed before you do anything with them is generally a good strategy. “Feet cannot be overlooked when it comes to proper care,” said foot fetish model Miss Arcana. “I have a rigorous maintenance routine involving lotions, creams, and pumice stones to keep my feet as soft and callus-free as possible.” You don’t have to spend hours scouring your soles, though—a simple pedicure, either at home or in a salon, and a consistent moisturizing routine will keep your feet looking devastating.

In terms of how to dress up, your partner may let you know that the feet of their dreams are wearing certain kinds of shoes or accessories (like stockings, toe rings, or anklets). If they’re styles that you don’t already own, ask your partner to pick some out for you. If you really want to treat them and can afford it, you can of course pay for them yourself, but otherwise they should consider picking up the tab for anything they’re specifically requesting you wear.

How to put your best foot forward during fetish-centric encounters

Show off your feet as a form of flirtation.

A straightforward and easy way to pique your partner’s interest (and possibly initiate something more) is to just kick off your shoes. “I get requests all the time from fans who want videos of me just hanging out, sitting in normal clothes with my feet in the camera,” said Mistress D, an OnlyFans model and foot fetish content creator.

Seems easy enough—because it is! Strip off your socks and go barefoot when the two of you are hanging out at home, or try resting your feet near your partner while you’re watching TV. You’ll both feel relaxed, comfortable, and maybe a little turned on. 

Flaunting your feet can also be a nice way to subtly flirt with your partner if they’re still feeling shy about talking directly about their foot fetish. “If someone has an idea that their partner has a foot fetish—maybe they’ve caught them looking at their feet, or they’ve shown just any type of interest in their feet—just kick your feet up,” said Arches, though she said it’s usually just really nice to do that as a first move even if you’re more direct with each other: To ease into things, according to Arches, “The first thing you can do is get your foot in their lap.”

When you’re out in public together (or maybe flirting with a foot-friendly hottie from afar,) show off a fresh pedicure in some cute flip flops or sandals, or accessorize with ankle and toe jewelry. “I’m in Florida, where it’s appropriate to wear flip flops and sandals nearly everywhere,” said Lennox. “My eyes often wander if I’m in a restaurant or wherever, and I think, Oh, nice!” Perhaps you, too, might embrace a more Floridian approach to style?

Invite your partner to give you a foot massage.

If you both want to get more physical, have your partner give you a foot massage. “A foot massage helps break the mental barrier many people have that feet are ‘dirty,’” said Lennox—plus it also feels really good for you! While your partner rubs your feet, maintain eye contact and let them know you’re enjoying having your feet touched. You might compliment their technique, tell them how good it feels, or just sit back, relax, and watch them do their thing. 

Asking for a foot rub—or offering one—can provide a natural way to continue the conversation about specific preferences you or your partner might have. “This can be really helpful in a new relationship where maybe all the kinks aren’t fully explored and fleshed out yet,” said Miss Arcana. As your partner rubs your feet, ask your partner how your feet smell, or even how they taste, and whether they’re turned on by that. “If you approach this conversation [in the moment] with more subtlety than just asking, ‘So, what do you like about feet’ [more generally], you might get a better response!” said Mistress D. As she pointed out, “Not many people want to come right out and say they like the smell of your feet!” A foot massage is a great time to check in about what you’re both comfortable doing next, even if that means staying right where you are.

Use your feet during foreplay.

 If things start to become more overtly sexual, you can keep the mood going by focusing on your feet as you start to hook up. Your partner may fantasize about worshipping your feet—kissing, licking, stroking, caressing, sucking your toes, or putting their mouth on your feet. They may also want to feel your feet on their face or different parts of their body. “I like to give a partner detailed instructions for how to lick, kiss and suck my toes, and compare it to how someone might perform oral sex on me,” said Vendetta. She also recommended using your feet like you might use your hands: “You can just explore each other’s body parts!”

Give your partner a footjob.

While foot worship or other kinds of foot play don’t have to lead to anything more, your partner might love feeling your feet on their genitals. If you’re both down, you can stroke their genitals with lubed feet—also known as a footjob. To do this, turn your feet inward, as if you’re imitating hands in a prayer position. Keep your soles pressed together while you grip, and slide along the length of your partner’s genitals.

Water-based lube generally works best, and you’ll want to keep a towel handy for easy cleanup and safety. “You don’t want anyone to traipse into the bathroom with lubed-up feet,” said Lennox. “Either you’ll have hard-to-remove wet footprints in your carpet and fuzzy feet, or a slip and fall incident on wood or tile floors.”

Your partner might also be interested in having you insert a toe into one of their orifices. Start slow—maybe exploring with your fingers first—and use plenty of lube, which will feel great for your partner while helping prevent potential cuts or scrapes. Clean feet and toes are especially crucial if there’s a chance they might be going inside someone’s body. “Make sure the nails are closely trimmed and hygienic, no fungus at all,” said Lennox. “A scrape can turn into an infection. Probably easy enough to treat, but do you really want to tell that story to your doctor?”

Take nudes or lewds including your feet—and master “the pose.”

Whether you live with your foot-loving partner or you’re just getting to know a new fox, sending a sexy photo or video of your feet lets your partner know that you really want to turn them on in this particular way. Top-down photos of your toes work, though your partner might also appreciate an angle that includes your face and some bright, warm lighting. (“Natural light or even a ring light will make a huge difference,” said Miss Arcana.)

“I personally love to include my face and have my toes just right up front on camera,” said Arches. “That way, they get a feel that you’re into it and your cute little feet are in front, too. They get the full picture.”

From there, “There are so many possible positions you could try,” said Mistress D. She listed an array of options, including crossing your feet, putting one on top of the other, or posing them side by side. A few variations on these, like flexing the toes, curling them together tightly to create wrinkles in the soles, or pointing the big toe upward in a “thumbs up” can also add some variety. If your partner enjoys seeing your feet in high heels, you might also try slipping on a pair that shows off the small space between your toes, or “toe cleavage.” a bit of toe cleavage, or the space between your toes.

Your partner might enjoy a view from behind, with your butt resting on the soles of your feet. If a video is more their speed, see if they want to watch you spread your toes as wide as possible, or scrunching them in toward the soles. Practice a few different angles and positions and see which your partner is enthusiastic about.

If you still feel like you’re not sure your approach is working, Miss Arcana recommended “the pose,” which she described as a surefire smash hit among most foot fetishists. “It’s the best go-to pose that any beginner can do,” she said. “Lay on your stomach, bend at the knees, and bring your feet up in the air behind you. Now, you have the perfect position to show your face with your feet mischievously teasing in the background!”

 Whatever you do, though, your partner is going to be excited that you’re trying to begin with! “You don’t have to stress about the actual ‘pose’ too much,” said Miss Arcana. Remember that photos and videos, like actual foot-based action, are about pleasure, not perfection!

As in all aspects of newly involving yourself in someone else’s fetish, there’s no need to expect that you’ll immediately know each and every one of its particulars the moment you get started. Your partner will likely be incredibly stoked (and turned on!) that you’re interested in making their fetish a part of your sex life just in that fact alone, and you’ll figure the rest out together as you go. As Miss Arcana put it: “Just put your best foot forward with every attempt, and have fun.”

Complete Article HERE!

Where do fetishes come from?

By Kellie Scott

“A baseball cap and it has to be worn backwards,” the 40-year-old from Sydney says.

It all started as a teen, when she saw a classmate wearing one while playing footy.

“It just kind of ignited something inside of me.”

When Nadia became sexually active, the fetish became more obvious. Seeing a man wearing a backwards cap gave her goosebumps.

“I [would] get chills. I found it really hard to resist.”

Knowing how many people have fetishesis difficult to gauge because of the sense of shame some can feel around disclosing sexual behaviour, says Dr Sarah Ashton, a sexologist and psychologist.

But Dr Ashton says there is huge diversity in fetish behavior and preferences.

Not everyone is clear on what makes something a fetish, and we can feel alone with our sexual interests in a society that tends to shame anything outside the “norm”.

What is a fetish?

A fetish involves arousal to an inanimate object or a specific target, says Dr Ashton.

“Usually a body part that’s not a genital, or an object.”

As opposed to a preference for something, like clean sheets or chocolate ice cream, a fetish has a stronger connection to sexual arousal.

“There is more reinforcement between the parts of our brain that are involved in arousal and orgasm, and the object or target that you’re talking about,” Dr Ashton says.

“If you’re talking about a preference, then the connection would be weaker.”

Dr Ashton commonly hears about fetishes related to clothing, like shoes and stockings, or textures, like PVC and latex.

But she says the list is long: “If you can think of it, then people probably have a fetish of it.”

A comprehensive study from 2007on the prevalence of different fetishes found preferences for body parts or features and for objects usually associated with the body were most common (33 per cent and 30 per cent, respectively).

That was followed by preferences for other people’s behaviour (18 per cent), own behaviour (7 per cent), social behaviour (7 per cent) and objects unrelated to the body (5 per cent).

Feet and objects associated with feet were the most common target.

What causes fetishes?

Staying with feet for a moment, why are they such a common fetish target?

Anisa Varasteh, a clinical sexologist based in Adelaide, says that’s difficult to determine.

She says fetishes are multi-sensory experiences. And because there are so many different reasons people find certain fetishes arousing (for example, one person might like feet for the visual element, another for what they represent to them) it’s hard to say what the origin might be.

But one of the most commonly referenced theories is Pavlovian conditioning.

“One study [on this theory] showed heterosexual men images of boots followed by pictures of naked women,” Ms Varasteh says.

“Repeating this process over time, the men showed sexual arousal by just being shown pictures of the boots.”

Dr Ashton says fetishes can alsobe linked to experiences someone has had early in life.

“Because people might first experience some form of arousal early on in their childhood and they are small people, they might be close to feet and there might be some random association between their experience of arousal and feet.”

Neen has been into various forms of kink, and the bondage and discipline parts of BDSM for 30 years.

They have a fetish for shoes, which they first noticed at a kink show.

“My first attraction was the costuming, the corsets and the shoes,” the 50-year-old says.

“An incredible heel on an attractive person, but non-binary, cisgendered or not, or trans, does something to the shape of a person’s body and the way that they stand and how they hold themselves.”

For Neen, it’s also about the quality and shape of the shoe.

They experienced abuseas a child and used to wonder if this played a role in their fetish.

“I’ve had moments where I’ve been really uncomfortable within myself, as to why I might like something.

“[But] as I’ve grown older and understood myself more, I’ve understood where the majority of my sexual preference and sexual fetish comes from, or where it’s anchored, and I’m really comfortable with it now.”

How fetishes can improve sex

Nadia doesn’t always ask her sexual partners to wear a backwards cap. But it does intensify sex for her.

“I don’t want to say that the baseball cap is not negotiable. For me the idea of the cap is something I like to include, because I find that for me, for whatever reason, it sparks a higher sex drive.

“I’ll find that most times it’ll be something that can kind of heighten the process. So when I find that I’m really in that moment, I will ask them to wear it just because I think for me it adds another level of intensity.”

Some partners have quizzed Nadia on her fetish, while others wear the cap without question.

“They’ll see the change in me and they’ll kind of get excited by that — even though they don’t understand it.”

Ms Varasteh says embracing parts of ourselves that we might otherwise push away due to feelings of shame is the first step to integrating them into our lives and “being more functional”.

Is it OK to have a fetish?

Fetishes are only harmful if they cause distress to the individual.

That could be classed as fetishistic disorder under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

If there are other individuals involved, it’s important fetishes are only acted upon with their enthusiastic consent.

Dr Ashton says if it’s causing harm to you or other people, you might want support from a sexual health professional to reduce or redirect the arousal.

“For example, if someone has a fetish for denim, and every time they see someone wearing a pair of jeans when they’re walking around in public, they become aroused.

“Depending on whether or not you have a vulva or a penis …that could be pretty distressing.”

But otherwise, fetishes are healthy and we should encourage people to explore what feels good for them in a way that is safe, says Dr Ashton.

“We live in a culture that doesn’t really speak much about fetish and that tends to shame anything that’s outside of the spectrum of what is perceived as normal.

“But really what we know about sex and sexuality and things that people find arousing is that there’s just so much diversity.”

Complete Article HERE!

6 Kinky Dating Apps to Download If BDSM Is Your Thing

Because being sexually adventurous = totally healthy and normal.

By

A kink is broadly defined as an act or desire that falls outside of the widely accepted normative ideas of vanilla sexual practices—everything from choking, to BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominate/submissive, sadomasochism/masochism), to cuckolding, foot fetishes, water sports, bondage, and more.

And as you can see, there are tonnns of elements that fall within its sexual realm.

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But even though nearly 61 percent of Cosmo readers say they’ve dabbled in some form of BDSM play, there still remains some societal stigma and shame for wanting to be adventurous in and out of the bedroom.

This is exactly what we don’t want, fam. Because being sexually adventurous (in whatever way that means to you) is completely healthy and normal. In fact, it’s highly encouraged in an effort to prioritize your pleasure and what feels good to you.

So if you’re looking to expand your sexual taste—or just see what is out there— sometimes turning to a dating app is the best and easiest way to explore. And whether you’re just looking to spice up your online dating game or you’re fully a master in BDSM practices already, here are six kinky apps to help jump-start your experience.

Just remember, in all forms of sexual contact (kink or vanilla), consent it is always mandatory. Like engaging in any new sexual experience, communicating your boundaries and hard limits prior to beginning is a must.

1. FetLife

When it comes to exploring BDSM and kink in general, FetLife is the go-to for these kinds of activities. (The Canadian-based company literally describes itself as being like “Facebook but run by kinksters.”)

Similarly to other social media platforms, users can create profiles, interact and “Friend” other members, post pics, vids, status updates, and join more specific groups based on sexual interests and kinks. Trust me when I say the free website really allows you to cater your kink experience and find exactly what you want—whatever that may be.

Download here

2. Kinkoo

If you’re looking for a dating app more fetish-specific (think: feet, voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc.), Kinkoo may be the best one for you. In your profile, you can indicate what you’re looking for and how you’d describe yourself, like, say, if you are more of a submissive or dominant. Match with people all around the world for free or upgrade to the VIP membership for $16 per month.

Download here

3. Whiplr

Okay, so the app is pretty clever—I mean, its name doesn’t exactly disguise what the app is intended for, lol. But once you sign up, users are free to choose from a list of over 230 kinks (230!) to add to their profile. The free app also features a chat, video, and call component, similarly to what you may experience on a more mainstream dating app. Use it to find a virtual playmate or to chat it up with other kinksters across the globe.

Download here

4. Kink D

Another app geared toward the fetish community, Kink D is a super sex-positive space for those looking to explore. Whether you’re into BDSM, foot fetishes, or whatever else, odds are, you’ll find a willing partner here. It’s free to download, has a super user-friendly interface, and can help you connect with singles all over.

Download here

5. Kinki

Kinki prides themselves on being super inclusive, especially for folks apart of the LGBTQ+ community. The app, which costs $12 per month, gives you a range of options to pick from in terms of both fetishes and what you’re looking for (whether it be long-term, short-term, or just a hookup.) It also authenticates people’s accounts, gives you filters to search by location, and allows you to Like photos of people as well.

Unfortunately it’s not in U.S. markets quite yet, so this one’s for all of you outside the states.

Download here

6. Feeld

This platform offers a tonnnn of options for gender identity and sexual orientation. And while Feeld has gotten some buzz primarily for those interested in threesomes, it’s also super friendly to those in polyamorous relationships or looking to explore a more kink-friendly lifestyle. If you’re into just dipping a toe into the BDSM waters, this free app is a great sex-positive place to get started.

Download here

Complete Article HERE!

4 Tips For Proudly Introducing Kink Into Your Relationship

By Mary Grace Garis

If during this time in quarantine, you’ve done some sexual exploring about what gets you going—great. Maybe you’ve dedicated some self-care sessions to self-pleasure, had some mind-blowing staycation sex, or taken the BDSM test to explore your NSFW interests. And just maybe, all the sexploration has you wanting to learn how to introduce kink into your relationship as well. If what’s stopping you is a sense of feeling overwhelmed or even embarrassed, stop right there: Sex educators agree that kink is a perfectly healthy and safe form of sexual expression and pleasure, and talking about it with a partner is the first step for removing any level of stigma that may surround it so everyone involved can get to the important part of enjoying it.

Of course, the first step is understanding what kink is. Kink can be construed as a wide variety of consensual sex acts that aren’t vanilla, penetrative, heteronormative sexual intercourse. “Kink is anything that falls outside the bounds of culturally defined expectations, which, because of often wildly puritanical societies, could basically be anything that’s not penile-vaginal intercourse,” sexual-health consultant Francisco Ramirez previously told Well+Good. For some examples, it can include a blindfold, getting tied up, spanking, temperature play, choking, and more. Kink also encompasses BDSM—which stands for “bondage,” “dominance” or “discipline,” “sadism” or “submission,” and “masochism”—which usually involves power play with clear dominant and submissive roles, and sometimes might not even directly involve sex play at all.

Below, Caitlin V, MPH, clinical sexologist with sexual-wellness brand Royal, shares four golden rules for how to introduce kink into a relationship.

4 tips for how to introduce kink into a relationship, according to a sexologist.

1. If you’re afraid to bring it up, say so from the outset

Many of us have to unlearn shame around sexuality, and everyone’s barometer for what constitutes “kink” is different. Before bringing up anything to a partner, know that your interests and preferences are valid. V also recommends coming from a place of vulnerability. “Getting it out that you’re feeling vulnerable usually invites your partner into holding a compassionate space for you,” says V.

“Getting it out that you’re feeling vulnerable usually invites your partner into holding a compassionate space for you.” —Caitlin V, MPH, clinical sexologist

She suggests saying something along the lines of, “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about, but it’s hard for me because I’m afraid that maybe you’ll think I’m weird. Do you have some time to talk?” or “Hey, do you have the bandwidth to talk about something? I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I’m scared, but it’s really important to me.”

2. Be specific about what you’re interested in

Since, as previously mentioned, everyone’s barometer for what constitutes kink is different. That’s why clarity about what you want to you want to introduce into your relationship is so important.

“Once the subject is broached, start small. Give examples, and be willing to explain why you’re interested in something,” says V. “When you use the words ‘kink’ and ‘BDSM,’ many people imagine dungeons and ball gags, which make up a small and very extreme percentage of kinky play.”

3. Use mental imagery as a way of approaching the idea

V suggests prompting specific sex plays with images and speaking in hypotheticals to get the conversation going. An example? “Wouldn’t it be fun for us to play with a little spanking?” The idea of you doing that during sex is so hot! Is that something you’d be open to exploring?” And the conversation can (hopefully) flow from there.

“It helps to have done your research and to come to the conversation with specific examples of what you want and why, as well as what the benefits are to your partner,” V says. “If you can clearly articulate a desire and are able to focus on the potential benefits for both of you and your relationship, you are more likely to be met with enthusiasm.”

4. Be prepared for friction, but don’t get hung up on it

According to V, many great partners will hear out your desires, ask any necessary clarifying questions, and want to make them come true so long as they feel safe doing so. However, not everyone will start with a positive reaction. Be prepared for this, and be willing to forgive your partner if their immediate response comes from a place of shame or judgment.

“Remember that there’s a lot of shame around this subject, and their response will be informed primarily by their culture and their upbringing—not by their best selves—unless they’ve already done some personal work on this,” says V. “If they don’t change their tune, and they continue to judge you for your kinky desires, it might be time to show them the door and find a new partner who can give you an enthusiastic ‘yes’ to exploring.”

Complete Article HERE!

What Is a Foot Fetish?

A foot fetish is more common than most people think—here’s what it means to worship feet.

By Jessica Migala

Many people find one specific body part especially sexy, like butts, abs, legs, or breasts. For some people, that body area is the foot—and their sexual interest in feet is an attraction better known as a foot fetish.

Where does the word fetish come in? “In general, a fetish is any object, concept, or situation that is sexualized,” Ashley Grinonneau-Denton, PhD, certified sex therapist and co-director of the Ohio Center for Relationship & Sexual Health, tells Health.

Toe kissing and sucking, watching videos of feet, taking photos of a partner’s feet, rubbing someone’s sweaty feet after a workout, genital stimulation with feet, or describing foot odor to one’s partner are some ways a foot fetish can play out, says Grinonneau-Denton.

Subtypes of foot fetishes exist, too, like this one. “Some people love to worship adorned feet, whether with jewels, tattoos, nail polish, feet in heels, socks, stockings, or bare feet,” sex therapist Moushumi Ghose, owner and director of Los Angeles Sex Therapy, tells Health.

Here’s everything you need to know about foot fetishes…and the foot fetishists who focus their desire on this body part you may never think twice about.

How common is a foot fetish?

More common than you’d think. While exact numbers are hard to come by, one study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine arrived at one. In the study, researchers asked the roughly one thousand participants to rate their fetish interests from a score of 1 to 5 (5 being the highest). About 10% said they had a foot fetish, and the same percentage admitted to having a shoe fetish. Overall, more men than women said they sexualized feet or shoes.

Is a foot fetish, well, normal?

Yes—the word “fetish” just makes a foot fetish sound freaky. “To ‘fetishize’ something is often deemed an unhealthy obsession and is typically borne out of something being taboo or not normal,” says Ghose. “Fetishizing is often not seen in a favorable light.” Yet a more sex-positive approach is to ditch this line of thinking entirely and just consider a foot fetish another variation of healthy human sexuality.

There’s no right or wrong way to have a foot fetish

Just as with any sexual preference, “there are many different forms that foot fetishes can take,” says Grinonneau-Denton. As mentioned above, some foot fetishists prefer adorned feet. Others go for naked feet only. Some people fetishize footwear, such as stilettos or sandals, but others focus on less sexy shoes like sneakers or boots.

If you’ve ever seen Vanderpump Rules, you know that one of the actors on this reality show has a self-proclaimed fetish for sweaty, stinky feet. “I have worked with individuals who are highly turned on by sweaty tennis shoes and may have an inclination toward the smell, the dirtiness, or both,” says Grinonneau-Denton.

Another type of foot fetish is to fantasize about what will happen when the shoes come off, and what kind of foot is under the shoe, adds Grinonneau-Denton.

People get sexual satisfaction from feet because…feet are sexy

Feet are an intimate part of the body and are typically covered up. For these reasons, they are thought of by some people as sensual and erotic, just as other covered-up body areas like breasts and butts are considered sexy. In many cases, the fetish arises from the fantasy of being close to and touching a body part that isn’t randomly touched by strangers, says Grinonneau-Denton, the way a hand or upper arm might be.

Other foot fetishists enjoy the submission aspect. “The feet are at the bottom of one’s body, so you’re worshipping someone from below, which can be seen as a desire to be dominated,” says Ghose. And then there’s the fact that your feet take a lot of wear and tear all day yet don’t get the proper care they deserve. There’s an erotic element here for foot fetishists, too. “The work of the foot worshipper is to worship something that is otherwise seen as less than,” she explains

Having your feet touched feels good, too

If your partner is the one with the foot fetish and you’re on board with it, foot play can be very pleasurable for you, too. “There are a lot of nerve endings in the foot, which makes it a highly sensual erogenous zone,” says Ghose. You probably already know that a foot massage can feel amazing and even be a precursor to other sexual activities. But having your feet touched more sensually—teased with one fingertip, for example, or licked or sucked—can send tingles down your spine.

Remember, there’s no shame in finding feet and foot worshipping sexy. “As a society, we’ve historically gotten far too caught up in what we should and shouldn’t like sexually,” says Grinonneau-Denton.

Bottom line: a foot fetish is completely normal and healthy, so long as it doesn’t become an obsession interfering with regular life, and assuming that a partner or other person involved consents to foot play. If you or your partner has a sexual desire toward feet, don’t be afraid to talk about it and explore it if you wish.

Complete Article HERE!

The Non-Intimidating Guide to Kinks and Fetishes

By Gigi Engle

There is still a strange, judge-y haze that falls over any kind of kinky sex. Even the very idea of asking “What is a fetish?” is taboo. People tend to think that people into kinky sex are sexual deviants—nothing like “normal” people having perfectly “normal” sex.

This, I must say, is a whole lotta B.S. Kinks are actually quite commonaccording to a 2014 study, 50% of Americans enjoy some kind of kink or rough sex fantasy, while 36 percent have used blindfolds and bondage gear during sex—totally normal, and totally available to everyone. (No sex dungeon or BDSM club required.)

What Is a Fetish?

Kinky sex is all sex that falls outside of the boundaries of “vanilla” or traditional sex. (Think: Missionary style sex with the lights off.) It’s the catchall umbrella term that captures the wide spectrum of sexual behaviors that you might be into. It’s somewhat subjective—what one person considers “kinky” could be another person’s “vanilla.” You might think doggy style with some light spanking is super kinky, whereas another person may need to be blindfolded and ball-gagged in order to think the sex is kinky. In other words, exploring your kinky side can be as adventurous as you want it to be.

Fetishes are a specific type of kink. A fetish is a fixation on something largely nonsexual (feet, bubbles, tickling, leather, latex, cotton panties, etc.). For people with a fetish, that normally nonsexual thing is actually a huge turn-on—they’re sexually attracted to it. Most people with fetishes require that item or sex act to become sexually aroused. For instance, someone with a foot fetish may need to lick, kiss, or nibble on their lover’s feet in order to get turned on. Kink, on the other hand, can be a part of sexual intimacy, but isn’t necessarily required for the sex to happen.

Exploring Kinks and Fetishes 101

Here is what you should know about the most common fetishes and kinks, how to try them, and what gear you can buy to make the experience more memorable (and fun).

BDSM

What is BDSM? BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, submission, sadism, and masochism. It sounds scary—like getting blindfolded, tied to the bed and whipped mercilessly—but that’s rarely the case. BDSM is not about the need to hurt someone or to be hurt by someone. It’s about exploring your boundaries and levels of control, not torture and misery.

How to try it: BDSM is actually the most common kink there is. It can be as quotidian as a little light spanking or biting; blindfolding your partner or asking them to bind you with fuzzy handcuffs; or various levels of sensation play (such as using blindfolds, feather ticklers, or ball gags), pain play (such as spanking, electro-stimulation, or whipping), and breath play (choking).

The one thing all safe BDSM has in common? It’s consensual and explicitly negotiated between partners, wherein one person willingly (and enthusiastically) gives up control to the other.

Role playing

What is role playing? Role play is one of the simplest ways to explore kink—who hasn’t had some kind of sexual fantasy in their lifetime? Whether your particular turn-on is a well choreographed scene straight out of Outlander or a slightly more vague scenario like two strangers meeting at a bar, role play is a good opportunity to explore some of those fantasies. It’s like creating your own script-based porn together—it gives you both a chance to be someone else and get out of your own head.

How to try it: Role playing can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be. In its most basic form, it’s just about you and your partner taking on new characters and acting out a scene. For instance, you could be the sexy repairperson who has come to fix your lover’s sink. If a doctor and patient situation is more your jam, you could always get your partner a white lab coat and have them give you a full “checkup.”

Latex (and other materials)

What is a latex fetish? Sexualizing materials—latex, lace, silk, leather, nylon, you get the picture—can be both a kink and a fetish. If latex is a kink, it means you enjoy latex (think: wearing a smoking hot latex bodysuit) as a part of your sexual play. A latex fetish means that latex needs to be involved in your play in order for you to get turned on. With a fetish, you’re genuinely attracted to the material: The sound it makes on a person’s skin, the smell, and the feel of it. Again, this is totally normal.

How to try it: If you’re into latex (or other such materials), it’s likely that you’ve known for a while. Maybe you came across a lovely pair of thick latex gloves in your kitchen or a pair of nylon stockings growing up and felt all the things. To get material-based fetish into your IRL sex life, simply start by bringing a latex (or leather, spandex, etc.) object or piece of clothing into the bedroom. Start with something simple like latex gloves. If this works for you sexually, you can try a latex bodysuit, wearing it or having your partner wear it (consensually, of course). If leather is more your thing, try wearing that vintage biker jacket you love to bed. Perhaps you and your partner could even go to a sex shop and invest in a leather riding crop if you’re feeling a bit adventurous.

Foot fetish

What is a foot fetish? Foot fetishes are very common—there are entire YouTube channels devoted to the worship of all things feet. Having a foot fetish means that you are sexually attracted to feet—clean, manicured feet, normal feet, or even dirty feet. This can also include being attracted to shoes such as high heels or sneakers.

How to try it: This can play out in different ways during sex. You may want to lick or kiss your partner’s feet, you could be into them stepping on you, or even rubbing a shoe over your body. Everyone is different and no one thing is stranger than any other (assuming your partner is down).

Voyeurism and exhibitionism

What is voyeurism? Voyeurism is when you enjoy watching people have sex—it’s the thrill of seeing something “you’re not supposed to.” In the traditional definition, the people you’re watching don’t know you’re watching, but this obviously violates their consent, which is a big no-no. If you want to engage in consensual voyeurism, you can watch people engaging in sex acts with their knowledge of your being there. Voyeurism can also include enjoying other people watching you engage in sexual activity—commonly referred to as “exhibitionism.” They are two sides of the same coin. The excitement of exhibitionism comes from “getting caught” doing something “bad” or naughty.

How to try it: There’s already a bit of a voyeur in all of us. Getting turned on watching your partner touch themselves, watching porn, even heating up for a steamy scene on Netflix has the erotic element of peeking into someone else’s sex life. Try watching porn together and masturbating side-by-side. You get to watch the people in the video having sex, while enjoying intimacy with your partner. It’s a win-win for everyone. Exploring exhibitionism may also include things like having sex outside or in public (provided you do it very carefully). Here is a good guide to outdoor sex, should you be interested.

The Step-by-Step Guide to Trying Kinks and Fetishes

Curious but still a little intimidated? We’ve got you covered.

1. Involve your partner.

If you’d like to incorporate a kink or fetish into your sex life, talk about it. Have a solid conversation with your partner to decide what you’re both willing to explore before whipping out a riding crop in the bedroom.

It can be daunting, but having a conversation is critical if this is important to you. Start by talking about your mutual fantasies and go from there. You want to keep it light before moving into the more “intense” stuff. For example, if you’re interested in nylon, would you partner be okay with nylon stockings in bed? Would they be okay having their wrists tied with some nylon stockings? This way, you can both be involved in the execution, trying a bunch of different things that turn you on.

Think it through and be open and honest. It’s crucial that these conversations come with a big ol’ dose of empathy.

2. Do your research.

If a kink is new to you, do your research. Some of this play—bondage or choking, for instance—can be dangerous. Take a class or watch some YouTube videos. The best places for in-person classes are feminist sex toy shops such as Pleasure Chest or Babeland. If you don’t live in a major city, check out O.School. This online resource is an amazing place to take free online workshops from everything to blow jobs to kink to latex. Know what you’re doing before you try anything at all. You want to be solid in your skills before trying them on another human person.

3. Establish a safeword.

Safewords are nonsexual words that indicate when one partner would like to stop or pause the play. Choose a word that has nothing to do with that you’re doing in the bedroom. I suggest something nonthreatening such as banana, strawberry, sailboat, or hockey puck. You can also use a simple traffic light system: Green means go, and red means stop.

If you’re engaging in play that could disrupt a person’s ability to speak, such as breath play or wearing a ball gag, use a “three tap” approach: If you or your partner wants to stop, you tap them three times on the shoulder.

Why do you need a safeword? Because in some scenes “no” may be interpreted as part of the play. For example, in a ravishment role play fantasy or a super-submissive scene, if you say “no” or “stop” your partner may think you’re simply in character. A safeword also helps keep the erotic energy of the scene alive so that in event you want to keep going, you’re not completely deflated.

4. Do some shopping.

When it comes to gear, you don’t need to go out and buy a bunch of expensive stuff to make a fantasy or fetish happen. BDSM is definitely mostly gear-focused kink, but even so, it’s easy to utilize things from around your house. Try placing a T-shirt over your partner’s eyes as a makeshift blindfold, grabbing a wooden mixing spoon for spanking, or try running an (unused!) feather duster over your lover’s body.

For most fetishes, you’ll just need the specific item on which your fetish in focused. This could be anything from feet, to a leather crop, to a pair of nylon stockings. If you’re interested in leather specifically, we love these harnesses from Bijoux Indescretes. The company makes a whole line of fetish and BDSM gear that is inexpensive and easy for beginners to use. If latex is more your style, check out these amazing suits from The Latex Store.

I also love everything kink-related from Unbound. They make a super-adorable feather tickler, paddle, pinwheel, handcuffs, bondage tape, and blindfold that are perfect for BDSM neophytes. Plus they double as jewelry, a turn-on all its own. Check out the line here.

4. Check in.

Be sure to always have aftercare following sexual experiences. This is when the two of you take time to touch, kiss, caress, and reconnect emotionally.

In the following day or two, have an open and honest conversation about what you did correctly, what was working for you, and what wasn’t. Be willing to compromise to cocreate a sexual experience that is pleasurable, unique, and special for both of you.

When it comes to exploring kink and fetish, there is no “bad” or “abnormal” as long as everyone involved is an enthusiastically consenting adult. Don’t be afraid to broaden your sexual horizons. Learn all you can, be open-minded, and who knows? You might discover something you’re into that you’d never thought possible.

Complete Article HERE!

What Is Kink-Shaming?

(And Why You Should Avoid Doing It)

By Alex Manley

How Kink-Shaming Can Keep People From Feeling Sexually Liberated

You’re hooking up with someone for the first time — or the second, the tenth or the hundredth — and you think you know what to expect, but then they ask if you can try something new. 

Immediately, you’re a little cautious. What if it’s weird? They blush a little bit. “Well, you see, I’ve always wanted to try this thing … but it’s a little kinky…” You gulp as they lean in and whisper the secret desire into your ear. You want to make them happy because you’re not a jerk, but this fetish is way out there, and not at all something you’re used to.

“Gross,” you say. “You’re really into that?” Your hookup buddy looks embarrassed. “Never mind,” they say, grabbing their clothes from the floor. “I should probably get going

What just happened? Well, there’s a name for it: kink-shaming. And even if you don’t think you’re doing it, you probably are.

What Is Kink-Shaming?

“This girl I met on Tinder told me she wanted to try this thing called ‘caking’ — spreading cake batter all over your naked self. I was like, ‘Hmmmm, no.’ Very unsanitary, and I don’t like wasting food.” – Miguel, 28

Kink-shaming is basically exactly that —shaming someone for their sexual desires when they don’t line up with what you think is normal.

“Kink-shaming is when you embarrass someone for their sexual preferences and believe something is wrong with them because of their sexual interests,” says Dr. Janet Brito, a sex therapist based in Hawaii.

This could be about a fetish, a kink, a preference, a history of certain behaviors, or even just an openness or willingness to try something that the other person considers unconventional.

“I would define kink-shaming as the negative judgment and criticism of all sexual contact that isn’t considered vanilla or ‘mainstream,’” says Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness.

Brito notes that some common targets of kink-shaming include “fetishes that are uncommon, such as titillagnia (arousal to tickling other people) or urophilia (arousal to urine or urinating on others), dressing up as a furry or a desire to be choked or spanked.”

However, there are some that are gender-focused — men, for instance, often kink-shame “their girlfriend’s/wife’s interest in group sex, public sex, threesomes, double penetration, having a rape fantasy, masochist or sadist interestsl,” notes Brito. Or when talking to other men, they might be judgmental toward things like “same-sex attraction, same-sex fantasies, autogynephilia, men attracted to transwomen or non-binary folks.”

This kind of thing can play out in all different ways. It could be as simple as making fun of your friend for a hookup story with an unexpected detail in it, or it could be your long-term significant other trying to make you feel dirty for asking for something new in bed.

While it might not be coming from a place of hurtfulness — it’s as often a sense of surprise or shock rather than outright cruelty — it can still be incredibly demeaning.

How Does Kink-Shaming Negatively Impact People?

“I had a man recoil and tell me he ‘doesn’t do that weird sh*t’ when I placed his hand closer to my neck. It made me feel super uncomfortable for the rest of that interaction.” – Maria, 29

“Kink-shaming really only serves to make people live in silence and fear of judgment,” says Caraballo. “It creates negative internal emotional consequences, leaving the receiver to question the validity of their own desires. This could exacerbate any lingering questions of self-worth, depression or anxiety that the receiver already has about their sexuality and identity. It can negatively impact their ability to have and enjoy sex, and might kill desire altogether.”

It can also have a serious impact on a person’s mental and emotional well-being, ultimately causing psychological harm in the end.

“They may feel invalidated, dismissed, misunderstood,” says Brito. “It can negatively impact their relationship with their significant other, cause someone to withhold information or hide their kink from them. [And] at its worst, kink shaming can be used as a weapon against someone, and can cause someone to lose their job or their family.”

That might sound extreme, but instances of people’s sex lives becoming public knowledge are often weaponized against them in some form; the belief that a certain non-conformist sexual interest is unacceptable or somehow indicative of a person’s core moral character lives on in popular thought.

As a result, it’s worth thinking about how kink-shaming functions on a greater societal level, rather than just instances of one person shaming another. When we normalize kink-shaming and general sex-negative attitudes, people grow up feeling ashamed of desires they cannot control.

How Can You Stop Kink-Shaming?

“When I was in my teens (and probably even into my early 20s), I thought it was really funny to make fun of furries. But at some point, I realized that I was belittling people for sexual desire that I didn’t understand, even though it was being practiced by consenting adults. There was no real justification for it other than that it felt good in a shallow, sh*tty way to mock outsiders and people who don’t conform. I never tried to shame anyone directly, but I definitely carried that prejudice for many years.” – Ian, 30

Considering the widespread societal consequences of kink-shaming attitudes, and the seriously negative consequences it can have on a person’s wellbeing, it’s worth considering how we can move away from kink-shaming in general.

To that end, sex education — not just about the physical ins and outs of sex, but how desire works — can be a huge factor.

“I think that education is the biggest way to combat kink-shame,” says Caraballo. “There are a lot of misconceptions about why people enjoy kink (or certain forms of kink) and getting exposure to accurate information helps combat negative, internalized puritanical views about sex and kink.”

Brito agrees that education is important, but notes that there are lots of ways we can help shift our culture away from its current kink-shaming state.

She suggests “being willing to learn more about the diversity of human sexuality by being exposed to more sex-positive messages, by de-stigmatizing sex and knowing how to distinguish the difference between a sexual fantasy and reality, [and] by speaking up when someone is shaming someone’s kink.”

Brito also notes that some of the most common kink-shaming occurs within the self, meaning people shaming themselves for their own desires. If you struggle with that kind of thing, it’s worth putting in the effort to shift gears “by practicing self-acceptance, since working on embracing one’s interests is the first step toward accepting others.”

Finally, she adds, you can make a difference “by embracing the notion that everyone is different, and that having unique or non-traditional sexual interests does not mean something is wrong with you.”

Experiencing sexual desire is normal, and what exactly turns you on is often largely out of your control. Until you recognize that your desires alone don’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it’ll likely be a struggle for you to genuinely accept yourself and your sexuality.

But if you commit yourself to working through these issues — with a partner, perhaps, or in therapy — it’s absolutely possible to arrive at a healthier, more confident place where your own comfort with your sexual desires means you’re not looking to ridicule, diminish or shame others for theirs.

Complete Article HERE!