Category Archives: Fetish

Cuckolding: Exploring a Taboo Fetish


Wanna know more about Stella?  Check out the podcast we did together. Part 1 is HERE! Part 2 is HERE!



In a society where monogamy is the norm, and jealousy is treated like a sign of how much you care, open relationships, polyamory, and swinging are outliers. But those aren’t the only fantasies or lifestyles that fall outside of the dominant paradigm. Cuckolding is also a common fantasy and doesn’t stay just in the realm of porn and erotica. Many people are acting out this desire in their own lives. The fetish based social network, FetLife, has countless groups dedicated to cuckolding.

If you haven’t heard of it before, cuckolding, generally, refers to a man being cheated on by his wife. But that fails to capture the nuance of the cuckolding fetish. Like all BDSM, what moves cuckolding into the world of kink is that it is done consensually, with the full knowledge of all parties involved. In fact, it often happens at the request of the cuck — the man being “cheated on” or left out.

So what’s the appeal of cuckolding?

Like everything to do with human sexuality and psychology it’s complicated. I turned to a FetLife group focused on cuckolding and put out a call for people willing to answer a few questions. The response was immediate—dozens of people across genders and sexualities reached out to talk about their interest in cuckolding—from people who kept it in the realm of fantasy to those who had decades of experience in real life.

One strong theme among the people who responded to my inquiry was that of submission and humiliation. Joe says, “I really like the submissive aspects of [cuckolding] and the humiliation. It’s a rush knowing you can’t satisfy your wife, so she’s turning to another man.” But he goes on to say, “Like so many things, the fantasy doesn’t always line up with the reality, what matters is that we’ve found a way to engage in this lifestyle that is enjoyable for all parties involved.”

Although cuckolding is often considered primarily a male fantasy, there are exceptions. Miss Zelly says, “As a polyamorous Dominant female, cuckolding made a great deal of sense to me. It is subversive to vanilla status quo expectations of what ‘a good woman’ does and is therefore liberating and empowering.” Another woman, Wicked Maggie, says, “After my divorce, I had no desire to enter into any kind of monogamous arrangement or to follow traditional relationship models. So when [my partner] described cuckolding to me, I was intrigued that the idea seemed to fit what I desired.”

Cuckolding is still somewhat taboo in both the swinging and kink scenes

It will come as no surprise that cuckolding fetishists have the same struggles as anyone else looking for a third party for a threesome or other arraignment. When both sides of the couple have particular desires or requirements, it becomes twice as hard to find a partner. JC told me about an 18 month relationship he was in where they explored cuckolding fantasies at length, but never found a suitable bull (the term used for the man who guest stars.) Not to be deterred, JC and his partner did the best they could with what they had, and used dildos as a stand-in, along with dirty talk and humiliation to bring their fantasy to life.

As more themes emerged, I was surprised to see so many similarities with polyamory. People spoke of cuckolding strengthening their relationship and improving communication within the primary couple. According to Spank, “To be a committed cuckhold one has to adopt the view that love transcends sex.”

NookieNotes explained further, saying, “It’s made it more intimate, more trusting, more loving. The experiences we have shared have brought us so much closer together, given our relationship a depth that neither of us has had before, and shown us that there is no threat to our relationship from without.” And Joe said, “I know it’s cliche, but it’s helped improve our communication with each other.”

Cuckolding is getting more media attention these days, as a variety of fetishes and lifestyles are coming further out of the closet. And as with so many things once considered outside what is normal or acceptable, people with this fetish aren’t so different from people with any other fetish, or any other open relationship style.

Stella Harris is an author, educator, and coach who focuses on sex, kink, and intimacy. Through her writing and teaching she explores the complex world of love and lust and strives to help people explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. You can learn more about Stella on her website, or follow her on Twitter @stellaerotica

Complete Article HERE!

The Back to School 2013 Q&A Show — Podcast #388 — 09/04/13

Hey sex fans,fakein' it

Alrighty then! As I promised, I have a swell Q&A show in store for you today. I have a whole bunch of very interesting correspondents vying for their moment in the sun, so to speak. Each one is ready to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

But, before we get to that, I want to acknowledge three recent donation to the upkeep of this site. The donations come from: Peter of Knoxville, TN with a contribution of $25, Annie of Chicago, IL, my hometown, with a contribution of $25, and Terrence of Santa Barbara, CA with a contribution of $50. Thank you all!

  • First, a couple general announcements: website redesign and a word about The Gospel of Kink.
  • Some guy wants to know if it’s ok to have annual (anal??) sex on a daily basis.
  • Matt jerks off using women’s panties.  He wants to know if I think he’s gay?
  • Selena is really getting into her boobs and nipples.
  • Finally, another one of my outstanding sexual enrichment tutorials: Six Reasons Why Women Don’t Enjoy Sex.

Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Sex Advice and Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Review.




Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Join Me In Celebrating…

Hey sex fans!

I have some fantastic news. My latest book, The Gospel Of Kink — A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For, has just been published.  You’ll find it on Amazon and in all your favorite bookstores.  Kindle and Nook version coming soon.

  • The Gospel Of Kink is a workshop in book form. Its innovative and interactive format presents the reader with numerous situations and dilemmas that arise as people embrace their kinkiness and integrate their eroticism into daily life.GOK small cover
  • The Gospel Of Kink is on the cutting edge of the sex-positive and kink-aware movements. This workbook helps the reader break free from the painful silence the dominant culture imposes on alt culture and those of us on the sexual fringe.
  • The Gospel Of Kink provides an opportunity to learn from people just like you. Its on-the-page workshop features a group of ten fictional characters who are your fellow participants. In addition, it includes a panel of actual seasoned kinky, BDSM, and alt culture practitioners who share their expertise and life experience with you.
  • The Gospel Of Kink engages you with numerous exercises and homework. As a workshop participant, you will complete A Personal Alt Relationship Inventory, discuss the Essentials of Effective Communication, identify Tools and Techniques for Navigating Alt Relationship Conflicts, and learn how to Keep Things Fresh and Interesting.
  • The Gospel Of Kink provides a safe and secure place for you to air your concerns without fear of being judged for how you live your life or with whom you choose to live it. You will learn within a framework of honesty, activity, alliance, support, and humor.
  • The Gospel Of Kink is a workbook designed primarily for the modern kinkster, but not exclusively. Family, friends, healing and helping professionals, teachers, students, indeed anyone who wishes to further understand and better communicate with those they know on the sexual fringe, will benefit from this book.

Here’s a tip. There’s a 13 page preview of The Gospel Of Kink HERE!


“I can safely say that this book is fundamentally different in style and scope from everything else I’ve ever read on the topic and I think you’ll agree.”

More Sex EDGE-U-cation with bootbrush — Podcast #329 — 04/25/12

Hey sex fans, welcome back.

Are you as excited about today’s show as I am? As you know, last week I introduced you to an extraordinarily kinky guest who goes by the moniker, bootbrush. You will recall that he was here as part of both The Erotic Mind and the Sex EDGE-U-cation series. Well, he returns today with Part 2 of our chat.

bootbrush is the author of Assimilation; Tales of Transformation and Surrender. And to reward us for our patience over the past week he will once again read from his work today.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delectable conversation, did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #328 and PRESTO! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

bootbrush and I discuss:

  • The rubber transformation;
  • Play is what keeps us sane;
  • Modern primitives;
  • Fetish — passion and obsession;
  • Nonsexual fetishes;
  • Discovering the Divine through sex play;
  • The intoxication of kink and fetishes;
  • It’s the person that animates fetishes and kink;
  • The role of endorphins and adrenalin;
  • The recreational and cathartic aspects of fetish play.

For more of bootbrush visit his website HERE! Find him on Fetlife HERE! And follow him on Twitter HERE!

(Click on the book cover below to buy bootbrush’s new book.)


Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.


Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

Now what?

Name: Jen
Age: 25
Location: Florida
I am a young and attractive female with a great personality and many friends, but when it comes to men… I just don’t get it. I date many guys, but I can’t seem to get a guy into a relationship. I wont have sex with a guy unless we’re a “couple”, but the men I date seem to be turned off by this fact and don’t stay in the picture for long. In the past, I would have sex with guys I dated, but it would always end as soon as a relationship was mentioned. Any tips on how to get a guy to stick around without having to put out?

Basically men are pigs, darling. They want what they want, when and how they want it. (And just for the record, you appear to be just like most men, right? You have a very strict notion about how things should be and you wanna have it just that way.)

Nowadays the men folk don’t think it’s necessary to commit to a relationship just to get laid. The marketplace, so to speak, is brimming over with less encumbered pussy.

Now, far be it from me to suggest that you change your behaviors or value system. But you might want to take a look at why you are using sex as a lure? Maybe you’re good in bed, but not great relationship material. Or it might be that you are simply fishing in the wrong hole, so to speak.

Try connecting with a good fundamentalist Christian boy or one of them fine Mormon missionaries that are always floating around in pairs. They’re generally cute as the dickens in their white shits and black ties. And they will probably have a similar outlook as you as to the proper place for sex.

However, you may also discover that men with more traditional values about sex also have very traditional notions about the place of women in a marriage. Ya know, like barefoot and pregnant. You may even find that one of these more traditional types will do you one better by insisting that there be no nookie till you convert and get married in the church or temple.

In other words, beware of what you wish for; you may actually get it!

Good luck

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

You betcha, darlin’! Let me call your attention to Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Click on the Video On Demand tab in the header. This will take you to the library’s start page. Once inside you’ll find everything your little hearts could desire in terms of guides for the budding perv. In particular, I’d like to call your attention to the series put out by the ever popular, Nina Hartley.

Nina is one of the most recognized and respected people in the adult industry. She is as well known for her outspoken support of the industry as she is for her more than 600 adult titles. Nina established herself as one of the top porn stars of the 80’s. Her success continued strong in the 90’s when she did some of her best work. Today she uses her position as one of the world’s most popular adult stars to advocate sex education and sexual freedom among couples and singles.

Look for: Nina Hartley’s Guide To The Perfect OrgyNina Hartley’s Guide To Stripping For Your PartnerNina Hartley’s Guide To Sex For The Bi-Curious WomanNina Hartley’s Guide To Foot FunNina Hartley’s Guide To Strap-On SexNina Hartley’s Guide To SpankingNina Hartley’s Guide To Double PenetrationNina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual DominationNina Hartley’s Guide To Couples SexplorationNina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes  and Nina Hartley’s Guide To Bondage Sex. Just to name a few.

These handy dandy guides demystifies the particular fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring, and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. And the visuals…well they will tantalize and inspire.

If Missy Nina doesn’t cover the particular kink that you are looking for, just do a search for the particular fetish you’re curious about. You’ll find just about everything at Dr Dick’s How To Video Library. Try search terms like: bondage, discipline, role-play, tickling, tit play, costumes, cock and ball torture, fetish, cross-dressing, diaper and medical play. The list goes on and on.

And the best part of all of this is that you’ll be able to view these videos by the scene, or in their entirety. Heck, you can even download to own. And you do it all from the comfort and security of your own computer. Simply put there’s no better way to become a big fat pervert than indulging in Dr Dick’s How To Video Library.

Good luck

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