My podcasts will return next week. Till then enjoy…
Hey sex fans,
Back in early February of this year I launched this new series of podcast interviews called Sex EDGE-U-cation. I promised back then that this series would take a look at the fascinating world of fetish sex and kink. We’d touch on topics both familiar and exotic. I remember telling that I could guarantee that our investigation will be interesting, stimulating and very informative, because we would be chatting with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.
Well then, here we are ten months later and we’re still going strong. My first guest in this series, Dart, introduced me to today’s guest way back in February. But its only now that I finally have this opportunity to introduce her to you. Join me in welcoming the amazing Andrea Zanin. She is my last guest in this series for 2009, and she’s a humdinger, don’t cha know.
Andrea is also from Toronto, as is Dart, and like him she is internationally known and respected. She’s a writer and educator within the queer, polyamory and BDSM/leather communities. And she bring a unique voice to this ever growing chorus of exceptional guests in this series.
Andrea and I discuss:
- Her life as a grad student, community activist, teacher and writer.
- Being a sex geek and blogging since 2006.
- Her site being a virtual graduate course in human sexuality.
- Presenting on college campuses.
- Being a leather dyke and being a judge for leather contests.
- Power play, BDSM and fetishes.
- The currency of power, consent and negotiations.
- Being a Dom in power play and a switch in sensation play.
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!
Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Dr Dick’s Stockroom.
Hey sex fans,
It’s the day before Thanksgiving and I have the holiday treat you’ve all been waiting for. Porn star, activist, educator, rigger and Dom. Tony Buff, Is back with us for more of his unique Sex EDGE-U-cation.
Part 1 of my chat with Tony, which appeared last week at this time, is the most popular interview podcast to date. It broke all download records for a single podcast in a single week, so yea for that. But wait, did you somehow miss last week’s installment? We’ll that’s just not right! But don’t worry; you can make it up. All my podcasts are archived right here. All ya have to do is use the site’s search function to your right; type in Podcast #168 and presto! Don’t forget the #sign when you do your search
Tony and I discuss:
- His fan base that includes loads of kinky women.
- His polyamorous relations that includes Derek da Silva and Chris Yosef.
- Open, honest communication the key to relationship success.
- Power Play — how he started and his life now.
- Being a power switch.
- Exhilaration of creating scenes for his sub.
- Cathartic and recreational aspects of BDSM.
- The importance of working with sex positive & kink-positive healing and helping professionals.
See a slideshow of Tony & friends at work and play.
Click on the thumbnails below.
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!
Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.
Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.
DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!
Look for all my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.
Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.
Hey sex fans,
Did you miss me last week? I know, I know; it was beyond my control. Sorry to disappoint. But, to make it up to you, I have the real deal for you today. That’s right, we’re gonna get some mighty impressive Sex EDGE-U-cation from one of the luminaries of gay porn. I’m talkin big, big star here people, and that’s both literally and figuratively, if ya catch my drift.
I have the pleasure of welcoming a tireless activist, compelling educator, masterful rigger and superb Dom. He also directs as well as performs in his signature line of critically acclaimed fetish movies. He is the one and only Tony Buff.
If you know anything about BDSM, rope bondage or power play, you will probably know his name. And if you are a connoisseur of cutting edge smut, well then, I know you are a huge fan of this amazing man, just like me.
Tony brings the same intensity and focus of his on screen performances to this interview. And he adds his unique voice to the ever-growing chorus of prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles that is this podcast series.
Tony and I discuss:
- Body double, or just a cock double?
- The Pacific Northwest as a hotbed of perversion.
- His on screen persona being the same as his off screen persona.
- How he got his start in porn.
- The workshops he and Derek da Silva present together.
- His mentors — Max and Monk.
- His collaboration with Titan Media, The Rough Line.
- Challenges, opportunities and the future of porn.
- The bareback phenomenon.
- A More Nuanced Position.
See a slideshow of Tony & friends at work and play.
Click on the thumbnails below.
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!
Today’s podcast is bought to you by: Eden Fantasys.
Location: San Diego
My dick is kinda small. I want to add 3-5 inches. How do I do that?
Jeez, this is just about my least favorite topic of all. I keep promising myself that I won’t respond to anymore “how do I grow my dick bigger?” questions. And then along comes a young pup, like you John, and asks the question again. Here’s a tip, everything I have to say about cock enlargement schemes I’ve already said. If you want to know my thoughts about this wearisome topic scroll use my site’s search function in the sidebar to your right. Search with key words like “cock shape”, “cock size” and “jelqing”. Once you read through all columns and listen to the podcasts you will have all the information you seek.
Here’s a bit of an overview of what you’ll find. First, you’re not even completely through puberty yet, John. So if you could just chill out for a couple more years till your growing spurt is complete, you might find that nature itself will resolve your issue for you. If, by chance, you find that by your 18th birthday your cock is no bigger than it currently is, then it’s time to make your peace with your piece. Because basically that’s the dick you’re gonna have to work with for the rest of your life.
In other words, you have about as much chance of growing a bigger dick than what your genetics has determined for you as you do growing your feet bigger or adding inches to your height or changing the color of your skin. It’s simply not gonna happen. There is no true way of safely increasing either the width or the length of your johnson, short of a surgical intervention. And I never recommend that.
Just like there are ways to give the illusion of bigger feet, darker or lighter skin or being taller than you really are, there are things you can do to create the illusion that you’re growin’ yourself a bigger dick. But all the creams, the jelqing, the pumps, the weights the what-have-you, will only have a short-term effect if they have any effect at all. In the end you will have spent a whole lot of money, wasted a lot of time, been consumed with a great deal of anxiety and possibly even injured yourself to wind up having what you’ve always had and not significantly more.
May I suggest that you practice accepting what genetics has determined for you in terms of cock size and everything else. Because that will give you more time and energy to learn how to use what you have to its greatest benefit. Luckily, our capacity to be a good, and even great, lover has nothing to do with the size of our cock. Anyone who tries to tell you different is pullin’ your leg.
Location: San Francisco
My best friend, someone I truly love, has been really getting into S&M lately. Some weeks ago she told me she now has a full-time slave. She says it’s a lifestyle thing, but I still don’t get it. The problem I have is that this isn’t a private thing between her and this guy. She parades it around and treats him like a slave 24 hours a day. I find this really disturbing and it’s like she does this just to annoy me. My husband and I are complete equals in every way. I can’t get comfortable watching my friend humiliate and degrade someone like this. My friend says I should just quit being so uptight. Is this really just a question of me being closed-minded? Or is there something radically wrong with someone wanting to humiliate and degrade someone else?
How did your best friend’s lifestyle choices, whatever they might be, suddenly become all about you? If you really cared for this person as much as you say you do, or better yet, as much as you care for yourself and your delicate sensitivities you’d try to look beyond your superficial appreciation of what’s going on with your friend and her slave.
You say your problem with your friend is that she doesn’t keep her perversion private; rather she and her man slave “parade around” 24hr a day. What, you’d prefer she be a dilettante kinkster? Hell I give her credit for taking this thing seriously. So many others compartmentalize their lives — this is me for my family and friends — this is me for playmates — and this over here is my secret me.
As to your friend, I doubt that she gives a flying fuck if her public antics annoy you. In fact, that may very well be why she does it. Let’s try and look at this as dispassionately as possible. Your friend, by being so public with her kink, has entered the realm of political and sexual theater. That is not in any way meant to diminish her commitment to her lifestyle. On the contrary, only someone who is totally into this would have the fortitude to constantly poke a finger in the eye of polite society. She has a message for you and us. And I suspect that it has something to do with the unfortunate sex-role stereotyping and stultifying gender conventions that plague our buttoned down society. But best you get that directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.
I have no way of knowing why your friend does what she does, but she belongs to a very long and venerable tradition of flying in the face of the popular culture. Sure she risks being cut off by you and ostracized by others. And that has to hurt on some level even for those way out on the fringe. Like all political theatrics she draws you into her world, albeit as an unwilling participant. Humiliating her slave in front of squeamish folks, like you, who don’t share her kink is asking for more than tolerance that’s for sure. One could make the case that her behavior is foolhardy and counterproductive. What’s for certain is she’s walking a fine line between performance art and alienation. In the end, Laurel, you may find that it is you who will need to set the boundaries.
And I don’t think this is simply a question of you being too up tight. But I fear that you are using a conventional mindset to try and decipher these very interesting goings on. That’s simply not gonna work. Like I said earlier, she’s being this public about what most people, including yourself, think should be private because she wants to make a statement. I suspect your conventional mindset doesn’t know what to make of consensual power-play, which is precisely what this is.
You point out that you would never humiliate your husband like this. No kidding? Of course you and hubby aren’t engaged in consensual power-play, are you? Because if you were, you’d understand your friend a whole lot better, even if you still disapproved of her public performances.
If you find your friend’s lifestyle so disturbing, you could simply ask her to chill the scene when you’re around. She may or may not comply. Another solution might be that you ask her for some alone time, just she and you, without her slave. Hell, even a slave get a day off from time to time. Again she may or may not comply. If no arrangement can be made, then perhaps it’s time to part ways. Hopefully you guys could do that with as little acrimony as possible. There’s no need to burn bridges over this. Who knows this might be a phase she’s going through…ya know trying to show everyone how edgy she is. In time she might very well find that the fringe is not all that comfortable and decide to keep her kink more to herself.
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year. He is the love of my life. I love him so much, but he treats me like shit. I met him on vacation in Florida. He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis. And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen. The first time we had sex I saw stars. He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times. He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times. I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me. I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him. He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car. I pay for his cloths and gym membership. He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex. My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him. They tell me they know he sees other guys. I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.
Like my momma always used to say: if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it. And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.
Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick observations about you. You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler. I know, I can hear you now…oh no dr dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help. Bullshit!
Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john. Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns. It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules. And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit. Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick. Get it? Got it? Good!
Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation. Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life. You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.
Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love. It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue. It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love. Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’. Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship. They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.
Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple. To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense. Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.
How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself? He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it. And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?
So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh? Why is that not surprising? But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john. I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.
Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script. Ya see, kids like this need structure. He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated. This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks. They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many. He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment. And so he turned the tables on you. You can hardly fault the guy. You try to manipulate him with your money. He outwits you and manipulates you with his dick.
If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate. And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.
There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior. But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now. But violence there will be; you can bank on it!
Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably? Who knows! If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that. If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south. And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.
Good Luck Ya’ll