By Tasha Ahmed
While at Santa Fe’s First Friday Art Walk last weekend, I came across a delightful person writing one of a kind poems for a small donation. She wasn’t remarkable in appearance but she created her poems with such fluidity and vigor that it drew quite a crowd.
This obviously piqued my interested as I wondered how unique these poems actually were since the writer was producing them at an abnormally fast rate.
I decided to approach her with a subject I was sure no one had requested all evening, BDSM. She was clearly a little thrown off at first, asking all kinds of questions hoping that I would narrow it down; I didn’t and eventually she created a few flimsy stanzas before handing it over.
The last line of the poem really struck a chord within me, “Getting off when you shouldn’t, because you can.” I instantly loved it because it sounded sexy and forbidden. However, after rereading it several times my over-analytical brain wondered why she had chosen to phrase it that way. “Getting off when you shouldn’t.” Why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t anyone?
Sex is such a necessary, fulfilling part of life and yet our society chooses to shroud it in a cloak of mystery. Those of us who select the adventurous route filled with pain, pleasure, dungeons and desires are looked upon as sexual deviants.
It’s so strange to me because I hear people talking about vanilla sex all the time, yet chiming in with dark fantasies or crazy bedroom tales can really heat up a discussion. Some express interest or curiosity. Others will boldly claim that they do not have a single fetish, to which I laugh, as I find that highly unlikely.
Many people I’ve spoken with have a misconception that fetishes have to be unusual. This is untrue! Having a breast obsession is a fetish, so is needing one’s hair pulled or even French kissing. The “medical” definition of a fetish is that the object or action desired must be present in order for gratification to occur. I don’t believe this definition is applicable to many of us harboring multiple fetishes; a fetish is something that you crave very deeply and you receive immense satisfaction when it is involved.
Whether the average person chooses to admit it or not, we ALL have dirty fantasies, passionate needs, and twisted wishes. That is OKAY. There is nothing wrong with you if you want to be tied up and humiliated or if you want to be the dominant one who ties those fancy knots, just as there is nothing wrong with those who only enjoy vanilla sex.
We would all feel so much better if we stop pretending to be “normal” and instead just accept that we’re all weirdos. Sexuality is fluid; it will never fit into the chastity box that has been created for it. So give it up, sex is glorious and BDSM is just a gateway filled with trust, sexual awakening, and tantalizing thrills.
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