What spending two weeks in a chastity device taught me about my sexuality and my marriage

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I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man

By Key Barrett

It’s “Locktober” again, the month where men willingly lock their genitalia up in chastity devices in the hopes of making it “hands-free” for 31 days. Some do it for the kink, some for the challenge, and a great number do it as a way to be more present and engaged with their partners (called “keyholders”). Though I could never do a whole month, I did do it for two weeks, and what it taught me about my sexuality and how it can dominate my marriage was nothing short of revelatory.

First, some context. As an erotica writer, I wanted to understand the common theme of chastity to write more believable characters. My wife agreed to be my keyholder for two weeks and unlock me only if she desired it. I had a spare key to unlock for safety reasons and maintenance, but not for any other reason

With these rules in place, our dynamic changed within three days. What had started as some fun denial play became something else entirely. Once my wife trusted that I really was “locked up” at her discretion, she felt free to interact with me without every action being viewed through my sexual needs, which we dubbed “the barter system”.

Simply put, I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man. But now, if my hand lingered too long on a caress, my cage made the motivations painfully obvious. Call it cognitive behaviour therapy for my penis.

Beforehand, her being playful with me was viewed primarily as an invitation to sex. Now it could now exist on its own. My listening to her day wasn’t partially “putting in the time to earn sex,” because sex wasn’t an option. I was liberated to enjoy the act of listening.

Subsequently, she opened up physically and emotionally and I enjoyed being the emotional support a husband is supposed to be. Over time, my sexual needs became less singularly focused on the end goal of orgasm, and more focused on courtship and on her. Closeness, caresses and bonding took prominence over my desire to get off.

I still wanted sex, but I was free from the dishonest dealings of my libido. I wanted sex as an accompaniment to intimacy, not intimacy as post-coital add-on. This distinction was huge. When the sex did come, it was better both physically and emotionally for us both.

There were other benefits, too. My locus of thought moved from “me” to “we”. She felt more entitled to her needs and filtered her words less.

I also learned the multiple roles masturbation played in my life and which ones weren’t helpful. It was healthy to use it as a release for sexual frustration during a week when there was just no time for sex, but it didn’t stop there. I used it when putting in the time to get my partner in the mood seemed like too much effort. In that sense it was lazy man’s sex that I benefited from, but denied my wife that intimacy, and treated sex like a chore.

When left without masturbation I sought other options. Intimacy with my wife (in a reciprocation-free environment for her) allowed her to ease into the enjoyment of it and allowed me to be a part of her pleasure without filtering it through my own. Needless to say, that was a lot of fun for us both.

If I was stressed, my new avenue was one that had always been there: I talked to my wife about it. She had great insights but mostly she just listened. The stress went away, and unlike the short-term benefit masturbation provided, I got longer term benefits like companionship, trust, vulnerability and reassurance.

I emerged from my two weeks with my masculinity intact, but a deeper understanding of what it meant to be her man. And we emerged a happier couple.

Complete Article HERE!

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The best sex toy you didn’t know you needed

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Hey sex fans!

It’s Product Review Friday comin’ at ya again.

In previous weeks we welcomed several new manufacturers to our effort. (If ya missed any of our recent reviews you can see them HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.) All these new manufacturers are Europeans. Today, we welcome back an award-winning company, including the unprecedented two placements on the coveted Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews Best Adult Products List, 2012 and 2013. It is proudly an American company. And these folks are good friends to all of us here at Dr Dick Sex Advice. Join me in welcoming back The Perfect Fit Brand!

To keep track of all our reviews of the amazing products coming from The Perfect Fit Brand, use the search function in the sidebar of DrDickSexToyReviews.com, type in The Perfect Fit Brand, and PRESTO!

I am equally pleased to welcome back the very popular Dr Dick Review Crew duo, Glenn & Hank who have returned to our review effort. They are here to tell us about their new find.

Bull Bag Buzz —— $49.95

Glenn & Hank
Hank: “HEY SEX FREAKS! We’re back…after a nearly four-year absence. Where does the time go?”
Glenn: “I was one of the people who pleaded with Dr Dick to keep the reviews coming, just before he closed it down in 2014. I considered myself one of the founding members of the Dr Dick Review Crew and I didn’t want it to end. I did my first review in October on 2007. I know that some of the other members got burnt out, and I confess, this reviewing gig can be a bitch sometimes, but I thought we were doing a great service to those who read this blog.”
Hank: “I joined the Dr Dick Review Crew in August 2008. Glenn and I had the pleasure of introducing you to many remarkable products, including The Best Product or Toy for Men back in 2012 — The Fat Boy Cock Sheath another great product from The Perfect Fit Brand.”
Glenn: “When Dr Dick announced that he was gonna revive this review effort I told him that Hank and I would gladly return. But I made one stipulation. ‘You had better give us first dibs on any new products from The Perfect Fit Brand.’”
Hank: “You can say that again! The Perfect Fit Brand consistently cranks out the world’s most innovative toys for men. Each year they outdo themselves and they have the awards, from over the globe, to prove it. If you’ve got a cock and balls and/or an asshole, and you don’t have at least a couple of their products, I can assure you that you are missing out on a ton of fun.”
Glenn: “So what is this Bull Bag Buzz thing, you might be asking yourself. Well guys, I’ll tell ya. It’s probably the best sex toy you didn’t know you needed. It’s a stretchy encasement that fits around your nut sack. It cradles your balls a bit. It stretches your sack a bit. And the fuckin’ thing vibrates! It is made of The Perfect Fit Brand’s proprietary material, called SilaSkin, which is a blend of silicone and TPR (thermoplastic rubber). It is unbelievably stretchy and irresistibly soft and it is phthalate-free. Bull Bag Buzz comes in two colors, black and clear.”


Hank: “Yep, the Bull Bag Buzz is stretchy, shape-enhancing, and body-hugging. If you ask me, nothing says macho like a big set of swingin’ balls between a guy’s legs. And yet, most of us guys pay our balls little mind. We stroke our dick and feed our ass, sure. But what about our nuts? I think it’s a fuckin’ shame that we often ignore this source of pleasure and even some pain. Check out what Dr Dick has to say about it HERE!”
Glenn: “Hank is lucky because he’s got obscenely huge nuts. When we go to play parties, he loves nothing more than to swagger around like some stallion. I, on the other hand, wasn’t nearly as blessed, but I never take my cajones for granted. I always try to incorporate them into my pleasuring – stretching and tugging.”
Hank: “That’s right! If ya haven’t tried a little CBT, you’re missing out. It hurts sooo good!
Glenn: “I think we just got off topic there for a bit. But actually, it’s all very pertinent. Bull Bag Buzz could be part of any guy’s attempt to include his balls into his sexual repertoire. You can use it alone or with a partner. You slip it over your nut sack, turn on the 3-Speed power bullet located on the bottom and get ready for intense vibration that travels throughout the whole product. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Using it alone, like while you’re strokin’ your dick, keeps your nut sack engaged in your pleasuring. You’ll be amazed at the added pleasure. Using it with a partner is equally awesome. I’m a bottom, so when Hank mounts me with the Bull Bag Buzz on his nuts, I get the added sensation of his huge nuts slammin’ into me. The vibrations only heighten the pleasure.”


Hank: “So I was lookin’ on the internet for some information about Bull Bag Buzz before we started to play with it ourselves. I found a video of the founder and CEO of The Perfect Fit Brand, Steve Callow talking about his newest creation. I’m gonna include it here.”


Glenn: “I fuckin’ want to see Steve Callow model the Bull Bag Buzz, not just talk about it. He is one HOT daddy.”
Hank: “Now, now, behave yourself. You can be such a pervert. The Bull Bag Buzz is safe with all water-based lubes. Clean up is super easy because the SilaSkin material is nonporous and so stretchy you can actually turn the blasted thing inside out. And once thoroughly dry the Bull Bag Buzz isn’t the least bit sticky or tacky. We both give this product an A+ rating.”
Glenn: “The Bull Bag Buzz also works for giving your package that extra-large bulge under your favorite pair of jeans.

Full Review HERE!

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A Very Sexy Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Words

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Me talk dirty one day.

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[T]he vocabulary of BDSM can be intimidating to newcomers (newcummers, heh heh). What is your domme talking about when she tells you to to stop topping from the bottom and take off your Zentai suit for some CBT? What, while we’re at it, is a domme? So, let’s start with the basics: “BDSM” stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism, the core pillars of kinky fun. Beyond that, there’s a whole language to describe the consensual power exchange practices that take place under the BDSM umbrella. At press time there’s still no “kink” on Duolingo, so here’s a handy glossary of some of the most common BDSM terms, from A to Z.

A is for Aftercare
Aftercare is the practice of checking in with one another after a scene (or “play session,” a.k.a., the time in which the BDSM happens) to make sure all parties feel nice and chill about what just went down. The dominant partner may bring the submissive ice for any bruises, but it’s important to know that aftercare involves emotional care as well as physical. BDSM releases endorphins, which can lead to both dominants and submissives experiencing a “drop.” Aftercare can help prevent that. There’s often cuddling and always conversation; kinksters need love too.

B is for Bondage
Bondage is the act of tying one another up. In most cases the dominant partner is restraining the submissive using ropes, handcuffs, Velcro, specialty hooks, clasps, or simply a belt if you’re on a budget.

C is for CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)
In BDSM, CBT does not refer to cognitive behavioral therapy, it refers to “cock and ball torture,” which is exactly what it sounds like: The dominant will bind, whip, or use their high-ass heels to step on their submissive’s cock and balls to consensually torture them.

D is for D/S
D/S refers to dominance and submission, the crux of a BDSM relationship. While kinky people can be on a spectrum (see: “Switch”), typically you’re either dominant or submissive. If you take away one fact from this guide, it should be that even though the dominant partner in D/S relationship may be slapping, name-calling, and spitting on the submissive, BDSM and D/S relationships are all about erotic power exchange, not one person having power over another. The submissive gets to set their boundaries, and everything is pre-negotiated. The submissive likes getting slapped (see also: “Painslut”).

E is for Edgeplay
Edgeplay refers to the risky shit—the more taboo (or baddest bitch, depending on who you’re talking to) end of the spectrum of BDSM activities. Everyone’s definition of edgeplay is a little different, but blood or knife play is a good example. If there’s actually a chance of real physical harm, it’s likely edgeplay. Only get bloody with a partner who knows what they’re doing without a doubt and has been tested for STIs. You don’t have to get maimed to enjoy BDSM.

F is for Fisting
Fisting is when someone sticks their entire fist inside a vagina (or butthole). Yes, it feels good, and no, it won’t “ruin” anything but your desire for vanilla sex. Use lube.

G is for Golden Showers
A golden shower is when you lovingly shower your partner with your piss. It’s high time for the BDSM community reclaimed this word back from Donald Trump, who, may I remind you, allegedly paid sex workers to pee on a bed that Obama slept in out of spite. This is not the same thing as a golden shower. Kink is for smart people.

H is for Hard Limits
Hard limits are sexual acts that are off-limits. Everyone has their own, and you have to discuss these boundaries before any BDSM play. Use it in a sentence: “Please do not pee on me; golden showers are one of my hard limits.”

I is for Impact Play
Impact play refers to any impact on the body, such as spanking, caning, flogging, slapping, etc.

J is for Japanese Bondage
The most well-known type of Japanese bondage is Shibari, in which one partner ties up the other in beautiful and intricate patterns using rope. It’s a method of restraint, but also an art form.

K is for Knife Play
Knife play is, well, knife sex. It’s considered a form of edgeplay (our parents told us not to play with knives for a reason.) If you do play with knives, do it with someone who truly respects you and whom you trust. Often knife play doesn’t actually involve drawing blood, but is done more for the psychological thrill, such as gliding a knife along a partner’s body to induce an adrenaline rush. Call me a prude, but I wouldn’t advise it on a first Tinder date.

L is for Leather
The BDSM community enjoys leather as much as you’d expect. Leather shorts, leather paddles, and leather corsets are popular, although increasingly kinky retailers provide vegan options for their animal-loving geeks.

M is for Masochist
A masochist is someone who gets off on receiving sexual pain.

N is for Needle Play
Also a form of edgeplay (blood!), needle play means using needles on a partner. Hopefully those needles are sterile and surgical grade. Don’t do this with an idiot, please. Most professional dommes have clients who request or are into needle play. It can involve sticking a needle (temporarily) through an erogenous zone such as the nipple or… BACK AWAY NOW IF YOU’RE QUEASY… the shaft of the penis.

O is for Orgasm Denial
You know how sexual anticipation is hot AF? Orgasm denial is next-level sexual anticipation for those who love a throbbing clit or a boner that’s been hard forever just dying to get off—which is to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the brink of orgasm, then stop. Repeat as necessary.

P is for Painslut
A painslut is a dope-ass submissive who knows what they want, and that’s pain, dammit.

Q is for Queening
Queening is when a woman, a.k.a. the queen you must worship, sits on your face. It’s just a glam name for face-sitting, often used in D/S play. Sometimes the queen will sit on her submissive’s face for like, hours.

R is for RACK
RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, which are the BDSM community guidelines on how to make sure everyone is aware of the dangers they consent to. Another set of guidelines are the “SSC,” which stresses keeping activities “safe, sane, and consensual.” We kinksters want everyone to feel happy and fulfilled, and only experience pain that they desire—without actual harm.

S is for Switch
A switch is someone who enjoys both the dominant and submissive role. Get thee a girl who can do both.

T is for Topping From The Bottom
Topping from the bottom refers to when a bottom (sub) gets bratty and tries to control the scene even though negotiations state they should submit. For example, a submissive male may start yelping at his domme that she’s not making him smell her feet exactly like he wants. It can be pretty annoying. It can also be part of the scene itself, such as if the submissive is roleplaying as a little girl with her daddy (this is called “age play”).

U is for Urination
Urinating means peeing (duh) and aside from pissing on a submissive’s face or in their mouth you can do other cool and consensual things with urine, like fill up an enema and inject it up someone’s butt! I am not a medical doctor.

V is for Vanilla
Vanilla refers to someone (or sex) that is not kinky. It’s okay if you’re vanilla. You’re normal and can still find meaningful love and relationships no matter how much society judges you.

W is for Wartenberg Wheel
A Wartenberg Wheel is a nifty little metal pinwheel that you can run over your partner’s nipples or other erogenous zones. It looks scary, but in a fun way, like the Addams Family. It can be used as part of medical play (doctor fetish) or just for the hell of it. Fun fact: It’s a real-life medical device created by neurologist Robert Wartenberg to test nerve reactions, but kinksters figured out it was good for the sex, too.

Y is for Yes!
BDSM is all about enthusiastic consent. The dominant partner won’t step on their submissive’s head and then shove it into a toilet without a big ole’ “yes, please!”

Z is for Zentai
Zentai is a skintight Japanese body suit typically made of spandex and nylon. It can cover the entire body, including the face. Dance teams or athletes may wear Zentai, but some people get off on the sensation of having their entire body bound in tight fabric, and wear it for kinky reasons.

Complete Article HERE!

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Dating someone with a fetish when you don’t have one

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As you may have seen from our A to Z of fetishes series, there is a huge spectrum of kinks out there.

By

[W]here you might be into a fumble on the couch, your new partner might be fingering the ball-gag they’ve hidden under a cushion, wondering about the right time to approach the topic.

There’s a big gap between missionary with the lights off and latex at dawn, which means there’s a hell of a lot of wiggle room for both of you to try new things. But, if your sexual tastes are wildly differing, it can cause friction in your relationship.

If you’re worried you’re too vanilla while your partner is more of a rum and raisin type, however, there are plenty of ways to remedy this.

Be honest

Don’t rush in, pretending you know your way around bondage knots or puppy play if you’re not au fait. Have an honest chat about what turns you on and off. Sex is an important part of most relationships, and there’s no point in going through the motions if you’re not enjoying it.

Whether it’s something you want to try more of, or something you’re not comfortable with, forget trying to be cool and just say it. You don’t owe anyone anything, so don’t try and bend your needs and wants to fit somebody else’s. Makes things much easier for everyone involved.

Recognise unhealthy traits

People who practise things like BDSM are overwhelmingly disciplined and respectful. There are safe words involved, and a focus on communication and physical and emotional wellbeing. Don’t let someone who’s watched 50 Shades of Grey come into your life and start treating you unfairly.

If someone starts to exercise control over you that makes you uncomfortable or affects your daily life, that can qualify as abuse.

Don’t judge

It sounds obvious, but kink-shaming is a real thing and some of us don’t even realise we’re doing it. If someone likes roleplaying something, that doesn’t make it exclusively part of who we are.

Someone can be a loving, kind, and generous person and still love getting spanked and told they’re a worthless piece of sh*t. As long as they’re respecting your boundaries and being clear with you, that’s what matters.

Understand balance is key

If you’re with someone who refuses to compromise with you, and work out ways that you can both do what works for you, bail immediately. Regardless of specifically what it is they’re into, selfish lovers are uncool.

If you like Thai food and your partner likes roast dinners, you wouldn’t be okay with tucking into a Yorkshire pudding every day of the week. That kind of compromise will look different in every relationship, but it’s vital to have it.

Be open minded

You might find that you’re into something you never even knew about. Their kink might be something you never even thought about before, yet here you are getting a golden shower and it’s the horniest you’ve ever been!

Complete Article HERE!

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Don’t Kink Shame Me, Bro

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“Meet me in the play room in fifteen minutes,” My freshman hallmates and I quoted, putting on our most seductive voices, waggling our eyebrows, and then doubling over with laughter for weeks after a large group of us went to see the first Fifty Shades of Grey movie at the Movie Tavern on Valentines day. Although BDSM and kink continue to have a hay day in pop culture, many people (especially those not informed about, involved in, or interested in kink) like to joke about fetishes and fantasies. So what do you do when, as one anonymous reader asked me this past week, your partner takes you into their confidence, shares one of their kinks with you, and you’re super not into it?

Here’s my vanilla disclaimer. I’m not exactly the most kink-savvy individual, so I’ve had to do a little research for this article. I’m also not a sex therapist, just your friendly neighborhood feminist. But I do know about the power of opening dialogues about sex in a patient and respectful manner. Are consent and open conversation kinks? If so, I’m on board.

1. Do not shame them for having a certain kink. Their interest in a little role play does not make them immature; their interest in BDSM doesn’t equate a twisted mind and a tortured past (*cough* Christian Grey *cough*). If your partner has shared their kink with you and you don’t understand it, don’t tear them down for it, ask questions.

Know that just because your partner is a very kinky girl/guy/non-binary/gender-queer individual, the kind you don’t take home to mother, doesn’t mean that they’re a super freak. But you already know this. You want to support them, you don’t want to kink shame them, you want them to be having good sex that feels good and excites them. But if you’re not kinky, or kinky in the same way that your partner is, you’ll need to identify which aspects of their kink make you personally uncomfortable, and voice your discomforts clearly and kindly, without implying that they should be uncomfortable or feel bad about having a certain kink. After all, they’ve shared a very vulnerable part of themselves with you.

2. Do not shame or degrade yourself (unless you’re into that). Especially if your partner has a strong interest in a particular kink, you may find yourself wondering: what about me as I normally am isn’t enough for my partner? Please, please know that your partner’s kink does not mean that anything is wrong with you, or that you are lesser or not enough just because they want to experiment with adding a new twist to sexual activities. Furthermore, if you don’t want to try out their brand of kink “play,” that doesn’t make you closed minded or cruel, and it certainly doesn’t make you “bad” at sex.

3. Turn offs and “I” statements: Try to explain what about your partner’s kink turns you off or makes you uncomfortable or hesitant, for example, “Being covered in chocolate sauce during sex is a turn off for me. It would make me feel messy and you know how I feel about cleanliness. I would be more focused on how I was going to get the chocolate stains off my sheets than the sex.” Or “Being tied up is a turn off for me because being unable to have full control of my body makes me feel used and objectified.” As an aside, when discussing domination/submission based kinks in particular, you may want to discuss with your partner how your intersecting experiences of power/powerlessness, privilege and oppression affect your comfort levels during sex, as well as how they may turn each of you on or off from certain fantasies.

In general, it may take some more discussion for your partner to fully understand the exact lines and nature and your boundaries and feelings about a fantasy, just as it may take you time to understand their reasons for being turned on by a specific fantasy. They may offer compromises, such as, “Okay, well if cleanliness is the problem, would you be comfortable getting drenched in chocolate sauce in the shower instead?” And if they do offer a compromise that you are still uncomfortable with, it’s still okay to say no. It is always okay to say no.

4. Turn Ons. Offer alternatives! For example, “I’m not comfortable being in a threesome, but I’m super turned on by mutual masturbation. Is that something that you would be interested in?” Or, “As a vegan, the idea of wearing leather during sex is uncomfortably unethical for me, but I’d be down to wear stockings or high heels. Do either of those things turn you on?”

5. Checklists: Before trying anything tremendously new, make like Fifty Shades of Grey and exchange a checklist (I’d hesitate to recommend a binding contract…pun absolutely intended) of sexual acts/behaviors that you both would be comfortable either giving or receiving to help facilitate conversation about exactly what you are and aren’t comfortable with. There are some great lists to be found online, and all are as customizable as you’d like to make them. Maybe you’ll find yourself intrigued by some elements of your partner’s fantasies but not others. Like Anastasia Steele, you too can say yes to light power play, but no to fisting. As one movie-goer cried out, Rocky Horror style, during the non-disclosure agreement scene of the original Fifty Shades of Grey, a few years ago at the Movie Tavern, “Yes! You go girl! You set your boundaries!”

6. What if your partner finds that they cannot be aroused without the object of their fetish? Your partner may have a diagnosable fetishistic disorder. **Note: sexual fantasies are completely normal to have, and having kinks does not mean that you have a fetishistic disorder. According to Psychology Today “A diagnosis of fetishistic disorder is only used if there is accompanying personal distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning as a result of the fetish.” The key word there is distress. If you or your partner’s kinks aren’t distressing either of you, then don’t worry about it. But if your partner does find their kink distressing, inhibitive to normal interactions, or disordered, consider opening a gentle, supportive dialogue with them about seeking help from a sex therapist. There is nothing shameful about anyone seeking out the help they need, if it turns out they do need it.

7. What if you and your partner are just not sexually compatible? Not sharing kinks should not have to be the end of a sexual relationship, but if it’s a real deal breaker for you or your partner, you both need to be honest with yourselves and each other about what you want out of a sexual relationship. If your partner will really only feel sexually liberated if they can regularly release their inner dominatrix and you’re not into that, it’s probably for the best that you both seek out different partners.

Complete Article HERE!

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Learning the ropes, so to speak

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Name: Julian
Gender: male
Age: 32
Location: Mexico City
What does CBT mean?

Geez, CBT could mean all sorts of things, depending on the context. It could stand for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, something the good doctor knows a great deal about. It could also stand for Computer Based Training, but why in the world would you be asking Dr Dick about that? Let me see what else…CBT also stands for “Cock and Ball Torture”.

Yeah, that’s it! That’s what you want to know about, huh Julian — you little pervert, you. Good for you!big-balls

There are all manner of torture techniques for your cock and balls Slapping, Squeezing, Pinching, Bondage, the use of weights even tickling can be a form of torture. A dude’s package can withstand a fair amount of torment. But dolling out professional grade torture is not for the amateur. The dominant (as opposed to the submissive) really needs to know what he or she is doing. Carelessness can lead to severe injury.

In most cases, “torture” is really mostly “play”. One’s cock and balls are simply tugged on or stretched out, maybe with some weights. There’s cock and ball bondage too — the family jewels trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey, don’t cha know. And that’s just the beginning. Imagine what you could do with your mother’s old clothespins. See, now you’re putting two and two together!

Oh, and the “T” word doesn’t necessarily stand for torture. It can represent a full range of play — from tickling and teasing to torment and torture.

If you’re interested in investigating the pain/pleasure of cock and ball torture for your self, Julian, here’s a safe way to start. Begin by experimenting with different sensations. Look around the house for things you can brush or rub against your cock and balls. Start with something soft like a silk scarf. Progressively work your way to something with a rough texture, like a scrub brush. You will also notice that the sensations are different when your dick is soft as opposed to when it is hard.

curiosity_WM_1024x1024Try a hollowed-out, cylindrical loofa sponge. Get it good and wet, and slip it over your cock and try jerkin’ off with it. Rubber bands can be applied to your cock and balls. Not only for the constriction sensation, which is delightful in itself. But you can also snap those puppies for some delicious pain.

Lots of pervs like cock and ball spanking. You could try your hand at this, so to speak. Or you could employ a kitchen wooden spoon or spatula. They work nicely too. Prickly things like a fork can be used to scrape or drag over your cock and balls. Poke them lightly if you like. Be careful though; you do not want to break the skin and draw blood.

Cock and ball bondage can be a delight. Hemp rope is the perfect choice for this. And I have a fantastic resource for you, Julian, a novice, as well as for all you more advanced perverts. Check out all the great stuff at Twisted Monk. You’ll find everything you need, including some very informative how-to-videos. Look for the Twisted Monk banner in the V-Style Ball Spreadersidebar.

Again, safe play is happy play. Wrap the rope around your cock, and around each of your balls separately. Use the rope to stretch your sac. A little discomfort is desirable, but just don’t over do it. Remember the sensations will become more intense as your dick engorges with blood. Keep this kind of play to less than 10 minutes at a time. Watch for signs of distress — your dick will veer to the color purple and your balls will feel cool to the touch. When that happens, it’s time to loosen the restraints and move on to something else for a while.

If you really get into this you can find loads of more professional torture implements at Dr Dick’s Oxballs Stacker Ball StretcherStockroom. Look for the banner in the sidebar at the top of the page. There’s a whole department in my online store devoted to cock and ball toys. You might want to start with a ball stretcher or a cock and ball harness. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

CBT is great for livening up and extending a ho-hum jerk off session too. And here’s a tip: once you know what you like and how you like it; you can turn on your partner to the practices.

Speaking of partners, the novice perv might want to surrender his privates to a professional Dom. A well-trained mistress or master will be able to take you places you’ve only dreamed about. A pro Dom is also a great resource for the do-it-yourself kinda guy. Before you launch into uncharted waters, seek the advice of someone who has made the study of pain/pleasure his or her life’s work. But don’t expect to get this information for free.

Cock and ball play can be loads of fun — alone or with others. Just remember the mantra — safe play is happy play. Experimenting is fine, but if you get in over your head and you don’t know what the fuck you are doing, STOP. Go back to something more suitable to your skill set.

Good luck

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Is this gonna warp me?

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Name: Jake
Gender: male
Age: 23
Location: Omaha
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still a little tiny pervert, but well on your way to being a big fat pervert, just like your girlfriend. So YAY for that!

bondage236And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it’s perverted, nasty and forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right Jake? I absolutely love it!

Bondage is fun for you because you have to relinquish all your male privileged, Christian, preppy frat boy control to this unlikely kinky lady friend of yours. And what’s even better, you let her have her way with you. I have a feeling you’re not telling us everything about what she does to you when you’re all tied up. I’d be willing to guess there is a lot more perversion here than meets the eye. Not that that’s a bad thing, necessarily. I think it can be very therapeutic as well as amazingly hot to be completely helpless and in the control of another.

For a dominatrix, like your girlfriend, there is, as you say, the visual aspect to bondage. I think she’d agree, there’s nothing sexier then young masculine, muscular male flesh wrapped in ropes while having his cock and balls available for discipline. It’s the ultimate form of objectification. And, I might add, that you guys are turning all of society’s conventions — particularly the sacred “male as top” thing — on their head. YOU GO!

This has got to turn your crank, on some base psychological level too. I would so love to know how you and your girlfriend met. How she introduced you to all this pervy stuff. And more importantly, how you came to submit so unequivocally. That’s the real story here.bondage237

Jake, you are on the cutting edge. I think you have some sense as to how radical your play really is, don’t you? And I think it’s the radical nature of your play that gives you pause, right? It’s not the actual bondage, discipline, and possible humiliation that concerns you as much as you feel like you are losing your moral moorings. Nothing about what you are currently experiencing at the hand of this woman has any connection to the life you were brought up in. That has to be a bit of a jolt, which makes it all the more enticing. And there is virtually no turning back, is there? Once you’ve tasted the sweetness of surrender, vanilla will never again be enough.

Trust me, none of this makes you a bad person. On the contrary, if you embrace and integrate all this new information about yourself and live your life with authenticity and integrity, it will make you exemplary.

I do have one fear, however. I fear that one-day you will begin to second guess your harmless submissive eroticism and cave to the dictates of the popular culture. The worst case scenario would be for you to continue to enjoy your BDSM lifestyle on Saturday nights, then rush off to church on Sunday morning to join the choir of sanctimonious hypocrites who do one thing in private, but who publicly endorse and promote a sex-negative message of repression and denial. That, my friend, would be criminal…and a real perversion.

Good luck

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10 Topics Gay Guys Never Discuss With Their Parents

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When you’re gay, it’s hard to talk to your parents about certain things. No matter how accepting or open-minded they may be, gay relationships, gay culture, and the mechanics of gay sex will stay a mystery to them — unless, of course, one of your parents is gay — or both.

Anyone who has been out of the closet for any amount of time knows that “gay” is more than a label to define your sexuality. It is a core part of your identity, and words like “queer,” “bi,” and “LGBTQ” constitute a significant part of your life — your people, your language, and your interests, both politically and socially. These words define a culture that our straight parents will never fully know. They may watch softened depictions of it on Modern Family, but they have never sung drunk karaoke at your favorite gay watering hole or queened out to Britney. They’ve never danced in a sea of sweaty men till 6 a.m. and they have no idea what Nasty Pig is.

Much of our culture can be hard to explain. Poppers and anal plugs will probably never warrant a conversation with mom, but other conversations — about PrEP and nonmonogamy, for example — can lead to greater understandings. Here’s a list of all those things gay men don’t talk about with their parents, with a small smattering of advice on how to do so!

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1. Douching

The thought of you having sex with another man crossed your parents’ minds from the moment they found out you were gay. Though they would never admit it, they still wonder about it from time to time. The image flashes when they’re trying to go to sleep, when they’re taking the dog out for a walk. Like many straight people, they may be clueless as to how it all works and may mistakenly believe it to be a very messy business. But douching — the process of cleaning out the anal cavity before sex — is one of those off-limits topics, one I would never bring with to them.

One way to hint at it without having to say anything is to have your parents over to your place for a night where there is, regrettably, only one shower. You must conveniently forget to unscrew the metal douching hose from its attachment at the side of your shower head. I’m not saying you should picture your mother naked, but envision her standing in your shower, looking through your assortment of overpriced sugar scrubs, charcoal-infused body bars, and organic, woodsy-smelling shampoos, and frowning over that dangling hose with the phallic-shaped metal attachment at the end. Then, hopefully, it will click, and she’ll deduce that your sex is not quite as messy as she thought.

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2. Poppers

When I’m talking to guys on Scruff whose profiles read “No PnP,” I usually ask, “Do you use poppers?” Most frequently, the answer is, “Sure. Love poppers.”

Poppers, while still a drug, are so mild that many gay men do not consider them in the same “sex drug” category that Tina (crystal meth) and G fall into. They’ve become staples of gay sex, gay culture, and gay history. We’ve been using them since the ’70s for their particular power of relaxing the anal sphincter for a few minutes, just long enough to get sex revved up. But if you try to explain the process of inhaling alkyl nitrites — video head cleaner — to your parents, they will likely conjure the imagine of junkies snorting glue in the school supplies aisle.

As with many items on this list, you could make the reasonable argument that poppers — like most facets of gay sex — never need to be brought up to your parents, since your sex life is not any of their business. But if they ever wonder why you have a few small amber bottles of some chemical that smells like nail polish in the freezer, poppers may inadvertently become a discussion topic in the kitchen.

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3. Fisting

Even if you don’t do it, you know someone who does. Fisting has long lost its shock value in gay circles, and has crossed over from dark sex dungeons into the arena of mainstream gay life. Many guys who aren’t regularly seen in leather harnesses now enjoy fisting. But imagine explaining to Dad how some guys take hands (and more) up the anus — especially when the idea of taking an erect penis up there is already outside the realm of his imagination. Many people, gay and straight, do not believe — or have not accepted — that fisting, when done safely and correctly, does not create long-term damage and can be an incredibly passionate and enjoyable sexual experience.

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4. Drag

Even though words like “slay” and “werq” have broken into the straight lexicon — primarily thanks to RuPaul’s Drag Race — the art and culture of drag is still a queer creation and belongs to us. Straight people are welcome to enjoy drag shows at their local gay bar, so long as they tip, but theirs is not a history of disenfranchisement and oppression, abuse and homelessness, poverty and sex work — a queer history in which drag emerged as an act of self-empowerment.

Drag can be hard to explain to your parents. It was hard to explain to mine. My parents assumed that all gay men dress up in women’s clothes and sing diva power ballads, so the concept of drag was indistinguishable from the rest of gay life to them. They could not appreciate drag’s cultural importance because it’s not their culture, and they did not understand its complicated history with the transgender movement because they do not understand, and refuse to understand, the concept of transgender identity.

To them, as well as to many others, drag artists and trans people are the same thing — a deeply incorrect assumption that has led to something of a modern cultural rift between trans activists and the drag world. The two camps have an overlapped history, since many trans folks first discovered their true identities through drag. In the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s, when the concept of “transgender” was not as developed as it is today, many transgender people could only express themselves through drag art. As our cultural understandings both of drag and transgender identity have evolved, the two have split, and the burden has fallen on many transgender folks and trans activists to highlight and explain the significant difference between the two. Many people, my parents included, consider a trans woman to be “a man in a dress” — essentially a drag performer — and the phrase has become a terribly offensive slur against transgender women.

Take your parents to a drag show. Give them bills to tip the queens. (This assumes that your parents, unlike mine, are wiling to set foot in a gay bar.) Let them see drag in all its ferocity and kitschy wonder, then afterward, walking home, highlight the fact that what they saw was performance art, a toss-up between cabaret and camp. Explain to them that even if a transgender person does drag, the drag is the performance, but their trans identity is not. Regardless of what someone does onstage, transgender identity is a person’s authentic identity. “While drag is done for an audience, coming out as transgender is done solely for oneself,” a trans friend once told me. “And it is just as healthy and important to do as any coming-out, any form of self-acceptance that your mental health depends on.”

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5. Bears, Otters, and Pups, Oh My!

The labels will be the bane and the delight of your gay life. Gay men have long established the bizarre practice of defining and stereotyping ourselves into labels based on body type and sex practices. In the gay lexicon, burly, hairy men over a certain age are “bears.” Young bears are “cubs.” Skinnier, scruffier guys are “otters.” Young, lean, hairless guys are “twinks.” Guys into puppy play (a kink scene that was listed on my list of 30 kinky terms every gay man should know) who enjoy the “pup” role are “pups,” both in and out of the scene. Guys who prefer condomless sex are “pigs.” Tall, skinny gay guys are “giraffes” (a lesser-known label).

How did we come up with these? Regardless of where they came from, and in spite of their much-debated value, the labels are likely here to stay. While they are common parts of our speak, your parents would probably be confused to learn that you think bears are sexy or that your boyfriend is a puppy.

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6. Nonmonogamy

Nonmonogamy works out for gay men. In fact, this writer believes that nonmonogamous pairings, open and semi-open relationships, and relationships with relaxed sexual parameters are ideal for us — much more so than the monogamous alternative. The concept of nonmonogamy may seem foreign to our parents. Having a frank conversation about the parameters of your particular gay relationship with your parents may be awkward, but it can lead to something good. Explaining the distinction between sex and love may not leave everyone in agreement, especially if your parents are religious, conservative, or both. But at the very least, it will be an illuminating window into your life.

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7. HIV

Gay men are still disproportionately affected by HIV compared to our straight counterparts. While no one needs to come out as HIV-positive, least of all to their parents, many poz gay men choose to do so at some point, for various reasons. Coming out to my parents about my status was hard; I did it the same morning an op-ed I wrote about coming out as poz was published in The Advocate last December.

Many of our parents remember the early days of the AIDS epidemic, so the news can be hard for them. They may mistakenly believe that the outlook for an HIV-positive person in 2016 is the same as it was 30 years ago. Most well-informed gay men, particularly those who live in urban areas, are up to speed on modern HIV care and know that with antiretroviral treatment, HIV has become a livable chronic illness that is more preventable today than ever before. Our parents aren’t accustomed to seeing testing trucks outside of gay clubs or HIV pamphlets disseminated in chic gayborhoods, so they will probably need some information to alleviate the initial fear. Give them resources and time.

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8. PrEP

There may never be a need to talk about your once-daily Truvada pill to your parents, but if they see the medicine bottle by the sink one day when the family is sharing a beach condo, you need to have answers ready.

PrEP is the once-a-day pill regimen for HIV-negative people that has proven extremely effective at preventing HIV transmission. Statistically, it’s more reliable than regular condom use. Upon initial explanation, your parents will likely respond the way many have responded to PrEP and see it as an excuse to have raucous unprotected sex. Even if you are having raucous condomless sex, you will have to explain to them that you are still protected from HIV.

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9. Top/Bottom

Just as your parents have been envisioning your sex from the moment they first learned you were gay, they have been wondering “what you do.” When/if they meet your boyfriend, they will wonder “what he does.” They won’t say it aloud, but they wonder, late at night, after the dinner dishes have been put away, whether you’re the top or the bottom. (I always find it remarkable how straight people assume every gay man is one or the other — versatile guys don’t exist in straight visions of gay sex.)

Like douching, this is one I will never talk about to my parents, no matter how chummy we get.

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10. Kink

My parents know I am gay. They know I am having sex. They know I date and have sex with other men. But they do not know and will not be told how much I love having used underwear stuffed in my mouth and my wrists tied together with duct tape. The only time I ever came close to explaining my kink practices was at the beach a few years ago when I realized there were still red caning lines on my butt and legs. I lay in the tanning bed to darken the skin around the marks and opted for a pair of baggier, less flattering board shorts.

While kink is not restricted to gay men, we have certainly been longtime practitioners of the rougher arts. Like drag, leather was originally our thing and has by and large remained so. Kink and fetish play are things that gay men of all stripes can at least be familiar with, and have probably dabbled in at one time or another. But it is one area of gay life that our parents may have a hard time distinguishing from rape and abuse, perversion and degeneracy. Explaining it can be tough.

Its accouterments can be hard to hide — all those ass toys and leather gear require storage, and that sling in the bedroom cannot reasonably be disguised as a place to hang laundry. Have a regimen prepared for surprise visits and dinners, and if you enjoy getting backlashes or caning down your legs, try not to do so before a family beach trip.

Complete Article HERE!

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Don’t try this at home…

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Hi,
In May of 2013 I was instructed by someone not to cum for a year. He also instructed me to play with myself, but any sight of pre-cum I must add six months of no cumming. This could go on for years. Of course I have six months added. I have also been instructed online to put my cock and balls in ice water for a year. I am to hold my cock and balls in ice water for 1 minute; pull out for 1 minute, then repeat this 3 times. If I spill water I add another minute. I also must set my laptop on my cock and balls with no cover, which I am doing now. This is to loosen my cock and balls so I can pull my cock and balls behind my legs during the night to stretch my scrotum and they want my balls to hurt me daily. I write this for you to understand I do as instructed even if it is by chat. My question is, will this hurt me in the long term? I must do it because I do not want to seem as a fake submissive. I guess what I really want to know is what could this do to me in the long run? I have many more things I must do; such as ruler spanking, tie up with weights etc. My instructors plan this on a yearly plus extended plan.
Thank you,
mike

submissive02You’ve been at this extreme cock and ball torture and ejaculation control for nearly a year and you are just now getting around to asking about the possible adverse consequences? Well that don’t make no sense at all, my friend.

And I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that you are gonna continue this behavior regardless of what I may tell you. These “instructors” of yours, you only know them from online, right? Listen, I’m all for someone enjoying the life of a submissive. Knock yourself out with that already! What I don’t get is how you can submit to someone you don’t really know. How can you be sure these “instructors” have your best interest at heart and not just making you do stupid and dangerous stuff for their own gratification? Maybe they know they have a gullible twit on their hands who will do anything they tell him to do; and so they make this twit (you) do stuff that endangers his wellbeing. And here’s a tip, pal: doin’ stupid stuff just because some jerk online tells you to do it doesn’t make you a fake submissive. You clearly know nothing about Dominance and submission.submissive01

Here’s the thing, real submissives don’t’ gamble with their health and wellbeing. They also don’t entrust themselves to a Dom that will abuse the power exchange relationship.

The ejaculation control seems excessive to me, but it’s your body. Apparently this gets you off in some fashion or another, just not in the tradition “shoot your wad” sorta way.

male submissiveExtreme ejaculation control, especially over a long period of time will surely impact your sexual response cycle. This excessive edging may make cuming with a partner in the future difficult if not impossible. But maybe that doesn’t concern you. But if future sexual satisfaction with a partner is important to you then I’d suggest you cut back on ejaculation control ASAP.

The same is true for the CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) you’re doin’. Excessive stretching over many hours, like overnight, is not advised. Extreme stretching, like what you describe, can injure your nuts and damage the delicate tissues in your dick. If you want your family jewels to last, I’d suggest you cut back on the stuff you’re doing.

I also suggest that you find someone to dominate you who has your best interest in mind. Remember, BDSM and power play is not abuse.

Good luck

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Family Jewels

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Name: Lloyd
Gender: male
Age: 33
Location: UK
Hi Dr,
I like pulling on my nuts when I masturbate. I like the way it adds tension to my entire genital area, cock, bum and of course my balls. Is it ok to do this as often as I masturbate? Could I injure myself? I’ve heard there are ball-stretching devices, but I don’t know how they work. Is this something you are familiar with? Thanks a bunch.

Lots of guys are into stretching their balls; it’s a very common practice (fetish). Like you suggest there’s nothing like a pair of low-hangers slappin’ around down there as you pull your pud.

As you probably know, your nuts hang outside and away from your body so they stay slightly cooler than you normal core body temperature. This keeps sperm production at its peak.

Think of the fun you’ll have with a partner too. Do you know about tea baggin? (Not the nutty American Republican kind, mind you.) It’s all the rage, don’t cha know! When you stretch out your balls, you’ll be able to straddle your partner and do deep knee bends, while you’re family jewels dip in and out of your partner’s mouth as you proceed with your up and down motion. How fun!

Don’t know a ball stretcher from a hole in your head? Not to worry. There are several kinds of devices. All encircle your sack above your balls and then either push your balls away from the body, or yank down on your nuts. Most stretchers are made of soft leather, neoprene, metal, or a combination of these materials. Persistent use can stretch your sack a good 3 inches. By the way, the stretching itself can produce a very erotic sensation both in your balls and your testicle cords (vas deferens). Let’s take a look at what you can find in Dr Dick’s Stockroom relating to this.

For example, check out this little number: Weighted Ball Stretcher (SL118) $25.95 The Weighted Ball Stretcher is crafted from high quality garment leather, containing tiny sand granules that make this CBT (Cock & Ball Torture) toy firm yet flexible. The dual snaps allow for custom adjustment to ensure a snug and secure fit, ideal for even the most extreme CBT scenarios. This ball stretcher weighs six ounces and will weigh down your boys without being excessively straining.

This ball stretcher is supple yet durable and it will make a great addition to your cock and ball toy collection.

 

Then there’s the Parachute Ball Stretcher (A576) $18.00 Add some style and exquisite tease toy your play with the small studded parachute by Spartacus. This exquisite CBT device is shaped like a small parachute that surrounds the wearer’s package with a firm grip. High quality leather makes it comfortable as well as providing a tight grip. The item also has a 6″ long metal chain for attaching additional weights. The metal stud design will make the wearer stylish and sexy during the play. Weights can also be attached, but for god sake, have your wits about you when you try this. You can injure yourself if not careful.

 

How about the KinkLab Neoprene Ball Stretcher (KL765) $14.95
Choose between 2 lengths —

  • Short 2-snap (1.5″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.
  • Long 3-snap (2″) Fits 3.5″- 4.5″ circumference with extra 1/2″ stretch.

 

Take a look at the 1.5″ Rubber Ball Stretcher w/ Locking Strap (R134) $22.00   This Locking Rubber Ball Stretcher stands apart from the rest because it is made of a firmer neoprene rubber that looks and feels like natural rubber, but can be used with oil based lubricants. This particular grade of rubber is more firm and shiny than other Neoprene Ball Stretchers.

The snap closes on the side allow for two different levels of tightness for the best fit and the 3/4″ wide buckling strap has a lockable buckle.

 

Here’s a beauty, 3″ Leather Ball Stretcher w/ 2 Pulls (B584) $33.00  This leather ball stretcher has three buckles and two mini pull-straps for attaching weights or other restraint devices. This stretcher constricts the scrotum sack down to a diameter variable between 1″ to 4″ while forcing the testicles down.

The soft leather-lined inner surface is totally smooth without any rivets. Width: 3″, Length 6″, with six holes for buckle adjustment.

 

Looking for something shiny? The Chrome Ball Stretcher (A720) $29.50 – $42.00  Nothing else looks or feels quite the same as one of these shiny chrome ball stretchers.

We’re currently carry two different diameters in two different lengths, for a total of four sizes. The 2 diameters are 1 5/8″ and 1 7/8″ and the 2 lengths are 1 1/8″ and 2″.

For those who get into the feeling of a metal ball stretcher, these stretchers are fantastic. They are good-quality rings at an excellent price.

 

Finally, something hi-tech. The Separating Ball Stretcher (B010) $68.00 – $69.00  When it comes to ball stretchers/weights, this is the top of the line. You may want to wear it for the sensual feel, but the way it looks, the erotic bondage/control possibilities, and the gradual stretching of the scrotum are a bonus. Whatever your motivation, this chrome-plated brass stretcher of unusually high quality and advanced design has many advantages:

Unlike all other metal ball stretchers I’ve seen, this one separates so that it can be closed around your balls, instead of having to shove your balls through the opening at the center. This allows the opening to be smaller, which allows the ball-stretching ring to be thicker (and heavier).

The smaller opening also prevents most men from removing the stretcher without opening it. And the stretcher is opened and closed using bolts which can only be screwed/unscrewed with an allen wrench. (The wrench is included with the stretcher.) So, if the wearer doesn’t have access to an allen wrench, the ring is effectively locked on, opening up interesting bondage possibilities. (Note: the wrench is a standard size, so if it gets lost, it can be easily and inexpensively replaced with a quick trip to any hardware store.)

Both stretching and bondage possibilities are enhanced by the optional addition of two eyebolts, one on either side of the stretcher. These eyebolts are included as part of the stretcher package. The stretcher can be used with or without the eyebolts, depending on your tastes, needs, and plans. They can be used to attach weights, cuffs, ropes, locks, etc.

  • 8oz. Stretcher/Weight B010
    This 8oz. version of the separating stretcher is the smallest and mildest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is a mild .5″ (1.2cm). Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 16oz. Stretcher/Weight B011
    This 16oz. version of the separating stretcher is a full pound of weight for the balls, and is the second largest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″. Some users may want to combine this stretcher with another one to add intermediate degrees of stretching/weight.
  • 22oz. Stretcher/Weight B012
    This 22oz. version of the separating stretcher weighs almost a pound and a half, and is the largest and heaviest of the 3 available sizes. It is 2 3/8″ in diameter on the outside, and the inside opening is about 1″. The width of the ring (the amount of stretch) is 1″ (3.8cm).

 

Again a word of caution. When using any stretcher, it’s best to proceed slowly and gradually. Be careful when handling your scrotum to make sure that it doesn’t get pinched. You may find it helpful to use a tongue depressor, a pen, or some similar household object to push the scrotum skin out of the way as you slowly tighten snaps or screws.

Also, the potential for injury to this tender part of your body is obvious. So be careful and conservative in your use of any of these items. The Dr Dick’s Stockroom can guarantee the quality of workmanship of all these products, but not the safety of their use. You use them is at your own risk.

Again, please be careful and use common sense.

Good luck

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If it’s not one thing, it’s another…

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Name: Malcolm
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Location: Johannesburg
I’m in love with this guy who is as sweet as the day is long. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. What makes him so charming is he’s only recently come out as gay. Before this he was married. He is not jaded like so many other guys I meet. But there’s a problem. He’s real vanilla. I guess that’s the down side of coming out of a heterosexual marriage at the age of 35. He’s happy as a clam fucking me a couple times a week. He thinks anal sex is really adventurous and sexually daring. I on the other hand, am suffocating in the boredom. I know, now I sound really jaded, but I can’t help it. It’s just that there’s so much more to sex than what we are doing. I want to introduce him to some kinky shit, but I’m afraid that I will scare him off. What the fuck should I do?

I absolutely adore messages that start out: “I’m so in love. He/she is everything I ever wanted, blah, blah, blah!” Because I know that only a few words later the other shoe is gonna drop, and drop hard. “But there’s a problem, blah, blah, blah!”

Of course there’s a problem. There is always a problem…even with Mr. or Ms. Perfect, or maybe because your honey is so freakin perfect. Take it from me, sexual dissatisfaction will upset even the most tranquil and rosy apple cart and send everyone into a tizzy. Allow me to share with you something I wrote about this very issue about ten years ago. I think you will find the advice as fresh as the day it was written.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread. Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting depraved creature you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar don’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah’s always talkin’ about. This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with — lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, role-playing, whatever.

Decide on a safe-word, an out of context word your partner could use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play.

Good luck

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Great Balls of Fire!

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Name: Owen
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Sydney
I got a penis pump as gag gift for my last birthday. We all got a good laugh when I open the package with all my friends sitting around. I put it away thinking I would never use such a thing, mostly because I didn’t know how to use it. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I was bored and while rummaging through my closet I came up with the pump. I decided to figure out how it worked. It was great fun, but I would never tell anyone about this. On a whim I decided to put my balls in the pump because I am really into ball play. I discovered that I liked this even more than I liked the pump on my cock. I don’t know who else to ask, so here goes. Is ball pumping dangerous?

You are such a clever lad, Owen. See, what they say about idle hands being the devils workshop is true, huh?

Actually, guys have been stretching their balls for just about as long as us men folk have had balls to stretch…and that’s a mighty long time. The only thing that screams male virility and potency as much as a big dick is a pair of big low hangin’ nuts. In fact in many societies throughout history a man’s cajones were considered sacred. They were revered as objects of religious, social, cultural and even magical power. In fact in ancient Rome, when a man would take an oath he would grab his balls, just like we put our hand on a bible today. In fact, that’s where we got the word, “testify”, from the Latin: testis.

Men discovered early on that ball stretching was both erotic fun and relatively easy to do. Just to clarify…when I say ball stretching, what I really mean is sack (scrotum) stretching. One cannot really increase the size of his balls (testicles). Soon men in many societies were stretching their junk to call attention to their manliness. With the help of a stretching device of one sort or another, and there are several, men were able to lengthen their balls with very little effort.

So, you’ve discovered the joys of ball stretching using your penis pump, huh? You are not alone. This is a very popular fetish/pastime. Since you already know that your balls are sensitive to touch, pressure and temperature let’s spend a minute getting acquainted with what we have hanging between our legs.

Your family jewels, formally called “testes” are nestled within your nutsack, formally called a “scrotum”. Your two gonads (some guys are born with just one) are your male reproductive organs. They’re kinda oval shaped and are, on average, 1 3/4″ long by 1” wide. Each ball resides in its own independent sac. Your left nut probably hangs lower in its sac than the right one. This is nature’s way of keeping them from banging into one another all the time.

Your ‘nads produce the male hormone, testosterone, and also produce sperm cells. Each one has a number of small tubes attached to it called the epididymides. There’s another tube attached to each ball called the vas deferens (the chord). The vas deferens carry your sperm cells to the prostate gland where the sperm is mixed with seminal fluid. And when the time comes, the whole mess comes shootin’ our your johnson as spooge.

Why not take a minute to carefully fondle one of your balls. If you can picture in your mind’s eye the anatomy of your testicle while you’re groping around down there, you can actually feel the difference between the epididymides and the vas deferens. If you’re not familiar with your testicular anatomy, search the internets for a visual aid, like a nice diagram. These diagrams are not hard to find. Even this gentle non-erotic probing feels way good, huh? No wonder having someone suck on our nuts can drive us boys wild. But I digress.

We’ll get to your questions about ball pumping safety in a minute, Owen. But before we do, I’d like to take this opportunity to look at alternative means of ball stretching for all those in my audience who would like to experiment, but don’t have a pump.

The first method is the simplest and you don’t even need no stinkin’ equipment. Let’s call this the manual method. All ya do is give your huevos a nice sustained tug. Alternate your tugging with some nice ball massage. Over time this will help to lengthen you ball sack because you’re manually forcing it downward. The more you pull and the longer you pull, the more you will affect the hang of your balls. This method is particularly effective after a hot bath or shower. Your skin will be at its most pliable then. This method is safe and effective and even a rank amateur can pull it off, so to speak. You’re not gonna see a lot of results immediately, but your patience will pay off. Listen, even if your objective is not to get lower hanging balls, this’ll be fun and pleasurable all on its one. It might just get you to pay your balls some attention while you’re jerkin off. And that will make both you and your nuts much happier.

Kicking things up a notch, you can invest in a relatively inexpensive ball stretcher. You’ll find a whole bunch of them in Dr Dick’s Stockroom. The most common type of stretcher is a leather band. There are also Neoprene and metal ones too. Simply put, these little buggers just make a space between your testicles and your body. The thicker the band, the greater the space…obviously! Some of these stretchers come weighted; others allow you to add weights to them. This is probably not advised for the novice stretcher, but you’ll be surprised how much fun this can be. Just have your wits about you when you try this. Too much weight for too long a time can cause serious injury. Make sure you use a lubricant to help reduce chafing during your stretching session. Also if you do use weights, don’t move around when you have them attached. That’s just common sense.

Now to the vacuum pump method. Some guys pump their balls separate from their dick, as apparently you do, Owen. Others pump cock and balls together. There are even specifically designed cylinders to facilitate this. For safety sake, keep your pumping sessions to 10 minutes or less. You can throw in a nice massage session afterward and you’ll be one happy fella. Remember overuse or over-enthusiastic pumping can cause blood vessel damage, bruising and blistering. If you’re lucky enough to have a pressure gage on the device you’re using, always keep the pressure between -5 and –10 in Hg (mercury inches), never more.

Your scrotum is highly elastic, so the lengthening you produce will mostly be temporary, unless you do this on a regular basis. Effects will diminish over a period of 24-48 hours.

Good luck

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Oh sweet mystery of life at last I found you

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In lieu of Product Review Friday, we have some interesting Q&A about sex toys.

Name: Tadd
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Location: Arizona
In one of your podcasts you told some guy about a strap on kit he could buy for his GF. Could you repeat that? I’ve been trying to find one.

I responded to an inquiry from Karol from Poland a while back. He asked about a strap-on kit. I told him: “As to your question about a strap-on and what a guy should know about buying one for his female partner. I suspect the overriding concern for the amateur butt pirate is to get his gal a comfortable harness that can accommodate a couple different sized dildos. I suggested that he turn his attention to the Dr Dick’s Stockroom banner in the sidebar. I told him to click through there and search for the Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit (B664).  The good people at Dr Dick’s Stockroom have painstakingly put together everything you need for your first pegging!”

  • Is there someone in your life who is curious about strapping it on, but doesn’t know quite where to begin? Well, we have the perfect starter kit! Everything a beginning sensuous player would need to strap it on is included in this package (except their favorite water-soluble lubricant – sold separately).
  • This strap-on harness is low-riding with a fuzzy, deep purple velvet front and highly adjustable nylon straps. The kit has 2 color coordinated, shimmery purple dildos. These hypoallergenic silicone dildos are shaped and sized appropriately for those just beginning anal play adventures. The smaller is approximately 4″ long and 3⁄4″ wide, while the larger one is 5″ long and 11⁄4″ wide.
  • A powerful variable-speed mini-vibe sits in a secret pocket behind the dildo to give the wearer an extra jolt of fun. The straps are adjustable, fitting up to 50″ hips. The 1.5″ O-ring can be exchanged for play with other sized dildos (sold separately). Washable, smart, and sexy. Bottom line – this is one hot strap-on package!

Name: Gary
Age: 58
Location: Tampa
I’m a widower; my wife of 29 years died a little over a year ago. I’m just now getting back into the swing of thing. The sex I had with my wife was very conventional now I want to try something different. I want to go to a dominatrix. I’ve always had a fantasy about a woman owning and punishing my privates. It’s a big turn on. Is there anything I should know about this?

I love it, another kinkster in the making. Coming out as a perv, in my opinion, is better done late than never. My first suggestion is that you find a better term for your privates than “privates”. You sound like your mommy. I suggest cock and balls, it pretty much says it all very succinctly.

Have you done your homework in terms of finding the right dominatrix? I suppose you have at least a couple in mind, right? Might I suggest that when you make contact with one or another of these professional women that you be very specific about what you want and how you want it. You can ask for some hot CBT (cock and ball torture). Ya see, knowing the right vocabulary will often expedite your getting precisely what you are looking for.

Here’s a tip…a good submissive, or sub — that’s you, Gary, will want to bring his dominatrix, or dom a little gift to start things off on the right foot. May I suggest this little number: A Male Chastity Kit (B702). Look for it in the Dr Dick’s Stockroom.

  • The CB-3000 represents the latest design in modern male chastity devices from the same designers who invented the best-selling CB-2000 and The Curve. Some customers wanted a size mid-way between the CB-2000 and The Curve. The manufacturers listened to our customers’ requests and have allowed us to bring you this exciting new male chastity device.
  • The natural flow of lines in this model represents the cock and conforms to the body. The slim, smooth lines permit the CB-3000 to be worn easily under clothing. It is slightly vented with curving lines and custom openings for comfort and hygiene. The material, a highly durable transparent polycarbonate, is functional and appealing, and its strength exceeds that of acrylic and many other plastic blends.
  • Some men find it possible to use the urinals while wearing the CB-3000, though most find it more practical to sit. When locked with a plastic lock, the device will not set off metal detectors in airports or at other security checkpoints. So it is possible to wear the device 24/7 without interfering with travel or business routines. (Just make sure to use the plastic lock and not the brass lock under these circumstances.) This compact design involves no uncomfortable belts, straps or chains.
  • The CB-3000 consists of two main parts, the cage portion (inside length 3″ – inside diameter 1 3/8″) and the cuff ring. They easily slide together by means of two guide pins and a locking pin. The guide pins extend from the cage portion. Different-sized spacing rings are provided to allow a personalized fit.
  • The five rings included in the kit have inside diameters of 1_”, 1 5/8″, 1_”, 1 7/8″, and 2″. Once you find the right spacing, simply use a pair of side cutter pliers to snip the ends of the guide pins and then smooth the edges with an emery board or file. The locking pin is slightly recessed into the body cuff.
  • The Body Cuff comes in five different sizes, and swivels open at the bottom so that it can be closed easily around the cock and balls. Align the locking pin holes with the locking pins on the main part of the cage, add the proper amount of spacers, and then install the cage portion. The balls will then be trapped between the cuff and the cage. The smooth, rounded design minimizes pinching and chafing while being worn.
  • Finding the right-sized Body Cuff is extremely important for reasons of comfort and security. It should be as tight as possible without cutting off any circulation. If you are wearing a cuff that is too tight, it will cause some swelling and discoloration of the ball sac. If you see any discoloration, or experience numbness or aching discomfort, you definitely need to go to the next larger size. If you have a particularly high (short/tight) ball sac, you may find that you will need to stretch the ball sac slightly before the CB-3000 becomes comfortable and suitable for longer-term wear. For the most comfortable fit, the balls should hang below the cage and cuff ring. to prevent pinching.
  • I highly recommend applying baby oil/gel (or a similar product) to your cock with a cotton swab after showering. This practice allows your willie to move naturally up and down in the cage portion. Then you should be able to wear it 24/7 for indefinite periods of time. Some people have kept it on for months.
  • The CB-3000 kit includes the following: One brass padlock with 2 keys, 5 individually numbered, tamper-proof plastic locks, 3 different lengths of locking pins and 5 differently-sized spacers.

Good luck

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Guess What, Honey? I’m A Kinky Old Perv!

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And now, by popular demand, a reprint of an old favorite.

So you’ve met the person of your dreams only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big-time bondage. Or that you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the lowly little bitch that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic—you know, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked til your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toejam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear—Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread.

Dear Dr. Dick,
Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink can be a little tricky; the whole love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go, either. Why not just stand tall like the filthy pervert you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to Little Miss Mary Sunshine? After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life walks with a pronounced limp (or perhaps is suffering from a case of the gout). Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows—s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Case in point. Here’s part of an exchange I had with a young man from Omaha.

Dear Doc,
I’m 23, and I’ve been dating 30-year-old chick for nearly a year now. I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I love that she is more experienced than me. My girlfriend likes to tie me up. I’m a college gymnast so I have very defined muscles. They are a huge turn on for my girlfriend, which I guess explains why she likes to see me struggle against the rope. I get real turned on too when I’m tied up. Sometimes she teases my penis and testicles with a feather or a piece of leather, which drives me wild. I’m worried though, because I think this is gonna warp me somehow. Do you think this is perverted? Why is it so much fun?

Ahhh yeah, Jake, I do think it’s perverted. I think your girlfriend is a big fat pervert and I think you’re still just a teensy-weensy little pervert—but well on your way to Big Fat Perverthood (note: Big Fat Perverthood is not a clinical term; just something we toss around the office for fun), just like your girlfriend. And why is this bondage thing so much fun? It’s such a blast because it IS perverted, IS nasty and IS forbidden, silly! One can only guess what your fundamentalist Christian mom and dad would think about their star athlete son trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey while a considerably older dominatrix punishes his family jewels. I fear this apple has fallen a great distance from the tree, right, Jake? I absolutely love it!

Okay, back to telling your partner about your kink. Here’s what I suggest. Casually direct the conversation to the amazing variety of human sexual expression. You could reassure your sweetie that just because some things are unfamiliar to her/him doesn’t make them bad. Tell him/her that you’ve been waiting for your relationship to mature so that you could share the intricacies of your desires with him/her. This can be one of those precious bonding moments that Oprah is always going on about.

This might be a good time to view that special video you picked up in the kink section of the local porn emporium. Invite her/him to explore your fantasy with you. Tell the little flower that your love for him/her demands that you share the fullness of your sexuality with her/him. Then pick one turn-on for the two of you to experiment with—lingerie, toys, dominance and submission, pee, role-playing—whatever your hearts desire.

Decide on a safe-word, an out-of-context word your partner can use if the experiment is heading in an uncomfortable direction. For example, if the dildo is too big or the lipstick is too red, s/he could say “pickles.” The safe-word, when uttered in the scenario, will let you know that you need to change direction or slow down without completely destroying the built-up sexual energy.

If this initiation process doesn’t work, Dr. Dick suggests that you cut your losses and dump the white bread. Go out and find yourself a kindred spirit, someone you won’t have to apologize to for being creative in your sex play. Because, as we all know, the key to fantastic sex is all about communicating – and if you can’t be honest about what you want, then it won’t be long until you’re looking around, wondering how the hell you got to a sex life full of furtive, 2 minute, missionary position encounters. And life is way too short for that crap.

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More Sex EDGE-U-cation with Mistress Katherine — Podcast #245 – 11/10/10

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[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I loves me some Mistress Katherine! And I’m not ashamed to admit it either. And from the looks of the download numbers from last week’s podcast featuring the divine Mistress, it appears you dig her big time too. So when we ran out of time last week and I asked her to come back this week to dispense even more of her signature Sex EDGE-U-cation, she was gracious enough to say yes. Lucky for me Katherine didn’t even make me beg or grovel, though, god knows, I surely would have.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our conversation, did you? Well don’t worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. Look for the search function in the header, type in Podcast #243 and faster than you can say ‘Pro-Dom’ you’ll be taken to paradise! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Katherine and I discuss:

  • The political nature of sex work;
  • Foot and leg worship;
  • CBT & NT;
  • Feminization;
  • Needle play;
  • Fantasy role-play;
  • The truisms of our sexuality;
  • Working with and playing with both women and men;
  • Providing a safe and secure place to investigate one’s sexuality.

Katherine encourages you to visit her on her personal website HERE!

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Check out The Lick-A-Dee-Split Connection. That’s Dr Dick’s toll free podcast voicemail HOTLINE. Don’t worry people; no one will personally answer the phone. Your message goes directly to voicemail.

Got a question or a comment? Wanna rant or rave? Or maybe you’d just like to talk dirty for a minute or two. Why not get it off your chest! Give Dr Dick a call at (866) 422-5680.

DON’T BE SHY, LET IT FLY!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: Fleshlight & FleshJack.

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