Category Archives: Spicing Up Your Sex Life

How to use handcuffs during sex in the best (and safest) way

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Please, please, please avoid cheap metal cuffs.

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Considering trying BDSM? If you’re looking for a beginner‘s way in, handcuffs are a really simple and super-fun way to start.

“Restraints are a fantastic way to explore the world of bondage and discover a new level of pleasure and play,” says Megan McCormack, sex expert for Ann Summers. “Using handcuffs may seem pretty self-explanatory, but there are a few key things to know to ensure you’re getting the most of being cuffed and doing it safely.”

Introducing restraints

When most people think of BDSM, a lovely, gentle chat is probably the last thing that springs to mind. But any form of BDSM play needs to be based on absolute trust and effective communication between partners.

“Establish consent, boundaries and safe words before you begin exploring,” Megan explains. “Talk to your partner about exactly what turns you on. Having this discussion through ‘dirty talk’ allows you to go into detail and build up a scenario to play out later, while building the suspense.

“Set the scene; seduce and relax with your partner,” she advises. Don’t have too many alcoholic drinks for ‘dutch courage’ though, safe BDSM play operates on the Safe, Sane, Consensual principle. This basically means you should be in a sensible frame of mind to take part. “Light candles, kiss and build the anticipation of what’s to come. A slow build makes your body more reactive to sensations,” Megan adds.
Pick your handcuffs style

There are so many different types of handcuffs and restraints, it’s really not necessary to walk away with bruised wrists (unless you’re into that, of course). A dominatrix once told me to never, ever use that cheap metal cuffs you see because they will cut your wrists up so badly. Avoid them at all costs.

“Always begin with soft cuffs, such as Silicone Quickie Cuffs. These stretchy handcuffs allow you to explore restraints without having to worry about getting stuck,” she says. You can play around with control, all in the comfort of knowing there are no pesky keys to lose.” Hypoallergenic silicone is a great and safe material for sex toys and accessories – and they’re soft, flexible and strong.

Chinese rope restraints and rope cuffs are also great introductory restraints for first-timers. “They’re made from soft yet sturdy material, and with sliding knots rather than clasp openings,” Megan explains. “Buckle cuffs are often the easiest type to use and their fabric or leather straps cause less irritation to the wrist during wear.” Plus, they’re often adjustable so you can have them as tight or loose as makes you comfortable.

Putting them on

Before anyone gets handcuffed to anything, you need to pick your position. “Whether you want your hands tied above your head, behind your back or to the bedposts, the options are endless,” Megan says. “If you’re the one being retained, you’ll have to rely on your partner to position you in your chosen cuffs. With your discussion beforehand, you should both be quite clear of what everyone wants and is comfortable with.

“Starting with either yourself or your partner laid on your back, and restrained with hands above your head, is a simple and pleasurable position to start in.” Whatever you want to do once you’re in position, is totally up to you. But it’ll leave you free to get into loads of awesome sex positions. “It also means that you can explore erogenous zones and both give and receive oral sex,” Megan says.

What next?

Communicate

“Reassure your partner by talking to them throughout, and telling them exactly what you’re going to do to them next,” Megan says. “This allows them to voice any concerns and can also settle any nerves they may have.”

Play with temperature and other accessories

Temperature play is so much fun, and introduces new sensations to your sex play. “Freezing lube in an ice cube tray is a super fun (and slippery) way to use it. With your lover’s hands already cuffed above their head, add a blindfold,” she says. “One sense becomes heightened when another is taken away. Watch how their body responds as you slide the ice cubes over them – the coldness will also increase skin sensitivity.”

Rubbing the frozen lube on their neck, nipples, inner thighs and genitals makes bloody rush to the area, too. “Kissing and licking their erect nipples, or gently blowing on their chilled, lubed neck will be the ultimate tease.”

Complete Article HERE!

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5 Ways Self Care Can Help You Have Better Sex

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Show yourself some love before you get some love.

By Jessica Migala

No matter how excited you are to hit the sheets, sometimes it’s just hard to turn it on for sex. Your brain might be crazy distracted, for example, or it’s been a long day and you feel exhausted. Somehow, you’re just not in the right head space for that closeness and pleasure you crave.

That’s where self care comes in. You know self care; these are moves you do to treat your mind and body to some TLC, from sleeping in to doing a digital detox to signing up for mindful meditation. Whatever self-care moves you do, the goal is to unpack stress and feel more joy.

That means joy in the bedroom as well, says psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, a sex and relationship expert in Houston. Whether you need to dial back anxious thoughts or prime yourself to feel more sensual, these five self-care moves to do before the action begins will make it happen.

Slip into a hot bath

Even if you only have 15 minutes, locking the bathroom door and soaking in a warm tub will get rid of stress and prime your body for pleasure. “Research has shown that how a woman feels about her body is the most important factor when it comes to her libido,” says Rapini. Taking time to do things that put you in a sexy state of mind can go a long way.

Add bath oil to revive your skin, close your eyes and imagine stress dissolving, and then dry off with a luxuriant fluffy towel. Rapini also recommends lightly massaging yourself while in the tub (or afterward as you put on lotion) to get comfortable with your naked body.

Arouse your senses

Maybe you pump yourself up during a workout with a motivating playlist, or you light a few candles in your living room to burn away anxiety after a long day. The same kind of sensual moves can get you ready for great sex too.

Before you’re planning to hit the bedroom, Rapini advises turning on whatever sexy music speaks to you (she suggests D’Angelo Radio on Pandora). As for scent, go with fragrances that have notes of amber, vanilla, or green tea, which can charge your sex drive. Spritz on a perfume or add a couple drops into a diffuser as you get ready for the evening.

Touch yourself

If masturbation isn’t already part of your self-care routine, this is a reason to add it in. When you’re alone and you feel comfortable, take matters into your own hands; if you prefer a vibrator, break it out. Solo sex (whether you reach orgasm or not) will increase lubrication and amp your desire.

“Some women just need that time to be alone to get heated,” says Rapini. Plus, consider this: Research from 2013 found that female masturbation was associated with feeling sexually empowered, in part because it helps women learn what turns them on.

Dress so you feel sexy 

Wearing revealing outfits isn’t just about visually turning on your partner; it can help turn you on too. “I encourage women to wear something that flaunts the part of their body they like the most,” says Rapini. That may be a camisole to show off your shoulders, for instance, or short short cutoff jeans that highlight your legs. You can wear nothing at all—or put on your most comfy sweats and a tee. “Do what feels good for you,” she says. Wearing clothes you think are sexy will get your mind to a sexy place.

Break out your yoga mat

If there’s anything yoga can’t do for you, we haven’t found it yet. Before you plan on getting busy, do a series of downward dogs. Not only is it a super way to stretch your hips, but being upside down gets blood flowing into your brain to clear your head and boost your energy. Says Rapini: “A bad day will crush your libido. This move brings you back into the mood.” And the body awareness and mindfulness that yoga promotes will give you an extra sensual boost too.

Complete Article HERE!

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Everything you could ever want to know about foot fetishes

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Some are in it for the toes, some love the funk.

A foot fetish is a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around because I personally find feet revolting. Always have, always will. Whether I imagine someone’s foot in my mouth or mine in someone else’s, my body recoils in a full body cringe from which I will not un-crimp myself until all other parties and their feet have exited the room.

That’s just me, though. A lot of people love feet. So many, in fact, that foot fetishes are among the most common anatomy-related fetishes around. According to Men’s Health, feet and toes ranked as the non-genital body parts most likely to rev libidos in a relatively recent survey. When the U.K.’s Channel 4 aired its Great British Sex Survey in early 2016, guess which fetish came out on top? That’s right: podophilia.

If you’re still left wondering exactly how foot fetishes work, or if you’re looking to incorporate some foot-loving into your intimate life, here’s everything you need to know about the hottest of the extremities.

What is a foot fetish?

Foot love is widespread, but how precisely does the fetish—by which I mean, a thing that inspires erotic fantasy so intense, its presence is necessary for sexual satisfaction—develop, readers may ask. According to Psychology Today, the prevailing theory about fetish origins holds that sexual proclivities form around a particular body part or object during childhood: Children, for example, might interact with their parents’ feet during playtime, and grow to associate feet and pleasure.

With respect to feet specifically, Psychology Today reports, their purported resemblance to human genitalia (I don’t see it) might trigger the same arousal without the pressure to perform that, for some people a vagina or penis cues. Another possibility is that the parts of the brain that control sensory feeling in the feet and genitals sit next to one another, and sometimes their wires get crossed.

Are there different kinds of foot fetishes?

Subsets of foot fetishism, or foot worship, include footwear fetishes. According to Psychology Today, there’s retifism, so-named for the French writer Nicolas Edme Rétif who reportedly wrote about his attraction to footwear and his attraction to footwear only, and aretifism, or attraction to foot adornments like toe rings, for example.

And the list goes on—some people might be really into toes and toe sucking while others get off on foot smell. Some people might get off on naked feet rather than feet replete with nail polish and anklets. Some people might love heel shape. To each their own.

How can I incorporate foot worship into my daily life?

As with any specific sexual interest, be open with partners: People who are actually worth your time and emotional investment won’t be assholes about what gets you off. Plus, most people seem to enjoy receiving foot massages, so that may be a promising place to start.

Foot kissing, toe sucking, and even the footjob—cradling the penis between both feet and stroking up and down—might appeal, or penetration with toes. Please make sure the feet involved have been cleaned first, which could even entail an erotic foot bath. Go wild!

Where to find foot fetish porn online

Thanks to the popularity of foot worship, a number of erotic sites have devoted themselves to foot fetishists. Here are a few of the big names in foot fetish porn.

1) Footsie Babes

The subscription platform Footsie Babes features feet prominently in all its fairly mainstream, mostly heterosexual porn videos.

2) 21 Foot Art

Like Footsie Babes, 21 FootArt bills itself as the “best foot erotica you will find, guaranteed.” Access to a two-day trial is just $1, while an annual membership is $10.

3) Hot Legs And Feet

Along with the typical foot stuff, Hot Legs and Feet incorporates leg lust, for those who are so inclined.

4) Foot Fetish Daily

Foot Fetish Daily bills itself as the “#1 Foot Fetish Site in the World,” and affords access to live cam work, where members may very well find someone performing the highly sought-after footjob.

5) Sexy Lena

SexyLena features one woman (Lena) who stokes foot fetishes in a number of ways. She’s often seen incorporating stockings, shoes, and more into her podiatric sex shows. Membership costs vary between $17 and $25.

(Please, regardless of your particular interests, pay for your porn. It’s the ethical thing to do.)

Complete Article HERE!

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Everything you need for a beginner’s kink-friendly Valentine’s Day

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If vanilla sex doesn’t really do it for you, imagine the bounty that Valentine’s Day could be if you decided to celebrate it the BDSM-friendly way – with all the necessary kink toys.

Whether you’ve always looked at handcuffs with a glint in your eye or got interested in kink thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey, it’s a fun playground to express your sexual personality and have fun with your partner. If you’re a beginner, start slow and enjoy the exploration. We have a few recommendations to help you begin your journey too.

1. Burn your copy of Fifty Shades and grab one of these instead.

Fifty Shades of Grey may be a popular book, but it’s a poor guide when it comes to properly honoring the rules of BDSM. For that, you’ll need to turn back to some of the classics in the genre.We have a handy list right here we highly recommend. In addition to the classics, a book like The Ultimate Guide To Kink is a great way to learn about the rules and concepts that BDSM is defined by.

Price on Amazon: $19.18 (paperback), $9.99 (Kindle)

2. Try out restraints.

The only way to find out if one or both of you like restraints is to give it a try. While you could start with a regular old pair of handcuffs, we suggest something with a little padding to ease you into the experience. If you really enjoy it, upgrade to a nicer pair (Ardour Crafts makes a solid set).

Price on Amazon: $9.99

3. Experiment with a blindfold.

If you’d like to see what sensory deprivation is like, a blindfold is a good place to start. We suggest you forego the super cheap ones and try out a wider style that completely blocks out light that can seep in around the nose or at the top of the forehead. Try pairing it with the handcuffs to see how it feels. There’s lots to choose from in the kink world when it comes to masks, but this is a classic start.

Price on Amazon: $6.99

4. Explore your sadomasochistic side.

If you think you might like spanking (or know you do), trying out a crop is the next best option. It’s not quite as intense as a full whip and creates a more concentrated sting. If you’re super into it, try out a horse whip next – you won’t regret it.

Price on Amazon: $16.99

5. Strap on a collar.

Submissives love the feeling of a leather collar around their necks. This one attaches a leash that’s perfect for that extra bit of roleplay you may be looking for. Put all these goodies together, and your Valentine’s Day is going to leave chocolates and flowers in the dust.

Price on Amazon: $25.99

6. Rope Bondage.

Beginner? Just getting started and not sure what you need or what to do?  The Twisted Monk crew answers the top five questions they get from folks trying rope for the first time to help you find your way picking out your rope kit. (For more in-depth product and ordering information, check out their FAQ.)

Complete Article HERE!

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If You Want A Sexy Night, Ask Your Partner These Questions

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By Kasandra Brabaw

The hottest sex I’ve ever had started with a question, when a former partner leaned in close to my ear and said, “What have you always wanted to do?” We had amazing sex that night, because I finally felt free to speak up about different positions I had wanted to try, like face-sitting. But that one question also opened us up for more creative sex for the rest of the time that we were together. We tried ice play, and hot oil massage candles, and had a thrilling almost-got-caught moment in a bar bathroom.

While a lot about seduction can be non-verbal, that night helped me recognize that asking questions can be just as sexy as lighting candles and dimming the lights.

“Questions like that can build the anticipation and the foreplay,” says Megan Flemming, PhD, a sex and relationship therapist in New York City. She suggests building that anticipation throughout the day, by posing sexy questions to your partner in text or email in the morning, that way they’ll be thinking about what they want to do to you (or have you do to them) all day. Logan Levkoff, PhD, a sexual health educator and member of the Trojan™ Sexual Health Advisory Council, says that Post-It notes could also be a fun and sexy way to build this anticipation for anyone who feels too awkward talking “dirty.”

While it’s generally good practice to ask questions about what your partner wants from sex, there are certain ways to bring it up that will make it feel less like a clinical Q&A and more like the beginning of an adventurous night. Ahead, we’ve rounded up a few questions you can use as inspiration to get the conversation — and the foreplay — flowing.

What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

Why it works: Asking your partner to describe their best sexual experience (in vivid detail, of course) not only gives you an idea of what they want in bed, but also serves as verbal erotica.

What do you think about anal sex/BDSM/other kinks?


Why it works: Asking about kink in a noncommittal way tells your partner that you’re interested in hearing about their kinks, which will help them open up about any they’ve been wanting to explore. If it feels too awkward to bring up, you can always say that you read about anal sex or bondage or whatever else you want to try on a website or in a magazine, and you just want to know their thoughts.

What’s your biggest sex fantasy?

Why it works: Have your partner describe exactly what they’ve been fantasizing about, and then do it (as long as it’s legal and consensual, of course). Win-win.

What movie scene really turns you on?

Why it works: Movies and TV can help you realize fantasies you never even knew you had. Have your partner tell you which scene gets them going, then watch it together for inspiration.

Complete Article HERE!

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